To Write Love on Her Arms

[Mister Bent]

Depression, as the commercial says, affects everyone.

It's affected me.

Maybe it's affected you.

It's affected someone you love.

Depression affects us all, and yet it is still stigmatized.

Because depression affects us all, it affects us here, which made me start to wonder how we can support each other in an online forum, especially with the sword of stigma hanging over our heads.


Yesterday was To Write Love on Her Arms Day.

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression,
addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

More info at the TWLOHA site (http://www.twloha.com/facts/); it's a beautiful story.


It got me thinking - What about a BFP To Write Love on Her Arms Day? In addition to support for those with depression, addiction or who self-harm, it can be seen as a sort of coming out - "we're here, we're down, but don't throw us out!" ( Ok, there are better battle cries out there, I admit.)

So, I don't know what's next - set a day? Start writing love on her arm (or his, for that matter) and post the photos?

How can our community contribute and offer support? In my mind, this isn't a one time thing, but an effort of on-going support within our community.

Thoughts?

[suebee]

I've struggled with depression for years. Probably most of my life. I've lost so much because of it: a career, friends, money..... I'd love to see us support each other. I think we're the only ones who can truly understand what that black hole is about. Subscribing. I'll be back.

Sue

[SuperFemme]

My teen who attempted suicide in May was so moved by this (she received a note from Snow on FB) that she got a big movement going at her H.S.

She is doing fabulous now and has that one amazing teacher who nurtures her as Peer/Leadership/Mentor teacher. With that class they spread the word and had a large amount of teens with love on their arms. She also spread the word around to the middle school children they mentor so the movement spilled over in large numbers to the Jr. High.

It's nice to have a kid who comes home laughing with a smile in her eyes and I am not quite ready to wash my arm.

[Jet]

This summer, I was picked up on a 10-13 intending to commit suicide. (It was my 4th attempt in 10 years.) There was intervention that night from a neighbor. I'm not manic or anything, (having taken the MMPI evaluation test recently) I was just done. My test did show patterns of depression, which I found can take many forms. See, I lost everything—things I can't recover because of a trauma. And in the process of renewing and rebuilding my life, I get depressed because it's daunting to recover and rebuild. The night I was picked up on a 10-13 was because I having to face so much loss.
So I get it, and I would be available to lend whatever support here at BFP.

[kassykit]

Perhaps just a place where we could get our feelings out without fear of the repercussions.

I live and grew up in a very strict household. Though many wouldn't see it that way.

I had very few written rules, but many many unspoken rules.

My depression is fed by i am not what was expected of me. I feel i have never been good enough, fast enough, pretty enough, or even much wanted.

It's one thing for me to vocalize what i know my issues are, its quite another for me to actually get over soemthing that's been a part of my life since i was very little :)

Maybe we could support each other, by at first.............. just listening.

Maybe set up a network where if osmeone IS in crisis, they could call. I don't know about anyone else, but the annonny lines, i've never been able to call those.

I've always ended up going to the ER, usually after doing something stupid. (like taking every pill in the house)

[kassykit]

Honey i know you don't know me, but if you need to talk..... just message me. I am in the process of rebuilding right now..... it's a long hard road, with huge speedbumps sometimes


This summer, I was picked up on a 10-13 intending to commit suicide. (It was my 4th attempt in 10 years.) There was intervention that night from a neighbor. I'm not manic or anything, (having taken the MMPI evaluation test recently) I was just done. My test did show patterns of depression, which I found can take many forms. See, I lost everything—things I can't recover because of a trauma. And in the process of renewing and rebuilding my life, I get depressed because it's daunting to recover and rebuild. The night I was picked up on a 10-13 was because I having to face so much loss.
So I get it, and I would be available to lend whatever support here at BFP.

[Jet]

it's a long hard road, with huge speedbumps sometimes
yes it is, thank you.

[kassykit]

-leaves you a huge box of choccies and tea!-

yes it is, thank you.

[Mister Bent]

My teen who attempted suicide in May was so moved by this (she received a note from Snow on FB) that she got a big movement going at her H.S.

She is doing fabulous now and has that one amazing teacher who nurtures her as Peer/Leadership/Mentor teacher. With that class they spread the word and had a large amount of teens with love on their arms. She also spread the word around to the middle school children they mentor so the movement spilled over in large numbers to the Jr. High.

It's nice to have a kid who comes home laughing with a smile in her eyes and I am not quite ready to wash my arm.


What a great story, Superflyfemme. Glad to hear she's made a turn around, and that she's even gone a step further and is using her experience to help others.

I'd be willing to bet most of us have a story of that one teacher, or coach, or older person who reached out in some way to keep us going through some hard stuff.

This summer, I was picked up on a 10-13 intending to commit suicide. (It was my 4th attempt in 10 years.) There was intervention that night from a neighbor. I'm not manic or anything, (having taken the MMPI evaluation test recently) I was just done. My test did show patterns of depression, which I found can take many forms. See, I lost everything—things I can't recover because of a trauma. And in the process of renewing and rebuilding my life, I get depressed because it's daunting to recover and rebuild. The night I was picked up on a 10-13 was because I having to face so much loss.
So I get it, and I would be available to lend whatever support here at BFP.

Rebuilding is daunting. But it's like any big task, it helps to break it into smaller, more attainable goals (just like transitioning).

Do you think your neighbor helped in that you felt less alone with your pain? What made the difference for you that night?

<snip>Perhaps just a place where we could get our feelings out without fear of the repercussions.

I think this is fundamentally important.

I've seen people take the knowledge of another's depression - their use of an anti-depressant - and try to belittle them for it. I've seen it happen in queer space, on a butch/femme forum, as if it were somehow relevant.

<snip>
Maybe we could support each other, by at first.............. just listening.

Maybe set up a network where if osmeone IS in crisis, they could call. I don't know about anyone else, but the annonny lines, i've never been able to call those.

Listening is important. Sometimes it helps just to be able to say (or write) out loud those things that are making you feel desperate.

[Jet]

My teen who attempted suicide in May was so moved by this (she received a note from Snow on FB) that she got a big movement going at her H.S.

She is doing fabulous now and has that one amazing teacher who nurtures her as Peer/Leadership/Mentor teacher. With that class they spread the word and had a large amount of teens with love on their arms. She also spread the word around to the middle school children they mentor so the movement spilled over in large numbers to the Jr. High.

It's nice to have a kid who comes home laughing with a smile in her eyes and I am not quite ready to wash my arm.


I have to tell you how glad i am that your daughter pulled through and then pursued the ripple affect in helping her peer groups. Thumbs up and a hug back from Georgia.

[Jet]

[QUOTE=Mister Bent;5484]
Do you think your neighbor helped in that you felt less alone with your pain? What made the difference for you that night?

No, I never felt less alone. (I was mad that my neighbor called the cops, though‚ which was actually a godsend in disguise) What made the difference is that I realized I didn't want to take my life as much as I wanted to be rid of the pain of facing my trauma which had been going one for about a year. Now I'm doing better than ever, but it was hell for a year.

[NCaliFemme]

Depression is so hard and has been affecting me quite a bit lately. I thought I was doing better and I realize that I'm not. That is so very hard to admit.

I've realized lately that I'm a "fluffer". To the outside world, I'm happy, I'm the one that you come to when things aren't going so well with you. When I'm asked how I'm doing, I fluff and say I'm fine. Things are great. I don't let people in. Why you ask? It's because I don't want to get hurt anymore.

I've had a lot happen this past year, I lost one of my friends to cancer, I was injured at my job and have not been able to return to work, my youngest child left home and I moved to a new community and am in a new relationship. I've been "fluffing", saying everything is fine, when it's not.

I, too, have lost everything from a traumatic experience. It's so hard to rebuild not try to be angry about where I am now. I am starting to rebuild once again and I'm thinking that maybe I didn't learn my lesson the first time; so I get to do it again and again until I get it right. It's hard, but I keep telling myself that I was never promised an easy road and that I have it so much better than so many others. So I will keep going step by step, day by day and try and keep a positive attitude.

Hopefully, I'll be getting into counseling again real soon. I'm trying to be more present and expressing how I really feel. Letting those around me know when things are hard so that I can lean on them. The problem is I think that I'm a burden on them. Silly me, they want to be there for me just like I love being there for my friends when they need a friend.

Thanks for listening.

Signed,

The Newest Member of the BFP To Write Love on Her Arms

[D-Money]

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

[Jet]

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

Ditto. great post. But I think the writing thing for depression was intended to be equivalent to ribbons for AIDS or breast cancer etc. *shrugs* I dunno I'm assuming. There's nothing much more comforting than a hug or kind words.

[owen4u1904]

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

I have had two friends do the whole suicide thing. And I dont like it when people are afraid to talk about it. Because unfortunately it is a part of our lives. I have even taken a class for suicide prevention/intervention kinda thing. I am very big on raising awareness for depression because I have not come to that point in my life but I know when I get in a funk I dont like it. I do have trichotillomania, been doing it since I was 11 or so. And it makes me wonder if that is my way of "cutting" or making myself feel better. I am going to therapy again for the 3rd time, so hopefully 3rd time is a charm. Gonna attempt to get more family members in there this time. Gonna be started on paxil, since my therapist claims its ocd related, but my next meeting I wanna talk to her about it. Some people have said if you take paxil and get depressed it can make you even more depressed.

[The_Lady_Snow]

To Write Love On Her Arms.... It's a cause that I have fully supported since I have found out about it, it is not a fashionable way for me to run around with a heart on my hand or wrist, it is something I strongly believe in and believe it has and will continue to help those who have felt this way or feel this..

It is something that shows people they are not alone, that someone cares and that there is help...

When Superfemme's daughter went through her own personal hell, I remembered about what this organization means to my own kid who fought her own personal demons growing into her skin. I figured it would help her see like it has many of us..

No, you are not alone.... Someone quoted a friend saying this was a trendy thing to do, I dunno much about trends matter of fact I could give a fuck who does what and why I do things because I believe in them and know how they have personally affected us.

Mister Bent I would participate in a TWLOHA day here on the Planet, and post pics...

Thank you so much for bringing up such a difficult subject and shedding a light on such an awesome movement....

[Andrew, Jr.]

There is another site I posted about called Bringchange2mind.org. It is a host of psa's to help eliminate the usual negative stigma of mental illness most of us face. It was started up by Ron Howard and Glenn Close. They are now on TV, and you can watch them online as well.

Personally, anything that helps anyone with mental illness in a positive way has my full attention and acceptance.

[Princess4u]

Such lovely thoughts and expressions...and part of me really thinks that ppl mean them when they say them. But my black hell has never know the light of day..and never will...and I have heard those words so many times...and found to be so untrue...its seem to be a waste of breath to me. The only hope I have....is that I cant live forever..and one day...all this will be over. I stopped praying for strength and support...now I pray that HE will take me as soon as possible. But...they are such lovely thoughts!

[Spirit Dancer]

Princess
There are many people who are sincere and helpful. If you need help or someone to talk too call, pm, chat i'm here for you.
You are not alone, never feel you can't reach out to someone, I've been where you are and lost a lifetime friend because she couldn't reach out.
I'm extending my hand, please know you're not alone.





Such lovely thoughts and expressions...and part of me really thinks that ppl mean them when they say them. But my black hell has never know the light of day..and never will...and I have heard those words so many times...and found to be so untrue...its seem to be a waste of breath to me. The only hope I have....is that I cant live forever..and one day...all this will be over. I stopped praying for strength and support...now I pray that HE will take me as soon as possible. But...they are such lovely thoughts!

[Ms. Meander]

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=822&ppuser=482

[Princess4u]

I hear so much....yet feel nothing but pain...sometimes...there arent any tears to release it...yet it grows so much more day by day...reality is....hard to stare in the face and accept ones place in life...yet i suppose we all must do this at some point in time...or even several...you are all such wonderful ppl...and yet I am so unworthy...undeserving of such kindness. How can one as dirty and devoid of value....deserve such kind ppl....you know whats funny is ppl who dont even know me ..havent met me...held my hand...are kinder than the ppl in my real time life...including the ex...funny huh...makes me wonder...if you arent wasting your time and kindness ...there is someone else way more deserving ....if ppl who say the "love" me...cant find time to care...why would you? Yes reality...is sad...but true...and ever more painful to face..especially alone....

[alex k]

Princess, you are never truly alone. There is always someone in the same place as you even if it is for different reasons and there is always someone there with a hand or a hug just for you if only you can see them. And sometimes if the only true friends you have are here and not in real life it still means you have real friends who care. You know i can be a joker but know i am always here as well- sometimes at the oddest hours

[julieisafemme]

Depression is not the only thing that kills. I suffer from OCD and spent the first 40 years of my life locked in a box. I still have the box and still go there on occasion (took a little visit this morning). With the help of my amazing therapist and medication I am actually here, present, accounted for, showing up. I have lost so many years and I have so much to learn about the world. I am building instead of rebuilding right now.

Thank you to everyone here who has posted their story. We have to remove the stigma of mental illness. I tell people all the time as it is relevant to the conversation. I am not ashamed. We can get better.

I just thank G-d every day that I have access to very good health care.

Thank you MisterBent for bringing this important topic up.

Oh and I would write on my arm or put on a shirt or whatever. Because *I* do know what the hell I am talking about and would talk and talk and talk to anyone interested to learn.

Julie

[Soft*Silver]

I have tears in my eyes as I read and respond to this...first, because I lost my brother to suicide due to severe depression and reading stories of those who battled with it just suck the breath right out of me, even 35 years later. You just dont know how much it hurts to be the one left behind...

and then the tears spill because this past year was one of my hardest years I ever got thru. I was SEVERELY suicidal most of last winter and early spring. Talk about losing everything...good god...everything, including my sobriety of 20 years. Lost my daughter who wouldnt speak to me because of the relapse. Lost any hope of living happily ever after. Lost my cord that kept me to this earth...yep...

small things pull us thru sometimes...it was my dog's dementia that kept me from pulling the trigger. She was so attached to me and so needy and so lost when I wasnt there for her. To kill myself would essentially be killing her. And I just couldnt do that to her. Sounds silly now, sounds like an excuse not to follow in my brother's footsteps (and suicide is often a family coping mechanism) and I am almost ashamed to say a dog saved my life...it sounds so..silly..

but it is what kept me here. And I called my sister one night, and she came over and I purged all of my suicidal thoughts of worthlessness and pain. And she wept hard...because I had called her BEFORE and she was not needing to do for me what she had done for my brother...(too graphic to tell here...)

Now I am sober over a year again. My daughter clings to me so glad I am home and alive. I have a wonderful guy in my life and we are building slowly. My health is shot but I am working on establishing some way I can feel worthwhile again in the mental health profession. And more importantly, I am grounded again...I see myself as a person worth living for. I love the title of it...To Write Love On Her Arms. I did subtle things to cue myself of my worth..I would paint my nails a new color every day so that when I looked at my colors, I would think of how much I loved myself and wanted to stay. My honey never knew this...we have a LDR...but he sent me dozens of polishes this summer. His love, with mine, pieced me back together again...

thanks, Mr Bently, for making this thread. For me. For all of us. Thank you.

[Deborah]

[B]
[COLOR="Red"]small things pull us thru sometimes...it was my dog's dementia that kept me from pulling the trigger. She was so attached to me and so needy and so lost when I wasnt there for her. To kill myself would essentially be killing her. And I just couldnt do that to her. Sounds silly now, sounds like an excuse not to follow in my brother's footsteps (and suicide is often a family coping mechanism) and I am almost ashamed to say a dog saved my life...it sounds so..silly..


Not silly at all...this makes so much sense to me it brings tears to my eyes....you have shown how strong and kind you are by staying here for those reasons...

[suebee]

I have tears in my eyes as I read and respond to this...first, because I lost my brother to suicide due to severe depression and reading stories of those who battled with it just suck the breath right out of me, even 35 years later. You just dont know how much it hurts to be the one left behind...

and then the tears spill because this past year was one of my hardest years I ever got thru. I was SEVERELY suicidal most of last winter and early spring. Talk about losing everything...good god...everything, including my sobriety of 20 years. Lost my daughter who wouldnt speak to me because of the relapse. Lost any hope of living happily ever after. Lost my cord that kept me to this earth...yep...

small things pull us thru sometimes...it was my dog's dementia that kept me from pulling the trigger. She was so attached to me and so needy and so lost when I wasnt there for her. To kill myself would essentially be killing her. And I just couldnt do that to her. Sounds silly now, sounds like an excuse not to follow in my brother's footsteps (and suicide is often a family coping mechanism) and I am almost ashamed to say a dog saved my life...it sounds so..silly..

but it is what kept me here. And I called my sister one night, and she came over and I purged all of my suicidal thoughts of worthlessness and pain. And she wept hard...because I had called her BEFORE and she was not needing to do for me what she had done for my brother...(too graphic to tell here...)

Now I am sober over a year again. My daughter clings to me so glad I am home and alive. I have a wonderful guy in my life and we are building slowly. My health is shot but I am working on establishing some way I can feel worthwhile again in the mental health profession. And more importantly, I am grounded again...I see myself as a person worth living for. I love the title of it...To Write Love On Her Arms. I did subtle things to cue myself of my worth..I would paint my nails a new color every day so that when I looked at my colors, I would think of how much I loved myself and wanted to stay. My honey never knew this...we have a LDR...but he sent me dozens of polishes this summer. His love, with mine, pieced me back together again...

thanks, Mr Bently, for making this thread. For me. For all of us. Thank you.

Softness. Your dog is not a silly excuse to hang on. We know that they need us, and that we'd be abandoning them if we leave. My animal companions are all that kept me hanging on for a couple of years where I had bouts of severe suicidal thoughts - sometimes for months at a time. A friend of mine who was a psychiatric nurse once sent an outpatient client back to her mother's house - an hour's drive away - because she had left her cat there the previous weekend and my friend was sure it was a precusor to suicide.

We hold on to what we have. Who cares if it's a little thing? It's our version of "One Day at a Time", and as long as it works, that's all that's important.

Since I came out of the worst of my depression I've had to deal with lung cancer, and now am waiting for test results to confirm a diagnosis of a particular type of arthritis. I'm in pain ALL the time. Now here's the good news: I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle major crises in life after my depression. I was afraid that the black monster would come back and claim me. Well guess what - I'm stronger than it is. I may have lost a lot because of it, I may be a change person since it. But I am stronger than it.

So are you.

We are ALL there for you. You only need to ask. Any one of us will help. You will have your life back. You are working on it. It won't be the same life, but it will be YOURS.

[Princess4u]

Dear Softness,
How amazing you are....how wondefully amazing you are...your courage and strength are evident in what you have survived and how you took control...YOU took control....I was just telling a friend lastnight that we have to take control of our lives.....we have a right to take our lives back from the demons which torment us....and you did.....and for one..I can say........Softenss...I am gladd you did......keep painting your nails sister....perhaps we can have polish swaps when you run out.......thank you for calling your sister...and thank you for taking your life back...and thank you for coming here to share with us!! Love and peace..Princess

[Soft*Silver]

well, my sister...you have walked in your darkness and survived. Count yourself amongst the courageous!

We all have demons..some demons more ugly than others but I try to remember that the demons are not us. We are not the ugly. The ugly is all that unhealed pain of generations of torture, until it got down to us. Now that I realize that, I simply wont pass it on and I wont die from it. Not now.


My old dog has taught me alot about love. Such as, those you can depend on and are always there for you are the ones worthy of your love. All I did was love her enough not to die for her. I put her first. In doing so, I saved my own life. Its funny how that works... but if I had done that for someone OH so not worthy of it, I am sure it would have made my depression worse...

hang in there...dont let go...call out for someone...hold on for some reason....just dont go...





Dear Softness,
How amazing you are....how wondefully amazing you are...your courage and strength are evident in what you have survived and how you took control...YOU took control....I was just telling a friend lastnight that we have to take control of our lives.....we have a right to take our lives back from the demons which torment us....and you did.....and for one..I can say........Softenss...I am gladd you did......keep painting your nails sister....perhaps we can have polish swaps when you run out.......thank you for calling your sister...and thank you for taking your life back...and thank you for coming here to share with us!! Love and peace..Princess

[Princess4u]

well, my sister...you have walked in your darkness and survived. Count yourself amongst the courageous!

We all have demons..some demons more ugly than others but I try to remember that the demons are not us. We are not the ugly. The ugly is all that unhealed pain of generations of torture, until it got down to us. Now that I realize that, I simply wont pass it on and I wont die from it. Not now.


My old dog has taught me alot about love. Such as, those you can depend on and are always there for you are the ones worthy of your love. All I did was love her enough not to die for her. I put her first. In doing so, I saved my own life. Its funny how that works... but if I had done that for someone OH so not worthy of it, I am sure it would have made my depression worse...

hang in there...dont let go...call out for someone...hold on for some reason....just dont go...


If you mean survive because I am still breathing....then yes....i am lucky as we all are....but I think we all know otherwise...surviving doenst just mean "going through the motions" and breathing in and out 20 times a minute...which even then takes more effort than its worth. Softness....I am blessed you are here....I am greatful that you reached out....and I hope that should such a time come again you would reach out just once more...We all continue with the struggle of "not giving up" and sometimes it takes someone else to remind us why we are here....and its as simple as just breathing so we can be here for one another when we are needed the most. much love my nail polish sister.....I am holding you high and I am holding you tight!!!

[Mitmo01]

wow Softness I can totally relate, last year the only thing that kept me around were my 4 cats. I was so depressed that it was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other and not slice my wrists open but these felines that have chosen me..not the other way around mind you.....saved my life

They have all given me so much more than I could ever give them

They made me stay here when i had no desire to at all and to them I am truly grateful

yeah depression is a motherfucker

and sometimes its so hard to not give up

[Soft*Silver]

Now that I am on this side of the depression, what I figured out, was as long as I put one foot in front of the other, and breathed in and out 20 times a minute, I was close to the sun than I was to the darkness...and because I kept doing it, I am where I am now.

when my brother killed himself, he ended his ability to look back and say, "wow, glad I didnt do that"....

and if you think no one loves you enough to stay here, think again. You have NO idea what the people left behind go thru. And they go thru it because they do love you... even if its your dog, dammit, stay for them...

[Princess4u]

Now that I am on this side of the depression, what I figured out, was as long as I put one foot in front of the other, and breathed in and out 20 times a minute, I was close to the sun than I was to the darkness...and because I kept doing it, I am where I am now.

when my brother killed himself, he ended his ability to look back and say, "wow, glad I didnt do that"....

and if you think no one loves you enough to stay here, think again. You have NO idea what the people left behind go thru. And they go thru it because they do love you... even if its your dog, dammit, stay for them...

I think that is why i have gotten so attached to my friend's dogs..i have never been so attachted to a dog before.......and now i actually pine for him ...i wish i could have animals...but my landlord says otherwise......so here i pine for Brody....and keep counting the breaths every minute....for what I still dont know....????? I wonder if it even really matters......

[Soft*Silver]

honey, I am going to say this to you...and to anyone who says things like "I wonder if it even really matters...." Have you thought about going to therapy? And if you say it wont help, NOT GOING really wont help. GOING might....

I did...and yes, lord yes, it helped... there is no harm in seeking help. No shame. Its far better than dying...

just saying...consider it....

I think that is why i have gotten so attached to my friend's dogs..i have never been so attachted to a dog before.......and now i actually pine for him ...i wish i could have animals...but my landlord says otherwise......so here i pine for Brody....and keep counting the breaths every minute....for what I still dont know....????? I wonder if it even really matters......

[Princess4u]

honey, I am going to say this to you...and to anyone who says things like "I wonder if it even really matters...." Have you thought about going to therapy? And if you say it wont help, NOT GOING really wont help. GOING might....

I did...and yes, lord yes, it helped... there is no harm in seeking help. No shame. Its far better than dying...

just saying...consider it....

Yes I have and have been.......many times for that matter.....lets see...one therapist was ever available when i arrived for my appointments....she was on the phone....doing paperwork....so i stopped going..this past summer .....i was in therapy and he thought bc i was a nurse.....it was more important to discuss the current healthcare situations...and when i would try to steer things back to my situation.(how selfish of me) well he turns them back to his topic of the day....so i stopped going...unfortuanatly i am no in a position to pay out of pocket and i have no health insurance.....and TN doesnt have crap for mental health

[Princess4u]

how much longer does this hell have to continue?

[chefhottie25]

After getting clean from heroin and cocaine, I suffered many bouts of depression. I ended up seeking help at a local mental health clinic. I was blessed to be assigned to an amazing psychiatrist who specialized in addiction. He put me on meds and waited for me to be 6 months clean before diagnosing me. I was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia. The thought of that alone put me into a deep depression. My doc kept changing my meds until we found the combination that works the best. I still get depressed from time to time, but nothing like before. I believe that meds and therapy help. I know it seems hopeless when you are depressed, but help is available. You just have to make yourself seek it out.

[Kätzchen]

Depression, as the commercial says, affects everyone.

It's affected me.

Maybe it's affected you.

It's affected someone you love.

Depression affects us all, and yet it is still stigmatized.

Because depression affects us all, it affects us here, which made me start to wonder how we can support each other in an online forum, especially with the sword of stigma hanging over our heads.


Yesterday was To Write Love on Her Arms Day.

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression,
addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

More info at the TWLOHA site (http://www.twloha.com/facts/); it's a beautiful story.


It got me thinking - What about a BFP To Write Love on Her Arms Day? In addition to support for those with depression, addiction or who self-harm, it can be seen as a sort of coming out - "we're here, we're down, but don't throw us out!" ( Ok, there are better battle cries out there, I admit.)

So, I don't know what's next - set a day? Start writing love on her arm (or his, for that matter) and post the photos?

How can our community contribute and offer support? In my mind, this isn't a one time thing, but an effort of on-going support within our community.

Thoughts?

Thank you for the courage you have for presenting a very sensitive topic for discussion and consideration, Mr. Bent.

"Depression" has been a part of my family history and at times, I know I have experienced levels of depression over my life. I have often wondered about the correlation between genetics and physiology of the human body we are born, gifted with and what seems to be interconnected with our individual identity. Varying levels of depression run on both sides of my family and uncles, aunts, and even my eldest son have either successfully taken their own lives or lived to face their challenges with as much dignity as possible.

I think that if healing can come by practicing TWHLOA - writing loving text upon the body - improves how one feels about oneself, then I wholeheartedy want to support this endeavor!

Again, thanks so much for the opportunity to come alongside with others and help to foster wellness, hope, peace and to express loving kindness for people in an integrative approach!

~ALK

[Andrew, Jr.]

Today is a day when I am hanging onto those in this thread. I am having a horrible day. I am filled with so much emotion when I usually am not one for any. It is strange. A battlefield of my mind. :fencing:

[suebee]

I'm feeling better than I have for years. Now that may be hard to read if you're having a bad go of it right now, but I say it so that you can know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. I don't think either my therapist or my doctor thought I would survive my depression. I know I didn't think I would. So just get through today. Take the steps you can - but DO what you can. This damnedable disease robs us of our hope.....but please know (you may not feel it, but -KNOW) that there IS hope!

I posted during the winter that I thought I had arthritis: turns out it was a virus that mimics severe arthritis by affecting the auto-immune system, and it seems to be passing. Thanks to all those who showed concern for me.

Sue :peacelove:

[Apocalipstic]

Mister Bent! What a wonderful subject for a thread, I am so very sorry I did not see it until now.

I would love to see a To Write Love on Her/His Arms Day! I would support it 100%.

Many of us here struggle with depression.

I am humbled at the outpouring of support for people with depression.

SuperFemme, the story about your daughter made me cry. How wonderful that Snow was there to tell her about this and get her motivated to help others as she helps herself.

Love to all of you!

[Billy]

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

You really think it's a trend ..And because you don't like it you think its stupid for others to show there emotion or support by putting this on their arm ..Amazing ..

[DalenaQ]

Post is spam and thus removed.

[katsarecool]

What a great thread!!! I would never have found it except I go to Who's Online and have seen some good topics that were before my time here.

I have major depressive disorder or so the professionals say. I think it is more situational depression which is caused by physical pain that is constant. Some days are worse than others. Depression and chronic pain all too often go hand in hand.

I used to be such an achiever; high energy; very accomplished in my career, involved with family and a busy social life. Things changed in an instant and I have had to learn how to adapt. I still mourn my abilities and accomplishments of old but take one day at a time.

Somedays I get frustrated when I feel I am so behind in taking care of my home and there is no help available which makes it worse when struggling with heavy work like cutting grass, vaccuuming, cleaning the floors, etc. I wish my family was able to help me. They don't because I put on a happy face and refuse to ask for help. I did a few times and was let down.

I have ended up having to pay some men in the neighborhood to do things I can no longer do so that has made me feel somewhat better. I still can't help but be upset with family members. I was the one that always went out of my way to do things for them big time!!! So there is some resentment there as well.

I struggle with doing daily chores and have to measure out my activities and balance with rest. The last year exercise has increased endurane and lessened the pain.

For the past three years I have been off anti-depressants and feel better mentally now. They did a good job in the beginning and then their affectiveness wore off.

I hope there is a renewed interest in this subject because reading it was amazing to me.

[Mister Bent]

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

Ditto. great post. But I think the writing thing for depression was intended to be equivalent to ribbons for AIDS or breast cancer etc. *shrugs* I dunno I'm assuming. There's nothing much more comforting than a hug or kind words.

I haven't posted here in some time, because I simply wanted to create the space for those who have been affected, for whom this is a relevant issue, speak in their own voices. That includes those who dissent, as well.

Although these are older posts, I wanted to address each. First, I think it's worth pointing out that writing love on his/her arms does not preclude awareness, educating oneself on symptoms and conditions, or otherwise offering support ("a hug" - which frankly is often as not what a person in the depths of deep, clinical depression needs, or even wants). In fact, the entire point of this "movement" is to draw a big bright arrow that points toward the condition so to place it in the public consciousness. After that, it is up to individuals to educate themselves as needed. Even if one "clueless" trend follower then starts to ask questions and learns a thing or two, I think the cause has been served.

Those who don't think this "movement is a good thing" are given the choice to simply not participate, while others continue to draw a dangerous, largely unspoken, and highly stigmatized condition out into the light. If we don't know who needs the help, to whom are we to offer it?

[The_Lady_Snow]

We are supporters of this movement! It's helped a lot of young people know they are not alone. TWLOHA has booths set up at @Warped Tour@ so kids & adults become aware via music.

Thanks Bent for keeping this real issue amongst our youth & adults alive.

[Ms. Meander]

To me this topic is intensely personal, for no matter how much distance lies between my present self and the darkest days of my youth, I shall always bear the evidence upon my skin of the struggle I endured. I have grown, healed, overcome. But still, there are days when I see these scars and must fight off the guilt, shame, and stigma.

I support the "movement" as a means of awareness. And more personally, it is a means of empowerment and self-love. Whether I literally write love on my arm or simply think loving, courageous thoughts, I am strengthened by bringing to light what could so easily be swept back into the shadows. The cycle of denial and shame is what took me to the brink in the first place. Of course I wish I had no scars, but I do. Hating them will not serve me. What choice have I, if I want to live a healthy life, but to love my scars and therefor love myself?

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs223.snc3/21035_1348409992012_1284188954_977113_7352476_n.jp g

[HoneyedChrysanthemum]

like most who have posted on this thread, i have struggled w/depression for most of my life, starting as a youngster. the first of my strokes didn't help, as it affected the part of the brain dealing w/emotions. now, in addition to situational depression, i have to deal w/intense depression that comes seemingly from nowhere and departs as mysteriously as it came.when younger, i was a cutter. that helped where no drugs and no psychotherapy did. i started almost by accident after finding out that ascratch on marm made me feel not better but in less psychic pain. from that i progressed to knives and finally to a razor blade. then cutting became dangerous, as i gradually lost my inner "stop" instinct. the cuts on my arms became deeper and more suicidal. i truly did not care whether i lived through them. one day,for no reason i can discern, i simply stopped cutting. the periods of depression still came and went, as intense as ever. no drugs touched them, nor did talk therapy. i looked back on cutting with an ache like that of missing a lost love. it WORKED in a way that nothing else did. still i did no cut, nor do i now. lately, however, in my darker days, cutting has regained its viability. i still do not do it, but it has become a possibility again. will i someday pick up mu razor blade again? i don't know but i could. i could.
pres :moonstars:

[Ms. Meander]

like most who have posted on this thread, i have struggled w/depression for most of my life, starting as a youngster. the first of my strokes didn't help, as it affected the part of the brain dealing w/emotions. now, in addition to situational depression, i have to deal w/intense depression that comes seemingly from nowhere and departs as mysteriously as it came.when younger, i was a cutter. that helped where no drugs and no psychotherapy did. i started almost by accident after finding out that ascratch on marm made me feel not better but in less psychic pain. from that i progressed to knives and finally to a razor blade. then cutting became dangerous, as i gradually lost my inner "stop" instinct. the cuts on my arms became deeper and more suicidal. i truly did not care whether i lived through them. one day,for no reason i can discern, i simply stopped cutting. the periods of depression still came and went, as intense as ever. no drugs touched them, nor did talk therapy. i looked back on cutting with an ache like that of missing a lost love. it WORKED in a way that nothing else did. still i did no cut, nor do i now. lately, however, in my darker days, cutting has regained its viability. i still do not do it, but it has become a possibility again. will i someday pick up mu razor blade again? i don't know but i could. i could.
pres :moonstars:


Pres - Thank you for sharing so bravely. The first thing I would like to recommend is a good therapist, if you don't already have one. I know it may sometimes feel as if it does no good but I believe it does. I was in therapy for years, feeling like I was making no progress but the growth was so subtle that I could not see it at the time. Eventually, all my efforts accumulated and caught up with me, making the change joyfully evident. Plus, you just need to have someone neutral to talk to. And talk honestly!

I would also recommend a specific type of therapy to look into or ask your therapist about: DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). It is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy that helps you literally re-train your brain and emotions to have healthy responses to stress and trauma. It's a lot of work but well worth it.

In the meantime, if you are feeling the urge to self-injure: set yourself up with alternatives in advance. Think of some safe things you can do to release instead of cutting. For a time, I regularly beat the shit out of a pile of cinder blocks in my back yard with a tree branch (I had to keep replacing the tree branch)! Make a list and write it down - so when your are in that head space you don't have to do anything but remember you have a list with options.

Above all, be kind and gentle with yourself - you deserve it. I wish you healing and comfort.

~ Ms. Meander

[Andrew, Jr.]

I suffer from clinical depression since childhood. It is because when I was younger I realized I didn't have male body parts, and was female bodied. It tormented me. Plus add on the stress of having a very abusive, disfunctional family.

I had a younger brother who took his own life at 15 yo. My Grandparents and mother (mainly) have depression. Now I can sit back and observe my adult nieces and nephews. I see who is struggling with this disease, and some have come to us to talk about it. So there is a genetic or family history to this disease. I also have an older sister who is schizophrenic, and bi-polar. Thank God I am not bi-polar. I have lived with her and her mental illnesses growing up, and saw what it did to her. :| Beyond eye opening.

What I will never understand is the society put downs on those of us who take meds for depression. It is like being diabetic. Would you deny a diabetic insulen? No. So why deny a depressed person an anti-depressant? And why the negativity? I just am not understanding this what so ever.

Now I struggle with situational depression. I have OCD, ADHD, and a host of other neurological disorders from a head injury I sustained as an infant when I was dropped on my head by my older brother.

I wish more research was done on depression. It is a horrible disease. I would not wish this on a soul.

[Apocalipstic]

Anything that draws attention to depression is a great thing. So many of us suffer from it and its os great to see all the suppport here. Yes, a couple of people don't like it, but depression is like that isn't it?

[Andrew, Jr.]

I wish others would post about their experiences and feelings with depression. I heard on TV that it is the leading cause in the US of the use of anti-depressants and anxiety medicines. :candle:

[Starbuck]

I too have been diagnosed with major depression and post traumatic stress disorder. I have a long history of cutting my wrists as well, not to kill myself, but to feel something other than the anger in my soul. I've used razor blades 6 times to cut myself to the point that I've needed stitches to sew my gaping wounds back together. I didn't just scratch myself like some people like to do. I wanted to see blood rolling down my hand. My anger would block out the physical pain and I knew that when I saw the blood dripping, that's when I could stop. I'm not writing this to bullshit anyone, or to gross anyone out, this is my story of depression and PTSD.

My left wrist is just down right ugly. I had a large area of skin that almost died because it lost blood supply. Luckily the stitches closed it up well enough. My right wrist looks a bit better with only two parallel lines from one side of my wrist all the way across to the other side of
my wrist each...I did those on the same night. I was very angry that night. I'm left with permanent reminders of what I've done to myself and I wear bracelets to try and hide my scars.

You see, I didn't know how to express my emotions other than to hurt myself.
That is, until I went to a residential 6 week women's program for PTSD and depression. Therapists there used DBT, ACT, individual therapy, group therapy, and other methods to help me learn how to deal with my problems. Now I'm
not saying they're gone, but they are way better managed!

I still deal with situational depression and urges to cut, but my therapist reminds me that just
as the urge to cut comes in like a wave, it will flow out like a wave...and that helps me. I'm proud to say that this February will mark a two year anniversary since I last cut. My therapist and I have a "toolbox" or a plan of action to take to distract me when I have these urges to cut or when a depression come on. Usually all I need is someone to remind me what is "in my toolbox"; that way I don't have to think when I'm depressed...you can't think when you're like that!

Most everything in my toolbox is a right-brained activity. Something that requires you to be creative. I like to paint or do puzzles, word games like sudoku, etc. Those are perfect. I find that once I get started on one of those, my mind is fully enveloped in that activity and I forget what I was upset about.

I hope I haven't bored anyone with this story or triggered anyone, I did leave a warning up top :) In my mind, there is nothing wrong or bad seeing a therapist when you need to and there certainly isn't anything wrong with taking an antidepressant! Depression is as real a disease as heart disease or
diabetes. I go to the Veterans Hospital for my care, as I am a Veteran, and I love their mental health slogan: "It takes the strength of a soldier to ask for help".