Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[atomiczombie]

I was talking to someone in the chat room the other night and I made the remark that I can't afford date anyone right now. The femme I was talking to asked me why I feel that it takes money, and for me it comes down to how I treat a femme on a date.

For *ME*, it takes money to date a femme properly. No, I would never take a femme to McDonald's for a date. I may not take her to the fanciest place for dinner, but it should be nice. 60$ is not an unreasonable amount to spend on a nice meal with a girl. Then there is all the grooming. A fresh haircut every 2 weeks; getting a car wash before each date because who wants to be picked up in a dirty car??; Having freshly cleaned and pressed clothes that are dress-casual to dressy. (Jeans are fine if you have a dress shirt and tie to go with them.) And, bring her a small gift with each date, usually flowers, but it could be something else that she likes, such as candy or something else. Buy her drinks if you are at a bar.

Things that don't cost money but are essential to me are: Be freshly showered before each date! Open every door for her; pull out her chair for her; allow her to order her food first; ask her first if you want to hold her hand or kiss her (that's just good manners). If you like how she looks or her smile or how she smells or the things that she says, or wears, then tell her. Let her talk about herself, and don't dominate the conversation with things about you. Don't use a lot of swear words. Don't talk about your exes!! Don't be in a rush to get into bed; try to get to know her, who she is and what she is like. Listen to her. Ask her what kind of things she enjoys doing, what kind of food she likes, etc. so if she agrees to another date, you can plan your next date around things she enjoys. Don't do the same thing every single date - try to plan a variety of activities. Thank her for spending time with you, and if you really like her and want to see her again, don't wait more than 2 days to call her. Don't call her the very next day, either. Give room, but not too much room. Don't blow up her phone with text messages either, but saying you had a good time is important.

The person I was discussing this with said she had never been treated this way on a date, and I was kind of surprised. She told me I should start a thread about dating, so here it is:

Femmes, how do you like to be treated on a date? I think all of us people on the masculine spectrum should know what you ladies would like and what you think is important. I know not all femmes are the same and like the exact same things, so having as much feed back as possible is really appreciated! Also, some feed back about what NOT to do would be helpful too! Stories about both good dates and bad ones are welcome! I personally would really like to know how to be a better date so that someday, if I ever can afford to date again, I can do it better. Thanks in advance!

[ruffryder]

Great thread! *takes a seat readily listening* (:

[Guy]

I don't think it has to cost much money to go out on a date.

i usually get a fresh haircut wether I have a date or not.

It doesn't cost much to prepare a nice picnic lunch on the beach or at a park.

If its flowers you can not afford there are some very nice flowers you can pick for her along the way.

I can wash my own car

My clothes I can iron myself also

Wala ..Instant date

[MissPriss]

I don't think it has to cost much money to go out on a date.

i usually get a fresh haircut wether I have a date or not.

It doesn't cost much to prepare a nice picnic lunch on the beach or at a park.

If its flowers you can not afford there are some very nice flowers you can pick for her along the way.

I can wash my own car

My clothes I can iron myself also

Wala ..Instant date


Thats a great start Guy!!! Picked flowers are much better it shows effort and thought! Picnic lunches are great!! and depending on where the picnic will be and if you have 4X4 the vehicle doesnt really have to be clean either, Hit the lake bank, Go MUDDIN!!! That makes for a super Southern date!!

[Gráinne]

If I've had an evening of intelligent conversation, laughs, and a kind of connection, that's a great date. I don't care if it's walking in the park; if I like you, time is what's important.

The right person could take me for a Big Mac, and in fact I'd rather have a Big Mac with someone I kind of loved than a nice meal with so-so. A "gift" should be something that says you've been paying attention. I personally don't enjoy getting cut flowers-take me to a garden, instead, and leave them in the ground. The right person could bring me a bag of M&M's wrapped in a ribbon, and that would be more than any trinket.

Cleanliness of person and vehicle, that I can get behind. Make like you're putting some pride in yourself, and making an effort for me.

It's just me, but I don't like to be asked if you can hold my hand or kiss me. The answer will be no. If things are going well, go for it ;). But that's just me. I'm not sure where I am on pulling out chairs and opening doors, ordering first-I must be strange, but that's never flipped my switch. Just act naturally-if you're ready to order first, order.

Show me who you are. Tell me about yourself.

I guess I don't want to be treated like "the femme" or "a lady". I mean, don't be rude and crude, of course, but just treat me as you would like to be treated. Just hold my hand and be my friend.

[gaea]

wow..........

respect comes to mind....before during and after a date is important...

the grooming because you have taken the time to do this will be noticed, because i too will have taken the time to groom....

for me a picnic in the park /lake / ocean would be ideal this is just as intimate a setting as dinner perhaps less stuffy....

flowers if you have taken the time to find out said favorite flower then i would think either purchased and or hand picked would be good however not necessary....

but then again...what the hell do i know? the word "date" has me running for cover...the word itslef makes me feel all stuffy and like i would need to be something or someone im not....put on a pretense of something i just cant do or beleive in....

based on above paragraph i think dating for me would have to entail some sort of activity outside and or indoors however no movies and please no way too expensive restaurants....just because im looking out for your pocket book...this economy you got to get creative in your dating ....

[clay]

I agree...not all dates have to be about the $$ spent, BUT is about the quality time spent...paying attention to her, being courteous, engaging, having impeccable manners, respect for her,(hygiene, neat clothes, etc should always be....whether on a date or not). I agree with the hand holding and/or kiss. Feel her...actually "feel" if there is chemistry...if so, go for it. A nice kiss......and when walking, hold her hand...believe me, you WILL know if she is into you or not! A hand at the small of her back, open doors, and pick a single rose...or a spring boquet. Like one of the posters said, a bag of M & M's, wrapped with a ribbon....says so much (provided she likes M & M's) it isn't about the money spent, it is the thoughts and sincerety behind the date, gift, flower...the fact you put EFFORT and thought into...tailored it specifically to HER! Compliments go a long way! I love to cook, and if she likes, I am amenable to making a nice dinner at home...either at my place or at hers...AND I am very fond of making a nice picnic lunch...OR pick up a "take out" picnic...maybe sushi, strawberries, a bottle of wine...a book of poems to read to her...a blanket..stretch out and look at the clouds...see what shapes you can find....OR a picnic on the beach...lying on the warm sand....watching the sun set...have a bottle of bubbles, or a kite...ENJOY the endeavor....tailored for the two of you....HAVE FUN! ENJOY the time...this is just MHO....anything done with thought and sincerety is always great!!!!

[gaea]

i guess too i would gather to say i really like playing pool and am quite good at it and a pool hall would suit me just fine in terms of a date....lol

then again that's me........

i want to be treated like a princess because i am a princess however doesn't that mean doing things i like doing?????

so having led to any sort of date.....a conversation would have had to take place and if you have listened really listened it would be simple i would think...

[lillith]

Hmmmm...I think we are missing the focus here: it is about what the femmes would like.

OK, I have written and erased three times. Here it is if it were a first date: I want to be picked up from my front door; don't blow your horn, it does not make me want to run out the door. I want there to be a bit of nervousness, excitement between us because the unknown can happen. I want to look you in the eyes and know that I am safe. I want you to extend your hand as I go to step over the threshold of my door. As we walk together to your car, bend your arm and put my hand there. Open the car door, and offer your hand again. Please note that if your side of the car is locked, I will lean over and unlock it. This is all before the car is even started...My point being, treat me like I am lady, and allow me to treat you like a Gentleman. That is the best gift you can ever offer me.

[atomiczombie]

Hmmmm...I think we are missing the focus here: it is about what the femmes would like.

Yes that is my wish: that we hear from the femmes about what they like! :)

[bigbutchmistie]

Drew, that's a given on how a every woman should be treated in daily life. :) Great thread...

For me, Im not gonna stop treating a femme right cause weve been on several dates. I want each and every time I take her out to be special. If we end of "dating" and its progressed into a relationship, well the same things I did to "GET HER" are the same things Im gonna do and more once she is mine. It a proven fact. If you treat a woman like a Queen she will treat you like her King every time. :)

Its sad to think there are femmes out there who dont know what its like to be properly courted.

Just my two cents.

[Gráinne]

OK :). I got off track. Here's what a great date looks like to me:

*First, you're right. Clean yourself, your clothes, and the car. If there's even a scintilla of a chance that I'm coming in later on, clean your home.

*Don't pull up into the driveway and honk. I DO want you to come to the door. That's just good manners, date or not.

*I do like an aforementioned personal gift-not a lot of $, but just something that says "I noticed this and thought you'd like it". A friend of mine, whom I'm not even dating, once surprised me with an angel she saw in a store window, and remembered that I love angels, which was just a passing comment. That meant a lot.

*I love nicely flowing conversation; if it's hard to get you talking, that gets awkward.

*Don't blast music or drive like a maniac (have had both)

*Who doesn't like compliments?

*Be honest about your table manners and correct accordingly. This is something I am sticky on.

*Have some conversation topics ready to go, especially on a first date. I for one enjoy controversial topics as long as it doesn't go into "well, you're all wrong" territory.

*I love to finish a date outdoors-a walk in the park, something like that.

That's about it. I don't want to be on a pedestal or the queen. Take me out as you would go out with a friend, because that's what I am, first and foremost.

[oblivia]

The best dates I've had, regardless of where we've gone, what we've eaten or how much money was spent have had the following qualities...

~My Date's Attention - I feel like I have the attention of my date, no sense of being 'tuned out'.

~Effort - For people I've dated for whom money is not a concern, sometimes coming up with a date idea that does NOT cost money is a huge effort (for example). I just love that feeling that the person I am on a date with has made some sort of unique effort or put energy into the date or the idea of the date - especially if that effort specifically addresses something that they know about me or have learned as we've begun getting to know each other. I find that more creative date ideas are the most memorable, exciting, and truly enjoyable for me.

~Something pretty - Sometimes it's a view. Sometimes it's candles on the table or in the room, or a nearby fireplace. Sometimes it's a sunset. Sometimes it's flowers. Sometimes it's just a nice setting.

~Play - And I mean this in the most innocent of ways (honestly). For me, some element of play is really fantastic on a date. Maybe the other person has a naturally playful personality and says things that make me laugh/giggle, or maybe it's more literal and we play a game of pool, cards, mini golf, or whatever. I love an element of play on a date.

~My Date was comfortable! - Sometimes, with all the energy put into making the other person comfortable/happy or impressing them, one ends up sacrificing their own needs or stepping too far outside their own comfort zones. If you pick a date that you know you'll enjoy too, you're more likely to be relaxed and comfortable - which will put your date at ease! If you're super uncomfortable at fancy restaurants (for example) don't try to impress your date by taking them to one - pick something that you know you can enjoy too. Trust me, if you're uncomfortable - your date will be, too.


One of my favourite dates, was when Sparx surprised me on a weekday at my office - after she'd learned I'd been having a really crummy day. She'd snuck a picnic basket into my car, so when we went to get in the car and head home, She suggested instead that we head to our favourite sunset-gazing spot and have dinner. The really memorable part was that she had packed bread (that she'd baked fresh that day) and all the fixings for sandwiches. The reason she hadn't pre-assembled the sandwiches and had, instead, packed condiments and fixings into individual containers and baggies, was because she knows that I have this thing.... where I like sandwiches to be very very fresh when I eat them... you'll never see me buying a premade sandwich from the deli section -ew. She even thought to pack a side dish and beverages. It was a lovely meal made all the more lovely by the thought, energy, and effort she'd put into making it perfect. And, after we'd watched the sun go down, she walked me to the fancy restaurant in the same park to get coffee and dessert. It was such a lovely and memorable evening.

[blush]

Goof brought flowers, champagne and kitty litter on our first date. I was totally smitten.

[betenoire]

A couple of cigarettes, a cup of coffee and a little bit of conversation. You and me and five bucks.

khs56S_qcM8

I think flowers are a horrible gift. So wasteful. They die and you throw them away. Plus they are super unoriginal. I'd much rather the person on the other end of the date put that money into a gift card for a local coffee place. Or sent me a mix of their 10 favourite songs on itunes. Or even got me a keychain - I love keychains. I mean if you know her well enough to go on a date with her, SURELY you know her well enough to have some sort of an idea of what her interests are.

[blush]

I have to say, though, there is no formula except sincerity. Some femmes like this, but not that. Some want to be courted, others want to be friends. Seems like we all want our date to be sincere.

[betenoire]

I have to say, though, there is no formula except sincerity. Some femmes like this, but not that. Some want to be courted, others want to be friends. Seems like we all want our date to be sincere.

And that's really the thing, isn't it? Femmes are not some monochromatic alien beings. We're not so freakishly bizzare and difficult to understand that it is necessary to figure out the mysterious formula for making us happy. We're just people, for crissakes. And because we're people, there are no two of us who are alike or who want/require the exact same things.

Can you imagine if I insisted upon presenting every Butch I've ever met with a toolbelt on her birthday? I'd look like such a jackass! Particularly if that Butch is more interested in, for example, reading or gardening than they are in tools.

Oh well.

[Hollylane]

First and foremost....Turn off your cell phone....be present..be in the moment...as much as I enjoy romance...I personally love spontaneity and originality...smell good, and look good enough to munch on....;) Save the flowers, they die, I'd rather be taken to where flowers live....

[imperfect_cupcake]

First and most importantly, I don't think you can assume anything about how someone wants to be treated on a date, simply because of their gender.

I think for a date to go well, the natural flow has to happen, between the people. For example, the first date my wife took me on, she cycled to my house at 8am, right after her shift at the hospital to take me out to Hampstead Heath's women's pond to go swimming. We sat on my bead and she brought a bottle of reasonably priced but nice sparkling wine (southafrican, I think probably about £7) with some smoked salmon ends (cheap. 80 pence) and some crusty rolls (40 pence each. So champers breckfast for two, in bed = £8.60, less than a meal at Mc Donlads).

we then has some leisurely sex and went to the pond for a summer afternoon swim and a long talk with lots of laughing.

She came back home with me and I cooked her a lovely dinner.

That's not a typical date (we'd known each other a monht before sleeping together and we had finally gone home with each other after she asked if I was going to a club night in soho that night - that wasn't a date, I was already going and she had mates with her)

I'm glad we slept together before dating. It made everything a hell of a lot easier in terms of what we could do on a date. And frankly, I'd rather have a picnic than a restaurant, a swim in a pond in stead of theater, a free museum jaunt and a bicycle ride together along the marshes than a drive to some soiree/gallery opening with beer at £4 a bottle.

SO she was perfect for me. The first night I met her I actually bought her the beer after a certain point because she had just graduated as a student and had run out of cash. We were at a squat rave party so it was only £1 a can. Neither of us cared who paid for what, we were so enamoured by each other.

I love being treated and spoiled and so does she. She loves blowing her money on me if she ever has any (which is now half mine anyway and vice versa because we only have a single bank account) and I love buying stuff for her. But we don't have cash at the moment so she spoils me by doing other things. Like doing all the housework when I'm exhausted, instead of half. Pouring me a bath with oils and candles. letting me pick the movie (and it being a period drama, which she tolerates when she's being indulgent), giving me a massage.

And fuck me, do I ever appreciate those things!!!


The dates she takes me on now always makes me feel like I'm her Beloved no matter what £ is involved or not. because she's thought about *me* - what would barb like? before taking me on one. I do the same for her when I take her on one.

[UofMfan]

For me it doesn't always takes money. I am usually stuck with taking someone in a series of "dates", so I try to do the most I can in the shortest time possible.

It takes respect, creativity, presence, good hygiene, planning and care.

First and foremost treat her with respect. Anything else is unacceptable.

Be creative as to what to do, even if it means driving around in circles and asking for directions just so you can take her to that perfect spot.

Be present, ask questions, look for signs of what she likes or doesn't like. Pull back the chair at a restaurant, open doors, in my case translate, be totally present.

Good hygiene is a given for me, but I usually go an extra mile for dates. And yes, smell good enough to make her want to munch on you. Do some pre-date grooming, fresh haircut, take care of your hands, nails, etc.

Plan something for her, money is not always involved. I once had a "date" that entailed me spending a lot of time and effort getting something to work just so that we could do something together. It was worth it, it was inexpensive and it was fun.

Look at her in the eye, let her know how much you are enjoying her presence and always make sure to compliment her. I am certain she also put a lot of effort in looking as spectacular as she does. Show her you care. After all, she is the reason you are out on a date to begin with.

[tapu]

I usually start with, "You wanna date me? I'll let ya." and take it from there.







Labels: humor, parody

[Sachita]

My situation is a bit unique and my needs different then the typical.

If someone dates me it means they have to come here and sense it's out in the country, normally requires a drive, they normally stay the night. Therefore I only date someone I've spent time with getting to know. I have met people for coffee in Greensboro and Raleigh but its hard for me to just slip out and spend a few hours for coffee.

I'm happy to plan and cook. I think its rude to go to someone's house empty handed. I don't even do this, especially when someone is entertaining me. Do a little research and surprise me. A bottle of wine, flowers, a plant, anything. I also expect you to help out with cleaning up after. If you come for the weekend help me around the farm. Yes- I put them to work! If they can't handle some work then they probably won't fit into my lifestyle anyhow.

I don't expect someone to pay. It depends on who ask whom and what we're doing. If someone takes me out to dinner I expect them to pay. I reciprocate by inviting them for a home cooked meal.

I really enjoy someone who is intelligent and creative. Someone who plans a surprise for me and helps me make the available time. It can be a trip to the lake, a hike, go fishing, kayaking, movie, dinner, almost anything. I hate always making plans and deciding.

Its not what we do so much as the energy present. I prefer someone attentive and affectionate. Good conversation without effort.

[*Anya*]

Show genuine interest in me as a person, I, in return, will do the same. If I date you, I am genuinely interested in knowing you.

I would rather sit and just have coffee & chat than go to the movies on a first date.

Be real with me. If I go out with you, I am already impressed by you so no pretense is necessary.

Understand that I am just as anxious as you are that the date go well, though I may now outwardly show it.

No expensive fancy date needed (though that is fun too). A picnic at the beach or a park is great.

Splitting the cost of the date is fine. Just because you are butch does not mean I expect you to pay but be honest ahead of time. If you do not bring it up, I will to make you more comfortable.

If you really like me, please let me know. I hate to guess. If you decide you do not want to see me again, be honest & tell me. I will do the same.

Be respectful, honor my boundaries.

Good hygiene, no bad breath please.

Please, no stories about femmes that did you wrong in the past. I will refrain from telling you stories about butches that did me wrong; in return.

In a nutshell: be the sweet, charming, open and honest butch that I know you are, even before I really know you.

[msW8ing]

My most memorable date that I hold dearly in memories to this day,being young and as broke as we both were, new how much I loved Melissa Etheridge and instead of expensive flowers (which die) wrote on a plain piece of notebook papers the lyrics to one of her songs. (this was before you could google the lyrics, so they actually listened to the song enough to write the lyrics), we took a thermos of coffee and a blanket to my back yard and laid under the moon and stars and just talked, laughed and shared, wants, desires, dreams, goals and laughter. Even though it was many many years ago I still have that piece of notebook paper with those lyrics on it, and remember the aroma of thier cologne. IMHO the greatest gifts anyone can give another is thier time, (seems it's the one things most of us just don't have enough of). And to share themselves with another. In my many years of dating I've had great ones and not so great ones. Gotta love the "wandering eyes" type of dates lol.

[gaea]

I love how diverse we all are....

for me personally, i am old school and i love old school treatment....please pay for my dinner, open my doors, hold my hand or let my hand rest in the crook of your arm, make sure im on the inside as we walk down a street this shows the world that you respect me and that im yours for the evening.

im not opposed to "dutch" just communicate that.


im also not opposed to planning a date...however i don't want to plan the first one..immediate turn off for me...im also not flattered when someone says i want to take you out on a date by the way i want you to also pay...again another turn off.

yes sometimes knowing who is paying for dinner and such is important.......

communication is important upfront....

[msW8ing]

Surprises just ROCK! Pick me up from work..take me for a drive..stop the car because it's a great song in the Wal Mart parking lot if need be and ask me to dance..look at me like you've haven't seen me for a lifetime..kiss so deeply I forget to breathe...come over at 3am because it's a nasty storm and you know how much I secretly fear them..hold me to make me feel safe. You get the idea I'm sure. I'm old school as well. And I refuse to believe chivalry is dead. I still believe in knights in rusted/dented armor.lol

[cinderella]

courtesy, generosity, chivalry, and good manners. And a little bit of innocent flirting with me wouldn't hurt anything. ;)

[betenoire]

Don't spend too much money. I actually pulled out of a new relationship once because the Butch I was dating (and it hadn't been going on very long at all) spent hundreds of dollars on me at V-Day. It made me incredibly uncomfortable, and while hy clearly had good intentions - it made me want to not date hym any more. I just couldn't get passed it! The combination of feeling bought and feeling weird that I didn't (actually, couldn't!) reciprocate monetarily was just way too much for me and I skedaddled.

Some of the greatest gifts I'd ever received cost less than 20 dollars. Most of them I still have and use today.

- a glasses case shaped like a handbag
- a black/gold checkered cigarette case
- a compact with a dragonfly painted on it
- a totebag with a cartoon monkey wearing a pirate outfit on it
- a little black change purse with blue stars on it
- paul frank earbuds
- Morrissey and Siouxsie duet "Interlude" on vinyl
- a brown with pink polka dots travel mug
- the b-horror-movie Carnival of Terror on VHS (this was forever ago!)
- playing cards with Elvis on them!!!!!

And most recently, my work-bestie (who I admit I have a bit of a crush on) drew me a picture for my birthday. It's a cartoon fox and captioned "Happy Birthday, Bestie! You are so foxy!" I put it on my fridge. For his birthday I made him marble magnets with Wonder Woman on them and he was super excited. We're besties like that.

[steel_magnolia]

I grew up in Texas and have very firm ideas on how I should be treated - good Southern manners go far with me! Money is immaterial, though - in fact, a fancy restaurant seems like too much unless it's a special occasion. Picnics, boat rides, gentle hikes, drives, etc are more my speed. And I don't really like the classic "dinner and a movie". I prefer a show and drinks - if we're going to watch a performance of any kind I'd want to talk about it after, and a coffee shop or quiet bar give us a chance to do that! Treat me like a lady, focus on the moment, share your thoughts with me, and actually be interested when I share with you. Everything else is optional.

My favorite date (so far!) was a nighttime walk through a city garden that had been decorated for Christmas. It was our own fairy wonderland! We talked about everything for hours, admired the lights and displays, and I was her entire focus. She was courteous and chivalrous, constantly seeing to my comfort. The only money spent was on a cup of hot cocoa when I started to get a bit chilled. Afterwards she dropped me back off at my car with a smile, a desire to see me again, and a chaste kiss with no pressure for more. Best date ever.

[Nina]

Gayla got 8 postcards from the area...put a note and a stamp on each one and sent them all the way across country to C. and A. in Pa...they are also doing the postcard exchange and agreed to mail them out using my PO address, which Gayla does not have...it was really really really a sweet surprise...

that's one thing that I, as the Nina-Femme, appreciated as a date...

[sweetfemme247]

Let's see I am a bit simple, I like flowers but not roses please, I love carnations...... if your going to take me out on a date please be dressed nicely, dont have mounds of fast food bags all over your car, I dont like to sit in someone else's left over food. Open a door for me, turn off your cell phone, dont flirt with the waitress or anyone else while im around, big turn off.... dont talk about your ex's (it has happen before, big mistake). my dog is number one in my life, she always has been and always will be........ money wise I dont care to go to some fancy place unless its a special occasion. I am a simple person who likes small gifts to show you care.

[LaneyDoll]

OK, I am intentionally NOT reading other replies so I may repeat a thought or two...

I have three kids so I fully understand that the budget can get tight and I have no problems with that. Yes, I would love to be swept off my feet, taken to a wonderfully expensive meal etc etc etc. But, life does not always allow for such indulgences.

So, assuming we have a minimal or non-existent budget, let's try something a little more realistic.

* My local art museum accepts donations in lieu of charging admittance and parking is free for museum guests. Personally, I love to go here for a date, I like to see what (if any) art moves someone.

* The local botanical gardens are free and parking is free. They have a variety of gardens from the "Southern Home" garden to the rose garden to the Japanese gardens etc. Lots of pretty and unique things to see, easy to walk with swings and benches and fountains scattered throughout.

* State parks. Usually a small charge to get in but lots of places to walk, spread a blanket and relax, talk and get to know/rediscover each other. And, if you have a Frisbee or soccer ball etc, you can bring it with you.

* Cook for me!!! I am not the greatest cook ever and I love it when someone cooks for me. I am even happy to grocery shop (just provide me a list) and clean up.

* If we go out to eat, please tell me what you are thinking of ordering-I am going to use your order to determine what to get. If you order a $15 pasta dish, I am not going to order $40 in surf & turf. I know, it is weird, but I prefer to stay within the same price range. I don't care who orders first though. But treat the wait staff well! If you treat them badly, this may well be your last date with me.

* Watch a movie with me. I have hundreds of DVDs and I love to curl up with a movie. It is even better when you can make out during part or all of the film.

* Sit on the porch at night with me and talk to me. Point out the brightest stars, tell me stories about when you were little and just enjoy the evening.

* Give me a back rub, a foot rub etc. I am a very tactile person and love a massage. Even better, tell me that my hair is pretty and ask if you can brush it. I will let you brush my hair until your arm falls off-lol.

* Pay attention to me. Ask me questions, SHOW INTEREST in me, and just talk to me. The best thing you can give someone is your attention. Be in the moment. Put the cell phone down, stop texting. I hate it when someone is always texting and they are supposed to be with me. If you are with me then BE WITH ME, not your cell. (Allowances made for texts from kids etc). I want to feel like your priority, not your option.

* Treat me like your grandmother. No really! Open the door, pull out my chair (if you are comfortable doing so), don't make every other word the "four letter" variety. Present yourself cleanly, make sure your car or home is neat (cleaning does not cost anything), use your manners.

* Smell good! In addition to being very tactile, I am also scent driven. Clean is yummy. Sweat on clean is sexy. Sweat on BO-not so much.

* If you want to charm me, then make me feel like a lady. Charm will take you further than flash.

Hope this helps, even a little bit :)

:sparklyheart:

[LaneyDoll]

Ok, now I am going back to read what everyone else said :)

:sparklyheart:

[betenoire]

But treat the wait staff well! If you treat them badly, this may well be your last date with me.


Oh god, exactly!

This one time I went out on a date with a guy because he was postering for the communist party and I struck up a conversation with him about politics (true fact - I will talk to anybody, and I thought "oh neat, a communist. I should talk to him!"). Anyway, the place we went was Sneaky Dee's, which at that time was my favourite place to go (his suggestion). He was SUCH AN INCREDIBLE DOUCHEBAG to the servers, and I was mortified because it was a place that I hung out often enough that I knew most of the people who worked there would recognise me. He actually put his hand in the air and SNAPPED at one juncture and I just about crawled over the table to murder him. (Don't get me started on the hypocrisy of pretending to be a champion of the working person and then treating people who work in the service industry like shit.) I spent a solid month ignoring his phonecalls after that until he gave up.

I also hate when people constantly send their food back. I mean if there is something genuinely wrong (like, if it's cold) that's one thing - but if it's EVERY single time we go out to eat and over stupid reasons then we're going to have an issue. Plus I feel like I can't eat my food until the other person's food is back and I hate when something comes between me and my food. ;)

I'm really weird (maybe not so weird?) about how people behave when they are with me, even friends. If you are obnoxious or have a huge sense of entitlement I'm not going to want to hang out with you. If you make a nuisance of yourself and are demanding of the employees at whatever place we happen to be at (or are unfriendly to them in any way) I will feel humiliated and not want to spend time with you any more.

[imperfect_cupcake]

as for who pays? the asker. If I ask you out, I pay. You ask me out, you pay. Asker picks restaurant and informs when asking. good idea to have a plan B in case someone has food sensitivities.

I *have* been caught out by this before by thinking this was fairly common - it's not in London! I was butt broke and this very suave suited and booted butch solicitor (UK for Lawyer) asked me out for a light dinner on the south bank of the thames, outside table, bit of dimsum. Ok, I thought, that's nice, sure. I take £10 with me, just in case, and head off.

I arrive and it's way more expensive than I thought but that's ok, she's picked it, she asked me, I'll just go light and let her order mostly. As we are talking before the waiter comes I start to get this feeling she's more southern english butch than northern or the kind of butch in North america.... that means everything I might assume goes out the window. This also means she hasn't dated much. they don't really "date" here... that would mean she doesn't know date manners/rituals of the kind I'm used to. ergo, I'm going to have to have a glass of water and a salad with my £10 in this very expensive place.

So I don't order any wine, I turn down, politely, her offer to buy a bottle. I then order an appetiser as my meal. She orders several buckets of dim sum. Offers me some. I say no thanks, I'm not very hungry. oh go on have a few and places four on my plate. I don't touch them till close to the end of the meal.

after a rather awkward date where I realise that although I've met with her casually a couple times at events, this is a no goer. different lifestyle. she doesn't pay attention well either. talks about herself a bit too much in a very boring way and takes herself way too seriously. generalises too much.

when the bill arrives she looks at it and says "split this down the middle, shall we?" with a big happy non-observant grin.
"actually, if you don't mind, I'm just going to pay for mine. I've only got a tenner on me." which came out a bit frosty. I think she was a bit bruised by that. Her tone changed and she sounded a bit hurt.

I rushed away with a lot of relief.

serves me right for making assumptions about people and dating and I should have stated right at the beginning about my budget.

Inki did try to pay for me as often as possible, bless her, and we always have a small wrestle over the bags. I've learned to just let her carry them and say thank you. she means only to be of use and I appreciate it when she takes the awkward bags when we cycle home from shopping. She find me chairs when my feet hurt when we are out, she always gives me the seat on the train. But to assume she will do this for all femmes is a mistake, she'll promptly tell a femme to fuck off at an event if she wants a chair that inki has, simply because she's girly and inki's a butch and therefore has chair rights. She doesn't do the gender divide. she does it because it's me. not because I'm a femme. That feels special.

[Martina]

My only rule is don't bore me. Quiet is fine. Simple is fine. But don't actively bore me.

i can't tell you the number of times i've been picked up and then the butch (or femme) got gas, went to an ATM to get cash, didn't know the directions to where we were going, etc. Don't waste my time. Do all that before you pick me up, for god's sake.

i went out on one date, and the butch stopped by at a business to pick out some furniture for a house she owned that she was staging. Took like an hour. i used to buy furniture for a living. It was NOT interesting. Maybe some people would have loved it. This one also talked about her ex and indicated the ex thought she was perhaps on the stalky side. No second date for her.

[Soft*Silver]

Opening of doors and etc are givens. Those must be done. I am an old school femme, that never changes.

At this stage of the game, I am unwilling to pay for dinner. I have paid my dues, thank you.If you cant pay for dinner, you cant afford me. I dont mean you need money but you need to be successful enough in life to hold your own. I am not taking care of, financially nor emotionally, another human being. And if you cant pay for dinner, thats a clear sign for me that one of the two of the forementioned might be a likelihood.

Be sober. I dont care if you have a drink with dinner but by god, dont be a lush. Its SO over, the excuses of why you arent too drunk. At my age, if you are drunk at dinner, you are simply just an old drunk and I wont bother with you...

Dress nice. Dont show up with stains or wrinkles or odd smells. I dont care what your excuse is. I count more than those excuses. BTW...horse smells arent odd smells...

Pay attention to me. Be present. Dont go wonder off into lala land and all your worries. Nor let me catch your eye on some other girl. Have some conversation starters and know how to listen as well as talk. And talk. the strong silent ones are so not cool anymore. If you cant talk to me, its not a good date.

Be civil..I love what the other gals said about being nice to the wait staff. was having dinner with a coworker one day and was totally appalled by her behavior toward them. I never hung out with her again. and that was just a coworker...

Know what you are getting into, before the date. I am not the girl i use to be. Dont expect me to be submissive and dainty. I am also not "down and dirty". I am ladylike and sweet, funny and flirty, but very strong and independent. I am not needy and in trouble. I am also not trouble. Dont come at me like a knight in shining armour...lol on my word pun. I am with you for dinner, not for rescue...

have clean breath

be yourself. I am out with you because something about YOU tickled my fancy. Dont put on airs or try to impress me by changing ...be true to who you are...that makes the best date!

Show up with a gift. A single red rose. A cd for us to listen to that I get to take home and keep. A little horse to add to my collection (you would know I collect palomino knick knacks)

Take photos during the date and post them on your facebook so that the world would know we went out. Show me you are happy to be with me...proud of it.

Dont assume sex. it wont happen. Not at the age I am at..the age of self preservation. I cant provide intimacy just because we like each other. I need far more than that. I think dating has lost its definition.It was originally meant as a process to find the "one". And its ok that we dont need to hang on for "one" anymore. But I do think we threw the baby out with the bath water and jumped into bed too soon too often..speaking for myself...the "we" meaning myself, past and up to the present. I have been dating and havent had sex on a date in forever. I tell people it will take at least a year. LOL> you should see their expressions. Some view it as a challenge. They fall to the wayside when they cant pace themselves. Sex happens....but not too fast...too soon...

oh...dont even kid about ordering horse meat. I will punch you. :fastdraq:

[amiyesiam]

Gayla got 8 postcards from the area...put a note and a stamp on each one and sent them all the way across country to C. and A. in Pa...they are also doing the postcard exchange and agreed to mail them out using my PO address, which Gayla does not have...it was really really really a sweet surprise...

that's one thing that I, as the Nina-Femme, appreciated as a date...


Oh this was so much fun
you will never know how happy I was
knowing that you were gonna get a surprise
I am such a geek
and
you took forever to get to the post office


so dating
I don't date
Corkey won't let me
Not sure why that is (snort)
anyway
being the odd duck that I am
while I LOVE surprising other people (those that actually love to be surprised)
I personally don't care to be surprised (ever)
I love knowing exactly what I am getting for B-day etc weeks ahead of time and joyfully waiting till I get it.
I prefer (read want/need) to be involved in the planning of my life
so back in the day (before marriage)
I liked to plan dates together
split the costs or take turns
being polite etc is a given
treating others well is a given
but then so is living within one's means
being able to be yourself and being able to relax
I really want to be comfortable, feel excepted, etc and want the other person to feel that way too.
cause ya know at some point if things work out you may end up living together
personally I don't want to live together and be all formal
home is the place you get to relax and escape from the world
if you are a beer drinking, sports watching in your boxers kind of butch well then you better let that special femme know that side of you exists. Though I would not recommend wearing just boxers on the first date:|
It is nice if you also clean up well and do know how to behave in public.
Be honest, be honest, be honest
no one is perfect
and we all have our querks

[Julie]

This is one of the areas I am a hard ass.
I am speaking first dates.
DO NOT take me to an expensive restaurant.
If you are picking me up, which is unlikely on a first date... Do not honk the horn.
Do not EVER buy me a gift - not even on the 2nd or 3rd date.
Do not bring me flowers or try to woo me on the first date.
If you do not put a napkin on your lap, we will never date again.

For a first date, at least for me. It must be casual and well meaning. If you try and impress me, I will close right up and get lost in my thoughts. If you tell me you want to be a parent/grandparent (without having kids) on the first date - I will think you want instant family.

Look at me in the eyes when you speak.
Be respectful of the wait staff.

Do not try and buy my kids or me.
Neither of us are for sale.

Just be yourself, as you would with any other friend. And I will be the same with you.
And please when we say goodnight and I kiss you (I will let you know if it's okay). Don't shove your tongue down my throat and pin up against a wall. Unless, it is only sex you want and not a second date - of which, you will get neither.

GOD - It's amazing I ever got to a second date.

And please, never ever ever buy me a gift card. I think this is one of the most impersonal gifts known to all. Unless, we are already a couple and you know I won't go and buy such and such. I adore flowers, but really prefer wild ones, with weeds mixed in the bunch. Pick me up rocks from the ground and give them to me - Rocks could actually be given on a first date. I think it's romantic and something tangible and memorable.

Next! (actually next is a common word for me, when dating).

[imperfect_cupcake]

lol the napkin thing reminded me of my first date with a long term partner:

I had met her at a munch and her ballsy attitude and forthrightness really impressed me - she asked me out for a meal directly after the (cake and tea) munch was over. I said sure. we went to an italian place near by because we didn't want to spend too much time looking for a place. It was soho and most places are a bit expensive and a bit up their own arse. When the meal came and we were talking, she flicked out her napkin and tucked the end in her Ben Sherman shirt very carefully and started eating. People at the restaurant openly stared at her. She continued eating and chatting (not at the same time, she's actually a very careful eater) and I was so impressed by her not giving a sh*t about the diners I knew we'd be dating again right there. She left a good tip for the wait staff and thanked them for the excellent food and good service.

She was a keeper for a good 2.5 years. but that napkin in the neck, the way she pulled that off with casual pride, impressed me to no end. To me that says "take me for who the fuck I am." and I really liked that.

[Dominique]

I don't do the blind date thing.

I have to have been in your company and at least know you *some* before it ever gets to the date point.

In the mean time, I'm running down my check list. Do you know how to have fun? It can be the littlest of things....will I see you playing toss with the dog? Maybe the furball prefers a frisbee? I'm very outdoorsy. Will you walk in the woods on a hike? Do you own a bicycle that you ride? Does everything you do involve a cooler of beer? What does your vehical look like? I don't care if it's an older model...but as many have stated, I do care if it's loaded down with drive thru bags. Have you washed the vehical recently? Things have gone on in the economy that have affected people
in some very painful ways. I have a friend who had to let her car go and another friend at age 49, who had to move in with her parents. How are you handling these types of life changing events, IF something to this effect has happened to you.....because as we all know, life goes on. That will speak volumes to me about your character. I'm not about money nor am I about material...they are just things. I am about character and intergrity. So show me your true colors, you'll see mine. I am what I am.
Nothing pretentious about me. Oh, one final thing....please do not try to impress me. Actions speak louder than words. If I am comfortable in your company, we may get to the *date*:goodluck:

[Starbuck]

I am a simple femme; I am neither comfortable with fancy restaurants or the stuffy clothes you wear to fancy restaurants. On the other hand, I do like for us to get dressed up once in a while, say for a special occasion like my love's b-day.

Since I consider myself a simple femme, just spending time together is fine for me. We don't have to 'do' anything, we can just 'be'. Does that make sense?

Put away the cell phone! Don't play the games on your phone or get on Twitter or Facebook while on a date with me.

I really enjoy eye contact while we are talking, it lets me know you are listening to me. I also enjoy sitting outside in the evening, using that time to get to know each other is priceless.

As I've seen in other posts I agree completely that good oral hygiene is a must!

[Corkey]

Oh this was so much fun
you will never know how happy I was
knowing that you were gonna get a surprise
I am such a geek
and
you took forever to get to the post office


so dating
I don't date
Corkey won't let me
Not sure why that is (snort)
anyway
being the odd duck that I am
while I LOVE surprising other people (those that actually love to be surprised)
I personally don't care to be surprised (ever)
I love knowing exactly what I am getting for B-day etc weeks ahead of time and joyfully waiting till I get it.
I prefer (read want/need) to be involved in the planning of my life
so back in the day (before marriage)
I liked to plan dates together
split the costs or take turns
being polite etc is a given
treating others well is a given
but then so is living within one's means
being able to be yourself and being able to relax
I really want to be comfortable, feel excepted, etc and want the other person to feel that way too.
cause ya know at some point if things work out you may end up living together
personally I don't want to live together and be all formal
home is the place you get to relax and escape from the world
if you are a beer drinking, sports watching in your boxers kind of butch well then you better let that special femme know that side of you exists. Though I would not recommend wearing just boxers on the first date:|
It is nice if you also clean up well and do know how to behave in public.
Be honest, be honest, be honest
no one is perfect
and we all have our querks






I would....:mohawk:

[amiyesiam]

I would....:mohawk:

oh ok
you win
on our next first date
you can just wear boxers
of course
we will be ordering in:cherry:

[Corkey]

oh ok
you win
on our next first date
you can just wear boxers
of course
we will be ordering in:cherry:


Runs around da house nekkid:mohawk: Yippieeeeee!

[amiyesiam]

Runs around da house nekkid:mohawk: Yippieeeeee!

Christ man, shut the drapes:|

[Corkey]

Christ man, shut the drapes:|



Why?:police:

[amiyesiam]

Why?:police:

one word: Judy
she is old and in bad health
and she checks up on us
by looking out her kitchen window
and looking into our living room
oh, wait
she has probably seen it all before:|

[Corkey]

one word: Judy
she is old and in bad health
and she checks up on us
by looking out her kitchen window
and looking into our living room
oh, wait
she has probably seen it all before:|


If she hasn't I'd be afeared :tea:

[amiyesiam]

this derail has been brought to you by the letters A and C
now back to the actual thread topic
sorry *giggle*

[JustJo]

I haven't actually dated a lot, so I'm only an authority on what I like (or imagine I would...) and, like ami, it's hypothetical since Scoote hates it when I date. :)

Anyway...like June posted, I'm actually not comfortable with someone paying for me. I'm fine if we stop for a coffee and you pay....but I'm not comfortable with you taking me out and spending a great deal. If we end up in a relationship then we can talk about how we want to manage our finances and I might get more flexible (but don't count on it :winky: )

For me, the key is to pay attention...and communicate. Like others have said...turn off the phone, don't text, don't lecture me or dominate the conversation. Talk to me. Be courteous to me, and also to others - including servers and strangers.

I prefer to do something that allows us to talk...and that really can be a cup of coffee, even at McDonald's. The beach is good, parks are good, movies are good as long as we can talk about it afterwards (and not during it or I'll be very irritated with you).

You don't need to open my door or pull out my chair...and definitely don't try to impress me. Be yourself - and if your self is a nice self...then I'm happy.

[Amber2010]

For me it is the time spent with me on the date...
I am just as happy walking the beach with the date as sitting in a concert... Well more happy with the beach.. we are able to talk and i do love to talk and be heard .... I guess it is the company that is most important to me.. Don't get me wrong I do love to be taken out from time to time... But a quick call saying hey do you feel like getting out and hitting the park or beach or just enjoying each other is just as important to me.

[Sachita]

wine me, dine me, 69 me. lol oppps

Your all funny.

I ain't never turning down a gift. Bring me lots of flowers. Spoil me. I'll spoil ya back. Don't ever keep me waiting.

[girl_dee]

Gawd I hate dates.

Take me fishing, that'll work. Let me drive the boat please and thank you.

[clay]

You are so badddddd....lol. Great posts all!!!! Hope is okay for a "butch" to post! I got "derailed" once already!!! lol Claywine me, dine me, 69 me. lol oppps

Your all funny.

I ain't never turning down a gift. Bring me lots of flowers. Spoil me. I'll spoil ya back. Don't ever keep me waiting.

[Abigail Crabby]

I don't date anymore ...wait we still do date nite so I suppose I do date. But just Him *grin*

On our first *official* date, Daddy took me to a Red Sox game !!!!

He listened to me when we talked about what I liked. So this dyed in the wool Yankee Fan got really great seats and took me to a Red Sox game.

I don't need fancy dinners to impress me, but I do like to get dressed up and enjoy an evening out on the town.

Flowers don't impress me anymore because they die, but to have something planted just for me is the bomb.

Strolls on the beach and stop by a place that sells seafood wins my heart, even tho He doesn't eat it, he always picks a place that He knows they offer seafood because I do.

For me it's the little things, making sure we have a place to enjoy our meal and conversation.

and allowing me to pay now and then - I like planning a date as well and I like knowing we went somewhere special as my treat. I think a lot of people just assume a butch has to pay and I don't. If I'm flush I'm all about spoiling my date - well He's my last date lol but I do love to spoil him in return.

I'm digressing - I guess what I would add is find out what she likes, and pay attention to her. Put away the cell phone, and try to go somewhere new where you have the time to give her the attention and not your friends who happen to be hanging in your favorite place.

The spit and shine is a given, even if it's a beach date a clean butch is a dateable butch lol.

Open her door, shower her with attention, if you feel the need bring her a single rose to let her know you were thinking of her. IMHO giving presents on a date is not something I would want....

If you get to date 2 by then you know her fav music and bringing along a cd is acceptable.

Don't get drunk!! nothing worse than being with someone and you're drunk and you're their ride home.

Keep your ex in a neat lil box where she belongs.....I can't stress that enough. You're dating her not the ex lol

Be yourself, be pleasant and charming, the person you presented to her when you asked for the date.

Don't assume sex - it's a date not a committment

[ScandalAndy]

My biggest pet peeve: " I don't know, what do YOU want to do?"

So help me, if you ask me out and you don't have a plan, I will get right out of that car and go back in the house!

i love surprises. One time a very good friend of mine picked me up at my house and made me put a blindfold on. After an hour I was still giddy, but mildly cranky and started being a pain in the butt. He parked and let me peek out the bottom of the blindfold so i could see the paving stone path I needed to walk on, then i had to be all blindfolded again until he put my hand on a railing and it sounded like thunder everywhere.

He took me to Niagara Falls at night to see the lightshow on the mist. It was the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me, and it surprised the hell out of me.

A surprise. Something beautiful. Plenty of time to talk or just be quiet and enjoy the experience together. That's what I love.

Although, at this point I would just be happy to get asked out at all. I'm with some of the others who have posted here, I'm over being the emotional and financial support for masculine-types who have some work to do. Maybe I'm less warm now that I'm looking out for myself, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. :)

[always2late]

To me...a first date is really important. You know the old saying "You only get one chance to make a first impression". I find that to be true. And a good impression needn't be made with an expensive dinner, or gifts. To me, its all about respect. Putting effort or thought into a date shows that you think I am special, and that my company is valued. Treat me like a lady...that may sound old fashioned, but that is what I am and I want to be treated as such.

[princessbelle]

Great posts in here!!!

I'm simple when it comes to going on a date. I just like the old fashion sort of stuff. A movie in home or out, a walk, a nice low budget dinner, hand holding, door opening, a smile, a touch, interesting converstation and hopefully a connection.

Best part about a great date is the offer of a second.

[Star Anise]

I do like to be taken out to dinner, but nothing too flashy...I like it more down to earth, a nice Italian/Greek/Turkish restaurant is good.

I don't really like going to the movies on dates, because I am really looking to make more of an emotional connection, and I personally don't think much of a connection is made, while two people stare at the same screen in silence (but that is just me.)

I do like a little bit of being "taken care of" doors open etc...I appreciate it as a sweet gesture, but on the other hand it isn't mandatory. LOL

Conversation though is a must, going for a walk is wonderful...Walking and talking, yep.

[betenoire]

please do not light my cigarettes. i have perfectly functionable fine motor skills. plus i can light my cigarette faster than you can light it for me. for some reason i have always hated that.

[weatherboi]

On my first date with Ms i picked Her up from the airport, we didn't go to dinner, we didn't do any of the traditional things spoken of here. She led Our/our first date. She likes it that way.

[Sachita]

I think it would be cool if someone made me a pretty flower bed or garden even if small. I think that would impress the shit out of me. I always said I'd marry the person I gardened with.

[Rivkeh]

....well,
how do I like to be treated on a date? I'm kind of old fashioned in some ways for instance I like doors being opened for me, and respect is very important, respect for my opinions and general respect. Listening--two way conversations are very attractive, and is care with appearance. Money spent, to me is not so much the issue, it is more about attention to details in a thoughtful way. Of course this is going to be different for everyone, these are just my preferences,
best wishes,
Riv

[bigbutchmistie]

Ive had dates with femmes that I have pulled out all the bells and whistles, and I have had dates that was just a simple walk in the park.

For me as a butch I love taking femmes on a simple date. Just a picnic lunch in the botanical gardens, or sitting on the shores of the lake looking up at the stars. So many different things. Its during those tiimes that you really get to know one another.

Give me a femme that likes those kinds of dates :)

[julieisafemme]

Great thread Drew. I think I will answer as a woman or just a person and not a femme if that is ok. Eveyone is so different!

My preferences are definitely gendered though. I want to be asked out. I am old fashioned that way.

My first date with Greyson was exactly how I like it. The three things that are important to me are:

Make your intentions clear
Listen and act accordingly
None of the typical courting games

Grey and I met at a dance. We talked a lot that night and he listened carefully. The next morning I had an e-mail from him asking me out. He made it clear it was a date. I had told him how important my faith was to me and he got tickets to a Jewish music festival. He took me to sushi which he knew I loved. I don't want a fancy dinner on a first date!! I was so nervous I barely ate anything!!

He took me home and we talked and he was honest with me about his intentions and made it clear what he wanted. I really appreciated that.

He called me the next day and every day thereafter!! No games. No wondering. Just clear consistent communication.

As far as the gifts go I would not like to receive a gift from someone until we were pretty far along. Gifts are very personal. But!!! As someone else mentioned don't show up empty handed if you are invited to someone's home for dinner.

[Invictus]

Ladies, if I may...

A gentleman is a gentleman is a gentleman.

If one may assume, that the "first date" is not the first meeting, then letting the gentleman plan the date without any consideration is less than acceptable. As I may only speak for myself, a "first date" may include dinner and a show. I live in Las Vegas. I would need to take into consideration the lady's preference before planning where to dine, and shows that she may have already attended, show she would care to see, and shows she has no desire to see. Nothing will ruin an evening more than when presenting the tickets than hearing, "Yes, this is a wonderful production, I saw it last week!"

Please do not race me to the door, I will open them for you. Allow me to be the gentleman that I am.

Please conduct yourself like a lady, which should go without being said, but included due to past dating disasters.

One never gets a second chance to make a good impression on a first date.

[Mister Bent]

My favorite date includes a tour of the Lower East Side's finest graffiti and sex in the back of cab.

[BullDog]

I once dated a femme that I first met through an online classified site. We corresponded for a bit. There was a femme tea happening and I told her about it and she decided she wanted to go so I got her in touch with a femme friend. Some of us butches went out somewhere and then all of us met at First Thursday (art galleries open up for public viewing) to look at the art.

That night she asked if I wanted to date her. I was so happy! :D. She was a native Portlander and I was still relatively new to the city, so she often did suggest things and showed me lots of things in Portland. It was fun.

I do like to ask a femme out and to plan a date, but I certainly don't mind being the one asked either.

[hpychick]

Treat me with respect in all ways, just as I would treat the other person.

[Nina]

I consider myself a Lady...I use my own definition of that word, as I do many words...I am unsure I could meet, or want to meet, a definition which included the rejoinder that I "conduct yourself like a lady"...that to Me, and this is all a me-me-me commentary, feels more like being spoken to like a petulant, misbehaving little-girl...

since I Am a Lady I really don't need to be told how to conduct myself...

I will assume that my interpretation of the comment is wrong and chalk it up to my intrinsic problems understanding the sophisticated and complicated courting rituals shared between gentlemen and ladies...

I do SO love NinaLand where all things make sense to me :)






Ladies, if I may...

A gentleman is a gentleman is a gentleman.

Please conduct yourself like a lady, which should go without being said, but included due to past dating disasters.

One never gets a second chance to make a good impression on a first date.

[Soon]

I liked that Invi would take into consideration the woman's preferences in the planning of a date.

Invi,

I do take issues (as you can tell I am sure, so do others) with the whole, "Please conduct yourself as ladies" comment.

Perhaps you will clarify what you meant as it is a bit archaic and belittling.

[Softly]

1st date (couple years ago) ended with me taking my pants off and asking her to watch me.

she fell in love and stuck around.

I am SUCH a lady.
:cigar2:

(I was informed that I scared the hell out of her that night, but not that much apparently)

FOR ME - there are no rules.
Just have fun and do what you want to do.
The best way to get to know someone is to be yourself.

oh - do not get me flowers. I have allergy triggered asthma and will be busting out my inhaler and THAT is not too sexy :|

[Invictus]

I deeply regret any remarks that may have offended anyone in any way, that certainly was not my intent.

Perhaps I should have provided some of the more noteworthy disasters...

The dinner plate is not meant to serve as storage for chewing gum, which by the way was "re-used", also, it is not an ashtray.

Flatulence has zero entertainment value, I will not pull your finger, no matter how loud you ask at dinner.

I am glad that you are proud that you can "burp the alphabet", I believe you, there is no need to prove it.

Public casual dining does not include Miller Beer pajama bottoms and a Winni the Pooh night shirt.

Again, I regret having offended anyone.

[dixie]

I don't require extensive or expensive dates. I'm a casual kinda girl. Yes, fancy restaurants/theatre/etc are fine for special occasions, but I prefer the more simple things. Picnics in the park, hiking to a waterfall, touring a museum, strolling thru the historic district...those are much more my style. Hell, take me bowling or playing miniature golf, both of which are great for laughing and enjoying a more playful time together. Any date is perfect if I am enjoying the company, no matter the location or expense of the date. Also, don't bring me flowers. For the most part, I hate flowers. If you want to give me a gift, pick something thoughtful that reminded you of me (if you know me well enough). Truth of the matter though, I don't need nor want gifts. All I'm interested in is enjoying your company.

[princessbelle]

Oh Dixie that reminds me. One of the best dates i was ever on was a picnic with a blanket and a fire and soft music and it was in her living room. Wow how special is that. Took so much effort and forethought. I felt like a true princess.

It really takes so little to bring that wonderful feeling of being special in someone's eyes. No feeling in the world like being someone's everything, even if it is just for a couple hours.

[Greco]

Invictus,

I've been considering beginning to date, and this just gave me chills, and not in a good way.

Ladies, this was not an attempt to derail this thread, just had to respond to this post.

Greco


I deeply regret any remarks that may have offended anyone in any way, that certainly was not my intent.

Perhaps I should have provided some of the more noteworthy disasters...

The dinner plate is not meant to serve as storage for chewing gum, which by the way was "re-used", also, it is not an ashtray.

Flatulence has zero entertainment value, I will not pull your finger, no matter how loud you ask at dinner.

I am glad that you are proud that you can "burp the alphabet", I believe you, there is no need to prove it.

Public casual dining does not include Miller Beer pajama bottoms and a Winni the Pooh night shirt.

Again, I regret having offended anyone.

[blush]

Invictus, I appreciate you coming in and clarifying your comment. Your examples sound like horrible behavior, whether butch or femme. It makes me twitch when a butch insists on how femmes should act, especially in a thread for femmes.

I deeply regret any remarks that may have offended anyone in any way, that certainly was not my intent.

Perhaps I should have provided some of the more noteworthy disasters...

The dinner plate is not meant to serve as storage for chewing gum, which by the way was "re-used", also, it is not an ashtray.

Flatulence has zero entertainment value, I will not pull your finger, no matter how loud you ask at dinner.

I am glad that you are proud that you can "burp the alphabet", I believe you, there is no need to prove it.

Public casual dining does not include Miller Beer pajama bottoms and a Winni the Pooh night shirt.

Again, I regret having offended anyone.

[Lynn]

For this femme, were I dating: act like an adult and treat me like one. If the door presents itself to be held, go ahead and hold it, but don't fall over yourself for the sake of chivalry. To me, that would be contrived. I might hold the door for you, too, if it seems right. More importantly, listen well, communicate openly, and show that you care. Flowers are OK, but eye contact is even better. Don't put too many obstacles in front of actually meeting and spending real time together (vs. texting, chatting, email).

[betenoire]

if i get to the door first (and I always get to the door before Nick because I am taller than Nick is and by extension of that walk faster) I get to open it for myself.

door opening is okay, i guess, but unnecessary. and in situations where there are two sets of doors (which there often are when entering a restaurant) the "holding the door dance" is incredibly awkward.

must I REALLY stand there inside of the first door while you scurry toward the second door to get that one as well? how incredibly tedious and time-wastey!

I don't mind car doors held for me when I am getting IN the car, but when getting out it's just obnoxious. I don't want to just sit there waiting for you to run around to my side of the car to release this poor simple bird from her four-wheeled cage. Jesus, we could be halfway to our destination if I didn't have to sit around waiting for you!

[atomiczombie]

Femmes, all your answers are great and exactly what I was looking for. Thank you so much for your honesty and openness! It certainly drives home for me just how diverse all you femmes are, not that I didn't know that before, hehe. Being a good listener is something that I keep thinking about as I read the various posts, that and being respectful (both of which are a given, as far as I am concerned).

To all the non-femme-identified persons who have posted here about their wants and needs on a date: I am, as the OP, asking that you all let this thread be just for the femmes. Another thread or 2 can be started for butches and trans guys and others to say what they like on a date. I put this in the femme zone because I wanted the femmes to have the exclusive voice here.

Again, all you beautiful, amazing femmes, a big THANK YOU to you all! Please feel free to keep sharing. I am learning a lot!! :D

[tantalizingfemme]

Please do:

Keep it casual
Be respectful
Ask questions you want ME to answer
Be honest

Please don't:

Treat me like a delicate flower
Assume you know what I like, what I want
Bring me a gift
Brag about how chivalrous you are
Not let me get the door, buy a drink
Take me to a movie or show... If this is a new dating situation I am still deciding whether this may have potential as you should be, and I don't want the bulk of the time not interacting.
Ask me a question because your really dying to tell me what you think
Don't go overboard. Someone who is trying too hard makes me feel icky and there will not be another date. Same with the gifts... I don't want to feel like I have to owe anyone.

For me, someone who is secure in themselves does not have to bring pomp and circumstance to every date. If I feel that someone is always trying too hard, it feels desperate and that is unattractive.

Obviously, I am out of the dating pool, but when I was still doggy paddling, I appreciated simple things... you can't go wrong with that.

[swan]

Dear Butches,

I have to be honest. I am a very socially inept femme. I also tend to be rather shy in person, klutzy and am prone to say the stupidest things when I'm nervous. Basically, I'm a geek so I tend to act like a real dork on a first date. Or ten.

While appreciate that many Butches like to take a girl out for a fancy dinner on a first date, I'm already nervous and afraid. I'm not comfortable with formalish dinners when I'm out with someone I've known for years or years and honestly, I'd be so intimidated that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on you. So may I suggest dinners at Chez Snooty wait for later in the relationship.

I like a nice, casual dinner for a first date, where the food is good and local, and the dress is nicer than usual, but you don't have to wear heels and sparklies. That way, I can concentrate on you. Please order first, so that I can have a guideline as per finances. I will probably choose something a little less expensive than yourself. Just go with it please. If you want to order for me, that's fine, but ask me what I want first. Then you can be all suave and debonair and say "and the lady will have..." If you don't want, that's cool too.

I can't dance. I'm not kidding. I never learned to dance with another person, girls just don't do that in my culture. (No, I didn't go to prom.) If we go somewhere to dance, I'd prefer a smaller venue than a big club. I'm not big on going to movies on first dates because again, I'm there for you. Not for the latest blockbuster.

The best first dates that I've had have been totally non-traditional. One nice Butch told me to bring my camera and jacket and wear comfortable shoes. She took me to a State Park where we rode the tram to the top, and walked backed down, taking pictures, looking for wild life and flowers and talking. She provided the munchies, and the bottle water. On our next date, I took her to the Botanical Gardens, where I bought lunch at the cafe after we spent a few hours in the butterfly aviary. Sometimes it's my turn to "host" the date, and my turn to pay. Another Butch got passes to an art museum that I'd never be brave enough to go to myself. It was awesome.

I like a well dressed Butch with good hygiene, but note that well-dressed doesn't equal "lookee at all my designer duds!". Be neat, be clean, be tidy. I absolutely will NOT ever buy any clothing with a huge designer label. I don't care about Coach bags. Tommy Hilfiger puts his initials on everything. I don't wear their clothes. Or any other label that well, labells their clothing. So flashing a label is not gonna impress me. I'm a pain that way.

I'm okay with a goodnight kiss. I don't like kissing on my front porch though. Inviting you in for a bit on a first date does not mean it's time for awesome sex! It means that the date went well, I'm not ready to say goodnight yet, and while there's definately a goodnight kiss in store, I'm probably not going to want to neck on the sofa for an hour. I just don't do that.

I will generally tell my close friends and relatives that I'm going on a date and my ringer will be turned off. They will not call me unless it's an emergency. Please have the same respect for me. Be nice to the waiters and servers. Don't be stingy with the tip. Also, if I act like a real dork, please remember that I'm nervous and maybe give me another chance.

Um, I think that's all for now... I'll probably think of more to add later. I hope no-one's offended. I didn't mean to be rude, I was just giving this femme's opinion.

[Star Anise]

I deeply regret any remarks that may have offended anyone in any way, that certainly was not my intent.

Perhaps I should have provided some of the more noteworthy disasters...

The dinner plate is not meant to serve as storage for chewing gum, which by the way was "re-used", also, it is not an ashtray.

Flatulence has zero entertainment value, I will not pull your finger, no matter how loud you ask at dinner.

I am glad that you are proud that you can "burp the alphabet", I believe you, there is no need to prove it.

Public casual dining does not include Miller Beer pajama bottoms and a Winni the Pooh night shirt.

Again, I regret having offended anyone.

Who the bloody hell have you been dating???? :|

[imperfect_cupcake]

Flatulence has zero entertainment value, I will not pull your finger, no matter how loud you ask at dinner.

I am glad that you are proud that you can "burp the alphabet", I believe you, there is no need to prove it.

Who the bloody hell have you been dating????


possibly someone like me. It's a good thing there's a match for everyone. Inks and I fart loudy and laugh. belch and laugh. fart on each other's legs in bed to get revenge. And when were first dating she said "oh I can't take you hand, " as I was reaching for it "I've got snot on it." and then wiped it on some grass.

But that's inki. and I love her for all of it. she's actually incredibly charming otherwise she couldn't get away with all of the above.

<--- femme that smokes, farts, belches and swears like fuck.

that's not to everyone's taste. but vive la differance and there a pepper to everyone's salt shaker.


edit to add: just an FYI, some of the girls said "be a gentleman" so I don't think there's anything wrong with a similar request from someone else. Perhaps wrong thread, but the request was not outta line, imo.

[steel_magnolia]

Best part about a great date is the offer of a second.

I totally agree here! And down with the "3 Day Rule"! Who comes up with that? If you want to see me again, at least text. If I want to see you again I'll be waiting. Strike while the iron is hot, I say!

[msW8ing]

I deeply regret any remarks that may have offended anyone in any way, that certainly was not my intent.


IMHO I wasn't offended. It was the same as me asking for you to act as a gentleman. We all have our preferences and thats what makes life interesting to me. Personally I'm appauled to see how some people act and are completely mannerless(if thats a word) and tactless. Now and days one cannot just assume thier date will have manners or tact. I've had similiar nightmare dates. Just my .02 cents.

[*Anya*]

Many of us growing up had that shit drilled into our heads: girls have to wear dresses-not pants; cover your knees; sit up straight; act with decorum at all times (no laughing too loud, only lady-like giggles allowed), etc. It is a button-pusher for me, to be told to act like a lady whatever the heck that means!

Using good manners, well that is another thing. Anyone with manners doesn't belch or worse on a date with someone you are not intimately involved with already! I used to read Miss Manners regularly & know to act appropriately on a date or whatever social situation I am in.

How to be treated on a date: use human good manners (Applies to all genders); don't get drunk- more than one or two (tops) glasses of wine/beer on a date or I am going to worry you need to be in recovery. Don't whip out a joint and tell me how much you love pot (see glass of wine above) or pills, or whatever your drug if choice is.

Just common courtesy, that's all for all of us, how about that?

[Martina]

Because people exchange versions of their life stories on these things, i have had folks expect me to relate my sexual history to them. They casually will ask me about long term relationships etc. i can see why someone might want to know that info before they get too involved with someone, but it's not info that people are entitled to. i am so shocked when i get these questions. i deflect them semi-politely, and the sensible date will get the point.

[girl_dee]

I've been thinking about this thread, and even though it's fluff there is so much to learning about people based on dates.

I saw a show once where they did *productive* dating.. the couples that were unadvised shared small talk, sillyness and basic awkwardness around each other, basically at the end of the night knew nothing much about each other.

The couples that were advised had a much more *productive * date. There were advised to ask real questions around conversations that most would never ask normally. For instance, religion, politics, family, children. If one of the couple never ever wants kids and you do, why would you want to have a second date if you are looking for a future?

I guess it all depends on what you are looking for.

[atomiczombie]

I've been thinking about this thread, and even though it's fluff there is so much to learning about people based on dates.

I actually don't consider this a fluff thread. I put it in the femme zone and not the "fluffy stuff" because I do take this seriously. What femmes want is important to me, and imho, it should be to anyone who wants to date a femme.

[atomiczombie]

Many of us growing up had that shit drilled into our heads: girls have to wear dresses-not pants; cover your knees; sit up straight; act with decorum at all times (no laughing too loud, only lady-like giggles allowed), etc. It is a button-pusher for me, to be told to act like a lady whatever the heck that means!

Using good manners, well that is another thing. Anyone with manners doesn't belch or worse on a date with someone you are not intimately involved with already! I used to read Miss Manners regularly & know to act appropriately on a date or whatever social situation I am in.

How to be treated on a date: use human good manners (Applies to all genders); don't get drunk- more than one or two (tops) glasses of wine/beer on a date or I am going to worry you need to be in recovery. Don't whip out a joint and tell me how much you love pot (see glass of wine above) or pills, or whatever your drug if choice is.

Just common courtesy, that's all for all of us, how about that?

I think for me there is a big difference between expecting someone to act like a lady, and treating that person like a lady. Good manners for me mean trying to make someone feel as comfortable as possible, and show appreciation. If I open a door for you, it is not because I don't think you are perfectly capable of doing so yourself; I do it to show my appreciation and respect. :)

[Apocalipstic]

I am not a lady but I can play one if needed. lol. Please just be yourself on a date. Yes, I know how to act no matter what the situation, but would rather relax and get to know you.

Please do not bring flowers on a first date. Yes I adore flowers, but they will scare me off. Wait for a couple of dates at least please. Cool is key. lol.

If you must text or use cell phone, make it quick.

Please do pull out a joint, I will be pleased as punch!

Please be clean.

A good hair cut or style is always appreciated.

I do enjoy nice manners and a smile. :) But remember I would way rather fuck in the back of a cab than be treated like your grandmother. ;)

I do enjoy shows, dinner, symphony etc, but I enjoy hanging out just as much.

As far as money? I don't care about it...I can make my own. If you think your car is too dirty, we can take mine.

Dating need not be expensive! It should be fun and easy! :)

Oh and don't play too hard to get, if you want to be gotten.

Respect me as a person, not as a Femme.

and

No games please. I bore with them easily.

(All of this applies no matter who does the asking out and paying)

[gaea]

I do enjoy nice manners and a smile. :) But remember I would way rather fuck in the back of a cab than be treated like your grandmother. ;)




i love this...:)

[swan]

I'm okay with a goodnight kiss. I don't like kissing on my front porch though. Inviting you in for a bit on a first date does not mean it's time for awesome sex! It means that the date went well, I'm not ready to say goodnight yet, and while there's definately a goodnight kiss in store, I'm probably not going to want to neck on the sofa for an hour. I just don't do that.


I'm quoting myself to elaborate... Neckin' on the sofa may well occur on later dates! It's just not a first date thing for me. ;)

[Miss Scarlett]

i'm an OFOS femme - i love having doors opened for me, being helped with my coat, etc. Good manners are just so attractive...and, sadly, are becoming rare.

As for the date itself, don't rush things. Take the time to get to know each other. The very best dates are the ones where you lose track of time because you are completely lost in laughter and conversation...

[IrishGrrl]

The same way I'd like to be treated for the rest of the relationship!

Appreciated, seen, honored, worshiped.

[Apocalipstic]

So Atomic...clear as mud...lol.

Femmes are just people and we all like different things.

Maybe ask a woman you are talking to what she likes on a date? :) If it's hella expensive...skip her and try someone else...lol.

Seriously, I hope you can see that there are so many options for dates and getting to know women that do not include spending a ton of cash. :)

[Quintease]

When I first started dating the bf, we did inexpensive things involving him messing up the kitchen and us messing up his bed sheets.

Later when it got more romantic, he paid for everything but you know, he didn't need to. I would have been happy to have paid my own way. What I really appreciated was that he cared. He smiled when I smiled, laughed when I laughed, listened when I spoke, held my hand during dinner, always said yes to dessert, seemed so pleased to be there every time we met, and every time we parted could never wait to see me again.

I barely remember our dates, all I remember was him and how lovely he was.

[Apocalipstic]

When I first started dating the bf, we did inexpensive things involving him messing up the kitchen and us messing up his bed sheets.

Later when it got more romantic, he paid for everything but you know, he didn't need to. I would have been happy to have paid my own way. What I really appreciated was that he cared. He smiled when I smiled, laughed when I laughed, listened when I spoke, held my hand during dinner, always said yes to dessert, seemed so pleased to be there every time we met, and every time we parted could never wait to see me again.

I barely remember our dates, all I remember was him and how lovely he was.

What a perfect answer.

[apretty]

like you found me on grindr (within 15 feet).

[Tangle]

I want to be made to feel very comfortable and appreciated... I love seeing my date's eyes sparkle with amusement or intrigue when I'm goofy or witty or audacious or sexy.

I really want to know that my date is interested in me, and also that s/he is confident in what s/he brings to the table. Delicious conversation is a must. When I ask you what you're thinking, tell me - even if it is silly. Ask me what I'm thinking, or my thoughts about a certain subject, or my response to an experience we've shared. I want you to want to get to know *me,* because I wouldn't have accepted your offer if I weren't interested in the real you.

I want to have my femininity cherished but not treated as fragile. I love chivalry, but only when it is a natural expression of your desire to take care of me and treat me respectfully. Oh, and I want the chivalry to come from an assured, masculine adult - not a sweaty-palmed teenager. Nervous can be cute for a while, but a lack of confidence is not.

I want a simple activity with talking - picnics, cooking together, the aquarium, a movie at home, dancing after a meal (or a dance lesson!), listening to favorite CD's in the car with the seats leaning back... they all allow us both to be comfortable and really talk, touch each other and be affectionate, flirt and be playful, and there's an attached activity to prevent awkwardness if the conversation is occasionally a little slow or i need to blush. lol.

There's so much that goes into an amazing date, but the funny part of it is that it requires simply opening yourself up, paying attention, offering something in return, being appreciative, and allowing yourself to have a lot of fun. ...and good, good kissing. *giggle*

[msW8ing]

It really was never specified if it was a first date, or with someone familiar. So assuming it is a first date and were meeting for a first encounter, then...for me personally..I prefer to meet for coffee nothing to fancy to see if there is indeed chemistry without any expectations, no pressure, no promises. If there is no romantic chemistry then at the least I've made a new friend. My bestest friend of my life was a "first date" with no romantic connection. One never knows just where the forks in the road will lead us.

[imperfect_cupcake]

So assuming it is a first date and were meeting for a first encounter, then...for me personally..I prefer to meet for coffee nothing to fancy to see if there is indeed chemistry without any expectations, no pressure, no promises.

yes. If I haven't met them before at an event or a party or a night out, and it's been off a forum, for the last few year before I met the wife I had "pre-dates" where I'd just ask someone out for a beer/coffee as a friend to see what kind of chemistry there was and how the conversation flowed and how natural we were with each other (I give an hour at the beginning to get over nerves - if they are so nervous it takes three dates to get over nerves, then were really aren't for each other).

I made a great friend though one of them! She still flirted with me a bit through out the friendship but in a very charming way which felt nice.

[VintageFemme]

like you were dating kate middleton

[ruffryder]

I recently went on a date with a great sweet beautiful gal. The best part of it was just talking, getting to know each other, and being silly. We had dinner, talked, smiled, lots of flirts and laughs. We went to a park, got on big swings and stared at the stars. I pushed her on the swing, she giggled wanted higher and loved it. lol It was so much fun. It had been awhile since I was on a date. I enjoyed it and her company a lot. (:

[The cute widdle wesbian]

I tend not to absolutely pamper a girl on the first date because I don't have all the green in the world to throw around on someone who I'm not 100% positive I'll be with for more than a week. That doesn't mean I'm picking her up in a muddy white pickup truck in dirty clothes with no smellgood stuff on and taking her down to Micky D's. Just means I don't plan on fine dining. I like to start out a relationship with a good first impression of me myself and I, not me myself and I's money. I've come across a few femmes who insist on being spoiled within the first week of dating, and when I don't I'm called "cheap" or "a jerk".

That being said though, I know first hand that not all femmes are like that, and maybe a few butches are like that. But the ones I go for are a little more down to earth. Despite who I'm dating though, I'm always the same. First date: A nice, clean pair of jeans and a ironed shirt, maybe I'll lose the hat, clean white teeth and brushed out good smelling hair. Tennies or nice boots and maybe a little blingbling, but nothing flashy whatsoever; I don't even own anything that flashy. lol

We'll do something fun but simple and maybe old fashion like a dinner and movie or something similar, I like KISS: keep it simple stupid. If she don't like it, I'll drop her. Whatever. My wify loves my simpleton personality lol, she's pretty down to earth and laid back too and that's always been the girl I go for. I don't like girls who act like brats, either act your age or get out of my car. :D

[tantalizingfemme]

To all the non-femme-identified persons who have posted here about their wants and needs on a date: I am, as the OP, asking that you all let this thread be just for the femmes. Another thread or 2 can be started for butches and trans guys and others to say what they like on a date. I put this in the femme zone because I wanted the femmes to have the exclusive voice here.

Again, all you beautiful, amazing femmes, a big THANK YOU to you all! Please feel free to keep sharing. I am learning a lot!! :D

Is the floor open to everyone now?

Thanks

[*Anya*]

Is the floor open to everyone now?

Thanks

Thanks sister femme-I was wondering about that myself!

[atomiczombie]

Is the floor open to everyone now?

Thanks

Nope. Please folks, this is for femmes only. Thx.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

I like to keep it simple and intimate...I want to be able to hold a conversation, laugh, and be silly. Perhaps making a gesture that shows you listen to what I tell you and actually remember. For example, I dont like roses..T will bring/send edible arrangements or a beautiful assortment of flowers. Make me feel like I am the only woman in the room....It is definately not about the money you spend. I am happy watching a beautiful sunset in good company. Be thoughtful and be yourself (that usually sets my nerves at ease)....Be spontaneous :) I love moments of randomness...jut go with it! Not everything needs a plan!

T does a great job with all of this :) The best part is that it is effortless. Sometimes people just fit like perfect puzzle pieces :)

[EmpressM]

If it is a first date or within the first few dates, I really enjoy it when the date reflects the personality of the person that requested my company. It gives me an idea of what you are really like. I don't need to be impressed. I'd rather get to know the real you, not see the show. Personally, I will not accept a blind date. Call and chat with me on the phone and discover some of my likes and interests. Plan a date we will both enjoy and most importantly although cliché, be yourself!

One of my biggest turn offs is when a potential suitor assumes that I fit a mold of likes/dislikes because of the way I look, dress, the car I drive, my job, etc. Some of the worst dates I've been on have been planned around my date's assumptions of me. What they didn't know is everything they assumed about me is A. Dead Wrong and B. Because I've worked for it. I may an old school stomefemme and spend 98% of my life in skirts, heels, and lipstick, but I grew up in the Texas dirt. I still love camping, (yes in a tent) fishing, and I can tack and ride a horse. I also have a range of geeky interests including video games, Doctor Who, and all things Star Trek.

The best date I've ever been on, I walked out to my car after work and under my windshield wiper was a small bouquet of daisies and a note with a clue. The note read "For a sweet treat to beat the heat, meet me on 7th street! ~J" Well, J had taken the time to know that I adore little gestures, surprises, and ice cream, not to mention my crazy schedule. The clue was a dead giveaway of where I was supposed to meet hym based on a conversation about our mutual love of ice cream a few days earlier.

Needless to say, I met J for a treat that evening. Hy dressed casually in shorts and a ball cap, hy was clean, smelled nice, and was chivalrous. We got ice cream cones and took a walk arm in arm looking in the shop windows, chatting and laughing the whole time. We ended up at a fountain in front of the courthouse and made penny wishes. It was all very sweet and lovely, but the things I remember most is how special hy made me feel with hys attentiveness, how much hy made me laugh, and how natural it felt to be with hym. No flash, ALL substance, and very romantic! :D It was the beginning of many more dates to come.

Perhaps for me, actions really do speak louder than anything else.

[pinkajl]

For me, how you ask me on a date is directly related to whether or not we will have a first date. Do not give me your phone number and ask *me* to call *you*. It won't happen. Do not ask, "Don't you think it would be nice to go out one night?" The answer will be, "No".

If you want to date me and I haven't necessarily encouraged your attention, then it is your job to show me why I should make time for you - because I don't date everyone who asks. I am attracted to butches, in part, for the level of self-confidence they possess to be true to who they are in the face of the world. Please, let's begin this dance with a show of self-confidence in the way that you approach me.

If we haven't talked much in the past, inquire a bit to find out a few things about my likes and preferences and then plan something nice. Simple is fine. Fancy is fine. What matters most is that you demonstrate that you've listened to me and have put some thought into what you believe is a nice outing. If you can't come up with one idea for what we can do together, then we won't be going out on a date.

Neat and clean is essential. When you come to pick me up, I will not come to you if you honk the horn. As a matter of fact, I will not even open the door to let you know I've heard. You are welcome to bring me flowers, but roses are not an appropriate first date gift, in my opinion. For that matter, no "gift" is really appropriate on a first date, beyond flowers or a bottle of wine. I cannot be bought.

I expect help with my jacket, my doors to be opened, and my chair to be pulled out. When I used to smoke, I expected my cigarettes to be lit - and, no, I will not lean into you. If we go out to supper, I will let you know what I would like to order and allow you to handle the conversation with the wait staff. And, since you asked me out on this first date, I do expect you to pay for the evening. Should we have another date and I ask you, then I will pay for that outing.

Conversation is extremely important. Yes, I do want to hear about you, your life, and what you do for work - but all in moderation, please. If I find something particularly intriguing, trust me, I will ask you lots of questions. At the same time, I appreciate your interest in me. Chances are, I don't know what exactly interests you, so help me out with some questions. But, as we talk on our first date, I truly have no interest in hearing about your last date or your ex. Although, those are okay topics on subsequent dates.

If you must keep your cell phone on buzz-mode because of work or kids, I understand and respect your need to see if you must excuse yourself for a short call. However, if you haven't mentioned this at the front end of our date, I will assume that I am boring you and will seek to end the date sooner rather than later.

Please do not presume that because you are paying that you have the privilege of touching me. As we walk, you're welcome to put out your arm and I very well may take it in mine. If you ask if you may hold my hand, the answer will likely be yes - unless you have bored me with your conversation or your manners are atrocious. As for a kiss at the end of the evening... If you don't ask, you will be left groping for air as I move swiftly inside my house. If you do ask, well, it will all depend upon whether or not I'm interested in a second date.

With all this said, should we have a first date, I would like for you to know that you will have my undivided attention. When you do me the courtesies of opening my door, etc, I will smile and look you in the eyes and say thank you. Should your tie be askew, I'll ask if I can straighten it for you. If I see your hair is out of place and it's clear you care about such things, I'll discreetly let you know so you can take care of it. Everyone in the room and on the street that we pass will know that I am proud and happy to be by the side of a handsome butch.

If necessary, I will accompany you to the restroom without your asking. Should someone make an unwanted remark about the b-f dynamic or your butchness without you being present, I will firmly assert myself and let them know it's none of their business. I will neither encourage nor accept attention from anyone else while we are on a date.

In short, I expect to be treated with respect for the femme that I am because I will treat you with the utmost of respect for the butch that you are.

Pink

[blush]

I've always considered a date to be a "social gift.". We obviously think enough of each other to spend time together. Since it is a compliment to be asked out, I don't impose strict expectations. If we don't mesh, we don't mesh. But impossible expectations can strangle a date.

[Starbuck]

[COLOR="Indigo"]Since I am in a relationship, I will approach this question from that angle. When we go out, I want her eyes on me, not on the televisions or on her phone, which I would prefer to be on vibrate (since she has kids, they can still reach her). I appreciate the door being opened for me and simple gestures of affection like touching my hand as she smiles. It took me by surprise the first few times she ordered for me but now I kind of expect it. I'll just tell her what I want and she tells the waiter what I want; I like it./COLOR]

[sweetiefemme]

I don't mind being treated, but it has to go both ways once in a while. I also don't mind a great homemade picnic down at a park or somewhere pretty, a walk along the river gives a great chance to talk and get to know one another.

[Library_girl]

I don't mind being treated, but it has to go both ways once in a while. I also don't mind a great homemade picnic down at a park or somewhere pretty, a walk along the river gives a great chance to talk and get to know one another.

I was talking to someone in the chat room the other night and I made the remark that I can't afford date anyone right now. The femme I was talking to asked me why I feel that it takes money, and for me it comes down to how I treat a femme on a date.

For *ME*, it takes money to date a femme properly. No, I would never take a femme to McDonald's for a date. I may not take her to the fanciest place for dinner, but it should be nice. 60$ is not an unreasonable amount to spend on a nice meal with a girl. Then there is all the grooming. A fresh haircut every 2 weeks; getting a car wash before each date because who wants to be picked up in a dirty car??; Having freshly cleaned and pressed clothes that are dress-casual to dressy. (Jeans are fine if you have a dress shirt and tie to go with them.) And, bring her a small gift with each date, usually flowers, but it could be something else that she likes, such as candy or something else. Buy her drinks if you are at a bar.

Things that don't cost money but are essential to me are: Be freshly showered before each date! Open every door for her; pull out her chair for her; allow her to order her food first; ask her first if you want to hold her hand or kiss her (that's just good manners). If you like how she looks or her smile or how she smells or the things that she says, or wears, then tell her. Let her talk about herself, and don't dominate the conversation with things about you. Don't use a lot of swear words. Don't talk about your exes!! Don't be in a rush to get into bed; try to get to know her, who she is and what she is like. Listen to her. Ask her what kind of things she enjoys doing, what kind of food she likes, etc. so if she agrees to another date, you can plan your next date around things she enjoys. Don't do the same thing every single date - try to plan a variety of activities. Thank her for spending time with you, and if you really like her and want to see her again, don't wait more than 2 days to call her. Don't call her the very next day, either. Give room, but not too much room. Don't blow up her phone with text messages either, but saying you had a good time is important.

The person I was discussing this with said she had never been treated this way on a date, and I was kind of surprised. She told me I should start a thread about dating, so here it is:

Femmes, how do you like to be treated on a date? I think all of us people on the masculine spectrum should know what you ladies would like and what you think is important. I know not all femmes are the same and like the exact same things, so having as much feed back as possible is really appreciated! Also, some feed back about what NOT to do would be helpful too! Stories about both good dates and bad ones are welcome! I personally would really like to know how to be a better date so that someday, if I ever can afford to date again, I can do it better. Thanks in advance!

Atomic.........First let me say, your ideas about dating sound wonderful! This femme thinks you are doing everything right. :) But I'll give you my insights! I went on a very nice date today, and here are some things that stood out. She opened the car door for me each time, then waited until I was "settled" in the car before closing the car door. (nice detail!!) She opened all of the other doors too. She paid, but I would have been happy to split since it was a first date. But she insisted, and I kind of liked that. During the date, there was constant eye contact, which is important. Excellent manners, such as not interrupting each other, good table manners, no cell phone, etc.--all very good! Also, affirmations or confirmations that the date is going well (if it is) are really appreciated, during the date. "This is fun", or "I'm having a great time", are wonderful to hear. Yes, the compliments are nice too! I never expect flowers or gifts, but I would love such a thing if it were done.

The definite DON'Ts are:
-using your cell phone (unless it's an understandable emergency)
-talking about exes extensively
-talking about one subject forever
-not focusing on your date
-checking your watch

As I said, I think you are doing everything right. Not all femmes are the same, but in my humble opinion, you are certainly on the right track. Paying attention to what the femme likes is so important and so considerate. When you do that, and pay attention to all the sweet little details....those are the things that make my heart go pitter-patter.

And on a final note, you are right, it does take some finances to date, but many women enjoy the free/cheap things in life too! Parks, museums, beaches, street fairs, etc. are all great things to do!

Good luck in your quest! (I think you'll be fabulous!)

[Venus007]

I like to be treated as someone who is valuable and to be reckoned with.
I want the person I am with to err on the side of manners and respectfulness. I want them to quote their sources and not shy away from deep conversation. If they are witty to boot, well that makes the evening all the better.

[Martina]

I want them to quote their sources and not shy away from deep conversation.

You discriminate against plagiarizers! And what about menopausal folks who can't recall their sources.

*shaking head*

[The_Lady_Snow]

On my first date with Ms i picked Her up from the airport, we didn't go to dinner, we didn't do any of the traditional things spoken of here. She led Our/our first date. She likes it that way.



Cause that's how I roll!!

I love dating, dating can lead to just a great night out, a good friend, a fast fuck or a relationship if that is what I choose to happen!!

That's the great thing about dating it can be spontaneous, planned, fun, fast, quiet, or POW!!!

McDonald's, an art gallery, the beach, a ride out to just anywhere as long as the intent is there to have a good time even if you find out that this will be an only one date thing.

Money is not necessary, good conversation a must!! Treat me like your equal and we'll be good unless I say otherwise!!! I also like to be on the same page that dating does not equate we are a couple, dating is simply that DATING.

My favorite dates, we and are middle of the week dates!!!

[Nat]

From my vague and blurry memories of dating:

Do not pause and wait for me to open the door for you. :) I often will open the door for you because i'm a chivalrous femme like that, but if I let you get to the door first and I'm all fancy for a date, I will act like I don't have arms if you pause and wait.

Brains and kindness are far more important to me than money.

Be yourself but be your best self. Don't try to be somebody else.

Do not defend strangers for flying the confederate flag. Do not say they aren't racist. Do not spend the rest of the night saying "I am not a racist - I hope you don't think that."

Please don't use the word "retarded" to criticize or make fun of people or ideas.

Inexpensive dates can be the most fun - but if you're paying and a waitperson is involved, please tip well. Cheaper food but better tip wins hands-down over expensive food and so-so tip. Also please treat anybody serving you like a human being whether it's at mcdonalds or fancyfrufru mcgees.

It's cute when it's obvious a person has put thought and creativity into planning a date - even though it's usually the awkward moments that make it obvious. It's also nice if a person can go with the flow and not be rigid about the plan.

Hanging out like friends would is often my favorite kind of date.

[MsTinkerbelly]

My first date with my Kasey was at Denny's...for those unaware, it is a chain restaurant just slightly better than Mc Donalds. She was just off a delayed flight from PA on business, and instead of the big plans she had made and since Denny's was right by a freeway, I suggested we meet there instead.

She was kind, considerate, and grateful that she didn't have to go through some long involved date while she was exhausted. She more than made up for that date the next time!

[WickedFemme]

Just have manners, be well groomed and please by all means put the damn cell phone away and don't text or talk about your ex's or any other gossip for that matter. Just be yourself and have a good time. the texting is such a pet peeve. I get so annoyed when I'm out for dinner with friends and they are texting. I'm sure it can wait - really.

I'm so glad I'm not dating and good luck!

[atomiczombie]

It's great to see this thread going again. :)

[betenoire]

This sounds pretty good to me

http://toronto.en.craigslist.ca/tor/stp/2582878028.html

Wanna Explore A Haunted Asylum? - m4w - 20 (Guildwood)
Date: 2011-09-05, 11:22AM EDT
Reply to:
Have you heard of the Guildwood Inn? If you have, there's a chance you know of it's paranormal background. If you haven't heard of it, it's been around since the early 1900s. It was used to treat ill soldiers in the mid 40s after World War II. The basement is where the mental patients were kept. Stories say that some unknowing souls are still wandering about down there..
This isn't for the faint of heart. Also, security patrols the perimeter of the now boarded up and abandoned institution. I'm looking to infiltrate it with a courageous girl who is alright with the idea of sneaking past security and breaking into a supposedly haunted house.
Doesn't have to be anytime soon; I would like enough time to get to develop a friendship first.

http://www.hauntingsresearch.org/Guild.html

[lettertodaddy]

I like chivalry. Open the door for me. You don't have to pull my chair out for me, but you get bonus points if you do.

Talk to me. If I wanted a monosyllabic troglodyte, I'd date a (male) hockey player. Talk to me about anything, from the fantastic to the mundane, from the sacred to the profane, but talk to me. I promise you I'm listening, and I promise you're not boring me.

Make eye contact once in awhile, especially if you see I'm having a hard time meeting your gaze. Let me know it's OK, that you think I'm OK. Or better than OK.

Be present. It's OK to check your phone or wristwatch for the time, but the time we spend together is a gift and an honor. Treat it as such.

Don't assume that my answer's going to be yes at the end of the night, regardless of whether it's our first date our our thirty-first.

I guess this means I'm high maintenance. :)

Touch my hand now and again when we're talking, or even if we aren't. If you're getting good signals from me, feel free to touch the small of my back when we're walking, or touch my knee when we're sitting next to each other. I'm shy, so whatever little signals you can throw my way to let me know you're interested, keep them coming.

[lettertodaddy]

p, I will not come to you if you honk the horn. As a matter of fact, I will not even open the door to let you know I've heard.

THIS. I think this is when I realized my ex and I were doomed to fail.

[Martina]

i think i've said this before, but don't pick me up and then go get gas and stop at the ATM. Do that stuff BEFORE.

Do know how to get where we're going if you are driving. Fine if you get lost or whatever, but at least have the directions.

Do not scare me with your driving.

Do not diss femmes. i have had this happen in the guise of "you are cool, unlike other femmes."

Be nice to service people.

Don't complain a lot or expect me to reassure you or do emotional care for you unless your mother has just died or something.

Do not posture too much. Rein it in some. i definitely do not want to hear about how you kicked someone's ass.

Do not expect me to share my life story on the first date.

Don't talk about the things that you own.

Do not tell me you like me because i am smart.

Laugh. Make me laugh.

By all means, show me your tatoos. ;)

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I’m old fashioned and do like to feel that my date’s attention is FULLY on me for the day/evening. Be well groomed, wearing clean, ironed clothes appropriately for the occasion – freshly showered and clean hand/nails. Turn your phone off. Make eye contact with me, smile and laugh to let me know you are enjoying yourself.

Walk to my door and knock, offering me your hand, then your arm as we walk to the car. Open the car door for me and help me into the car by offering your hand, again.

When walking somewhere, please, walk on the outside of the pavement offering me your arm. Open doors for me. Placing your hand on the small of my back when we’re walking. Help me off /on with my coat and pull out the chair for me to sit/stand. Be polite, have manners and be considerate me and other people. Be respectful of yourself and others.

I don’t expect or need the first date to cost a fortune – I appreciate it when my date has tailored the day/evening, taking the time, effort and thoughtfulness to plan something nice that we both will enjoy – something simple, yet, meaningful. The same with gifts – I hate to see flowers dying in a vase – take me to a park or public garden, even better are hand made gifts, a basket of fruit (I swear I was a Fruit Bat in a previous life, the amount I eat, lol!) a hand written poem composed by my date or some other thoughtful gift to my tastes – I love Museums, Art Galleries, even reading poetry to me by the river with a simple picnic will go a long way to winning my heart. I love Swans, it really twist my knickers when my date plans a date feeding them.

I love intelligent conversation, witty chatter and good conversation that flows easily – make me laugh without being crude (I’m by no means a prude, but, there is a time and place for that later). Get to know me – talk to me, let me talk to you. Be open and honest with me – if you don’t feel as though you want to see me again, say so, I won’t be offended unless you’re blatantly rude!

Pay me compliments if you genuinely mean them. Pay attention to the little things and details – I love he meaningful little things and details and surprised by the bigger ones.

Gently touch my hand, knee every now and then – body language says more than words. When wanting to hold hand, ask/offer me your hand and gently grip my hand in yours – please don’t squeeze my hand tightly, it makes me feel uncomfortable - I’m not going to run off unless my date is a complete Psycho. The first kiss, make it soft and tender – I’m not wanting my date to tickle my Tonsils until we are BOTH ready to take the relationship to the next level.

I like to plan a date(s) for my date, I can’t afford to spend a lot, yet, I do like to treat my date – offer suggestions, let me be creative and take the initiative occasionally. Let me spoil and pamper you.

Date me even when the relationship has moved to living together/marriage. Be a Gentle(Wo)man. I’m forever polite and thoughtful even when in a LTR.

I’m not saying "No Emotional Baggage"! How fair is that? If nothing has impacted upon us emotionally, then we’re either not human or have never loved and lived as we were meant to! It’s how the baggage is handled!

[Starbuck]

Open the door for me, both the car door and any other place that has a door; I love that!
Smell good, but don't put on so much that you could kill a small animal!
Make eye contact with me. It let's me know you hear what I am saying and that it matters to you.
If you're so inclined, you may order for me, it will not offend me, I rather like it when you take the lead.
I am an independent woman, do not be offended if I stand up for myself or us if the need arises.
Hold my hand or take my arm when we are walking, I love showing affection.
Watch baseball or football with me? That would be awesome!

[crashhere4eva]

Great input Ladies. I would love to have your input in my one boi one femme thread... please? Thank you ;) (f)

[Toughy]

When walking somewhere, please, walk on the outside of the pavement offering me your arm.

from my butch perspective....

In a big city, depending on the street and who is on it, I may indeed prefer to walk between you and the buildings, rather than you and the street. I have been known to switch sides as we walk down the sidewalk more than once depending on what is ahead...

This custom comes from muddy dirty streets where stuff gets splashed onto the sidewalk from street traffic. The idea is that 'ladies' should be protected from getting their clothes dirty.

[Nadeest]

Quote:
Originally Posted by atomiczombie View Post
I was talking to someone in the chat room the other night and I made the remark that I can't afford date anyone right now. The femme I was talking to asked me why I feel that it takes money, and for me it comes down to how I treat a femme on a date.

For *ME*, it takes money to date a femme properly. No, I would never take a femme to McDonald's for a date. I may not take her to the fanciest place for dinner, but it should be nice. 60$ is not an unreasonable amount to spend on a nice meal with a girl. Then there is all the grooming. A fresh haircut every 2 weeks; getting a car wash before each date because who wants to be picked up in a dirty car??; Having freshly cleaned and pressed clothes that are dress-casual to dressy. (Jeans are fine if you have a dress shirt and tie to go with them.) And, bring her a small gift with each date, usually flowers, but it could be something else that she likes, such as candy or something else. Buy her drinks if you are at a bar.

Things that don't cost money but are essential to me are: Be freshly showered before each date! Open every door for her; pull out her chair for her; allow her to order her food first; ask her first if you want to hold her hand or kiss her (that's just good manners). If you like how she looks or her smile or how she smells or the things that she says, or wears, then tell her. Let her talk about herself, and don't dominate the conversation with things about you. Don't use a lot of swear words. Don't talk about your exes!! Don't be in a rush to get into bed; try to get to know her, who she is and what she is like. Listen to her. Ask her what kind of things she enjoys doing, what kind of food she likes, etc. so if she agrees to another date, you can plan your next date around things she enjoys. Don't do the same thing every single date - try to plan a variety of activities. Thank her for spending time with you, and if you really like her and want to see her again, don't wait more than 2 days to call her. Don't call her the very next day, either. Give room, but not too much room. Don't blow up her phone with text messages either, but saying you had a good time is important.

The person I was discussing this with said she had never been treated this way on a date, and I was kind of surprised. She told me I should start a thread about dating, so here it is:

Femmes, how do you like to be treated on a date? I think all of us people on the masculine spectrum should know what you ladies would like and what you think is important. I know not all femmes are the same and like the exact same things, so having as much feed back as possible is really appreciated! Also, some feed back about what NOT to do would be helpful too! Stories about both good dates and bad ones are welcome! I personally would really like to know how to be a better date so that someday, if I ever can afford to date again, I can do it better. Thanks in advance!

Atomic, what you do sounds wonderful, but I don't really need my date to spend a lot of money on me. Just going to a museum and sitting down with a soda or some other drink can be a lot of fun. The last person that I dated had absolutely no money and had been unemployed for a long time. We went and did something minor for our first date and I really enjoyed our time together.

[DapperButch]

from my butch perspective....

In a big city, depending on the street and who is on it, I may indeed prefer to walk between you and the buildings, rather than you and the street. I have been known to switch sides as we walk down the sidewalk more than once depending on what is ahead...

This custom comes from muddy dirty streets where stuff gets splashed onto the sidewalk from street traffic. The idea is that 'ladies' should be protected from getting their clothes dirty.

Yes to shifting which side to walk on the sidewalk, depending upon what is ahead.

In addition to the splashing streets, wasn't the whole chamber pot being poured out of windows another reason for walking on the outside...more chance of it hitting the man since the woman could be tucked in closer to the buildings?

[SweetJane]

I agree with most every suggestion here. I'm old school and love the idea of courtship, really getting to know someone, taking that time. That is the dance that is the most delightful....even after you have been together for an eternity, make it feel as if it's for the first time.

Though I love to be pampered with a fine dinner and an evening of dancing or going to a concert or to the opera, I find the small no-cost or little cost dates sometimes are the best. A walk along a pond in a park, a free day at a museum, a hot dog at a street fair and then watching the sunset, a hike in the woods, a visit to some place special to my date that hy wants to share with me (a view from the top of a building or hys favorite taco place or the stoop where hy used to play on as a child). I love intelligent conversation and discussions about life and lessons learned. I love sharing a creative experience with someone.

But most of all, I want to see my date as a real human being, intense, laid back, excited, content, thoughtful, in awe.... and who is willing to share that realness with me.

And I in turn will share my realness with hym.

And yes I do enjoy affection, especially when it comes from the joy of the moment, of being together, not because it's a prelude to asking for something more intimate.

[BugsAndKisses]

I'm not into eating out, I would love someone who thought a really great date was a picnic on an airboat in the middle of the glades. I want to pick cattails and kiss hidden behind sawgrass. I want to be taken where the wild things are and um...be wild!<3

[ScandalAndy]

I still love this thread!!! Sorry for the derail, but how awesome that there are so many different opinions and excellent suggestions!

[atomiczombie]

I still love this thread!!! Sorry for the derail, but how awesome that there are so many different opinions and excellent suggestions!

Haha, that's no derail! And I feel the same way about this thread. Keep it up ladies, your responses are great!! :D

[Janny]

With impunity.

[betenoire]

You know what I always thought was fun? Meet me at the bar where some local band is playing and it's too loud for us to talk. Force your way up to the front line against the stage with me (I'm short and I'm rude, okay?) and bob alongside. Clumsily make out with me while we're waiting for my bus to arrive, then you go wait for your bus.

Actually, this one time someone got on my streetcar with me and took it to my place. Then she walked across the street to the stop for the streetcar going in the opposite direction and went home. I thought that was kinda rad.

[BugsAndKisses]

Don't pick me flowers, plant me a tree.
Don't buy me candy, comb me a sea shell
Geodes are forever.........

Shower me with autumn leaves and I may fall for you :)

[sleeplessdancer]

OMG there is still romance out there!

Finally somewhere that gets it!

For me, it's simple. If you want my attention, sweep me off my feet! You don't have to spend a ton of money because it's the little things that mean the most! Pay attention and pick up on the small clues and you'll know exactly what to do.

Grooming, that's a given! If we're going out, then I am going to take the time to look good... (I am a femme after all), and I expect you to do the same. Smell good too, but wear something that's subtle enough that draws me in.

Do I expect you to go have your car detailed, no, but I also don't want to contend with fast food bags and whatever else that you have in there either.

Flowers are always welcome.

Come to my door, don't pull up and honk, I'm not waiting for a taxi service.

Take me by the hand and walk me to the car, open the door. Treat me like a lady because I AM!

Plan out something that will be fun for both of us! That comes back to paying attention to those little clues. If I am going out with you, we A. have things in common, and B. I'm interested! Picnics are awesome, long walks are great, things that we can do where we can spend time talking and getting to know each other are awesome!

I'm comfortable with my sexuality but please don't assume that means that you can grope, touch, kiss, fondle, or anything else. Ask first! Extend your hand and let me decide.

If we go to a bar, I don't expect you to buy my drinks all night but I do expect you to offer. I also don't expect you to think that you can get me drunk and think you're going to take advantage.

When you take me home, open my door, take my hand and walk me to the door. You can kiss me good night, but I don't need a tonsilectomy, start soft and we'll see from there.

The bottom line, Romance me!!! Sweep me off my feet!!!

[firegal]

OMG there is still romance out there!

Finally somewhere that gets it!

For me, it's simple. If you want my attention, sweep me off my feet! You don't have to spend a ton of money because it's the little things that mean the most! Pay attention and pick up on the small clues and you'll know exactly what to do.

Grooming, that's a given! If we're going out, then I am going to take the time to look good... (I am a femme after all), and I expect you to do the same. Smell good too, but wear something that's subtle enough that draws me in.

Do I expect you to go have your car detailed, no, but I also don't want to contend with fast food bags and whatever else that you have in there either.

Flowers are always welcome.

Come to my door, don't pull up and honk, I'm not waiting for a taxi service.

Take me by the hand and walk me to the car, open the door. Treat me like a lady because I AM!

Plan out something that will be fun for both of us! That comes back to paying attention to those little clues. If I am going out with you, we A. have things in common, and B. I'm interested! Picnics are awesome, long walks are great, things that we can do where we can spend time talking and getting to know each other are awesome!

I'm comfortable with my sexuality but please don't assume that means that you can grope, touch, kiss, fondle, or anything else. Ask first! Extend your hand and let me decide.

If we go to a bar, I don't expect you to buy my drinks all night but I do expect you to offer. I also don't expect you to think that you can get me drunk and think you're going to take advantage.

When you take me home, open my door, take my hand and walk me to the door. You can kiss me good night, but I don't need a tonsilectomy, start soft and we'll see from there.

The bottom line, Romance me!!! Sweep me off my feet!!!

I,m thinking Id rather not hear your worse date story! :blink:

All the above are the basics in my book.

[MrSunshine]

Wha??? No tonsillectomy? :0

[gaea]

Wha??? No tonsillectomy? :0

snickers...

[morningstar55]

like a lady and with respect :)

[gaea]

treat me well and with respect like how you would want to be treated. talk with me as though its a fact i have a brain and not just a hope on your part that i do, chuckle when i order the most expensive thing on the menu, because I'm likely to, or if on a picnic i want my water right out of the bottle please no need for fancy cups. Have a conversation with me a meaningful one so that when the date ends there is no question that a second date will in fact happen, the world is a playground, lets play.

and please if you want my interest, do not lie to me..i pick up easily on that shit and i really dislike being lied to.

[Kent]

Bumping this one..

[Kenna]

On the way home, stop to pick me daffodils just to see me smile and show me your gentle, affectionate way.

[starryeyes]

Like a lady :) Nuff said.

[Lady Pamela]

I am sure that most of what I have to say, will have already been said.
But I also know, it doesn't hurt to reconfirm something so beautiful and sacred.

I am pretty much an old style femme when it comes to courting, dating and such. But I am an indapendant woman, who can think for myself, knows what I want and is willing to let it be known.

I love feeling special, romanced and looked after. Yet I am in no way one who needs to be directed. "Unless it fits the moment that is..smiles" However, if things go well and a connection happens, I also like to romance and make the person feel good and secure as well.

If someone chooses to get a gift for me, I would prefer something living like a plant that I can nurture. Or some lil gadget to remind me of the moment etc.
Or something that truely means something to me or between us.

I love honest open communication. But I need it to be done on a non brutal level. With compassion for each other.

I love nice places but I truely prefer a romantic get together...if that is a picnic,and nice place,etc. It doesn't matter to me the cost. So long as we both enjoy each other and make great memories together.

In short.

[ruby_woo]

I'll tell you how NOT to treat me:

Don't pick me up on a motorcycle with no advance warning so I'm inappropriately dressed, take me to a bar, and ignore me to watch tv. I will sneak out the back door, pick up a burrito, go home, and ignore your calls.

Actual date I went on about ten years, BTW.

Seriously, just pay attention to what I'm saying and make me belly laugh, and you're golden.

[Quintease]

Actually the above reminds me of a date I went on. Look, I know some people hate phones, but at the time I had a brand new mobile, flashing blue lights and one of the newest out at the time. Plus I was young, single and living in a pretty wild city, so yeah, I was on my phone a bit. That didn't stop us talking, having fun and drinking. Through it all she never said anything about the phone.

So we're somewhere and manage to convince a gorgeous gay male couple to play pool with us. We're getting all competitive and laughing and one of the boys tells us we're loads of fun, then out of the blue and in front of both boys (she actually made a point of saying 'I have something to say', so we were all listening), she tells me she doesn't like people using their phone around her. Both boys backed off in embarrassment and I was so shocked that for me, the date was over.

She tried to see me again after that, but I wasn't interested in seeing anyone who felt comfortable humiliating me in public just to get her point across. In fact I never spoke to her again.

[Martina]

i've said this before, but this gets my goat. Picking me up and THEN stopping at the ATM or for gas. Do that BEFORE you pick me up. Basic courtesy. i don't even do that to friends unless i get rushed or something. They don't need to sit through my errands.

Seriously, a butch picked me up once and did both -- got gas and went to the ATM. Then she got lost. Great preparation.

[SleepyButch]

i've said this before, but this gets my goat. Picking me up and THEN stopping at the ATM or for gas. Do that BEFORE you pick me up. Basic courtesy. i don't even do that to friends unless i get rushed or something. They don't need to sit through my errands.

Seriously, a butch picked me up once and did both -- got gas and went to the ATM. Then she got lost. Great preparation.

What the heck??? I think a Butch should get gas well before picking you up. Who wants to smell like gas when they want to get close to a femme??

[Little Fish]

i've said this before, but this gets my goat. Picking me up and THEN stopping at the ATM or for gas. Do that BEFORE you pick me up. Basic courtesy. i don't even do that to friends unless i get rushed or something. They don't need to sit through my errands.

Seriously, a butch picked me up once and did both -- got gas and went to the ATM. Then she got lost. Great preparation.
I agree with you and SleepyButch--total rookie.
Stick with the Varsity Butch team honey....

[KayCee]

Don't ever let me wait.....

[Nadeest]

Treat me like a lady, and remember, the small things count enormously with me, as I have seldom received them before. Money doesn't matter a whole lot to me. As far as i am concerned, we can have as good a time at a McDonalds as at a fancy restaurant, if we choose to do so.

[~ocean]

i think a first date should be a very impressive one ~ light at heart , fun, flitatious ,and most of all . well mannered on both parts. second date, now more familar with eachother, could be more romantic , still light at heart , interesting convos, with a flirtatious and teasing overtone . third date now u can tell me about urself, ur family, ur achievements ,it's sexy when self confidence becomes enpowering. fourth date .. ahh u will become aware of my submissive side, and I ur domiante side , suttle seduction on my part , ur awareness will show in ur eyes, maybe someplace quiet and out of the way , sex comes into play , built up passions , leaves me with something to think about till we see eachother again :)

[atomiczombie]

I love how this thread keeps popping up from time to time. I read every post and learn so much. I really appreciate all your responses ladies. :)

[SweetJane]

I think we've all had horror stories. Mine is I was asked to lunch when I was in town. Called to see where to meet and was told to the person's house. I spent all afternoon watching this person wash and comb out her three dogs.... Never saw her again......

So how do I want to be treated on a date?

I want the butch to show some interest. It doesn't have to be extravagant. Just show me that you want to know me.

Be on time or call if you'll be delayed.

Of course, open the door for me and make sure I'm safe inside your vehicle.

Treat me as the lady I am in public but don't be shy about holding my hand or putting an arm around me. Just don't be all over me. (That's more about you than about your interest in me.)

Talk to me. Ask me questions. Tell me about your life and your goals and dreams. Make me laugh with your quirky view of life or your curious observations, not stock jokes.

Look at me. Let me see you.

Be attentive to what I reveal about what I like to do that are things you enjoy or have wanted to do. Challenge me gently to try new things. Broaden my experience with your experience and I will do the same.

I enjoy conversation. Get to know me. What we do on our dates will come from our mutual interests or our willingness to dip into those activities we've never tried--but would have with a trusted friend. Let trust build.

Affection will spring from this.

[lusciouskiwi]

I'm trying to think if I've ever been on a date. I had one in Wellington - I was staying with my parents in a city about two hours north. Drove down to meet a dyke whom I'd been chatting with on pinksofa. She knew what I looked like, everything. I thought I looked nice - I made an effort. I was wearing knee-high black boots, black pants and a nice black jersey (sweater). Can't remember what make up I was wearing. This dyke was clearly not interested in me the minute she saw me and funnily enough some friends turned up not long after. I didn't even get much conversation or even an explanation. Put me off big age differences permanently.

I think, like most blossoms, it's not so much the place or the cost, it's the company and the attention. I'm not used to having the car door opened for me so that would probably tickle me pink. I wouldn't expect to go somewhere noisy and crowded unless we had our own little bubble - I don't want to have to yell and say "eh?" because I can't hear. I expect a two-sided conversation. I want to feel that you're interested in getting to know me. I appreciate humour and I appreciate insightful comments. I do like good food. But good food doesn't always have to be expensive. But I don't want McDs, KFC, etc. I'd like to go somewhere that either's special for both of us or, if things developed successfully, is a place that becomes a special part of our memories as a couple.

I expect you to dress nicely, to dress in such a way that I'm going to enjoy looking at you. Even if the date is a picnic on the beach I still expect you to make an effort in how you dress. I expect you to smell nice, I'd prefer no cologne to something cheap and nasty. I love perfume and cologne and I'm a bit fussy with that.

I don't want stale cigarette breath - I prefer non-smokers as a general rule anyways.

And I'd be quite happy if there was a little something something that I get to feel a bit of when you kiss me good night.

And if you're lucky, I might invite you over for breakfast the next morning ...

[alexri]

I have to say...I am horrified and disgusted by what some people have put you ladies through!

I feel like apologizing on behalf of the entire butch community.

[Ginger]

My first date with my current partner was in a Thai restaurant in the West Village. The food was awful, but I couldn't eat anyway; I was so excited to meet her, to see if she were real, the person who wrote the quietly thoughtful emails, who noticed things in my words and tone that others would have missed—a barely expressed hesitancy, a joy I was too shy to say outright.

I am usually the listener and seem to attract talkers, but she is also a listener, so it was good that we happened to pick a place that was quiet, where we drew each other out.

We were on our respective lunch hours, and sat by the front windows. It was December, very cold out, but the sun was warm, beating down on our table. It was so quiet you could hear our chop sticks, when we rested them on our plates. Afterwards, we walked to the subway and I impulsively hugged her.

That's all I ask for on a date, especially a first date: To be in a peaceful place, so we can focus on each other.

I don't want the heightened pressure of formality of a first date, I want to be in a casual setting that has some aesthetic appeal: sunlight, or gentle colors. This is even more important to me than the food.

Later, when we are feeling more of a bond, and our personalities have emerged more fully, I'm up for anything—a wild place, dancing, some kind of intense outdoor activity.

[Leigh]

I can't say that I've really been on many dates per say, but I have been on a few and I'm pretty confident in knowing what I like on dates (first or otherwise):

~ Manners are a good thing; please, thank you, opening doors for me and pulling out my chair (though the doors thing I like opening doors too)

~ Fun conversation, wherever we are whether its a coffee shop or restaurant I want things to flow as easily as they can

~ Getting to know one another; hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations, likes and dislikes

~ The willingness to really open our hearts and be ourselves

[LipstickLola]

I recently met someone with whom I'd been getting to know through email and text. First meeting was breakfast, casual, right? but, I still "primped" and dressed nicely, smelled good, etc lol. She? Was ten minutes late, in gym clothes (I have no problem with gym clothes really) and declared to me that she was NEVER on time unless it was work related. A complete turnoff, we no longer communicate......

Expectation too high? Didn't feel it to me, but maybe I'm too harsh....
Lola

[Martina]

I think we've all had horror stories. Mine is I was asked to lunch when I was in town. Called to see where to meet and was told to the person's house. I spent all afternoon watching this person wash and comb out her three dogs.... Never saw her again......



This is the kind of thing that makes me crazy. I had an afternoon first date with a butch who wanted to make a stop first. It was at a furniture store. She was picking out furniture to rent for a condo she was staging to sell. We were there maybe forty minutes. Then she talked about her ex during lunch and casually mentioned that the ex said that she -- the butch at lunch -- was sort of stalking her. No second date, of course.

I think disrespecting my time pisses me off more than anything. Rescheduling a lot, being really late, and, as I said in an earlier post, stopping at the gas station or ATM while with me, just doing anything to waste my time and bore me. I do not go into a first date expecting to meet my life partner. No high expectations. But if you waste my time, I am not going to give you any more of it.

[aishah]

things that are nice to have in a first date:
...let me know if you don't have money and want to do something inexpensive. i know what that's like. i never go on a date with someone unless i have a little bit of money - it's really nice if they pay, but i always make sure i can pay for myself in case they don't pay. i'm also used to doing inexpensive things...which leads me to...
...i prefer first dates with low pressure. meeting for coffee/tea is my favorite kind of first date.
...don't pressure me for physical contact. if we hit it off and there's chemistry, i might be open to touching/kissing. but touching/kissing/demanding i sit closer, etc. without consent makes me feel really unsafe unless we've been friends for awhile first.
...don't look at me weirdly if i ask you if i can hug/kiss you. it means i want to be close to you. take it as a compliment - and i won't be offended if you're not comfortable or want to say no.
...also don't look at me weirdly if i ask about how you identify or your pronouns - it just means i want to know who you are and be respectful instead of assuming things and possibly being wrong.
...i don't think it's necessary for you to open doors, bring me flowers, etc...but it's always appreciated :)
...it's nice to be around people who are considerate of my access needs...like, don't invite me to a place that has a huge ass flight of stairs. if you do that more than once we probably won't date for very long.
...it's also nice to be around people who think my quirkiness is cute :)

things i don't care about in a first date (or ever):
...how much money you have.
...what your car looks like.
...how expensive your clothes are - dressing nicely and having clean clothes is awesome (i'm a sucker for slacks or jeans and a button-down shirt). but i don't care if they came from goodwill, wal-mart, or a designer store.

things i really don't want in a first date:
...being asked out to places that are out of my way, or asked to go to multiple places - i don't drive and i take the bus. so, meeting me somewhere that's centrally located where i can get to independently of you is really awesome.
...it takes awhile for me to be comfortable riding in the car or being tipsy/drunk alone with someone, so don't assume i'll be okay with meeting somewhere out of the way or going to a bar at night with you - because i probably won't on a first date.
...hearing about your entire history with your ex.
...an excess of (or any) cologne. i'd rather smell you (preferably within 24 hours of a shower), not your old spice and calvin klein. and i'm allergic.
...sex. been there, done that, you're not getting any until i know you better. meaning 3-5 dates or so at least.

[laruss]

I recently met someone with whom I'd been getting to know through email and text. First meeting was breakfast, casual, right? but, I still "primped" and dressed nicely, smelled good, etc lol. She? Was ten minutes late, in gym clothes (I have no problem with gym clothes really) and declared to me that she was NEVER on time unless it was work related. A complete turnoff, we no longer communicate......

Expectation too high? Didn't feel it to me, but maybe I'm too harsh....
Lola

Definitely not too high. I am NOT surprised you don't communicate any longer. First dates are for first impressions, and she didn't make a very good one.

[KayCee]

Showing up in gym clothes on a first date :blink:and never on time? I would have left immediately...just sayin':runforhills:

[LipstickLola]

Showing up in gym clothes on a first date :blink:and never on time? I would have left immediately...just sayin':runforhills:

Thanks for the validations :). I thought about leaving, lol. But I hadn't had coffee and I was hungry :blush:
She's an attorney and VERY impressed with herself, me? not so much!! :blink:

Onward and upward!!

[diamondrose]

I like to feel focused on as I would focus on that person. One thing that really peeves me is someone who pays more mind to their phone than me while out to eat. Just saying :)

[cinderella]

Unless it is truly an unforseeable situation or circumstance, there is no excuse for making someone wait. It is one of my pet peeves. It shows lack of consideration, and disrespect - and if it is our first, or second date, or early in the relationship, it surely puts a dark mark against the butch - for me, anyway.

I expect to be treated with respect, consideration, gentlemanliness, and like the lady that I am.

I like a 'take-charge' butch who is confident, but not aggressive. He will be gentle, yet strong, and make me feel safe at all times.

Ideally, he will always pay for dinner, unless we agree to 'go Dutch' on special occasions. If he cannot afford an evening out, we will stay in and have a home-cooked dinner which he will make.

He will not make promises he cannot keep - another pet peeve. I don't take disappointment well. But I love surprises, and when I see that he has gone out of his way to make the evening special, and interesting, he surely is on the right path to my heart. :)

And the list goes on...but this will do for now.

Don't ever let me wait.....

[Martina]

I like a 'take-charge' butch who is confident, but not aggressive. He will be gentle, yet strong, and make me feel safe at all times.

Ideally, he will always pay for dinner, unless we agree to 'go Dutch' on special occasions. If he cannot afford an evening out, we will stay in and have a home-cooked dinner which he will make.


It's funny how different we all are. I would not touch that butch with a ten foot pole.

If someone kept trying to make me feel safe, I would be annoyed. The paying thing would not work for me either. I don't like the the idea that I am supposed to be taken care of.

Fine if we take care of one another. Fine if I am a submissive and there is that reciprocity. But that I am explicitly the one in the relationship to be taken care of and kept safe. No. Thank. You.

[gaea]

i like to be treated with respect always, i am respectful and in my honest opinion and belief it should be returned.

show honor and integrity...

I do not like mind games and Im simply not willing to play them.

[cinderella]

Yes, how different we all are. I'm lucky enough to have a daddy that complements me completely - we are truly the ying and yang. He loves making me feel safe and protected (even tho in reality he knows I very well can take care of myself, and do - I always have).

He also likes being in charge of alot of things, and I know when to give over the reins, tho I am a very capable 'driver' - and he knows that too.

I have spent a lifetime taking care of others - and I'm not talking family - it's nice to find someone who wants to take care of me for a change. Our relationship is not a complete one-sided thing - we know our limitations, and what we can actually do, but we have a lovely understanding, and we like it just the way it is. We fit snugly just like a jigsaw puzzle.

To each his own, and Viva la differencia!!

:firetruck:It's funny how different we all are. I would not touch that butch with a ten foot pole.

If someone kept trying to make me feel safe, I would be annoyed. The paying thing would not work for me either. I don't like the the idea that I am supposed to be taken care of.

Fine if we take care of one another. Fine if I am a submissive and there is that reciprocity. But that I am explicitly the one in the relationship to be taken care of and kept safe. No. Thank. You.

[Leigh]

Just treat me well, be respectful and show me your interested :thumbsup:

[Tattoogurl]

good morning first of all... LOl

i was reading all the posts about how a woman wants to be treated on a date and they are so good... But.... I would have to say that if your gonna take me on a date you better have your ducks in a row!

I make all the decisions in my real life so, if someone is gonna take me out they have to know where were going (plz dont ask me where i wanna eat) if you ask me that i would say "take me home".. to me it means you didn't plan all the way thru.

Come to my door i dont care if you live in my house, RING THE BELL and greet me with a gentle kiss on the cheeck, this is a date not a hump session... Show me you have self control when i open the door smoking hawt and you wanna jump the bones remember im a gemini and we or at least I dont like pushy I like to know that you have control over your vital organs LOL..

Im the sorta girl i like the music on, I like to sing, so Im gonna sing all the way there or at least sometimes lol.. I want stimulating conversation, show me boi's that you have the abiity to think outside of the box.. We can talk religion, politics, death penality etc i dont care but entise me with your brains and thoughts no matter how crazy they sound. if we're sitting at the dinner table I alays wondered what the waiter would say if a song comes over head and we both like it, and get up and dance. be fun spontanious live on the edge. Life is already so frigid lets have fun!!

I think I said everything then what i would want my date to consit of lol but I tried..

I guess as i sit here I want my date to be something when you drop me off I say WOW and I feel it everywhere..

[Vivacious1]

I identify as a strong femme woman. I find myself mostly attracted to old school butches. (Hard to find as they may be). On a first date you can tell a whole lot. Sometimes, everything you need to know. I want to know that chivalry is not dead. I look for it to come naturally. It matters to me. Whether we walk down the street to a coffee shop or go to a 5-star dinner, the thing that matters most is being treated like I am the most valuable thing that my butch has come across. I like the lead with hys hand on the small of my back, the assistance with my wrap or the opening of my car door and waiting for me to get in as hy shuts it. It has never stopped giving me chills. For myself, I want you to be yourself, be confident and whatever we do on that date, do it with passion, enthusiasm and treat me like I am the only woman on the planet. These are the things that make me swoon.


:blueheels:

[Nomad]

i agree with Tattoogurl. dont ask me where i want to go. have a plan so that i know you gave the date some thought. do your homework if you want to take me somewhere you know i like or somewhere i havent been. just give me a ballpark idea of what i should be wearing (shorts & a sweater or something less casual). as an aside, if you asked me out that means you pay. if i ask you out that means i pay. if we agree to share beforehand, no problem, but i'm not into fighting over the check. it reduces things to blech.

and just an FYI to the less financially fluid folks, a LOT of us are not impressed by money and flash. sure, they're nice on occasion but we're more interested in what you can conjure up out of $5. why? because it means you're interested in US and not in IMPRESSING us. besides, anyone can create a date by throwing money around. what you do when you're broke tells us a lot about you because we're ALL broke from time to time. (some of us more than others! :) )

the best "date" i've ever been on (and yes, it was the best then and it's still the best now) was one that involved coffee made at my place and a shared pastry at a local bakery that was only a block from my apartment. it was the conversation, the sharing the paper, the long walk afterward and the amazing amount of laughter that made it perfect.

[gaea]

i agree with Tattoogurl. dont ask me where i want to go. have a plan so that i know you gave the date some thought. do your homework if you want to take me somewhere you know i like or somewhere i havent been. just give me a ballpark idea of what i should be wearing (shorts & a sweater or something less casual). as an aside, if you asked me out that means you pay. if i ask you out that means i pay. if we agree to share beforehand, no problem, but i'm not into fighting over the check. it reduces things to blech.

and just an FYI to the less financially fluid folks, a LOT of us are not impressed by money and flash. sure, they're nice on occasion but we're more interested in what you can conjure up out of $5. why? because it means you're interested in US and not in IMPRESSING us. besides, anyone can create a date by throwing money around. what you do when you're broke tells us a lot about you because we're ALL broke from time to time. (some of us more than others! :) )

the best "date" i've ever been on (and yes, it was the best then and it's still the best now) was one that involved coffee made at my place and a shared pastry at a local bakery that was only a block from my apartment. it was the conversation, the sharing the paper, the long walk afterward and the amazing amount of laughter that made it perfect.

I second this and applaud it....

I don't care what kind of car you drive or the job you have, are you kind? are you considerate? are you courteous? are you giving just for show or because that's who you really are, be respectful before and after and mean it don't just play a game I have feelings and they matter if to no one else than me they matter....respect is huge in my book.

A picnic on a beach would suit me more than some stuffy high end restaurant.....

a trip to the dog park, a walk along the river even fishing or camping ..

be good to me and ill be good to you, it kind of works like that or so i would like to believe in or at least hope for.

[LadyRieinAL]

I'll probably be from out of town and you'll pick me up at the airport -
You meet me with a grin on your face and you reach out to give me a warm welcoming hug.
My suitcase is light because I know I am only going to be here for the weekend - if it is chilly out side you offer to help me with my jacket or coat. You reach to take my luggage from me, and we walked to your car and drive to your place.
You get out of the car, come around and open the passenger's door for me, you take my hand and kiss it gently.
You open the trunk and take out the luggage.
Once inside the house, you introduce me to your four legged babies.
You take my luggage into the guestroom, you show me around your house, you have a large cozy bathrobe in the bathroom for me.
We take a few moments to sip coffee, chatting, the babies are helping to make this an easy transition in getting to know one another -
You've made plans for dinner, Italian.
I could sit and talk with you all night, your smile is genuine and your laughter infectious. But there are dinner reservations.
While helping me with my coat, you ask if you may kiss me, a soft sweet gentle kiss. You open the door for me and you tell your babies that we will be back shortly.
At the restaurant you pull out my chair and kiss my cheek. You sit directly across from me because you want to look into my eyes while we chat.
Since I haven't eaten in this restaurant before and we have discussed over the phone I only eat chicken and some fish, you ask if you can order for me.
You're so handsome, and you have made me feel like a princess. After a wonderful meal we leave the restaurant and you take me to your special place - a blanket of stars and fresh air surrounds us - could be a park, a river bank, a mountain parkway, - it is a safe place and we take a moon light stroll, I interlock my arm around yours. Everything is so romantic.
When we get back to your place, we sit and watch a movie and laugh - and time comes to go to sleep, you ask if I would be more comfortable sleeping in the guest room, or if I would like to sleep with you, you promise to be on your best behavior, but it is a strange place and I might be more comfortable cuddling with you. I have only one answer, and we drift off to sleep with your arm wrapped around my waist.
Morning comes and I awaken to the scent of a delicious cup of coffee right next to me on the night stand.
Good morning, you're in a very good mood -
I realize how very safe I feel with you -
this weekend is going to go way too quickly. You're the perfect gentle person - doesn't mean I will always want you to behave so perfectly, - but this weekend, this first date, I know I will be back because I want to know more about you and I want more of you.

[Dance-with-me]

I'm responding before reading all the other suggestions, so forgive me if they're repeats!

First, THANK YOU for asking this question! And your list of things that you do that don't cost money are fantastic -- with all of those in place, well, I can't speak for all femmes but I know that for myself there wouldn't have to be a penny spent and I'd have a delightful time.

Overall I'm WAY more impressed by someone who is honest about living within his/her means and who is making the effort to find creative and enjoyable things to do than someone who backs off and does nothing because she can't currently afford the type of date she's like to go on, or someone who gets themselves into debt to "impress" me.

Just don't make a big deal about it being a low-cost date - don't act embarrassed, don't keep apologizing, in fact there's really no reason at all to say to her that you're trying to keep the costs down, because that just puts your date in an awkward position.

I will tell you that one of the very best dates I've ever been on in my life started with a simple picnic lunch while sitting on standard beach chairs at the beach -- with foods direct from the grocery store or scavenged from her kitchen, packed in a basic canvas bag, and an inexpensive bottle of wine -- followed by ice cream at the boardwalk and a walk around town. It was the best date because at every moment I was made to feel pampered and special (all those "don't cost anything" things in place), but at the same time I was fully respected for my intelligence (lots of different conversational topics as we ate and sipped wine), I was allowed to be surprised by it (I like to not have to OK every plan), I didn't feel pressured for anything, it was light and romantic and fun instead of more formal and constrained, and I enjoyed every single moment of it.

And while not every date needs to be (or should be) a surprise, still don't be going to her and asking her to ok every part of the agenda - if you don't know her well yet, maybe check in and verify that she likes doing that sort of thing (some folks just don't like art museums or sporting events, for example) but work out the details on your own - she'll appreciate you for it!

Some no/low cost ideas that I personally would very much enjoy include museums, free outdoor plays/concerts in the summer, bike riding or walking through a park or along the beach, festivals/parades (ethnic, holiday, small town, etc.), a small-town or college ball game, fireworks, or even just getting together with a couple of friends who you know to be compatible and easy-going to do a bbq or play cards.

I know that in some cities, they have a weekly email that goes out that lists all kinds of plays, concerts and other events for that upcoming weekend for which you can get typically half-priced tickets. Maybe see if there's something like that around you?

Don't be afraid to plan a deliberately casual date with a Femme -- I'm guessing that most of us enjoy those jeans/shorts and t-shirts kind of dates just as much as the dress-up ones! But especially if she doesn't know going into it exactly what you'll be doing, please be sure to give her a general idea of what to wear. For that date on the beach, my date told me in advance that shorts or a simple sundress and sandals would be best, and I really appreciated that.

With an attitude like yours, you're going to make some Femme very happy to be dating you. :)

[Dance-with-me]

i agree with Tattoogurl. dont ask me where i want to go. have a plan so that i know you gave the date some thought. do your homework if you want to take me somewhere you know i like or somewhere i havent been. just give me a ballpark idea of what i should be wearing (shorts & a sweater or something less casual).
...
a LOT of us are not impressed by money and flash. sure, they're nice on occasion but we're more interested in what you can conjure up out of $5. why? because it means you're interested in US and not in IMPRESSING us. besides, anyone can create a date by throwing money around. what you do when you're broke tells us a lot about you because we're ALL broke from time to time. (some of us more than others! :) )
THIS. Exactly, especially the part I highlighted.

[Electrocell]

Ok ladies have a ? maybe I'm a little out of date when it comes to dating. I usually bring flowers when I first meet a lady is this wrong?If I am meeting her for dinner at her place I bring flowers and a bottle of wine again am I am I out dated on this?

[imperfect_cupcake]

these days? I'd rather it not really be a date, to be honest. I'd prefer to just hang out and see how we get on as mates and if there's chemistry and attraction there. I'd like to talk before hand a bit to see where we both want to go, and the most important thing to me is how we get along, chemistry wise. Is there lots of laughing? banter? questions and curiosity? I'd like to be treated like a friend with possibilities. I don't want flowers, I don't want candy or stuff like that. I want you to be relaxed, confident, able to talk naturally, banter with me, and be totally honest like you would a friend - without fearing judgement. I don't want us on our best behaviour. I just want us to be very very realy about who we are. Still a bit hung up on a ex? Don't care. Tell me about it. Not for hours mind you, you'll put me into a coma, but tell me what you think and what you'd like to do about it.

I do webcamming work - I'll have told you a bit about that before we meet up - to put me through school. Don't treat me like a slag. I'm not. I won't bed you just because I can talk about sex easily on a camera. It's work and it's dull, don't fetishise me. Make jokes, sure, but the jokes should be about my clientelle (follow my lead hey?) and the rediculousness of the work, not some lame filthy bullshit I hear when I'm *at* work, you'll remind me of a service user. My job is convenient for study and half decently paid but very dull and a long shifts gives me headaches from having to be "chirpy, bubbly, smiley and up" and dealing with dickheads very swiftly with little or no reaction. I've got very thick skin and a very little tolerance for fuckwittery. But I have a very wicked sense of black humour, I love smart assing back and forth with people and I love a playful insult between friends. And I hope you do too. To me it shows intimacy, playfulness and ability to keep things from escalating past a certain point in debate.

I expect that to be there as a solid backbone - playfulness - especially if we decide to sleep together. I want our dates to develop as we do. I want romance expressed as a deep friendship and affection. We'll know how to express that to each other as we learn each other. If that happens quickly because there's shitloads of chemistry, I'm fine with that. But don't rush it. It should happen mutually.

[gaea]

Ok ladies have a ? maybe I'm a little out of date when it comes to dating. I usually bring flowers when I first meet a lady is this wrong?If I am meeting her for dinner at her place I bring flowers and a bottle of wine again am I am I out dated on this?

flowers are nice and so is wine provided she isn't allergic to either of those and if she is well then substitute you know...ofos ways are impressive it means your thoughtful....and sometimes the best flowers to receive are the ones where someone hand picked them out weather at a florist or a garden or what have you...

just my opinion.

[ScandalAndy]

I have to agree that I would prefer not to be asked where I want to go if I've been asked out. If I take the initiative and ask someone out (it happens from time to time) I make sure to plan food and an activity, and leave some time after for hanging out/coffee if needed. I value creativity so someone that puts the time and effort into planning something I've never done before will win major bonus points.

The best date I've ever had was when they picked me up from my house, brought me a pretzel they had made that said E=mc2 and two little beaker-shaped ones (i'm a biologist), opened the car door for me, and we got ice cream down the street from my house which we took to a little park nearby and looked out over the river while we talked. I never stopped to think about how little the whole thing cost until just now, lol!

[thedivahrrrself]

I've had great dates both with and without money. Museums are cheap, parks are free, and those are two of the best date spots in the world! A fancy dinner can be presumptuous, especially if neither of you would normally eat there, then it can actually be uncomfortable.

The point of a date is to get to know someone, not to impress them!

That point cannot be stressed enough.

The best date spots are places where you both feel comfortable enough to talk, in a place that is not too noisy for you to listen. That's all dates are really about.


Save the expensive spots for later dates. The first date should be about the conversation.

(IMHO)

[thedivahrrrself]

And normally, I'd say no to flowers, but truthfully, they are starting to grow on me.

I still hate roses.




and carnations

[Bèsame*]

I used to think flowers were a waste of time and money. Why? They didn't last long they die. Perhaps as I've gotten wiser ( not older, of course!), I really am tickled when I get flowers. Maybe it was a materialized feeling, thinking I didn't need flowers, cause that was the norm. Now, I love the fact, there was a thought, a reaction, and the EFFORT involved. That is what I love the most. The feeling of receiving at that moment lasts longer, makes me smile all the while I see them, long after the gift of flowers were given. :)

[*Anya*]

Just treat me the same way you want to be treated!

First dates for me are always a meeting at a coffee house for coffee-dutch, of course. When we make arrangements, I always suggest either morning or afternoon. Never a fancy dinner at a restaurant. I like to keep it low-key with minimal expectations for either of us.

If I don't feel a connection for any reason, it is easy to keep the date short and sweet and be on my way.

If there is any sort of connection, we will know it and can take it from there to arrange other dates.

[thedivahrrrself]

I used to think flowers were a waste of time and money. Why? They didn't last long they die. Perhaps as I've gotten wiser ( not older, of course!), I really am tickled when I get flowers. Maybe it was a materialized feeling, thinking I didn't need flowers, cause that was the norm. Now, I love the fact, there was a thought, a reaction, and the EFFORT involved. That is what I love the most. The feeling of receiving at that moment lasts longer, makes me smile all the while I see them, long after the gift of flowers were given. :)


I was never too impressed with them, but lately I've seen some more exotic varieties that are really stunning.

I'm starting to think it wasn't the flowers, but the type of flowers that are generic and unimpressive.

[stepfordfemme]

Open the door for me.....its taken me years/and I still dont always let someone do this, but I think its a sweet gesture.

Smile. If you're smiling, its a good sign.

Let me pick up the bill from time to time, especially if you've A) travelled any major distance to see me. B) It was my idea.

Be creative. If you come up with a special date night, I'm probably going to love it. It really doesn't matter whether it's expensive or cheap, thought matters.

Try and sneak in the smelling (yeah I usually smell like something nice)/hand at the back/hand behind my chair/hand holding gestures. I love it.

Thank me for coming out. I will normally thank you as well.

Tell me I look nice if I do. Dress well. I don't mean fancy, I mean clean/put together/take a shower. A girl should not be able to take her eyes off you ;)

I wish I could go on a date sometime soon!!

[Fatale]

I was never too impressed with them, but lately I've seen some more exotic varieties that are really stunning.

I'm starting to think it wasn't the flowers, but the type of flowers that are generic and unimpressive.

I'm with you on that one. Please don't show up with carnations!

[Bèsame*]

I'm with you on that one. Please don't show up with carnations!
Star gazer lilies and you can have me now!!

[lusciouskiwi]

I think what everyone else has written is great. It's hard to add anything else but one thing I will say - don't spend all evening talking about yourself. I want my date to ask me questions about myself - questions that show an interest in me and are somewhat thoughtful not some huge vague question like "How's it living in Asia?" Yeah, that was well thought out. It's not that I don't want to hear about you, I do, believe me, but I don't want a one-way conversation that only consists of me asking you questions about yourself and you never returning the favour. If you can't be bothered to learn a bit about me, then don't bother me.

I think for the first, where ever it is (the park, a restaurant, the beach), I want it to be somewhere cosy and relaxing where we can easily talk. Mind you, that doesn't mean we couldn't go to a concert, but you get the general drift right? I want to feel that you want to get to know me and I want to get to know you.

I'm not used to having doors being opened for me so you'll have to stay on the ball. I'm not used to being fussed over so please, be patient. Just show me that you're interested in me and I'll show you the biggest sun-shiny smile possible.

I thought of one other thing - even if we've been together for 10 years, I still want you to ask me out on a date.

[gaea]

I'm with you on that one. Please don't show up with carnations!

for me carnations (being my favorite flower) would be so much better than roses any day of my life......

[lusciouskiwi]

for me carnations (being my favorite flower) would be so much better than roses any day of my life......

Please don't show up with a tatty bunch of has-been flowers from 711. I'd much rather have a card that you spent hours agonizing over than cheap left-overs. Poor flowers!

ps I love the smell of carnations and always disappointed when roses don't smell like .... roses.

[gaea]

Im not interested in all of your exes......at this stage in the game we would both be single and even though your exes are a big part of who you are there is no need to talk about them constantly.

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are every minute or so it gets ridiculous and id become bored quickly with your over sized self inflated ego trip if i think your good looking ill tell you that however that wouldn't be why i chose a date with you.....looks fail as we age however kindness, respect, integrity all the good stuff stays....given the fact that im 42 I would rather date someone with a heart full of respect over a good looking butch any day of the week.

how "hot" someone is has never impressed me at all.....period. It has been my experience that feeding someones ego on a daily basis has only proved them to be insecure with who they are inside.

I also don't need to hear how hot i am every minute either that too will bore the shit out of me....that would scream you have no brain or ability to have a real conversion.....or your just avoiding something all together. It would also fall on deaf ears, i know im pretty but i don't use that to boost my ego and i wouldn't want you to do that either.

If your interested in dating me then understand upfront i have 3 grown kids and 2 grand babies that light up my life and that family is most important to me.

ps the terms "you " and "your" are generalized words and not targeted for anyone here.

[jac]

Taking notes...:writer:

[Electrocell]

for me carnations (being my favorite flower) would be so much better than roses any day of my life......

Had an ex who prefered carnations because roses reminded her of the death of her only son.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Im not interested in all of your exes......at this stage in the game we would both be single and even though your exes are a big part of who you are there is no need to talk about them constantly.

ah see... this is such a variable with people! I love talking about relationships. and love hearing about them. One ex and I *met* because we had both just been left by our wives. We spent a good 50% of our time together discussing what was going on with our exes and us, how we were coping, what we thought had gone wrong, omg they are driving me crazy, or actually I miss them (I am actually pretty empathetic about that), would we ever get married again, what about the kid (her step daughter)... and it was brilliant. we both needed it.

Then both of us needed some time on our own... during which she got involved with someone else. We then returned to our friendship and found out the feelings we had for each other were still there and pretty big. I think because what we had done/built was based on friendship and support and wasn't about anything else but that... and there chemistry was still there. We talked about what to do after trying to ignore that for a while - should we get back together? She had feelings for both of us but the girl she is with just gave her a greater sense of stability, which she really needs. I was broken hearted but because I know her quite well, understand her needs, respect them and actually love her as a person/friend, I "got" it. She really does need a lot of stability, and no, I couldn't give her that level of it, unfortunately. And I think her lovely gf probably has more patience than I do. I adore her gf too.

Throughout everything we've been exceptional friends. Even when fighting she'll text me every day to see how I am. She's never lied to me. She's never abandoned me.

This is a big lesson for me. It's taught me that actually... if people are sorting things out? It's ok. And because she and I talk every single day, she's almost like a weird kind of brother to me, I love her to bits, I do talk about her a lot. Just like I talk about Eve, my flatmate and very close friend, a lot because they are in my daily life - they are my family on this continent, 5000 miles from home. And I love them both. And whomever is interested in me is going to hear a lot about them.

So I prefer for people to tell me their stories about their relationships and things in depth. I love hearing their take on how it went, what happened and how they feel about it now. I'm an Extrovert with a big "E" and therefore I need to vocalise my inner thoughts and bounce them off other people in order to process them properly. If things stay in my head they rot. So I equally love people who tell me *everything* and the why what where when about it. And invite me to have a conversation with them about it. Like I do with mine. Circle things, draw lines under others, arrows, stars and notations. Fabulous.

As for flowers... hand picked. wild flowers. But really, not early in the friendship when we are just hangin out. Maybe if you know I'm feelin like crap that day (exhausted, down, crabby) and you swing past to ask if you can get me anything, bring me some hand picked flowers from the roadside, I'd love that.

I dunno, dates. I went on them with my wife even after being married but I don't really want to "date" anymore. If that makes any sense. I just want to hang out as friends and if there's a ton of chemistry, we'll take it from there.

I think I just can't deal with the frame of mind of dating anymore. I just want to do things I'd do with my friends. I want an important friendship that goes somewhere with good chemistry. The thought of going on a "date" just makes me feel exhausted.

[*Anya*]

Star gazer lilies and you can have me now!!

Stargazer lilies and you will be taking me to the ER on our date because I will be wheezing and having an asthma attack.

Careful with the flowers until you know if someone is allergic or not...

[Electrocell]

Stargazer lilies and you will be taking me to the ER on our date because I will be wheezing and having an asthma attack.

Careful with the flowers until you know if someone is allergic or not...

Agree with you on this, Hopefully the both of you have talked long enough before you meet to at least find out things like this about each other.

[girl_dee]

Electrocell you and i chatted about this before, and i have thought about it since then..

IMO regarding flowers or any other nicety, it depends on the conversations and situation leading up to the "meeting".

Showing up to pick someone up at home for a date, with some flowers.. to be escorted on a date can be a good thing.

If iv'e been chatting to you online and you show up with a bouquet of flowers at a concert for example, at out first meeting i may feel uncomfy about that. Especially if i don't like attention drawn to myself, that would be overdoing it for me. Trying too hard. Just meet me for some conversation and coffee in clean clothes, sober, with your respect in tact and that would go way further than flowers.

i do agree first dates are about getting to know each other. i've never been impressed with flowers per se, now a nice fishing rod, that would impress me. At least it required a thought process about me.

However, i do like a simple daisy.

[Toughy]

<snip>

I dunno, dates. I went on them with my wife even after being married but I don't really want to "date" anymore. If that makes any sense. I just want to hang out as friends and if there's a ton of chemistry, we'll take it from there.

I think I just can't deal with the frame of mind of dating anymore. I just want to do things I'd do with my friends. I want an important friendship that goes somewhere with good chemistry. The thought of going on a "date" just makes me feel exhausted.


I read this and a light got turned on. Thanks

[macele]

there's a time and a place to talk about exes, ... on a date is not one of them. i think a first date "gift" (meaning like flowers) could be decided upon by the woman i am taking out. i could find a place to buy flowers before the date and then say something like "i wasn't sure if you like flowers, so i'm asking now ... and if so, what kind? i know this great place if you'd let me take you there." now this of course would depend on if there's a place open lol. but hey, i could purposely make the date on a saturday afternoon! now if she doesn't like flowers, or allergic, ... i need a back up plan lol.

i like to listen for clues as to what she likes. just show up with a cool gift. when her face lights up, ... maybe an omg! i love it!, ... makes me smile and blush thinking about it.

if she told me she'd rather have a scoop (or 2!) of butter pecan ice cream, ... i'd be happy to get what she wants.

i enjoy reading! thanks.

[Electrocell]

That was why I was asking if I was out of date when it came to stuff like this . Haven't dated in a long time and am willing to ask the the advice of the all the ladies . Thank you.
Electrocell you and i chatted about this before, and i have thought about it since then..

IMO regarding flowers or any other nicety, it depends on the conversations and situation leading up to the "meeting".

Showing up to pick someone up at home for a date, with some flowers.. to be escorted on a date can be a good thing.

If iv'e been chatting to you online and you show up with a bouquet of flowers at a concert for example, at out first meeting i may feel uncomfy about that. Especially if i don't like attention drawn to myself, that would be overdoing it for me. Trying too hard. Just meet me for some conversation and coffee in clean clothes, sober, with your respect in tact and that would go way further than flowers.

i do agree first dates are about getting to know each other. i've never been impressed with flowers per se, now a nice fishing rod, that would impress me. At least it required a thought process about me.

However, i do like a simple daisy.

[girl_dee]

That was why I was asking if I was out of date when it came to stuff like this . Haven't dated in a long time and am willing to ask the the advice of the all the ladies . Thank you.

You are truly a nice gent...

[thedivahrrrself]

There's a place for talk about exes, one of the first things you want to know about someone is why they're single. It brings up red flags if it's ALL the ex's fault, and you are always the innocent victim in the ends of your relationships. It's also a big red flag if you go on & on about an ex. You're probably not over her yet.


I second everything gaea said about obsession with "hotness" - HUGE turn-off!

And if I ever decide to date Dee, I'm bringing a fishing pole :)

[imperfect_cupcake]

I think it just depends on who you are as a person regarding ex stuff. Since I don't want to date, I just want to hang out, then that means there are no "rules" about what one can say or talk about. I get to know them without being treated differently than a friend. And that way, I know a bit better about who they are, and for them to know who I am.

One of the things I HATE is when people stop the "best foot forward" bullshit and suddenly become who they are when relaxed and a friend. They aren't usually as attentive or interested or ...whatever. I'd like to get to know and accept how to be a real friend to someone (and vs versa) first. Will that turn into a relationship? who knows. More concerned about the friendship.

So as one's friend, yeah, actually, I wanna hear all about it - lay it on me. I actually also understand missing someone but not wanting to be with them. I don't know... after a marriage ending 5000 miles from home?? I "get" that sometimes you just won't get over what happened/an ex. No matter how much therapy you have. And I'd like to hear all about it.

If someone though, like stated, is never to blame, doesn't see how they contributed to any of the relationships ending, is excessively angry (instead of eyebally irritated) over something that happened and never wants to talk about it? not my kind of relationship person. We won't get along.

Would prefer to hang out and learn all that shit first.

And I don't mean on line getting to know you. I don't do that anymore. So if people are talking about long online dicussions and then meeting for a date... no. I mean meeting up asap to hang out as friends so one is at least reasonably local. Luckliy I can do that as I don't live in a small town with no transport.

No more internet stuff, I spent 12 years doing that! too much build up for me. that makes me tired too, along with the thought of dating...

[Sachita]

Im not interested in all of your exes......at this stage in the game we would both be single and even though your exes are a big part of who you are there is no need to talk about them constantly.

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are every minute or so it gets ridiculous and id become bored quickly with your over sized self inflated ego trip if i think your good looking ill tell you that however that wouldn't be why i chose a date with you.....looks fail as we age however kindness, respect, integrity all the good stuff stays....given the fact that im 42 I would rather date someone with a heart full of respect over a good looking butch any day of the week.

how "hot" someone is has never impressed me at all.....period. It has been my experience that feeding someones ego on a daily basis has only proved them to be insecure with who they are inside.

I also don't need to hear how hot i am every minute either that too will bore the shit out of me....that would scream you have no brain or ability to have a real conversion.....or your just avoiding something all together. It would also fall on deaf ears, i know im pretty but i don't use that to boost my ego and i wouldn't want you to do that either.

If your interested in dating me then understand upfront i have 3 grown kids and 2 grand babies that light up my life and that family is most important to me.

ps the terms "you " and "your" are generalized words and not targeted for anyone here.

I could have written this. lol

The moment someone starts up with all the ex drama, especially the sad story about how she ripped hym off and left hym with all this credit card debit blah blah... I mean it could have happened, I just don't want to hear about it on our date. I am the center of the universe! Nothing happened before or after me. lol

Ditto on my family. If you want to date me then you'll have to be ok with it because my granddaughter is around a LOT.

I enjoy being treated special. Someone who has taken the time to understand what makes me happy and what thrills me. They want to make me happy and see me smile. They enjoy watching me light up.

Don't show up empty handed especially when you're coming to my house and I'm cooking dinner. Don't show up with a bottle of boones farm. It tells me that you don't know me that well or that you've put zero thought into planning our date.

Don't bore me with stories about people I don't know. Your sister ex boyfriends sister's cousin who needs a fake leg and how awful your brother from another mother is to his dog. I DON'T care! omg this drives me nuts! Living in the south I am bombarded by small talk and it drives me nuts.

I better stop. lol- I'm a bitch and my expectations very high. If you want to date me your standards should be high too.

[Sachita]

if I want to go beyond the first date then at some point I may ask about past relationships and why they didn't work. I think this is normal

[ruffryder]

Just treat me the same way you want to be treated!

First dates for me are always a meeting at a coffee house for coffee-dutch, of course. When we make arrangements, I always suggest either morning or afternoon. Never a fancy dinner at a restaurant. I like to keep it low-key with minimal expectations for either of us.

If I don't feel a connection for any reason, it is easy to keep the date short and sweet and be on my way.

If there is any sort of connection, we will know it and can take it from there to arrange other dates.


This is how my honey and I started our dates :)


One date was also watching football at a sports bar/restaurant with her wearing one of my shirts and sharing food. She had a blast!

A lot of our dates were coffee , lunch, dinner dates and we just laughed and laughed and laughed and then we fell in love. ;)

[Femminator]

Personally I don't want to know about your exs unless I ask. This will not happen for me until several dates. For general dates:

Show up early, not more than 15-20 mins however,(unless you want to wait while I primp) do not show up late. Am I so unimportant that you can't get there on time? If you have to be late, for an emergency that came up, caught in traffic etc, call me. As soon as you realize you will be late, even if it is 4 hours earlier, I need to know so I am not sitting around in my outfit and getting it mussed and wrinkled.

Show up nicely dressed, not in a football jersey and holey jeans. Really, I am taking time to get pretty for you, can't you get handsome for me?

Do not assume that spending money will equal a good date. It has nothing to do with money. Everything to do with how you treat me, how you make me feel and if you listen.

I am a lady. Please treat me like one. Drop me off at the door, and then go park if it is nasty or you have to park a long ways off. Hold my door and escort me in if we are going to a party or a resturant, allow me to sit while you stand if there is no place to sit.

Make me feel special, and cherished. I don't care if I have dated you one time, or am married to you(which my wife does treat me as above). Treat me like you know I am precious to you and you will be greatly rewarded.

[Ginger]

Be kind. Recognize me.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Treat me like you know I am precious to you and you will be greatly rewarded.

oh absolutely. As the friendship develops and we start to value each other, by being shown I am very valued in way important to that person - and in ways I can understand and recognise (I like to feel safe, above all things).

If we are talking about what impresses us in the way they go about showing us they are interested, rather than dating?

from my blog:
But I like my women with intelligence, a back bone, the ability to stand up to me, disagree with me, teach me new things about people, challenge my beliefs, stimulate me to grow... and of course adore me. I'm a complete sucker for being chased in a feisty, fun way. Not a wet whiney way. Don't keep showing up at my door with flowers with drippy eyeballs. Be a playful, pisstaking, persistant gentleman-woman. Maybe ask me to treat your back. Insist on carrying my things. Don't take no for an answer to take me to dinner, be able to playfully tell me to shut up. I like that. I'll tell you to shut up too, and you'd best find that type of banter fun.

Self depricating humour, crusty, gritty banter, give a good playful insult and able to take a good comeback.

I think because we are all so very different it's going to be hard to find any kind of one style fits. Respect is not a universal understanding. it's very relative.

It's interesting reading, that for sure.

[Martina]

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are

It's surprising to me how many people do this. They often do this early, before the first date. So . . . you know, no first date. But it's common. *rme* So funny.

[imperfect_cupcake]

really? I hope I'm not in for an annoying suprise when I move home... or is this purely an on line thing?

[Martina]

Unfortunately not.

I have to say I have encountered it more in CA than I did in Michigan. And Canadians have the rep of being more diffident.

[gaea]

Unfortunately not.

I have to say I have encountered it more in CA than I did in Michigan. And Canadians have the rep of being more diffident.

right.....i know i too am in Ca

[-Red-Flag-]

Takes a bagillion notes.. Needs more paper ...scribble scribble

[starryeyes]

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are every minute



*puke*

Instant turn OFF!

Why don't people get this? I am from California as well and have encountered this a lot too. As soon as this is brought up, they immediately fall off my radar![/QUOTE]

[gaea]

*puke*

Instant turn OFF!

Why don't people get this? I am from California as well and have encountered this a lot too. As soon as this is brought up, they immediately fall off my radar![/QUOTE]

RIGHT???

I dont get it either, low self esteem perhaps? self inflated ego's perhaps? over zealous perhaps? who knows but it certainly is most annoying.

[Ginger]

RIGHT???

I dont get it either, low self esteem perhaps? self inflated ego's perhaps? over zealous perhaps? who knows but it certainly is most annoying.[/QUOTE]


Since several people on the thread have said they've encountered this behavior (declaring one's own hotness on a first date), I don't doubt it's out there, but I just wanted to say, no one I've ever dated has ever talked about how hot they are on on a first date or any date.

(Shaking head)

(Chuckling)

[Novelafemme]

? Probably the same way butches do? I'm not big on someone opening the door for me or bringing me flowers, but I do like to hold hands or wrap my arm around theirs. Physical displays of affection are way better than all the other bells and whistles. Although, I suppose that would happen after you have established a connection with someone you are dating.

Oh fuck it. Bring me flowers and hold the door open for me, dammit!

[Toughy]

since I don't date butch folk and none of my butch friends would say how 'hot' they are to anyone they are on a date with.........I'm a bit shocked this happens........

it's kinda icky and creepy just hearing about it.........

[StrongButch]

Thank you ladies. I have been reading this post and im sorry some of you havent been treated so nicely. I believe if you ask a woman out you should treat her with respect,be kind,compliment her, and be attentive to her. I even say thank you for spending time with me. Good luck ladies!

[~ocean]

on a date i am all about the B&F dynamic ~ this would be a given ~ if a date was already accepted. flirting w. eachother ~ enjoying a convo ~ kiss' ~ lots of kiss'

[ScandalAndy]

I have to say, i'm baffled that some people would choose to discuss "hotness" as if that's a valid topic of conversation. I can't wrap my mind around it! I prefer to poke around until I find the things they are passionate about. I love seeing the way a person's face lights up when you get them talking about something they care about very much. :)

[LipstickLola]

True story.....it was a first meeting with someone I had been talking to (via email/chat/text) and she happened to live in my city. Our first "meeting" was a lunch bar so it was pretty casual, and last minute I might add. Impulsive as I see it in hindsight, but I digress. She openly told me about her last relationship then proceeded to ask me how many women I had been in relationships with. I was a tad bashful but I said how many. She said, to me then, "you're a low mileage lesbian" :|

Ok, so now what? that was about 7 months ago, and the last time I spoke to her......

Should I make that my handle if I try another dating site?

[Ginger]

True story.....it was a first meeting with someone I had been talking to (via email/chat/text) and she happened to live in my city. Our first "meeting" was a lunch bar so it was pretty casual, and last minute I might add. Impulsive as I see it in hindsight, but I digress. She openly told me about her last relationship then proceeded to ask me how many women I had been in relationships with. I was a tad bashful but I said how many. She said, to me then, "you're a low mileage lesbian" :|

Ok, so now what? that was about 7 months ago, and the last time I spoke to her......

Should I make that my handle if I try another dating site?



She probably was just nervous and blurted it out in that way we blurt out stupid shit in stressful situations like first dates—but "low mileage lesbian" is creepy. You're not a vehicle, vessel or carnival ride and you don't have an odometer except maybe metaphorically.

I guess I'm saying No, I wouldn't make it my handle (were you kidding?), or maybe Yes, if it appeals to your sense of humor.

Or as I think about it more, maybe yes, you should use it as a handle if you want to present your low number of relationships out front and center because you think it will appeal to people.

(I don't personally consider it a plus, but it's not MY handle we're talking about...)

[*Anya*]

True story.....it was a first meeting with someone I had been talking to (via email/chat/text) and she happened to live in my city. Our first "meeting" was a lunch bar so it was pretty casual, and last minute I might add. Impulsive as I see it in hindsight, but I digress. She openly told me about her last relationship then proceeded to ask me how many women I had been in relationships with. I was a tad bashful but I said how many. She said, to me then, "you're a low mileage lesbian" :|

Ok, so now what? that was about 7 months ago, and the last time I spoke to her......

Should I make that my handle if I try another dating site?

That is the funniest thing I have read in a while and never heard that before!

Low miles and gently used?!

Would keep that for a chuckle, not a handle:)

[LipstickLola]

She probably was just nervous and blurted it out in that way we blurt out stupid shit in stressful situations like first dates—but "low mileage lesbian" is creepy. You're not a vehicle, vessel or carnival ride and you don't have an odometer except maybe metaphorically.

I guess I'm saying No, I wouldn't make it my handle (were you kidding?), or maybe Yes, if it appeals to your sense of humor.

Or as I think about it more, maybe yes, you should use it as a handle if you want to present your low number of relationships out front and center because you think it will appeal to people.

(I don't personally consider it a plus, but it's not MY handle we're talking about...)

OMG, yes I was kidding, :blush::giggle:

[ScandalAndy]

Kept covered and treated with regular maintenance!!

OMG, yes I was kidding, :blush::giggle:

[LipstickLola]

Kept covered and treated with regular maintenance!!

hahahahaha, funny, really!! :byebye: :blush:

[gaea]

I got a great chuckle out of that "low mileage"? wtf does that mean exactly.....that is how i would have responded then i may have responded with its not the miles that counts its the "Ride" hahaha

[gaea]

I was dating a fella (when i was a teenager) and he picked me up one day and brought along with him someone else he had decided to "pit myself and her against each other" when she and i exited the car, i had a chat with her, told her he was a serious waste of my time at this point and that she could have him cause he would do the same thing to her he had just done to me and I am not into playing these sort of games. She gave much thought to this and then decided she didn't want him either.....when he was close to dropping me off she told him what a jerk he was and that she would never be with him, when I got out of the car i looked at him and told him to "fuck off" and please don't call me anymore.....

As an adult I have experienced this same thing.....

I would stand proudly next to my sister's than play a silly childish (teenage) game with anyone.

Im not into the games and im not into being "one" of many notches etc...

Life is too short for all that.

[LipstickLola]

I got a great chuckle out of that "low mileage"? wtf does that mean exactly.....that is how i would have responded then i may have responded with its not the miles that counts its the "Ride" hahaha

If ONLY I were that quick with the comebacks......:blink:
Good one!! ;)

[Martina]

I am a California girl (now) and def have my woo woo side.

But I do not need to know THAT much about your soul on the first date.

Just saying.

[iridium]

Late entry here on this old thread.

-Don't make me have to make the decisions of what to do or where to go.
-When on a double date I like when the butches walk protectively behind us femmes, in full veiw of us in our high femme club wear.
-When sitting together, boldly touching my knee while telling me how lovely I look in that cute outfit you asked me to wear.

[Library_girl]

(Thanks for bumping this one!)

Hmmmm, I guess I'm like a lot of femmes.....I want to be treated with respect and kindness. I'm very old school, so I respond to all the little things like opening doors, holding my coat, pulling back my chair, etc. Flirt with me, if it's genuine. Be honest and be yourself, I want to get to know the real you.

Please DON'T: dance with someone else, flirt with someone else, look at other women, swat the waitresses' butts, or tease/make fun of me. Yes, these have all happened on actual dates. REALLY? So tacky.

[Zimmeh]

Heheh..I had that shirt for a few months :) I enjoyed all of our dates, including us going to Disney's Magic Kingdom for the first time!

You are a sweet person and I'm glad we fell in love!

Zimmeh

This is how my honey and I started our dates :)


One date was also watching football at a sports bar/restaurant with her wearing one of my shirts and sharing food. She had a blast!

A lot of our dates were coffee , lunch, dinner dates and we just laughed and laughed and laughed and then we fell in love. ;)

[CherryBlonde]

I don't think it's about how much money you spend. Be creative, something fun and different will definitely get my attention. Sweet, chivalrous and funny is always a way to win my heart.

[Happyfemme]

I think it's important to be kind and respectful on a date. I like manners and nice conversation. I like it when the person opens doors and offers me their arm to hold onto or asks if they can hold my hand. How I feel when I am with the person is most important. I like to feel safe, comfortable and cared for.

[sofimichi]

I like to be more submissive when on a date.

[kittygrrl]

I hear its dead but I enjoy chivalry

[Queenie]

Like a little queen! Cause really how else would you like to be treated on a date?

[kittygrrl]

thoughtfully..