A look at Polygamy - Future Family Model

[Sachita]

I have invited a few people to partake in a discussion about polygamy. In this past year I know at least a few couples who have added additional partners to their family. These were people I would never suspect in a million years. There is a huge misconception that polygamy is about sex or reserved for Mormon principles. The people that I've talked to, close friends, all declare that although intimate it is not just about sex but the extension and creation of family. A loving bond among a collective of people who share.

Many many years ago during my BDSM-Femdom hay day I shared my life with a few people. back then I had no idea of polygamy. It just kinda of fell into place and for its time it was a beautiful experience. I am no expert on this subject but would like to begin an intelligent discussion and hoping that those of you who have lived the lifestyle will also present commentary.

Do you feel that polygamy is immoral or wrong? If so, why?

Would you ever consider being part of a triad or polygamous family?

If you are in a polygamous family please tell us how you met, what formed your decision and a little about the dynamics of your family.

Thank you!

[girl_dee]

Wonderful thread Sachita!!

Well most of you know that I am in a Poly relationship with two wonderful people. We are unlike most poly relationships. Yes there is a BIG misconception that Poly is all about sex and just having sex with multiple partners. I love the family unit, and ours is a wonderful bond.

Poly is WORK. It takes lots of understanding and patience. It is also the most rewarding relationship I have ever been in.

I can't wait to get this discussion going.

[Sachita]

Thank you Ms Sassy! I love the concept of it all and admit that there is something very attractive about it for me and it isn't sexual but the ability to love more.

As you know I'm gonna pick your brain and of course others are welcome to ask questions and share their point of view in a respectful fashion.

Ms Sassy prior to meeting your Daddi had you been in a poly relationship or considered one?

How did you meet the people you are with now?

By work, what exactly do you mean? What are the biggest challenges and the greatest joys? Maybe a list of pro's and con's?

How many people are in your family and what roles do they play?

Do you all sleep together or take turns like in Big Love?

Do you get jealous or do others get jealous of you?

Does you family talk about adding others?

Are there any gay poly groups or support venues out there?

That's it for now! Thanks!

[Apocalipstic]

How exciting! It seems like you are reading my mind lately Sachita :)

I have tried the Poly thing a couple of times and while things did not work out, I can see where with the right combination of people it could be wonderful and filled with love and respect and harmony and freedom.

I like the idea of the Poly family more than living alone and seeing several people....which I have also done.

Maybe it is that I am not close with or to my own family.

But the idea of having more than one person to share my life with in a family setting sounds wonderful. or to be in a family setting with one person and us have other partners who are agreed on and come and go would work too.

I have no clue how it will play out, but I am so excited to have a place to discuss and ponder the infinite possibilities!

[Sachita]

How exciting! It seems like you are reading my mind lately Sachita :)

I have tried the Poly thing a couple of times and while things did not work out, I can see where with the right combination of people it could be wonderful and filled with love and respect and harmony and freedom.

I like the idea of the Poly family more than living alone and seeing several people....which I have also done.

Maybe it is that I am not close with or to my own family.

But the idea of having more than one person to share my life with in a family setting sounds wonderful. or to be in a family setting with one person and us have other partners who are agreed on and come and go would work too.

I have no clue how it will play out, but I am so excited to have a place to discuss and ponder the infinite possibilities!

Thank you for sharing. Yes, there are wonderful perks about it.

Sooooo what's the difference between a group of like minds forming a family without the sexual intimacy? What truly defines poly?

For instant let's say myself and 4 others get together, manage a household, eat together, hang out like friends, plan together and share responsibilities. We own property together, make all decisions collectively, yadda yadda... the only thing we don't do is fuck. We go to our bedrooms, sometimes we cuddle as friends but we don't bump. Are we poly?

Thanks everyone!

[Sachita]

Also those of you who are into Poly BDSM, please also chime in. Thanks


Those of you not in a poly relationship I'm curious about how you see it. Do you think it's immoral? What would you do if your partner or lover came to you and said, "I'd like to add another person to our relationship?"

[NorCalStud]

After four years my partner said she wouldn't mind having a sister wife thing. In otherwords she would be fine if I took another wife because she would have a sister. I understand the benefit for her having a sister and I can't figure out how she is okay with me making love to someone else. I'm concerned we are now not on the same page!

[Sachita]

After four years my partner said she wouldn't mind having a sister wife thing. In otherwords she would be fine if I took another wife because she would have a sister. I understand the benefit for her having a sister and I can't figure out how she is okay with me making love to someone else. I'm concerned we are now not on the same page!


have you heard of the term compersion? If not google it.


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"Compersion is a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual's current or former romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. This can be experienced as any form of erotic or emotional empathy, depending on the person experiencing the emotion.
The concept is now widespread within the polyamorous community, and was originally coined by the now defunct Kerista Commune in San Francisco.[1][2][3] The related adjective is compersive.
It is common for people within the polyamorous community to state that jealousy comes with the territory of open romantic relationships.[4] Compersion has often been referred to as "the opposite of jealousy"[2][5] and some advocates state that through time and experience, it becomes an efficient method for combating jealousy.

I'm not really a jealous person. I am naturally dominant and controlling but rarely do i get jealous over another. This doesnt mean I'll put up with deception. Oh no!

If I were in a poly family I would be like a Mom- head of household just because it's my nature. Not really a bdsm type of thing but my family members might need to enjoy being submissive and being in that type of dynamic.

Would you get jealous if she had sex with sister wife?

[girl_dee]

Thank you Ms Sassy! I love the concept of it all and admit that there is something very attractive about it for me and it isn't sexual but the ability to love more. EXACTLY. Although I do love the perks!!!

As you know I'm gonna pick your brain and of course others are welcome to ask questions and share their point of view in a respectful fashion. I welcome all questions, I love this!

Ms Sassy prior to meeting your Daddi had you been in a poly relationship or considered one? Had never been in one, neither had Daddi, it was a surprise when my Slave Sister asked Syr to keep me! Their marriage was solid, not broken or needing to fill a void when I came along. I have always adored how they love each other. I would have never ventured into a relationship that needed to be *fixed*.

How did you meet the people you are with now? I met Syr years ago on BF! We fell instantly into a D/s relationship and I have thrived on Her as my Syr for a long time. We took a break from the D/s relationship but never once did the bond break, I missed her SO much during that 3 months. I felt lost and broken. Once it was the right time we fell right back into the D/s at my begging her to be my Syr once again. She came to see me and the physical presence of Her was one I felt so wonderful in, and I think she liked me too! Still we were very very platonic! She was and is very happily married for a long time to my Spirit Sister aurora, who I have been in constant contact with over these few years. Syr and I always respected the marriage and we never ventured past a platonic D/s relationship. Their marriage always came first to me, respecting it and making sure it was honored at all time. I was needing so much of my own work to do I never wavered from that, and Syr was strictly business too. I came here as needing a place to stay in the winter from the resort that I was living in and once here, I knew I was *home*. Syr is my real life hero over and over. Once here and my Sister and I clicked instantly, she asked Syr to keep me and informed both of us that we have loved each other very deeply for a long time, that it was wonderful and OK. We were both like :|, Huh? Well she was RIGHT! I did love Syr very deeply only I had no idea what it was. I remember telling friends, *what is this connection I feel to Syr? It's so deep! *
From there, getting that permission and gift from my Sister to allow love to flow, it has, we are all three quite in love and happy. I love my Sister very deeply as she is one of the finest human beings I have ever known, and Syr, What can I say, I absolutely LOVE my Syr. Syr took me walking one day when I got here and I was so down and sad, she sat me on a rock and sat next to me, I asked if I could lay my head on her lap, she said yes and I did. That very moment I felt the zing that I knew would be forever. I am so blessed!

By work, what exactly do you mean? What are the biggest challenges and the greatest joys? Maybe a list of pro's and con's?

Work.. ahh work... well my Sister explained it quite well. Poly is like a spider web, if you get a tug on one side, the whole things shifts and moves. If one of us is *off*, we are all off. AND we have this very big need to *help* each other in this family, we are learning that not all words need an action, and sometimes just being heard is all that is needed. We never go around an issue, we plow right thru it the hard way. The plowing is hard work, words don't come easy and it's very hard to convey feelings without hurting someone, but sometimes we have to learn it's not all about us.

Challenges - Not wanting to save or help the others unless they ask for it, sometimes people just have an *off* day or are dealing with their own issues, let them deal with it unless you are asked to help. (TOUGH!)

Also sharing one bathroom can be a lil hectic for poor Syr.


Joys- The companionship and bond. I have a wonderful Sister who understands me and is patient and caring. There is NOT a mean or malicious bone in her body. She has given me the greatest gift, sharing her wonderful Syr with me on this level.

Play! We are in BDSM so enjoying play with my Sister and our very amazing Master is a new level for me. My Sister and I enjoy time with her apart and together, it's a very deep level of intimacy. When we engage together, the bond gets deeper each time.

Family- We are a family unit of 5, 3 of us are nuclear family. The bois do not live here or engage in any type of play. Daddi is Daddi to 5, Master of two slaves. The bois would do anything for any of us. The bois go back as friends with Syr before the girls came along. I love that my Syr is capable of very long term relationships, I look forward to a future of being part of this wonderful life. Syr looks after one Boi in town with the help of us girls. Syr provides a wonderful place for her to live and makes sure she has everything she needs as she needs this. This boi lives a wonderful life because of Syr that she would not have otherwise. The other boi is happily married and lives 5 min from the farm, she comes over just about daily for coffee and Daddi visits. They have both been a great help to the farm as well.

How many people are in your family and what roles do they play? See above.

Do you all sleep together or take turns like in Big Love? We sleep wherever we are told to., We each have a bedroom and we also enjoy time together. :) The Master has a Master bedroom and She decides where everyone sleeps. That is all I will say about that!

Do you get jealous or do others get jealous of you? I am not jealous because it is made sure that I have no reason to be. When I see my Syr and Sister engaging in anything, it brings me great joy. I get WAY more time with Syr than my Sister so anytime that they are together, I am very happy. They always want me to join them in whatever they are doing but I always try to be sure they have alone time if I can scatter myself for that.

Does you family talk about adding others? Syr says HELL NO. She locked the gate! With a BIG lock!

Are there any gay poly groups or support venues out there? No idea, but we are writing our own rules. It feels so very natural to me. I do believe people can love more than one person, at one time. It's never the same love, but it's a love. There is a lot to be learned on Fetlife and other places I am sure. But we do our own thing here, the way we came to be is very non traditional as far as Poly goes.

That's it for now! Thanks![/QUOTE]



:)

[girl_dee]

Thank you for sharing. Yes, there are wonderful perks about it.

Sooooo what's the difference between a group of like minds forming a family without the sexual intimacy? What truly defines poly?

For instant let's say myself and 4 others get together, manage a household, eat together, hang out like friends, plan together and share responsibilities. We own property together, make all decisions collectively, yadda yadda... the only thing we don't do is fuck. We go to our bedrooms, sometimes we cuddle as friends but we don't bump. Are we poly?

Thanks everyone!

Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.


Cuddlying is intimate to me, so YES !

Polygamy, however is not the same, to me.

[NorCalStud]

The whole everything is hard. I have a farm. Lots of people work there at once sometimes. I love family. I love connecting with people. I dont like sharing. I id as dom. Why would she want to share me. She must be lonely. Thx for listening. I realize this conversation may not be what you are looking to discuss. Please correct my vision...if you.see a chance

[girl_dee]

polyamorous:

pertaining to partipation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships


Polygamy: is a marriage which includes more than two partners

[NorCalStud]

Side bar. I know and live in the same area as around five karista members.

[princessbelle]

After four years my partner said she wouldn't mind having a sister wife thing. In otherwords she would be fine if I took another wife because she would have a sister. I understand the benefit for her having a sister and I can't figure out how she is okay with me making love to someone else. I'm concerned we are now not on the same page!


I feel i should respond to this. I hope it is ok. I was thrown into a poly relationship after being in a monogamous relationship with a woman for seven years. I was a sister wife to this new wife but not by choice exactly. My ex wanted it, i did not. But, in the end, i truely loved her and wanted her happy, so i agreed and went along with it. Long story but, i tried it. It was not a good experience for many, many reasons.

One thing that stands out about that experience more than anything was this promise to me....

If it isn't for you we can stop and go back to being monogamous.

After the first night of my partner being in the next bedroom with her new gf, i knew i didn't want it and couldn't do it. I told her immediately, but it continued. So, the line above given to me was a lie. It went down hill from there.

Four months of me begging and pleading and crying in the fetal position for her to stop, i was packing everything i could into my car and heading East. I've never looked back.

I know poly can work for the right people. I know it. I've seen it work. Communication of course is a key. But, also true detailed what ifs should be set in stone. If it don't work for you, we will stop...very, very important.

Be careful, make sure it is not a fantasy but a true reality and be totally honest with yourself and your partner. Just wanting to fullfill the other one's dreams does not neccessarily mean you can do it in the long run.

I don't mean to be a "debby downer" and again i say it can work. But, the OP is asking for all sides. Just please remember it has to be something you BOTH want and one isn't being talked into it for the sake of the other.

Peace and luck to you both...

[NorCalStud]

No luck. I'm not into it. I'm for it. Way think it is a good practice. I'm very clearly not interested for myself.

[Gráinne]

Not poly myself, but I don't find it immoral. It's obviously right for many others. It's been my experience that when one partner brings up adding a third person, it's really code for "I want to date around, but don't want to break up". As PrincessBelle said, it's down the drain after that, because one of the partners isn't 100% in the relationship.

I would have to bring this subject up with a prospective partner, and no, if she came to me later, I couldn't do it. It's not just sexual jealousy, it's emotional jealousy, too.

[girl_dee]

((((( Belle )))))

I hate that this happened to you, I remember it breaking my heart when we talked about it years ago.

I feel this way,

You are either wired for poly or you are not, either way is fine but there is no wavering from the way you are wired, I don't think one can learn to be poly if it's not in the wiring.

You are either with someone who is wired for poly or they are not. Act accordingly.

[NorCalStud]

I want to thank the responses to some feelings. The explanations have an impact on me...a good one. It gives me a modicum of understanding and quite a lot of empathy!

[sweetfemme247]

I have never been in a poly relationship, not sure I would ever be in one. but I have seen from a far sassy's and another couple here in my town that are, they seem very happy, they all have goals in life, jobs, one even has a kid..... I think its a beautiful thing.

[Sachita]

polyamorous:

pertaining to partipation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships


Polygamy: is a marriage which includes more than two partners


ok- see I didn't really know that.

[princessbelle]

((((( Belle )))))

I hate that this happened to you, I remember it breaking my heart when we talked about it years ago.

I feel this way,

You are either wired for poly or you are not, either way is fine but there is no wavering from the way you are wired, I don't think one can learn to be poly if it's not in the wiring.

You are either with someone who is wired for poly or they are not. Act accordingly.

Yes my dear Sassy you are right. You dried a few (or more) tears for me back then. Thank God i had friends on these sites that were there for me.

What you have though, is so different.

It is beautiful and i know there is a huge difference.

I am happy for you, all of you.

:)

[Sachita]

I feel i should respond to this. I hope it is ok. I was thrown into a poly relationship after being in a monogamous relationship with a woman for seven years. I was a sister wife to this new wife but not by choice exactly. My ex wanted it, i did not. But, in the end, i truely loved her and wanted her happy, so i agreed and went along with it. Long story but, i tried it. It was not a good experience for many, many reasons.

One thing that stands out about that experience more than anything was this promise to me....

If it isn't for you we can stop and go back to being monogamous.

After the first night of my partner being in the next bedroom with her new gf, i knew i didn't want it and couldn't do it. I told her immediately, but it continued. So, the line above given to me was a lie. It went down hill from there.

Four months of me begging and pleading and crying in the fetal position for her to stop, i was packing everything i could into my car and heading East. I've never looked back.

I know poly can work for the right people. I know it. I've seen it work. Communication of course is a key. But, also true detailed what ifs should be set in stone. If it don't work for you, we will stop...very, very important.

Be careful, make sure it is not a fantasy but a true reality and be totally honest with yourself and your partner. Just wanting to fullfill the other one's dreams does not neccessarily mean you can do it in the long run.

I don't mean to be a "debby downer" and again i say it can work. But, the OP is asking for all sides. Just please remember it has to be something you BOTH want and one isn't being talked into it for the sake of the other.

Peace and luck to you both...


Honey I don't think you're a debbie downer at all! What happened to you was not consensual and that is NOT what a loving relationship is about. I agree that you are with it or not. To each his/her own.

I am sure there are parameters and boundaries that are discussed but I also think that some people find it to be very natural.

I wonder if poly families are easier within a D/s context. Perhaps it is easier if someone is in control or the conductor so to speak? Anyone know?

[Glenn]

An extremely successful alpha femme I do business with has five wives. She' s currently sleeping with number five, but she still does her best to maintain emotional and financial responsibility for all of the others as well. She has purchased homes for them etc., and even though they have other lovers also, she does'nt seem to mind. They also celebrate together on special occassions just like one family.

[Sachita]

An extremely successful alpha femme I do business with has five wives. She' s currently sleeping with number five, but she still does her best to maintain emotional and financial responsibility for all of the others as well. She has purchased homes for them etc., and even though they have other lovers also, she does'nt seem to mind. They also celebrate together on special occassions just like one family.

I want a few wives. :) I need a few wives (Butch trapped in femme body?) and a butch boi. OMG the boi could be our toy. :)

But seriously I think a wife or two would work for me :)


It sounds like she has a harem and not a poly family. lol But hell I don't make any rules

[Glenn]

I've been married for thirty-five years and one is enough for me! :)

[Sachita]

Hey Sassy I want to come live with you guys. Can I be the Mommy? :) We'd have a problem with the bathroom tho. :( But I'm a hell of an angler, great cook, gardener and outdoors woman.

[Apocalipstic]

I liked the question you asked about family...people living together sharing everything and not having sex....would that be poly?

I don't know for me. Maybe it would work and maybe that is something to consider.

I am the Momi too. For I long time I thought I might be a Femme Daddy, but I do know for sure now that I am a Momi. I am not submissive at all, but like having Daddy energy around in a Momi/Daddy kind of way and I like to have a baby or girl or pool boi..etc..who is submissive to me. Even if I have a one on one relationship with someone, I like having a sidekick to do stuff with or for me. I am a handful lol.

I am jealous when lied to and manipulated, but if all info is out on the table I am really not.

Jealousy is a horrible, mind killing thing....getting past it is beautiful.

I can see where this would work well logistically with a farm, but in city life it works well too. More income, another set of hands, more love, more fun....less pressure to be the perfect daughter in law....

It takes very very confident people to live this I can tell.

Thank all of you so much for sharing, I look forward to reading more!

[girl_dee]

More input:

I know it's just a reality show but the show Sister Wives on TLC opened my eyes to a LOT of things.

The wives have their own very solid relationship outside of the husband (butch in our case)

One is a outside the home worker who brings in a financial income, that is how she serves the family. When she gets home her kids have done their homework, dinner is ready for family. She gets to enjoy them !

Second also works outside the home, she also does lots of household stuff too, this feeds her soul and she is the typical soccer mom.

Third wife, the first wife is the domesticated wife. She loves to stay home, get the house clean and wait for kids to come home from school.

My point? Each has a place and they operate like a well oiled machine.

I am the domesticated wife, who also feeds her soul with healing and bringing in some financial support.

My Sister runs a very successful clinic in which she serves this family and others everyday. I make sure she has a wonderful love filled lunch and we have a family dinner everynight, that feeds my soul.
Is it perfect? No. Is it heaven? yes.

[Sachita]

I liked the question you asked about family...people living together sharing everything and not having sex....would that be poly?

I don't know for me. Maybe it would work and maybe that is something to consider.

I am the Momi too. For I long time I thought I might be a Femme Daddy, but I do know for sure now that I am a Momi. I am not submissive at all, but like having Daddy energy around in a Momi/Daddy kind of way and I like to have a baby or girl or pool boi..etc..who is submissive to me. Even if I have a one on one relationship with someone, I like having a sidekick to do stuff with or for me. I am a handful lol.

I am jealous when lied to and manipulated, but if all info is out on the table I am really not.

Jealousy is a horrible, mind killing thing....getting past it is beautiful.

I can see where this would work well logistically with a farm, but in city life it works well too. More income, another set of hands, more love, more fun....less pressure to be the perfect daughter in law....

It takes very very confident people to live this I can tell.

Thank all of you so much for sharing, I look forward to reading more!

I think living collectively would be a type of commune. I think this is cool too and see myself living with a group of people. But I also think the concept of poly, people sharing intimate lives is really wonderful. I don't know what degree of this is for me. I'm just curious and you never know!

[girl_dee]

Hey Sassy I want to come live with you guys. Can I be the Mommy? :) We'd have a problem with the bathroom tho. :( But I'm a hell of an angler, great cook, gardener and outdoors woman.

LOL hahah.. oh my......

[Sachita]

More input:

I know it's just a reality show but the show Sister Wives on TLC opened my eyes to a LOT of things.

The wives have their own very solid relationship outside of the husband (butch in our case)

One is a outside the home worker who brings in a financial income, that is how she serves the family. When she gets home her kids have done their homework, dinner is ready for family. She gets to enjoy them !

Second also works outside the home, she also does lots of household stuff too, this feeds her soul and she is the typical soccer mom.

Third wife, the first wife is the domesticated wife. She loves to stay home, get the house clean and wait for kids to come home from school.

My point? Each has a place and they operate like a well oiled machine.

I am the domesticated wife, who also feeds her soul with healing and bringing in some financial support.

My Sister runs a very successful clinic in which she serves this family and others everyday. I make sure she has a wonderful love filled lunch and we have a family dinner everynight, that feeds my soul.
Is it perfect? No. Is it heaven? yes.

It would need to be a well oiled machine and everyone doing what inspires them in that dynamic. Some domestic, others not. If I had to do housework and laundry I think I'd get resentful and be a grumpy girl. But I am a good provider, good managing things and great at running a household as long as someone cleans. :)

I like Sister Wives but think they have too many damn kids!

[Apocalipstic]

I want to make clear that I am looking at Polyamory, not Polygamy. I did not read closely enough.

[WolfyOne]

Interesting thread and I'm enjoying the read while I wait for the dryer to stop, so I can fold sheets

Every day I learn something new whether I think I do or not
Today Sassy has brought words with definitions to this thread that I was clueless about

[girl_dee]

There is also a difference between and open poly relationship and a closed one.
We are CLOSED lol. We don't venture outside this marriage or invite others in.
I think Syr has her hands full anyway :|


Sachita you would love having a very domesticated wife. I LOVE being the more domesticated wife!! my Sister is very domesticated but 1) She does not love housework like I do and 2) She runs a business outside the home, the girl is spread so thin now! She also runs a yoga/dance class once a week, lots of stuff to keep her busy and enjoy life!


I was given the domestic duties once I came here to stay for a while, I LOVE IT!!!!! *Kisses Syr's boots* for giving me this. Now everyone can relax and leave that mess in the sink because it's dee's job to take care of. I love giving this back to people that have done everything in the world for me!

We run a farm here, Syr runs the farm, I help. It's neverending chores, especially in the summer...Sister runs her clinic, I will be joining her very soon as I do bodywork too, so we will connect on that level at her clinic too! How blessed I am!

I am the one who makes sure everyone has a good meal to eat, the groceries are stocked, shirts are ironed (YUM), the house is clean, the dogs are fed and well, etc etc. I like that they come into a fairly clean house while they are out making this place happen. Our nightly family dinner is the highlight of my day. Meals are not on the run and we have quality time together to talk about our day.

As Syr's slave and *housewife* I have received an allowance for the work I do here, soon I will be generating somewhat of an income but for now how lucky I am! They actually want to pay me for what I do! LOL it's such a joy I can't even imagine ....

[Sachita]

Thank you sweetie! And let's not forget all the awesome fishing trips! lol You are a lucky girl.

I believe the times have and are changing. If ever there was a time to gather and build micro communities or families it's now. We really need to look at the larger picture. Loving more then one person is something we all do or have done. Who doesn't want more love? Do we allow sex to determine how or if we will have a connection with others? Am I making any sense here? lol maybe not

Ok let's use some examples of family/relationship models:

Loving Commune: 3 couples living together. Collectively they elect who will be responsible for what. They pool their income together, all work together just like any family. At night they each go to their rooms. They all share love, home, family but they are monogamous couples.

Open Triad: 3 people sharing, living, sleeping together, having sex, pooling income and yet they are free to date and have sex with people outside the triad as long as they are safe.

Goddess Collective: Small collective of goddess type spiritual women living together, home, sharing, loving, much like the Loving Commune but they have a small collection of boi's and girls (submissive) sort of like their loving little minions. lol- Ok this is my fantasy! sorry, couldn't help myself!

Polygamous Family- Completely committed to each other in every way, sacred marriage, shared income, shared living, each has their own room, one is the primary who has sex with them all but they are mono only have sex with the primary.

Poly Celibate - Living, loving, sharing, intimate but no one is having sex. They are committed to celibacy and spiritual, however they are very intimate in sharing love. Yes, there are some groups like this!

what else? Can you think of any?

[girl_dee]

I will think on that last post, I am sure there are many. There is a whole different level of Kink based Poly I feel.

Well poly is a VERY cost effective way to run a household! Lots of wives doing the work for efficiency, one larger household to support rather than multiple. The farm here is the *hub* in our family, everyone congregates here, which is what I love.

I am never quite sure what to call the house "leader" as a general.. I guess it would apply to the situation, We have a Master here, who is also Lord and Master, Syr, Daddi.. She is the Dominant force for sure. We are sometimes consulted with and we have family talks all the time, always bringing info and questions to the table in which we make decisions on, BUT the last word is Syr's and that is always respected and honored. )The sign says *Because Daddi says so, thats why* )

Basically what She (Syr) wants is for us to be happy. She would like for us to work out things between us and make for a happy home, which we strive for. Now and then we need Syr to sort things out but the best case scenario is when the wives manage to keep things running smoothly without the Dominant referring a cat fight or drama llama episodes. My Sister and I talk quite a bit and we are learning that not everything needs to go to Syr, and some things should go to Syr. If so we talk about the *approach* LOL.

It can work, It does take the right people though, one bad apple and permanent damage can happen. As I keep saying, this is the most natural way to live for me. I am glad I was not first wife, I love being the *lagniappe*,( the extra gift), They had a long solid relationship when I entered and no one was looking for a *new girl* to have fun with, but boy has it been fun being the new girl! My Sister has made my being here a good thing and yes we have had struggles but we overcome each one because we come from a place of love, not malice.

I am also thinking that things change.. evolve.. we are ! We do things now we didn't do in the beginning and vice versa,..

Also in the summer we are very busy and tired,,, long play /sex / cuddling sessions are just not in the schedule, we DO find time for fun but long winter days give us much more intimate times.. :winky:

[Apocalipstic]

Thank you sweetie! And let's not forget all the awesome fishing trips! lol You are a lucky girl.

I believe the times have and are changing. If ever there was a time to gather and build micro communities or families it's now. We really need to look at the larger picture. Loving more then one person is something we all do or have done. Who doesn't want more love? Do we allow sex to determine how or if we will have a connection with others? Am I making any sense here? lol maybe not

Ok let's use some examples of family/relationship models:

Loving Commune: 3 couples living together. Collectively they elect who will be responsible for what. They pool their income together, all work together just like any family. At night they each go to their rooms. They all share love, home, family but they are monogamous couples.

Open Triad: 3 people sharing, living, sleeping together, having sex, pooling income and yet they are free to date and have sex with people outside the triad as long as they are safe.

Goddess Collective: Small collective of goddess type spiritual women living together, home, sharing, loving, much like the Loving Commune but they have a small collection of boi's and girls (submissive) sort of like their loving little minions. lol- Ok this is my fantasy! sorry, couldn't help myself!

Polygamous Family- Completely committed to each other in every way, sacred marriage, shared income, shared living, each has their own room, one is the primary who has sex with them all but they are mono only have sex with the primary.

Poly Celibate - Living, loving, sharing, intimate but no one is having sex. They are committed to celibacy and spiritual, however they are very intimate in sharing love. Yes, there are some groups like this!

what else? Can you think of any?

I like the Goddess with minions idea! Minions make me happy! :)

I can't picture me on a farm though. I am pretty city.

[Chazz]

I've had two poly relationships. They worked for awhile. In the end, I found that poly relationships required more time, energy and emotional processing than I could manage.

Though I genuinely loved the people involved, I was never "in love" with any of them.

When I'm "in-love" with a woman, I'm wired for monogamy. For me, monogamy represents a kind of intimacy that allows me to flourish.

[Chazz]

I like the Goddess with minions idea! Minions make me happy! :)

I can't picture me on a farm though. I am pretty city.

How 'bout a farm with a McDonalds and a shoe store?

[Sachita]

I've had two poly relationships. They worked for awhile. In the end, I found that poly relationships required more time, energy and emotional processing than I could manage.

Though I genuinely loved the people involved, I was never "in love" with any of them.

When I'm "in-love" with a woman, I'm wired for monogamy. For me, monogamy represents a kind of intimacy that allows me to flourish.


you hit the nail on the head for me. Although I could live happily with people I love in a poly household, I most likely would look for a deeper connection with one I was in love with. When I'm in that space I see no one else.

but until then..... love the one your with!

[Apocalipstic]

How 'bout a farm with a McDonalds and a shoe store?

The shoe store might help and maybe a bagle place with great coffee? Oh and no actual farming, fishing, hunting...maybe a pool and a hot tub?

you hit the nail on the head for me. Although I could live happily with people I love in a poly household, I most likely would look for a deeper connection with one I was in love with. When I'm in that space I see no one else.

but until then..... love the one your with!

I have really deep connections with several people, I wonder if piling all that expectation on one person (me) is more than I can handle. Maybe if there were more than just me to help carry the load, I would not feel so guilty when I am not perfect, or all there, or traveling a lot...etc...

[girl_dee]

This is what I love about multiple partner marriages...

Syr and love fishing, my Sister well she likes to be in the boat but not so much of fishing..so she prefers not to go most times..

Syr and I go out fishing, Sister stays home minding the dog pack and doing her personal chores etc. We call her when we are on the way home and she makes warm coffee and crepes for us..

She is our little fishing cheerleader from home, very glad that Syr and I are doing what we like to do, and she is happy to help by minding the farm while we are out there...

That is what poly is about to me, everyone doing what they like to do and coming together at the end of the day...

[NorCalStud]

I like communal living. I have done it before. It works. I have a goal of being as loving toward people as possible...no holding bak. I'm into love and expressing it when felt. Not sexual love with others more spiritual. I notice as humans we seem afraid to show how we feel or if we do lovingly take someone's face in hands, look rite into their eyes and say I love you and you rock and that is it..love expressed thru voice and no sexual expression..then it seems confusing and generally needs talking about. We are learning, hopefully, how to be together in this wonderful lifetime. Xxoo

[Martina]

i am poly, but i am a submissive to both of the other people in the relationship. They are married to one another. They are both women, one butch and one femme.

i am not like Sassy in that i am not another partner. i also don't live with them.

Poly has been good for me. My last two relationships were poly. Poly works when the relationships work, i find. Just like any other relationship. If you are getting your needs met and are having a good time, the poly drama is usually not that distracting. If things aren't working out, it's just one more damn thing to make it miserable.

[Sachita]

i am poly, but i am a submissive to both of the other people in the relationship. They are married to one another. They are both women, one butch and one femme.

i am not like Sassy in that i am not another partner. i also don't live with them.

Poly has been good for me. My last two relationships were poly. Poly works when the relationships work, i find. Just like any other relationship. If you are getting your needs met and are having a good time, the poly drama is usually not that distracting. If things aren't working out, it's just one more damn thing to make it miserable.

Does being in the relationship with the married couple meet your needs? What would be ideal for you?

The pagans have a great hand fasting phrase- "Love as thy will until you love no more." IN essence it really means until the passion leaves. But IMO perhaps love is always present. Does sex create a deeper love bond or are we simply romanticizing lust and passion? Because too often the passion goes and soon after the love seems to dissolve.

I love the idea of communal living but I'm unsure if I can do it. For me to share space with almost anyone, at this a point in my life, I must share the same values. All relationships have a meeting of the minds even if its clouded by passion at times. Its when you sudden realize you have nothing else in common that you step back and reevaluate the relationship.

I wonder if people have poly type arrangements without sex? It seems to me this would be an intense journey and one full of commitment.

[Martina]

Does being in the relationship with the married couple meet your needs? What would be ideal for you?



It does. i frequently seek out a position as the second. i am an only child and a crone. i need my independence. Ironically, this gives me that. i also get to love and devote myself to an appreciative Other. Others in this case. Ma'am and Sir come before most things. But i have a life separate from them. A happy life of work and friends. i kinda need that.

When i was partnered, i'd get into these codep relationships in which i'd give and give and my girlfriend would suck me dry. In D/s, i get to devote myself to another, worship Them, do almost anything for Them, and They make sure i don't get lost in that. They don't take it all as some of my lovers have done. They make sure i have a healthy balanced life.

[Sachita]

It does. i frequently seek out a position as the second. i am an only child and a crone. i need my independence. Ironically, this gives me that. i also get to love and devote myself to an appreciative Other. Others in this case. Ma'am and Sir come before most things. But i have a life separate from them. A happy life of work and friends. i kinda need that.

When i was partnered, i'd get into these codep relationships in which i'd give and give and my girlfriend would suck me dry. In D/s, i get to devote myself to another, worship Them, do almost anything for Them, and They make sure i don't get lost in that. They don't take it all as some of my lovers have done. They make sure i have a healthy balanced life.

You know that makes sense to me. I also think that is why so many people get caught up in long distance online relationships. I'm sure its the original intent but they can have all the feelings of love, passion, devotion and belong without the day to day responsibility of a relationship.

One of the main reasons I feel I am not in a relationship is that I don't want to give up my "space" and the truth is that I can spend days a lone. You can be in the same house with me and you may not see me or know I'm there. In my past D/s relationships I felt drained. As much as I enjoy the dynamic of D/s I step back because of this. I often wondered if poly relationships could be a solution for this and if so would it make it impossible for two people to fully bond and connect. Does that make sense?

I feel that it will take a special person(s) for me to share space with. They would need to be mature, open-minded, emotionally sound and also enjoy their space.

[Martina]

i feel pretty bonded and connected. As time goes by, more and more. It's different than a partnership. Some things are more intense or are present that may not be there with a partner. Depends on the relationship. Some things aren't.

[girl_dee]

It does. i frequently seek out a position as the second. i am an only child and a crone. i need my independence. Ironically, this gives me that. i also get to love and devote myself to an appreciative Other. Others in this case. Ma'am and Sir come before most things. But i have a life separate from them. A happy life of work and friends. i kinda need that.

When i was partnered, i'd get into these codep relationships in which i'd give and give and my girlfriend would suck me dry. In D/s, i get to devote myself to another, worship Them, do almost anything for Them, and They make sure i don't get lost in that. They don't take it all as some of my lovers have done. They make sure i have a healthy balanced life.


I could not have said this better myself, thank you.

[girl_dee]

You know that makes sense to me. I also think that is why so many people get caught up in long distance online relationships. I'm sure its the original intent but they can have all the feelings of love, passion, devotion and belong without the day to day responsibility of a relationship.

One of the main reasons I feel I am not in a relationship is that I don't want to give up my "space" and the truth is that I can spend days a lone. You can be in the same house with me and you may not see me or know I'm there. In my past D/s relationships I felt drained. As much as I enjoy the dynamic of D/s I step back because of this. I often wondered if poly relationships could be a solution for this and if so would it make it impossible for two people to fully bond and connect. Does that make sense?

I feel that it will take a special person(s) for me to share space with. They would need to be mature, open-minded, emotionally sound and also enjoy their space.

If you enjoy your own space poly could be a challenge if living under the same roof.. is that what you would want...

[Sachita]

In D/s, i get to devote myself to another, worship Them, do almost anything for Them, and They make sure i don't get lost in that. They don't take it all as some of my lovers have done. They make sure i have a healthy balanced life.

This is the sign of mastery. An artful top can monitor the journey and has the gift of perception. You can't take power unless you are powerful. You can't take the essence of someone unless you truly earn it.