A kiss is just a kiss

[tantalizingfemme]

So, I have an 18 year old son who will ocassionally allow me to kiss him; usually it is a congratulations, happy holidays or goodbye kiss.

Throughout his life, I was always very affectionate with him, as I grew up in a home with very little affection. As an adult, I have become more comfortable giving a hug or kiss to another adult with whom I am not partnered with.

So here is my question. When you kiss another adult, not a partner, but a family member or friend, do you kiss them on the lips or cheek? I kiss my son on the lips, as I did my father when he was alive, and family members and friends. Now, there are people where it is a cheek kiss, but I am very comfortable with kissing on the lips too. Is it odd?

I have had a conversation recently where the other person thought it was odd that I kiss my son on the lips, and I thought it was odd that I wouldn't.

I am curious as to other peoples thoughts and experiences on this.

[MrSunshine]

Inappropriate. I just had this conversation last night. I believe after age, baby, it's no longer acceptable to kiss on the mouth unless it's a lover.

[tantalizingfemme]

Inappropriate. I just had this conversation last night. I believe after age, baby, it's no longer acceptable to kiss on the mouth unless it's a lover.

Why do you think kissing on the lips is so intimate? I kissed my father and grandparents on the lips.... I would have never associated that kiss with an intimate kiss with a partner.

[MrSunshine]

I didn't say it was intimate. I said it was inappropriate.

I actually have had this conversation many times with sisters and lovers about their children. I just feel there is nothing "right" about letting a child (or you doing it) kiss your mouth. I haven't known or met anyone so far that disagreed.

[tantalizingfemme]

I didn't say it was intimate. I said it was inappropriate.

I actually have had this conversation many times with sisters and lovers about their children. I just feel there is nothing "right" about letting a child (or you doing it) kiss your mouth. I haven't known or met anyone so far that disagreed.

okay, so what is inappropriate about it? To say it is only okay to kiss a lover on the lips, to me, insinuates that kissing on the lips is an intimate act; sexually intimate. Maybe I am reading you incorrectly?

[Thinker]

We (my siblings and I) kissed our mother and father on the lips......hello, goodbye, goodnight kisses.....even as adults.

I remember seeing my adult nephew (then in his early 30s) kiss his father on the lips (hello greeting kiss).

These are quick pecks; nothing more than that.

There are families where that is the norm, and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. In my opinion, it's only inappropriate if something inappropriate or illegal is going on.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I kiss my cubs on the lips, cheek, hands or I still do a lil "muah" on their owies. Im affectionate with the cubs since when I was a kid there was no affection.

There are some friends I'd lip smooch with once again it's cultural a kiss on the mouth is not frowned upon or looked upon as anything other than a greeting, affection, salutations.


I know it's not often seen in American culture.

[genghisfawn]

Snow made a good point about what's acceptable in cultural context... My family kisses on the lips (even grown men kiss their grown men friends on the lips) because people with Ukrainian heritage are very sentimental and loving that way.

[grenade]

I didn't say it was intimate. I said it was inappropriate.

I actually have had this conversation many times with sisters and lovers about their children. I just feel there is nothing "right" about letting a child (or you doing it) kiss your mouth. I haven't known or met anyone so far that disagreed.

I disagree. :) I'm not sure where you're from but in a lot of places it's cultural to kiss on the lips and to not do so would be offensive.

I kiss family members on the lips. Aunts, Uncles, Father, Brother. Always have, always will. It's just how we do. I kiss my children on the lips and will continue for as long as they let me. For now, I get big brown eyes looking up at me and a pouty little set of puckered lips if I try a quick forehead kiss. Im hoping this never changes.

She's been gone 18 years but I can close my eyes and still recall my mother's lips. The way she pressed them to my forehead or a gentle peck on my lips. I'm so thankful for this specific memory. It calms me sometimes when nothing else can. Kisses are good, sometimes they last forever.

[princessbelle]

I've never really thought about this before. Good thread.

I believe it's just how you were taught or brought up, right? Traditions in our families and how we were taught to kiss seems to just keep flowing to the next generations, at least for the most part.

I only kiss my partner on the lips. For one thing, i'm sorta a germ freak, and germs can be transmitted by saliva and i don't want to catch or receive anything, especially from Uncles and Aunts and stuff...just my hangup.

As far as my kids, i've always just kissed on the cheeks, but again if i had been raised to kiss on the lips i would continue to do so. There is nothing icky about that or wrong or inappropriate in my book. I think it's just what you are used to doing.

A kiss is a sign of affection, not intimacy. We all love many people. There is nothing wrong with the way any of us do it, IMO.

We do way more hugging in my "family" than kissing. I dare say we hug about everyone that walks in our doors.

My little momma i kiss on top of the head, cause, well, she is about 4'10 and that's just handy for me. :)

[JustJo]

My immediate family was not at all affectionate growing up...no hugs, no kisses, no "I love you's."

When I had my son, my natural affectionate nature came out...and there were lots of hugs and kisses and cuddles....and yes, kisses on lips, cheeks, foreheads, and owies.

Somewhere around age 12 he stopped offering lips to kiss and started giving me a cheek instead. I respected that....they are his lips after all....and once jokingly kissed the top of his head instead.

He loved that.

Now, even though he's taller than me and has to bend over so I can, he gives me the top of his head to kiss goodnight. He's a big hugger too....so I get everything from the very supportive, loving hugs when my mother passed, to his famous "bone crushing Rooster hugs." I did draw the line at the "knock Mom off her feet" hugs though......I'm getting too old for that!

I don't think it's inappropriate to kiss on the lips....depends on the people and the culture. I don't kiss, except for my partner, but that's just a personal preference.

[JAGG]

I have always kissed my father, and grandmother on the lips and so have my siblings. I still do kiss my dad on the lips, and if my grandmother was alive her as well. As an adult, I also kiss my siblings on the lips . Same way a child kisses you on the lips, there is nothing sexual or sensual about it. I kissed my grandmother goodnite every night , until I left home. Nothing about it seems weird to me. Just a gesture of love and respect. I never gave it much thought until now. I also have a few very close friends I kiss too.

[MrSunshine]

Interesting. It's funny, I was never told not to or taught that. It's how I feel personally.

[PinkieLee]

Another kisser here!

I see my parents all the time, and everytime I say goodbye to them I hug, give them a kiss on the lips and say I love you.

This also is true with friends that I don't get to see very often and goodbyes are always emotional. Some get quick kisses on the lips, others it's the peck on the cheek.

But then again, I'm a big hugger... and even with my friends that I see everyday I hug them goodbye & tell them I love them.

Yeah, I'm a big ol' mush bucket!

[Gráinne]

I never kissed my parents on the lips, but they weren't demonstrative physically.

My daughter (13) will do that, always has, and I never thought anything of it. It's certainly not sensual, only affectionate. Some close friends, also, male and female.

My son, ever since he was 10, has flatly refused any kisses at all. I miss being affectionate, but it's his body. He will let me muss his hair.

[Amber2010]

I agree with Princessbelle, I also think it is what you have grown up with. In my family we didn't do much in affection then I met my dad's side of the family "divorce of course" they are pure italian and wow they hug and kiss and it felt so weid to me. Now I can kiss family and friends without feeling strange about it. I have a teen son who gives me the eye roll every time I do it in front of family so I try to respect that but as long as it feels good in your family and with your friends I don't see anything wrong with a kiss or a hug. :)

[iamkeri1]

We are big kissers in my family. Parents, aunts uncles, cousins, all got kisses - lips or cheeks - and still do. We sit comfortably with our arms around each other as well. My daughter started resisting lip kisses at about age 12, but hugs easily. My sons (all grown) will still give me a quick greeting kiss hello (or on New Year's Eve as that is our family custom.)

No big deal, nothing sexual about it. And I will say, additionally, that kids can differentiate between "good" kisses and bad kisses. My kids are adopted, and at least two of them were sexually molested as toddlers. It has had many effects on their lives in general, but they know who is "safe" and who is not, and they still want those mommy kisses.

I have lots of friends I exchange kisses with, the culture of my church includes kissing (the kiss of peace) and it would feel wierd to not get these kisses I think.

But as others have said, we are the owners of our own bodies and no one should have to endure an unwanted kiss.

Smooches, (but only if you're comfortable with it, LOL)
Keri

[Apocalipstic]

I have have friends I kiss on the lips, some on the cheek, some on both cheeks and some I hug.

Cultural differences. As as child, when we would visit the US, I was told it was inappropriate to kiss people like I do, but being inappropriate in small ways made it even more appealing! :)

Kissing is fabulous! Great thread TF! :rrose::rrose:

[Novelafemme]

We kiss lots in my family. I kiss my girls on the mouth, cheek, forehead, where ever! My biological family is the same way as is my partner's family. All lip kissers. I don't kiss my friends on the mouth, but I am a big cheek kisser and hugger. If it's someone I don't know very well I will ask if I can hug them or just let them know in advance that I'm coming in for a squeeze. :kissy:

[Daktari]

Lip kisser here. Still pucker up for my Pops every week. Always did with my Ma and grannies too. Brothers not. Wider family not. Some chosen family get the lip thang some don't.

Tinkerbell and her four sons (17-26yrs) do lippage too.

[ruffryder]

I don't think its odd at all. I respect whatever differences everyone has. I grew up with this in my family. My mom,grandparents, and aunts all offered kisses on the lips, cheeks and forehead. I do with my teen daughter. Kisses along with hugs and cuddles is just a way to say hello, goodbye, goodnight, and show affection with my family.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I kiss my cubs on the lips, cheek, hands or I still do a lil "muah" on their owies. Im affectionate with the cubs since when I was a kid there was no affection.

There are some friends I'd lip smooch with once again it's cultural a kiss on the mouth is not frowned upon or looked upon as anything other than a greeting, affection, salutations.


I know it's not often seen in American culture.

they are pure italian and wow they hug and kiss and it felt so weid to me. but as long as it feels good in your family and with your friends I don't see anything wrong with a kiss or a hug. :)

It is a cultural thing from my experience; both my Maori and Italian family kissed on the lips and affection was shown freely (this is why I’m an affection bucket, lol!). In my Maori family, we do a Hongi; we press noses and foreheads together and exchange the breath of each other’s life….. It’s our version of a handshake. My closest Whenau (family) always kiss on the lips afterwards.

I will Hongi my English cousin and kiss him on the cheek and very occasionally on the lips; usually at Christmas and Birthday’s.

Friends, I sometimes Hongi and kiss on the cheek depending on their comfort level.

[CA_BabyCakes]

Im a VERY affectionate person, and i kiss my kids on the lips, forehead, cheeks, nose and hands. If i sit on the couch to watch television i am usually surrounded within minutes with my little ones laying all over me. I have never felt even the tinest feeling that it was unappropriate at any time. I do however agree, culture does feed into it, I have been raised surrounded by family and kissed and hugs were always abundant! :gimmehug::cheer::heartbeat::love1::awww:

[SweetJane]

Yes, I think shows of affection are culturally based and we bring customs from our families into our lives.

My family wasn't very affectionate, but when I married, my in-laws were. It was a big step for me to give my mother-in-law and father-in-law pecks on the lips...and even some of the aunts and uncles----all these folks were in their 70s and 80s then. I broadened my cultural experiences.

When I had children, I did give them little pecks on the lips and just about wherever else. As they got older, the kisses became more pecks on the cheek or forehead. Now in their 30s, we've settled into hugs with them and their significant others.

As for my friends, they all know I'm a hugger and a kisser. I've been known to kiss complete strangers on the cheek. Some of my friends will even get friendly pecks on the lips. But more soulful kissing is reserved for those I date.

Again, I think that it's a matter of what your culture requires, how comfortable you are with kissing, and how comfortable those around you are--IMHO

[Chancie]

I'm very physically affectionate, very cuddly, very smoochy, but

I've never had the habit of kissing anyone on the mouth but my lovers.

I love Pete's mother, and I am very happy to be whatever I am to her, but

I am not comfortable when she kisses me on the mouth, and I avert my face.

I hope I haven't hurt her feelings, but for me, it's oogy.

[MsTinkerbelly]

I usually kiss family and close friends on the lips...unless they offer their cheek. It's all good.

A lot of affection in my family growing up, but not everyone is comfortable with my spur of the moment, you just gotta plant one on 'em, kisses. I had a person I was dating nearly fall backwards in his chair when I came around the side and tried to unexpectedly smooch him...never tried THAT again! LOL

[~ocean]

a kiss is a kiss ....is a kiss .. ooolalala :)

[LaneyDoll]

We do way more hugging in my "family" than kissing. I dare say we hug about everyone that walks in our doors.


My family is full of huggers too. :)

Looking back, it seems to me that "we" lost kissing on the mouth after my sister and I were molested by a stepfather. After that happened, my dad seemed uncomfortable with any show of affection. I can't really say that I blame him either, he probably did not want to trigger any memory for us or make us fearful. These days, his body is so fragile that anything more than a light hug may cause him pain.

My kids and I hug; we do the ASL sign for "I love you" when they get out of the car at school; the little ones will kiss me on the cheek and I will return that kiss; my oldest is at that stage where a kiss, even on the cheek, is not going to happen (he is way too cool for that).

As far as extended family, we may or may not hug. My mom & I see each other at least every other day so we really do not hug. But I hug the rest of my family when I see them & when we part ways.

The only person I kiss on the mouth is the one that I am involved with. I think a kiss is intimate-you are sharing your breath, one of the essences of your life.

I have been this way all of my adult life. I am actually a very tactile AND affectionate person. I love a good hug; I welcome a kiss on the cheek or the hand (which I adore); I love a kiss on the forehead from someone I am close to. I do not share kisses on the mouth although I have no problem at all with people who do.

:sparklyheart:

[Christy51274]

It all comes down to what we as individuals are comfortable with. I, too, kissed my father on the lips (a quick peck) growing up. I think it's sad that some people equate kissing with the mouth as always being sexual or erotic. Just as there are different ways to express affection, there are different types of kisses.

My son is 12 and we still kiss on the lips. I respect everyone's feelings regarding this topic, however those who sexualize an act as innocent as this one, probably have their own hang-ups they need to deal with.

Kissing makes us happy!

[laruss]

I did not grow up in an affectionate family and never hugged or kissed anyone except my grandmother who I would hug. I started hugging my mother towards the end of her life , but after her death I actually put myself through self hug therapy. I just decided I needed more affection in my life and many of my friends were huggers. They knew not to hug me as it made me uncomfortable, but I started asking for a hug and slowly became more and more comfortable with it. Now I hug everyone.

I am very affectionate with my friends now and have many I kiss on the lips, others on the cheek. I think a lot of it has to do with what we grew up with and how comfortable we are. I just made the decision that I wanted to be more affectionate.

Unfortunately my kids did not grow up with me being overly affectionate and now I try to make up for it (without going overboard). One is very receptive and the other is a bit more standoffish. So one I lip kiss and the other I cheek or forehead kiss, but I always hug them.

I don't think either is wrong (lips or cheeks for our kids), but as long as both people are comfortable it is fine.

[Quintease]

I do air kisses, mwah mwah!

I actually hate anyone but my partner (or whoever I happen to be sexually involved with) trying to give me lip kisses and it actively creeps me out if I watch other people do it to their children or friends. I really don't like it.

[stargazingboi]

Hmmm ...this thread brings back fond memories indeed. My father’s family wasn’t very affectionate; hugs were and still are ridged. Kisses are brief on the cheek, and I love yous exchanged only as adults, and only after death came knocking and the realization that one doesn’t want to miss saying what is in the heart.

My mother’s side of the family was the extreme opposite. Always touching, sitting on laps, hugging and kissing whenever and whatever was offered (lips, cheek, head, hand, etc). My brothers and I are the same as my mother…very touchy. We lean on each other when sitting near…touch each other just to be touching. My Grammy still counts kisses and hugs…if you don’t give her one (no matter who you are) she’ll count and make you give her two of each on the way out (my mother does the same thing).

I don’t think anything of kissing who ever on the lips, because it’s not intimate to me. To me there is a much different exchange between partners that creates the intimacy. My mother still sits on my lap…kisses my lips…holds my face…and looks into my eyes as only a momma could.

I respect those who live differently and the boundaries they hold...but for me, I adore it and wouldn’t change a thing.

[Novelafemme]

Hmmm ...this thread brings back fond memories indeed. My father’s family wasn’t very affectionate; hugs were and still are ridged. Kisses are brief on the cheek, and I love yous exchanged only as adults, and only after death came knocking and the realization that one doesn’t want to miss saying what is in the heart.

My mother’s side of the family was the extreme opposite. Always touching, sitting on laps, hugging and kissing whenever and whatever was offered (lips, cheek, head, hand, etc). My brothers and I are the same as my mother…very touchy. We lean on each other when sitting near…touch each other just to be touching. My Grammy still counts kisses and hugs…if you don’t give her one (no matter who you are) she’ll count and make you give her two of each on the way out (my mother does the same thing).

I don’t think anything of kissing who ever on the lips, because it’s not intimate to me. To me there is a much different exchange between partners that creates the intimacy. My mother still sits on my lap…kisses my lips…holds my face…and looks into my eyes as only a momma could.I respect those who live differently and the boundaries they hold...but for me, I adore it and wouldn’t change a thing.

I love this so much! I hope my girls always let me kiss and snuggle them. My oldest will be 14 tomorrow and she still gets as close to me as possible and loves to snuggle. And they BOTH will jump in bed with me given the chance.

In fact, my youngest asked my partner if she would like to sleep on the couch one Friday so they could sleep in bed with me instead. ;)

[grenade]

I In my Maori family, we do a Hongi; we press noses and foreheads together and exchange the breath of each other’s life….. It’s our version of a handshake.


This is just beautiful.

I'd carry tic tacs though. :)

[Mr Nice Guy]

Kiss on the cheek. Sometimes just a hug.

[UofMfan]

We Colombians kiss most everyone on the cheek.

Hugs are pretty common too.

[Reader]

Interesting thread. My family is very affectionate, too. We use terms of endearment. We hug. We say the L word (love, I mean!). We kiss the cheek each time we see our sibs, cousins, family friends, etc....but it's always on the cheek.

[Guy]

I automatically offer a cheek or give a kiss on the cheek.

Although if a family member offer their lips, I do without a second thought.

[Sparkle]

<----- wanton family & friend lip-kisser

My mother's side of the family (that I grew up with) were/are very affectionate - free and easy with the kisses on the lips, cheeks, foreheads, hands, eskimo kisses, hugs, arms draped over shoulders, hand holding and lots of other small gestures of affection.

But despite that there is a wide range of preference when it comes to demonstrating affection. My sister and I greet with lip kisses, I hug her husband, my brother and I greet/part with a brief hug and a quiet "love you"; my mother and I cheek kiss/hug combo, her husband and I don't kiss or hug because it makes him uncomfortable. I'm okay with each variation because each is genuine and natural to that relationship.

The children in my life are all very affectionate and get hugs and kisses from me (without reservation).

I don't kiss all of my friends on the lips, but I do with many of those who are closest to me. The way in which I greet or demonstrate affection to a friend or family member is specific to the individual. I have many friends who are very affectionate, and I have friends who prefer no physical touch at all. And plenty who fall in between.

Just like types of love (and loving relationships) are different, types of kisses are different.

[Luv]

Im half latino ,,my family always kisses on the cheek,,if you dont, they think your mad at them lol !

[Soon]

Affection was/is (unfortunately) rare in my family--even a kiss on the cheek is rare.

I have only kissed lovers on the lips.

[RockOn]

I came from a long line of huggers and kissers so I think nothing of a quick kiss on the lips ... even with some of my straight girlfriends I have not seen in a while and am so happy to see again. My family was very affectionate so I am pretty much a "touch you" when I am talking to you too.

[tantalizingfemme]

Thank you for all of the responses!!

I, like many, grew up with a mother who never showed affection (unless we were in front of other people and then it was/is a grand show) and a father who hugged and kissed us freely.

It's interesting because I am extremely uncomfortable even just hugging my mother, brother and sister and yet, with my father it was comforting. I made the decision when my son was born that I was going to give him all the affection he wanted and loved all over him until around 12/13 when to even stand close to him in public was horrifying for him. :) Around 16/17 he "came back around" and now I take my cues from him. He's cute because sometimes I tell him he has to give his mother a hug and he gets that "geez mom you're so embarrassing but I will do this to humor you and make this all stop" look and give me a hug, but he smiles when he walks away.


Honestly, I stopped for a moment when I thought that maybe I was doing something wrong... but many of you have solidified my resolve to keep kissing til he says no more. Thank you for that.

I really appreciate hearing everyone's thoughts on this...

[RockOn]

Kiss him and tell him you love him whenever you can!

The grandmother I loved so much told me:
"If you love someone, tell the person.

Romanic relationships are harder sometimes. I know a femme from my past who will "run rabbit" the hell out of there if I tell her I love her. For, me, I have to pick up on non-verbal signals to learn a femme's comfort/discomfort levels sometimes.

Good idea for a thread! :)

[Novelafemme]

I came from a long line of huggers and kissers so I think nothing of a quick kiss on the lips ... even with some of my straight girlfriends I have not seen in a while and am so happy to see again. My family was very affectionate so I am pretty much a "touch you" when I am talking to you too.

Me too! I have learned to keep my hands to myself because not everyone likes their space interrupted by my need to grope them. ;) I have been totally lost in conversation only to find that I am unabashedly running my fingers through someones hair or rubbing their back. OOPS! Thankfully the people who are my friends know this about me and love me in spite of myself. :)

[pinkgeek]

It is a cultural thing from my experience; both my Maori and Italian family kissed on the lips and affection was shown freely (this is why I’m an affection bucket, lol!). In my Maori family, we do a Hongi; we press noses and foreheads together and exchange the breath of each other’s life….. It’s our version of a handshake. My closest Whenau (family) always kiss on the lips afterwards.

I will Hongi my English cousin and kiss him on the cheek and very occasionally on the lips; usually at Christmas and Birthday’s.

Friends, I sometimes Hongi and kiss on the cheek depending on their comfort level.


:heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:

I'm mostly aclimatized to mainland culture and I forget on the islands how affectionate people are, even people who aren't close. I had to help my Mum and her ladies auxiliary with some stuff this morning and many of the ladies had not met me before. It was kisses and hugs from all the Aunties who have been "waiting forever to meet Beryl's daughter".

My Mum and I still Hongi and kiss both cheeks when I leave the island or come back. My queer family - we kiss, hug, snuggle and are very affectionate.

Excellent topic!!!

[bright_arrow]

I can not really recall if my family was affectionate.. I suppose it was more of a rarity with my immediate family. My mother's family though, we are all huggers. However, I reserve contact for my close friends and family. I am okay when other people try to hug me, I just have to pick up on the cue. I will not try to hug anyone outside of my family, friends have to initiate it.

If someone tried to kiss me on the lips, honestly, it would bother me. I can not pinpoint why exactly, but it would. The kiddo hugs me sometimes and she will go to kiss me on the mouth and I automatically avert but kiss her cheek or the top of her head.

Obviously, I am most affectionate with my partner. I love to hug and hold hands and cuddle, but reserve that part of me for my partner. Sometimes when we visit my family I will cuddle up next to my mom and put my head on her shoulder, but we have not always been like that. My dad is a big hugger now that I've grown, and I like it :)

[WingsOnFire]

[B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=magenta]Smooches, (but only if you're comfortable with it, LOL)
Keri

SMMOOOOCHES SISSY!!! LOL...seriously... I grew up kissing on the cheek not the lips... personally I wouldnt find it intimate at all unless I was intimate with the person. The bear went to kiss me on the cheek and I snuck a kiss on his lips and shocked him lol...but its nothing sexual.

I too believe its cultural or how you were raised. It wouldnt bother me either way. I am very emotional and touchy feely. If I was kissing a lover on the lips and someone who was a friend or family member on the lips it would mean two totally different things to me. I just never really thought about it before..

Thanks for the thread.

[SweetJane]

My family was very affectionate so I am pretty much a "touch you" when I am talking to you too.

I do that, too! Even perfect strangers like at the grocery store IF we get into a conversation about something. Often I'll reach out and touch an arm or a hand. If it's a close friend and the conversation is intense, the touching also gets more intense. Usually, it's to make a point or to soften some words.

[Miss Scarlett]

For me, kissing anyone other than my partner on the lips is not something i'd do. Though a hug or kiss on the cheek is fine.

my parents were very affectionate towards each other but not to us kids. i have no memories of being held, loved or comforted when i was a child. So when they got older and started traveling it felt "creepy" to me when Mom wanted to kiss me good-bye at the airport and tell me "I love you."

[1QuirkyKiwi]

This is just beautiful.

I'd carry tic tacs though. :)

LOL! I just spat my tea out everywhere! :blink: LOL! I've never been keen on family members who have smoked and still do when it comes to doing the Hongi. I do cringe a little and try not to breathe too deeply, lol! Anyone Hongi-ing (not a word) me gets a lovely whiff of ginger, lol!

[tantalizingfemme]

You know, it took me a long time to become comfortable hugging, let alone kissing people. Even though my aunt and uncle (mother's side) and father and paternal grandmother were affectionate with me, I would stiffen if someone hugged me, or hang to the back when everyone was saying goodbye. When I had my son, it was the first time I was able to freely show my affection. When Devon and his little friends would play, they would all seek a hug or a hand to hold on to on the spur of the moment. The openess in which they displayed affection whether it was with me or another adult was so sweet and innocent that I think it helped me become more open to affection from others.

I would have to say that I have become a much more affectionate person the older I get.

[tantalizingfemme]

when Mom wanted to kiss me good-bye at the airport and tell me "I love you."

Yes. Me too. My mother was not a warm person at all, but most of my experiences with her showing affection was always in public, especially in an airport in front of a lot of people. (I moved out when I was 17 and always have lived far from her)

I still get that tightness in my stomach when I think about it, because it always feels phony. (Plus she is always really loud, yelling my name when I am halfway to her.)

[RockOn]

*cracking up about Novelafemme's "grope them" comment*

[1QuirkyKiwi]

:heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:

I'm mostly aclimatized to mainland culture and I forget on the islands how affectionate people are, even people who aren't close. I had to help my Mum and her ladies auxiliary with some stuff this morning and many of the ladies had not met me before. It was kisses and hugs from all the Aunties who have been "waiting forever to meet Beryl's daughter".

My Mum and I still Hongi and kiss both cheeks when I leave the island or come back. My queer family - we kiss, hug, snuggle and are very affectionate.

Excellent topic!!!

My first visit to the UK to study, I had a few unpleasant comments about why couldn’t I keep my hands to myself. It did hurt, then I learned to read the ‘signals’ and go from there. Going from one country to another with different attitudes to touching and being affectionate is stressful; especially when I felt almost straight Jacket-ed because being touchy-feely wasn’t the done thing.

When I meet anyone for the first time, I always take their hand and hold their arm, whilst smiling.

If I should meet any members here, the first thing I’d do after smiling at them, is open my arms for a hug. One of my partners and some dates have told me that I’m overly-affectionate….. They did admit that they weren’t that affectionate.

I’m very kinaesthetic and literally see the world through touch. If I don’t like someone, then I hate being touched be them and touching them.

[tantalizingfemme]

*cracking up about Novelafemme's "grope them" comment*

I had to laugh at this too. When Devon was little, there were very few places that were off limits for tickling and kisses.(The groin area was, of course) He would get belly busters, tushy busters... :)

I remember the days when he wanted to marry me... lol. Now he just wants me to keep being his sugar momma.

[Sparkle]

My first visit to the UK to study, I had a few unpleasant comments about why couldn’t I keep my hands to myself. It did hurt, then I learned to read the ‘signals’ and go from there. Going from one country to another with different attitudes to touching and being affectionate is stressful; especially when I felt almost straight Jacket-ed because being touchy-feely wasn’t the done thing.



I think it is fascinating how much our experiences can vary.

I am a very affectionate person (see previous wanton kissing post) BUT I am a bit shy when meeting new people and it takes me a little while to warm up & feel I know someone well enough to extend an affectionate gesture.

I was taken aback when I first moved to the UK to find that people were so affectionate with out really knowing me/having met me before - warm hugs & cheek kisses (instead of handshakes) were the normal introductory exchange and bigger hugs and enthusiastic cheek/lip kisses were the standard after that -- and it surprised me. Perhaps I was just adopted by a very affectionate group of people. I acclimated quite quickly, of course, :) but it was completely contrary to what I expected from the stereotypical stiff upper lip British reserve.

[Nurse Darlin]

Y girls are 15, 12, and 6. They all 3 kiss me on the lips with no hesitation. Many of my family member kiss me on the lips as well. I have few friends that do, but, maybe its because they don't know how I would feel about it. Who knows? I think its sweet and appropriate for someone you have a nice friendship of close family bond with. I hope my kids never get tired of kissing their Mommy!

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I think it is fascinating how much our experiences can vary.

I am a very affectionate person (see previous wanton kissing post) BUT I am a bit shy when meeting new people and it takes me a little while to warm up & feel I know someone well enough to extend an affectionate gesture.

I was taken aback when I first moved to the UK to find that people were so affectionate with out really knowing me/having met me before - warm hugs & cheek kisses (instead of handshakes) were the normal introductory exchange and bigger hugs and enthusiastic cheek/lip kisses were the standard after that -- and it surprised me. Perhaps I was just adopted by a very affectionate group of people. I acclimated quite quickly, of course, :) but it was completely contrary to what I expected from the stereotypical stiff upper lip British reserve.

In my experience it depends where in the UK you are..... My first time here I was living in Richmond-Upon-Thames (very posh ara) as I was studying at Hampton Court Palace and there, people are very stiff upper lip and all that. When I moved to Windsor a few months later people were more open mainly due to all the tourists for the Castle.

I moved to Henley-on-Thames in Oxford (to get away from tourists) and got the stiff upper lip again, until the locals got know me. Scotland and East London and East Anglia people are more like Octopus's, lol!

[cinderella]

I'm afraid I have to disagree with you on this one, LS. Like you, I am of Hispanic descent, and to me - as well as the rest of my family - kissing on the mouth is something very intimate, and reserved for lovers.

I grew up with tons of affection, and I in turn am just as affectionately demonstrative. My immediate and extended family are very 'kissy-huggy'. We grew up that way. My mom was always showing her affection to us kids - she loved us to death - sometimes a bit too much, lol. We, all of my family members, never kissed on the lips - always on the cheek. I personally think the kissing on the lips is more an American custom. I always find it strange when I see family members kissing on the lips, and am never comfortable with it. I truly believe it to be a cultural thing.

I kiss my cubs on the lips, cheek, hands or I still do a lil "muah" on their owies. Im affectionate with the cubs since when I was a kid there was no affection.

There are some friends I'd lip smooch with once again it's cultural a kiss on the mouth is not frowned upon or looked upon as anything other than a greeting, affection, salutations.


I know it's not often seen in American culture.

[Ginger]

I learned to be comfortable with and express more extravagant forms of affection when I was in my twenties in Los Angeles and became close to a number of gay men. They hugged me, kissed me on the lips, called me pet names, touched my hair, my clothes, my face. It was a happy time.

[MarineCorps1]

Also a lip kisser. Kiss my mom on the lips. Kissed my grandparents on the lips when they were alive.