Street Harrassment

[Nat]

Have you experienced this? Tell your stories here. :)

Also - there's an app called hollaback For smartphones where you can post a pick and/or document incidents of street harrassment.

[always2late]

I voted in the poll...but after doing so, I began to think about it and I realized that I read the word "harassment" and interpreted it to mean anti-gay harassment. I am not sure if that was the correct interpretation. If the question is have I ever been harassed because of my sexual orientation...then the answer is no. However, if the poll is covering other forms of harassment...then yes, I have been harassed since I was 11 years old. I developed very early and, at 11, wore the same bra size that I do now. When I think back on it...it was pretty damn disgusting, because I was OBVIOUSLY not an adult, except for one anatomical characteristic, and the attention I received, particularly from older biological men, was downright disturbing!

[Nat]

Really I meant any sort of street harrassment. Thanks for pointing out my lack of clarity!

[starryeyes]

If this is about harassment about being gay, then yes but only one incident I can remember. I was at a restaurant on a date, sitting at the bar just talking. I noticed a woman continually staring at me, but just ignored her. After we were done, my date left and I got in the car and started driving. I felt someone staring at me, and looked over and the same woman from the restaurant was yelling at me in her car. She kept level with me and looked so evil. This was the first time in my life that I felt hated. I will never forget that.

Other than that, stares and such but nothing ever comparable to that, thank goodness!

[MsTinkerbelly]

I also developed early, and after being followed home several times while riding my bike home from school, my Mom had to drive me every day.

Never for being a Lesbian though, even when I am visable with my Kasey.

[princessbelle]

I would say yes, most definitely.

Stares and glares when i'm with my partner, and the ugly hoot calls when i'm by myself. Well, more so when i was younger for sure. LOL.

It's funny really but i can handle it from bio men when i'm alone and they have no clue i'm gay...i just think to myself "asswipe" and walk on.

But, when i'm with my partner and i get that "omg you sick-o" glare, my feathers get ruffled and i want to poke their eyes out with a steel rod and rip their lower intestines out with my bare hands. Ok that may have been a little overboard but, yeah, pisses me off.

I guess my outwardly gay part is tougher than my "seen as straight" part. That probably made no sense.

Good thread and yes, i need more coffee.

[Justin]

One of my experiences happened in 2002 during Prop 22. I had a no on Prop 22 sign in my truck window and I had pulled into a gas station to get gas. This guy was behind me and I guess I pulled into the pump stall he wanted and he got pissed. When I got out of my truck he started yelling at me and called me a f**king dyke and stated that I was going to hell. Mind you he is doing all of this with his teenage son in the car who look very embarrassed. I calmly looked at him and stated.....well if heaven is full of narrow minded jerks like you I would rather go to hell......and at that point I walked in the store and he just stood there not knowing what to say.

I am glad its getting better and better everyday but we still have a long way to go !!!

[always2late]

I would say yes, most definitely.

Stares and glares when i'm with my partner, and the ugly hoot calls when i'm by myself. Well, more so when i was younger for sure. LOL.

It's funny really but i can handle it from bio men when i'm alone and they have no clue i'm gay...i just think to myself "asswipe" and walk on.

But, when i'm with my partner and i get that "omg you sick-o" glare, my feathers get ruffled and i want to poke their eyes out with a steel rod and rip their lower intestines out with my bare hands. Ok that may have been a little overboard but, yeah, pisses me off.

I guess my outwardly gay part is tougher than my "seen as straight" part. That probably made no sense.

Good thread and yes, i need more coffee.

Even though I have never been harassed while with a partner, or for being gay, I can totally understand why it would make you more irate! I think that most women in our society have learned to deal with the random idiots who will hoot and holler and make suggestive comments as they walk down a street (I'm not saying its something we SHOULD have to deal with...just stating that most of us have dealt with it at one time or another). And it can become rather easy to shake it off...because when you think about it, although it may be disgusting and offensive, it is not really personal. It is harassment for what you look like, or for the simple fact of your biological sex. However (and this is my opinion only) I would see anti-gay harassment as something much different. To me it would not be an "attack" on how I look, but rather an attack of who I AM...and yeah, that would probably make me want to rip someone to shreds too.

[foxyshaman]

I too was an early bloomer. I am short and no mistaking my female gender. I also really wiggle when I walk and I would have given ANYTHING when I was younger to not have swinging hips. But then it developed into a great dirt dog swagger... so yeah it works now :D

I have been harassed when with a partner. And sometimes I even give back better than I get. Especially when I am behind said offenders in the grocery line up. Oh sometimes a captive ass is the best ass to harass.

The worst harrasment I have experienced however, is due to practicing shamanism. I will host drumming circles out doors, or teach classes in local parks. Loud mouth Christians who think they have the corner on spirituality can be quite nasty. Sometimes it takes all my Pisces Water to douse my Aries Flames.

[Quintease]

I get harassment a lot. From guys photographing my cleavage in the tube, to men asking me out on dates, to men saying 'cheer up love' or 'smile' or 'mmm, hot' or 'nice breasts'. It's all really offensive.

I've never noticed any special treatment while I was with a partner, except when I was with more feminine women, then men tend to stare..

Moving to London was an eye opener! Men just could not look at my face. They were completely fixated by my boobs. Since I've become a native however I find that less and less, probably because I cover up a lot more now.

The freakiest thing to ever happen, it was the end of winter and everyone was rugged up still. I was wearing an outfit that covered everything but my ankles. So my ankles were showing and that meant I got wolf-whistled all the way down the street!! Unbelievable!

Since I've been with my husband men are far more subtle. They try to catch my eye but that's about it. Once a man tried to dirty dance with me not realising my husband was there. The minute he knew he stopped and offered my husband an apology, the cheek!

[Point~Of~No~Return]

i believe everyone has or can be a target of street harassment for any reason

but that shows the offender is a true coward people feel mightier in groups with numbers opposed to those individually standing on their own standing up for themselves their own differences

it's hate it doesn't matter from who or what it's just hate

it can be anywhere it's even with in our own community

[princessbelle]

Even though I have never been harassed while with a partner, or for being gay, I can totally understand why it would make you more irate! I think that most women in our society have learned to deal with the random idiots who will hoot and holler and make suggestive comments as they walk down a street (I'm not saying its something we SHOULD have to deal with...just stating that most of us have dealt with it at one time or another). And it can become rather easy to shake it off...because when you think about it, although it may be disgusting and offensive, it is not really personal. It is harassment for what you look like, or for the simple fact of your biological sex. However (and this is my opinion only) I would see anti-gay harassment as something much different. To me it would not be an "attack" on how I look, but rather an attack of who I AM..
.and yeah, that would probably make me want to rip someone to shreds too.

Yes yes this!!!!!!! Girl, we always think alike. I swear you were my sis in another life!!! :bunchflowers:

[EnderD_503]

A few times I've had some not so pleasant experiences in public places. Occasionally the questioning of "what are you" which then leads to really uncomfortable comments sometimes a mostly empty threat. While other times the person thinks they're being "friendly," "flattering," or "informative." The worst is people who start to say lewd shit because they think its "hot that I don't know what you are." Fuck off...

But those occasions just made me feel uncomfortable, versus the few occasions in recent years where I've had vans or cars follow me at night, whether they're trying to yell something at me or not. Somehow when you throw a vehicle into the mix of the "are you a boy/girl" taunts it somehow makes it freakier.

While I was a teenager I had similar shit happen as well with vans/cars at night. I had some really close calls as a teen, one night having to jump my friend's backyard fence and knock on the back door cause some asshole in a van decided to follow me. Dude was already up to the fence by the time he answered the door. Same night I ended up clocking another guy who decided to make some fucked up remarks while I was waiting for the bus home. It was a horrible night and freaked the hell out of me, and I'm not even sure why it happened. Then again, I also know some xy guys who have been followed by strange cars as teenagers for no reason, narrowly escaping because another car or person came along. I guess the reason I think of that is even as a teenager I was pretty masculine, so it makes it hard for me to tell what the intent was of people like the creepy van guy above, whether he perceived me as male, female, gay etc.

[WomenMoveMe]

As they held me down, he talked of killing me, of teaching me a lesson, I was told I would be left without a hair on my head. It seems if I were going to act like a man, it was their intent to have me look like one. At least that is what they proclaimed as tufts of my hair surrounded me on the pavement beneath my forced resting place.

I had been asked to meet a friend at a bar. She was married and she and her husband were on the verge of divorce and she wanted to talk. She had chosen this particular bar as it was conveniently located between our homes, and she had frequented it a few years earlier. She assured me it was a nice, quiet place. We could have a couple of drinks, talk, and be left to our own device.

I arrived earlier than she. The parking lot was studded with motorcycles and trucks whose paint jobs had seen better says. I felt a small sense of foreboding, but I soldiered on. I entered the bar, feeling as though every head turned in my direction. I stood there, aware I was completely exposed, as my eyes scanned the room for somewhere, anywhere, I could sit that would take me away from the stares and whispers of the disbelieving crowd.
I was in their place, the nerve of me.

I opted for a booth in the back, I sat against the wall. Were someone to approach me, I at least wanted to see them coming. Unfortunately, this booth, was near the men’s restroom and really not at all where I should have been. I should have been in my car, calling my friend to arrange another meeting place, but I stayed, for her, I stayed.

It was clear now my presence was something quite remarkable to those in the bar. Each turn on the pool table did not seem to be able to be performed without first glaring at me as they bent down to make their shot. The men muttering something to their audience, their women giggling and all but pointing. Yet, I stayed. Where was she?

Too self-conscious to order a drink, too anxious to move from the safety of this booth, I waited. The longer I stayed, the louder and more outspoken the bar patrons became. I defiantly returned the gazes of some. I pretended to take great interest in the all but wasted candle that sat alone in the middle of the table. Anything, to appear undaunted.
Not typically one to fidget, I fidgeted.

It had been only a few minutes, but it seemed hours. She would soon be here and for some reason I thought that would make everything alright. As if just the presence of her would show these people I was not a freak. I was not something of which to be frightened. I was not there to compromise their prejudices, nor their women.

I became painfully aware how very much I needed to use the restroom. What to do? I somehow knew were I to make my way to the ladie’s room, it would invite unwelcome and belittling slurs. I knew were I to enter the men’s room, I would flat-out have menacing company. I opted not to go at all, but my body knew not that option.

I slid from my booth, heading for the ladie’s room. As suspected, this caused others great glee. They were emboldened and made no effort to mutter any longer. Their hurtful words trailed after me as I made my way through the bathroom door. As I hovered over the seat in the stall, I heard the door open. I was terrified and wondered how long I might be able to stay in this little space. What awaited me if, and when, I was to open the stall door. It was ridiculous really. Standing in there, thinking about never leaving, considering options that were nonsensical and fostered by fear.

I opened the stall door to find one of their women leaning against a sink. She was tall, and had she not followed what I was certain was a path of hedonism and debauchery, she might have been pretty. She stared at me. I looked back and tried to offer a smile. I moved to a sink to wash my hands. She spoke. She assured me these guys were just drunk and nothing but all talk, just having fun. She told me her sister was gay and she loved her sister. It seemed such an odd, one-sided conversation. She, telling me these things, me, wanting to get away. She reached out and touched my arm. I was so taken aback I nearly fell yet I stood there, paralyzed. It was this moment another of the insulting party entered the room. There we were, me, with what I was sure was horror written all over me, and she, staring at me, her hand resting on my arm. The new arrival turned immediately and was surely returning to those men. I could only guess what she was to tell them. Was this woman, the woman touching me, brave enough to tell the truth?

I had to get out of there. My friend would have to understand. I made my way out the bathroom door. The pool players were now in a circle whispering and once again, all heads turned my direction as I headed for the front door. I exited the building and moved quickly to the safety of my car. I almost made it too.

I was grabbed from behind. I could smell the sour beer and cigarettes as he accused me of trying to ‘fuck’ his girl. I wanted to defend myself but I knew. I knew it would not matter what I said. I had this coming from the time I stepped in that place. It was inevitable. I figured they would beat me up and I would go on my way. It had happened before, probably would happen again, and I knew that while painful, and not just for injury sake, I would recover.

I was cast to the ground. I saw the gleam of metal as the sun found the knife held in his hand. There were so many of them. Some just held me down, urging their friend onward. Some touched me, asking me if I liked it, assuring me their touch was what I had needed all my life. A couple just stood idly by, watching the show. I hated them the most, the watchers, too afraid to participate, too afraid to help.

I was now certain this was to be the end of me. I attempted to ready my mind for the last breath I was to take. I had done nothing but be me. I had done nothing but come to meet a friend. I had done nothing, and with so many surrounding me, there was nothing I could do.

He brought the knife close to my face. I looked into his eyes. If he were going to kill me, he was going to remember me. I remember thinking how important that was for me for some reason. I wanted to try to make him know me before he ended me. I became obsessed with this thought and it almost made me laugh aloud.

The knife found my hair. He began sawing at it, scattering handfuls of it to the wind. Telling me maybe if I would made ugly I might not go around trying to hit on women that didn’t belong to me. Still terrified, I came to understand that perhaps I was not to die this day.

Sometime during this haircut, my friend arrived. I don’t really remember as my thoughts were elsewhere. She knew one of these men from her days at this place. She convinced them to stop, to let me be. I was her friend and therefore I was ‘cool’. They moved away a bit, making certain to spit on me as they realized their fun was over. She helped me to my feet, dazed and exhausted, I could barely stand. I was bloody, battered, and alive. My hair, fluttered about the parking lot, as if little pieces of my person I would never get back.

My friend helped me into my car. She wanted to take me to the police. She wanted these men prosecuted. I did not. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be as far away from every living being I could. I wanted to be somewhere different, someone different. But wasn’t being someone different what had caused this to begin with? She did not want to let me drive but I assured her with the exception of some scrapes and bruises, and a truly bad haircut, I would be fine. I just needed to be left alone.

As I started my car, and pulled from the parking spot, movement in one of the trucks caught my eye. It was the woman from the bathroom. She sat alone. I could see tears in here red and swollen eyes. As I passed, her lips formed the words “I’m sorry”. I thought of our moment in the restroom, and not only did I believe her, I felt as though she had the worst end of this whole thing. After all, I could walk away, I didn‘t feel as though she felt she could, and that thought, hurt me more than anything those men might have done.

[Lady Pamela]

Most definately..but most has eiter been due to me being femme..sexual harrassment..out of the blue..Or due to being a lesbian..though most can't tell.
Like when I was holding someones hand or stepped out of the club with others.

Will explain that later when I am not rushed for time.
But femmes have it alot due to sexual issues I have found. And butches in my own experience have it due to being with femmes or because they often show butchness.

Should not matter either way.
And as a femme who has had this alot in my life. I find it sickning that just because someone has an ass or boobs or whatever, that this happens.

spouting off sorry..lol

Last summer this just happened to me because I have breasts..2 men on the street started spouting off about stuff..I made a ruckus to make people pay attention. They touched me I freaked...Then they said I shouldnt flaunt em. Not in those words...I was wearing a regular t shirt btw..I can not help it if my breasts are noticable. Nor should I have to hide such.

Sorry soft spot in my mind I guess,,,lol

More later. Chow for now...smiles

[foxyshaman]

As they held me down, he talked of killing me, of teaching me a lesson, I was told I would be left without a hair on my head. It seems if I were going to act like a man, it was their intent to have me look like one. At least that is what they proclaimed as tufts of my hair surrounded me on the pavement beneath my forced resting place.
.

Thank you so very much for sharing your story. You have moved me and made me, oh so very grateful, to be here to read/witness a very real, frightening and painful part of your personal story.

[rustedrims]

WOW..W.M.M

Feel bad for ya..
I never had anything happen to me like that..Mostly i hear the comments but i have also noticed that the people that make the remarks are surrounded by people {their friends?}..What is the sense of looking like a tough guy if no one is around to hear-see it..Bullies travel in pacts and not buy themselves which brings me back to someone has to see them be the "Tough Guy"..

s..

[Gemme]

Yes to harrassment.

Because I'm female, with female bits.

And one tme, because I was at a gay club.

[CherylNYC]

I've been the object of unwanted sexual attention from men since my earliest memories. Stares, offensive comments, daily verbal rape, and hungry hands. You name it, and I've experienced it. It's sooooooo much better now that I'm nearly 50, but I still catch more than my share of disgusting sucking noises and threatening cat calls. Do they think they're complimenting me? I'm always surprised that I haven't aged out yet.

I've been harassed on the street for being a lesbian, but I've never felt as endangered by homophobia as I have from just being female.

[Corkey]

I'd like a definition of street harassment before I vote. Though I'm not a Transman, I am Transgendered so yes this difference is important to me.

[Nat]

this is just one definition I found - from stopstreetharrassment.org:

Street harassment is any action or comment between strangers in public places that is disrespectful, unwelcome, threatening and/or harassing and is motivated by gender. In countries like India and Bangladesh, it’s termed “eve teasing,” and in countries like Egypt, it’s called “public sexual harassment.” Street harassment is a human rights issue because it limits women’s ability to be in public as often or as comfortably as most men.

Types: It ranges from leers, whistles, honks, kissing noises, and non-sexually explicit evaluative comments, to more insulting and threatening behavior like vulgar gestures, sexually charged comments, flashing, and stalking, to illegal actions like public masturbation, sexual touching, assault, and murder.

Gender-based street harassment can intersect with racism, homophobia and transphobia, classism, and/or ableism (as explored in Chapter 3 of the Stop Street Harassment book) to create multi-layered harassment.

Age: Street harassment often begins around puberty. In a 2008 study of 811 women conducted by Stop Street Harassment, almost 1 in 4 women had experienced street harassment by age 12 (7th grade) and nearly 90% by age 19. While street harassment is most frequent for teenagers and women in their 20s, the chance of it happening never goes away and women in their 80s have shared stories.

[deedarino]

this is just one definition I found - from stopstreetharrassment.org:

Street harassment is any action or comment between strangers in public places that is disrespectful, unwelcome, threatening and/or harassing and is motivated by gender. In countries like India and Bangladesh, it’s termed “eve teasing,” and in countries like Egypt, it’s called “public sexual harassment.” Street harassment is a human rights issue because it limits women’s ability to be in public as often or as comfortably as most men.

Types: It ranges from leers, whistles, honks, kissing noises, and non-sexually explicit evaluative comments, to more insulting and threatening behavior like vulgar gestures, sexually charged comments, flashing, and stalking, to illegal actions like public masturbation, sexual touching, assault, and murder.

Gender-based street harassment can intersect with racism, homophobia and transphobia, classism, and/or ableism (as explored in Chapter 3 of the Stop Street Harassment book) to create multi-layered harassment.

Age: Street harassment often begins around puberty. In a 2008 study of 811 women conducted by Stop Street Harassment, almost 1 in 4 women had experienced street harassment by age 12 (7th grade) and nearly 90% by age 19. While street harassment is most frequent for teenagers and women in their 20s, the chance of it happening never goes away and women in their 80s have shared stories.

Yes to most of the above.

[Bad_boi]

I have been harassed but not for being trans so I voted no.

[Parker]

As they held me down, he talked of killing me, of teaching me a lesson, I was told I would be left without a hair on my head. It seems if I were going to act like a man, it was their intent to have me look like one. At least that is what they proclaimed as tufts of my hair surrounded me on the pavement beneath my forced resting place.

Wow. This* was powerful. Thank you for sharing it.




*the whole story, not just this paragraph - I just quoted the opening paragraph as a space-saver for my post. :)

[mariamma]

StarryEyes,
I may be reading too much into what you wrote but I think she wanted your date. Yeah, she probably hated you and was really projecting that hate. And it might have something to do with your sexuality. But it might have to do with her sexuality as well.
If this is about harassment about being gay, then yes but only one incident I can remember. I was at a restaurant on a date, sitting at the bar just talking. I noticed a woman continually staring at me, but just ignored her. After we were done, my date left and I got in the car and started driving. I felt someone staring at me, and looked over and the same woman from the restaurant was yelling at me in her car. She kept level with me and looked so evil. This was the first time in my life that I felt hated. I will never forget that.

Other than that, stares and such but nothing ever comparable to that, thank goodness!

[mariamma]

WomenMoveMe, what a horrible and powerful story. Butch women get the brunt of the abuse for not being 'feminine' and effeminate men for not being masculine. It's horrid and ugly.

[mariamma]

I used to make out with my GF in her car. I was 18, she was 26, I was attending Humboldt State in Nor Cali. One hot and heavy night, I kept hearing someone shouting something. After a while I realized it was some jocky lil shit yelling "DYKE!" We ignored him. A few nights later, he threw a tennis ball at my GF's car. I looked up and saw that he had about 4 guys with him. They tried to hide in the shadows when I got out.
I reported the harassment, he got a reprimand. A while later, there was an incident with a stranger asleep in my dorm room. Apparently, he was drunk, walked onto the campus and yelled out "Who's the finest chick on campus!" His idea was to seduce the finest chick on campus. Someone...I wonder whom...told him I was and sent him to my room. Mind you, I was not known as the finest chick but as a lesbian who was friendly with the hippies and scorned the jocky lil shits. Everyone heard about that story. I pointed the lil shit out to all who would listen. He didn't come back the next semester though I don't know why.
That was the only lesbian related harassment. Many other issues. Usually they involve being followed by men in grocery stores and what not. I find looking them in the eye with my patented Mom-look-of-death-and-nut-shriveling and ask, "What do you want from me?" leaves them speechless and they go away. Except a few, they all usually lower their eyes and walk away.

[aishah]

i have not been harassed a lot for being queer, but i have been for being a woman. the street harassment was especially bad when i was in undergrad at florida state...i'm not sure why (i've never been thin or cute, and it absolutely had nothing to do with what i was wearing - i dressed very modestly even before i became muslim). it was practically a daily thing, probably exacerbated by the fact that i've always walked and taken the bus so i've been more exposed i guess. it really got to me. when i first converted to islam and began covering, it nearly stopped - the only difference in what i wore was that i covered my hair, which marked me as religious. i did get harassed by strangers and the police a few times for being muslim but it was much less often. since i stopped wearing hijab recently i've gotten catcalls a few times but nothing on the level of the daily sexual harassment i used to deal with (i live near the university of kansas now, so i wonder if it's a geographical thing).

[Arwen]

I voted in the poll...but after doing so, I began to think about it and I realized that I read the word "harassment" and interpreted it to mean anti-gay harassment. I am not sure if that was the correct interpretation. If the question is have I ever been harassed because of my sexual orientation...then the answer is no. However, if the poll is covering other forms of harassment...then yes, I have been harassed since I was 11 years old. I developed very early and, at 11, wore the same bra size that I do now. When I think back on it...it was pretty damn disgusting, because I was OBVIOUSLY not an adult, except for one anatomical characteristic, and the attention I received, particularly from older biological men, was downright disturbing!

Me too. And I've experienced it recently as well. It's really annoying and completely inappropriate. I have to wonder at the home training of some people. Now I will fire back, "Did your mother raise you to speak that way to a woman?" Shuts most of them down.

[apretty]

Usually they involve being followed by Latin men in grocery stores and what not.

I thought that your statement was just about your racism but then I googled and did indeed see Latin men in grocery stores--Look at this one, near the mangos!


http://blog.mlive.com/annarbornews/2008/06/large_MEXICAN%20MARKET%20SML.jpg

That smile surely means he's groped someone in canned goods!

[Melissa]

Phew when I started thinking about it there have been multiple incidents from the general breast staring to being out right asked my bra size to having breasts "accidently" touched or brushed against. I also have found that men will be very inappropriate to waitresses. Some of the worse comments came when I worked as a waitress in a restaurant and also when I worked in a casino. Men seem to think that they have total freedom to make all sorts of comments.

During a street demo for gay rights a woman pulled up in her truck and told us we were all going to hell (she had a probably six or seven year old little girl in the truck with her). I have also been yelled at when entering a gay club from passersby on the street. I have been refused service in restaurants, too. I have also been verbally and physically attacked by family members. urgh. I don't really want to think about it.

I found it all humilitating, disgusting, and ugly. The highest number of incidences are based on my female gender but the most scary and hurtful were based on being gay.

Melissa

[FishIV]

I took the poll to ask about harrassment related to gay bashing.

The answer is yes.......over and over again.

I have been beaten up many times, mostly by police officers (men and women). Also by straight men. The beatings are not just black eyes or scratches, but many broken bones, a gun to my head, dragged down the street and other such incidents.

I am strong and a survivor. The hardest part for me is seeing what it does to my family. They are afraid for me, and when incidents happen....they are consumed.

I do not like that who I am causes them so much worry, stress and sadness.

FishIV

[socialjustice_fsu]

In some ways I am reluctant posting here after reading the horrendous experiences some of you have been through. I have vacillated between anger and tears as I have reread these posts here.

The reason for the reluctance...my experiences have not even come close to some of what has been described. However, I wanted to share how my encounter with my first street harrassment happened. It will be commited to memory for life. I have never been much of a bar girl. Never drank much and would not know the correct way to hold a pool stick if my life depended on it. But I was a tough, young, feminist woman. I decided to stop by the only women's bar in town and just 'be.' It was the first time I had gotten up the nerve to go in there solo. Once I got a place at the bar - even over the music - you could hear the cars speeding by and hatred being verbally hurled toward the bar. I was taken aback by the so open way of this hatred...I danced some, yes, got some phone numbers, gave out my number, etc. When I walked to my car (I was driving a Triumph convertible and yes the top was down) someone had thrown maggot infested, gross, nasty garbage all over the interior of my car. I felt like I had stepped into a syfy scene. I went inside and told them what had happened. All of the butches jumped up to come out and help me clean this mess out. As one masculine woman leaned over the driver's side she looked up at me, stood up, and with her steely blue eyes locked on mine and both of her hands firmly on my shoulders she said, "Tamara, they thought you were one of us, a butch. We go through things like this almost daily just to be who we are." I will never forget that moment in time. I cried for hours.

To read these experiences (WMM, FishIV and all) it makes my heart hurt.
And to think we had hoped to be a kinder, gentler nation.

[Rockinonahigh]

I have had varing degrees of some kind of harrasment or the other over the years,some as little as looks that could stop a clock to down right hate filled comments.Once I went into a store by my house to get ciggies when I smoked.That night I was going to a party adn was dressed in leather pants and jacket with a sequined(sp)tux shirt,any way I went int o get my ciggies and theire was a line at the counter..I took my place in line to pay for them.It was like the parting of the red sea as everyone steped back then the guy at the counter told me how much they were,I paid for the ciggies and left
so as I left some guy said f-in bitch..I must have felt mighty shure of myself caouse I turned to him and said..Dont you ever forget it either!I then went to my car,camly lit up,then drove off.Next time I went in for anything I got an appologie from the owner for the comment made,I accepted his appologie and never had another problem from anyone about it.But,I have been turned down for jobs for being a butch,I have been fired forthe same reason after working at the place for over a year with a spotless record and glowing quarterlie reports when a new manager came on bord the buisness.When I have things like this happen I dont rollover and play dead but I know im a bigger person that they are,so I do my best to move on no mater how hard it is..Recantlya s tonight I had to deal with a bathroom issue at the pool hall,I walked into the room and went into a stall,the two 20 something kids snickered and one said to the other ..I wonder if she stands to pee?About that time one of my cronnies came in and herd the comment,she told them to growup and act like they had some sence and not plain hateful and stupid..needless to say they left quickly.

[Jess]

I used to make out with my GF in her car. I was 18, she was 26, I was attending Humboldt State in Nor Cali. One hot and heavy night, I kept hearing someone shouting something. After a while I realized it was some jocky lil shit yelling "DYKE!" We ignored him. A few nights later, he threw a tennis ball at my GF's car. I looked up and saw that he had about 4 guys with him. They tried to hide in the shadows when I got out.
I reported the harassment, he got a reprimand. A while later, there was an incident with a stranger asleep in my dorm room. Apparently, he was drunk, walked onto the campus and yelled out "Who's the finest chick on campus!" His idea was to seduce the finest chick on campus. Someone...I wonder whom...told him I was and sent him to my room. Mind you, I was not known as the finest chick but as a lesbian who was friendly with the hippies and scorned the jocky lil shits. Everyone heard about that story. I pointed the lil shit out to all who would listen. He didn't come back the next semester though I don't know why.
That was the only lesbian related harassment. Many other issues. Usually they involve being followed by Latin men in grocery stores and what not. I find looking them in the eye with my patented Mom-look-of-death-and-nut-shriveling and ask, "What do you want from me?" leaves them speechless and they go away. Except a few, they all usually lower their eyes and walk away.


CRAIG!!!! You go girl! Big hugs... if I am ever out your way, you owe me a dance ;)

[Parker]

I have been very lucky that I have been in very few physical altercations in my lifetime - I remember a straight guy hanging out in the local dyke dive bar in Fresno picked a fight with me on Halloween night sometime in the mid-90's.

It seemed odd to me that someone who hated dykes would be in a bar filled with them and then pick a fight with one, but he was drunk, got pissed, we had words, and then he grabbed me by the shirt and slammed me down on the pool table (this was when I was very thin - like 135lbs).

Before he could actually hit me, several of my friends started grabbing him, jumping on him, etc, so I just stood up, wrapped him up in a bear hug, picked him up, carried him out the door, and tossed his ass on the sidewalk outside. I was offered the job of bouncer that night. lol

But, like I said, I have been very lucky in that area. I know it and I am thankful for it - especially after reading and hearing some stories others have gone through.

So, I guess my worst incident of harassment came when I was living in Tulsa, OK back in the early 2000's. I played football with a women's contact team down there and we were at a local park holding practice when I heard a bunch of popping sounds. Since it was so close to the 4th of July, I assumed it was early fireworks until someone yelled, "hey - isnt that your car?!"

I looked over to the packed parking lot (I say that bc he chose my car out of dozens - bc mine was the one with gay stickers all over it) and saw a dude with a sledgehammer just fucking whaling on my little car. I mean, he beat the hell out of it - roof, hood, all the windows, etc.

When we all finally realized what was going on, we chased his ass and he took off in (what we later found out was) daddy's car - complete with Christian stickers on the back - while laughing and flipping us off.

One of my team mates was a cop so she immediately called it in and we had like 6-10 witnesses just from our team who saw him, his car, his plates, etc. But nothing ever came of it. The cops said they didnt have enough to pull him in for a line-up and he refused to have his picture taken for a photo line-up.

It all sounded like good ol' boy bullshit to me, but what're you gonna do, right?

The local gay rag did an article on it and took a pic of me with my car - it's posted below. It says Deborah Barnett because that's my birth name - I didnt change my name (legally or otherwise) until 2007, when I finally decided it was "ok" to change my name just because I wanted a name other than the one my parents gave me. :winky:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/318_587776060130_22912279_38778213_3771_n.jpg



Oh god this pic .... this is the weight I would love to get back down to - I was about 200lbs or so here vs the 265lbs or so I am now. :blink:

[StoneOne]

I have no words ..........
I do however feel many things mostly Dark about what happened to U and I am trying to shake them as not to sink to the level of your attackers........ I am very Sorry this happened ......... My hopes are one day we arrive at the Higher Power makes no mistakes and she made you and I

[DeviantDaddy]

Many other issues. Usually they involve being followed by Latin men in grocery stores and what not. I find looking them in the eye with my patented Mom-look-of-death-and-nut-shriveling and ask, "What do you want from me?" leaves them speechless and they go away. Except a few, they all usually lower their eyes and walk away.

I am not sure how to take this. May I ask what exactly you meant by that statement?

[DeviantDaddy]

He brought the knife close to my face. I looked into his eyes. If he were going to kill me, he was going to remember me. I remember thinking how important that was for me for some reason. I wanted to try to make him know me before he ended me. I became obsessed with this thought and it almost made me laugh aloud.

WMW, I'm so saddened by your story. I have chosen this particular part to quote because it resonates within me, for some time I wondered if anyone could understand it.

I recall being knocked to the ground and catching myself by my hands. One of the two had grabbed me from behind unexpectedly and threw me down. I remember getting upset because I landed on the side of the street which was covered in gravel. Resulting in small rocks cutting the palms of my hands and cutting through my jeans. I quickly got back on my feet and turned around to face my assaulter and attempt to figure out what the hell was going on.

I remember seeing two of them as I turned, I couldn't see their faces because it was late at night and the street chase had led us to a dead end. I was more worried about the friend getting dragged out of the car and laying on the ground with three females pounding on her. Yet before I could even register the situation one of their fists landed right in my face. It lit a fire inside me; rage fueled by anger, frustration and hurt. The adrenaline pulsed through me and I began to throw punches. I recall the onslaught of fists hitting my face but at that moment I could not register the pain. All I heard were the taunts.

"Want to be a man? We'll show you."
"Fight like a man if you want to be one."
"You fucking dyke."

It was repetitive, then again, I cant imagine people like that having much more to say. But I do remember the feeling of humiliation, how dare these strangers do this? Not knowing me, let alone having any reason to do this. I threw harder punches and did everything in my power to stand strong. I would not allow them to put me down, I couldn't - I just couldn't. We boxed, punch after punch. One swung, the next swung and I would come back and swing.

I'm not sure how long that went on for but by the time they all ran back to their vehicle I remember going back to ours. The friend who had gotten dragged out managed toclimb back into the passenger seat. I jumped into the backseat, locked my door only to turn around and find my friend's little.brother beside me crying. His lip had been cut open and blood was spilling out of his mouth. Apparently another male had opened the backdoor and punched him in the mouth so hard that his braces cut right through his lip.

I remember blocking out his sobs and the commotion in the car to simply tell the driver to get us out of there, now. As she pulled out of the dead end, my adrenaline slipped out of my system and the pain hit me like a wall. But the physical pain was secondary. The absolute worse damage had been done to my pride, my self-esteem and my Psyche.

I remained silent the rest of the trip, not saying a word. I snuck into my house as quiet as possible. Went into the bathroom and washed my face carefully. I laid on my bed and tried to fight the tears yet failed. Staring up at the ceiling I cried silently until I fell into a deep sleep.

The next day I had to face the day. I walked out of my room yo face my parents, who took one look at me and were left speechless. The look of horror and concern is forever burned into my mind. I walked into the restroom to face myself in the mirror. The entire right side of my face was simply one huge bruise, along with half my mouth swollen to three times its size. I could not open my right eye at all because it was swollen shut, completely. The left eyebrow was now scabbed over. I felt so much anger, and shame, overcome me. Like a tidal wave washing over me, as I struggled to find air. I contacted my job and took a week leave. I couldn't face the world.

That has been the worst, physical harassment I have encountered. The stares, the whispers and random insults are part of my everyday encounters.

Do I face harassment? Everyday of my life.

But not once will I allow it to silence me again of bring me shame.

[~ocean]

when i was very young i was working at a clothing mfg'ing company. I soon became the compnay expediter. part of my job was to go to every foreman and push certain orders threw the production line. I have always been a friendly person and i didnt run around screaming it nor did i look like i was gay. This compnay hired manily italian ppl .. one year i was w. my g.f i just started dating , a tall handsome black butch, one night we both went into Bostons st, anthony feast. I had seen many of my co workers
but i stayed to myself. That next monday morning in work the men in the pressing room began yelling slurs at me about being a nigger lover etc, ( no offense ) wich fllowed later on that week w. spitting in my hair and ob my back. then my boss. got a letter someone sent using letters from a magazine saying i was a lesbian. then graffiti at the apartment i was living at. all over teh sidewalks and porches. of course i became scared,being a small femme i felt vulnerable.i went to my boss to help me,then one night, on my last visit to teh pressing room, for orders to be shipped, 6 men cornered me onteh steps, they grabbed eachothers wrists so i couldnt get passed ,, they were saying all kinds of dirty things @ me, and spitting ,, they started to close in ,, i had nowhere to run, then i heard the elevator door open ,, i screamed, and on of the foreman came into teh stairwell and seen what they were doing to me, he broke up the men ,, and they threaten to rape me, i quitt that night and moved, the next week it being the first, my boss called me up pleading to go back to work there , he said i suspended afew w orkers, that were responsibale forthat treatment ,, i declined knowing ,, it would have never been safe, I still to this day wont go where there r men who gather.

[mustangjeano]

Wow, these stories are sad and horrifying. I have had more than a few dirty looks and comments but nothing phisically threatening. One time I walked into a women's bathroom and two strait women looked at me and said "you are in the wrong bathroom--it was embarassing. Another time I was approaching the entrance to a gay bar and a car full of young guys yelled "faggot" . I laughed at them and yelled back "Your sister loves it"

[~ocean]

lol good comeback .. but u got lucky my friend !

[deedarino]

I keep coming back to this thread and it keeps breaking my heart. This is a reminder of how dark and mean people can be.

As a gay person, and femme, most of my experience with gay harrassment has been when I was with someone; glares, whispers, a few words here and there, once a man followed us pounding one hand into the other...this was the only time I was scared. Overall, my life as a woman prepared me for this kind of thing and by now, I am pretty tough.

As a woman though, I have been a sex object since I can remember...this became especially apparent when I "blossomed" around the age of 10. From then on, I could never escape the looks, stares, comments, brushes, innuendos, and intrusions into my space. I was never comfortable with my sexuality and did many things to hide from this "power" I didn't want or know how to deal with. I tried to hide with clothes and when that didn't work, I tried to hide with other things. Some didn't work, only made things worse, some did work, too well.

Once I was standing outside a bar, waiting for my ride who had just went around the corner to get the car. A man came up to me to ask for directions, I tried to give him what he wanted. Actually that wasn't what he wanted at all as it turns out. I always thought I was so strong but this night I realized how vulnerable I was. The man dragged me toward the alley, I am pretty sure that my screaming and kicking should have been enough to let him know I wasn't interested but he insisted. It's amazing how you can disconnect in times like these when you know it is done, there is nothing you can do.

In that instant, my friend finally pulled up in the car and saw me...if he would have been even one minute later.

I have become strong enough to know it is ok to tell someone to fuck off...there was a time though, when good girls don't do things like that...I'm not a good girl anymore.

[Gemme]

That was the only lesbian related harassment. Many other issues. Usually they involve being followed by Latin men in grocery stores and what not. I find looking them in the eye with my patented Mom-look-of-death-and-nut-shriveling and ask, "What do you want from me?" leaves them speechless and they go away. Except a few, they all usually lower their eyes and walk away.

This compnay hired manily italian ppl ..

Mariamma was taken to task and corrected her post and I appreciate and thank her for that, but can we all just leave the specific nationalities out of our stories?

It boils down to people. People who threaten us and are threatened by us, for whatever their personal reasons are. Why do we have to point out that this guy was this and that woman was that? What does it add to our story and what does it say about us?

[Ebon]

I've been called a faggot quite a few times but thats it.

[JoSchmooze]

As most of you who know me from this site, I served 10 years in the Army, in the medical field. But this was back in the day when it wasn't even "don't ask, don't tell". I had already been through several "witch hunts" where the Army brass investigated service people for being gay or lesbian. We always said to each other that it they "saw" us in a gay or lesbian bar, then they would also have to explain why they were there.

I was stationed at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington D.C. for almost 2 years. There were all kinds of gay and lesbian bars at the time in downtown D.C. One particuliar bar was close to the Marine Corps Barracks, but we thought nothing of going there, as long as we went with at least one other person if not a group. On one Saturday night, close to closing time, a group of us walked out and were ready to cross the street to our vehicles when we heard a group of guys behind us yelling at us "fucking dykes" and "you just need a real man" (a couple of the women with us with definitely femmes) and things of that nature.

I turned to see what was going on as the rest of our group kept walking. They were obviously Marines and obviously drunk. I tried to defuse the situation by calling out the Marine "ooooo-rah" and "Siemper Fi", but they advanced and flanked me (probably about 5-6 guys) as if they were on the battlefield. The taunting continued with slaps on my arms and shoulders and pushing me back and forth between them, and punching at my abdomen. In what seemed like forever, one finally balled up a fist and smacked me in the face, breaking my nose. The blood gushed down my face and my hands instantly when to my face. One of the guys got this horrified look on his face and started yelling at his buddies to stop.

The other thing that some here do not know is that I served 13 months in Vietnam - as a medic on med evac choppers. I was one of the few female medics who would actually go into hot landing zones to pick up wounded soldiers and thsoe who had not made it.

As I was backing away from the group of Marines, I came back with the witty retort " Fuck all of y'all.....you just beat up someone who one day might have saved your life." The rest of the group had safely made their way across the street to the vehicles. One of them ended up taking me to Walter Reed where I lied through my teeth, telling the ER personnel that I had tripped on a curb and had done a face plant.

Does it end now? No, but it is a bit more subtle....In airports and some resturants I am called "sir" all the time, but when I walk into the ladies' room I am met with the "deer in the headlights" look. Once, a much older woman walked in while I was washing my hands. She looked back at the sign on the door and then at me....As I walked past her out the door I told her...."don't worry, grandma,I got a virginia just liike you".....

[Scorp]

Jo, I'm reading your post and feeling awful at a lot of things you were subjected to. But, I have to say, I'm laughing at (the "grandma" tongue lashing you gave). Good for you!!!

Thanks for sharing all of the story, and I'm sorry you were subjected to such hate and glad you're here with us today to share not only your presence, but your story.

Much love to you brotha,

-S-


but when I walk into the ladies' room I am met with the "deer in the headlights" look. Once, a much older woman walked in while I was washing my hands. She looked back at the sign on the door and then at me....As I walked past her out the door I told her...."don't worry, grandma,I got a virginia just liike you".....

[Arwen]

Wow, these stories are sad and horrifying. I have had more than a few dirty looks and comments but nothing phisically threatening. One time I walked into a women's bathroom and two strait women looked at me and said "you are in the wrong bathroom--it was embarassing. Another time I was approaching the entrance to a gay bar and a car full of young guys yelled "faggot" . I laughed at them and yelled back "Your sister loves it"

This reminded me of a time a lover and I were sitting on the steps outside a gay bar in the Flats (an area in Cleveland). A car of boys went by yelling, "Faggot."

She and I both turned around but no one was behind us. They came back around and did it again.

I yelled, "NO, DYKE"

The look on their faces was priceless.

For some reason, they did not come back. :D

[iamkeri1]

These stories sicken me. So much progress has been made in my lifetime, yet the personal danger remains even despite this progress. When one supposedly "human" being decides that the life of a queer person is offensive to them in one way or another, and that it is OK to threaten and/or harm this queer person.

On one hand I want to apologize to you all over and over and over for these horrible things that have been done to you. On the other hand, I would like to wrap my arms around you all, pat your heads and hands and comfort you.

The beauty of queerfolk is so strong in my heart that I am shocked each and every time someone chooses to see other than that beauty.

Smooches,
Keri

[AtLast]

Yes. Sexual assault, two physical attacks and many incidences of verbal harrassment- based upon both being a woman and queer.

[Christy51274]

Yes to harrassment.

Because I'm female, with female bits.

And one tme, because I was at a gay club.
@Gemme: Would you care to elaborate?

[starryeyes]

Was harassed a few days ago on my birthday :( Justin and I were at our favorite sushi restaurant, hugging and kissing and doing what we do ( but not over the top). These people came to sit next in the next booth, and proceeded to argue about who wold sit facing us and have to "look at that". Then, the poor unfortunate bitch who had to (poor thing), gave me disgusting looks the whole time. When we were done, I stood up and walked to their table and said " I hope someday you will open your minds and have a little bit of fucking class". They looked at me like " omg how dare you what are you talking about!?". I really wish I did not use foul language in my confrontation, but I was so heated up. But, at the same time, I wish I said more and really lashed out.. Lol. Ugh. Stupid ignorant people.

[Breathless]

Back in the day, chokes me up even to think about it now. I was at a meet the teacher night with my two kids. It was held in the school gym, a dinner put on by the teachers, and i swear every single person in town was in attendance. My son was about 7 and my daughter 4. Big round tables, barely any seating left, the place was full. A couple with their 3 children were standing against the wall with no where to sit. When my husband and I were together, we were kind of a best friends couple. I hung out with D the wife, all the time, we would watch each others kids, take shopping trips together, just basically hung out 4 out of 7 days a week. She was one of my closest friends. My husband and her husband M worked together, and had been friends since kids. I had not talked to her since the day before I left my husband, I didnt know what to say. Anyway.. I had left the table I was sitting at to go and grab a coffee refill from one of the banquet tables with my daughter, my son had stayed at the table to watch the program being put on by the teachers. When I returned to the table D and M and their children were sitting at the table I was at. I thought, here is my chance to break the ice, so I said hi! nice to see you guys here, with a big smile on my face. D stood looked me right in the eye and said.. your kind of people disgust me! The chatter in the entire gym was instantly silent. D then said, you are going to burn in hell. My little daughter tugging on my arm say mommy what kind of people? I whispered to my daughter, happy people honey.. and sat back down. D and M took their children from our table like i had a plague or something, everyone was staring.. I wanted to much to run from the gym, I can still feel the heat of the red of embarrassment that my face must have glowed with. The silence continued. Fake smiling, I had just wished it would have stopped. I moved to a bigger city with my children about a month later.

[Deborah]

Yes I have and it's always been when I was with a partner (due to my looks that is the only indicator that I'm queer)....

It could range from Stares, Glares, saying voyeur type stuff, to smirks of icky thoughts...or on more than one occasion waiting till I was away from partner (like walking at flea market etc) and saying something about being with a 'real man' of which I would reply "really do you know one....cause a 'real man' wouldnt walk up to me and say something so ignorant"

I know it could be a lot worse and has been for some people...which makes me sick and angry!

[starryeyes]

Lisa and I were driving to San Fran last weekend, and pulled off at a gas station somewhere in the middle of nowhere at like midnight. There was a car full of guys next to us, and when I got out there were all staring at me and being gross. Lisa got out and walked over to me, taking me hand and walked me into the store. All of the sudden, these guys laid on the horn.. and started yelling. I was SO scared. We went into the store and I had all these visions of them spitting on our car, doing something to the car, or waiting for us until we came out again. It didn't seem to phase Lisa though, she was just like whatever... stupid idiots. Fortunately they left, but that will definitely stick with me for a long time.

[Soft*Silver]

yes, yes I have. By other dykes.

I was much more overweight than I ever was at the time. I was walking into a lesbian bar and some dykes that were in the patio started calling out names to me. I was appalled and embarassed, and felt betrayed because my own kind were turning against me.

however, my good friend had come in with me and she was a knock out of a busty blonde who turned up the heat anywhere she went. she grabbed my face and planted a huge tongue kiss on me!

They were floored...they assumed i had a hot gf, even tho I was fat.

I was floored, one because my friend had kissed me, and two, OMG she was a femme and i was so not into femmes then! LOL

Not all lesbians are "in tune" or politically correct. Some are just assholes. And picking on the fat femme was fun for their drunken selves...

[Quintease]

Back in the day, chokes me up even to think about it now. I was at a meet the teacher night with my two kids. It was held in the school gym, a dinner put on by the teachers, and i swear every single person in town was in attendance. My son was about 7 and my daughter 4. Big round tables, barely any seating left, the place was full. A couple with their 3 children were standing against the wall with no where to sit. When my husband and I were together, we were kind of a best friends couple. I hung out with D the wife, all the time, we would watch each others kids, take shopping trips together, just basically hung out 4 out of 7 days a week. She was one of my closest friends. My husband and her husband M worked together, and had been friends since kids. I had not talked to her since the day before I left my husband, I didnt know what to say. Anyway.. I had left the table I was sitting at to go and grab a coffee refill from one of the banquet tables with my daughter, my son had stayed at the table to watch the program being put on by the teachers. When I returned to the table D and M and their children were sitting at the table I was at. I thought, here is my chance to break the ice, so I said hi! nice to see you guys here, with a big smile on my face. D stood looked me right in the eye and said.. your kind of people disgust me! The chatter in the entire gym was instantly silent. D then said, you are going to burn in hell. My little daughter tugging on my arm say mommy what kind of people? I whispered to my daughter, happy people honey.. and sat back down. D and M took their children from our table like i had a plague or something, everyone was staring.. I wanted to much to run from the gym, I can still feel the heat of the red of embarrassment that my face must have glowed with. The silence continued. Fake smiling, I had just wished it would have stopped. I moved to a bigger city with my children about a month later.

Ok, so your son was sitting at the table, so obviously they knew that you were also at the table. What were they waiting for, to confront you?

There is a fantastic article out there that everyone should read. It's called 'I'm Christian unless you are gay' (http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html). There are a whole bunch of responses (http://www.danoah.com/category/im-christian-unless-youre-gay/) to it as well.