social cues

[lesbrarian]

Does anyone else have trouble.. signalling their orientation and gender identity to other lesbians?

I realize that sounds kind of odd, but it's something I struggle with a lot. There is nothing distinctly queer about the way I present myself, and I feel like this is something that's important in meeting other queers because it's really awkward to just announce HI I'M GAY, ARE YOU?

This probably aligns itself in a lot of ways to femme invisibility. I see lots of other lesbians day to day on the bus and the street and on campus and I wish there was just some way of making some small connection that says "Hey! I recognize you and we have something in common!"

[Gráinne]

I look like SoccerMom. In fact, for a long time, I was one :). And while being gay certainly isn't all I am, it's an obviously big part. I also don't introduce myself with "Hi, I'm gay!" So I get it.

The only time anyone is sure, is at Reunion or Pride (but many straight people go to Pride, so that's not even a good example).

If you are in college, there's probably a GLBQ club on campus and you can find community there. Some find the courage to wear a rainbow something on their clothing, but that's not even a foolproof method. It's hard!

You made a good start by coming here :).

[Soft*Silver]

try being a lesbian dating a man....but he is a twister like I am too. People see him as a gay man. Its all confusing to the people around us, except to my family. They get us completely.

[laruss]

Sometimes it is as simple as how you look at or acknowledge other lesbians. Smiling and acknowledging in recognition. I am not sure how to explain that exactly, it is just something that I do.

I don't "look" gay at all, I guess it's that Femme invisibility. But, I have never had trouble being recognized.

I will often wear a rainbow pendant I have and I have seen quite a few other Femme's who wear different pendants out and about.

But, I think the most important thing is to get to know the community. Go to different events, volunteer for gay organizations, get yourself out there.

I was recently at a classic rock festival and I was standing in line and a woman behind me started chatting with me, neither of us looked gay, she noticed my rainbow necklace and grabbed it while pushing her tits into me and mentioned how she was new to the city and how difficult it was to meet people. I agreed with her and then explained how lucky I was to have found the Woman I want to spend my life with. She laughed and said, "was I really that obvious". We both laughed about it and then I told her about some local events. It was the pendant that caught her attention and was the "clue or cue" for her.

[lesbrarian]

I look like SoccerMom. In fact, for a long time, I was one :). And while being gay certainly isn't all I am, it's an obviously big part. I also don't introduce myself with "Hi, I'm gay!" So I get it.

The only time anyone is sure, is at Reunion or Pride (but many straight people go to Pride, so that's not even a good example).

If you are in college, there's probably a GLBQ club on campus and you can find community there. Some find the courage to wear a rainbow something on their clothing, but that's not even a foolproof method. It's hard!

You made a good start by coming here :).

I guess that is pretty true - even at the local gay bar, at least half the crowd is straight girls, so it's tough to state anything really loud and clear.

I was involved with the campus queer group for a while, but unfortunately have broken ties because of differences/lack of inclusiveness. Almost all of the lesbians I have that are my age in this community are really aggressive in some questionable politics (men are evil, monogamy is slavery, etc.) that I don't want to be involved in.

I've been trying to seek out any other local groups, but they seem very impromptu - older dykes that have been in the city a long time and know lots of people. Which is great, and it would be awesome to talk to them.

[lesbrarian]

I was recently at a classic rock festival and I was standing in line and a woman behind me started chatting with me, neither of us looked gay, she noticed my rainbow necklace and grabbed it while pushing her tits into me and mentioned how she was new to the city and how difficult it was to meet people. I agreed with her and then explained how lucky I was to have found the Woman I want to spend my life with. She laughed and said, "was I really that obvious". We both laughed about it and then I told her about some local events. It was the pendant that caught her attention and was the "clue or cue" for her.

That's hilarious - I will definitely have to get some more rainbow gear.

I always try to smile when I recognize someone, I just get nervous that I might send the wrong message. I read an article once about a bi femme who was frustrated with finding community with other queers because she was dating a man. She told the story of smiling at a lesbian couple while she was waiting in line at a movie, and receiving dirty looks back because they thought she was patronizing them.

But, as I'm learning, you can't control how other people think of you. It's worth a shot!

[The_Lady_Snow]

I tend to be outed as soon as I speak, I'm a queer Femme that's hard to hide and stick out in a sea of feminine presentation. I like to think that's it's my politics, women empowered thinking and my Leather dynamics that make it so. My Pack thinks it's evolution in it's finest form.:)

[*Anya*]

It is always a problem when one is femme because we "look" straight.

You have to go to places where there are other lesbians.

Do you have MeetUps? You can find them online or you can start your own!

Where I live, there are tons. All ages and all types of activities.

[girl_dee]

Rainbow tattoo on the forehead and a 2x4 helps.

[lesbrarian]

I tend to be outed as soon as I speak, I'm a queer Femme that's hard to hide and stick out in a sea of feminine presentation. I like to think that's it's my politics, women empowered thinking and my Leather dynamics that make it so. My Pack thinks it's evolution in it's finest form.:)

Well, Leather politics are the best politics afterall.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Well, Leather politics are the best politics afterall.


Well, I'm a lil bias with that particular opinion;)..

[Rope]

I've had femmes walk across a smoking room at the airport and ask for a light to give me a "hint" that we might have something in common besides smoking....It's hard to bold but sometimes, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Rope--

[SleepyButch]

Rainbow tattoo on the forehead and a 2x4 helps.


I think if I saw someone pull a 2 x 4 our of their purse in my presence, I would get the hint...hopefully before being wapped in the head... lol

[bcelly1894]

Rainbow tattoo on the forehead and a 2x4 helps.


:lol2: That was funny.
But sometimes even after using your 2x4 that the person will come out of their stupor, And still not believe:blink: you are gay.:doh::twitch:
I agree with all of the suggestions given though. I just thought the 2x4 idea was funny.

[easygoingfemme]

Yup. One time I was wearing a t-shirt that said "I like your beaver" with a cute (picture of a beaver on it - but still) and a rainbow bead necklace, and someone still told me they weren't sure if I was a lesbian.

[Words]

You would think that, in this day and age, one wouldn't have to 'look like' a lesbian to be recognized as one by one's own community.

I mean, what exactly does a lesbian look like or are we ourselves guilty of perputating the myth that there's only one way to be lesbian, namely, the way usually portrayed by straight folk (think truck driver sporting a mullet and wearing a rainbow coloured t-shirt)?

I don't know. Perhaps it's the circle I move in or the small town where I live (disproportionate number of queers) but when I look at a woman, then assuming she's not clearly with a guy, I never assume that she's straight...seems only fair given that I hate it when folks assume that I am.

Words

[-Red-Flag-]

Rainbow tattoo on the forehead and a 2x4 helps.

All this time, I been looking for the wrong signs !

[Ginger]

I guess I don't care if strangers "get" me. I only care if people I know, "get" me. And if they know me, they get me (sorry for the circuitous logic, it's the best I can do...).

[LipstickLola]

Guess I'll go Google some type of pendent to wear! Hopefully, along with my direct eye contact, and "knowing" smile, I'll maybe attract some new friends :D

Signed..... still a hippy at heart single lesbian :peacelove:

[Chelsius]

I guess I look "very straight" to people, so I definitely do have trouble signalling lol.

[girllikeu2]

I guess I look "very straight" to people, so I definitely do have trouble signalling lol.


here ya go. http://www.cafepress.com/mf/12701585/femme-2_tank-top