How did you know?

[kassykit]

Guess i been trying to think of how to ask this question for the longest time. Please don't yell at me, or get offended by the following post. It takes a lot for me to post something public.

To start off before I get to my question I feel the need to explain a little about me.

I was sexually abused for a large portion of my childhood. I learned that to dress as a "girl" was to open myself up to the possiblity of it happening more often. A lot of the time my family just simply couldn't afford new cloths anyways. So i suppose it is lucky that my dresses and "girl" cloths were few and far between. I grew up more likely to run out and hide in the woods, it was safe there, than i was to stay at home and play with dolls. Realize this was years after the abuse started. Let me just say right off, no it was not my father, mother, or brothers. It was other close "friends" of the family. My parents put me through theraphy and since they found out they have been supportive to a point.

So with that being said, I grew up needing to protect myself by being a "boy".

I do not identify as "butch". I do not identify as a "tweener". I do identify as "femme". I don't wear a lot of makeup, I do tend to wear jeans, tshirts and hide behind banter.

After doing a lot of reading, I am starting to wonder about myself. About the labels that the people around me are using.

Butch does not equal boylike, it's a way that person carries themselves. To me anyway. I can't even define it properly. All i know is it isn't me.

Tweeners. well, i'm not 100 percent sure what this even means! So how could i be a tweener if i'm not sure what it IS?

Femme, well why do I feel I am more femme than anything else. This is the part i'm afraid of explaining. So be patient.

- femmes are lipstick toteing, high heel wearing, skirt flaring, shopaholics.... this is the typical sterotype seen in popular media......no this is not me

i like lipstick, i like makeup, i like shopping, i like skirts, shopping and all that ...... but sometimes jeans are just plain dandy!

I have never had my nails done professionally......nor my toes O_O (no one touches dah feet!!! ))

I have short hair...... I hate it, but it's a work in progress.

I can hang just fine with the boys/bois/men in my life. I have few female friends, mostly cuz they scare me!

You talk about makeup and well i know how to do my makeup one way.... goth

Yes in highschool i was the one in black leggings, a short skirt or cutoff shirts......combat boots, a sportsbra and a seethrough football jersy....all black.. or close to it anyway..... and yes the boots were shined :) ... i wore dark makeup, always had my hair in a pony tail and people gave me space and avoided me..... i was a introvert.... i am more extroverted these days.... the makeup, the dressing, that was as i've come now to realize a set of armor.... i lost the ablity to do it somewhere.... about the time i got into my last relationship.....

What to each of you who read this, What makes you femme? what makes you identify as femme?

i can't define femme as i am so confused now from all the various debates and threads on sexualilty.......am i thinking to much on it?

and if you ask anyone who "knows" me, they say i'm a girlie girl..... no idea why.... how does someone who is confused at this point, define themselves if the definitions themselves seem to be changing?

[Gemme]

Kassy, just as you mentioned in your post, it's more of a feeling. You said butch didn't always mean dressing boylike but you knew you aren't one. It's the same with femme. If you feel it, then it is so.

There are tons of 'types' of femmes in this world of ours. Tomboy femmes, high femmes, lipstick femmes, and the list goes on. You should define yourself as YOU see yourself; no one else. After all, you have to live with you and the decisions you make for yourself.

For myself, I am femme because I am. I've known it since I first admitted (not realized...ADMITTED) that I wasn't straight. In the most simplistic view, I saw GLBTQ relationships as having a more feminine partner and a more masculine partner. I knew I was the more feminine partner from the beginning. Of course, as I've grown more comfortable with myself, I've realized that our kind of relationships are anything BUT simple. But I am still femme.

Some days, I like to get dressed up and do the heels and make up and whatnot. Some days I am very low key. It depends on what I feel like doing that day. I like to be pampered but I'm not going to get a mani or pedi every week (unless I win the lottery and then I'll have more time and funds to devote to stuff like that and then it still wouldn't be EVERY week).

So, don't worry about how others see you or if you are defining yourself 'right'. It's your label, if you choose to use one. You need to be okay with it before anyone else, after all, it's YOUR label.

[Apocalipstic]

Cool thread subject!

At first, when I came out in the early 80's, it was so not cool to be Femme and to be honest I fought being Femme. I was told I had to be submissive and a bottom to be Femme. Of course now I know that is not true.

I definitely have a guy side. I wear makeup sometimes, but not always. I love to watch cartoons with my hand in my pants like Al Bundy and burp aloud. I know way more about cars than my Butch G/F who used to work in a car factory. :)

I also had a childhood that made me want to hide my femininity and also did the Goth thing, though in college, not high school. I still tend to wear black a lot. Regular makeup is the same as Goth, just less harsh colors. Not sure what your coloring is, but I wear brown liner instead of black and so forth now. I would still do the Goth thing, but at 46, it does not seem like an option any more...I save it for parties from time to time.

No matter what I wear, or what I am doing I am girly, so I finally decided to accept it and go with being Femme.

There are all types of Femme, just enjoy being YOU! :)

That was kinda rambling, but I hope it helps. :)

[kassykit]

So in other words, stop worrying so much about it?

Shoot i joke around and say i'm a manly man etc.......always makes my friends laugh.

I guess to me that's important, the laughter.

So can we have another labeL?

that of clown?

thank you for your post hun, i'll read it, digest it (after more coffee) an do up a replay with more questions if i fee its needed, thank you for being poliet! Now can soemone just hand me a book, or a program where i enter in my personality and it gives me answers? all this searchign mysef is at times painful and frustraiting!

Kassy, just as you mentioned in your post, it's more of a feeling. You said butch didn't always mean dressing boylike but you knew you aren't one. It's the same with femme. If you feel it, then it is so.

[NJFemmie]

Yes, stop worrying so much about it.
Be whoever it is you feel you are and let the rest of the world deal with it.
:)

[kassykit]

Cool thread subject!

At first, when I came out in the early 80's, it was so not cool to be Femme and to be honest I fought being Femme. I was told I had to be submissive and a bottom to be Femme. Of course now I know that is not true.

I definitely have a guy side. I wear makeup sometimes, but not always. I love to watch cartoons with my hand in my pants like Al Bundy and burp aloud. I know way more about cars than my Butch G/F who used to work in a car factory. :)

I also had a childhood that made me want to hide my femininity and also did the Goth thing, though in college, not high school. I still tend to wear black a lot. Regular makeup is the same as Goth, just less harsh colors. Not sure what your coloring is, but I wear brown liner instead of black and so forth now. I would still do the Goth thing, but at 46, it does not seem like an option any more...I save it for parties from time to time.

No matter what I wear, or what I am doing I am girly, so I finally decided to accept it and go with being Femme.

There are all types of Femme, just enjoy being YOU! :)

That was kinda rambling, but I hope it helps. :)

Goth = not so dark makeup

So i can draw designs on my cheeks? -giggles- :goodpost:

And yes at 29 i've decided (well i decided at 25) that i needed to "grow" up and act more mainstream in order to succeed in this world!

And i enjoy rambling :)

[kassykit]

Ok first off i LOVE the piccy!! -points to dah kitty making the puppies sleep-

:writer:

sometimes it's hard tojust be yourself, or at least it is for me!! which i suppose is why i'm soul searching :)

:fudd: am hunting for answers, inside and outside......

thank you for your input :rose:

Yes, stop worrying so much about it.
Be whoever it is you feel you are and let the rest of the world deal with it.
:)

[Apocalipstic]

Goth = not so dark makeup

So i can draw designs on my cheeks? -giggles- :goodpost:

And yes at 29 i've decided (well i decided at 25) that i needed to "grow" up and act more mainstream in order to succeed in this world!

And i enjoy rambling :)

If the designs are in a nice taupe and not for work! Laughhhhhhhhh!

:lips:

[kassykit]

If the designs are in a nice taupe and not for work! Laughhhhhhhhh!

:lips:

but but butttt i buttt!!!

ok that enough buts?

and yeah, ohh btw, pink hair - much as i love pink hair- doesn't go over well at work either!!

http://www.animationplayhouse.com/girl_and_1cat.gif

[Apocalipstic]

but but butttt i buttt!!!

ok that enough buts?

and yeah, ohh btw, pink hair - much as i love pink hair- doesn't go over well at work either!!

http://www.animationplayhouse.com/girl_and_1cat.gif

Depends on where you work, but for interviews I would go with something more mainstream. :)

Pink hair is lovely I agree. :)

[Sweet_Pea]

I dont like all the labels either, I am a really girly girl, I get manicures and pedicures, love makeup, and can spend hours on my hair. . .HOWEVERRRR... I dont like dresses, or high heels (i prefer comfort and high heels are torchure devices to me.). I wear flip flops in the freezing cold and love vans and tennis shoes. I know how to fish and can rig and bait my own hook (though i will NOT touch worms) and i dont mind getting my hands dirty, I drink beer, play texas hold em and cuss with my brothers. I am a single mother trying to teach my girls to be young ladies and my son to be a man.

I think if i had to label myself id just be a strong woman. . .Period.

[kassykit]

WOnder if people would get pissy if when asked i just say i'm a Mishy (my r/t nickname btw :P )

Guess i kind of just want to find where i fit..........but perhaps i should stop looking for where i fit, and make me a spot! ahh that is easier said then done...:deepthoughts::sheep:

I dont like all the labels either, I am a really girly girl, I get manicures and pedicures, love makeup, and can spend hours on my hair. . .HOWEVERRRR... I dont like dresses, or high heels (i prefer comfort and high heels are torchure devices to me.). I wear flip flops in the freezing cold and love vans and tennis shoes. I know how to fish and can rig and bait my own hook (though i will NOT touch worms) and i dont mind getting my hands dirty, I drink beer, play texas hold em and cuss with my brothers. I am a single mother trying to teach my girls to be young ladies and my son to be a man.

I think if i had to label myself id just be a strong woman. . .Period.

[Sweet_Pea]

WOnder if people would get pissy if when asked i just say i'm a Mishy (my r/t nickname btw :P )

Guess i kind of just want to find where i fit..........but perhaps i should stop looking for where i fit, and make me a spot! ahh that is easier said then done...:deepthoughts::sheep:
Awesome!!! And when you find it save me a spot! :)

[blush]

and if you ask anyone who "knows" me, they say i'm a girlie girl..... no idea why.... how does someone who is confused at this point, define themselves if the definitions themselves seem to be changing?

Doesn't it sometimes seem that the femme "label" is bestowed upon us like some gift? I've been called every version of femme in the book. And after awhile it irritated me. Who gave anyone permission to decide who I was? Or what "type" of femme I was because it suited their definition.

If femme resonates with you, make it your own.

[WolfyOne]

Kassy, I read your original post and I have to tell you, you're not alone in this world we've created, full of labels and identities. My GF is a jeans and tee shirt gal, but considers herself to be femme. She can dress up or down and never wears makeup because she's allergic to most all brands. Those here that know her, know what I mean. I often call her my tweener, but she hates the label, so I've taken to calling her toolbelt femme at times. She has more tools than I'd ever seen in one house and she can use all of them. I, on the other hand, consider myself to be a butch, but I'm not as good with tools as my GF....I have no depth perception, but it doesn't make me any less butch. I'm thankful to have a woman in my life that's better at the things I'm not good at. So, in the end, don't worry about what you wear or don't wear. You can be anyone you want to be and don't ever let anyone ever tell you different. How you feel from the inside out is totally up to you.

[kassykit]

Awesome!!! And when you find it save me a spot! :)

Will do !! a nice cushy spot!

[kassykit]

Doesn't it sometimes seem that the femme "label" is bestowed upon us like some gift? I've been called every version of femme in the book. And after awhile it irritated me. Who gave anyone permission to decide who I was? Or what "type" of femme I was because it suited their definition.

If femme resonates with you, make it your own.

I am deffinately trying to do this! :fishing: I like to know other peoples POV's cuz it opens to my mind! new roads and ways of thought!!


If i wanna be a flannelwearing, truckdriving cowgirl femme! then so be it! just because i like fannels doenst make me butch!

correct??

**disclaimer, there is nothing wrong with being butch, i just ain't

[kassykit]

Thank you ! :) :cheer: sometimes when it comes to these labels i feel if i'm beating my head against a wall :wallbreak: one day i will break down the wall and be comfy with being me!


Kassy, I read your original post and I have to tell you, you're not alone in this world we've created, full of labels and identities. My GF is a jeans and tee shirt gal, but considers herself to be femme. She can dress up or down and never wears makeup because she's allergic to most all brands. Those here that know her, know what I mean. I often call her my tweener, but she hates the label, so I've taken to calling her toolbelt femme at times. She has more tools than I'd ever seen in one house and she can use all of them. I, on the other hand, consider myself to be a butch, but I'm not as good with tools as my GF....I have no depth perception, but it doesn't make me any less butch. I'm thankful to have a woman in my life that's better at the things I'm not good at. So, in the end, don't worry about what you wear or don't wear. You can be anyone you want to be and don't ever let anyone ever tell you different. How you feel from the inside out is totally up to you.

[WolfyOne]

Thank you ! :) :cheer: sometimes when it comes to these labels i feel if i'm beating my head against a wall :wallbreak: one day i will break down the wall and be comfy with being me!


Sometimes it takes years before one can be comfy with themselves. First you have to figure out who you are or want to be. I've seen gals transform from being a total femme to breaking out and becoming butch. What used to be expected of us is no longer something we have to stand behind. Sometimes all it takes is coming out to family and friends that makes us begin to feel comfy with who we are or who we want to grow into. Trust yourself and it'll all fall into place.

[kassykit]

i'm out, i'm just confused half the time about all the labels, and i get them mixed up and then people get angry!!

I think i like the idea of when asked if i'm butch, femme or a tweener, i'm going to start saying i'm me, mishy.....:vampire:

[Ursy]

I'm femme... and I love it! I don't care much for make up and heels for the most part, but I guess how I describe it is a "feminine energy".

Which is not to say that I don't love make up and heels, it's just that I usually can't really be bothered with them. Just like I was never really into dolls or the other traditionally girly stuff. But ask my partner, and he'll say I'm femme through and through - even if I am more handy with a toolbox than he is (in some ways)!

I guess I think of labels as useful descriptors. They describe an aspect of me, but it's not the whole of me. And in my book, they are not so rigid as to box me in or define me, and neither should they be.

I believe that a lot of the problem is that people start defining others by their labels and make cages out of them, when really, it should be the other way round. Everyone should have the freedom to define their own meaning of femme, or butch, or trans*, or whatever! Nobody has the right to tell anyone else how to identify, as far as I'm concerned.

That's what I think, anyway :)

[Diva]

I think I'm going to make a label to stick on my arm.....or my ass.... and at the top of it, it's going to say "Nutritional Value".....You know.....like the grocery store.... :bow:

[Ursy]

I think I'm going to make a label to stick on my arm.....or my ass.... and at the top of it, it's going to say "Nutritional Value".....You know.....like the grocery store.... :bow:



You know, I always thought if I were to get a tattoo, it would be a care label - something like "hand wash only in warm water. Do not tumble dry". Lol!

I don't think I would actually go through with it, but the thought does amuse me...

[Bit]

My GF is a jeans and tee shirt gal, but considers herself to be femme. She can dress up or down and never wears makeup because she's allergic to most all brands. Those here that know her, know what I mean. I often call her my tweener, but she hates the label,

{{{{{{{{{{{Wolfy}}}}}}}}} IMO, your GF is a Femme from the top of her head to the tips of her toenails, darlin; there's nothing tweener about her or about her energy--no matter what skills and abilities she has. She's a practical Femme who is good with mechanical things like plumbing. Just like "mechanical skills"--or the lack thereof--doesn't define you as a Butch, it doesn't define her as a Femme.... or me, for that matter, lol... :thumbsup:

If i wanna be a flannelwearing, truckdriving cowgirl femme! then so be it! just because i like fannels doenst make me butch!


EXACTLY. Now you've got it! And hey, I do wear flannel... not only that, it's a men's flannel quilted shirt. I wear it as a jacket. :cheesy:

I believe that a lot of the problem is that people start defining others by their labels and make cages out of them, when really, it should be the other way round. Everyone should have the freedom to define their own meaning of femme, or butch, or trans*, or whatever! Nobody has the right to tell anyone else how to identify, as far as I'm concerned.

Yes, yes, yes, Urs, yes! The labels ARE expandable, stretchable, customizable, but only if we choose them for ourselves.

[kassykit]

Ohhh does this mean i can have one that says warning i bite if provoked?



I think I'm going to make a label to stick on my arm.....or my ass.... and at the top of it, it's going to say "Nutritional Value".....You know.....like the grocery store.... :bow:

[kassykit]

Labels to some people are comfort things. i feel femme, therefore i am, however someone who doesn't know me might think something else, hell if i know, i'm so exhausted from working that i have two black eyes! or at east i feel like i do!

I'm femme... and I love it! I don't care much for make up and heels for the most part, but I guess how I describe it is a "feminine energy".

Which is not to say that I don't love make up and heels, it's just that I usually can't really be bothered with them. Just like I was never really into dolls or the other traditionally girly stuff. But ask my partner, and he'll say I'm femme through and through - even if I am more handy with a toolbox than he is (in some ways)!

I guess I think of labels as useful descriptors. They describe an aspect of me, but it's not the whole of me. And in my book, they are not so rigid as to box me in or define me, and neither should they be.

I believe that a lot of the problem is that people start defining others by their labels and make cages out of them, when really, it should be the other way round. Everyone should have the freedom to define their own meaning of femme, or butch, or trans*, or whatever! Nobody has the right to tell anyone else how to identify, as far as I'm concerned.

That's what I think, anyway :)

[kassykit]

I would like to say a thank you to everyone who has posted here sofar :)

sometimes i feel a bit confused and am always looking for others views on things. :seeingstars:

and thank you all for keeping it nice! :cheer:

the more views the better!

:playingcat:


now its time for choccie and then bed!

:eatthebunny::alarm:

[Kosmo]

Ohhh does this mean i can have one that says warning i bite if provoked?

Um, you do now :tease:

[Apocalipstic]

WOnder if people would get pissy if when asked i just say i'm a Mishy (my r/t nickname btw :P )

Guess i kind of just want to find where i fit..........but perhaps i should stop looking for where i fit, and make me a spot! ahh that is easier said then done...:deepthoughts::sheep:

I am deffinately trying to do this! :fishing: I like to know other peoples POV's cuz it opens to my mind! new roads and ways of thought!!


If i wanna be a flannelwearing, truckdriving cowgirl femme! then so be it! just because i like fannels doenst make me butch!

correct??

**disclaimer, there is nothing wrong with being butch, i just ain't

I think you being you is the way to go!

I do ID as Femme, seriously though, the only time it really is useful is when you decide to start dating again. It can make it easier to find someone if you can find a concise way of saying how you see yourself/who you are looking for. (ie Cowgirl Femme Top searching for Butch Sub..or whatever....)

I used to drive a big truck for work some back in my 20's, they called me Big-Rig Jenny. Short hair, no make up, Levis, white T shirt, leather jacket, leatherman and huge wrench in my back pocket.

Still Femme.

:)

[KayCee]

I think you being you is the way to go

I used to drive a big truck for work some back in my 20's, they called me Big-Rig Jenny. Short hair, no make up, Levis, white T shirt, leather jacket, leatherman and huge wrench in my back pocket.

Still Femme.

:)

I think it's the different facets a femme can have...either tough...soft...weak or strong...playful or serious...what defines to be a 'true' femme..and to know..when to 'use' which one just in the right moment! http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/images/smilies/teasing.gif

[Kenna]

......sometimes it's hard to just be yourself, or at least it is for me!! which i suppose is why i'm soul searching :)

:fudd: am hunting for answers, inside and outside......

thank you for your input :rose:

Dearest Mishy, you certainly are not alone.

I won't give my long life story to describe how I relate to you...I won't turn this subject into "all about me"... but I will support you with open arms and a warm understanding heart in your soul searching and hunting for answers....

My story shortened, my childhood was filled with much the same thing and MANY times I hid in the mountains and countryside, arriving home well after dark willing to take the whipping for missing dinner rather than be at home... I am also a Rape Survivor. I came out several years ago and have, until very recently, struggled very much with my femme/lesbian identity and "how do I fit in". One of my accomplishments in life was turning my feelings as a rape victim, into becoming a Survivor (in all senses of the word, and becoming a Domestic Violence Advocate). Being a Survivor (to me) does not allow my abusers or my rapist to re-victimize me or continue to abuse me, in any form...especially my mental/physical health state. I do not intend to down play anyone who is a victim (absolutely no insult intended)...after my abuse, I HAD to see myself as a Survivor, or lose my mind...

My struggle with "am I Femme?", came from not being confident of myself, not having much of a community here or mentors, my lack of knowledge of various identities and dynamics and my misconception that "Femme" meant my outside appearances only ...how I dressed, etc. I have many hobbies that are related to masculine activities/stereotypes (including all things mechanical)... at work, I am very much a "High Power Priss" in my "kick ass femmie clothes and sexy boots" (sometimes even wearing a beautiful corset & thigh highs under my black "stuffy" business suit)... but for the longest time, I questioned "Am I Femme?, what does Femme mean to me?... I'm not Top? I'm not always submissive so I didn't consider myself entirely bottom... am I Butch because I like to fix cars and am very aggressive in the boardroom at work?... etc, etc...does Femme mean just how I dress?"

Very recently I entered into a wonderful, very promising relationship with an AMAZING StoneButch...someone I took my time getting to know and respect. Someone who has gently and patiently guided me and stood beside me during my "identity crisis" and my journey to find what Femme means to me... after reading one of her posts on "the other site" and talking with her more, I suddenly and with much delight realized that I AM FEMME because Femme is what I am inside, not my outside appearances and I am NOT a "confused straight woman" (as I had been accused of being by a heartless person, I pass for straight and to the het world, am an "invisible Femme" because I'm not recognized or accepted as a lesbian or Femme..."they just don't get me".) ... I AM Femme because I am a Survivor and I AM PROUD of Surviving my hardships and PROUD of who I am... I am Femme while in my bluejeans and baseball cap with pony tail looped out the back when I go outside to bust my knuckles on the manifold of my car... I AM a FEISTY Femme as I stand in my boardroom and tell them how it is, my way or the highway... I am Femme when I come home and take my "boss hat" off, kick my boots off and proceed to kiss and greet my partner and turn into a Sweet, Loving, Content, Gentle, Cute, Sexy, Smart, Quiet, Thoughtful, Respectful, Affectionate "Queen of my Kitchen" Femme that my partner adores. I recently joked with my partner... "I'm not Femme Top, I'm not entirely Femme Bottom... can I be Femme Middle?" lol

Hon, be yourself... turn your soul searching into a Journey to find what your identity means to you... in the process and struggle, be careful not to lose "Mishy".

We love, respect and adore you...Mishy... no matter what ID or label you feel comfortable with...

sorry I rambled, it was more than I had intended... but this subject and supporting you is very near and dear to my heart. Look me up any time... Much TLC,
S&C
ID: Queen of my Kitchen

[kassykit]

pace pace pace :deepthoughts:

must think on this, possibly sleep on this before i reply on your post

Thank you for the time and effort you put into replying, i will reply when i'm not so frazzeled, first week of the quarter is always a cluster****


Dearest Mishy, you certainly are not alone.

I won't give my long life story to describe how I relate to you...I won't turn this subject into "all about me"... but I will support you with open arms and a warm understanding heart in your soul searching and hunting for answers....

My story shortened, my childhood was filled with much the same thing and MANY times I hid in the mountains and countryside, arriving home well after dark willing to take the whipping for missing dinner rather than be at home... I am also a Rape Survivor. I came out several years ago and have, until very recently, struggled very much with my femme/lesbian identity and "how do I fit in". One of my accomplishments in life was turning my feelings as a rape victim, into becoming a Survivor (in all senses of the word, and becoming a Domestic Violence Advocate). Being a Survivor (to me) does not allow my abusers or my rapist to re-victimize me or continue to abuse me, in any form...especially my mental/physical health state. I do not intend to down play anyone who is a victim (absolutely no insult intended)...after my abuse, I HAD to see myself as a Survivor, or lose my mind...

My struggle with "am I Femme?", came from not being confident of myself, not having much of a community here or mentors, my lack of knowledge of various identities and dynamics and my misconception that "Femme" meant my outside appearances only ...how I dressed, etc. I have many hobbies that are related to masculine activities/stereotypes (including all things mechanical)... at work, I am very much a "High Power Priss" in my "kick ass femmie clothes and sexy boots" (sometimes even wearing a beautiful corset & thigh highs under my black "stuffy" business suit)... but for the longest time, I questioned "Am I Femme?, what does Femme mean to me?... I'm not Top? I'm not always submissive so I didn't consider myself entirely bottom... am I Butch because I like to fix cars and am very aggressive in the boardroom at work?... etc, etc...does Femme mean just how I dress?"

Very recently I entered into a wonderful, very promising relationship with an AMAZING StoneButch...someone I took my time getting to know and respect. Someone who has gently and patiently guided me and stood beside me during my "identity crisis" and my journey to find what Femme means to me... after reading one of her posts on "the other site" and talking with her more, I suddenly and with much delight realized that I AM FEMME because Femme is what I am inside, not my outside appearances and I am NOT a "confused straight woman" (as I had been accused of being by a heartless person, I pass for straight and to the het world, am an "invisible Femme" because I'm not recognized or accepted as a lesbian or Femme..."they just don't get me".) ... I AM Femme because I am a Survivor and I AM PROUD of Surviving my hardships and PROUD of who I am... I am Femme while in my bluejeans and baseball cap with pony tail looped out the back when I go outside to bust my knuckles on the manifold of my car... I AM a FEISTY Femme as I stand in my boardroom and tell them how it is, my way or the highway... I am Femme when I come home and take my "boss hat" off, kick my boots off and proceed to kiss and greet my partner and turn into a Sweet, Loving, Content, Gentle, Cute, Sexy, Smart, Quiet, Thoughtful, Respectful, Affectionate "Queen of my Kitchen" Femme that my partner adores. I recently joked with my partner... "I'm not Femme Top, I'm not entirely Femme Bottom... can I be Femme Middle?" lol

Hon, be yourself... turn your soul searching into a Journey to find what your identity means to you... in the process and struggle, be careful not to lose "Mishy".

We love, respect and adore you...Mishy... no matter what ID or label you feel comfortable with...

sorry I rambled, it was more than I had intended... but this subject and supporting you is very near and dear to my heart. Look me up any time... Much TLC,
S&C
ID: Queen of my Kitchen

[Kenna]

pace pace pace :deepthoughts:

must think on this, possibly sleep on this before i reply on your post

Thank you for the time and effort you put into replying, i will reply when i'm not so frazzeled, first week of the quarter is always a cluster****

You are very welcome...Oh darlin', there's no need to feel pressured to respond...just find a little something today that makes your heart smile and makes you happy...that's response enough. Take care and best wishes.

[kassykit]

No pressure felt!

I just have a whirlwind of thoughts that run through my head, sometimes it takes me a few days to sort them out into a coherant order :)

You are very welcome...Oh darlin', there's no need to feel pressured to respond...just find a little something today that makes your heart smile and makes you happy...that's response enough. Take care and best wishes.

[Kenna]

No pressure felt!

I just have a whirlwind of thoughts that run through my head, sometimes it takes me a few days to sort them out into a coherant order :)

LOL, I know the feeling well!! sometimes, even while sleeping, my brain never shuts down!

[kassykit]

and it goes around and around and around and ohh did i mention around? :hanging:

LOL, I know the feeling well!! sometimes, even while sleeping, my brain never shuts down!

[Princess4u]

Dear Kassy,,
I dont know if this will help you in your quest...but here goes. I came out 21 years ago...and back then...it was the 80's and everything had to be PC and femminisim was big with politics and civil rights...so for lesbians...it met..self identification..individualism and be who you are on the inside...be free...I guess you say it was the 60's all over again..but i dont remember the 60's so I cant say for sure. Search inside yourself for your own identity...to me butch or femme is a way of life...it IS who you are...its a description...you may well describe me as a 41 year old female with green eyes, femme and a person of size. Its a part of me not the other way around. I am not a high femme..although I would love to be..just cant afford it!! But I love girly things..i too am a girly girl. love makeup, dresses, pretty things. I love the way a proper butch touches me. I have never been with a man so I can compare. But I have always preferred butch, and I am not attracted to femmes. Although there are femmes who are attracted to other femmes. I think femmes are beautiful and I am comfortable acknowledging that...but just not sexually attracted to them! I think us femmes are special ppl, and I may get slapped on the hand for this next line, but us femmes are like the flower that the bee (butches) are drawn to for their own reasons...we are out best when we are natural and ourselves....

So dont try to fit a mold darling....just be you!!!! you may feel femme one day...so let that out and shine in that femme desire...and the other day you may feel a little on the butch or soft butch side and let that shine as well....what ever you feel is ok...no need to try and shove yourself into a "mold" Just be you!!!!!!!!!!!! and oh fyi.. jeans are the bomb and they have nothing to do w being femme....or not being a femme.

Hope this helped in some small way!!!

[bright_arrow]

I like makeup, I like nail polish, I love my straightener as much as the next person :) I live in jeans and sneakers, I only own three dresses, and one pair of dress heels. Some days I feel really femme (like when the eyeliner is on and the cleavage is oh so THERE.. though hard to avoid it being there too, lol..) and days like today where I'm lounging and my hair is pulled back in a style I'd never wear in public, I feel very un-femme.

Beside my butch however I am femme no doubt, even in jeans and sneakers and the hairstyle I wouldn't wear in public.

I am me, I am comfortable, and I know what I like :blueheels:

[kix4funchick]

I don't really like labels either but I do identify as a femme. I love skirts and pretty shirts and wearing pretty dresses when going to formal occasions. I don't like high heels or anything with heels due to the fear of me falling though I do find them to be rather cute. However, I do wear flats because they're just as cute as heels and I feel safer walking in them. The only make up I wear is mascarra and lip gloss do to me being confident about me looking pretty with just those two and not needing eyeshadow and other things. When it's cold I wear pants with sneakers to keep me warm though I do like my sneakers being girly ones. I do get my nails and toenails done though I sometimes do them myself as well. I like my hair looking pretty, and I wear jewelry. I also like to go shopping and I do like pink though my favorite color is yellow. The pretty and bright yellow, not the pale or barf yellow. All in all I'm a pretty feminine person and I feel like a very feminine person. I just prefer nice skirts and pretty tops to dresses and flip flops and flats to heels.

Wow, I just wrote you guys an essay on why I identify as a femme.

[HoneyedChrysanthemum]

kassy, you don't have to worry about labels if you don't want to do so! i'm ALWAYS a "femme in process", LoL. i'm eccentric as Hecate and Kali, bookish as any good retired librarian /prof should be (!), a gimp and more than half blind and proud of my cane , i wear dresses but not short tight ones (unless ordered to do so by a Syr in our bedroom), i mostly wear pantsjeanslounging wear, and only Simple Shoes shoes that are comfortable or even-dare i say-crocs...in short i am ME but always FEMME. i've come to know the labels that i can choose through experience...queer, grrl, Daddy's grrl, submissive sometimes headstrong, though, stone but not untouchable just don't want to touch in feminizing ways, tomboy, on and on it goes...i suppose i'm saying MAKE YOUR NICHE but don't be afraid of change permutations continuations. don't be afraid of the ETC. and always always LABEL YOURSELF! don't let someone else define you!
just my 2 centimes,
namaste,
pres :moonstars:

[Starbuck]

Hi Kassy,

Like you you I went through a self identification stage, asking myself, "what am I, what kind of lesbian am I?" I had one friend telling me that I was soft butch because of the way that I carry myself, my no nonsense attitude if a fight were to break out, I carry a knife, and I have a concealed weapon permit. Another friend described me as soft femme because I was always cleaning up her kitchen when I'm at her house, or doing other female gender-specific chores, but that I just so happen to have a touch of masculinity in me since I do carry a knife and I burp out loud. BUT, you will not catch me in a dress but I will wear eyeliner and mascara for my lipstick butch g/f who prefers femmes that are a bit tom boyish. I look butch, but I'm not, I'm soft femme; my g/f looks femme, but she's not, she's lipstick butch. Talk about a mind frack!