Click.... when we knew we were feminists

[Kobi]

I am reading a book called "Click. When we knew we were feminists" by Martin and Sullivan.

It is an anthology of stories by women and a man about the events surrounding the moment when the lightbulb clicked and they knew they were feminists. Some stories are sweet, some sad, some maddening, all educational.

So, I'm wondering, what were the events surrounding your Click! moment?

For me, it was a Sunday back in the early 60's. My Dad, a stereotypical macho Italian man, was driving me and my brothers home from our weekly visit to the Grandparents. My Mom was home recovering from recent surgery.

When we were almost home, I asked my Dad to drop me off at my cousins cuz I wanted to go play. I was greeted with a tirade on his expectations of me as the girl/female when my Mother was sick. It blossomed into his overall expectations of females period.

I was 6 years old. That was the moment I knew I was a feminist.

And you?

[The_Lady_Snow]

My Abuelita introduced me to her Coven, a bunch of women from the vecindades around her were all there. They were discussing politics, households and some of their families. My Abuelta refered to my Mom as a non feminista and pointed to me saying " she'll ruin la pulga" if I don't keep doing what I'm doing. My Abuelita paved that road for me..

[Nat]

My mother - who doesn't describe or think of herself as a feminist - made it pretty impossible for me not to be a feminist. My dad left when I was 3, and my (very strong) mom dealt. She moves mountains. And she talked to me about her experiences being treated as though she were stupid at work and also being blatantly sexually harrassed at her first job. After her divorce, she said she would never remarry, and although she dated, she was clear about not wanting to be serious. She doesn't suffer fools and she doesn't put up with bs. Since my first memories of her, she went from being a secretary to getting 2 masters degrees, having a full and rewarding career while researcying for and writing a book (non-fiction, history). She's also an artist who has over the years made some beautiful art and had some really interesting hobbies. She's also a musician who plays both the cello and the viola di gamba. She's interested and curious about the world and about life and nature and how things work. She's just awesome and a powerhouse.

I am not a powerhouse in the same vein, but with her as an example there was never a time when a blatantly sexist statement couldn't be counteracted by my own mother's realness.

I think the first time I remember being really offended by sexism was when my 8th grade spanish teacher stated to our class that she would never vote for a woman president because women's periods make them crazy.

The sense of indignance and feeling of betrayal that a woman, a teacher, would say that to our class - pissed me off enormously. It still pisses me off. So I guess if there was a *click* it was that.

[Julie]

My Dad... Growing up he was the epitome of misogyny. He used women as he wanted and really had no issue with it. Not until he had me. He always said, he knew I was different (then my sister) and wanted so much more for me. Not that he didn't want that for my sister -- we just had a different relationship.

He taught me to be strong and to NEVER sell my soul to the man or to the machine.

So, this sexist - this man who saw women as mere sex objects and women to fulfill his needs in his castle - taught me to be the most amazing strong woman imaginable. Perhaps I was his lesson. He died a feminist. I am proud.

[Starbuck]

Growing up I followed in the footsteps of my mother, the man brings home the bacon, you're a housewife, he has the last say, he's right, you're wrong...that's the kind of attitude that got me into an abusive marriage. I will not detail the horrors of that marraige here but I ended up with PTSD from it, have cut my wrists over that and when I've seen my dad and mom get into fights, been in the psych unit 10 (yes 10) times because of this shit. *CLICK*

I've been in therapy for over three years now and there ain't NO man gonna tell this girl what's what! I don't care if you're my father or a stranger on the street I WILL stand up to you, whether for me, or another woman I see. I don't play! Whoa...I had to take a break for a second there, I got all worked up and angry again; had to watch the birds to calm down.

[Violette]

Wow, so many times I shook my head as a child. I was raised in a house with mostly boys. I was raised *to be a girl*. I was responsible for most of the house work. I had a different set of rules I had to live by (much more restrictive). I was told that if I wanted to go to college, it would not be paid for (and my father said he wouldn't co-sign loans)...I remember my mom saying that she would never go to a female doctor...the list goes on and on.

I had several jobs to work my way through college. I remember one disgusting guy sexually harassing me and thinking to myself: 1. What a shit head, 2. I deserve better than this, and 3. It dawned on my how much I undervalued myself as a woman, person, worker, human being. I knew something had to change.

When I finally worked my way to university, I became very active in our women's center. I loved that setting. So, I guess it took something disgusting to make it finally click for me. I know I cam to the party a bit late because of how I was raised. Thank goodness something inside of me told me I was of value. It has taken many years of therapy to really know how valuable I am...and still sometimes I forget, but only momentarily.

[Violette]

Growing up I followed in the footsteps of my mother, the man brings home the bacon, you're a housewife, he has the last say, he's right, you're wrong...that's the kind of attitude that got me into an abusive marriage. I will not detail the horrors of that marraige here but I ended up with PTSD from it, have cut my wrists over that and when I've seen my dad and mom get into fights, been in the psych unit 10 (yes 10) times because of this shit. *CLICK*

I've been in therapy for over three years now and there ain't NO man gonna tell this girl what's what! I don't care if you're my father or a stranger on the street I WILL stand up to you, whether for me, or another woman I see. I don't play! Whoa...I had to take a break for a second there, I got all worked up and angry again; had to watch the birds to calm down.



Well done, you!! You are walking a brave walk!

[*Anya*]

I had a couple of half-clicks before the full-click.

Never made sense to me as the girl child that I had to cook dinners, set the table, wash dishes, clean the house, wash the clothes, iron and my two brothers only had the take the garbage out!

Then, I got married to escape prison life only to join another. My ex-husband wanted me to wash & iron all his dress/casual shirts and hang them according to color in his closet. I asked why? Answer: "that's your job as my wife".

One day I went to the library and found a book called: "Sisterhood is Powerful". Hello!

I joined NOW, started holding Consciousness Raising groups in my livingroom, refused to accept his abuse (physical & mental) and the full-click turned in my head. Once you see-you can never unsee but nor would I ever want to be without sight again either.

[Julie]

This topic has given me much thought about how I am as a feminist and how I walk through my world. On a day to day basis, I walk among men and women. I defer to no one. I know who I am and I also know the power I wield in my world. I am a mother, who has raised 3 sons to be feminist and should they ever objectify a woman or treat her less than… I would be filled with shame.

Yet, here I am. I have had these conversations with many of my Femme sisters. Those same sisters who are strong and powerful women…. Feminist. With some of these sisters of mine, I share a similar craving. A place where I can let go of all the power I myself have created. A place where I can in fact submit and yes, be objectified by that beautiful masculine energy. To be with a partner who would never think of letting me take the garbage out – the same garbage I would take out, if I were alone.

Am I less of a feminist, when I expect my partner to fill the gas tank? Or to stand when I leave the table. To open the doors for me, and step aside as I walk in? Am I less of a feminist because I crave to dress in the most sexualizing way I can, knowing it will in fact create the exact essence I am wanting? That I might use my body to induce arousal, in a most feminizing way? I am using my body and my most seductive ways to create this.

It’s interesting to me. To be a woman who has created a great power around her, yet to be the same woman who craves one person to give it all to. To be objectified in the most delicious manner!

Is it possible to be both? (for me, I know the answer).

Am I a feminist when I know how to use my body, to sometimes get what I want? To use my wiles and manipulation… Of course, I am not fooling anyone. Those who partner with me, know I wish to be objectified. However, does this change who I am and how I demand equality and respect?

Thank you Kobi – This is an interesting conversation – One of which has given me great thought. I am curious as to how others feel. Are women in our community considered less than, because of how we might in fact choose to wear that apron with nothing on under it… While we remove the meatloaf from the oven and serve another.

[BullDog]

Great topic and great posts. I think my feminism really started in 1969 when the astronauts landed on the moon. It's funny because I was just talking about this earlier on the phone today. I can still remember watching that on a small black and white tv when I was 7 years old. I really wanted to be an astronaut. I asked my Dad (who is in no way, shape or form a feminist) if girls could be astronauts. He said yes. That made me happy and I continued to drink Tang and eat space food snacks and dream of being an astronaut, a cowboy, a writer and working at an ice cream parlor.

I grew up in a very traditional household where my mother was a housewife and father was the breadwinner and was a misogynist. However I also was given trucks instead of dolls when I asked for them, and allowed to be a tomboy and encouraged and praised for doing well in school. I grew up thinking girls could be whatever they wanted to be- girls and women having no limitations on who they are or can be- to me that is the epitome of feminism.

In response to what Julie wrote, I consider myself a feminist Dom so I certainly think a submissive woman can be a feminist and powerful as well. To me the energy exchange is one of empowerment. I have deep respect for submissives. I think it takes great strength, among other qualities, to be one. A submissive woman can be a tender hearted baby girl, a sensual, sexy woman who knows how to work her femininity to get what she wants, have a deep desire to submit and serve, and at the same time be a kick ass professional woman, mother who has raised children, and someone people constantly turn to for advice. I think a feminist submissive certainly knows the difference between dominant and domineering and makes her choice accordingly.

[princessbelle]

What a great topic Kobi!!! Great reading here and so inspiring!!!

My growing up life was like many here, due to our age i suppose. My dad was head of household but my mom always worked. She then had to keep house, take care of me and my brother as well. She had relatively no help at all from my Dad. It was just how it was in many households back then.

I can remember one of the first things that drove me crazy was the mail. The mail would come addressed to Mr and Mrs. so and so and had my dad's first name and our last name. Also, when she would talk to someone she was say i'm Mrs. (insert my dad's first name) then our last name. I can remember arguing with my mom about it when i was around 10. "Why do you do that". "Where is your identity". "Use your name". It used to drive me insane!!!!!

I've never once thought that being a woman, i should not do anything i've wanted. Not sure that came from my family though. I think it came from within me somewhere deep.

As far as being submissive and being a feminist; Just as Bulldog and Julie have said, it takes great strength to give someone your submission. If it is ever done through weakness i don't see how it would work at all. Also, the difference is...it is my CHOICE. I CHOOSE to do this, when i do it. It is not taken from me. Therefore i keep my feminist identity of power, intelligence, strength, wisdom, capabilities, and professionalism right along with me on my path as a submissive.

It's a wild ride and a great journey.... :)

[SecretAgentMa'am]

I'm not sure I actually have a Click moment. If I do, I can't think of it. I was raised in a very religious place (Bountiful, UT - about 98% Mormon), and my mom was devout in many ways, but she never really fit the mold that I can remember. She divorced my father when I was 5 and she was still pregnant with my little sister. The church leaders told her that the divorce was entirely her fault, that my dad wouldn't cheat or hit her if she'd just be a better wife, she brought it on herself. She never believed them. One of my earliest memories was when a very, very restrictive abortion bill was before the state legislature, and my mom took me with her to the protest rally at the capitol. I think I was 6 or 7 at the time. I got a lot of conflicting messages growing up. At home, mom raised me to be a socially conscious feminist. At school and church, I got the standard messages about getting married and having babies, wives submitting to their husbands, temple marriage being the only valid choice for women, women existing to serve men. I firmly believe that it doesn't matter what kids are taught in the wider world, what they learn at home is what sticks.

[nycfem]

I grew up with my dad dominating my mom (and not in the fun way). I used to have panic attacks as I listened to him control her. When I was in high school in suburban Ohio, I found a book in my school library, a massive anthology called "Radical Feminism" published in 1973 (the year after I was born). Thank Goddess for that because it became my Bible! I was particularly intrigued by the essays on Radical Lesbianism Feminism. That is absolutely when I became a feminist, and I began seeking out as much feminist lesbian literature as I could at our local women's/lesbian bookstore, in the "bad" part of town, a wonderful place that no longer exists called "Crazy Ladies."

When I got to college, I remember I'd even introduce myself by saying, "I'm Jennifer, and I'm a radical lesbian feminist." I was fiercely taken by this whole way of thinking and being that was so different than what I saw in my house, my school, and in my community growing up. In college I set up an independent study with a lesbian feminist professor on Lesbian Separatism. I read as much as I could about wimmin's land and the whole radically matriarchal way of life. I was so empowered by what felt like wholly undiluted feminism.

As I got older, I parted ways with a number of aspects of 1970's radical lesbian feminism, particularly with separatism. Butch/Femme was not universally accepted (though it was in some circles), nor was BDSM or bisexuality or trans politics. Because of this, separatist politics became much too narrow for me to fully subscribe to, but I am still thankful for what I learned in this movement. 1970's radical lesbian feminism opened up a whole world to me, and still informs my perspective to this day.

[The_Lady_Snow]

OMG Jennifer I love loved Crazy Ladies!!! I bartended a few times for Donna @ Bullfishes and hung out at The Serpent!!!

Upstairs Crazy Ladies had ledgers filled with tri-state lesbian herstory!!!


Small world it is we live in!

[Kätzchen]

I want to say that I must have been born into feminist ways because there are a cajillion family photographs capturing my look of objecting to male power, control and privilige in my own family.

It wasn't until I learned in covert ways about a lesbian couple - not out, back in the days of the early 60s: they both taught at a private college in a nearby town where our family worshipped together in the same church and we used to go help them take care of their property. Somehow, both women must have identified me as being 'family'. They weren't out because it would have cost them their ability to earn a living and damage their hard-won reputation as professors. It wasn't until much later in life when one of the women (having survived the death of her long time lover and partner) entered into a facility where my mother was a director of nursing. My mother was giving me a tour of the facility and she was a resident of that nursing home (this was years ago) and made the comment that she (the woman we knew for years) would not recognize me, but she did! She took me aside and "never give up your power, ever."

I'll never forget her or her partner who nurtured me privately for years.

[AtLast]

I was pretty young, about8 or 9. It was when my maternal Grandmother met my Grandpa at the door as he completed his last day of his working life. She (a "First Wave" suffragist that worked for the women's right to vote in the 1920's) untied her apron and tossed it over to him and said (in very broken English)- "I'm retired too." From then on he cooked and cleaned the house and she worked in the yard and garden. Actually, this worked out well as he was the better of the cook and she had one hell of a green thumb. Besides, I grew up in an extended family and we all had specific duties and chores as a family unit. And we all contributed to the "family." I kind of feel like my roots were pretty feminist with this kind of cultural and ethnic background. We all worked in some form in the family business as it progressed- I picked up garbage cans along side my Dad and brother in the early days when he started out.

[Soft*Silver]

my two male cousins and I were around the same age. We did everything together! We hiked in the woods, hung from trees, waded in creeks, etc. Then one summer..dammit...when I threw off my shirt because it was too hot, I got scolded. I was a girl. SO WHAT? I was a girl the years before that and I was allowed to take off my shirt. But now, suddenly, I was not. Pffffttt on that social taboo! The moment that really clicked for me, tho was when they got bows and arrows for xmas. And I did not. I got a white cardigan sweater. The year before we got canteens and helmets with flaslights on them! And this year I get a cardigan????

I should have grown up butch but I love my silk and lace and make up! LOL...

oh, and to Ms Snow...how about Fan the Flames?

[CherylNYC]

I was 6 years old and watching the Flintstones on TV. It was 1968. I remember suddenly becoming enraged at the rigid gender roles that were portrayed, and I instantly decided to boycott the show. In that crystal clear moment I understood that the television was promoting and enforcing oppression of women, and that people who watched it would learn by watching that the way the cartoon characters were acting was the 'right way' to act. I never forgot that moment. I still don't have or watch television.

My father had a lot invested in convincing me that men were just better at certain things. I remember him telling me how embarrassing Billie Jean King's showing was in her match with Bobby Riggs. He told me that it proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that men were superior. Later I found out that she beat him handily in straight sets. My father was so vehement in his negativity that I was sure she must have lost!

My mother claimed to be a feminist and told my sister and I that we could be anything we wanted. We were expected to go to college and become professionals in some respectable field at which we would most certainly excel. (Being an artist does NOT count as respectable.) At the same time, she told us that if we wanted to go to college we would have to get scholarships. They would find the money to send my brother to college. Unlike us, he would have to support a family, after all. You can imagine my fury. My mother told me that she was a feminist, BUT....

[Jess]

Second grade. I had joined the Brownies. It was about half way or a little more through the school year when we got our uniforms and were to wear them to school for a meeting immediately after school was out.

Kevin, a boy in my class who I usually played basketball/ kickball whatever with, walks up to me when I arrived in my uniform ( mind you, I had shorts on under it) and yells mockingly: " You Got a GIRLS dress on". I punched him in the face explaining quite vehemently that " I AM a girl!". Short trip to principal's office and I came back quite entrenched in feminism.

[lettertodaddy]

I don't mean this to sound confrontational at all, but I'm a black woman who grew up in the South and I came from a long line of Black Southern women. I don't think I've ever not been a feminist for those reasons.

[*Anya*]

I don't mean this to sound confrontational at all, but I'm a black woman who grew up in the South and I came from a long line of Black Southern women. I don't think I've ever not been a feminist for those reasons.

Not confrontational at all LD! Each of us knows for ourselves how and when our eyes were opened.

[Quintease]

My mum was supposed to have been a feminist yet I grew up such an angry teen as it wasn't feminism I saw in our house. I was the one she was expecting to cook and clean, while trying to stop me from hanging out with my friends. My brothers were given bikes, expensive toys and all the freedom they could ever want.

Guess who it was that wildly rebelled.

It took a long time, but luckily my mum and I are friends now. She's even admitted to me that she didn't know any other way when she first got married and had kids. She just wanted me to have a happy life and she thought that meant being a good wife and mother. I just thank my lucky stars I turned out to be a lesbian *phew*

[Estella]

I do not remember a time when I wasn't a feminist. My mother was very involved in the women's movement of the 1970's, or as involved as one can be from Platteville, Wisconsin. One of my earliest memories is being in the crowd at an ERA rally in Texas, shouting "hey hey waddaya say, ratify the ERA!" I was probably six or seven. But my "click" moment happened in the third grade, when a substitute teacher was making some sort of remark about ladies. I raised my hand and pointed out that my mother wasn't a lady, she was a woman. What's funny is that I subsequently ran into this teacher, now quite elderly, while I was in high school (veeeery small town) and she actually remembered this incident. She laughed about it, in a sort of weren't-you-a-silly-impertinent-little-girl way. My mother also raised me to be polite, and I saw no point in challenging the old woman.

[Bad_boi]

I don't really think I could ever be a feminist. I would rather be a gender equalist. I see females as equals. Some feminists twist it and wind up hating males and that is the same problem just reversed. (not saying ALL feminists do this) Sexism is sexism. One thing that really bugs me is when a woman will get mad at me for holding a door open or something of the kind. I help people because it is nice. It does not matter to me the person's gender. If they are behind me I am not letting the door hit them and that is really the bottom line there.

[Sparkle]

I have the Catholic Church to thank for my feminism.

I was born "out of wedlock" to my still-in-catholic-high-school taught-by-nuns mother when she was barely 18. My very catholic grandmother was very concerned for my soul; consequently I was in church with her from the time I was an infant and I was enrolled in church school from the moment they would take me.

At age 6, when I discovered that I could neither be a priest nor an altar boy I was shocked and taken aback, when I was told I could not hold those roles BECAUSE I was girl - I was disgusted and appalled. (and I still remember that moment distinctly). I spent the next ten years of my religious education questioning the rationale of every sexist policy, practice and story in the books.

[Dominique]

I don't really think I could ever be a feminist. I would rather be a gender equalist. I see females as equals. Some feminists twist it and wind up hating males and that is the same problem just reversed. (not saying ALL feminists do this) Sexism is sexism. One thing that really bugs me is when a woman will get mad at me for holding a door open or something of the kind. I help people because it is nice. It does not matter to me the person's gender. If they are behind me I am not letting the door hit them and that is really the bottom line there.

Hey Bad_Boi....I am going to ask you to elaborate a little further (please)
on the part I changed to red. I find it confusing. Anti woman sentiment. Thank you.

[weatherboi]

the whole point to this thread is to celebrate feminism. it is a mystery to me why you would choose to come in here and share this particular opinion. why come in and share your NONfeminist point of view in a thread that is focusing on the complete opposite? how is this relevant?
can you please clarify why you would come into this thread and insult some of our feminists (not saying ALL feminists will be insulted).


I don't really think I could ever be a feminist. I would rather be a gender equalist. I see females as equals. Some feminists twist it and wind up hating males and that is the same problem just reversed. (not saying ALL feminists do this) Sexism is sexism. One thing that really bugs me is when a woman will get mad at me for holding a door open or something of the kind. I help people because it is nice. It does not matter to me the person's gender. If they are behind me I am not letting the door hit them and that is really the bottom line there.

[Dominique]

the whole point to this thread is to celebrate feminism. it is a mystery to me why you would choose to come in here and share this particular opinion. why come in and share your NONfeminist point of view in a thread that is focusing on the complete opposite? how is this relevant?
can you please clarify why you would come into this thread and insult some of our feminists (not saying ALL feminists will be insulted).

Thank-you weatherboi. Always the Gentleman, I was starting to think I was being overly sensitive.

[*Anya*]

fem·i·nism
[-i-niz-uhm]
- noun 1. support of social, political, and economic rights for women equal to those of men

Thank you Weatherboi.

It was inappropriate to post an anti-feminist statement in a thread supportive of said topic.

[Quintease]

fem·i·nism
[-i-niz-uhm]
- noun 1. support of social, political, and economic rights for women equal to those of men

Thank you Weatherboi.

It was inappropriate to post an anti-feminist statement in a thread supportive of said topic.

I'm not so sure. I consider myself a feminist, yet just the other day I had a rant on a blog about 'man-hating' feminists getting involved in the sex worker movement - in that I don't think their involvement is appropriate. How can any woman who hates men be involved in any movement that involves women interacting with men, loving men or transitioning to be men?

The trouble with feminism that is against men rather than for women, is that it is often Louder than regular feminism and thus becomes the 'face' of feminism. So part of MY feminism is rejecting the oppression of women by other women.

[Cin]

I don’t think there is a kind of feminism whose definition is that it is against men. I don’t think there is a kind of lesbianism that is against men either. I think there may be people who identify a certain way that may be against men. They may be against puppies, chocolate or rainbows as well but I doubt anyone would advocate that puppy-hater, chocolate-hater or rainbow-hater, in the case of feminists who hate them, should be added to the word feminist and made into a type of feminism. I think there may be men or women, for that matter, who are any number of things, perhaps they are straight or queer or trans or religious or republican or roofers or sports writers who are also misogynist. That does not mean roofers or queers or any of the other things I mentioned should include women hater in their definition. I don’t think it is right and certainly it is not prudent to confuse the purpose and meaning of feminism and instead to define it by the actions of some feminists.

As women we are heirs to a legacy built by women’s libbers and the suffragettes who came before them. Most women will profess to believe in equal pay for equal work, in a woman’s right to choose, in the chance to play on athletic teams, run businesses, graduate from college, enter graduate school, run for public office etc., but if asked if they are a feminist, many will answer that they are not. They hold feminist views but reject the feminist label. Odd? Not really. Feminism has ended up with a rather nasty reputation.

But I suppose when you consider the size of the machine and the enormous power behind it that feminism had to face when it began it’s slow move toward both the vote and some semblance of equality, and add to that the extremely powerless position women were in at the time, it’s more than amazing that we have managed to come this far. Bad press was probably the least of our problems. But more than a hundred years of scare tactics designed to deter women from embracing the ideas of feminism have failed. But the sacrifice to the god of patriarchy seems to have been the term itself. Most women do embrace feminist ideas and ideals. It is identifying as a feminist that is unappealing.

I just think in a world where honor killings, acid attacks, female genital mutilation and other horrific injustices against women are still perpetrated at an alarming rate, and in a country where less that 6% of rapists serve jail time, where approximately 18% of congress is female, where decriminalizing domestic abuse is a reality, where, right now, a bill is in the works that will allow hospitals, if they wish, to let women die rather than performing a life saving abortion or transferring the women to another facility where they could receive the life saving procedure, it is an exercise in extreme folly to reject feminism.

[Quintease]

I don’t think there is a kind of feminism whose definition is that it is against men.

I find it very surprising that you don't believe any part of the feminist movement to be anti-male. Perhaps where you're from the Rad Fem's embrace their transgender, genderqueer, kinky and sex worker sisters and brothers, but that doesn't happen everywhere. In fact where I'm living these groups have been prevented from attending, and/or speaking at political women's marches. That's a sign of oppression however good their intentions.

[SecretAgentMa'am]

I find it very surprising that you don't believe any part of the feminist movement to be anti-male. Perhaps where you're from the Rad Fem's embrace their transgender, genderqueer, kinky and sex worker sisters and brothers, but that doesn't happen everywhere. In fact where I'm living these groups have been prevented from attending, and/or speaking at political women's marches. That's a sign of oppression however good their intentions.

There is a world of difference between "feminism defined as anti-male" and "some people who are feminists are also anti-male." Some people who are feminists are also racist, but that doesn't mean that feminism is racist.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I’ve mentioned before that I was raised in the Maori culture where traditionally men and women are more-or less-equal. I was thrust into a profession dominated by men and as the only disabled person, let alone disabled woman, I HAD to prove myself….. I refused too! I was there to do a job to the best of my abilities - it took me around the world. My ‘Click’ came when I was asked to be interviewed for a woman’s lifestyle magazine where women working in unusual jobs were doing well within their profession. A woman journalist interviewed and photographed me at work – in 2005 she did a follow up interview. Now there are just as many women as men in the profession! LOL!

[dykeumentary]

I'm not so sure. I consider myself a feminist, yet just the other day I had a rant on a blog about 'man-hating' feminists getting involved in the sex worker movement - in that I don't think their involvement is appropriate. How can any woman who hates men be involved in any movement that involves women interacting with men, loving men or transitioning to be men?

The trouble with feminism that is against men rather than for women, is that it is often Louder than regular feminism and thus becomes the 'face' of feminism. So part of MY feminism is rejecting the oppression of women by other women.

I think that people getting involved in the sex worker movement is a good thing. I trust that good leadership will assist participants in the struggle to examine the 'isms' and prejudices they came to to the movement with. I trust the people in the movement will then help the others experience the power of coalition-building and movements made of true allies. I think people can evolve away from hate.

Justice work is messy and discouraging, and perfection can never be a standard of measurement. As someone who works against oppression, I find it more helpful to help move people forward from where they are. Nobody's perfect. Everyone has something to contribute.

To underscore this point, i will speak to the topic of this thread. I was raised in, and still exist in a very ugly and dangerous white working-class culture of racist, sexist, xenophobic people. I was a gifted athlete in a world where only boys did sports, yet I was better at almost every sport than any boy. My parents and I had to navigate a world where it was dangerous simply because I was gifted. They struggled with balancing their pride in me with their concern for my safety. It was the 70s but the evolution we went through wasn't because of "women's lib" or any "wave" of feminism. We evolved because of parents' love for their daughter.

So that's where I come from, and I grew into a person who cares deeply about justice. Do I know everything I'm supposed to? Far from it. Have I read theory and been at the right events? Hell no. I've been playing ball and chasing women with my free time. I do not, however, feel that this makes me less of a feminist. Nor do I feel like this excuses me from attending demonstrations, volunteering at feminist events, and speaking up in word and deed when i experience or witness sexism. For example.

I'm not perfect. I am a feminist. For me this means that every child should be encouraged to follow their dreams regardless of how any feature about them has been historically perceived.

[Random]

I think I just found out that I have feminist leanings...

I work with a couple of women who will not do grunge work. They say it's men's work...

I was stocking boxes of chill packs the other day when one of them told me to leave it for *inset male co workers name*. I looked at her and said bluntly. *If I want to make the same wage as men, then I have to be willing to do the same work*.

You can't have it both ways IMO...

I won't take out the trash at home... THAT'S my partners job, but I'll take it out at work....

[Bad_boi]

Hey Bad_Boi....I am going to ask you to elaborate a little further (please)
on the part I changed to red. I find it confusing. Anti woman sentiment. Thank you.

What I mean by that is the feminists that get pissed off for no good reason. If I am polite to a feminist woman, they perceive it incorrectly. I am being nice because I am nice. It has nothing to do with me patronizing or thinking a woman is weak. I know women are capable. The fact of the matter is people are people and should be treated equally.

[CherylNYC]

What I mean by that is the feminists that get pissed off for no good reason. If I am polite to a feminist woman, they perceive it incorrectly. I am being nice because I am nice. It has nothing to do with me patronizing or thinking a woman is weak. I know women are capable. The fact of the matter is people are people and should be treated equally.

Bad_boi- Why do you assume that a)When a woman is impolite to you that it has something to do with them being a feminist? b)That you are not a feminist if you believe that women and men should be treated equally? (See the definition of 'feminist' as posted by Anya above.)

As weatherboi wrote, it's extremely IMPOLITE of you to come into a thread about when we knew we were feminists and gratuitously trash feminists and feminism.

You continue to defend your offensive post. Perhaps something else you're doing or saying is pissing off those feminists, (exactly the way you pissed off THIS feminist), not the fact that you're holding the door.

[Dominique]

What I mean by that is the feminists that get pissed off for no good reason. If I am polite to a feminist woman, they perceive it incorrectly. I am being nice because I am nice. It has nothing to do with me patronizing or thinking a woman is weak. I know women are capable. The fact of the matter is people are people and should be treated equally.

Thanks for coming back and answering. I agree, people are people and always will be. Frustrating sometimes. How do you readily Identify a feminist if you are being nice and treating people equally? Or is that How you Identify a feminist? They object? (I know previously you said some, we will stick with some).

[persiphone]

i was raised in an all female household by a hippie feminist mom, and one very pissed off grandmother. we lived in the ghetto and all the kids on my street were girls, but i went to a christian private school, so there was a strange dichotomy i grew up with. at home, i could grow up and be anything i wanted. at school, i was to grow up to be a good and obedient christian wife and have babies. clearly, that didn't happen! lol!

however, my AHAA! moment happened when i was 17. i was in DC visiting a boyfriend in the air force at the time and we happend to be on the mall at the same time a major NOW march on the mall was happening. it was the most amazing thing i'd ever seen. there were 100,000 women in that march and the banners were so big that it took 20 women across to hold them. i still get goosebumps thinking about it. i stood there for an hour or more waiting for them to pass. and they were so loud! i really felt those women move through me. i've been true to the cause ever since.

i get sad sometimes that there is strife about feminism in the b/f community. i hear it often brought up that feminists pushed back hard on the b/f community and i'm both sad it happened and sad that there is a stigma about feminists that exists today because of it.

[Bad_boi]

I said nothing offensive. If you are taking offense I whole heartedly appologize that you feel that way.

I know full well that I cannot argue my veiws on here anymore. It is always 10 to 1. Me being the one. I have a valid point and so does everyone else. I am sick and tired of everyone ganging up on me and raging at me for my opinions and experiences. I am tired of being singled out. It seems every time the dash site crashes and I wind up here I wind up in some kind of drama. I am sick of this.. I never said anything against women or feminists. I said something against the feminists that are overly angry at people for their positive actions twards women. The fact that certain people in here are making a mountain over a molehill further proves my point.

TLDR:
I am not attacking anyone so please stop attacking me.
Please stop misinterpenetrating what I am saying and don't jump to conclusions.

[AtLast]

There are several veins of feminist thought as well as generational differences. The Feminist Waves continue too flourish. We are in the development of a Fourth Wave right now. Feminism is elastic and speaks to each generation based upon what is relevant to each generation. And this old time Second Waver has no problem integrating more contemporary ideology into thought and actions.

[dykeumentary]

*bumping this important thread*

Also.... I was surprised to find myself conflicted about posting body photos to be objectified. I did post, sort of as an exercise in pushing myself. I guess the feminist in me has gotten comfortable with looking a Femmes when they present themselves to be "viewed" that way. But it was a little uncomfortable for me.
Thoughts on this?

[*Anya*]

I have several thoughts about this issue actually and may appear to be random but are all related-or will be in the end.

I am a feminist. I am a lesbian. I am not only attracted to a woman's mind but am attracted to her sexually. A woman's body is beautiful to me. Looking at pictures of butches, I appreciate not only their handsome beauty but they also turn me on very much.

I also like to occasionally look at lesbian porn. Not the fake lesbian porn made by bio males but porn actually produced and directed by lesbians. I have even, on occasion, looked at gay male porn and found it arousing ( movie "The Kids are All Right" anyone?).

I also think that when we are objectifying ourselves, as in the Butches and Girl Pinup threads, there is an element of humor and joy to it. Feminism can also have humor and joyful play; I do not think they are mutually exclusive!

I remember the feminist protests against porn. I never participated in them because I felt they were grossly misguided when there were so many other, much more important issues of concern.

From Wiki, regarding the porn wars:

"Women Against Pornography (WAP) was a radical feminist activist group based out of New York City and an influential force in the anti-pornography movement of the late 1970s and the 1980s.

WAP was the best known of a number of feminist anti-pornography groups that were active throughout the United States and the anglophone world, mainly from the late 1970s through the early 1990s. After previous failed attempts to start a broad feminist anti-pornography group in New York City, WAP was started in 1978. WAP quickly drew widespread support for its anti-pornography campaign, and in late 1979 held a March on Times Square that included over 5000 supporters. Their anti-pornography activism around Times Square also brought in unexpected financial support from the Mayor's office, theater owners, and other parties with an interest in the gentrification of Times Square.

WAP became known through their anti-pornography informational tours of sex shops and pornographic theaters in Times Square. In the 1980s, WAP began to focus more on lobbying and legislative efforts against pornography, particularly in support of civil-rights-oriented antipornography legislation. They were also active in testifying before the Meese Commission and some of their advocacy of a civil-rights based anti-pornography model found its way into the final recommendations of the commission. It became less active in the 1990s and faded out of existence in the mid-1990s.

The positions of the group were controversial. Civil libertarians opposed WAP and similar groups, holding that the legislative approaches WAP advocated amounted to censorship. Sex-positive feminists held that feminist campaigns against pornography were misdirected and ultimately threatened sexual freedoms and free speech rights in a way that would be ultimately detrimental toward women, gay people, and sexual minorities. WAP became involved in some particularly heated debates and skirmishes with sex-positive feminists, particularly in the events surrounding the 1982 Barnard Conference. These events were battles in what became known as the Feminist Sex Wars of the late 1970s and 1980s."

Bottom line, I believe we can be feminists and make our own porn, shoot our own photos, we can appreciate and love the beauty that is woman, femme or butch (whichever turns us on); in all of her glory-clothed or unclothed and it does not make us any less of a feminist.

[dykeumentary]

Hi Anya, thanks for your thoughts.
I remember hearing about those debates, but mostly from the perspective of my uncles, who all had subscriptions to Playboy. They also expressed their hope that the ladies would resolve their dispute by means of a national hot-oil-wrestling tournament....)

So i came out in that culture (not very fun) and my first gay community was working class softball dykes. Many of them had body issues and wore ill-fitting baggy men's clothes. I almost decided I must not be lesbian, because I wasn't sexually attracted to them at all.
So when I started to find lesbians who were pretty and feminine, I got scared about my feelings. (but became reassured that I wanted to have sex with women!). I wanted to be with a feminine woman, but I didn't know how to "be". When I was growing up in New Jersey in the 1970s, I always thought the hookers my uncles would meet at the bowling alley were the most sexy and beautiful women in the world. (ok, part of me still does ). But my innate sense of fairness knew that I shouldn't treat women the way I saw them treated in my town.
This was further complicated by my being a dyed-in-the-wool stone top. I didn't know anyone who was even talking about sex, and the few that were talking (usually very late at the pot luck) were glowing about how "equal" and "reciprocally touching" it was.
So there I was trying to grow away from my culture of sexism, and some of the people around me we lesbian separatists, many hated their bodies, and not many were in their power as sexual people.' We were all trying to figure out how to be different kinds of women than our mothers were.

I think I'm rambling on and on here. Sorry.
I guess I'm saying that I love women's bodies, and i love to celebrate them in word and deed! It's been a journey to recognize what makes sense and what's oppressive.
I guess the bottom line (and the top!) is fully informed and freely given CONSENT.

[Sachita]

when I was a young teen I became friends with a hardcore feminist lesbian wiccan group.

I've spent most of my life rebelling against patriarchy in some way or another. Some points of my life more then others. I just don't fit into the typical feminist mold. I would consider myself leaning more radical and my true core views would piss some people off but try as I may to free my mind, I just can't deny my feelings.

[ScandalAndy]

I was in first grade (7 years old) when I had my moment. There was a boy in my class who was the only person who could keep up with me academically. We wrote our second grade play together (it was about dinosaurs and a time machine, and a bunch of child archaeologists), had friendly competitions / discussions regarding schoolwork, and interviewed for the gifted school at the same time. I told my parents I was going to marry that particular boy because he was named "Jesse Anderson", and that way I would never have to change my last name.

There has always been a part of me that knew I could never capitulate to patriarchal restrictions on my life.

[*Anya*]

Hi Anya, thanks for your thoughts.
I remember hearing about those debates, but mostly from the perspective of my uncles, who all had subscriptions to Playboy. They also expressed their hope that the ladies would resolve their dispute by means of a national hot-oil-wrestling tournament....)

So i came out in that culture (not very fun) and my first gay community was working class softball dykes. Many of them had body issues and wore ill-fitting baggy men's clothes. I almost decided I must not be lesbian, because I wasn't sexually attracted to them at all.
So when I started to find lesbians who were pretty and feminine, I got scared about my feelings. (but became reassured that I wanted to have sex with women!). I wanted to be with a feminine woman, but I didn't know how to "be". When I was growing up in New Jersey in the 1970s, I always thought the hookers my uncles would meet at the bowling alley were the most sexy and beautiful women in the world. (ok, part of me still does ). But my innate sense of fairness knew that I shouldn't treat women the way I saw them treated in my town.
This was further complicated by my being a dyed-in-the-wool stone top. I didn't know anyone who was even talking about sex, and the few that were talking (usually very late at the pot luck) were glowing about how "equal" and "reciprocally touching" it was.
So there I was trying to grow away from my culture of sexism, and some of the people around me we lesbian separatists, many hated their bodies, and not many were in their power as sexual people.' We were all trying to figure out how to be different kinds of women than our mothers were.

I think I'm rambling on and on here. Sorry.
I guess I'm saying that I love women's bodies, and i love to celebrate them in word and deed! It's been a journey to recognize what makes sense and what's oppressive.
I guess the bottom line (and the top!) is fully informed and freely given CONSENT.


Oh yes, handsome stone butch top; there must be fully informed and freely given consent for all things sexual!

I came out in the late 70's too, at which time the lesbians I met everywhere wore flannel shirts, baggy clothing, and they did not at all appreciate the femme that I was. Actually, at a couple of bars and clubs, they kind of laughed at me.

I did not feel like I fit in anywhere until I met my ex-who was stone butch at the time. She absolutely appreciated how feminine I was and my "femme-ness". I had finally found my niche in the butch-femme dynamic.

We were both very active in NOW but during the NOW lesbian witch hunts, we both left. However, I never left my feminist consciousness.

I also never left my desire and attraction to butches.

I guess you could call me a sex-positive feminist lesbian femme.
(f)

[Sachita]

Oh yes, handsome stone butch top; there must be fully informed and freely given consent for all things sexual!

I came out in the late 70's too, at which time the lesbians I met everywhere wore flannel shirts, baggy clothing, and they did not at all appreciate the femme that I was. Actually, at a couple of bars and clubs, they kind of laughed at me.

I did not feel like I fit in anywhere until I met my ex-who was stone butch at the time. She absolutely appreciated how feminine I was and my "femme-ness". I had finally found my niche in the butch-femme dynamic.

We were both very active in NOW but during the NOW lesbian witch hunts, we both left. However, I never left my feminist consciousness.

I also never left my desire and attraction to butches.

I guess you could call me a sex-positive feminist lesbian femme.
(f)

lol- omg you're bringing back so many memories for me.

I remember when I was 16 going to my first lesbian bar. I had fake ID, of course. Here I am with this long long black hair, big tits and wore the prettiest little sundress. I walked in and everyone was in jeans and button down shirts. They looked at me like I was a fucking alien. No one would approach me or talk to me. My best friend, also queer told me I needed to dress different. So she puts me in a polo shirt, levi's and desert boots. I remembering lesbians always questioning my "gayness" and they assumed I was a bored straight girl. I was attracted to butch then but the only action I got was from the crew of strippers that came in at 2am. lol They loved me!

As I grew older I was a wild child and would think nothing of dancing on bars and taking my clothes off. This didn't sit well with the lesbian feminist who were convinced I was a product of male fascination. But I learn early on that this wasn't such a bad thing and used it to my advantage.

At some point I decided I was wearing heels, makeup, lipstick and that if i wanted a butch dyke I'd have to chase them. They just couldn't refused but i certainly did scare the shit out of them.

[persiphone]

lol- omg you're bringing back so many memories for me.

I remember when I was 16 going to my first lesbian bar. I had fake ID, of course. Here I am with this long long black hair, big tits and wore the prettiest little sundress. I walked in and everyone was in jeans and button down shirts. They looked at me like I was a fucking alien. No one would approach me or talk to me. My best friend, also queer told me I needed to dress different. So she puts me in a polo shirt, levi's and desert boots. I remembering lesbians always questioning my "gayness" and they assumed I was a bored straight girl. I was attracted to butch then but the only action I got was from the crew of strippers that came in at 2am. lol They loved me!

As I grew older I was a wild child and would think nothing of dancing on bars and taking my clothes off. This didn't sit well with the lesbian feminist who were convinced I was a product of male fascination. But I learn early on that this wasn't such a bad thing and used it to my advantage.

At some point I decided I was wearing heels, makeup, lipstick and that if i wanted a butch dyke I'd have to chase them. They just couldn't refused but i certainly did scare the shit out of them.


that's so funny cuz i have this experience still today. i walk into a lesbian bar wearing a dress and heels and everyone looks at me like i have 6 heads. awkward!

[CherylNYC]

that's so funny cuz i have this experience still today. i walk into a lesbian bar wearing a dress and heels and everyone looks at me like i have 6 heads. awkward!

I seem to get the same look when I'm not carrying my motorcycle helmet adorned with a rainbow sticker. Seriously. After a recent accident and injury I had to temporarily change the way I dress, and I haven't been able to ride my motorcycle for stretches of time. Wearing softer pants and shoes to match rather than jeans and riding boots, plus the absence of my helmet which functions as a dyke badge, seems to cause people to assume I'm straight. Because I always rode almost everywhere I went, I haven't felt that ostracizing stare in women's bars and events that my femme sisters always talk about. Until now. Ugh.

Whoops! Derail over.

[dykeumentary]

I seem to get the same look when I'm not carrying my motorcycle helmet adorned with a rainbow sticker. Seriously. After a recent accident and injury I had to temporarily change the way I dress, and I haven't been able to ride my motorcycle for stretches of time. Wearing softer pants and shoes to match rather than jeans and riding boots, plus the absence of my helmet which functions as a dyke badge, seems to cause people to assume I'm straight. Because I always rode almost everywhere I went, I haven't felt that ostracizing stare in women's bars and events that my femme sisters always talk about. Until now. Ugh.

Whoops! Derail over.
It breaks my butch dyke feminist heart every time I hear that a Femme feels invisible! I know you fierce Femmes can (and do) handle it, so i won't ask if there's anything i could do to help.

Frankly I don't understand how everyone in the room doesn't celebrate when a beautiful woman walks into a space.
I know I celebrate!
I say that i do this as part of my "grassroots activism"... but I have less noble motives, too.

[persiphone]

I seem to get the same look when I'm not carrying my motorcycle helmet adorned with a rainbow sticker. Seriously. After a recent accident and injury I had to temporarily change the way I dress, and I haven't been able to ride my motorcycle for stretches of time. Wearing softer pants and shoes to match rather than jeans and riding boots, plus the absence of my helmet which functions as a dyke badge, seems to cause people to assume I'm straight. Because I always rode almost everywhere I went, I haven't felt that ostracizing stare in women's bars and events that my femme sisters always talk about. Until now. Ugh.

Whoops! Derail over.


hahahhaahaa @ dyke badge
when i'm wearing black boots, my levis, a t-shirt and a leather jacket i call it my dyke uniform

/hijack

[femmeInterrupted]

It is December, 1989. The Montreal Massacre is all over the news. I am watching in the family room, surrounded by my Father, and 4 brothers. I am 20 years old, and devastated by what I am watching on television. I remember my reaction because it was visceral. It was one of the first times I remember crying with outrage and grief, shock, fear...and anger. My father told me (in front of my brothers) that I was being ridiculous and that 'People died every day'. No biggie.

That experience has stayed with me, to this day.

I have been so lucky and privileged to have had (and have) feminist mentors in my life, which spans and is integrated professionally and personally. My consciousness raising came when I began to study in depth, violence against women, feminism, and 'women's issues'. I recall being overwhelmed with a sense of relief and home-coming, as I listened to these brilliant women, Professors, grass-roots activists, feminists, giving voice and language to issues and realities that had previously only swirled around in my mind, a loosely threaded galaxy of feelings and 'wrongness' that was best articulated and explained in language I had a) never learned despite my education and b) herstory I had never learned despite said education.

My 'clicks' continue to happen as I move through this world. The anti-oppression work, of which my feminism is deeply integrated continues. It's a part of who I am, and how I see the world, how I deconstruct and interpret everything that flows past and through me experientially.

It has lead me to the experience the true joy of sisterhood, the true joy of belonging, the solid and affirming joy of friendship and sisterhood with women.

Despite the ugly harsh reality of women's lived realities, I find emotional and intellectual and political sustenance from threads like this, when I get to read what my sisters are sharing, about their own feminism, their own stories and experiences. The learning and difficult places in my self I've sat through when unlearning. Being the youngest in a circle of crones, I've had my ass handed to me, albeit it respectfully and with grace, a number of times :) I believe that 'you don't know what you don't know', but I also believe in the responsibility that comes with knowledge once it's yours.

I offer out an appreciation to all my feminist sisters! You all rock! :)


And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid

So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive


Audre Lorde

[imperfect_cupcake]

My parents brought me up socialist and feminist but I had no idea, really.
when it was concrete, it was, like femmeinterupted, at the Montreal Massacre. I was 20.

However, when I went lezzo, and i went to uni on Vancouver Island I met a bunch of lesbian separatists (who, as people were lovely) and moved in with them. And then the trouble started. I didn't really understand what kind of feminist politics they had. They were more of the Andrea Dworkin sort. And I'm not completely knocking Dworkin, she spoke about educating against rape and making MEN responsible about educating THEMSELVES long before anyone else did.
I did an action against a rapist of a friend of mine, because of one of her papers. We got a group, a big group of women together, and my friend who he had raped invited him to a busy restaurant. We placed the women around the restaurant and when he arrived and slid into the booth, we all stood up, about 15 of us, made a semi circle around him, and called him publically, named and shamed, each one of us, to what he did. My friend stood safely behind us. The waitress called the cops. He was terrified and freaked out. It was fantastic. He then tried to sue for slander and it didn't stick. which, of course, made his rapist ass even more public.

But man, some of Dwarkin's shit was whack and really oppressive of other women.

When I moved in with those women, I started to think "oh. maybe I'm not a feminist. I don't believe those things at ALL."
Then I decided to take femminist application courses, into the social and biological science courses I was taking. Those have been, to date, the hardest courses I have ever taken.

And it showed me I was indeed a feminist, just one that didn't believe the same things that the lesbians I lived with believed. I moved out as I felt pretty squashed and judged living there. I though all lesbians and feminists, especially those who weren't butch-femme were like that. And in the end, they got pretty mean. But once I started traveling and meeting lots of dykes, queers and bisexuals in different cities and different countries, and learning about the sex wars - I realised I could actually a) call myself a lesbian, I was allowed to and b) call myself a feminist, I was allowed to.

I still do have fights with people about porn and sex work and feminism. There is a massive difference between Independant workers, who work for themselves, set their own wages, their own hours and their own services and those being trafficked.

I personally like being objectified sexually - IF I GIVE MY CONSENT FIRST - to people I am attracted to. it's hawwwwwt! woof.
And I personally don't mind being objectified - if I give my consent first - within the boundaries of paid work. And ONLY during that set time. And there are a LOT of super hard, bitch-enforced rules about what does and does not happen. And someone breaks that rule? GONE. No negotiating, no apologies, no nada. Gone.
Working as a sex worker has done Mad Skillz Development for my ability to say "fuck right off, and keep fucking off" (aka "No") and stand up for myself against pre-programming as a polite and obedient girl that has to make sure everyone is ok. It has helped no end to my own personal issues of care taking (that is an issue with many women - you have to be needless and wantless and care for everything if it's sad or hurt or tired and screw your own needs).

Now I don't care if someone is blubbing a river and has their intestines on the floor, if you pass over one of my lines, you are gone.

And it has stopped my fear of men. I used to be terrified of them in a bar if they hit on me. Now I know that they bluff charge and being sincerely unafraid and knowing that I'm capable of kicking their ass and facing them down gives me more confidence. That confidence has helped me keep the idiots away. I no longer have that big whirling red light attracting idiots to me.

I hate how programmed girls are to be so submissive, polite and above all, don't be rude. Most of my issues with men have been because although my parents were for women's rights, my mom still has her programming and above all else, I had to suck it up and be polite. No matter what. Do not shame yourself by being rude.

That's what got me in so much trouble.

it's ok to be rude. it's absolutely ok, as a girl, to offend. it's totally ok to have someone get angry, be upset, and be hurt or offended by something I've said or done. it's also not my responsibility to look after them if they are. I am not going to be branded as a scarlet hussy and the universe will not implode.

just someone is offended. that's it. And that's absolutely ok.

:) I love feminism.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Don't forget about the Feminist Porn Awards in Toronto!!

here's an article on Feminist Porn:
5 Ways to Ensure That Your Porn is Ethically Feminist (http://www.policymic.com/articles/40603/5-ways-to-make-sure-that-your-porn-is-ethically-feminist)

[Tuff Stuff]

My culture felt very anti-woman/girl to me...I could not be me..at the tender age of 5 my wanna be little boyfriend (and quite possibly my future husband) brought me some flowers once and I threw them on the ground and laughed at him...I was his first love,made him cry a lot of times *shrugs*.
I knew I was not and never would be the girly girl others wanted me to be,and I made sure of that...I fell in love with women of all ages,body types and skin colors..I loved them all..pretty much feel the same way today.

I usually get along well with most feminist...except maybe the extreme ones...they think i'm too manly.