Stone Butches [Archive] - Page 2

chai~

01-02-2012, 08:26 PM

i have been with stone butches for long periods of time and did not miss having other kinds of sex. i was emotionally connected to the person, and we were having good sex. i did not languish thinking about what kinds of sex i could have with another person. i enjoyed my connection.

i do get annoyed when people say that the relationships i have had with stone butches can't compare to the relationship a stone femme has with a stone butch. i do not feel that my connections lacked anything.

i am sure that stone femmes have a je ne sais quoi, but i have some things to offer too. An experienced bottom makes a good candidate for pleasing a stone partner. We are conduits of energy. It's what we do. Moreover, we are good readers of the other, as are many stone butches. Or as were many stone butches of my generation. The combination of two very intuitive people in bed is pretty damned hot. It has worked for me, anyway.

Hi Martina, what is your interpretation of "stone femme"?
Stone butch seems to have a clearer definition, but not stone femme!
I'm confused!!! Thank you!

chai~

01-02-2012, 08:28 PM

thanks martina. I pretty much feel the same way. my recent foray had showed me once again, that it's the person (and frankly how filthy they are in bed) not the acts that are important to me.

that said, if I was unable to give head to someone's personal flesh cock (without the strapped appendage) that might be a hard line for me. I love sucking when it's on, but also giving head when it's not. I don't see it as feminising as its not a feminine area - it's their cock. I don't give a toss what shape it is. for me, that's what it is.

so the stones that have no problem with me giving flesh head, there isn't a problem. Couldn't give a rat's ass one way or another about the rest of the stuff I can and can't do. I care more about having dirty, hot, sex. And to do that both people have to be respected. Some people don't like having anal sex - for an anal lover that would be a big deal. for someone who didn't like giving anal, it's a non issue. for people who just want to have hot mutual sex, it's not an issue either.

I'm not a stone femme. But I'm respectful, filthy, fun and caring and I enjoy all that goes along with it. besides, just cause someone is stone doesn't mean they don't like having their hands tied behind them and then lap danced/sucked off. stone doesn't always mean "in control" either. I've recently had this pleasure. And besides it's even more fun after you untie and they want to get even. lol.

I know lots of people regardless of their sexuality don't enjoy that, but just because someone is one kind (stone) doesn't mean they don't enjoy a tussle and a bit of feisty power swapping/struggle.

besides, I flip like a pancake in the end with the right people so it's all in good healthy dirty fun, eh?*

and no one has ever complained or been left wanting, including me.

disclaimer* for those who enjoy it.

Hi honeybarbra, what is your interpretation of "stone femme"?
Stone butch seems to have a clearer definition, but not stone femme!
I'm confused!!! Thank you!

chai~

01-02-2012, 08:29 PM

I agree Heavenleahangel and LaneyDoll! It is just a part of who we are.

Discovering that I'm a stone femme answered a lot of questions in my life and explained much. I was finally at peace when I realized that was who I was. But as a stone femme (and I'm sure stone butches know this instinctively) I find myself set slightly apart from the community. I'm not eager to rush into romantic connections with others because I know that only a small majority of the community is stone or fully understands it. I'm reluctant to let my heart lead as I mingle among people because there is such a mix of identities where I live. I really don't want to become fond of someone, knowing I could never deliver all that they would require in an intimate relationship. So I have concentrated on finding friends and keep those boundaries.

The B-F community is a fraction of the wider community and we stones are a small portion of that. We should be kind to each other and give each other respect.

Hi SweetJane, what is your interpretation of "stone femme"?
Stone butch seems to have a clearer definition, but not stone femme!
I'm confused!!! Thank you!

SweetJane

01-02-2012, 09:12 PM

Chai,there's a stone femme thread.

chai~

01-02-2012, 10:56 PM

Chai,there's a stone femme thread.

I know there is a thread, but it seems foggy to me. I've read it, and I was just wondering what your personal interpretation was.

It seems like the butch's definition is pretty black and white, don't touch/feminize x, y, z. More often then not, this is it.

The femme definition seems a lot messier. Femme will touch, or won't touch.
Femme, will BE touched, or WON"T be touched.

I don't know how to navigate this, so I am just looking for clearer takes on it.

Thanks any way tho!

CherylNYC

01-02-2012, 11:24 PM

I know there is a thread, but it seems foggy to me. I've read it, and I was just wondering what your personal interpretation was.

It seems like the butch's definition is pretty black and white, don't touch/feminize x, y, z. More often then not, this is it.

The femme definition seems a lot messier. Femme will touch, or won't touch.
Femme, will BE touched, or WON"T be touched.

I don't know how to navigate this, so I am just looking for clearer takes on it.

Thanks any way tho!

I agree that 'stonefemme' can be confusing because it can mean two different things, but SweetJane was making the point that this thread is about stone butches. Your questions about femmes who are stone would be more appropriate in another thread.

chai~

01-02-2012, 11:30 PM

you're right, sorry. I was just understanding from the posts, that stone femmes were also voicing their points of view on these relationships. so it would be acceptable to ask here.

SweetJane

01-03-2012, 01:04 AM

Chai hun, no harm done. And you're very right the definitions among stone femmes are broad spectrum. But for me, I'm the complement of a stone butch. My surrender and response is a gift. I touch but not in intimate areas. But that's my definition.

imperfect_cupcake

01-04-2012, 02:35 PM

'

Not just encounters, but actual relationships, long term ones, mutually satisfying "nothing is missing" relationships.

So many people who talk about the stone dynamic seem to want to minimize the fact that these partnerships can be successful.

My very first female in-love that was for just over three years ... we were shopping for a house, she was moving to canada... was stone.

it's wasn't and identity or a community for her. It was a fact of her sexuality. Just part of who she was, sexually. I did not ID as a stone femme, and still don't. I was mad in love with her. everything about her. it was *not* a dom/sub or top/bottom relationship. Just like all other relationships, we communicated our needs, laughed, shared things, went travelling, and had tons of hot sex.

I don't see my relationships with stones, daddies, switches, glitter butches, etc as different from each other. They all require respect, understanding, compassion, love, communication, desire and friendship. No one dynamic is more special or different than another. I don't even think butch-femme is different than most other kinds of dyke or het relationships. There are still the same ingredients. I just don't like to think I'm all that special or different from the next person who does something a bit differently from me.

I'm presently enjoy company with a stone. There is nothing about her which makes her more human, more special, more unique, more real, more deserving than anyone else. Aside from her just being her. It has nothing to do with with her ID and her sexuality - although it's hot and frankly is making my days a lot easier, that for sure... But it is not because she's stone... it's because she is who she is. it's *nice* she has the sexuality that she dose cause it's just what I want (and I'm talking about the whole sexual picture) but I certainly wouldn't want to reduce her to an ID dynamic - she'd hate that. she's hot. it's pretty much that simple.

cuddlyfemme

01-09-2012, 12:23 PM

I hope the beginning to E/everyone's New Year is starting out well

AlexHunter

01-18-2012, 09:55 AM

I've been enjoying reading through this thread. It's inspired me to share my own self-identification, which I hope will be interpreted in a positive, drama-free manner. YMMV, ya know?

I identified as stone butch for many years. The biggest reason I did was because I absolutely hated being touched down there and instead of exploring the convoluted nature of my sexuality, I stuck the label on it and was done. Access denied. No. Touching. There. Ever.

Then, I was with a partner who tore my walls down - I don't mean vaginal ones, but emotional ones. She made me comfortable because I knew she saw me the way I saw myself - a man. To this day, I rarely even remove my clothes during sexual activity, unless we have an immense bond of trust and comfort. I was happy to lie naked with her because I knew I was seen for me.

I do not identify as a transman, though I did seriously consider transition at one point. I say I am genderqueer or transgendered but not transsexual. I see myself as mostly male, but have no desire to surgically or hormonally modify my female body.

I eventually let her go down on me, after several months of being together. I told her exactly what I wanted her to do. She got me off the second time she tried. I really enjoyed it.

I received "flesh head" many times from her after that, though I was usually the "giver" in our sex acts. I don't mind being rubbed, licked, or sucked - in fact, I rather like it with someone I love and would be disappointed if a femme I was with never wanted to do it. In fact, I had a relationship with a femme who was like that. It was fine for a long time, but I started to miss being touched occasionally. It's not a hugely important desire for me, but it's still there.

I don't like being penetrated. I will not let just anyone touch the flesh between my legs. It takes time for me to allow it and I don't want it all the time.

I don't feel comfortable identifying as stone because I feel it is subjective and not entirely true. I sometimes feel I am too stone for those who are not stone but not stone enough for those who are. I don't want to mislead anyone. I say I'm 90% stone and I still feel connected to stone butches and femmes because of my past history.

boobookitty

03-09-2012, 10:19 AM

a wonderfully written (IMO) blog post:

http://afemmeinnyc.wordpress.com/2012/03/06/the-million-dollar-question/

Toughy

03-09-2012, 11:39 AM

I have always said:

sometimes it's a clit and sometimes it's a cock....it all depends on the mind set of those involved..........

DapperButch

03-09-2012, 05:14 PM

a wonderfully written (IMO) blog post:

http://afemmeinnyc.wordpress.com/2012/03/06/the-million-dollar-question/

Great blog post! Thanks for posting.

tara_kerrie

03-21-2012, 01:36 PM

.. ahh .. .. i know this.......
and trust me.... as for me........ they can touch me do me.any way they want too.. lol lol .... ok think i just made myself blush....:| lol

I am the same way!!!

rande

05-05-2012, 06:40 PM

It took a long time for me to know that I wasn't the only one who got their sexual pleasure through pleasing their partner...mental orgasm, exactly.
For years, I thought I was bonkers...then one day I read Stone Butch Blues and wept openly, for the first time in years.

At long last I was able to identify myself as a human being....a living, breathing person....a stone butch.

I think I should have been born male, but it didn't happen. But that isn't what makes me stone.

It's my lack of desire to be touched in certain areas that makes me stone.
For me, its enough to have my partner lay close.....and kissing marathons are amazing too.
:seeingstars:

jac

08-13-2012, 08:04 AM

She and I, we got it going on...

Through healthy conversation; understanding, acceptance and sharing continue to be presented. I am an exceptionally blessed stoner gy to have such a beautiful, loving femme that shares with me and appreciates the stone gy that I am. As a sub and a partner to a stone, my girl respects where I'm coming from and is considerate of things we discussed early on in our relationship. However, I have been aware for some time that something needed to be adressed and permission granted for her to feel that she was not crossing boundaries.

We continue to grow as a couple, as lovers, as a stone with hys femme that loves hym, as a femme with her stone that appreciates and loves the sub that she is... It's a beautiful thing we got going on here. :heartbeat:

twinkletoes

09-23-2012, 05:38 AM

Kelt

09-23-2012, 07:30 AM

Hi :) am new to the planet and have never really been able to put myself into a box or attach myself to a label. To begin with I wished I could to feel more at ease about my sexuality but hey ho, I'm beginning to feel better about just being me :) Anyway, the point is I've always felt attracted to butch women or ladies that give off masculine energy in someway or another - feminine girls have never done anything for me. Stone butches also attract me but my not identifying as a stone femme.... ah dear, I find ID'ing and labelling all rather confusing and makes me feel I would not be compatible with certain people because of it? I hope this doesn't come across as ignorant or offensive in anyway, I'm a relative newbie to my own sexuality so please forgive my wide eyed-ness about everything :)

Maybe a good starting point would be to find out more about your own sexuality, what your own needs and desires truly are. Then it would be easier to figure out what your ideal match would be. Butches come in about a hundred different configurations, so once you know for sure what you want, you are bound to find it. It is hard when you are just learning all of this to know what you may or may not want. Places like this are great for figuring it out. Just read the related threads, ask all kinds of specific questions, and see what fits.

jac

09-23-2012, 08:42 AM

Hi :) am new to the planet and have never really been able to put myself into a box or attach myself to a label. To begin with I wished I could to feel more at ease about my sexuality but hey ho, I'm beginning to feel better about just being me :) Anyway, the point is I've always felt attracted to butch women or ladies that give off masculine energy in someway or another - feminine girls have never done anything for me. Stone butches also attract me but my not identifying as a stone femme.... ah dear, I find ID'ing and labelling all rather confusing and makes me feel I would not be compatible with certain people because of it? I hope this doesn't come across as ignorant or offensive in anyway, I'm a relative newbie to my own sexuality so please forgive my wide eyed-ness about everything :)

it's okay that you don't ID as a stone femme. myself, I am a stone gy but my girl doesn't label as a stone femme. there are no set rules for the combo of relationships. it is what works for you and the person you choose to be with.

as kelt said take time to learn about yourself and to learn about the type of person you are attracted to. read read read. the planet has so many threads to learn from... enjoy yourself and welcome. and yes, ask questions...

QueenofSmirks

09-23-2012, 08:49 AM

Maybe a good starting point would be to find out more about your own sexuality, what your own needs and desires truly are. Then it would be easier to figure out what your ideal match would be. Butches come in about a hundred different configurations, so once you know for sure what you want, you are bound to find it. It is hard when you are just learning all of this to know what you may or may not want. Places like this are great for figuring it out. Just read the related threads, ask all kinds of specific questions, and see what fits.

Eh... I'm not sure I agree with this. You state that butches come in a hundred different configurations, yet, I think it suggests that if you figure out what you like, then you figure out which label goes with those likes, then you go looking for that label, and you'll find what you're looking for.

With the thousands of threads about gender identity - and many of us have stated we do not, or will not, fit into any one label - I don't think that formula actually works. I think it brushes over the fact that one label can be defined in a thousand different ways by different people. I would hate for anyone to look strictly for a "stone butch", when there is a "queer butch" or some other label out there that would be a perfect match for them.

I think labels are useful for us to interpret how people perceive themselves, but because we all have different ideas of what each label means, I'm not sure we should put 100% stock into them.

*Anya*

09-23-2012, 09:07 AM

Maybe a good starting point would be to find out more about your own sexuality, what your own needs and desires truly are. Then it would be easier to figure out what your ideal match would be.

I agree completely with this statement.

I am clearly not butch so I hope it is OK to post here but I think this is an important statement.

I don't think Kelt is talking about labels at all. When we first come out, we may be vaguely aware of who, what and when, we may be attracted to; especially when we are young.

It takes time with reading as well as dating, to hone into what our our true sexual attraction and desires may be.

I find that I am still learning about what mine are and I have been out for some 30+ years.

It is a process and can't be rushed. It just has to happen organically.

I don't think labels have a bit to do with desire. They just make it easier to find those that share our deepest, darkest desires and needs. They may also change over time. What I wanted and needed at age 25 is quite different than my wants and needs of today.

twinkletoes

09-23-2012, 10:07 AM

spritzerJ

09-23-2012, 03:38 PM

Just been reading through the comments people have kindly left :) thanks so much for the encouragement and advice. I guess sexuality is a very fluid thing that's constantly developing. I've just always seen the lesbian world as a bit of a complex minefield of strict labels and dos and donts but clearly this is not always the case and my inexperience with it all shows at times.

Your experiences are just as they should be to get you where you are now! I was right in the what is stone butch question land not too long ago. And what does it mean to desire what I desire and what label do I put on that.

So grateful that sexuality is fluid. For me that makes it very exciting and interesting.

TruTexan

10-22-2013, 09:49 PM

Bumping the thread for someone looking for stone butches.

Jhenay

10-22-2013, 10:03 PM

Certain labels I like, certain ones I don't. And certain ones just seem necessary at certain times to avoid confusion.

I do identify as Stone Femme. I may move to the edges of that boundary depending on who I'm with, but when I'm searching....dating sites, etc... I say I'm looking for a stone butch.

I have had to explain what that meant to me, because I would keep getting soft butch types writing to me who had never heard the term stone butch. But of course...they have heard the term "pillow princess". Sigh... Just because I prefer not to do a certain thing, doesn't mean I have nothing of value to give. But that instantly lets me know that is not a stone butch, because hys viewpoint would be totally different because of hys preferences.

It's amazing to me how many people feel they need to put down Stone Femme as being "selfish", or "not really lesbian". But the simple facts are, I'm a very giving person, ....and I'm not going to find who I'm looking for by looking for a male.

RockOn

10-22-2013, 11:43 PM

Another stone butch checking in ...

Good topic!

fatallyblonde

01-17-2014, 12:16 AM

this femme heart beats for stone butches.

thank you so much to all the stone butches who shared insight into their many varied experiences here. <3

It's amazing to me how many people feel they need to put down Stone Femme as being "selfish", or "not really lesbian". But the simple facts are, I'm a very giving person, ....and I'm not going to find who I'm looking for by looking for a male.

indeed... as if I am not giving immensely in allowing my partner to be exactly who they are with me...
... as if opening my legs and giving access to my body, to its depths and responsiveness, its beauty, of allowing it to be accessed by my partner in the way they desire is not generous.
any stone femme knows... men CANNOT give us what we need and want... and men are NOT what we desire. outsiders can judge us based only on what they observe with their detachment from that... but the can never FEEL what we feel...
when you feel it... you know... and you know a stone butch is the only one that will do...

Martina

01-17-2014, 09:33 AM

t.. men CANNOT give us what we need and want... and men are NOT what we desire. outsiders can judge us based only on what they observe with their detachment from that... but the can never FEEL what we feel...
.

There are bisexual stone femmes. There are stone femmes who ID as transsensual or some version of that. So there are stone femmes who desire men.

Re the second comment, how do you know what other people feel?

Stone-Butch

01-17-2014, 05:25 PM

I am a stone butch. I am not male. Stone butch means different things to different people. For me it is about sexual energy and desire. It has nothing to do with maleness for me. My masculinity also has nothing to do with male. How masculine or hard butch someone is also has nothing to do with male.

I am a masculine female (what butch is to me), woman and lesbian as well as being a stone butch.

I am Stone as well and this is the first time I agree with an explanation concerning Stones. TY.

C0LLETTE

01-17-2014, 06:21 PM

There are bisexual stone femmes. There are stone femmes who ID as transsensual or some version of that. So there are stone femmes who desire men.

Re the second comment, how do you know what other people feel?

So, for me, there it is: "transsensual or some version of that". What does that mean and, perhaps more important, what are the versions of it?. There are billions of people on this planet. Something tells me there are billions of versions of everything... and when it comes to sex, billions of things that get us off. Then, if you consider the role of the mind, maybe "billions" isn't nearly big enough.

Martina

01-17-2014, 06:31 PM

So, for me, there it is: "transsensual or some version of that". What does that mean and, perhaps more important, what are the versions of it?

A transensual femme is primarily attracted to transmen. By versions, I meant other names. I am sure there are other ways some femmes ID to indicate their sexual orientation towards transmen. SOFFA used to be rather widely used. I don't have more to add.

C0LLETTE

01-17-2014, 06:49 PM

morningstar55

01-17-2014, 06:51 PM

wow its been a long time since i been in here.. heh ....
will read some more....

Martina

01-17-2014, 07:10 PM

We can label subset ourselves all the way down till we can finally say there is no one else on the planet that exactly fits this label except me. But why? Even Mendel wanted some sort of outcome from all that segregating and assorting.:reader:

I don't understand how that is a response to either of my posts. Can you explain?

Which ID are you taking issue with and why? These are ID's in common currency. Stone and transensual. I really don't follow your point.

fatallyblonde

01-17-2014, 07:56 PM

I feel like the context makes it pretty clear who I'm referring to, actually. I think people are intelligent enough to extrapolate from context without a zillion caveats and qualifications.

RockOn

01-17-2014, 08:07 PM

Excellent post and extremely well-stated!

C0LLETTE

01-17-2014, 08:08 PM

hope you take this as impersonally and harmlessly as I intend it:

It just seems to me that if these IDs were in as common currency as suggested, there'd be a lot less confusion about them, as many of these threads indicate. We accept prima face that something useful is accomplished by all these labels being broken down into ever smaller subsets.. maybe there are diminishing returns in terms of confusion and the obliteration of our commonality.
I'm just not so sure how useful it is to stick new prefixes on every noun in our vocabulary rather than just describing behaviours. Lately there has been a tendency to segregate and label just about all human behaviours so we can conveniently move on to the next label-able behaviour. I'm just not so sure this is useful.

Martina

01-17-2014, 08:16 PM

I feel like the context makes it pretty clear who I'm referring to, actually. I think people are intelligent enough to extrapolate from context without a zillion caveats and qualifications.

You spoke for all stone femmes and said something like we don't desire men. My point was that some stone femmes do. Since then I haven't understood what the heck either you or Collette have been talking about.

C0LLETTE

01-17-2014, 08:42 PM

I've tried to express my thoughts as best I can. Seems I've fallen short and for that I apologise. Thank you for your attention but I believe I've exhausted my abilities. Maybe next time. Thank you again.(w)

PanDragon

02-02-2014, 12:33 PM

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

In my experience, it is best to be up front. In my experience there are few and far between who can handle a stone. I can't count the lectures I've got on 'right reciprocity', but when I've been upfront, even before I enter a relationship, the results have been much more mutually fulfilling.

PanDragon

02-02-2014, 12:50 PM

I know who I am and what I feel. I came up with no words to call anything. I acted on what I felt and learned along the way. I grew up in a world where almost everything I liked was perverse in the mainstream. I went through the angst of wondering wtf was wrong with me. I went to therapy to try and fix this 'wrong'. I lost a lot of partners because I went through the motions and ended up feeling invisible and empty. There was no stone label in my day.
I know who I am and what I like. I remember clearly the day and time I said NO MORE to denying my self. I finally felt free. I am stone and I've heard a lot of feedback on my behaviors and feelings, not on the label.
There is nothing wrong with me.
I see posts about confidence, hard won or otherwise. My truth is that we all come into our own, and whatever that is, whatever we choose to call it, and however we got here, when you can own yourself and love who you are that freedom to just 'be' beats all!
I love my stne self! just sayin' :hangloose:

Vida

04-15-2014, 04:34 PM

Your post is complex! R u a stone butch or r u looking for a stone butch??? There is a huge difference in the contest. Just letting u know. From vida!

imperfect_cupcake

04-16-2014, 12:09 PM

Vida, if you look under the person's name you can see how they ID :)

Daisy Chain

07-17-2015, 11:45 AM

Its interesting that you should write that there is an energy that is particular to Stones- of course I have heard of those who prefer to partner with Stones but I had always considered that a preference for a certain type of dynamic but had never contemplated that there was a “Stone energy”. Elsewhere in an attempt to clarify what is meant by a “feminizing touch” in the context of a Stone I wrote… self fulfillment comes from being externally focused, by that I do not refer to my external self- but to my sexual partner. Being inside her both physically and mentally is where I find my “on” switch.

The musician reaches that other place when hy brings the instrument alive- together each is able to experience their potential- realize what they were made for. I was not made to have another take me in hand; I was made to be with someone who does not simply allow, but wants, needs to surrender. And in that surrender she allows me to be who I truly am.

While some will equate Stone to simply having personal limits, for me it is far more encompassing- Stone isn’t about sex with restrictions, it is about everything- it is how we perceive the world, but more importantly it is about how we relate, understand, communicate, and connect to another.

A Stone Butch is a Stone Butch- regardless if they are partnered- but without the one who “gets it”, they are not a musician, simply a person who knows how to play a musical instrument.

A Beautiful and profound post in relation to Stone Butches

Tuff Stuff

08-24-2015, 09:43 PM

Stone here. Have been for as long as I can remember. For me it is in the mind as well. Really don't like my junk touched. .02

Well,after reading most of the posts here (btw,i read the last posts first) I would say i'm definitely not a stone butch.I like my "Junk" to be touched.I like the way my woman grabs on to my tits...umm,i think thats another thread..i'll be looking for it *snort*

DapperButch

08-25-2015, 06:45 AM

Well,after reading most of the posts here (btw,i read the last posts first) I would say i'm definitely not a stone butch.I like my "Junk" to be touched.I like the way my woman grabs on to my tits...umm,i think thats another thread..i'll be looking for it *snort*

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6863

Tuff Stuff

08-25-2015, 09:07 PM

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6863

Thanks DB,i've been there...I don't ID as a lesbian,but I dig'um..lesbian femmes,yeah!! :awww:

morningstar55

12-20-2015, 07:21 AM

...... who has read the ever so popular
"Stone Butch Blues "
yes ?? no ???
here is a link to download a free copy of the whole book.
Merry Christmas .. :byebye:

http://www.lesliefeinberg.net

DapperButch

12-20-2015, 10:38 AM

MsTinkerbelly

12-20-2015, 11:15 AM

...... who has read the ever so popular
"Stone Butch Blues "
yes ?? no ???
here is a link to download a free copy of the whole book.
Merry Christmas .. :byebye:

http://www.lesliefeinberg.net

It was easy to download, even on my old iPad.

I remember starting to read this to someone years ago, but I never got a chance to finish it.

Thank you for posting the link.

chai~

12-21-2015, 08:56 PM

Nice of you to link this!

RIP Leslie Feinberg

I am working on it right now actually!

*Anya*

12-21-2015, 09:30 PM

...... who has read the ever so popular
"Stone Butch Blues "
yes ?? no ???
here is a link to download a free copy of the whole book.
Merry Christmas .. :byebye:

http://www.lesliefeinberg.net

Thank you for this! It is just wonderful that it is free.

I never read it and always intended to get around to it.

Now I will.

:moonstars:

*Anya*

08-19-2016, 09:05 AM

...... who has read the ever so popular
"Stone Butch Blues "
yes ?? no ???
here is a link to download a free copy of the whole book.
Merry Christmas .. :byebye:

http://www.lesliefeinberg.net

In case there is someone else that has never read the book. It is still free for download.

I am glad that I read it.

Lyte

08-19-2016, 05:14 PM

Seems like a lifetime ago when I read it. It was like reading a foreign language. It didn't become more clear until many years later when I began exploring my butch side.

StoicStone

06-06-2017, 08:54 AM

I am an old stone butch. Back in the day, as they say, I was told by other stones in my area that stone meant the butch had no desire to be penetrated and the femme had no desire to penetrate anyone. There could be any varying degree of what boundary the butch or femme had as to touching the butch in any other way and they needed to state their boundaries to each other..but it was generally true that a stone butch did not want their junk touched at all..no touching below the waist. Some of us wanted no touching of any female part on our bodies. The butch usually looked a bit more masculine physically, i.e more narrow hips, masculine dress, but it was not always the case, and the femmes...well they just looked like str8 women pretty much.
The same was true for the mentality , with butches having a more masculine way of thinking, but not necessarily just like biological males, and femmes just, well, thinking like girls.
Everything seems to be a bit more fluid these days and I am no longer sure what exactly stone can be defined as, or even if sexuality can be defined and labeled at all. All I know is I have always identified as stone,and still qualify by the old definition easily, so stone I am lol

Lyte

06-06-2017, 01:20 PM

You're not kidding! Seems like... back in the day... titles / labels / whatever ... had pretty discrete definitions. Now... if you offer up a title / label / whatever it becomes a whole discussion. lol <-- not a bad thing but ya know... :|

Everything seems to be a bit more fluid these days and I am no longer sure what exactly stone can be defined as, or even if sexuality can be defined and labeled at all.

See now... back in my day (just meaning in my neck o' woods)... I only knew of stone butches. Only in the last couple of years have I learned about stone femmes! Who knew?! :p BUT ... in the case of a stone femme ... they can go either way (so to speak!) in that they may have no desire to penetrate OR have no desire to be penetrated!

Sexuality has definitely become UBER fluid! :phonegab:

...and the femme had no desire to penetrate anyone.

Stone-Butch

06-06-2017, 02:04 PM

I totally agree with Stoyc .

I read Stone Butch Blues and also met Leslie in Buffalo at one of her meets. My book is signed by her "In memory of Stonewall". She was a wonderful speaker and had quite a crowd. She is sorely missed by all that were touched by her words. RIP Leslie.

Gemme

06-06-2017, 05:21 PM

See now... back in my day (just meaning in my neck o' woods)... I only knew of stone butches. Only in the last couple of years have I learned about stone femmes! Who knew?! :p BUT ... in the case of a stone femme ... they can go either way (so to speak!) in that they may have no desire to penetrate OR have no desire to be penetrated!

I was told that that was difference between a Stone Femme and a Stonefemme.

BullDog

06-06-2017, 05:37 PM

For me stone means constant so relating fluid to stone doesn't resonate with me at all, but to each their own.

Lyte

06-06-2017, 06:07 PM

Wait... what??? So... "Touch me!" and "Don't touch me!" are separated by a wee lil space??? lol :blush:

Okay... so... if I meet I gal who's femme and stone ... I'll be sure to have her write it out.... so I'll know which one she means. :p

I'm not laughing in your direction Gemme! I'm just laughing us... humans... we're so complicated and funny! Particularly when it comes to sex! ;)

I was told that that was difference between a Stone Femme and a Stonefemme.

BullDog

06-06-2017, 06:09 PM

I think the distinction between Stone Femme and Stonefemme could be useful, but it doesn't seem to me that everyone uses them and/or distinguishes between them in the same way. I've seen both used by femmes who partner with stone butches.

Gemme

06-06-2017, 06:16 PM

Wait... what??? So... "Touch me!" and "Don't touch me!" are separated by a wee lil space??? lol :blush:

Okay... so... if I meet I gal who's femme and stone ... I'll be sure to have her write it out.... so I'll know which one she means. :p

I'm not laughing in your direction Gemme! I'm just laughing us... humans... we're so complicated and funny! Particularly when it comes to sex! ;)

Are you kidding? You know what difference a COMMA makes? It's life changing!

Example:

Let's eat, Grandma!

or

Let's eat Grandma!

~ocean

06-06-2017, 10:29 PM

I am a stone femme ~ I love penetration , I don't have a desire to penetrate my lover. Everyone is different. We all just have different desires.~

Lyte

06-07-2017, 02:11 AM

AmazonDC

06-07-2017, 06:05 AM

I am a STONE DADDY and exit only please.lol love a Stone Femme who is all about penetrationbut recieving only.. communication is key.. likes dislikes hard limits.. that sort of thing..

StoicStone

06-07-2017, 07:58 AM

Oh...well in my area in the old days we called a stone femme who didn't like to be penetrated a Diamond Femme, and a stone butch who liked to remain fully clothed at all times (strapped on outside of clothing) was a Granite Butch.

I neither the butch nor the femme wanted to penetrate/be penetrated, well, we just called them lesbians. That is no longer appropriate, I think, because their are just so many different aspects to how people identify and you can't really throw a single blanket term out there and have it truly mean anything to the younger generations.
I guess we were just woefully under informed about our sexuality and even the nature of it when I was young.

*Anya*

06-07-2017, 08:25 AM

I think that these days, labels are a general "alert" ( probably the wrong word) as to what a person feels comfortable with, to narrow the dating pool down a tad.

The only way to really know, is to discuss. Even then, for some, it depends on the person and the situation.

By the time you are ready to have sex of any type, a clear and open discussion should have already been had.

I do training at my job (one of my hats) about HIV/AIDS and it still amazes me the number of people that tell me that they have sex first and ask the questions after or tell me "but he or she looked clean". I have straight men/straight women/transfolk/lesbians and gays; so it is everyone not always having those open and honest discussions.

By that point, uh oh.

Yes, there are many different sexual identities and desires for lesbians, too.

Gemme

06-07-2017, 08:56 AM

You are so right! ;)

My thought was ... it's two very different meanings with (essentially) the same name... when spoken. Which is why I said I'd have to have the gal write down her preference. Iol Written down... then I'd know if she was with a space or without a space femme. :p

Or you could just talk about it. lol

I think that these days, labels are a general "alert" ( probably the wrong word) as to what a person feels comfortable with, to narrow the dating pool down a tad.

The only way to really know, is to discuss. Even then, for some, it depends on the person and the situation.

By the time you are ready to have sex of any type, a clear and open discussion should have already been had.

I do training at my job (one of my hats) about HIV/AIDS and it still amazes me the number of people that tell me that they have sex first and ask the questions after or tell me "but he or she looked clean". I have straight men/straight women/transfolk/lesbians and gays; so it is everyone not always having those open and honest discussions.

By that point, uh oh.

Yes, there are many different sexual identities and desires for lesbians, too.

Yes! To all of this.

You have two cans of food. One has a label and one doesn't. The one without the label could be anything, good or bad or a combination of both, but at least you have an idea of what might be in the other can, even if the label is faded and worn or half torn off. You at least have a clue of what you might be in for.

I get what you are saying about an 'alert'. Labels give me a general idea of what someone's likes/dislikes/limits might be but without a good conversation filled with hard and honest questions, one will not know for sure.

Never make assumptions, though.

Lyte

06-07-2017, 01:16 PM

Shystonefem

06-07-2017, 02:20 PM

I didn't know there was a difference between Stone Femme and Stonefemme.

What I found very interesting is that, in one article, they discussed the difference between a high femme and a Stone Femme / Sonefemme (incorrectly).

They made Stone Femmes / Stonefemmes sound like sirens and high Femmes, the prize.

I realize labels are fluid but I am, in no way, a hard stone that doesn't feel anything and adapts because I learned how. That is how Stone Femmes/ Stonefemmes were described.

dark_crystal

06-07-2017, 03:39 PM

I identify as stone because i don't naturally default to an active role, but my only hard limit is around the wearing of toys.

Outside of that, i will do things that are outside of my default role, but there has to be a specific and direct request lol

*Anya*

06-07-2017, 03:53 PM

I have loved the world of BFP because I have learned so much that I never knew.

I have been out since 1978 but much has changed since that time. My world got smaller during my 19-years with the same woman.

I have appreciated the frank discussions on the threads like this and I have appreciated that one could honestly admit a lack of knowledge (respectfully, of course) and that there is always someone that will step in to educate (also respectfully).

Sometimes, I get touchy because it has been difficult for me at times, when, on occasion, I feel as though I need to stand up and represent for those of us that still identify as lesbians.

No one loses their shit however, and I appreciate that too.

StoicStone

06-08-2017, 07:21 AM

For me stone means constant so relating fluid to stone doesn't resonate with me at all, but to each their own.

To me it has always been a constant as well, but things seem different among the younger generations. I think they feel a need to define things in a way that is more specifically personal for the way they feel about their sexuality and gender identity. My generation was extremely naive in comparison. I don't think it ever occurred to us to explore the diversity of emotional gender, we just accepted (or rejected) the labels already in place without question.
Life used to be a box of chocolates, now it is a bag of skittles.

However, when I stated that things were more fluid I didn't really mean that stone is fluid, I just meant that gender ID and sexuality in general is more fluid than in the old days. Young people are far more informed about sexuality and feel comfortable exploring gender ID and redefining labels or creating new ones. In the old days we were far too busy trying to avoid being arrested for not wearing three articles of clothing associated with our biological gender. lol

I should also state that there is nothing wrong with just identifying as lesbian, nor is there anything wrong with not identifying s butch or femme. No one way of identifying is better or worse than another. I think what you feel you are is what you are and we should embrace and celebrate the diversity in the GLBT community.

Gemme

06-08-2017, 08:43 AM

Well of course! It just struck me funny how that conversation might go... :jester:

Her: I'm a stone femme

Me: Oh... uh ... so... is that with the space or without the space?

Her: Sorry? *looking confused*

Me: Well... ya know... is that... capitol S space capitol F? Or... just capital S ... no space.

Her: *looking more confused*

Me: Ya know... penetration good *makes goofy happy happy face* ... or penetration bad?? *makes exaggerated sad face*

*waitress overhears, turns and walks slowly away from our table*

Her: Umm... I'm going to powder my nose ... I'll be right back. *looking a little nervous*

Me: Oh sure... certainly... *oblivious*

*Her leaves table... heads towards restroom and then darts the opposite direction out of the restaurant*

Yes, these are the things that amuse me. :p

*falls over laughing

How about saving that conversation for the second date?

You know, I buck the system anyway. Technically, according to everything I learned about Stonefemme and Stone Femme, I should be Stonefemme but I don't like the way that looks in writing, so I say Stone Femme. Because of grammar.

Whatcha gonna do with THAT?

It's a good thing I'm already taken cuz there might not be hope for me.

To me it has always been a constant as well, but things seem different among the younger generations. I think they feel a need to define things in a way that is more specifically personal for the way they feel about their sexuality and gender identity. My generation was extremely naive in comparison. I don't think it ever occurred to us to explore the diversity of emotional gender, we just accepted (or rejected) the labels already in place without question.
Life used to be a box of chocolates, now it is a bag of skittles.

However, when I stated that things were more fluid I didn't really mean that stone is fluid, I just meant that gender ID and sexuality in general is more fluid than in the old days. Young people are far more informed about sexuality and feel comfortable exploring gender ID and redefining labels or creating new ones. In the old days we were far too busy trying to avoid being arrested for not wearing three articles of clothing associated with our biological gender. lol

I should also state that there is nothing wrong with just identifying as lesbian, nor is there anything wrong with not identifying s butch or femme. No one way of identifying is better or worse than another. I think what you feel you are is what you are and we should embrace and celebrate the diversity in the GLBT community.

I agree with this. Plus it's the 'me, me, me' generation now, so I think that plays into it too.

For the record, I'm totally stealing this -----> "Life used to be a box of chocolates, now it is a bag of skittles."

Priceless!

BullDog

06-08-2017, 08:53 AM

To me it has always been a constant as well, but things seem different among the younger generations. I think they feel a need to define things in a way that is more specifically personal for the way they feel about their sexuality and gender identity. My generation was extremely naive in comparison. I don't think it ever occurred to us to explore the diversity of emotional gender, we just accepted (or rejected) the labels already in place without question.
Life used to be a box of chocolates, now it is a bag of skittles.

However, when I stated that things were more fluid I didn't really mean that stone is fluid, I just meant that gender ID and sexuality in general is more fluid than in the old days. Young people are far more informed about sexuality and feel comfortable exploring gender ID and redefining labels or creating new ones. In the old days we were far too busy trying to avoid being arrested for not wearing three articles of clothing associated with our biological gender. lol

I should also state that there is nothing wrong with just identifying as lesbian, nor is there anything wrong with not identifying s butch or femme. No one way of identifying is better or worse than another. I think what you feel you are is what you are and we should embrace and celebrate the diversity in the GLBT community.

Yes it's nice that the younger generations have more room to explore gender and sexuality in some ways. I have also seen stone discussed for some as something that is fluid for them, or they are stone-in-the-moment. To me the very essence of stone is its constancy, and I am very happy to be that way rather than fluid - even if that is all the rage, lol. For those who have a different personal definition of stone and what it means to them than I do that's perfectly fine.

I am really happy to be a dominant stone butch Daddy partnered with a submissive stone femme and have our old school dynamic. I was just talking to my girl yesterday about it. Our roles are "set in stone" and we are very happy that way, but that doesn't mean there isn't room for spontaneity or personal and relationship growth.

Lyte

06-08-2017, 11:20 AM

I dunno!! lol Maybe I'd be the one dartin' outta the restaurant! :p

Whatcha gonna do with THAT?

ClintB

06-10-2017, 09:32 PM

I think I will continue to avoid using the word stone to describe myself, and correct those that try.

I think for now on I'll just tell girls my switch is broken :tease:

Chained Daisy

06-11-2017, 02:19 AM

StoicStone

06-11-2017, 06:13 AM

`Pops head around door`....

Excuse me, not wishing to interrupt but I`m sure there would be a thread here about Stone Femme identity but I`m struggling to find it, anyone able to send me off in the right direction please ?

Many thanks

I searched the site just a minute ago, and didn't find a stone femme thread either. I would suggest you start one, but I think perhaps the reason no one has yet, is because they fear thread crashing. (That is what I call posts from people who for some reason feel the need to be publicly criticize others whose
way of identifying, or other subject matter they either don't approve of or don't understand)

Note: I'm not trying to put anyone down or make any accusations, I've just noticed that thread crashing happens a lot on ALL forum sites. Doesn't matter what the purpose of the forum is. I've even seen this activity on parenting/grandparenting forums. If more than two people come together for any kind of discussion there is bound to be a certain amount of judging and conflict.