Taken Out Of Context...

[Hollylane]

The posts coming out of LR 2011 made me think of starting this thread so that some of the fun can continue after the event...

Quotes taken out of context can take on so many different meanings. Here's a space to post the ones that make you laugh the hardest or just leave you shaking your head...

One rule:
Be kind to each other.

Examples:


Overheard at work:

"Oh my God, I've never heard of one that BIG!"

Overheard at the market:

"Sometimes they're not as firm as I'd like."

[Hollylane]

From my dear friend BillyD moments ago:

"I'm fishing through with my fingers and I couldn't find anything"

[Gemme]

"Sometimes you just have to jump in there and get a little dirty, yanno?"

[Hollylane]

Adam Richman...

"I'm leaving, I'm taking my pork and my butterfish with me."

[tonaderspeisung]

context unknown

" i've got 3 big ones and they are all smooshy"

[Starbuck]

"If he brings it out to me, I'm getting drunk tonight"...

[nobelcarrot69]

"If he brings it out to me, I'm getting drunk tonight"...

If you would do something meaningful or exciting with your life, you wouldn't have to wear all those goofy hats for attention.

[scootebaby]

"you took it out,you can put it back in"

[nobelcarrot69]

Oh my you sure had to do some talking, to talk yourself into this one.

[Hollylane]

Overheard at Walgreens:

"Honey, that doesn't make it wet enough"

[scootebaby]

if its not tight going in you will need to get a bigger one

overheard at work "bitch if i slap it any harder my hand will go thru it"

[Gemme]

"Don't close that! Can't you tell I'm still digging around in there?"

[Lazy Daze]

Why does it have to be so hard?? It hurts

[Hollylane]

Something I said today to my Mom that could have been taken out of context:

"Did you put the lotion on her skin?"

[scootebaby]

i'll get more on the backside.

its amazing how far it can spread

[JAGG]

In check out line next to the one I was in I heard this,
I sure hope you thought this through, because it's too late to change your mind now.

[JAGG]

No not that one, I like the short ones that wiggle when they shake.

[Hollylane]

Overheard at a Moroccan restaurant.....

"We all got our hands wet at the same time!"

[Hollylane]

My friend BillyD....


"Dave is rubbing it in and washing it out..."

[Arwen]

Gemme: You should smell the brown. Sometimes it can be root beer but sometimes it can be shit.

[JAGG]

Eeeeww NO WAY! She looks like Alice from the Brady Bunch, only shorter and fatter.

[JAGG]

What's with the matching suspenders and dorky hats?

[scootebaby]

Lay still. I'll tell you when i'm done!

she could suck you dry

[Hollylane]

From a customer today:

"I'm ready Hollylane...go ahead and give it to me slowly"

:|

[Peach]

overheard at work

OMG Dave was hard, but Dustin was harder!

me...what????????

her.......oh no, I meant Dave smacked my butt hard, but Dustin smacked it harder!

[Hollylane]

From LMFAO

"The say I look yummy and they want a taste
But I'm a human not a sandwhich."

[JAGG]

I guess it's better than nothing. I guess.

[Hollylane]

Do you think we could convince them that slapping each others' face is the new high five?

[scootebaby]

if u bend over,it will stretch out!

[Arwen]

I tried that soft bendy thing with Glyn two years ago.

[WingsOnFire]

I tried that soft bendy thing with Glyn two years ago.


:|... That is all...

[Hollylane]

"Dave's Big and Juicy"

[Hollylane]

From some Dude in the :| thread:

"so the last 1-3 inches is not such a bitch to dig out of there?"

[Hollylane]

Morbid customer comment taken out of context....

"Like Sonny in the sense that I don't want to run into that tree!"

[Tcountry]

-"ok....open her up nice & slow"

-"Tim likes my nuts"

-"did you play with your balls last night?"

-"they were out back...trying to find waldo"

-"the stripper is dirty again"

[Gentle Tiger]

I thought of this thread when I heard this in a meeting: "oh wow! I could have used what I had and stayed in there."

[Hollylane]

A thoughtful co-worker shared:

"I just wiped up after the Lumberjack incident." :|

[Gentle Tiger]

"Just get in there and fix it!"
AVP on a conference call

Me to a BA, "just come over. it won't take long."
I needed to show them I could reproduce the defect at will.

[Hollylane]

You are so right, my head is really huge.

[Hollylane]

What the hell did you do to that chicken?

[Midnight]

At work

"I'm taking Midnight into the office to do her"

was in regards to my appraisal LMAO

[msW8ing]

My supervisor calling my desk: Hey Wendy, R and S went on break without pulling their jacks..can you please pull their jacks for me?
Me laughing hysterically: Umm sure I can pull their jacks off.
My supervisor: ROFL so loud it was hear all throughout the 3rd floor. :|

[girl_dee]

"Frank is gonna leave some meat on the seat of my truck*

[Hollylane]

I said bring it, and those girls of yours answered my plea.

[persiphone]

"that is the most American cheese i've ever had on my person."

[Hollylane]

"I just had the entire State of Oregon on my tongue" :|

[princessbelle]

"Thursday, i've hired someone to come and trim my raggedy bushes. It is the only day he can do it, so I have to clear my schedule. It needs to be done in the worst way".

Said on the phone this morning with a moment of silence afterward followed by a lot of laughter.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Overheard whilst standing in a queue: "He poked me again and again in full view of his family!"

........I giggled!

[LaneyDoll]

Overheard at my club; we are pretty bad about innuendo...

(when putting toys back into the bag)
"If it doesn't fit, just push harder!!!"

(when corseting someone)
"I am making it as tight as I can."

(talking about gardening)
"My wife has finally decided that she likes the 6 foot steel spike in her tulips."



:sparklyheart:

[Hollylane]

My neighbors just heard this come out of me:

"For the love of everything Holy, will you stop licking me???"

I'm pretty sure they took it out of context.

[SoNotHer]

"Ten hours? I've never done that with a femme before."

[Hollylane]

"My bottom lip is chapped, that never happened with a femme either"

and shortly after that I heard...

"Ahhh........Domestic Bliss."

[SoNotHer]

"I knew it was going to be good, but I didn't know it would be this good."

[Hollylane]

"Spread and sauce. What's left to cover??"

[Hollylane]

"I guess we know what we'll be doing for Thanksgiving!"

http://cache-images.writersnetwork.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/destination_site_medium/fotolia/Fotolia_15757359_Subscription_L.jpg

[Soon]

I NEED some stuffing!!

:|

[Hollylane]

From an Indiana Restaurant:

"They've got better buns at this Denny's"

[Midnight]

"your stick is bigger than mine" - gardening

[Hollylane]

"I can't get greased up enough today"

[Gentle Tiger]

Oh sure! Rub it in why don't you. Just wave it in my face. Ok, I might be giving in a little.

discussion about iphone 4s and other apple products

[Hollylane]

"S. really likes to ride me"

[Hollylane]

"I don't know, but that just feels wrong in my mouth"

[SoNotHer]

"I don't know the reason why, but I just keep licking it."

[Hollylane]

"Is this an episode of Desert Island Daddies?"

[mustangjeano]

"I don't know, but that just feels wrong in my mouth"

That was so good, thanks

[mustangjeano]

"I don't know the reason why, but I just keep licking it."

speechless

[Arwen]

My stepson to me: I didn't touch your danged pickle!

Me. :|

[Gentle Tiger]

"I don't know, but that just feels wrong in my mouth"

"I don't know the reason why, but I just keep licking it."

These made me :rofl:

[Hollylane]

"I like saying her name like it is a karate move"

[dixie]

"It just doesn't seem right to be rooting around in the ass."

[Mtn]

I just rubbed my turkey. NO it's not like choking my chicken.

[Dude]

you wimp, I knew you should have gone with the six incher

[SoNotHer]

"No we're good. I've got you on my headset. We can function."

[SoNotHer]

"The pictures will have to wait. I'm still playing with wet things."

[Gemme]

C'mere, you need to smell this. Stick your face out there.

[SoNotHer]

"I'm going to put a lot of things in my mouth that I don't want in there. And then I'm going to moan about it for days. But I'll like the taste of it while it's going in."

[girl_dee]

I'm sick of being bent over this cage with my ass in the air.

[ruffryder]

On Thanksgiving.................

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. That's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops.

[Hollylane]

"Just go ahead and make your wish with the bone."

[Gentle Tiger]

"What?! Sometimes I just gotta have it! And then, well, I have to eat it!"

[1QuirkyKiwi]

"It just doesn't seem right to be rooting around in the ass."



I nearly fell of my chair laughing! LOL! In NZ "Root" means to have sex........ :|

[Lazy Daze]

During girls night drinks last night...

"I'm gonna suck it til I get the cherry". Lol

[Hollylane]

"I'm going to go get a tape measure, be ready when I get back."

[Hollylane]

One of my co-workers just posted this on Facebook :|

"We was in and out in 4mins lol!!"

I really had a hard time not responding with:

"Do you really think this is something to brag about?"

[Hollylane]

"I just did a post without a preview, I hope that wasn't premature"

[Arwen]

Thank you for having me.

[Hollylane]

"I'm going to get your package out today, you can't see it, just know that I'm down here playing with it."

[tonaderspeisung]

that's how you shake it doggy style

[smouldering]

"Here hold the legs open and i will reach in, see if i can find it"

[Lazy Daze]

"I'm very picky about my cherries, that have to be the right kind or I won't eat them". Hahahaha

[Hollylane]

"I would rather have magic gums than pepperoni grease stained fingers."

[1QuirkyKiwi]

"PULL IT! ........ PULLLL IT HAAAAAARRDDEEEERRRRRR!!! It's not going to hurt, I can take it! ........ YES! That's it!"

*Sniggers! Over heard when the neighbours were pulling a wardrobe out of the front door this morning - they are moving! LOL!*

[Gentle Tiger]

"somehow my mouth doesn't feel like it was shared with"

[-Red-Flag-]

Yesterday went to starbucks with a friend...I handed over the venti's to her and there was a steam stopper, I am not sure thats what it is really called.. She was like whats this...pulls it out and licks it... She was like this tastes good, I asked her to remove mine as well so I could enjoy my drink..So she does..

She looked at me and I dead pan looked at her and said...'Go ahead and lick it, I know you want to...' Mind you .. She is straight and says, well there is our quote of the day !!

[SoNotHer]

"CIJS it doesn't carry the same weight when it isn't animated."

[SoNotHer]

"Parking is available on the street in front of my house. Pull in perpendicular to the restraining wall."

I'll be going just to see who in fact is pulling in perpendicular to the restraining wall....

[smouldering]

"You can't railroad until it's time to railroad."

[Hollylane]

"that was so big even i had trouble getting my mouth wrapped around that huge thing."

[princessbelle]

"that was so big even i had trouble getting my mouth wrapped around that huge thing."

*gasps and clutches pearls.


You DID forget to mention it was regarding some meat!!!! :readfineprint:

Hamburger meat that is.

Sheesh. You and your delightfully dirty mind!!!!!

xoxoxo

[dixie]

Arsenic in apple juice... news just said.
followed directly by:
I want to keep you forever.

um........... :|

[Gentle Tiger]

"Basically you have to just get in there, do what you can and grab whatever you can. And then when you're done just stick it in over there." :|

[Hollylane]

"You are a mouth gymnast"

[Dude]

just eat it
then tell me what you think

[Hollylane]

"I'm banging on the keyboard, I'm getting somethin' done tonight"

[Midnight]

I've almost got it in! (trying on shoes)

[Hollylane]

Co-worker:

"I am Big Red, I am the longer lasting flavor"

[Inked_Trinity]

Posted by a friend on Facebook:

Bradley finished his erection in my back yard, Kez had to hold it for him for a while but after a few bangs and screws, he was all done! :|

[Hollylane]

"Where is Glen? I believe he needs poking"

[Hollylane]

"Pound it in, hehehe. A stiff drink, hehehe..."

[Chancie]

For the love of god, don't go in there.

Left on a post it on my classroom door

[Gentle Tiger]

"Firmly grasp your mandrake..." from Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets

[Gentle Tiger]

"...because I rarely play with people."

[Hollylane]

"What's wrong with a good, flaccid drink?"

[QueenofSmirks]

"Go ahead, I'll hold it"

(I said to a poker player after he said he needed to pee. I meant I would hold the game until he returned...)

[girl_dee]

Syr *dee, whats in here (shaking plastic container from fridge) *

me * oh, deer Syr*

*oh dear what?*

*no, deer is in there*

*oh, is it dog food or your breakfast? *

[Hollylane]

"Drill them holes! Can I get a witness?"

[Gentle Tiger]

"It may not be right but it's my measurement"

[dixie]

"It may not be right but it's my measurement"

hey now...at least it wasn't the OTHER comment that showed up here. :|

[Hollylane]

"He's waiting for me to tell him where to go."

[Arwen]

Hold still while I wiggle.

[smouldering]

You're gonna do what with that and where?

[ruffryder]

said at dinner to me the other night regarding the last breadstick..

" Pull it out so she (the waitress) can take it."

[Gentle Tiger]

"I hit my ball in really tall grass"

"there was a snake in my grass"

(heard in conversation about golf)

[JAGG]

Hey you pulled that thing out too soon. Haha

[smouldering]

From a friend on Facebook:
"you better stop scooting back and forth or an accidents gonna happen"

[Hollylane]

"I think my face hung up on you"

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Shall I lick it off or do you want to do it...?

Neighbour sarcastically referring to frost on the car.....

[Hollylane]

"I'll do your finger work for you...again." ;)

[Hollylane]

"I worry about people seeing nuts in my teeth at work"

[JustJo]

Did you lick the tip? :blink:

[1QuirkyKiwi]

"Oh bugger! I've just dropped my nuts on the floor!" :blink:

*My cousin who dropped his bag of Pistashios on the floor....*

[Hollylane]

"I just picked up "the wood" in the wrong way..."

[Gentle Tiger]

"You played in my area!! Wait, that didn't come out right."

expressed by playing Words with Friends

[Starbuck]

[FONT="Century Gothic"][/FOverheard at the VA Hospital Therapeutic Recreation Arts and Crafts Class: "You don't need a bracket, just mount it."ONT]

[smouldering]

*here just stick it in and wiggle it around a little bit*
(said while trying to use a empty paper towel role to open up a trash bag)

[1QuirkyKiwi]

"I'm coming regularly now!" :blink:


*A poor choice of words I over heard a new Home-help say about attending an elderly neighbour.* I couldn't help it....I laughed 'til tears ran down my cheeks.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Shop assistant 1: “Oh! I’ve dropped my balls!”
Shop assistant 2: “Pardon? You’ve what?”
Shop assistant 1: “I’ve dropped my Christmas balls!”
Shop assistant 2: “Oh! I thought you had something to tell us!” :blink: :|

Over heard in a gift shop yesterday....I laughed! LOL!

[Hollylane]

"My ass is so warm, you wouldn't believe this wood insert"

[Hollylane]

"Hold on, I'm measuring my opening"

[Gentle Tiger]

Shop assistant 1: “Oh! I’ve dropped my balls!”
Shop assistant 2: “Pardon? You’ve what?”
Shop assistant 1: “I’ve dropped my Christmas balls!”
Shop assistant 2: “Oh! I thought you had something to tell us!” :blink: :|

Over heard in a gift shop yesterday....I laughed! LOL!


"Hold on, I'm measuring my opening"

:lol2: :lol2:

[mustangjeano]

"We are standing in the back and breaking wind"

Said by me to a stranger on a cold windy night at a candelight vigil. She turned to me and said, "you might want to re-phrase that"

[Random]

I used to be a breast woman until I met your ass...

[SoNotHer]

"I need a bigger bead box, and I don't have one."

[tonaderspeisung]

"i don't like the sucking sensation thats going on around the ears"

[Gentle Tiger]

"Don't think about it. Just go down there and work your magic!"

[Honey]

I've never had one that big in me before. ( referring to a splinter)

[Hollylane]

"Just get your head down there and put it in!"

[Hollylane]

"I just took the lead, you better be quivering Hollylane" :|

[Hollylane]

"Why haven't I got anything to poke this thing with?"

[SnackTime]

Said to me...

I'd be holding and you'd be screwing

[Hollylane]

Sometimes I feel like I'm fancy dancing for french fries...

[Midnight]

Stop sucking on me!! (said to nasty bug)

[Inked_Trinity]

" I don't think about that when I pop their little legs apart" :giggle:

[Hollylane]

"Half of her was asleep, and I know which half it wasn't..."

[Midnight]

He has good penetration - NFL commentator

[Inked_Trinity]

"______ is rolling their meat log in honey!" :lol2:

[Hollylane]

What was the name of that meat dish you had last Saturday?

[Midnight]

Maria and I pinned him to the wall until he did something about it

[JAGG]

Ooooh that is big. Whow. What are you doing with it, I mean you're not going to stick it somewhere are you ?

[Hollylane]

"only two of them consistently lick me"

[Soon]

Stop! My cheeks! They hurt!

[Dude]

"eh, just lots of slippery wetness , as if ,we needed more of that."

[Slowpurr]

I finished early; will you lock up when you are done?

[Hollylane]

"I really want to put something in my mouth, but I just can't bring myself to do it"

[Dude]

just shove it up there and see if it slides out.
if it does, go with the bigger one.

[Gentle Tiger]

"I can still eat the meat right? :| "

:lol2:

[Hollylane]

"I can still eat the meat right? :| "

:lol2:

I'm fairly certain I said: "No this is not an out of context quote. NO."

Hmphfff! Rotten Tiger! ;)

[Hollylane]

"I am looking everywhere for the vagina and G-spot"

[smouldering]

"did you really just sit on that?"

[Dude]

"look at you, just wandering around looking for some where to stick that."

[tonaderspeisung]

"i saw you try and sneak that in there but i knew it had my name all over it just by the size alone"

[*Anya*]

"I am looking everywhere for the vagina and G-spot"

Now, this was totally taken out of context, you bad girl Holly!

[Hollylane]

"Shit...no more ball slippage..."

[AtLast]

Sometimes I think my entire life has been "out of context".....

:seeingstars:

[midwest chick]

I just checked your wood with my lips, and it's still wet.

[Cid]

Over heard at work...maybe I'm not sucking hard enough

[Honey]

I was sending Jagg a text message ( thank God I proof read it or hy'd laugh and call me a mess as usual )....and typed: ..."...MOIST butches..." it was supposed to be MOST butches...I think thats what is meant by Freudian slip !!!

[scootebaby]

if you bend over far enough it will go in easier

[JAGG]

I'd like to have about 4 more inches .

[Dude]

:sigh: "i'll be over here in the big wood section, if you need me"

[Hollylane]

"wood to work face"

[Dude]

"what scares me, is the feeling of urgency in public places"

[Hollylane]

"Shall I go back in?"

[Hollylane]

"Don't they tickle on the way down?"

[Hollylane]

"I watched him throw 20 big woods"

[JAGG]

Well you heard her. She has permission to fluff it all up.

[LaneyDoll]

Overhead from a conversation about remodeling...

I pounded all night and my arms are killing me, I am not sure that it is worth it.

:sparklyheart:

[Hollylane]

"I'm going to do this, and then I'm getting off..."

[Inked_Trinity]

" Bigger wood stays wetter longer" :rofl:

[Hollylane]

"mine would get antsy when there are strangers with power tools near them."

[smouldering]

"Hey what is that dangly thing" :D

[Hollylane]

"wacking off their suckers"

[Hollylane]

"Take your meat and get out of here."

[Hollylane]

"damn, you're making this hard"

[smouldering]

"What is that white sticky stuff on the table?" :|

[apretty]

Well, this is awkward.

[Gentle Tiger]

"I think I'd remember sucking the head out"

overheard someone trying to remember if they had ever tried craw fish.

[midwest chick]

:blink::blink::blink:"Oh my God! that feels like wet bologna!"

and

Honey, be careful leaning in like that, it's a lot deeper than you think":blink::blink::blink:





overheard at the Virginia Aquarium today...

[Hollylane]

"A new user in Portland has sent you a message"

[Gemme]

"A new user in Portland has sent you a message"


I'd ignore it unless you have an affinity for meth.

:|

[Hollylane]

I'd ignore it unless you have an affinity for meth.

:|

:giggling: <-- not really, I laughed pretty hard. Exactly! :)

[Hollylane]

"The Tight End Comparison"

[Hollylane]

"Your zipper just went in my eye"

[Trey339]

Its butter,,,its not a medicine,,,its a condiment

[Hollylane]

"I could probably still do it, with a pole that had the right length and weight..."

[tonaderspeisung]

"you need to go get yourself a new nipple
the one that's on there now is old, worn out and no good"

[Metro]

As seen posted in the produce department:

"ripe for tonight"

[Hollylane]

"We really need to troll around, and then present this in a vanilla way"

and...


"You're really only looking at his package"

[Metro]

heard on a local news segment this morning describing the winter fest:

"thousands of holes have been drilled this morning."

yes, my depraved mind did indeed go there.

[funkyfemme]

Overheard my roomie on the phone yesterday...

"you wanna pull on my nut?"

:blink:

[TimilDeeps]

Overheard in my sister's kitchen . . . " I want the ball sauce on my pasta."

:blink:

[Hollylane]

"Actually, it took me longer because I'm talking to you, usually I'd be in and out pretty quickly...."

[funkyfemme]

"It was pretty sticky when I touched it." :|

Overheard thru the curtain in the ER last night.

[Metro]

Spoken by Chris Harrison (of The Bachelorette fame) while guest hosting on Access Hollywood Live and in reference to a performer appearing on SNL:


"He does a great show and his bits are phenomenal."

[JustJo]

"Oh, I almost fell on your lips"

[foxyshaman]

After removing items from my bag:
Clerk "do you need a bag today" :blink:

Same observant clerk

"you realize you are wearing two different ear rings"

Me

"every day" :blink:

[Hollylane]

"It's not going to be a long list, I'm not over-packing this year, I can't, I'm flying"

"When you pack stuff that you end up not using, or wearing...Of course you don't know that while you're packing, you think..Well...I might wear that, and it does give you other wardrobe opportunities..."

[Hollylane]

"If I have dry hands, I may just go over and get a couple squirts..."

[Hollylane]

"They just don't make them wieners long enough."

[jac]

"You can't poke it gently. You have to stick it in hard in order for the stuff to come out" :pointing:

Overheard conversation about breaking the seal on a new tube of super glue.

[Hollylane]

"That's why you get the extra long bun length ones"

and...

"FYI, your box is full"

[Lazy Daze]

"Once this ball gets wet, its game over". :|

[little_ms_sunshyne]

"Have you ever tried the Bush?" (referring to a Fried chicken place :|)

[Gaige]

I can push it back a little further until you get off.

it = my work break
get off = end of work day

apparently i'm dating someone with a dirty mind since she was the one to point it out to me :laughin:

[Hollylane]

Me (talking about one of the systems at work that went down): "Can you get it up Charlie?"

Charlie (taking it out of context): "I'm not that past my prime Hollylane"

My response:

:|

[scootebaby]

just because its tight doesnt mean it wont fit!

if i slap it any harder i'll have to take it home with me

look,i told you,you have to get on your knees to get it.


ETA: just read on yahoo. "swimmer rips suit,tops Phelps" :blink:

[Gemme]

I'm not going to break it; I'm going to break it in.

:|

[Lazy Daze]

So tonight, you are gonna lay on the bed, and I am gonna lay it on top of you.... :praying:

[Hollylane]

"Okay...I'm being good 'cause you're inside."

[jac]

"It's not always the size that matters, sometimes it's all about the cream..." :superfunny:

Said at a team meeting when a couple staff were discussing and comparing the two cakes for the director's birthday celebration.

[puddin']

"does it hurt, leave your knee unsettled or have no effect at all?"

[Hollylane]

"Are you going to eat that, or just keep walking around smelling it?"

and...

"She's had that banana up her nose for about 15 minutes now"

[ruffryder]

on my facebook page, we had fun with:

"Got a BJs (discount store) membership today."

[Metro]

Recenlty overheard at a crowded & noisy restaurant (a befuddled Maitre D' trying to confirm a reservation by phone):

"The reservation is for a BJ?"

[Nope, it wasn't THAT kind of an establishment.]

[Lazy Daze]

:sunglass:"about time you went down on it"

[Metro]

"Could he shoot a few blanks?"

[Instructions for a photographer spoken to a business associate. Also falls into category of That Awkward Moment.]

[Hollylane]

From an email I just sent to my Rabbit Advocate and hay supplier friend...

Hay Jan, I mean Hey Jan...

I hope you and your buns are doing good.

[Guy]

Why didn't you wet the tip first?

[JAGG]

" We were never together. But I had to break up with her like 10 times." LMAO

[thedivahrrrself]

"I have one eye. You have two heads."

[puddin']

"i have the part. i'll come by and put it in this afternoon."

[Lazy Daze]

"I have to feel it first to see if it's old" :|

(He was talking about buying a bagel or not)

[Hollylane]

"So...Wayne, do you want to be on your knees, or using the hoe?"

"Hey Scott, can you reach behind me and grab that little bush? It's my turn to be down in the dirt, and Wayne took off to help them with the hoe."

Not one person batted an eye. My vanilla co-workers are amazing, and have couth and stuff.

[puddin']

"it's so tiny, it's really hard to screw!" :|

[ruffryder]

my honey and I were cracking up over the sign "local honey"

... and then we couldn't just stop there. Peaches and melons got taken out of context too! hehe.

[Hollylane]

"Baby, I got us a room, and a long one..."

[Gaige]

so i'm taking with my baby on the phone about cell coverage and about how i believe the reason for my sometimes poor coverage is due to dropping my phone too many times. It reminded me that i noticed a crack on the side of my phone earlier today so i pulled the phone away from my ear to check the damage and i hear her starting to talk again which leads me to blurt out...

"Hold on...I'm looking at my crack"

[JAGG]

She has crazy eyes. I bet she's a psycho.

[genghisfawn]

"I was hoping you could run them off so I could have my way with them."

- Said in all innocence by the opera director, asking me to print off my surtitle translations so she can check my idioms

[jac]

"I can't get it off!"
A friend trying to take the lid off her ice tea from the drive thru window. :seeingstars: