What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

[kittygrrl]

I think everyone should have at least a few things that they have to have (in a realtionship) to keep the home fires burning and have a little slice of joy in your lives together. I have a few and I know, my S.O. does also. But our have-to's are very different. I'm interested in what works for others. Please share your thoughts of what works and/or would work for you. Thanks

ps. will share mine a little later, i'm late for an appointment) but thinking about how these can change as we become older..

[*Anya*]

My 3 non-negotiables, learned the hard, painful way:

1. Total, absolute honesty-no matter how difficult it may be. Not the kind of honesty that says: "Why yes, your ass looks as wide as the Golden Gate bridge in those jeans". This actually could be said differently and still be honest- " I just love how you look in those jeans you wore the other day- so hot on you".

I digress: honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy, functional relationship. To me. Period.

2. Fidelity. Once the "I love you, only you, no cheating in this relationship" has been stated: Honor it or get the fuck out. Note to self: make damn sure you actually follow through with consequences, if this should rear it's ugly head in your next relationship. No more second, third (lost count in last long-term relationship) chances. Zip, nada. I have regained my balls, so-to-speak.

3. Kindness, affection, empathy, sense of humor, flexibility, mutual respect and regular, hot sex- are all rolled into #3. They are all equally important to me.

This is not asking for too much is it?

:)

[kittygrrl]

Mine~

1. Daddy-Girl (but I'm no pushover, I have to RESPECT you)
2. Able to manage finances (this does not mean you have to have a lot of money, but good at managing however much we make)
3. Passionate/Intense




Hys~

1. Good cook
2. Affectionate/Thoughtful/Obedient
3. Good Hygiene

[kittygrrl]

My 3 non-negotiables, learned the hard, painful way:

1. Total, absolute honesty-no matter how difficult it may be. Not the kind of honesty that says: "Why yes, your ass looks as wide as the Golden Gate bridge in those jeans". This actually could be said differently and still be honest- " I just love how you look in those jeans you wore the other day- so hot on you".

I digress: honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy, functional relationship. To me. Period.

2. Fidelity. Once the "I love you, only you, no cheating in this relationship" has been stated: Honor it or get the fuck out. Note to self: make damn sure you actually follow through with consequences, if this should rear it's ugly head in your next relationship. No more second, third (lost count in last long-term relationship) chances. Zip, nada. I have regained my balls, so-to-speak.

3. Kindness, affection, empathy, sense of humor, flexibility, mutual respect and regular, hot sex- are all rolled into #3. They are all equally important to me.

This is not asking for too much is it?

:)

Totally agree Anya, I think honesty is one of the most important

[SoNotHer]

1) Integrity

2) Intelligence

3) A fine sense of humor.

[kittygrrl]

1) Integrity

2) Intelligence

3) A fine sense of humor.

intelligence I should have made it 5 :rubberducky:

[Medusa]

3 Musts for me:

1. MUST be a stable adult: For me, this means they have a checking account, a stable place to live, and a job of some sort. This doesn't have to mean they have tons of money but it does mean that they would pay their car insurance over buying a new xbox if it came down to it.

2. They must be hella smart with a wicked sense of humor. Smart enough to call me on my shit and funny enough to poke at the irony of it in the first place.

3. They must be honest in every way.

[Soft*Silver]

I am not going to say honesty, good sense of humour, good hygiene, etc because those are givens. If I have to expect them then that means some people expect me not to expect them and frankly, thats a non reality...

so..here are my three

1) no active addiction raging. I dont care if you are addicted to Build A Bears, get it under control, go to a 12 step meeting for it, admit you are powerless over the damn stuffing and then we can talk. I am working on MINE, so I cant afford to let you not be working on yours too if you have an addiction!

2) you have a purpose in life. There has to be some reason you were put on this earth and to wake up every day. And dont say its to love of me. Thats a given if you are in a relationship with me. I want to see motivation, passion, a drive, etc. Maybe its to feed the feral cats in the park. Or to build a bridge so people can have a clean water supply. Or maybe you want to collect comic books. Great! Just dont have nothing.

3) be a genteel gentleman in the truest sense of the archetype. I dont tolerate poor speech. Slouching pants. Offensive language. Ambigious dating practices. If I have to guess if we are out on a date, because you arent opening doors, smiling and looking into my eyes and holding my attention by the cologne you are wearing, as well as the conversation we are having, we arent getting past the date to get into a relationship.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

"Why yes, your ass looks as wide as the Golden Gate bridge in those jeans".

:)

Hey! I resemble that remark! LOL! :| :cheesy:

Only 3? Crikey! ….Umm….

No smoking, heavy drinking or use of illicit or prescription drugs where they are an addiction and not for genuine medical purposes. This IS a dealbreaker!

Good personal hygiene….that includes clothes, shoes as well as your body!

Honesty and open intimate communication….I don’t just mean sexually intimate communication, but, about feelings, thoughts, opinion, ideas, hopes, dreams, desire, fears, etc. Don’t twist what has been said to suit your own means because what I’ve said has triggered a past event or you don't like it!

I don’t want perfection (that’s boring!), but, accept that we are all a work in progress in life and that we all make mistakes and not to be afraid to openly talk about them with me….I WILL NOT reject you! (Unless you are abusive, but, that's a given!)

….Sneaking another 2 in here, if I may….?

Faithfulness…. I might not be the most beautiful or the sexiest woman. I may not have the perfect body, yet, I am a GREAT choice. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not – I’m not perfect, yet, I am me! If that is not good enough, and you feel the need for ‘extra’ in your life, I have no problem ending the relationship.

Respect….If you cannot respect yourself, you won’t respect me or anyone else and I will not be disrespected!

[Apocalipstic]

My 3 things....

Kind/Nice

Respectful

Funny

I don't care about cheating, money, even honesty any more...I need someone who is nice, funny and treats me with respect and is really really really laid back.

[Deborah]

I am not going to say honesty, good sense of humour, good hygiene, etc because those are givens. If I have to expect them then that means some people expect me not to expect them and frankly, thats a non reality...

so..here are my three

1) no active addiction raging. I dont care if you are addicted to Build A Bears, get it under control, go to a 12 step meeting for it, admit you are powerless over the damn stuffing and then we can talk. I am working on MINE, so I cant afford to let you not be working on yours too if you have an addiction!

2) you have a purpose in life. There has to be some reason you were put on this earth and to wake up every day. And dont say its to love of me. Thats a given if you are in a relationship with me. I want to see motivation, passion, a drive, etc. Maybe its to feed the feral cats in the park. Or to build a bridge so people can have a clean water supply. Or maybe you want to collect comic books. Great! Just dont have nothing.

3) be a genteel gentleman in the truest sense of the archetype. I dont tolerate poor speech. Slouching pants. Offensive language. Ambigious dating practices. If I have to guess if we are out on a date, because you arent opening doors, smiling and looking into my eyes and holding my attention by the cologne you are wearing, as well as the conversation we are having, we arent getting past the date to get into a relationship.

THese work well for me....

1. Addiction can sadly include the computer (BFP :(, Farmville etc) if you would rather get your strokes from online we got a problem....

2. Motivation and passion has to include some action....dont just tell me you are all about something...if you arent doing something towards it then its just talk to me...

3. I have been in a a relationship where someone would have to guess if the other person was my partner, because they didnt believe in PDA...it's so much nicer when someone sees us together they see the love between us and I am not talking about over the top things that would make one say "get a room"

All the above of course is in addition to the obvious, honesty, fidelity, respect, humor, a job, shared house duties etc....I am happy :)

[Skittlesluver]

Honesty, trust and sincerity is a given on any relationship for me but the three important things are (in no specific order):

1. Goal-oriented: Have a purpose or a goal that motivates you (excluding me) lol

2. Independent: These are the most attractive and interesting women in my opinion.

3. Intellectual: You can rock my body but if you don't rock my mind..it isn't happening for us :)

Bottom line I will be your :king: and you will be my :princess: but neither of us walks in front or behind..we rule together side by side :cheer:

[Jett]

It's a hard question because I'll think of ten things that do really matter to me by the time I post this... okies, here we go.

1. A stable personality... that comes out that way, if you say six different things depending on your mood we have a big problem right there, I need to know where someones really coming from without having to read between the lines or compare all your statements and guess which one is the overall truth.

2. Honesty everywhere it really counts, if you're lying to me to hide something, trust me I know what the truth is and now you're not only an XYZ but also a liar... I can forgive, understand live with a lot... but if you lie to me about it that is actually like, two strikes every time.

3. Can discuss even a heated difference like an adult, if you deflect, never own your actions, blame everybody but yourself etc etc. yada hey or resort to a nasty personal attack because you've bullshitted yourself into a corner then just do yourself a favor forget it before you even open your mouth...

I'm a very forgiving and understanding person... and I've actually put up with and ignored some of this shit more than I should have, but I've been around the block more than twice, and I just have lost all tolerance at this point in my life for the bs. (and I was right, I could go on and on about now, lol ;)

[Apocalipstic]

It is very interesting to me how my non-negotiables have changed over the years from wanting complete fidelity to just plain someone I get along with.

I mean, who cares if they cheat if we can't even have a conversation without hurting each other's feelings?

:praying:

[atomiczombie]

Femme is a given.

1. Kind, compassionate and loving.

2. Respectful. This includes honesty and respecting boundaries.

3. Intelligent and geeky. Cause that's hot.

Because I can't just put 3:

4. Strong in herself. That means a girl who is able to clearly state her needs and stand up for herself. I don't want to be with someone who sacrifices her needs and wants for mine. I want to have a relationship where we both compromise and negotiate so that we both get our needs and wants met, equally.

5. Strong chemistry and sexual compatibility. It's got to be hot.

[Quintease]

1. Total, absolute honesty

I digress: honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy, functional relationship. To me. Period.

2. Fidelity.

3. Kindness, affection, empathy, sense of humor, flexibility, mutual respect and regular, hot sex- are all rolled into #3.



Them.

I'd like to point out that 'fidelity' also applies in open relationships. I don't want to be left in the dark if you decide to play away.

Kindness is far more important to me now than it ever was, so I think I'd give it it's own category.

And 5. Must like chocolate.

[Apocalipstic]

And 5. Must like chocolate.

The importance of chocolate must not be ignored!! :sunglass:

Chocolate is medicinal....even at times, better than boobs.

[Rockinonahigh]

Just three?Life isnt that simple at all,I wish it was.

First it would have to be..Honesty, integraty and truthfullness.

Second...Its a big must..be a grown adult that takes responsablity that includes a job or incom with a bank account that u can use.Beleave me when I say I dont need your suport or access to ur bank account,I have my own thank u.

Thirdly-If ur r a cheeter or player or big old drama queen....please dont apply fore this relationship.I am not big enought nor do I want to ride that rollercoaster u r on.I can deal with normal stuff but this dramaramma stuff is a no go.
Forth-I told u it had to be more than three.I have my disablities to deal with,understand I wont all ways be 100% or even colse to it,I will be glad to discuss it with u anytime...I will also do the same for u if u have a issue u need to talk about.

More later.

[weatherboi]

a healthy heart
a hungry soul
a critical thinking brain

This boy got lucky!!!

[Passionaria]

Only three? I may have to be a serial poster! If these three qualities are present, there is a strong enough connection (for me) to work through the more negotiable stuff.

1. Chemistry, undeniable chemistry. I think that is a combination of a physical, heart and soul connection. Just got to have some.....

2. Emotional honesty, served with fineness.

3. Tenderness of heart with a very naughty edge.

Sometimes 3=5. *Blinks*

[Inuus]

1. Must be an animal lover. If ya dont like animals it aint gonna work with me

2. Kindness, compassion, empathy, understanding

3. NO active addiction and yes that includes online stuff.

[Sassy]

I have one non-negotiable.... Spirituality. You must be open-minded, open-hearted and interested in alternative faiths and spiritual practices at least to the point of being willing to discuss/debate philosophical differences and participate in rituals, etc. on special occasions. :praying:

And then one solid, undeniable truth... I'm a Sagittarius. The wild wanderings -- verbal, mental, emotional, physical, sensual and metaphysical -- of a Jupiter's child can be tiring. If you have days where you don't have the energy to get off the couch, then you do not have the energy for me. ;)

[sara-bera]

1a. dominant and peaceful nature
1b. non-smoker
2. kindness
3. maturity

[Starbuck]

1. Have good communication skills and is a good speller.
2. Knows the difference between your and you're.
3. Knows the difference between their, there, and they're.
They're smart and can have an intelligent conversation :canadian:

[Glenn]

My three must haves have changed through the years like this:
Sex sex sex
Respect sex sex
Committment respect sex
Working out respect committment
And I suspect by the time I reach my eighties, the working out will be replaced by patience.

[Martina]

Understands addiction and respects addicts

[1QuirkyKiwi]

The importance of chocolate must not be ignored!! :sunglass:

Chocolate is medicinal....even at times, better than boobs.

What about boobs covered in chocolate....? That's medicinal and therapeutic, right? :) :cheesy:

[OS Butch]

The importance of chocolate must not be ignored!! :sunglass:

Chocolate is medicinal....even at times, better than boobs.

Well, dang.... I guess that means we won't ever date :sunglass:.... I am not a chocolate lover....Odd but true....Hey wait.... Does giving chocolate count;)

[cinderella]

No, Anya, absolutely not that you're asking for too much. I feel the same way, and my must-haves are the same as yours, with a few extry points...

Must be a NON-boozer, drugie, smoker, and must be squeaky clean about hygene - esp. oral/dental hygene.

Intelligence, integrity, character, a sense of self-assurance, and humanity for all living things, are also characteristics important to me. All sprinkled with a good sense of humor, esp. someone who can laugh at themselves and not take themselves or life so darn seriously.


My 3 non-negotiables, learned the hard, painful way:

1. Total, absolute honesty-no matter how difficult it may be. Not the kind of honesty that says: "Why yes, your ass looks as wide as the Golden Gate bridge in those jeans". This actually could be said differently and still be honest- " I just love how you look in those jeans you wore the other day- so hot on you".

I digress: honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy, functional relationship. To me. Period.

2. Fidelity. Once the "I love you, only you, no cheating in this relationship" has been stated: Honor it or get the fuck out. Note to self: make damn sure you actually follow through with consequences, if this should rear it's ugly head in your next relationship. No more second, third (lost count in last long-term relationship) chances. Zip, nada. I have regained my balls, so-to-speak.

3. Kindness, affection, empathy, sense of humor, flexibility, mutual respect and regular, hot sex- are all rolled into #3. They are all equally important to me.

This is not asking for too much is it?

:)

[Passionaria]

I told you I would be a serial poster here. There is just one more I would like to add, and forgive me if this turns into a bit of a rant. I believe we all desire a person of character, attraction, intelligence and hygiene that treats us in a way that brings joy (lol, except maybe emotional masochists). But this one point has been blaring, screaming, pulsing through my mind and heart and I need to express it. My personal feelings here so please take no offense.

Someone who understands and lives the ways of love:

We all want love, as humans we need love. So much seeking for love and so few really finding it. So I have to ask myself why that is, and after much reflecting I believe it is partly because we live in a superficial society, that rides the wave of don't get to close and real. We have become separated from our hearts and emotions and our humanness. I think this is also cultural. There are some cultures that the way's of love are more built in. I'm an honest woman so I am going to speak my heart here. I find this to be especially true in Gay culture. No absolutes here, just what I have seen. We want true love, but do we know how to live true love?

When I think of the ways of love here are some thoughts that come to my mind:

How do you hold the heart of someone you love, or someone who loves you? Even in friendship, what is their heart worth? In my crazy mind peoples hearts are sacred, they hold worth, and should be treated with care. Caring is the action of love, in my mind because it spurs one to create beauty together, and curbs the actions that would tear us a part. A thread of creative action that grows togetherness and intimacy. These actions in my mind weave a tale of integrity, making space for creation of beauty between two people, and a love that can with stand the tides of life. There are endless expressions of love, why not focus on those?

Even when someone turns out to not be right for you, how do you hold their heart? Especially if that person has really loved you? Is their value in their feelings or are hearts disposable as something that can be taken out with the trash? I am asking this in all honesty, because of the ways I see people treating each other.

I do believe that we have to have this relationship with ourselves first, to be able to share it. And I am not professing to be a master of this, only a student on the road. I do know though, that is is the road I choose for my life. I have a basic list, not to complicated. I desire those qualities delivered by someone who who understands and lives the ways of love.......

I know all this sounds flowery, and serious, and that are those in life we should protect ourselves from rather than opening our heart to. But if one is seeking true love, I have to ask you as well as myself what will you do with it once you find it??? Ok I'm done. :vigil:

q8VLlVU7En4

[Apocalipstic]

What about boobs covered in chocolate....? That's medicinal and therapeutic, right? :) :cheesy:

I love it! Yes! :eatinghersheybar:

Well, dang.... I guess that means we won't ever date :sunglass:.... I am not a chocolate lover....Odd but true....Hey wait.... Does giving chocolate count;)[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

Hmmm, must ponder....:eatinghersheybar:

is not enjoying chocolate normal? :hamactor:

[ruby_woo]

Only 3? :| Oh boy...

1) A good sense of humour. Bonus points for the ability to make me laugh until I get the hiccups.

2) Must be kind to animals, the elderly, and the wait staff. If you are a bad tipper, or don't give up your seat on the bus to the ninety year old without one, it ain't happening.

3) No smokers. I just can't.

[Greyson]

Integirty in word and action
Respect
Intelligence


I realize everyone is made of flesh and bone. There will be hurtful choices but keep it to a minimum and take responsibility when it does happen. The "Blame Game" requires no self reflection and is ultimately of no value to yourself or the relationship.

[AtLast]

Integirty in word and action
Respect
Intelligence


I realize everyone is made of flesh and bone. There will be hurtful choices but keep it to a minimum and take responsibility when it does happen. The "Blame Game" requires no self reflection and is ultimately of no value to yourself or the relationship.

You sum it up for me! I probably would add respect for sexual boundaries.

[ButchEire]

If drinking (even socially), sports and online endeavors are an integral part of your life, it won't work.

If you expect me to either consistently analyze you or completely avoid doing so, you won't want to be around me. I'm a natural analytical mind but I don't whip out the couch for friends or family.

If you speak highly of your friends and/or family, but your actions don't match your words, there's a huge underlying problem that will only get worse and I won't be able to avoid pointing it out without losing my integrity.


Also: if you profess to "hate" anything or anyone, that won't work. Disliking, I get, but hating, as in "I HATE children," no. Perhaps you don't want kids and that's fine, but hating is a whole different ball game.

[JustJo]

Only three is tough...very tough...

:rrose: Respect...self-respect, respect for me, respect for our relationship, respect for our family, respect for the needs and feelings of others. I think many of the things we list from honesty to work ethic to hygiene flow from this.

:rrose: Kindness...to have the fundamental belief and practice that kindness, to self and others...whether loved ones or strangers...is worth striving for. To have a kind heart that treats me, my son, and themself with care and kindness...even when life gets difficult.

:rrose: Passion...without that spark, we are friends...good friends, valued friends, dear friends...but not partners.

[MsDemeanor]

- Believes that pets should sleep in the bed with us
- Wicked smart sexy brain
- Enjoys pro football and baseball (hockey is fine, too), is okay about my not caring for basketball, and does not like the Yankees or any quarterback named Manning or Tebow.

[mustangjeano]

definitely all femme

Loves animals and is kind to all living things

is capable of owning her own stuff and has done at least some work on her issues.

[Ashton]

Seasonal well being fellow planetiers!

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[ladyhawkxx]

definitely all femme

Loves animals and is kind to all living things

is capable of owning her own stuff and has done at least some work on her issues.
WHAT?? What's this I'm reading....? Are you being totally reasonable here or what? This is incredible! A Butch with reasonable expectations for hys woman/femme! OMG - (walks directly into wall in front of me - SMAK!!) ((((((MUSTANGJEANO)))))) I think I just might love ya!!!! LH

[scootebaby]

took me awhile to figure out if i even had 3....some may say i have many others may agree on the ones i list....either way this is what I feel........


1....HONESTY!!! if you cant/dont/wont be honest about the small,mundane things because you dont want to deal/hear my reaction,then its a good indicator u really wont be honest about the big things....this in turns destroys everything else--trust,passion,openness!


2...if you dont understand the relationship/connection i have with my son,at least respect it...after all i have known him longer,i KNOW his negatives and positives.

and i had to struggle to find the 3rd one but....

3...dont talk out both sides of your mouth! dont say what u think i want to hear,dont try to impress me

[Kätzchen]

-be appreciative of wicked smart intelligence
-must love hunting ;)
-sharing a love for all seasons

[Truly Scrumptious]

Things like honesty, compassion, sense of humour (including the ability to laugh at oneself) and good hygiene are givens. I mean, I wouldn’t be considering a relationship without them. But assuming those criteria are met, my next 3 are:

Must love to “do” the beach the way I do.
I used to say I wanted someone who loved the beach. Then I learned almost everyone loves the beach, but that saying so means different things to different people. Some people mean they like to look at it, some like to walk on it, some like to spend an hour or so there. I like to get there before anyone else does, and leave after everyone else has. I can spend 9 or 10 hours at a stretch there, and then come back and do it again the next day.

Must love mushrooms.
Two partners who hated them and one who was ambivalent about something I love so much made this a requirement.

Must be able to let things go.
Look, we’re going to hurt each other from time to time . . . it just happens. I try hard to say what I mean, mean what I say, and not say it mean, but every so often I am going to say something I don’t mean, or do something without thinking it through . . . everyone does. I am too old and tired to carry a grudge, or to deal with the silent treatment while I try to figure out what I’ve done wrong, and anyway, I’ve probably already forgotten it. I let these things go quickly. I don’t think everything needs to be hashed out, and could live the rest of my life happily never hearing the words “I need to process this” ever again.

This of course only applies to (what to me are) little things, because there is no coming back from (what to me are) big things like cheating.

[twist of lime]

Well, I gave this a go, like, 12 times and it just seems to turn into an insurmountable list.

*feeling a bit unreasonable : /

XOILKHmZBwc

[Dominique]

OK, No wire hangars was funny (I think)

My list is short and sweet.

No cigarettes, no drugs, no drunks

[Sassy]

- ..and does not like the Yankees or any quarterback named Manning or Tebow.

I <3 heart <3 this

I live in Seminole country. I hate the name Tebow.

*laughs!* ;)

[Elijah]

No substance abusers (I am 9 years clean and sober)

Honesty. Period.

A sense of humor.

Kinky or open to it.

No. Drama.

(I don't follow rules so well)

[HoustonHuny]

When the love bug hits me....Everything is negotiable. :goodscore:

[Soft*Silver]

you must know who red skelton is and adore him

traditions are important to me and my adult daughter. Honor them and help us create some for you and us

speaking of, its a package deal...me and the adult kid, and any grandchildren that might come along.

[Gemme]

It's a hard question because I'll think of ten things that do really matter to me by the time I post this... okies, here we go.

1. A stable personality... that comes out that way, if you say six different things depending on your mood we have a big problem right there, I need to know where someones really coming from without having to read between the lines or compare all your statements and guess which one is the overall truth.



My friend, if there are many out there who think this way, I am doomed. It's the curse of the Gemini to feel everything a different way at different times. It's the built in flibbertygibbet in us.

:princess:


And 5. Must like chocolate.

Well, dang.... I guess that means we won't ever date :sunglass:.... I am not a chocolate lover....Odd but true....Hey wait.... Does giving chocolate count;)

I'd like to expound on this a little bit more. How about we take Quintease's chocolate demand and make it

And 5. Doesn't have to like or love chocolate, but must like or love giving me chocolate, in large quantities.

Is that acceptable?


Must love mushrooms.
Two partners who hated them and one who was ambivalent about something I love so much made this a requirement.


I :stillheart: this.

[Gemme]

For myself, I also have a difficult time narrowing something so complex down to just three ticks on a list but these are the really, truly big ones:

1. No abuse. You will not hit me. You will not force me to do things I don't want to do (the occasional making me go out to visit Auntie Maude and Uncle Fester when I really don't feel like leaving the house is okay....). There will be no non-concentual roughness of any kind. This include physical, mental and emotional domains.

2. Mind your addictions. Non-prescription, illegal drugs are not welcome. Neither is excessive drinking. Neither is betting on the ponies. Neither is bedding anyone and/or everyone you meet. The internet is negotiable, as I have a small addiction to it as well.

3. Respect. You will give what you get with me. You give me shit, then that is what you receive. You give me kindness and consideration and respect and tenderness and you shall receive those back in spades.

[AtLast]

No lying, period. Even if my feelings could be hurt by something, I'd rather have the truth and deal with what it means.

Self-sufficiency and an adult- I am not a Daddy (no negative judgement of others in alternative types of relationships, this is just not for me).

Self-examined and aware that our actions do effect others- guess this is about not being entitled and unaware of others around us.

Have to add that I can't be with someone that drinks a lot. And I don't know if I would do well with a recovering alcoholic or other substance abuser to be honest.

Hummm... as an older person, I find that there are many things I just won't deal with that I may have in the past. Love and partnership is a wonderful thing, but I just don't have the same need for a relationship as I did earlier in my life. Maybe it is just that relationship variables have just changed as I have aged and I am used to and like living on my own. The last LTR (6 years, prior one 21 years), I did not live with my partner and it worked well for both of us. Although, we lived about 20 minutes from one another.

[Gemme]

And....you will tell me when I spell nonconsensual wrong.

BEFORE I post.

:blink:

[DapperButch]

1) Integrity

2) The person prefers a stone partner

3) The person consciously works towards being the best self that they can be in all areas of their life (in love, in their work, in their mental health, in their financial choices, in their family relationships, etc.)

[Butterbean]

1. My toaster strudel is mine.

2. My toaster strudel is mine.

3. My toaster strudel is mine.


Some things are sacred.

[foxyshaman]

1. Don't spy on me. If I am doing something, it WILL be in the open. This girl is way too wise to hide.

2. I am not your "everything". We are separate entities. You can live without me. Proof - we met - therefore, you were alive previously.

3. Having super honed intuition gives me a tad leg up. Lie... I'll know. But you won't necessarily know I do. Self-Hanging is not fun to watch, but I won't intervene.

[Just_G]

I will say that three non-negotiables for ME:

1. The dogs sleep in the bed...they were here first :winky:

2. No Missouri Tiger fans. NONE. Zilch. Zero.

3. You've gotta like to go dancing! (and if you want to take some ballroom lessons with me, you get extra credit!! :winky:)

[mustangjeano]

WHAT?? What's this I'm reading....? Are you being totally reasonable here or what? This is incredible! A Butch with reasonable expectations for hys woman/femme! OMG - (walks directly into wall in front of me - SMAK!!) ((((((MUSTANGJEANO)))))) I think I just might love ya!!!! LH

There IS a Santa Clause, there IS a Santa Claus.!!! Thank you Dear Lady

[persiphone]

~using my child as a pawn to try to manipulate me in some way. even my own child sees through this.

~abuse of any kind whether it be verbal, emotional, or physical.

~giant egos. PASS.

[girl_dee]

No alcohol

Goals in life

Self sufficient

[kittygrrl]

I think three (really wanted to say five) is healthy (with some things being givens) because the more "I have to have this" it takes the less open we are to what life has to offer..life isn't perfect and we aren't either, thats ok, in life there has to be sweet and bitter..but balance is what we are seeking..(imo)

[JAGG]

Integrity
Intelligent
Energetic/ Fit

[ruffryder]

1. My toaster strudel is mine.

2. My toaster strudel is mine.

3. My toaster strudel is mine.


Some things are sacred.

This reminds me of the subway commercial. He he.

[kittygrrl]

This reminds me of the subway commercial. He he.

(in a fix) toaster strudel rules :byebye:

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I’m adding….

Annunciation
Pronunciations
Sentence formation

This my seem like the pot calling the kettle black, considering my accent may be seen as a bastardisation of the English language in terms of pronunciation of the words…. There is no letter E and our I’s are lonely without the O, unless it morphs into a U when the O is not needed in the word ….really we only use the vowels A, O and U.

….OK! I admit that when I’ve said some things, I’ve been given the “WT….?” Look. A classic example is when I’ve arranged to meet a date and I’ve said: “Us sucks, good for you?” (Translated as: “Is six, good for you?”) …. And at the restaurant, I’ve ordered: “Munner stroney, followed by Fitter Cheney with Oluves and Ever Cardeau.” (Translated as: “Minestrone and Fettuccine with Olives and avocado)

I don’t expect, and I’m not looking for the perfect linguist to have conversations with, yet, I’d like to be able to at least stand a decent chance of understanding what my date says! It’s cringe-worthy when I can’t tell if it’s a new dialect of British English and I’m too embarrassed to ask, AGAIN! Although, I’m growing quite fond of the east London accent that sounds like a love child of Alan Rickman and Michael Caine, lol!

[VintageFemme]

honesty
loyalty
strength [heart, soul & spirit]

you would think these are all a given in any relationship but they are in fact quite rare. even the smallest of white lies and betrayals are commonplace in most relationships and finding true strength of heart, is probably the hardest and yet most important trait in a relationship for me.

[foxyshaman]

First and foremost a sense of humor; cause I am kick ass funny and if you don't laugh I will be sad...
interest in tantra or sacred sex - wham bams - need not apply
deeply spiritual - I will accept yours if you accept mine

[Apocalipstic]

no birds as pets

no snakes in the house

must love cats and dogs and allow them to sleep in the bed

:glasses:

[OS Butch]

no birds as pets

no snakes in the house

must love cats and dogs and allow them to sleep in the bed

:glasses:

Dang! Another deal breaker! No birds or snakes, love dogs and cats. I have a Boxer, but he has his own bed. ;)

[Novelafemme]

1. respect and understanding for and of my daughters. they come first.

2. a healthy relationship with food. it's a big part of my life but not the center of it.

3. loves to laugh.....at me and with me. :) especially about farting, pooping, and everything bathroom oriented. :passinggas:

[Gráinne]

I’m adding….

Annunciation
Pronunciations
Sentence formation

This my seem like the pot calling the kettle black, considering my accent may be seen as a bastardisation of the English language in terms of pronunciation of the words…. There is no letter E and our I’s are lonely without the O, unless it morphs into a U when the O is not needed in the word ….really we only use the vowels A, O and U.

….OK! I admit that when I’ve said some things, I’ve been given the “WT….?” Look. A classic example is when I’ve arranged to meet a date and I’ve said: “Us sucks, good for you?” (Translated as: “Is six, good for you?”) …. And at the restaurant, I’ve ordered: “Munner stroney, followed by Fitter Cheney with Oluves and Ever Cardeau.” (Translated as: “Minestrone and Fettuccine with Olives and avocado)

I don’t expect, and I’m not looking for the perfect linguist to have conversations with, yet, I’d like to be able to at least stand a decent chance of understanding what my date says! It’s cringe-worthy when I can’t tell if it’s a new dialect of British English and I’m too embarrassed to ask, AGAIN! Although, I’m growing quite fond of the east London accent that sounds like a love child of Alan Rickman and Michael Caine, lol!




I take it no one who sounds like Eliza Doolittle need apply, either ;).

I finally learned not to try to guess where someone is from. Aussies/Kiwis don't appreciate my saying "Are you British"? Oops. I myself sound like Scarlett O'Hara from Milwaukee.

*ahem* As for me:

1. No undealt with addictions (and if recovering, it's more than one year)

2. No rage issues. No abuse or disrespect.

3. Responsible.

[Slowpurr]

I had some difficulty distinguishing between deal breakers and desires. Anyone reading this, I assume, is a member here and therefore knows how important both sexual preference and sexual orientation are so I eliminated them from my list.

I could not be with someone who is not;

Honest:not the brutal kind

Compassionate: not just to those with the acceptable diseases, behaviors or life problems, to everyone.

a Nonsmoker

This is the quintessential speed dating question.
I know someone who will be prepared because she reads the dynamic posts on the bfp.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I take it no one who sounds like Eliza Doolittle need apply, either ;).

I finally learned not to try to guess where someone is from. Aussies/Kiwis don't appreciate my saying "Are you British"? Oops. I myself sound like Scarlett O'Hara from Milwaukee.

*ahem* As for me:

1. No undealt with addictions (and if recovering, it's more than one year)

2. No rage issues. No abuse or disrespect.

3. Responsible.

Err….no! We don’t appreciate being called British (no offence to the British), although, I can’t think why we get mistaken for the British….we Kiwis sound like we have rocks rolling around in our mouths when we talk! :| LOL! When I was in the U.S I was often told that I sounded ‘lovely’…. I’m sure it was just politeness, lol! :)

I’ve been mistaken for South African a lot over here! :blink: ….I love the melodic French, Italian and Scandinavian cadences, also, the Louisiana and east coast accents. *Swoons*

ROFL! Eliza Doolittle comes under the east London accent as the love child of Alan Rickman and Michael Caine, lol! ….My attempts at doing a Cockney accent are somewhat left to be desired….my Kiwi accent creeps through and I sound like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins, only with a cold! LOL! :|

Scarlett O’Hara with a Milwaukee accent, eh? That sounds interesting! :)

[Jett]

[QUOTE=Gemme;490285]My friend, if there are many out there who think this way, I am doomed. It's the curse of the Gemini to feel everything a different way at different times. It's the built in flibbertygibbet in us.

:princess:[quote]


Lmao@ "flibbertygibbet"... (and I know what you mean- I think that's dif than what I was thinking so no worries lol ;) )

[spritzerJ]

So three non-negotiables in a relationship (of the this is serious type)...

1. Have a deep understanding of what it means to be a parent and a clearly choose to be in a relationship with someone that is a parent. This includes loving the kiddo, me, sharing a common perspective about how I parent, respecting how I parent. And pretty much be over your need to sleep in for a while.

2. Possess the capacity for forgiveness. For yourself, others, etc. I will endeavor to make it right, but I won't get it right the first time always. Forgiveness includes openness for me.

3. Passion... for your goals, for "us", what you want, what we are defining together, sex. Passion can ebb and flow but underlying there is a desire to be on life's journey.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

So three non-negotiables in a relationship (of the this is serious type)...

1. Have a deep understanding of what it means to be a parent and a clearly choose to be in a relationship with someone that is a parent. This includes loving the kiddo, me, sharing a common perspective about how I parent, respecting how I parent. And pretty much be over your need to sleep in for a while.

2. Possess the capacity for forgiveness. For yourself, others, etc. I will endeavor to make it right, but I won't get it right the first time always. Forgiveness includes openness for me.

3. Passion... for your goals, for "us", what you want, what we are defining together, sex. Passion can ebb and flow but underlying there is a desire to be on life's journey.

My Maori Grandmother always told me that forgiveness was one way to respect yourself and others for making mistakes in life and learning about yourselves and the world around us. Not forgiving was like saying you cannot make mistakes and must always attain to be perfect.

[Soft*Silver]

handsome ears

must have a bookcase filled with books

must enjoy indoor animals

[DapperButch]

Miss Tia you are up to 9!!! I am calling foul!

:readrules: :police: :tease:

[Sassy]

I have one non-negotiable.... Spirituality. You must be open-minded, open-hearted and interested in alternative faiths and spiritual practices at least to the point of being willing to discuss/debate philosophical differences and participate in rituals, etc. on special occasions. :praying:

And then one solid, undeniable truth... I'm a Sagittarius. The wild wanderings -- verbal, mental, emotional, physical, sensual and metaphysical -- of a Jupiter's child can be tiring. If you have days where you don't have the energy to get off the couch, then you do not have the energy for me. ;)

After entirely too much thought on this subject lately, I have to amend/add something:
Health conscious.
Willing to prepare, or at least eat, healthy food. Not bring junk food in the home. Take walks, ride bikes, visit the gym, etc. ... good for me in more than just the dinner-and-a-movie kind of way.

[JAGG]

handsome ears

must have a bookcase filled with books

must enjoy indoor animals

handsome ears. hahahah Okay.

[PumaJ]

1) No drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes/pipes/cigars.
2) Must like cats.
3) Be able to own one's own emotional stuff & be honest.
4) Be a capable, caring top when it comes to sex.

Sorry that's four. Oh well ;)

[Hack]

Fascinating what people focus on in this thread. Further proof we all make our own happiness.

1. Let's start with what I am not -- your rebound guy, your consolation prize, your soft place to land after you've been dumped or your revenge romp.

2. I am a nice guy who is going to be nice to you, your mom, your grandmother, your friends, your siblings, etc. If the fact that I am going to treat you right is an issue, then I am not your guy.

3. Own your stuff. Personal responsibility and accountability are both huge to me because of what I have been through the past almost 26 years. Be an adult, please.

[SuddenlyWestFemme]

1) Edgy but KIND. There was a time when I really wanted/needed edgy with a bit of kind, but time and experience has switched that. I want and need kind first with a bit of Edgy!

2) Interested in family (as I'm a package deal).

3) GREAT kisser! This is not-negotiable.

[Mtn]

Integrity
Kindness
Compassion

[1QuirkyKiwi]

After entirely too much thought on this subject lately, I have to amend/add something:
Health conscious.
Willing to prepare, or at least eat, healthy food. Not bring junk food in the home. Take walks, ride bikes, visit the gym, etc. ... good for me in more than just the dinner-and-a-movie kind of way.

I get a few potential dates that don’t eat healthily and are put off by the fact that I do and that I’m vegan and have been for nearly 30 years. I’m not a lover of cakes, biscuits and many other types of junk food….never have been.

I ask before the first date if she/hy has a problem with me being vegan and would they eat vegan foods at home, should the relationship become serious….most have said they would. :)

I’m often complimented on my nicely toned body and how I don’t move like a BBW. I’m also complimented on my fitness and high energy levels….I’ve said before in threads that I’ve always enjoyed being active; doing Yoga, T’ai Chi, Swimming, walking, etc. I’ve never let my Spina Bifida or my Plus size body be an issue….I can’t do anything about my genetics when it comes to my body size, but, I can maintain a good fitness level. :)

My Ex. gave me the nickname ‘Xenia Onatopp’ because she liked the way I held her gently with my thighs when we, well….you know! :o

[Gemme]

1) Edgy but KIND. There was a time when I really wanted/needed edgy with a bit of kind, but time and experience has switched that. I want and need kind first with a bit of Edgy!

2) Interested in family (as I'm a package deal).

3) GREAT kisser! This is not-negotiable.

Absolutely. If I don't enjoy their kiss, nothing else will follow. Of course, I don't have to be in a relationship with someone to kiss them.

[LaneyDoll]

I am not going to list the things I feel that do not need to list. If you lack honesty, integrity, stability, a job (or substitute like pursuit of an education/retirement etc) then you may as well move on. And do not think that I will not catch you in a lie-I have an almost photographic memory.

My dealbreakers are:

* what you lack-hygiene, manners, sex drive, confidence, a positive outlook
* what you are addicted to-smoking, alcohol, gambling
* what you are not-interesting, kind, thoughtful, accepting of my kids

:sparklyheart:

[deb_U_taunt]

I keep busy – must be able to match my energy level or accept it. I haven’t made this a priority in the past and it’s been an issue. I don’t expect you to keep up, but don’t expect me to slow down.

I am gentle and I like peace (does not mean passive) – if you need/like to argue or on a constant vent about injustices at work, home, life. I am not the woman for you.

She must be able to live with and accept change. Let's keep out of the rut.

[JAGG]

No druggies drunks or smokers or addicts past or present.
Strong convictions/good self-esteem and self-worth.
Must be affectionate with a sweet kind compassionate heart.

[starryeyes]

1. Treat me like the special woman that I am.
2. Must kiss me good morning and good night every day! No excuses!
3. Let go, laugh and be silly.

:-D

[Library_girl]

I would like to echo Starryeyes, my homegirl. :)

In addition, my top 3 non-negotiables are:
1. Must have employment (or retirement or trust fund or whatever)
2. Must be an excellent kisser
3. Must be affectionate and sweet, publicly and privately
4. Must be respectful and supportive of my life, career, and pursuits
5. Must love dogs, cats, basically all critters
6. Must tolerate my astonishingly poor mathematical skills (like listing 6 things for a Top 3!)

[EmpressM]

1. Must be a stable adult. To me, this means you make responsible decisions, financially, emotionally, etc. You are emotionally available, have learned from your past mistakes without allowing them to impede your present. Know who you are and what you want.

2. Active, playful, silly, funny, a dreamer and enjoy spending time with me. I'm really not one to sit around. I'll try anything at least once and like most things. I like being out in the world and appreciate and relish my time in it! :) I'm also one to take a calculated risks and work hard for them, to give and receive what I want out of life and to reach my goals.

3. Passionate about the things that matter to you and the relationship. I need to be kissed, hugged, cuddled, and ravished on a regular basis. Generally speaking, when someone consistently endures things they aren't passionate about, it wears on other aspects of their lives, most often their personal relationships.

[Honey]

1. Conviction of mind & spirit
2. Great sex drive
3. Madly, truly, deeply, endlessly, in love with me

[Venus007]

1. Kind heart
2. Rational mind
3. Sensual soulfulness
4. Bonus add on... Likes and respects solitude

[jac]

Must leave pets outside of the bedroom. I love my sleep and play time waaaaaay too much to have an audience or extra critter-like participant hanging around.

Must have an equal-to level of a sex drive. Companionship is great but I definitely need more than that. I need physical satisfaction.

Must be willing to entertain self and enjoy alone time. As a Pisces, I most certainly do... and I don't want to be made to feel guilty or inconsiderate for having my own personal alone time moments.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Must have an equal-to level of a sex drive. Companionship is great but I definitely need more than that. I need physical satisfaction.

Must be willing to entertain self and enjoy alone time. As a Pisces, I most certainly do... and I don't want to be made to feel guilty or inconsiderate for having my own personal alone time moments.

Alone time doesn't mean I don't love my partner or want to be with them....it means I need time to process my own thoughts and feelings and do my own things. Sadly, that is not always understood and I hate feeling as if I'm being suffocated by my partner.

We each had lives before we met and we should be able to blend both our lives as seperate people and a couple together....easier said than done, though!

[JAGG]

Great sense of adventure
Great sense of humor
Good communication

[Gemme]

Alone time doesn't mean I don't love my partner or want to be with them....it means I need time to process my own thoughts and feelings and do my own things. Sadly, that is not always understood and I hate feeling as if I'm being suffocated by my partner.

We each had lives before we met and we should be able to blend both our lives as seperate people and a couple together....easier said than done, though!

I'm the same way. I need my personal time and my personal space.

The more they are gone, the better I like them when they come back.

:cheesy:

[Random]

I'm the same way. I need my personal time and my personal space.

The more they are gone, the better I like them when they come back.

:cheesy:


I have a sticker on my old lap top... A lil goth angle girl who is saying... *How can I miss you, if you don't go away*

I like missing people...

[ruffryder]

Hygiene for one. Yeah the girl has to Smell good, everywhere.
Respect for self and others.
Non drama.
Not always drunk. Occasional social drinker is ok.
Have a personality to match the beauty.
I got your back so I expect the same.
I better be the #1 guy in your life besides our children.

[Ciaran]

Three of my non-negotiables:


Respect for my private space and alone time. Even if I'm madly in love with you, I often need downtime alone. This includes a recognition and desire that we should not do everything together in our spare time i.e. having some separate interests and separate friends should be encouraged.

Awareness that my politics are likely to be very different from yours. I don't ask you to like or agree with my politics but I ask that you tolerate my views and, assuming we do disagree politically, keep political conversations to a minimum.


Please don't get jealous of my love of Kermit but there needs to be room for three in our relationship. Be comforted that my love for Kermit is platonic and non-threatening to our relationship (for the time being at least).

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Please don't get jealous of my love of Kermit but there needs to be room for three in our relationship. Be comforted that my love for Kermit is platonic and non-threatening to our relationship (for the time being at least).



Hands off he's mine.... I'm older than you and saw him first! LOL! ;)

I had a large Kermit that sat on my bed with his legs dangling over the side.

[Ciaran]

Hands off he's mine.... I'm older than you and saw him first! LOL! ;)

I had a large Kermit that sat on my bed with his legs dangling over the side.

I'm not possessive - we can share him ;)

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I'm not possessive - we can share him ;)

It's a deal! Which half do you want? ;)

[Ciaran]

It's a deal! Which half do you want? ;)

I'll take the top half. You're welcome to the dangling legs.

[ButchKnight]

ok here it goes

smoking cigs
excessive drug alcohol use
being a republican

there are more but theses are biggies

BK

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I'll take the top half. You're welcome to the dangling legs.

Errr....hang on! Just because I'm part French doesn't mean I like frog legs, ya know! LOL! I was thinking more on the lines of splittin' 'im straight down the middle....equal halves an' awl tha'! LOL!

[adorable]

There are more non-negotiables in a relationship, but these are my top three:

Know the rules of engagement. Nothing else is attractive. My home is a sanctuary, a safe base. I have never had a relationship (after age 17) where there was fighting, intense disagreements, screaming, or even slamming of doors. (I did have a significant relationship, where, when she became very sick five years in, it resulted in some Jerry Springer like stuff – it was understandably different and not the norm for us.)

Know thyself. It’s hard to convey the importance of this or how seriously I take it. I have no desire to be your therapist, mother or boss. I don’t want to figure you out or sort through your problems. I want to be me and for you to be you. Yes, we all have issues sometimes. At this point in our lives though, we should have a good handle on our inner core – the shaky ground should be long behind us. I am a rock that can manage almost any situation. I want a fellow rock, not the person that depends on one.

Be passionate. About something. Anything. The things you can’t wait to do in your free time. Those things that you never get tired of reading about, thinking about, participating in, or fighting for. There is nothing more exciting or engaging than talking to someone that is passionate about something. I’ve had some of the most fascinating conversations with someone who writes mathematical theory that only he and four other people in the world understand. (I'm still not one of those four.) It’s mind boggling to me, but his intensity is awe inspiring. I am passionate about several things. To me those are the most authentic of human interactions. I treasure sharing them.

[SweetJane]

Non-negotiables?

Excessive alcohol

Lying

Cheating


(Already dealt with all three. Don't want to go back there.)

[genghisfawn]

Dishonesty

Dishonour

Disrespect

[Talon]

Intellect....Integrity....Powerfulness.

[thedivahrrrself]

3 must-haves:

Intellect/Wit/Humour - they all go together. Conversation is the root of any good relationship, and without these things, our conversations would be dull.

:glasses:

Passion - I would prefer you to be passionate about me, of course, but you should be passionate about something else, or several somethings. I often refer to this as geekiness. You should know more than I do about something, be willing to educate me on the subject, and be willing to listen to the things I am passionate about, which you may be surprised to learn, is more than just shoes. :) But you're probably going to have to listen to me chatter about shoes too.

:blueheels:

Physical affection - some people are just not huggers, or touchers. They should find people like themselves to couple up with. I need to be touched, hugged, kissed, etc (etc etc etc) as often as possible.

:hk19:





3 must-nots:

lying jerks - I could probably forgive a cheater if they were at least HONEST about it. It's the lying that kills me.

:getout:

lazy fucks - I'm too hyper for you. I am not one just to sit around all day.

:smokejoint:

mean/rude bastards - If you're can't be nice to your waitress, the homeless guy you see, or the people who work for you, odds are you won't be nice to me for very long. My theory is, you can treat anyone the way you treat anyone else. I'm not special. You can't say, "Oh, I'm a jerk to this guy, but I'd never treat you that way." Yes, you would. I just haven't pissed you off yet.

:annoyed:

[Beloved]

Let's see...

Mine are...

Must be intelligent
Drug or alcohol addiction (in the past is ok, just not current)
Dislike of children because I have one
Dislike of animals
Unemployed, you must have job or actively seeking one. I am not your sugar momma.
Smoking if they are not trying to stop
Conservatives (sorry but we would fight all the time)
Hygiene and clean teeth (I'm a dental hygienist)
Must treat people with respect
People who need anger management
Lying
Cheaters
Responsible
I require attention. Must be attentive.
Must be emotionally available

I may have more. I need to think about it.

[Amber2010]

!) Respect: Honesty is something everyone wants but if you respect the person than you are honest anyways on the things that matter in that relationship. You shouldn’t have to tell the person your life story the honesty I am talking about is in the respect of the person and your relationship. So I would have to say being respectful of the others wants, needs, and desires and wanting to give them what makes them the special person you believe they are.
2) Non Judgmental: Since we have the respect of the person in all things that pertain to our relationship by not judging the person from their past or what they are looking for. Sometimes in a relationship someone will tell you they want “such and such” and you feel that is not what you ever even thought about. By not judging and wanting to give that person their fantasy in the relationship not only is this a great relationship but a loving one as well.
3) No trashing when the end comes: Everything that goes up must come down. We all want to say our relationship with “such and such” will last forever but things happen. People grow apart; want different things or whatever the reason it becomes time to move on. On a good or bad note or however it ends we must realize there was and always will be that special place for that person inside of us. Some of us may not want to believe that or even understand it but we changed in some way because of that other person. By trashing that person’s name or whatever way anger brings you there you are not only hurting that other person but yourself even more. That old saying “If you don’t have something nice to say doesn’t say anything at all!” Is so true.
These are just mine. You don’t have to agree with me. Thanks for listening.

[bcelly1894]

:readfineprint:
I consider myself a strong woman but I cant handle some things.
So, Not One Word of What My Choices Listed Below, Is meant to attack, offend or judge anyone.:readrules:

I will break up with a woman in a heartbeat:getout:, If she has lied to me about any of my dealbreakers. No matter how much I have fallen in love with her, Because clearly I had fallen in love with just the character that she was portraying:jester:, And not her true real self.
(by the way where is the funny icon of the butch kicking the femme out the door, lol).

The Femme Has to be Born Female, Be 100% Lesbian, Not BiSexual or Curious. Be Open And Out to most even Her own Family:hiding:. Without A lot of Unhealthy family issues :slapfight::mob::argue::yesno: or Mommy-Daddy Issues.


The Femme that Im with has to be Completely Single. Be Legally Divorced If ever married. Not just Separated.
I would love to be with a Femme who has a Humanitarian Type Heart. Who wont mind helping those in need, like donating toys to kids who dont have them.

I would love to be with a Femme Who Has A Faith Based Belief System:sermon::rabbi:.

I would love to be with a Femme that is Accepting of A Pet-Free Relationship and Home life with me. I have many Pet Allergies.
I would love to be with a Femme who is Family Oriented, Wanting to get married, Having kids or more kids. Who loves monogamy.:hk19:
I would love to be with a Femme Who has Mental Stability and/or Good Sexual and Physical Health.
-Its fine with me if she has to take medications or goes to a mental health therapist. What Im talking about is having a History (past or present) of the following:
Talking to herself, Seeing and Hearing things that arent there, Excessive Rage, Cutting or Hurting herself, Eating Disorders, Or a History of Being In and Out(repeatedly) of the Psych Hospitals Or Drug and Substance Abuse Treatment Centers.
-I personally cant handle if my Femme has or has ever had A Drug And Or Alcohol Abuse Problem. I think Alcohol in moderation. And I am Pro-Weed,:peacelove: Its just not for me.
-I like femmes who actually have regular pap tests and breast exams. And who gets checked for stds, hiv, and hepatitus before entering into a new sexual relationship:stiletto: :bedfuck: with me.
-Keeping good Dental Hygiene and that means going to the dentist 1-3 times a year for teeth cleaning:cheesy:.
-Having a Family doctor(s) that she sees in case she gets sick.:cough: That she's taking care of her health even if she has to take medication regularly.

I would love to be with a Femme who hasnt had Troubles With The Law:police:
-Having a History(past or present)of being Arrested, Ever in Jail, Have/Had Warrants, Tickets for D.U.I or wreckless driving, License ever Suspended.-Or Trouble with Child Protective Services.-She Must have Valid Identification Driver's License or some type of Non Driver's I.D.

[Scuba]

1. Dishonesty
2. Dishonesty
3. Dishonesty

Most of everything I have dealt with all comes down to dishonesty...

[Kätzchen]

The Culture of Perfection
The way I see it, we're already perfect just like we are. It's our job to make sure we have fun being our totally imperfect human selves and enjoy the mistakes we make or the mess that might have gotten just a little bit too big for us to handle. Because that's what being together should be like, right??? Building a mysteriously lovely, sexy, sweaty, gigantic orbit of love we can share together, happily. Now that's the 'culture of perfection' I'm talking about. Zero expectations of perfection; 100% expectation that we be ourselves, no matter what!

*** This is the only deal breaker I abide by. Everything else is negotiable. :)

[*Anya*]

My nonnegotiables:

1. Honesty always.

2. If commitments made: fidelity and monogamy.

3. Willing to do whatever it takes to solve communication problems in the relationship because issues and differences arise in all relationships. This is an important value of mine.

This does not include abusive behavior or lying. Those behaviors are unsalvageable to me.

[CA_BabyCakes]

Three of my non-negotiables:


Respect for my private space and alone time. Even if I'm madly in love with you, I often need downtime alone. This includes a recognition and desire that we should not do everything together in our spare time i.e. having some separate interests and separate friends should be encouraged.

Awareness that my politics are likely to be very different from yours. I don't ask you to like or agree with my politics but I ask that you tolerate my views and, assuming we do disagree politically, keep political conversations to a minimum.


Please don't get jealous of my love of Kermit but there needs to be room for three in our relationship. Be comforted that my love for Kermit is platonic and non-threatening to our relationship (for the time being at least).


Ciaran i have already told you that Kermit is MINE and i do not share. Im a stingy girl. Thank you for your understanding.

[DamonK]

Dealbreakers....

I am poly. MBE and I tried monogamy, but I didn't do well with it. My reasons are simple. I'm very sexual. I have to be able to appreciate someone other than my partner without feeling guilty. For example, "Oh that guy's hot baby. What do you think?". Being poly alleviates that. It doesn't mean you don't make me happy.

I've learned some lessons the hard way. Therefore, violating my privacy is a big one. Just because you and your best friend talk about everything does not mean talking about me is. Obviously, hypothetically we have a fight. I don't care if you vent. I mean in context of my past, my family, my personal issues. I also understand this can be blurry, so I try to talk about it first.

You don't have to like my family or friends. You will be civil.


Those are the big 3. The others:

You don't lie to me.
You don't disrespect yourself, me or others.
You don't use me.
You don't throw my past in my face. This one is highly important. If you know anything of my past, you know why.
You must be willing to compromise in general.
If you're hearing, you must compromise with my deafness. I will work to meet you, but you need to work to meet me.

[CA_BabyCakes]

1. Sense of humor, I love someone who can make me laugh, and in return someone who can laugh at all my silly jokes and comments and not get offended.

2. Integrity!! I have tons of it you must be able to match mine. :)

3. Loyalty and fidelity, I am a one guy one girl kinda girl, as i have previously stated, I dont share well.

Is there such a person who exists?

[yotlyolqualli]

Honesty, complete and total open honesty

Once committment is agree'd too, monogamy and faithfulness. Added to that, my last LTR was a "I'm not ready to commit yet, but soon!(her)" relationship. It lasted 5 years. I'll never go that route again. Sex falls under this for me. Sex is not going to happen until a mutual love has been established, acknowledged, accepted and embraced. I am not promiscuous, by any stretch of the imagination and I don't want to be with someone who is (WAS is ok).

Willingness to work. Once the relationship has been established, especially after committment has been made... I want someone who isn't going to run at the first rough spot. I want someone who is just as committed to working on our relationship in the times where we want to climb the walls and the emotions get ugly, as much as the times where it's easy and beautiful. We are too willing to throw things away as soon as we perceive them to be broken or we think someone elses grass is greener. I want someone who wants to work with me to pick up the pieces, mend the fences and keep our own grass greener.

I do have one more non negotiable and this is core.
Faith. I believe in God. I serve God. If I have any children (yours, mine or ours) I will raise them to believe in and serve God as well. The woman I am meant to be with, will believe in God too. She doesn't have to be Mennonite, she doesn't even have to be a professing "Christian" but belief in God is non negotiable.

[alexri]

I'm pretty blunt about what my "dealbreakers" are to save a lot of time and heartache for people. These are the things I won't bend on.
I'm totally stretching the "three" on this...

This is not me judging anyone else's lives, interests, opinions, etc. This is just where I stand on certain things.

1) No illegal drugs (and this includes pot), no cigarette smoking. If someone is a social drinker, social drinking is okay. I prefer to be with someone whose ideas of a fun time do not revolve around alcohol.

2) Morals and values... some basics...
No cheating. You cheat, you're done.
Don't lie to me (excluding the situations like lying about something if you're arranging a surprise). If you have to lie to me, something is wrong with our relationship and we need to talk. Tell me the truth even if it hurts both of us.
If you need with something personal or emotional, please ask. I'd be more hurt by how bad things would get if you didn't stop and ask for help. If something is wrong I need to know so we can work on it if possible, get help, etc. People are human, we are not perfect, and we make mistakes. There are some mistakes I can't forgive, but that's very few and they're very serious. I love the quote "if you're in a hole, stop digging." I can't help you get out of the hole if you don't tell me.
Never fake an orgasm. Ever.
I am a very loyal guy, but once you've lost my trust, it's very hard to get it back.

3) I personally don't want to have kids. I don't hate kids (many assume this when I say I am childfree). I don't want to raise children or be a parent. I know I would not make a good parent. I don't have the interest, patience, etc. So I am clear and up front that if someone is looking to start a family, I'm not the guy.

[chefhmboyrd]

1: pet the puppy nice

2: keep the puppy clean

3: give the puppy lots of love

[bcelly1894]

1. Sense of humor, I love someone who can make me laugh, and in return someone who can laugh at all my silly jokes and comments and not get offended.

2. Integrity!! I have tons of it you must be able to match mine. :)

3. Loyalty and fidelity, I am a one guy one girl kinda girl, as i have previously stated, I dont share well.

Is there such a person who exists?
I would like to hear one of your silly jokes.
:tea:

[StrongButch]

Well its more than 3 and you can watch this on youtube Native American code of ethics I live by this and prefer my partner to as well or at least understand it even if you are not native

[pinkgeek]

I don't tolerate fools, crazy ex's, drama llama behavior, rampant stupidity, bad table manners or an inability to appreciate fine cuisine, art or theatre.. A lack of communication skills will show itself quick enough as will any of the above.. I keep my standards high and it has served me well.. Your mileage will probably vary.. :)

[chefhmboyrd]

1: pet the puppy nice

2: keep the puppy clean

3: give the puppy lots of love

and uh....

4: take the puppy to the beach

[bcelly1894]

I was glad to read over all of the posts and see the variety of responces. That no one was put down or avoided on this site because of something that they felt comfortable sharing. I just like the fact that I can be Unapologetic about what I like and dont like for my life, And feel secure in expressing that here on this site. I have no problem stating that Im a lesbian that never want any pets in my life. And that this is a non-negotiable in a relationship for me. Alot because I have allergies, and the other reason is that I just dont like certain pets, Or Im afraid of certain pets, like spiders and snakes-EEEEK! thats when you will see me running away like a little girl.

[bigbutchmistie]

Someone I can connect emotionally with (share deepest darkest secrets, talk to about anything, laugh, etc)

Someone who has morals and values. (like, honesty, integrity, loyalty, knows how to communicate)

Someone that I can connect with physically (someone who like me is extremely affectionate, and passionate.....)

[bcelly1894]

Because little boys never run away from anything? We don't care for sexist euphamisms here. Everybody gets scared sometimes. I am afraid of snakes and right now I'm in Copper Head Country. I am sure there is one behind me now. But there probably isn't.

Glad to see you posting and reading, just be careful that your verbiage is respectful of women, and everyone else :)
With all due respect June, I have only been a member on this website for 5 days. Some of your words to me seem down right Bullyish. I thought that this was an open forum where we can feel safe around what we say. I love women and I also respect women. I think that you could have sent me a private message about the sexist euphamisms, So, that I can turn around and act accordingly. I have said nothing in this whole forum, to show any disrespect or attack or harm to anyone. I have no ill will or Trolling intentions for any part of this site as you may think is a potential on my part without just cause. This site is beautiful and very informative to me. I may not be as progressed as you are but there is no need for your so called "kind correction" to me in the open. I refuse to be a part of a network that is suppose to be a loving and progressive environment. And yet feel attacked and singled out by your Bullying.

[Greyson]

narcism
arrogance
Too cutsey



Things I find incompatible for a romantic relationship.

[Nomad]

the buzz kills:

- double standards

- using affection as a weapon (removing it when angry, dangling it like a carrot in order to encourage a particular behavior, using it as a reward)

- insults/name calling when angry


(and yes, you could call me out if i do this stuff. i'm human, not perfect.)


the must haves:

- be over your your mistakes and your losses. i'm a right here-right now kind of girl

- cut the apron strings. love the family. visit the family. involve the family in some of our comings and goings. but unless you're related to someone who can order the removal of my pinkie for missing a family reunion i'd prefer that you didnt spend valuable relationship time worshipping your family.

- talk. talktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalktalkta lktalktalktalktalktalktalk


the addenda:

- handle your health. i like you. i want to drive you batsh*t crazy for a long time.

- dont treat me like i'm fragile. i'm a tough little bitch. i might cry. i might struggle with the reality of my mistakes or the enormity of the clusterf*ck i created because of those mistakes but i want full metal jacket honesty. i can handle your anger, i just need time to breathe sometimes. i'll sit still and listen while you get things off your chest, i just need a minimum of yelling and "tone". but if you think i cant handle your truth i promise you that you're kidding yourself. f*ck that. i'm still standing arent i? that's right. you can suck my dick if you think i'm fragile.

- i'm a femme and i'm a girl and i'm queer. deal. i'm not a lesbian and i'm not gay, i'm not bisexual and i'm not straight. i have no issue with the ways that other people identify or the words other people use to define themselves. i dont care if someone wants to call themselves a skittles eating squid, these are my words. dont ask me to pretend i'm someone i'm not. if you're not out of the closet i will make room for that because i dont live your life and i dont feel the need to tell you how to take up space or how to structure your world. but i am queer and i will say so when people ask.

- indulgence and patience. you'll need both. i'm a handful.

[Vivacious1]

Respect
Honesty
Faithfullness

[Jesse]

Here's three to get started...

1. Honor yourself and our relationship.

2. Have things that you have powerful belief in...starting with yourself.

3. Do not abuse yourself, me, or my dog.

[bcelly1894]

bcelly --

What you said WAS sexist. Alluding that girls are weak and run away. On this forum, we call isms out in public so we can discuss them, and ALSO because if someone says something like that, and no one responds to them, they might think it's okay. The next thing you know, we have a forum that's rife with blatant isms. So, you can expect that in the future should you choose to use sexist language like that, you will be called on it publicly.

Your poor choice of the words "Bully" and "Bullied" because I deigned, as a Lesbian Femme to take exception to your sexist language and responded to you as a member of this forum, and not a moderator, letting you know how we do things here, and do not do them, was clearly designed to try to shame and silence me, did not work. Let's do that better too, shall we?

With regards to the private exchange we had yesterday, where I let you know that the Admin team wanted you to slow down, read and get to know us before starting a bunch of threads clearly irritated you and has carried over to the post below. You are at this point, very close to a timeout per Jackhammer.

June (Moderator)
June, wow how much of a Bully you really are. My comments were directly totally and completely at you and no one else who owns or runs this website. I was approached by an administrator before you, With no problems what so ever. Then as you see, approached by you, with no problems what so ever, Until your comments became those of a bully. So, dont come on this forum trying to include any one else who runs this site or owns it, in your Bully behaviour. And maybe you should check the record, You can not be discredited by me or anyone else on this website unless it is by the owner or another administrator, not by me. So, get off of your high horse. I dont just want a time out, what are we five? I want to get banned from this website only because of your Bully behaviour June. I do not plan on signing back into this website so if this is the only way to do it, then that is fantastic.

[Gentle Tiger]

June, wow how much of a Bully you really are. My comments were directly totally and completely at you and no one else who owns or runs this website. I was approached by an administrator before you, With no problems what so ever. Then as you see, approached by you, with no problems what so ever, Until your comments became those of a bully. So, dont come on this forum trying to include any one else who runs this site or owns it, in your Bully behaviour. And maybe you should check the record, You can not be discredited by me or anyone else on this website unless it is by the owner or another administrator, not by me. So, get off of your high horse. I dont just want a time out, what are we five? I want to get banned from this website only because of your Bully behaviour June. I do not plan on signing back into this website so if this is the only way to do it, then that is fantastic.

bcelly1894, I am not sure what is going on with you right now. But you have clearly shown that you do not wish to be a member of this community. So your wish will be granted. You have been rude and disrespectful since your arrival. You have been spoken to privately. And yet you feel the need to show your hind parts publicly. Therefore you will be banned from the site.

I am asking that no one respond to any of bcelly's posts. Let's not continue to keep this type of behavior in the spotlight.

Thank you,

Malcolm (Moderator)

[Gentle Tiger]

To help get the thread back on track...

My three are:

1. Smart - They cannot be allergic to independent thought.
2. Strong/Independent - They cannot be a mouse with this Tiger. Be able to do your own thing. I don't do well being smothered.
3. Sexy - this will be true in my eyes if they are 1 &2. Smart, strong and independent is mega sexy to me!

[lusciouskiwi]

I used to say that the three "C's" were important to me (in no particular order):

culinary stimulation
cerebral stimulation
clitoral stimulation

These days I would say:

1. You enjoy using your intellect - I'm not such a snob that I would only be with someone who has a university education but I will be bored to tears if you're not interested in talking/reading about anything. So I should add to #1, enjoy talking about everything and anything.

2. Enjoy food - different food, experimenting at home, trying new restaurants. 5 star is lovely but not something I can usually afford. Street food is good. TGIF and Outback Steakhouse, etc are fun every so often but I'm just as happy to go down to the local Vietnamese restaurant or fish and chips on the beach.

3. Sex. I'm never going to be in a relationship again where my partner isn't sexual with me. Of course we go through periods - so damn tired and stressed from work, sick, etc where sexual drive takes a bit of a hammering, but still, if you aren't prepared to be sexual with me AND not prepared to work out why, then I hope I have the balls to end the relationship.

4. Why stop at 3? You need to be interested in me. I don't mean hanging on to every word I say or being joined at my hip. Like others have said, we each had our own lives previously right? And if we didn't perhaps we shouldn't start this journey. If you can't describe who I am then it means you don't really know me or understand me, so why would you be with me?

And as staunch as I may sound,

5. Be gentle with me. And patient. :) Oh yeah, also gentle and patient with Madam Butterfly.

For the hell of it, I'm going to add #6

6. We are each other's Number #1 Fan Club.

[Corkey]

Integrity
Intelligence
Self confidence.

Luckily my wife is all of these and more.

[Darbonaire]

Hmmmm...

Honesty.

Intelligence

A sense of humor


there are more but that's a start

[Kent]

Lying
Cheating
Doping

[Girl_On_Fire]

Must have a valid driver's license. (You'd be amazed)
Must be a Top of some sort. (No babybois anymore. You're cute. It's just not going to work)
Must be calmer than me. (This isn't hard to do)

[easygoingfemme]

Three? Jeeze.
Um okay

No smoking, drugs, or drinking to excess (yes, I'm counting that as one thank you very much)
Open honest communication, no matter how hard.
Understand that I am a mother and while my child does take up a big place in my heart it doesn't mean you can't take up a big place too.

[Talon]

[QUOTE=easygoingfemme;678607]Three? Jeeze.
Um okay

No smoking, drugs, or drinking to excess (yes, I'm counting that as one thank you very much)
Open honest communication, no matter how hard.
Understand that I am a mother and while my child does take up a big place in my heart it doesn't mean you can't take up a big place too.[/Q OTE]

`~Talon's response :

*1* ---Do not snore
*2*---Do NOT fart in my bed
*3*---Do not fart in my presence
*4*---Plese work out regularly.
*5*---Eat and dine resonsibility. Out or in.
*6*---Love animals, nature, the endless sea....and watching sunsets.
*7*---Be a loyal and genuine friend
*8*---Treat others as you would hope to be treated.
*9 * Take good care of yourself (phsyically, spiritually, open-mindedness, Romantic.

PS. : Ambitious....know the right from the wrong. (C'mon...You know the differece

I want to be the priority in your life, and you will be mine, of course


`~ Love me as you would want to truely loved...THIS IS NOT NEGOTIABLE.


...And believe me..... I will kow you and be able to read what type of person you *really# are underneath it all.

[Duchess]

~Sense of humor
~basically tidy
~No druggies


Duchess

[LadyRieinAL]

Non-negotiables
Having an affair - don't do it
Abusing Alcohol and drugs - don't do it
Being disrespectful - don't do it

[MissItalianDiva]

I have too many perhaps but here are three...

1. Territorial behavior...you are not a dog and I am definitely not a fire hydrant

2. Yelling....if someone can't speak to me in a calm adult like manner without accusations or self destructive behavior then I have no place for them in my life

3. Dishonesty in any form

[Scuba]

1. Territorial behavior...you are not a dog and I am definitely not a fire hydrant


AMEN to this! :)

[JAGG]

Must like physical activity IE. running biking hiking camping swimming kayaking golf tennis etc...

Must keep a clean house, can't stand a slob or clutter.

Must be affectionate and high sex drive.

I need to add one more

A partner in projects. I have lived alone all my life and I really want someone who understands teamwork. And wants to do their part in home projects.

[easygoingfemme]

I have too many perhaps but here are three...

1. Territorial behavior...you are not a dog and I am definitely not a fire hydrant

2. Yelling....if someone can't speak to me in a calm adult like manner without accusations or self destructive behavior then I have no place for them in my life

3. Dishonesty in any form

These three for me too please and thank you- in addition to my above noted three. I know, it makes six but... it's just talk right?

Oh, and Jealousy. Maybe that goes with the territorial disclaimer but no jealous natured people need apply.

[Darbonaire]

Don't ask or expect me to change to please you. Same goes for you....don't change to please me. If you aren't honest from day 1 about who you are & what you find important, then how will we know if we're compatible?

Football....if you are SO into football that it's all that matters for the 13 weeks of college games....we aren't a match....at all! <I really mean this....lol>....it's great if you love it & I support that....the "different drum thing" but, it isn't for me at all.

Stone.....I'm not being disrespectful...it's just that it's not what I want or need in a partner. <hoping I don't get flamed for this>....

[imperfect_cupcake]

1.) Wet. dear god. have a spine and and don't be afraid of confrontation
2.) I really would rather deal with many troublesome attributes and "difficult" people than someone who is so calm I find them to have no spark. I know many girls like the quiet strong types who are on an even keel. I'm glad there are people who like them. But it's not me. Laugh loud, live with bright colours and I'll put up with you being a pain in the ass.
3.) humour - as in sarcasm, irony, crusty and gritty warmth.

[Darbonaire]

1.) Wet. dear god. have a spine and and don't be afraid of confrontation
2.) I really would rather deal with many troublesome attributes and "difficult" people than someone who is so calm I find them to have no spark. I know many girls like the quiet strong types who are on an even keel. I'm glad there are people who like them. But it's not me. Laugh loud, live with bright colours and I'll put up with you being a pain in the ass.
3.) humour - as in sarcasm, irony, crusty and gritty warmth.



SO many people would rather have the easy, calm, nothing ruffles them types....LOL..I am SO not that...ask my ex...it drove her nuts !....Great list Honey!

[girl_dee]

Being a responsible adult, not rich but has their life in order. They vote, pay taxes, have insurance... you know, adult stuff. i need to respect you and i cannot do that if you have an excuse for why you cannot be a functioning adult.

Must not have an addiction. Everyone has a cross to bear, i just can't be that caring, supportive partner who understands but wants things to be better, only to have it backfire on me.

Must be Dominant, take charge kinda person 24/7 and not just when it's convenient. i need that stability. Someone who commands respect, not demands it.

Must love dogs, can't leave that out.

[pajama]

Responsibility - both personal and financial.

No children in the home. Sorry just not my thing and I know it. So why pretend otherwise.

Love and be adventurous about food.

These are only the first three that come to mind. I have many more, probably why I'm happy being single. LOL

[juliebrave]

no yelling
no pushing me into doing something I have made clear to you I won't do
no hate

[macele]

1. i need my space, my things. i don't mind sharing, but if you can't use it and put it back where you got it from and my thing be in the same condition as it left, ... don't touch it to begin with.

2. i need a muse. i need that special person to be creative. we give and take, ... inspiration. i really need this.

3. selfish. self-centered. it's not always about "you".

[Angeltoes]

Rather than thinking about what I won't tolerate I prefer to think about what I require in a partner. I don't want to enter into a relationship with rules in my head. I think relationships depend on flexibility and compromise. I just want someone who makes me happy.

Intelligence
Makes me laugh
Is tolerant/forgiving/understanding... because I am.

[imperfect_cupcake]

SO many people would rather have the easy, calm, nothing ruffles them types....LOL..I am SO not that...ask my ex...it drove her nuts !....Great list Honey!


heh. if someone can make an idiot of themselves to make me laugh, tease me, take the piss, argue with me in a fun way even thought they are frustrating as hell, I don't care if they can't do their paperwork. Can't change a light bulb. I don't mind slightly helpless in some ways - I need to feel useful too. But as long as they love to make me laugh, love to make me smile, like to show off for my attention, I'm a fabulous audience. And I don't mind a ranty temper (as long as it passes quick) as long as they love people and know how to suck up to me after. And I'd much rather have the high end sizzling chemistry that goes with all of that. I'm a passionate person and I like big colour :)

Just so long as it's not the mindf*ck off-on shit and they know how to cuddle a lot.

[nycfem]

more than three:

not too moody/morose/angry/cryptic. i groove off other people's moods so this does not work for me

similarly, not someone who needs a long time alone when angry and holds anger. i'm too sensitive and too anxious to be with someone who is not adept at working it out pretty quickly and moving on or working it out over time but not while letting the problem color our days together

not ambivalent about commitment

doesn't cut me down while arguing

makes me laugh

has my back (that's a big one for me)

... luckily i'm describing BB, my partner, to a tee! Some of my non-negotiables I didn't know I needed until I found them in the relationship I'm in now. Just thinking out loud...

[Darbonaire]

Drugs OR alchohol.....no way I'm going to be with you.....ever !

Cheating.....once will be the last time I assure you....

Lying...to me or to yourself..... sorry, not interested !

[~ocean]

exactly what Darbonaire said .. a marriage of 17 yrs ended for exactly those 3 reasons .. i wished and still wish hym well..

[Sweet Bliss]

NO NO list

Using me or others as an emotional punching bag

Failure to follow through

not accepting responsibility to self and others

[Library_girl]

Well I, too, have more than three. I think the older I get, the more non-negotiables I have. Call it experience, or taking better care of myself, or wisdom, or caution--I think it's all of those. So here are the big ones that come to mind:

1. Respect. You must completely respect me, my family and friends, my choices, my identity, my career, pretty much everything about me. You don't have to agree with everything or like everything or everyone in my life, but RESPECT is required. And I will give you absolute respect in return. Also, respect others, yourself, animals, the world around you.

2. Self esteem. You don't need to be perfect in this area, and god knows I'm not. My self esteem is a work in progress. But please don't be insecure and distrust me. People who don't trust, who think someone is cheating or lying, are just insecure. And don't have so much self-hatred that it keeps you from having a happy and fulfilling life on your own. Which brings me to #3.......

3. Have a life of your own. You should have your own place to live, job, independence, your own hobbies, friends, interests, things you like to do by yourself or with others. This doesn't mean I don't want tons of time with you, because I do. :) I admit I'm a femme who wants attention. But please continue your life if we are going to have a life together. Because I still plan to go shopping with my femme friends, visit my sister, hang out with my niece, go out after work, etc., and then come home to you.

4. Take charge and stick with it. I'm a girl who leads a double life. At work, I'm the boss and I'm in control. I make decisions all day and boss people around. I have to talk all the time, and deal with the public all day long. So when I get home, I don't want to be The Boss anymore. I want a Daddy. I want to be your girl, and I want to be loved and protected. And when you make a decision or commit to doing something......do it. Don't be the "all talk and no action" type.

5. Think I'm awesome. :D This may seem pretty simple, right? I want someone who thinks I'm wonderful, smart, beautiful, sexy, hilarious, and so on. Flattery will get you everywhere!

6. Affection. This is a MAJOR requirement! I'm talkin' physical, romantic, emotional, passionate affection. Bring it. Lots of it.

There's more, but those are the highlights! And I'm currently accepting applications for the position of said Daddy. The interviews promise to be enchanting.

[Ginger]

I don't have any non-negotiables. I put up with pretty much any crazy ass thing. Then I don't. I just bolt when it's clear the pain of losing someone will hurt more than the pain of staying. It can be excruciating, weighing those two things, but I weigh them like the Libra I am till I'm goddamn good and ready to make a change.

[JustBeingMe]

There are at least 2 things I don't tolerate in a relationship.
Cheating and Dishonesty. Usually these 2 things go hand in hand, been there experienced this with a few folks, and can't tolerate it. These are deal breakers for me. If I think of the 3rd one I will come back and post.
I only have monogamous relationships.

[FtMGuy]

I like this thread!
will get back to it but I need to think about the top 3~


I think everyone should have at least a few things that they have to have (in a realtionship) to keep the home fires burning and have a little slice of joy in your lives together. I have a few and I know, my S.O. does also. But our have-to's are very different. I'm interested in what works for others. Please share your thoughts of what works and/or would work for you. Thanks

ps. will share mine a little later, i'm late for an appointment) but thinking about how these can change as we become older..

[wahya]

No cheating, supportive, and love of animals.

[DJ Bear]

nonnegotiables for me:

We BOTH Communicate with each other.
No Lies by either of us.
She craves affection and I crave her.
Respect, goes both ways.
She loves surprises, getting flowers, little gifts.
She loves the holidays and enjoys decorating for them.
She wants a Butch/Daddy.
Lastly, she loves all animals especially my dog.

[Jean_TX]

What a challenge to limit my "non-negotiables" to just three things! For me, the top three are fundamental and absolute:

1. Honesty - the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth when it comes to those things that can affect our lives. I will not tolerate deception (overt lies, concealment, or weasel wording).

2. Fidelity - in thoughts, words, and deeds. True fidelity is the product of one's deep love; it is not merely a matter of following some 'rules' that have been imposed on oneself by one's partner.

3. Kindness - which, in addition to thoughtfulness and affection, implies treating one another respectfully.

[Velvetkitten]

Just Three?? As someone said in an earlier post after having to go through heartache and having those experiences there's a lot more then three but the top three would have to be:

Honesty

Must be a Daddy, a real one don't just talk the talk. I am use to being the boss and I want to come home and surrender completely and know I am being taken care of mentally and physically

Must love animals...you know that saying "If you don't like pet hair stay off my furniture" My animals are allowed on the bed, on the couch and just about wherever they are comfortable

[MysticOceansFL]

Don't Lie, Cheat or steal

[chris1life]

1. Must understand I have children and they will come first! I'm not saying if we have something planned that I Would cancel plans Because the kidos want me to take them somewhere but if I made plans to do something with them I will not cancel Because u want to go to the mall.
2. No addictions (drugs, alcohol, or gambling) I don't want to Come to pick u up and find u so drunk u can't walk.
3. Do not take me for granted. Ill treat u like a queen but don't treat me as if I'm your servant (hehe well unless I'm in the mood for some play)

[Sweet Bliss]

Accept what is.

I do.

Live the tenents of the Four Agreements.

I do.

Laugh daily.

I do.

[JAGG]

Affection

Passion


Integrity in all things

[femm_cb]

1) My partner has to be independent. I don't want someone who ALWAYS looks to me to be their only source of entertainment. I want my partner to have their own friends and time away to spend with them.

2) Honesty - I want some who can be honest no matter what. It's ok to lie to me about my birthday surprise or Christmas surprise or what have you, but if I ask you something that is important, don't lie!

3) Violent/volatile personality. The fist time you raise your hand in a fit of anger, I'm done and I WILL walk away regardless of how many years I have into the relationship. I have zero tolerance of domestic violence of any kind.

4) If you smoke, inhale and/or ingest anything stronger than "devils cabbage*, I will walk away. I do absolutely no illegal drug and will not tolerate it (but I do think pot should be legal)

[MsBluem]

I've only got a couple non-negotiables. Respect the fact my daughter is a huge priority in my life. You don't have to be involved with her but you have to understand that she means more to me than pretty much anything else in the world. The other is I'm polyamorous. You don't have to be and I'm fine with being exclusive but understand that there might come a time when I meet someone else I'd like to get to know.

[laruss]

Don't hit me.
Don't lie to me.
Don't cheat.

These are absolutely non-negotiable.

[EnderD_503]

1. First and foremost communication. Communication of barriers, I'm one of these people who is absolutely paranoid about consent stuff. Some people don't feel comfortable expressing barriers or when something suddenly triggers them...I need to know. It doesn't matter if you want to explore sleeping with someone else, if you want a hotdog instead of a hamburger, if you need space whatever. Everything's fine as long as there's communication of some kind. Doesn't even always have to be verbal or immediate.

2. Chemistry

3. Similar politics/respect/openness (all kind of linked for me)

[Diablo]

1. Honesty...all the time...all things..lack of trust is the root of all evil.

2. Respect....mutual respect is key...

3. Faithfulness....im not one for open relationships...i dont share.

[Sweet Bliss]

don't wipe your buggers on the furniture

bathe and perform dental hygiene BEFORE bedtime

have a regular income of your own

[Soft*Silver]

its been a couple years since this thread started and I posted my 12 must non negotiables (I got carried away..lol)

alot has happened in those years. Mostly, I have been away from some sad and hurtful relationships that influenced my posts. And thankfully, I have been in a wonderful happy relationship. And am about to be married to this person.

I have to say, being content in a relationships has made my list of non negotiables almost non existent. I mean, I wouldnt tolerate abuse of any kind, but I cant imagine being abused in any way by him.

I wouldnt want to get cheated on, but I would have to examine why he cheated and realize it was a symptom, not a character trait. I cant imagine him cheating on me. I could imagine him asking for a more open relationship...perhaps even poly. And in the past that might have been a deal breaker but not with him. Not now in my life.

Cleanliness is SO important. I gag over poor hygiene. But I dont worry about that with him. We meet each other's standards of hygiene very well. And when I have been sick, medically, with sugeries and looking my worst, he never flinched taking care of me and loving me.

I am just not sure what the non negotiables would be with us. I know what they have been with others...my list could have been alot longer than 12...but then, it has been narrowed down to....well...none.

its kinda nice not to have to put up defenses and stake out lines to be drawn...

this is so smooth...

[imperfect_cupcake]

in order of importance:

1) sarky, playful sense of humour - doesn't take things too seriously

2) kinky, higher sex drive

3) consistent with feelings, moody is fine as long as it's not shot at me, but I can't deal with being really into me for three weeks then weirdly distance for a week, then really intense for two, then distant for nine days... does my head in. At least a "I'm tired and need to slip off radar for a bit, see you in a few days" would be good and no four texts messages, two emails and a phone call every day during the "intense" phase. I know WAY too many people like this. I am a magnet for it.

[CA_BabyCakes]

1) Sense of humor a giant must!!!

2) Patience, im not always the easiest girl to deal with

3) Big boi physique! Im a big girl, don't wanna worry about hurting anyone ;)

[Genesis]

My seven non-negotiables in a relationship are:


Integrity
Pro-active communication
Self-respect
Cheesy sense of humor
Live life to it's fullest potential
Love to dance, travel and learn new things
Versatility to know how to dance through life regardless of what blows come their way


I might edit later... but this is pretty solid for me....

[Queenie]

One: Humor I like them funny.

Two: knowing who Dr Who is. If you arent a nerd then you aren't for me.

Three: Loving my crazy family. My family means the world to me. You have to understand this and be willing to hear be bitch about them a lot.

Four: You cannot be pro-life or be born again in a shape or form nor can you want Jeb Bush or any other Bush to be the next president. Oh that one is a big one for me. I like em nice and liberal!

Five: If you and I were to ever have a kid. You do not in any way feel its normal to spank our kid. I had an ex that found it to be alright. Yeah and thats one of the many reason why hy is an ex.

Six: Your ex is your ex. I DO NOT need to know every single bit about them. Yeah that one has also happened to me.

[Siren's Song]

1. Emotional integrity.
2. Devoted to the process of evolving as a human being.
3. Has backbone.
4. Adventurous/S.E.X.Y.

[batennisboy]

1. Integrity
2. Sense of humor
3. Kindness

[puddin']

non-smoker
honest as da day is long
can make a crock pot chili to die fo'...

[Miss Scarlett]

Honesty

Fidelity

Trust

[Sweet Bliss]

Ya gotta be able to laugh at yourself and be okay if I join you

Like my Little Mister, yes he is odd looking, get over it

Whatever happened with her, be over it please.

[Miss Scarlett]

3 more I require...

Emotional stability/maturity

Communication

Laughter

[Gaige]

be femme
love animals
be a mature, responsible adult

[Sweet Bliss]

Be able to travel with me would be nice

Play with clay with me (and other artsy stuff )

Be silly with me .... have a silly sweet side please

Well guess these are wishes .......

[thedivahrrrself]

Compassion for me and for others, nonjudgmental
An adventurous spirit
Intelligence, wit, and humour

[QueenofSmirks]

Encompass a superior work ethic

Contribute financially to the relationship

Communicate honestly

[Butterbean]

Be intelligent

Be funny

Have integrity

[CherylNYC]

While all the below are imperative, these two are the most important to any kind of human relationship with me:

(1)Trust. If you're a liar, or behave in a dishonourable way, or are given to meanness or sneak attacks, stay far away from me.

(2)Respect. If you are disrespectful towards me, or if you're in the habit of doing things that would lead me to lose respect for you, stay far away from me.



The other imperatives for a dating relationship, not in any order of importance are:

(3)A safe playing, dominant, sadistic butch leather top with a high sex drive.

(4)A butch who is either stone, or who will respect and be satisfied within my stonefemme boundaries.

(5)Someone who has her own income and is living within her means.

(6)Either a biker or motorcycle friendly.

(7)Smart and funny.

(8)Non-monogamous.

(9)Not politically conservative.

(10)Someone who is relatively local. She would have to live within a day's ride from NYC.

[cinderella]

Non-negotiables aka 'deal-breakers' for me would be a lot more then 3 things, but I'll try...

smoker
any substance abuse - this is a 'biggie'
lazy/unkempt/unambitious

And these are just starters. I would add that he would have to be very intelligent, witty/funny, a sense of fair play, honest, generous to a fault, and have an immense curiosity about life, and the world around us.

Oh, being an incurable romantic, a love for classic film and good music, would not hurt one bit!! :)

[Katelar]

1) Communication; talk to me, discuss, debate, let me know what you think and why. Make some of the choices and don't wait for me to do everything.

2) Something to get up for in the morning; whether that's a job, a vocation, education, anything. Just something that gives you a life away from 'us'.

3) Honesty; don't lie, i'll know. Without honesty there can be no trust.

and a cheeky fourth

4) Cuddles and 'Us' time is essential; Sex is a two way street but let me take charge ;)

[Gráinne]

Back again:

1. Passion-not just of the obvious kind, but passion as a way of life, a passion for life. Includes having passions outside of the relationship.

2. The ability to be present in the moment with me, whatever is going on. You won't always "get" me, but really trying is important. I will reciprocate with you.

3. The ability to face your challenges and problems and see them as opportunities for real change. Even if they beat you down at first, the ability to come back stronger.

[Chad]

Always the same three for me;

!. No cheating

2. No lying

3. No stealing

Actually, I have more than three but maybe that is on another thread.

Lead by example.

[Mari]

1. Someone who knows and is true to who they are.

2. Someone of strong character and integrity.

3. Someone with a passion for every area of their life.

[MysticOceansFL]

1. Don't lie 2. Cheat 3. Or steal.

Have a sense of humor
be able to communicate
be able to forgive because if you cant do that how can you go forward in life?
Be faithful
trusting and have morals
:glasses:

[Koffeelvr]

Must haves:

Integrity

Kindness

Wisdom

Followed close by a healthy sense of adventure

[NorCalStud]

emotional honesty
Likes to have a clean home
Communicates

[Asari]

1. A (nearly) similar view on spirituality, philosophy and ethics.
Indispensable attribute. Prevents major conflicts.

2. Healthy self-discipline.
There are no Problems, just challenges. Fear? Conquer it. Bored? Open your eyes for the miracles around you.

(If it's going to be a sexual relationship)
3. Attractiveness.
Female masculinity and a dominant aura is a good start. Or s/he is an anthropomorphic alien. *cough* :D

[SleepyButch]

Hmmmm....

Honesty

Affectionate

Must love dogs

[Sweet Bliss]

I don't share nicely, so NO open policy

I am not looking for pain = love, if you are keep walking away

I am the Domestic Goddess you always dreamed of having by your side ...
Not your slave, step up or get lost.

Okie dokie, there, some honest to gawd honesty.

It's Sunday morning, and yes, I'm putting it out there. Scorpio rising today. Feels fabulous.

[Pixie]

1. Fluid communication (with that is honesty....that ultimately develops trust)

2. Flexibility/Open-mindedness...one must hold themselves with compassion and understanding in order to express/live by these

3. Independence...Yes I want you to want me, yes I want time with you....but I also want time with out you, time away, time to appreciate the time I have with you.

[Sweet Bliss]

SCORPIO QUEEN OF CUPS Diving into emotional situations is best. Get in deep for best results. Work out emotional knots by addressing them head on.

See, Arwen said so. Feels good to say things outloud sometimes. I'm going to do this more often. :tarot:

[ONLY]

1. no smoking
2. no cats
3. no coming home drunk and obnoxious

and few others that are regarded as "normal"

[LexiLove]

Chocolate is medicinal....even at times, better than boobs.

GASP!!! I didn't realize there were things that were better than boobs...(and I am a chocolate fiend.)

[ButchKnight]

good communicator
loves to kiss
loyalty means something

[Nat]

I think I'm still figuring these out, but almost everything I've thought of falls under this category:

Treats self and others with respect

[kittygrrl]

principled
passionate
ready

[Sweet Bliss]

Funny
non smoking (please, please, please )
Thinks I'm funny ... cuz I am.

[silkepus]

My number one rule in any relationship is to never expect something Im not willing to give.

but non-negotioable things

Respecting and trusting each other

Having that certain sumtin' sumtin' connection.

Sharing a sense of humor is also very important.

They wouldnt have to share all my interests and I dont expect to share all of theirs, but they would have to be accepting and propbably try to take part in them a little and I would do the same for them.

[~ocean]

non - negtionalbes

1. my finances are just that MINE ~
2. lies ~ not allowed ~ I 'll end it right there and then ~
3. no physical violence ~

[MysticOceansFL]

Principled and morals, compassion and passionate and having an opened mind and heart. for me its just not about being ready.






principled
passionate
ready

[Flynn]

Honesty, faithfulness, committed.

[Daktari]

Honesty, open-mindedness and willingness.

[fatallyblonde]

I'm trying to decide which of my non negotiables are most important here...
...
1. have your shit together (be employed or otherwise able to support yourself)
2. don't be an abusive jerk (this includes no headgames or drama for the sake of it)
3. be committed, loyal and honest

[puddin']

be real
be kind
be giving

[*Anya*]

No fear or defensiveness in hearing the authentic feelings of another.

In turn, talking from the heart, with depth, emotion and vulnerability;

regarding how you are feeling.

Both, without false selves, keeping each others' sharing as gifts and trusting that it was safe to open up.

:love1:

[LeatherBentOne]

NO drugs, including marijuana
NO alcohol except social or very light drinking
NO infidelity
NO dishonesty, full disclosure expected


NO EXCUSES

[GeeGina]

For me, the non-negotiables are:

1. Honesty - no secrets, ever.
2. A sense of humor.
3. Communication.

Kinda simple, but at the same time if they're so damn simple why are they so hard to do?

[Daktari]

An IQ over 130
A wide vocabulary and the ability to use it with relish
Willingness to get downright filthy!

[caffeinelover]

1 -Healthy in body and mind =

In body: No self-inflicted diseases ( ex: lung cancer from smoking, obesity from overeating, lack of mobility from said obesity and lack of exercise, etc = I'm an ex-obese before you flame me!)

Zero addictions: including porn, videogames, internet, prescription drugs such as antidepressant (someone unable to function without their pills).
Alcohol socially o.k. Occasional marijuana negotiable.
Preferably non-smoker.

In mind: Psychologically- sound:with no unrecognized unhealthy patterns.
Negotiable: Someone working on themselves actively through therapy, meditation, whatever form of self-development is fine with me as long as there is action taken.

2- Not hurting animals or human beings.
No hunting or fishing, no working in the meat industry or any industry hurting animals, no restraining orders from abused spouses or family members in their past

3- Loyalty, faithfulness

[Sweet Bliss]

An IQ over 130
A wide vocabulary and the ability to use it with relish
Willingness to get downright filthy!

*throws afghan over ya... gotcha covered!!!!!

[Sweet Bliss]

:pirate-steer:CXfxUVjHFl0

[MysticOceansFL]

Sweet Bliss ;
An IQ over 130
A wide vocabulary and the ability to use it with relish
Willingness to get downright filthy!


Well, everyone is smart in their own way so I wouldn't place a limit on someone's ability.

Having a wide range of vocabulary and the ability to use it with relish is nice but willingness to use it in a down right filthy way. I guess it would be great but anyone can use vocabulary well in that way but wouldn't that after a while getting a little redundant like reading fifty shades of grey eh? I mean that's just mhop, besides I prefer the real deal.:glasses:

[Daktari]

http://i132.photobucket.com/albums/q8/scoobs63/Enjoying-a-mud-bath-at-the-Boryeong-Mud-Festival-South-Korea-e1278952302747_zps34d52fa1.jpg

[Katniss]

Hey now, some folks pay good money for mud.....


http://www.luminousinsideandout.com/sites/default/files/mud_clay_facial_0.jpg

[Daktari]

Hey now, some folks pay good money for mud.....


Of course they do; how do you think I became an eccentric millionaire? :cheesy:

[Redsunflower]

My 3 non-negotiables are:

1. Above average intelligence

2. The attitude to handle a big cock

3. Zero enmeshment with previous partners

[joyfulfemme]

1. Honesty.
2. Fidelity.
3. Devotion.

These are reciprocal. Ask for nothing you arent willing to give.

[Sweet Bliss]

1. Honesty.
2. Fidelity.
3. Devotion.

These are reciprocal. Ask for nothing you arent willing to give.

AMEN love!

[Sweet Bliss]

My posts are meant for entertainment use only. :|

[Jar]

1. Communication
2. Honesty
3. Fidelity

[Sweet Bliss]

Sweet Bliss ;
An IQ over 130
A wide vocabulary and the ability to use it with relish
Willingness to get downright filthy!


Well, everyone is smart in their own way so I wouldn't place a limit on someone's ability.

Having a wide range of vocabulary and the ability to use it with relish is nice but willingness to use it in a down right filthy way. I guess it would be great but anyone can use vocabulary well in that way but wouldn't that after a while getting a little redundant like reading fifty shades of grey eh? I mean that's just mhop, besides I prefer the real deal.:glasses:

I took Daktari's post to be three separate things.

High IQ, fancy word user, and a lover that likes being super naughty.

I don't think my brain would work to use big fancy words while being loving. In fact, getting kissed good and proper leaves me breathless and brainless. So much for IQ points,

:rofl: :seeingstars:

And I don't know what the 50 shades of grey/mud reference is about.

[kittygrrl]

tenacity
unconditional
patient

[Sweet Bliss]

omg... Are we looking for a Golden Retriever ?

[C0LLETTE]

worship me
adore me
make me laugh


btw I don't think we should pick apart other people's choices here.

[kylieluvsart]

hi everyone.
my three and this comes from experience .
complete honesty.
a job stable job.
mentally and emotionally stable
not addicted to anything ...ok it was four.

[Daktari]

No caffeine users
No sugar users
No Nicotine users

[Sweet Bliss]

Someone pointed out to me that I have AT LEAST 12 non-negotiables..... I lost count after 20 :|

What was that quote? Oh yah I remember now.

Expectations are premeditated resentments.

Thank you Big Book.

[Daktari]

A non shedding coat
Not yappy
A cold, wet nose!

:dog:

[Sweet Bliss]

A non shedding coat
Not yappy
A cold, wet nose!

:dog:

Poodle! !:walking-poodle: