Important things I learned from past relationships

[anotherbutch]

I have learned one should never lose their own identity... be your own person with your own thoughts and opinions.
Never lose what makes you uniquely you!!!

[dark_crystal]

When they tell you their aspirations, goals, things they want someday: remember that this does not actually say anything at all about them as a person.

Rattling off a list of good intentions takes zero effort and zero integrity. Are any of these projects actually in progress or within the realm of possibility, based on what you observe of their day-to-day attitudes and habits?

Do they get offended or defensive when you ask this sort of question?

[Greco]

Learned that I like children...miss them.

Greco

[Talon]

The biggest take away for me has been....that the other person did the best they could with the knowledge they had available to them at the time.
As did I.
In the end, we are human beings, just trying to navigate life.

[homoe]

Such a positive post above! Like I love saying 'life didn't come with a manual"

[cinnamongrrl]

This is semi negative but I stress it to my girls to this day

Keep your finances separate...

And never give up your autonomy for anyone.

Love isn't always equal on both sides. If you find an instance where it is, hold on for dear life.

[Bubala]

Never settle.
Know what NOT to compromise on.
Never let anyone treat you in a way lesser than what you deserve.
We only deserve to be treated as well as we treat others.
Relationships are a two way street.
Learn what you should compromise on at times.
Work on healthy communication.
Always pay attention.
Learn to listen.
Silence can be the best thing ever and the worst thing ever at different times.
Red flags only get redder with time - once you see a red flag , run!
Don't waste your time with fools who don't deserve you!
Love with all your being.
Laugh, with all your lungs.
Make your lovers laugh.
Be happy, share your happy.
Always find ways to be kind, kind to yourself and kind to others equally.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

I learned that I have to continue to learn. After all no two people are alike.
To not compare current partner to past partner.
That I have to do it for myself before I can do it for anyone else.
To not just honor the person I am with but to honor myself.
That sometimes I let go to quickly, well once.
Sometimes I hold on way to long with a thousand reasons why to do it
Not to believe what others say unless I was there or saw the same thing with my own eyes.
Red flags stop ignoring them
I'm sorry are just words until there is behavior/change followed by it
Everyone has a bad day
Just because they are listening they may not be hearing you so ask..

[Nattih]

- Love is not enough to sustain a relationship
- Don't ruin a great friendship for possible romantic love
- You don't owe someone who is leaving your love and well wishes. Especially not your friendship. Its ok to be hurt and not want a thing to do with them, ever.
- The only mixed signals are the ones you send to yourself.
- Always leave the relationship with some trinket that you love. At least that will have been worth the trouble (got that one from my wealthy professor lol)
- My education, business, and sense of self-worth is never going to wake up and not want me anymore. Never allow a temporary relationship to interfere with permanent things again.

[cassiopeia67]

1. To let go
2. I'm responsible for my actions, and choices..not theirs
3. That it is okay to do what is best for me
4. To make mistakes is human, and to learn from those mistakes
5. That even though two people love each other, sometimes it's not enough
6. To give myself time..

[bright_arrow]

Don't ignore your gut feeling/red flags thinking love will conquer all and make everything okay/better. It needs to be good from the beginning.

Actions may speak louder than words, but words still mean something.

Stand your ground. Don't let anyone intimidate/guilt you into staying. They do not own you, and you don't owe anything to anyone.

Walk away from alcohol/drug use. You can't save them. They have to want to save themselves.

Do what makes you happy. Chase your dreams. In the right relationship, you can have it all. A relationship should not entail sacrifice (unless you're sacrificing sleep for late-night sex! ;) )

[girl_dee]

That you cannot deny who YOU are, and if you do, and you are unhappy, you cannot blame the other person.

[Brisa]

Don't believe everything that you are told.

[AmazonDC]

To guide with a steady hand and an open heart

[SirenManda]

To let go when people chose to leave.

It took a lot this time, but I accepted sometimes people don't feel the same as I do. All because I feel like I miss someone, doesn't mean they do. I needed to accept I'm not gonna die of sadness because someone else can get past things I can't.

There are more people in this world to be stuck on someone, when there's people out there who will be interested in you and hang on your every word when they care. When I finally realized this, I started letting new people in.

Allow yourself to enjoy when people are around, but when they go stop trying to show them anything, its okay to let them leave and move your effort to other people.

After all the pain and suffering after they leave, it really is just a matter of time before the new prince/princess charming shows up. Fix your make up girls, it's just a break up. :cheer:

[kittygrrl]

don't jump to conclusions
respect his opinions, even if you disagree passionately
listen more then talk
laugh more then cry

[gotoseagrl]

This is beautiful dee. And so true. We as individuals are responsible for making decisions that make us healthy and happy based on who we naturally are and what we really want. With relationships especially.


That you cannot deny who YOU are, and if you do, and you are unhappy, you cannot blame the other person.

[2qt]

To let go of the what went wrongs & focus on the what was rights, it's an important tool when moving forward & healing from the broken heart, when you only focus on the negatives it suffocates you...To trust in my gut instinct a little more & to not let a partner define my happiness because ultimately my happiness comes from me & me alone... I have that control nobody else...

[girl_dee]

This is beautiful dee. And so true. We as individuals are responsible for making decisions that make us healthy and happy based on who we naturally are and what we really want. With relationships especially.

thanks gototsea


i have to be me at this point....

[Deborah*]

To be extremely careful of who you enter a relationship with. Use much intellect along with emotions. Pause yourself and ask if this is really the right relationship for you. Looks can be deceptive.

Deborah

[cathexis]

Sort of inline with the above post.

Not to abandon true deep love and commitment to sizzling hot lust and blazing scenes.

In short order, the sizzling and blaze will burn out.

All that remained were cold embers and memories. Oh, and years of tears.

[homoe]

To let go when people chose to leave.

It took a lot this time, but I accepted sometimes people don't feel the same as I do. All because I feel like I miss someone, doesn't mean they do. I needed to accept I'm not gonna die of sadness because someone else can get past things I can't.

There are more people in this world to be stuck on someone, when there's people out there who will be interested in you and hang on your every word when they care. When I finally realized this, I started letting new people in.

Allow yourself to enjoy when people are around, but when they go stop trying to show them anything, its okay to let them leave and move your effort to other people.

After all the pain and suffering after they leave, it really is just a matter of time before the new prince/princess charming shows up. Fix your make up girls, it's just a break up. :cheer:

.....:goodpost:....
So true, if someone wants to leave let them!

[kittygrrl]

Sort of inline with the above post.

Not to abandon true deep love and commitment to sizzling hot lust and blazing scenes.

In short order, the sizzling and blaze will burn out.

All that remained were cold embers and memories. Oh, and years of tears.

I agree with this...in my twenties "hot" was what counted..but now ..there are more important things--of course you want both always but it's not wise to reject change--because change will always be with us and it's good and we shouldn't be afraid of it and learn to take advantage of it--life is a challenge and this is what keeps it interesting!

[imperfect_cupcake]

That the deep friendship in the relationship should come before anything else

That romance is not about grand gestures or words for me. It's about small, little acts of care that are natural. It's about stepping up for me when I can't but not in a "masculine hero" way, more like a "scrubbing bae's puke from around the toilet" way. <<< *that's* romance to me. I mean, that means someone sincerely loves me.

That I find passion in humour, movement, and creative conversations.

That loyalty is more important to me than fidelity

That I'm no longer looking for the passion-romance-chemistry triad. What I want is maturity, skills, compatibility, self acceptance, self responsibility and wit. *fans self*

[Lifesymphony]

Learning to wait at least 24hrs before reacting when I'm upset. No matter how hard it is to keep quiet.

Learning the difference between assertive and abusive.

Learning to rediscover the raw vulnerable side of myself in the arms of another.

[FireSignFemme]

GqPwffptR-E

[MaddieRobbie]

Oh, I learned so much from so many...(haha)

I learned:

People can change - but only if they want to.
Monogamy can be beautiful...and overrated.
Washing butch cock is important.
Don't aim a champagne bottle at anything breakable.
Sex doesn't need love...but it does need like.
Trust. I either do or I don't.
How to let things go.
Fuck the rules.
Don't fuck the boss.
Big brains are sexy.
Kissing matters.
How people treat others tells you who they really are.
Strength isn't always muscle.
I'm better suited as an aunt, not a mother.
Keep the cowboy boots on.
Even non-smokers like it when I smoke cigars.
Don't hide who I am.

[ksrainbow]

My potential/future relationships are negotiable.

Ks-

[kittygrrl]

"don't get out over your skis":tea:

[~ocean]

I learned not to settle if they don't have this this about them..
Must love animals ,seafood , windy spring days , ocean air , watching sports , carnivals, European foods , music , artsy stuff.

[Buckaroo]

When someone shows you who they are the first time BELIEVE THEM!

[homoe]

"don't get out over your skis":tea:




I've NEVER heard of this saying or idiom or whatever it is, but I love it......:hangloose:

[girl_dee]

that if they aren’t kinky, it won’t work.

[Wh1ms1]

That it's ok to be kinky, that I need to stop believing that what other people think about me defines me, and that I really am capable of handling things. Who better?

[Ginger]

I learned that breaking up is a natural part of the cycle of a relationship.

[ksrainbow]

My potential/future relationships are negotiable.

Ks-

Above remains current and valid... although new insight to my own self preservation is becoming quite insightful.

ks-

[kittygrrl]

talk less, make more love

[C0LLETTE]

way easier to be the a'hole in a relationship...no one tries to guilt you, forever and forever, into trying again.

[cathexis]

It's often better to just lay down and take it,
rather than fight about what it all means, and
who's going to come out on top.

[C0LLETTE]

It's often better to just lay down and take it,
rather than fight about what it all means, and
who's going to come out on top.

true but unfortunately sometimes you just have to lie there till they think you're dead, which means you can't moan and wince when they take a last few kicks.

[JDeere]

Things arent always what they seem.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Hmmmmmm

We are all imperfect humans, and the best we can hope for is to find that one person who knows you, and loves you BECAUSE of your imperfections, NOT in spite of them.

[Kätzchen]

I was reading an article over on NPR today, called “When romance ends can a friendship grow?” … and found myself agreeing with some of the perspectives authored in this news article.

LINK: https://www.npr.org/2024/06/12/g-s1-4032/when-a-romance-ends-can-a-friendship-grow

Back several years ago, when Darrell and I were dating (2013-2015), we struggled with if we could still keep our friendship in tact. I posted somewhat about it, here, back then because we truly struggled with letting go of each other when we were madly in love.

Then a few years later, after a few other short term failed romantic relationships ended, there was somebody I thought would compliment me in a relationship perfectly, but they lived in another state close by and I discovered that they still lived with their ex-partner — not because they were still in a relationship but because when they were in their years long relationship, they were complexly tied together via financial arrangements they did early in their relationship that benefitted each others life and they didn’t want to untangle and end their financial arrangement or live separately from each other. Which for me, I could see why they chose to do that but for a person like me who did not want to endure a tangled up relationship, I just bowed out gracefully and eventually drifted away to safety so that neither of us would have hurt feelings. I just couldn’t do it, especially after Darrell and I didn’t last due to complications of his daughter and ex-wife.

So … when I read the article at NPR today I thought it was stated perfectly by parties they interviewed for this news article… how different people adjusted to the end of their respective romantic relationships.

I’m glad it never worked out for me to retain a friendship with Darrell or the other person I thought I might have a romantic relationship with, after Darrell. I eventually met the love of my life a few years ago, after a series trying to see where life would take me. My current partner is definitely the love of my life and it’s because of all my other failed relationships that I know this is true (about my partner).

[Bèsame*]

I will never jump into another relationship so fast. Time is on my side to decide on how we really get along and how we view things.



I was married to a Male, over 25 years ago. Never again will I find myself in a relationship with a male.

[Soft*Silver]

That I can do so wrong, while being so right.
I have to learn not to fight when I know It’s the same fight
That even romantic love comes in varieties and not all are meant for me

[Stone-Butch]

I totally agree with you Soft*Silver. I learned not to rehash the same old argument as I have found that walking away has become much easier. If I can't leave an unsolvable argument alone I need to let it go. That way I feel I have left my partner with her dignity and kept mine.

[kittygrrl]

real love is rare