Married/Partnered Planeteers - Combining Your Life

[Medusa]

So I'm organizing the house today and was thinking about how Jack and I combined our lifestyles when we moved in together and was curious how it worked for other folks.

If you live with your partner, let's talk about the process of combining "stuff", decorating together (or separately), what worked for you and what didn't, etc.
If one of you is more messy than the other, how do you deal?
Were your routines similar or did you have to come up with a new routine together?
Did one of you have a collection that was the bane of the other person's existence?

Talk to me, baby!

[Lynn]

We officially combined households almost four years ago. I bought and moved into a small house and then, a few months later, my partner moved in.

We are still figuring out how to work with our stuff. Her's, mine, and our's. We've gotten rid of so much, and yet the basement and garage are still full of things we are having trouble parting with. Boxes of things we might use or need.... Things we can hardly remember we even have, but we *need* them.

Our styles are pretty complementary. We both tend toward casual and lived-in. I've always wanted to have my home feel like a vacation house, and that meshes well with Candy's rustic, Adirondack cabin style. I have granted myself the last word on most decorating choices, though, and recently drew the line at putting the bobble head doll of the local news anchorman on the mantle. Sadly, though, he now lives in the entertainment center. We got him when we contributed to an animal rescue foundation, so he apparently must stay.

The most challenging thing about moving in and getting rid of stuff has been the awareness that it makes the possible task of untangling our lives much more daunting. Not that we want to do that, but I am acutely aware that this can happen, and the separating of stuff is as traumatic as the separating of people--it's kind of the metaphor.

[blush]

Poor Goof got hosed with a femme, a child, 2 guinea pigs, and 2 cats.

My favorite quote is when he announced, while staring in horror at the skirts, "I grossly underestimated the amount of skirt hangers we would need."

Our tastes and lifestyle are shocking similar. He just finished a gorgeous loft bed for Fuz, which promptly got painted bubblegum pink. Other than that, we like similar colors and styles.

[Gemme]

So I'm organizing the house today and was thinking about how Jack and I combined our lifestyles when we moved in together and was curious how it worked for other folks.

If you live with your partner, let's talk about the process of combining "stuff", decorating together (or separately), what worked for you and what didn't, etc.
If one of you is more messy than the other, how do you deal?
Were your routines similar or did you have to come up with a new routine together?
Did one of you have a collection that was the bane of the other person's existence?

Talk to me, baby!

In theory, I won the partner lottery. Ebon is extremely laid back and will go with just about any flow.

Notice I said in theory. We do have very different styles, in just about every area. I'm more matchy matchy and neat and tidy and he's more it's there and it's good. He's less concerned with house chores than I am. I'm anal retentive about...everything. I have tons 'o stuff (I'm a sentimentalist.) and he is more minimalist. I'm very...particular....about things in general and he's still got some fratboy in him. As laid back as he is, I'm wound just that tight. Most of the time, we balance out pretty well. Sometimes, we don't.

When I moved in with him I tried to not mess with his stuff too much as it was a lovely butch cave, but it just became a THING with me. For example, his dishes were displayed on a short bookcase and his kitchen cabinets were, literally, empty. That ate at me until I finally said I had to do something about it. He gave me the go ahead to do whatever I needed to do to feel comfortable.

:blink:

A few days later, after pulling out every box in the apartment and repacking and reorganizing things....both his and mine....washing all the dishes and putting them into the cabinets and putting general STUFF on the bookcase (as nature intended it to be)....beginning the slow blend of his and mine into 'his and mine and ours' because some things are just inherently non-blendable....rearranging his furniture a few times....and so on....I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. It's far from perfect but it's fine for now.

Both of us are really excited to be moving into a new place that will be ours, chosen by both of us and, hopefully, have enough room so that we can have common areas as well as our own 'space' to reenergize. Two solitary (aka privacy and personal space loving) people living in a 300 sq ft apartment is not an easy achievement, but I think we're doing pretty damn good thus far.

[nycfem]

When BB first moved in with me, I was living in a one-bedroom rent-stabilized 4th floor walk-up in a quirky building (to put it nicely) in NYC with 2 cats. BB was living in a large condo in Boston, with a cat and part-time with a teenage son, Jacob. About a year into our relationship BB was headhunted, and we decided to grab the opportunity sooner than we'd planned because the job (in LGBT philanthropy with a much admired lesbian feminist boss) was just too perfect and too available to pass up. We already knew we were on the "forever" track so it made sense in that way too.
I think the hardest part of moving in for BB was that the apartment was so much my style, and I think it's hard for the one moving in, even if given space, to really make it a true 50/50 reflection of both people. Also, BB is so normal, and I am so not! I was sleeping using old curtains as bedding; I had hooks on the walls for my clothes and was using the closets for craft supplies; and BB opened a cupboard hoping for storage space and a realistic, life-size rubber arm that I'd found too incredible looking to pass up years ago tumbled out. I was and am the more eccentric one! The biggest change I think BB made was to normalize the environment a bit.
BB also had to adjust to living without space, and I, with less space. We had a tiny kitchen, and the living room was turned into Jacob's bedroom, which was great because it had a door. However, it meant we literally had nowhere to eat meals, so we'd eat in bed. Have you ever spilled hot and sour soup in bed? It's not a pretty sight!
Sleep was another big issue that we had. I am an insomniac, and BB falls asleep easily. We both snore, but BB is a heavy sleeper, so my snoring doesn't bother him; however, I'm a light sleeper (when I finally fall asleep), and BB's snoring would wake me. I'm also an anxious type, and in order to fall asleep I need to be listening to something that distracts me from my thoughts. When BB first arrived, I was listening to loud stand up comedy on headphones (think: Sam Kinison), and I'd literally be giggling, which BB found annoying as hy was going to sleep. I thus switched over to rap music which BB sometimes had to ask me to turn down, and finally I've settled on true crime books on CD. I wear ear plugs and noise reduction headphones, and thankfully it's worked out!
The building we lived in was very strange to begin with but then the synagogue in the basement began doing construction, and our building was literally shaking on it's foundation. Water was pouring through the ceilings; we'd wake up to new cracks and chunks of wall falling out; and once the door frame shifted overnight, and I had to call the police to let me out of my own apartment. Our horror of a residence even made the NY Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/09/nyregion/thecity/09shte.html . BB wanted to move, but I was insistent that DAMN IT, IT'S RENT STABILIZED- WE CAN'T MOVE! It took BB breaking down in tears and telling me I could stay here if I wanted but hy was moving out to get me to admit that maybe it was time to go! We found a great 2nd floor smaller co-op apartment a block away, and so I put the cats into my bubble coat, and we walked on over and moved in! Of course, BB was right. We have a daunting thirty-year-mortgage but we also have somewhere in which water doesn't shower down onto our bed as we sleep.
This apartment was also better for us because it feels much more like our style instead of just mine. We started out with some issues but were able to work most of them out. For instance, I have an extensive collection of Bratz dolls (similar to Barbies but with more ethnic variance and more of a bad girl image- Bratz girls have been around the block). When we moved in, while BB was sleeping, I set up my Bratz dolls sitting everywhere: on bookshelves, counters, window sills, etc. BB woke up and was immediately horrified! Hys word came down, "This is creepy! I cannot live with the dolls looking at me from every direction!" We settled on a built in bookshelf being their one hang-out, and BB's pottery went into the other built in bookshelf.
Similarly there was the issue of my arts and crafts supplies. BB said that hy didn't want hooks with scissors and tape hanging off the wall in random places like in the old apartment. With our limited space, we designated one corner of the living room/ "Jacob's bedroom" as my "office" with my desk and hooks galore, and the opposite corner is BB's "office." Basically my side looks like the habitat of a kindergartner with ADD, and BB's corner is that of a dignified older Jewish man (Did I mention BB's menorah collection?). There is a stark contrast, but it works for us. Luckily Jacob is off at art school himself, so he doesn't have to be in the middle of this too often.
BB and I also have a lot of different kinds of friends and interests. My friends tend to be... more colorful. BB likes pleasantly entertaining movies, and I like depressing documentaries. We find some common ground, but we also are both very cool with doing things on our own. What's nice about living together is that we are always at home together at the end of the day. I make dinner for us every night, and BB kindly lets me know if I've made something edible (I like very spicy vegetarian, and BB likes mild varied types of food.). Then we go on our computers and chat back and forth from our corners. My favorite part is ending the evenings cuddling and laughing together in bed.
It's funny how after nearly six years together we still have issues come up. BB had a sudden breakdown recently about how the kitchen is disorganized: "I can't find anything!" It had never even crossed my mind that a kitchen could be organized or that there'd be any benefit to it. I never separated silverware and stored all the foods and even plates and cups randomly. Well, I had to bite the bullet and organize so that BB didn't do it, as I realized I wanted to retain more control of the kitchen. In doing so I began to understand why people do organize kitchens. For instance, I was able to see that we had a ridiculous number of bottles of ketchup (which I hadn't been able to see before because they'd been spread out), and wasn't it quicker to not be reaching behind chips to see if there happened to be a glass. I am grateful for BB in so many ways! :)

[Goofy]

I didn't get *hosed* with anything. What I did gain was an amazing woman I'm madly in love with, an awesome child, 2 hella cute guinea pigs and 2 great cats that make me sneeze to add to the 2 small moose that take up more room in the house than they should. lol

More often than not, when one of us finds something for the house, one will say "I love that" and the other will say "OMG, me too!" The pictures on the walls are a blend of hers, mine and ours, as is the furniture that inhabits most rooms.

I have learned though, that one can never have too many skirt hangers. I'm a lucky guy.

[lionpaw]

It wasn't a major adjustment for us...We were fortunate in that Lisa & I have similar tastes in furnishings and decor....I think the biggest challenge we faced was finding a city that met both our needs....I need to be by water in some fashion...It's in my blood....In Lisa's case, we had to be a driving distance to her family.....

[MsTinkerbelly]

Kasey and I are very similar when it comes to decorating styles; less is more, and it has to be warm and inviting. Kasey LOVES to entertain our friends and family and I go along with it because I love her; I'm not very social except with a few close friends.

If we buy something new for the walls, we usually consult each other, and if we really HATE something the other likes we put it in our own "space". Mine is the kitchen and all my "gadgets", and hers is her office (she works from home) where her current system of filing papers includes piles all over her floor.

When we both worked away from home we shared the chores, but now that she is home she takes care of all the laundry, and some of the things I detest. I do all the food and household shopping as she really dislikes grocery stores.

We have our own bank accounts, but we have a common one for bills and such...I will never be in a place where I have to ask how to spend every penny I earn, and she is okay with that. We don't spend all we earn, and therefore never have money disagreements...lucky I guess.

We have been together 8 years and it works for us.

[cinderella]

I love reading all these stories. I esp got a kick out of yours, Jen...but why do images of 'Annie Hall' come to mind? lol

p.s. So happy to know you guys are still together and doing well. Many blessings...

When BB first moved in with me, I was living in a one-bedroom rent-stabilized 4th floor walk-up in a quirky building (to put it nicely) in NYC with 2 cats. BB was living in a large condo in Boston, with a cat and part-time with a teenage son, Jacob. About a year into our relationship BB was headhunted, and we decided to grab the opportunity sooner than we'd planned because the job (in LGBT philanthropy with a much admired lesbian feminist boss) was just too perfect and too available to pass up. We already knew we were on the "forever" track so it made sense in that way too.
I think the hardest part of moving in for BB was that the apartment was so much my style, and I think it's hard for the one moving in, even if given space, to really make it a true 50/50 reflection of both people. Also, BB is so normal, and I am so not! I was sleeping using old curtains as bedding; I had hooks on the walls for my clothes and was using the closets for craft supplies; and BB opened a cupboard hoping for storage space and a realistic, life-size rubber arm that I'd found too incredible looking to pass up years ago tumbled out. I was and am the more eccentric one! The biggest change I think BB made was to normalize the environment a bit.
BB also had to adjust to living without space, and I, with less space. We had a tiny kitchen, and the living room was turned into Jacob's bedroom, which was great because it had a door. However, it meant we literally had nowhere to eat meals, so we'd eat in bed. Have you ever spilled hot and sour soup in bed? It's not a pretty sight!
Sleep was another big issue that we had. I am an insomniac, and BB falls asleep easily. We both snore, but BB is a heavy sleeper, so my snoring doesn't bother him; however, I'm a light sleeper (when I finally fall asleep), and BB's snoring would wake me. I'm also an anxious type, and in order to fall asleep I need to be listening to something that distracts me from my thoughts. When BB first arrived, I was listening to loud stand up comedy on headphones (think: Sam Kinison), and I'd literally be giggling, which BB found annoying as hy was going to sleep. I thus switched over to rap music which BB sometimes had to ask me to turn down, and finally I've settled on true crime books on CD. I wear ear plugs and noise reduction headphones, and thankfully it's worked out!
The building we lived in was very strange to begin with but then the synagogue in the basement began doing construction, and our building was literally shaking on it's foundation. Water was pouring through the ceilings; we'd wake up to new cracks and chunks of wall falling out; and once the door frame shifted overnight, and I had to call the police to let me out of my own apartment. Our horror of a residence even made the NY Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/09/nyregion/thecity/09shte.html . BB wanted to move, but I was insistent that DAMN IT, IT'S RENT STABILIZED- WE CAN'T MOVE! It took BB breaking down in tears and telling me I could stay here if I wanted but hy was moving out to get me to admit that maybe it was time to go! We found a great 2nd floor smaller co-op apartment a block away, and so I put the cats into my bubble coat, and we walked on over and moved in! Of course, BB was right. We have a daunting thirty-year-mortgage but we also have somewhere in which water doesn't shower down onto our bed as we sleep.
This apartment was also better for us because it feels much more like our style instead of just mine. We started out with some issues but were able to work most of them out. For instance, I have an extensive collection of Bratz dolls (similar to Barbies but with more ethnic variance and more of a bad girl image- Bratz girls have been around the block). When we moved in, while BB was sleeping, I set up my Bratz dolls sitting everywhere: on bookshelves, counters, window sills, etc. BB woke up and was immediately horrified! Hys word came down, "This is creepy! I cannot live with the dolls looking at me from every direction!" We settled on a built in bookshelf being their one hang-out, and BB's pottery went into the other built in bookshelf.
Similarly there was the issue of my arts and crafts supplies. BB said that hy didn't want hooks with scissors and tape hanging off the wall in random places like in the old apartment. With our limited space, we designated one corner of the living room/ "Jacob's bedroom" as my "office" with my desk and hooks galore, and the opposite corner is BB's "office." Basically my side looks like the habitat of a kindergartner with ADD, and BB's corner is that of a dignified older Jewish man (Did I mention BB's menorah collection?). There is a stark contrast, but it works for us. Luckily Jacob is off at art school himself, so he doesn't have to be in the middle of this too often.
BB and I also have a lot of different kinds of friends and interests. My friends tend to be... more colorful. BB likes pleasantly entertaining movies, and I like depressing documentaries. We find some common ground, but we also are both very cool with doing things on our own. What's nice about living together is that we are always at home together at the end of the day. I make dinner for us every night, and BB kindly lets me know if I've made something edible (I like very spicy vegetarian, and BB likes mild varied types of food.). Then we go on our computers and chat back and forth from our corners. My favorite part is ending the evenings cuddling and laughing together in bed.
It's funny how after nearly six years together we still have issues come up. BB had a sudden breakdown recently about how the kitchen is disorganized: "I can't find anything!" It had never even crossed my mind that a kitchen could be organized or that there'd be any benefit to it. I never separated silverware and stored all the foods and even plates and cups randomly. Well, I had to bite the bullet and organize so that BB didn't do it, as I realized I wanted to retain more control of the kitchen. In doing so I began to understand why people do organize kitchens. For instance, I was able to see that we had a ridiculous number of bottles of ketchup (which I hadn't been able to see before because they'd been spread out), and wasn't it quicker to not be reaching behind chips to see if there happened to be a glass. I am grateful for BB in so many ways! :)

[Sweet_Amor_Taino]

I am the type of guy that if I like something I buy it and hang it up where I think will look nice. I have Frida Kahlos art, Diego Rivera,s art, and Digital art by different artist. My furniture is from Pier One and Ikea. I do Not worry much if it matches just that I like it.

On the other hand Most to the ladies I have shared space with are the type that everything has to match and be place in the right place. I let them do their womanly thing and have the house the way they like it. I have even put things in storage to open space for their things and make it more comfortable and ascetically pleasing for their liking.

Let peace and love Role the house :rrose:

[citybutch]

My wife has the inside of the house and I have the outside... I already have the pool/spa/patio/outdoor kitchen plans...

We DO consult with each other, though... I have a design for a new fireplace, for example...

We are a team effort with individual strengths...

As far as neatness, it all depends on the area of the house you are talking about. I am completely anal about the kitchen... no crumbs, hair, spatter, plugged in electronics... etc... She is far more anal about the laundry. I do most of the vacuuming and dusting (that hair thing again)... she scrubs the floors and the bathrooms..

Once again... team effort with individual strengths...

:)

[suebee]

We have decided that in order to live in the same home we need a duplex with an adjoining living room.

[lionpaw]

My wife and I have been looking for a house for sometime, but we're looking for something that gives us enough both room for our own down time. I'm a type A personality while my wife likes to chill alot. It took me a long time to learn how to relax and smell the roses.

[citybutch]

I've seen that too... but I couldn't do it... I would miss her too much. We are both so busy that much of the time we are passing each other in the doorway. This week we agreed we would have OUR time after she works on Sunday....

I've seen quite a few long-term relationships where each person had their own house. I like co-habitating, but I also need a lot of down time/quiet time, especially in the evenings. I am more social in the morning and afternoons.

I can't be with someone who is all up in my business all the time, it makes me cranky. Kind of like putting stuff on a bookshelf all willy-nilly does (tie in to the thread). Things should have some order and look pretty.

And yeah, I really am fussy like this, and then some.

[NJFemmie]

We have been living together for about five years now, and there have been no major adjustments here. We fortunately have the same taste and style and thankfully have not experienced any type of clash. We don't have the "yours versus mine" mentality - everything is Hers, even if it's mine - cats included. (LOL) ;)

[Random]

I lucked out big time..

Mitmo is so very laid back, a minimalist and very much a blank canvase when it comes to decorating... "I like this one book case, and my books, I don't care if you get rid of everything else~"

I am not..

I'm reminded of Maureen OHara in The Quiet Man...*I need my things about me...*

While I did cull an amazing amount before I moved into her two bedroom apt, I still came with an amazing amount of junk..

I come with things like steamer trunks, camel back trunks, a hoosier, an over stuffed flowered chair in a half, computer tables, crafting tables, drafting tables.. odd sized tables (I like tables) turkish rug, mirrors, crocks, old jugs, old bottles, endless chotchi that caught my eye, and enough crafting supplies to set up a small craft store...

Mitmo favors stream line shapes/modern... I like french provential...
She likes wood, I like wood painted white with flowers all over it...
I like fussy with pillows and tassles.. She likes plain and keeps stacking the pillows on the back of the sofa.. (no stacking... no stacking... cascade!!!)

So we compromise...

I'm introducing her to the joys of junking and of vintage furniture... We are going more twards mission or shaker than fp.... I am not looking at any sofas covered in tea roses..

We are going more twards jewel tones than earth tones..

I'm not over cluttering the walls with tiny pictures of random stuff, but instead we are moving twards paintings and art that speaks to both of us.. Local artists or friends or.. or... me.. (quiver)

She trust me to make a home that is comfortable and attractive to both of us...

Lucky me...

[NJFemmie]

I am more of the minimalist and Mare is a bit more of the pack rat. Come to think of it - that did take a bit getting used to, because I am more likely to throw things out (or give them away) if I haven't used them in a while. But on the other hand -- if there is something I need - Mare more than likely owns it, lol. I'm more laid back and keep my OCD tendencies in check, and it hasn't created any problems. When I do get frustrated and can't find something - my OCD kicks in and I'll just reorganize and She doesn't mind that at all.

[Gemme]

I lucked out big time..

Mitmo is so very laid back, a minimalist and very much a blank canvase when it comes to decorating... "I like this one book case, and my books, I don't care if you get rid of everything else~"

I am not..

I'm reminded of Maureen OHara in The Quiet Man...*I need my things about me...*

While I did cull an amazing amount before I moved into her two bedroom apt, I still came with an amazing amount of junk..

I come with things like steamer trunks, camel back trunks, a hoosier, an over stuffed flowered chair in a half, computer tables, crafting tables, drafting tables.. odd sized tables (I like tables) turkish rug, mirrors, crocks, old jugs, old bottles, endless chotchi that caught my eye, and enough crafting supplies to set up a small craft store...

Mitmo favors stream line shapes/modern... I like french provential...
She likes wood, I like wood painted white with flowers all over it...
I like fussy with pillows and tassles.. She likes plain and keeps stacking the pillows on the back of the sofa.. (no stacking... no stacking... cascade!!!)

So we compromise...

I'm introducing her to the joys of junking and of vintage furniture... We are going more twards mission or shaker than fp.... I am not looking at any sofas covered in tea roses..

We are going more twards jewel tones than earth tones..

I'm not over cluttering the walls with tiny pictures of random stuff, but instead we are moving twards paintings and art that speaks to both of us.. Local artists or friends or.. or... me.. (quiver)

She trust me to make a home that is comfortable and attractive to both of us...

Lucky me...

I love Mission style furniture! It's the best of both worlds...sleek and impressive and stylish all wrapped up in one tidy bundle.

Have more faith in yourself. Your work is lovely.

[Kaison]

This is a really interesting thread as I'm not sure how me and the missus are going to ever live together.

I'm a minimalist and like everything really tidy and in order, she is a hoarder and messy and disorganised.

Any advice? :deepthoughts:

[DamonK]

I moved in with MBE. I have stuff, but not really a TON of stuff.

Our styles are similar. Due to not having enough space, stuff is kinda everywhere. We are slowly working on that.

We have two spare rooms. One will serve as a playroom/office/guest room. The other will be the scrapbooking room. MBE likes to scrapbook. So, that room will have that, and I will organize my art supplies somewhere. It's possible I have a couple plastic 5 drawer tubs, or something like that in the living room to put my projects in. I don't like having them EVERYWHERE, but I also don't like having to go hunt for them.

When we add to our family, it's likely that the scrapbooking stuff will move to our bedroom. I'm hoping to put in cabinets with doors for storage. Lots of them.

We are just recently beginning to seriously talk about how to renovate the house. Within the next year or so, we want to move, but we also know work needs to be done before we can consider selling the house.

[Gemme]

This is a really interesting thread as I'm not sure how me and the missus are going to ever live together.

I'm a minimalist and like everything really tidy and in order, she is a hoarder and messy and disorganised.

Any advice? :deepthoughts:

Lots of multi-purpose furniture. Buffets, dressers, bookshelves, china cabinets.

June has good ideas here. Also, if space allows, give her one room to put whatever she wants in it however she wants it. Mesh the rest of your stuff (kitchen utensils, books, clothes in the closets, etc) however you see fit, but give her that space.

And. Don't. Go. In. There.

It would drive you bonkers. BUT if you've meshed your stuff and she has a room of all her stuff and she still has more stuff, that's the line. She needs to pick and choose and get rid of whatever won't fit.

This is coming from someone who keeps a LOT of stuff, btw. Sometimes you just have to let go.

[Medusa]

Our life together looks very different today than it did 5 years ago. :)

5 years ago, Jack and I were just moving in together and each of us had a lot of "stuff". I had tons of books and clothes, random kitchenware, and lots of random decorative stuff. She had lots of "mantiques" and odd pieces of furniture (some of it hideous, some of it awesome).

As we moved in and started unpacking the crates together, it became clear to both of us that we had similar tastes but that we had way too much of everything. I think for the first year, we purged a little but mostly kept 80% of the stuff we had each brought with us.

Now, I look up and see a house that is filled with things that we have picked out together. Really the only pieces of furniture that we have in this entire house that we have not acquired together are the couch and loveseat and a vintage chaise from the 60s. Every single other piece of furniture in this house was purchased or found by both of us, from the mattresses on the beds to the barstools. I kinda love that. It looks like "us" in here and not "Jackhammer over there and Medusa over here".

We still have lots of decorative things that we each brought in to the relationship and have displayed our favorite pieces in the library. Slowly over the years we have cleared out the things that we only kinda loved in favor of keeping the things we really loved. It works for us!

[jelli]

So I'm organizing the house today and was thinking about how Jack and I combined our lifestyles when we moved in together and was curious how it worked for other folks.

If you live with your partner, let's talk about the process of combining "stuff", decorating together (or separately), what worked for you and what didn't, etc.
If one of you is more messy than the other, how do you deal?
Were your routines similar or did you have to come up with a new routine together?
Did one of you have a collection that was the bane of the other person's existence?

Talk to me, baby!

Great thread. I will be back sometime to post our path to meshness.

[Bard]

Ok this is kind of timely for me as Desd moved in to my bachelor pad almost a year ago. before she make this pad a home it was just me and my daughter (we have her part time) I can be a pack rat and my desk tends to get covered with paperwork(getting better with that) I have a lot of baseball hats and cowboy hats and there were saddles bridles and such kind of randomly stored. Desd came with stuff not a whole lot and we just kind blended she is much more organized then I am and that is a good thing. over the past year we have made this a home new bed that we both loved new couch and BOOKCASES we both love books and if we could we would have a floor to ceiling book case but that will be in time when we have a house (someday) She suggested putting hooks up for all the hats and she really has a eye for things like the putting up curtains in the doorways I got lucky we just fit and we talk about everything so the home is a blend of us both .. the best is that we have added pictures of us on my wall of back and white pictures now I just need to get a black and white one of her as a baby to add to it

[PumaJ]

My boifriend & I are still busy making what has been my space for the past 8 years, into our space. Hy has sort of taken over the guest room as hys TV room, now calling it the "bro room" because hy & my Butch cat hang out in there together to watch TV. We femmes, meaning me, my other cat & the dog are invited to visit the "bro space" any time, LOL. I'm not much of a TV watcher so my visits are short. Today, we finally purchased a new bed, hooray! Making the move from my old Queen size to a new King size. Now there will be room for me & hym, my two cats, & hys dog. The family:-)

Last week we took the big step of registering our Domestic Partnership with the state via the county registrar's office. Very quiet, no ceremony, no party. It was just something we wanted to do without any fuss. Funny though that we still refer to each other as boifriend & girlfriend…

we are slowly settling in to domestic bliss.

[Medusa]

Still in the process of "nesting" in the home we have been in for 2 years.

We purchased this home together in July of 2009 and have redecorated 3 bedrooms, the hallway, a bathroom, and the greatroom. We still have to do the master bathroom, laundry room, library, and kitchen area. Lately we've been doing lots of painting and laying new floors.

We mostly have the same love of color but I have had to convince Jackhammer that red and aubergine are not scary :)

I'd love to hear how other couple have incorported color into their homes. Anyone encounter a partner who HATED a color that was a favorite of yours? Or do you mostly agree on neutrals and go from there?

I have to admit, Jackhammer has been pretty easygoing and just kinda let me run wild in the house. That has resulted in color on every wall and a house that feels very warm! LOVE THAT!

[Dean Thoreau]

Well we are on our fourth home in our 35th year of our on again we were off for a bit relationship....
Now that all of our kids are over 19 we decided to sell the big huge cardboard box and go for smaller...so we downsized to 5 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.. ( I should have held out for 3 bathrooms)

In our downsizing to a smaller cardboard box,,,we tossed (actually let the kids take everything cept the dining room) and started again from scratch....We decided we deserved it since for 27 years its been all about the kids..and kid friendly.

Well it is over a year and....we are still decorating..and all that stuff and things have changed....

Originally the plan was a seafoam with black piping sofa and chair...accompanied by this vast collection of oriental black lacquer carved end tables coffee tables,,,etc etc...in the living room to: OMG we have grandkids we r watching all the time.....it changed to:
leather sofa, love seat and chair......still no coffee table or end table cause we can not agree on what we want, nad what we like just is not feasible with two grandkids playing in the living room......but we did agree on a new yamaha clarinova piano for that room.....

we bought beds..for all the bedrooms but not the furniture stuff except for lissy's room cause we still havent found what we are looking for.
in my case the antique burl mahogany I want....in Jen's case the shiney modern but oh gee that looks nice...i cant make up my mind.....
Luckily,
colors of the walls are all agreed and done....thos someone thought the shade of yellow in the Dining room was ugly,,,,she came around when i hung the drapes and found just the perfect wall hangings..

We both like color..

my bedroom is pumpkin a little more pumpkin than planned...with white trim...and with7 windows in the room a large double closet door and a door the walls are well broken up...so it is not overwhelming...but..finding drapes and bedding stuff that is not all fru fru that goes with this color....has not been easy..

jen's bedroom is a rose pinkish color with hardwood and tiled rose floor.....with 4 windows nice and bright and airy....a lot like her....we found a wonderful chair on sale at laZboy that is sort of reddish pinkish that goes perfectly in her room..now if she will just decide on the actual BR furniture...

lissy's bedroom is a ripe avacado with an antique green stained wodden poster bed...white trim and bright 70's style curtains and all her furniture is white ...it sounds like...but it is beautiful...and perfect for a 19 year old. as she says especially the giant flat screen on her wall....

the lounge was wedgewood blue and white...but with all the oriental furniture in there....it needs to be changed....ro something that goes with seafoam....in all probability a light muted steel

living room is 3 colors,,,white trim the fireplace wall is a muted blechy cream/tan but not quite...and the large wall is a sort of pomegranate
with the fireplace being off white antique whatever... and the marble surrounding it and then the deep hardwood flooring....this was not an easy room to contemplate....but luckily there is only one full wall not broken up by windows or doors....

And since prior to obtaining this home we did agree that,,red would be in it somewhere....jen loves red..pomegranate was a great....color we could agree on....(I dont like red)

This is the first house where we really had to be concerned about window treatments/blinds etc......and the only thing we agree on is we both do not like window blinds etc...but out of necessity (we live in town on a busy street now) we have submitted to drapes and treatments and other icky stuff as opposed to hanging large stain glass and calling it a curtain :)
Luckily our 2nd floor has lots of windows for the stain glass and the third floor...has a wonderful landing area for some crazy art work and my definition of window dressinga....stain glass....and sheers tho all the BR windows had to get window treatments and drapes and crap...

I guess some of it has to do with our knowing each other for sooooooooooooooo long and the fact that we have lived under the dame roof for the majority of the past 35 years... ...we know each others tastes ..and bluntly we have very different style and taste...but there is enough common ground on color...and wackiness.that a room all comes together.with the colors, styles and interesting piece of...that goes with nothing but damn it looks good there...

dean

[girl_dee]

I settled in here last year and was given my own room and the kitchen...

I am such a LUCKY girl... :awww:

[Julie]

One day Dreamer and I will live together.
Whether it be this house I am currently living or another one we move in together.

Dreamer will have NO say in how we decorate or the colors we use.
It has been established.
Right honey?!?

Though if Dreamer wants to decorate the garage or shed... That is fine. I am really okay with this.

As far as red's go -- LOVE LOVE LOVE red's. Though, I lean more toward the colors of South America and of course Mexico.

Dreamer will be happy.
I have stated.

[Dreamer]

One day Dreamer and I will live together.
Whether it be this house I am currently living or another one we move in together.

Dreamer will have NO say in how we decorate or the colors we use.
It has been established.
Right honey?!?

Though if Dreamer wants to decorate the garage or shed... That is fine. I am really okay with this.

As far as red's go -- LOVE LOVE LOVE red's. Though, I lean more toward the colors of South America and of course Mexico.

Dreamer will be happy.
I have stated.

Okay this made me laugh, from the tone Julie used to state what she stated, I will however say that she is right. I am more than happy for Julie to decorate and to choose the color schemes not because I do not have any input but because she has amazing taste.
As for being happy with her choices, of course I will be, because it will mean that we are finally sharing the home that will be ours.
I did just want to say "Yes Dear", but I figured I would reiterate a little as to why lol.

[DapperButch]

I'd love to hear how other couple have incorported color into their homes. Anyone encounter a partner who HATED a color that was a favorite of yours? Or do you mostly agree on neutrals and go from there?



I pretty much told my partner that if she ever moved in here nothing else mattered to me but the colors on the first floor walls.

Problem is, she is not so keen on them (not AT ALL)! :(

[SecretAgentMa'am]

When we first moved in together, neither of us had much in the way of furniture or decorations that we were especially attached to. I'd sold most of my furniture before I moved to Oregon, so we actually didn't have much when we moved into our first apartment together. We got rid of her futon because it was falling apart and kept my bed (which was a full, too small for both of us, but still better than a broken futon). We didn't own a sofa until one of her coworkers gave us one. For close to a year, our only living room furniture was a pair of matching pink recliners that were given to us by someone who just wanted them out of her house.

We finally moved into a house two years ago. We were able to get rid of all our old hand-me-down furniture and buy new. We chose all the furniture together, and we luckily have very similar tastes. We're both fond of clean lines and neither of us likes things are a fussy or frilly. Our landlord also let us pick out paint colors and painted everything before we moved in. The living rooms is all warm, neutral earth tones. The kitchen is pretty much mine, and painted a dark, brick red with white cabinets. We both love purple, so the bedroom walls are lilac with a royal purple accent wall. We both need our own space, so we moved into a 3 bedroom house and we each have our own office that's our own little domain. The paint colors we chose got accidentally switched in the offices, though. We moved in and discovered that my office is painted pale grey (was supposed to be hers) and hers is sage green (which I chose). We didn't want to switch offices, though, and neither of us hates the color we got, so we're not worried about it.

As far as decorating, we compromise. We agree on most things, and deal with our disagreements. Turquoise is one of her favorite colors, but I *hate* it. Therefore, anything turquoise colored goes in her office. There are a few things in the main areas of the house that aren't necessarily to my taste, but she likes them, so they stay. I'm sure I've picked out a few things she doesn't like, too.

[Gemme]

Still in the process of "nesting" in the home we have been in for 2 years.

We purchased this home together in July of 2009 and have redecorated 3 bedrooms, the hallway, a bathroom, and the greatroom. We still have to do the master bathroom, laundry room, library, and kitchen area. Lately we've been doing lots of painting and laying new floors.

We mostly have the same love of color but I have had to convince Jackhammer that red and aubergine are not scary :)

I'd love to hear how other couple have incorported color into their homes. Anyone encounter a partner who HATED a color that was a favorite of yours? Or do you mostly agree on neutrals and go from there?

I have to admit, Jackhammer has been pretty easygoing and just kinda let me run wild in the house. That has resulted in color on every wall and a house that feels very warm! LOVE THAT!

We're renting now, so we haven't gone hog wild with the color. Yet. We did work out a color scheme for the living room around one painting of Ebon's. Though I loathe the Gators, I did it because we could make it work. Gator colors are blue and orange, for those that don't know. So, we have pumpkin with various shades of blue and it's not so bad. The furniture is black, as are all the frames for the artwork. It's kind of sharp.

However, if given the opportunity, I'd wipe the slate clean. Both of us have expressed a desire for more earth tones. Ebon's a hippy and I like pretty and calm colors. Score!

I love color, Ebon likes it, and neither of us is a particularly frilly sort....at least when it comes to decorating. :blink:

I don't anticipate any issues with decorating our house in the future.

[nycfem]

Our apartment was perfectly directed upon moving in. We looked at a LOT of fixer uppers but thank goodness the one that we ended up moving into had a history of style attached, because neither of us know what we are doing in that regard (Well, BB, more than me, but I don't think that's a special talent for either of us.).

The bedroom and various walls within our home are exposed brick (a look I love!). Then parts of the bathroom and bedroom are white. We particularly like the kitchen/living room/dining room/entrance area (all an open area), in which all of the colors are very pretty with a lot of built in storage and built in bookcases (Again, thankfully, at least someone who lived here before us knew what they were doing!). Anyway this, our largest space, is painted in bright yet muted colors of yellow-orange, light blue, and tan.

I admit that I'm so oblivious to these things that I had to get up from my desk and look in other rooms to find out what color the walls were! And we only have a 700 square foot home!

[PumaJ]

Okay, so… I stand corrected.

Ever so patiently, kindly, my boifriend said, "Sweetie… (insert sigh here), it's not the 'bro room'. It's the 'bro pad'! (insert another sigh here;-) ) What am I going to do with you?"

Giggle... Well, of course I did have some suggestions in that area :hk19:




:blueheels:

[DapperButch]

This is a really interesting thread as I'm not sure how me and the missus are going to ever live together.

I'm a minimalist and like everything really tidy and in order, she is a hoarder and messy and disorganised.

Any advice? :deepthoughts:

Remain in separate houses?

<--- A Master at separate houses living

[Queerasfck]

Nesting is fun but I'd be thrown out if I did this to our bedroom. I've still managed to "decorate" here and there with my Steeler paraphernalia.

http://www.bz2-img.com/images_customers/09/52/6393438_56752_full.jpg

[Corkey]

Nesting is fun but I'd be thrown out if I did this to our bedroom. I've still managed to "decorate" here and there with my Steeler paraphernalia.

http://www.bz2-img.com/images_customers/09/52/6393438_56752_full.jpg

Wife said " I'd be living alone" I tend to believe her... :|

[Tawse]

When we first moved in to an apartment together 12 years ago, my general thought was "i don't care" as far as decorating around the house. I know I have no skill what so ever and I also knew from visiting her place, that she had done with her place what I probably would have done with mine - if I'd had the know how. With some slight exceptions.

Then we moved into our house and we had to pick colours to paint the walls. Gillian is very neutral minded where as apparently I like things a little bolder. Mind you I don't like neon colours but I grew up in apartments and surrounded by white walls.. I wanted some colour!

So we talked and negotiated and our house has some good colour to it that we both like - probably even more than we thought we would.

We are also similar in that we both have a bit of a goth streak in us. Not so much in dress - but definitely in music and art / collectibles areas. So we have some Living Dead Dolls that we've collected through out the years as well as some Teddy Scares and other items. For awhile there we were at a loss on how to display them in a setting that made sense.

Then we painted one of our spare bedrooms a plum/deep purple colour - slapped leather curtains on the windows - and it became our goth room (and now serves as our study where we have the computers set up).


As far as other areas of our life - it's been no problem merging as we pretty much agreed about finances, autonomy, roles etc before moving in together...