Neurodiversity

[Ursy]

Sweet Violaine suggested I start up a thread much like the Hans Asperger's Bar and Grill on another site, so (finally), I am...

What I loved about the original thread is the absolute supportive atmosphere and the feeling of SAFETY and ACCEPTANCE, and I'd really like this theme to continue with this thread.

I hope that opening it up to all kinds of neurodiversity will only make it more wonderful and foster more acceptance and understanding between neurotypicals, and non-neurotypicals.

OK - to start, a little about me: I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome (part of the autistic spectrum) when my daughter was little (and diagnosed with the same), about 7 years ago. It can be seen as a blessing and a a curse - depending on the day I've had; sometimes depending on which hour in which day you catch me. There's no escaping it, I do process things differently to most of the people on the planet. Sometimes it makes life easier. Sometimes it makes life hell.

It certainly does make life interesting, and I am still working things out... slowly but surely. As I mentioned in the last paragraph, sometimes I get down (yes, very, very down) about being wired differently to most of the rest of the world. Other times I feel like I have an edge over the average person. I guess that's what this thread is all about. The place to come when you're feeling overwhelmed and misunderstood, and equally, the place to come when you're feeling like being "differently wired" is a cause for celebration!

[violaine]

ursy, hallo :)

:beachkids:

your words resonate with me quite a lot. i often describe living with AS as a blessing and a curse. not much time to go into particulars at the moment, but i do think your paragraphs/glimpse into atypical wiring - called asperger's pretty much is right on for me too. the other thread was loved such much, and i would really like to thank you for creating a new space here for aspies/neurodiversity.

love to you, sweet friend!

belle
ox

[amiyesiam]

Hi all
I just wanted to share something I found.
This is a link to a site about highly sensitive people
when being diagnosed it is often confused with
ADD and Aspergers
maybe it will help someone who reads here and feels like Aspergers fits but doesnt (hope that makes sense!)

the highly sensitive person (http://www.hsperson.com/index.html)

[hippieflowergirl]

Hi all
I just wanted to share something I found.
This is a link to a site about highly sensitive people
when being diagnosed it is often confused with
ADD and Aspergers
maybe it will help someone who reads here and feels like Aspergers fits but doesnt (hope that makes sense!)

the highly sensitive person (http://www.hsperson.com/index.html)

thank you for sharing this link! i've heard of elaine aron but im not familiar work.

i've often wondered if the hypersensitive and folks who have asperger's are evidence of our evolution. i'm still hammering out my thoughts on the subject but there's a great deal to be said for the way our environment impacts us. that could sound negative to some but i think it's actually a good thing. i feel like i'm not being clear so i'm going to let it go for a now and try to pull together my idea in a more succinct way before going on with it. (thanx for the patience)

barrie jaeger wrote a book (maybe 5 or 6 years ago) called

making work for the highly sensitive person.

a neurologist recommended to me after i'd lost my job because i couldnt manage a classroom any longer. it meant a lot to me at a time when i felt like i was losing the one thing that meant more to me than anything else.

[I'mOneToo]

I had the privilege once to attend a workshop conducted by Elaine Aron. There were about 90 participants. Imagine 90 people who are sensitive to various things - light, heat, proximity to others, scents, distractions; so many things including the placement of the seats. It took quite a while just for everyone to get "comfortable" so the workshop could begin. I learned so much about my own sensitivity but even more, I learned that many others share these sensitivities. And that sensitive people are not without humor, nor basic human fallibility. (Meaning, it's a way of being but not an excuse, especially for my own personal behavior). I've lost the book 'The Highly Sensitive Person' but it describes many useful tools for dealing with everyday stresses caused by sensitivities. I'd give it 5 stars. Her website has a checklist where you can get an idea if you're an "HSP", try it and see if you find yourself there. http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

[Bit]

How interesting! We took the self test together; Gryph scored 23 (14 is HSP) but I would have scored "everything" because there was not even one thing I could have said "no" to.

We'll have to go back and read the site more carefully.

I had never heard of this in these terms before; how I usually see it described is Indigo person or empath.

[T D]

I scored 18, but I wasn't able to answer a few of them as the answer or question wasn't just right (that should tell me something LOL). For instance am I highly sensitive to music or art - the answer being "some forms, yes". So how do ya answer something like that =:o

Anyway, very interesting thread for sure!!

How interesting! We took the self test together; Gryph scored 23 (14 is HSP) but I would have scored "everything" because there was not even one thing I could have said "no" to.

We'll have to go back and read the site more carefully.

I had never heard of this in these terms before; how I usually see it described is Indigo person or empath.

[Ursy]

Thanks Ami for the link!

I scored 22. I wonder if the Highly sensitive person could be like a diagnosis similar to Asperger's only not quite as markedly socially challenged?

*shrug* - I don't know, just a thought...

[suebee]

I agree with you Urs. There seems to be some sort of continuum there. I scored 23. People who don't know me don't see me as sensitive because I've developed so many ways to cope with it. But anybody who's ever spent much time with me, or - heaven forbid - gone to a shopping mall with me :eek: .....well, there ain't much doubt. I think I spend so much more time home now because I can still have contact with people over the internet without pushing any of my buttons, and withdraw if I need to. Maybe hermits have just been misunderstood individuals all this time. Hmmmm? ;)

[Ursy]

I agree with you Urs. There seems to be some sort of continuum there. I scored 23. People who don't know me don't see me as sensitive because I've developed so many ways to cope with it. But anybody who's ever spent much time with me, or - heaven forbid - gone to a shopping mall with me :eek: .....well, there ain't much doubt. I think I spend so much more time home now because I can still have contact with people over the internet without pushing any of my buttons, and withdraw if I need to. Maybe hermits have just been misunderstood individuals all this time. Hmmmm? ;)

Yep, I'm one of those people who get told (when I mention being Asperger's) - "gee, well I'd never have picked it up if you hadn't mentioned it" - which is good in a way - I can fit in as I wish. But it's also bad because they can never understand how draining it actually is to to maintain a "socially acceptable persona" which is basically what I have to do, very consciously and deliberately, and damn - it's hard work when it doesn't come to you naturally!

[amiyesiam]

Thanks Ami for the link!

I scored 22. I wonder if the Highly sensitive person could be like a diagnosis similar to Asperger's only not quite as markedly socially challenged?

*shrug* - I don't know, just a thought...


this is long but I copied it from the web site. There are a lot of things that look the same from the out side between the two. It is what is driving them in the brain that is different.




taken from the web site The Highly Sensitive Person

August 2009: Comfort Zone ONLINE
Your Questions Answered:
How Does Sensitivity Differ from Autism, Asperger's Syndrome, and the "Autistic Spectrum"

Many concerned parents have asked me if their seemingly highly sensitive child could really be autistic or have Asperger syndrome. Sometimes a teacher or doctor has suggested it. Others have been told that the entire trait of sensitivity is just a mild form of one of these disorders, the higher functioning end of the "autistic spectrum."

This article is not meant to supply you with the full details of autism or Asperger syndrome. To find those you can go to some very good websites (for example, autism-society.org or the National Institute of Mental Health website, nimh.nih.gov), where you will find all sorts of information, including the technical definitions of these disorders. These definitions come from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual provided by the American Psychiatry Association. DSM, as it is called, is far from perfect, but does help when trying to sort out a question of this kind.

The autistic spectrum disorders (ASDs) are part of the "Pervasive Developmental Disorders." In all of these disorders, even if a person is said to be "high functioning," there is always severe, sustained, pervasive impairment in social functioning, plus highly restricted interests or repetitive activities. And sensitivity to sensory stimulation or sensitive sensory processing is never mentioned in the diagnostic criteria for ASDs. So to put it simply, according to the DSM, the normal temperament trait of high sensitivity, found in 15 to 20% of humans (and apparently all higher animals) would have nothing to do with being a high functioning person on an autistic spectrum.

Autism versus Asperger's Syndrome

Autism is on the low end of this so-called spectrum. It is considered more serious, in that others may barely be able to communicate with a child having this disorder. Those with Asperger syndrome do speak normally, so HSCs are more often confused with them than with the "classic" autistic child. But those with Asperger's still show a lack of understanding of what is going on emotionally in the other person even if they can hold a conversation. Adults with Asperger syndrome do fine in many types of jobs--indeed are unusually good at some--and will seem normal in impersonal social interactions, but again, they do not respond appropriately to emotional cues.

When I happened to be on a week-long group backpacking trip with a man with Asperger's (he only told us about this at the end), it took some time to realize there was something different about him. I recall best that his normal ten-year-old son (they'd been sent out for a male bonding experience) was in agony from trying to carry a pack too heavy for him. His father told him it was because he had packed too much. This was surely the case, but Dad showed no sympathy or even annoyance. It was not about teaching his son a lesson--that would have involved some complex social-emotional negotiations. He was clueless about how to resolve this beyond next time seeing his son had a lighter pack.

Something clearly had to be done, so my husband carried the boy's pack on steep climbs. The father expressed no surprise or gratitude. He was a very nice man, a nurse by profession, and a good one when I was injured on the trip. He could talk readily about his problem, and the fact his marriage had ended because his wife could not stand his lack of emotional empathy. But there was no way that he could be confused with an HSP, except perhaps by his acute awareness that he was different, which made him very sad. He could experience his own emotions, but he could not read the signs of the emotional experiences of others.

Don't Assume "This Kid's Just Highly Sensitive"

But let's get back to children. An astounding 3.4 children out of a 1000 have an ASD. Even taking into account that there is more knowledge about ASDs and so more diagnoses of them, the increase goes beyond that. We do know these disorders are genetically based--researchers have found a number of different genes that can produce ASDs. For example, most but not all of the genes put boys more at risk than girls. Besides genes that are inherited, ASDs can also be caused by a gene mutation. (There is a suspicion that the increase in ASDs could be caused by one or more of the zillion chemicals we are all ingesting these days.) The variety of genetic pathways accounts for the wide range of behaviors seen with these disorders (strange fixations, astounding memories for details, etc.), but in all cases the brain is thrown off of its normal development because the growing child's brain is misusing the sensory information it is receiving and that it needs for normal development. Specifically, the child is unable to notice social cues because the brain's attention system is being focused elsewhere, entirely on to non-social stimulation.

An early diagnosis followed by the right treatment makes a huge difference in the outcome, so you do not want to make any mistakes here. With children, the social problems plus speech and attention-fixation abnormalities become obvious early on unless parents are in denial. What we do not want is parents telling themselves their child is "just highly sensitive" when he or she in fact has an ASD. I have two grand-nephews with an ASD, one a grandchild of my sister and one of my brother. When I first saw them as toddlers, in each case they were visiting as part of a longer trip, and I assumed they were HSCs who were overstimulated by travel. Clearly I am no expert myself at making the diagnosis, although I like to think that now I could do better, having seen them in action. But no one who loves a child or their parents would want to think about autism, even when the child in question will eat only exactly three kinds of food or is happy for twenty minutes merely watching a bicycle wheel spinning.

Do Not Assume a Disorder Either

Nor do we want the reverse, of course--sensitive children being mislabeled because they are observed to be socially withdrawn at school or in a strange social situation. Sensitive children are generally at ease at home, but if the home environment is stressful as well, a sensitive child could indeed have a "severe, sustained, pervasive impairment in social functioning," but still not have an ASD. (PTSD might be a more appropriate diagnosis, or a "reactive attachment disorder," another diagnosis found in DSM.)

A parent with even a suspicion that something is odd should get a professional evaluation involving several specialists (pediatrician, speech therapist, psychologist, etc.) who make observations at home and at school as well as in their office. But be sure at least one has experience separating a normal but extreme temperament from a disorder, which means he or she should be an expert in children generally, not just those with ASDs. And do mention whether the problem is worse when your child is tired or has been in an overstimulating environment, or if there is stress at home, or some major changes going on that might cause anxiety in an HSC, even if not in another child. Especially confess if you are having marital problems or fit some DSM diagnosis yourself, including substance abuse. HSCs are very affected by such things, so that, again, they could meet the criteria of severe, sustained, pervasive impairment in social functioning without having an ASD.

In some cases you know if it's sensitivity or an ASD because the signs were present from birth. In other cases, the onset of an ASD occurs suddenly, around 1 or 2. Sudden or not, ASDs usually become obvious to others when the child is around 18 months to 2 years. It is essential that treatment begin early if there is a real problem.

So start asking questions as soon as you begin to suspect that something could be wrong--if speech is delayed, for example, or your child is behaving very oddly. Don't be in denial or think this is just high sensitivity. Find out.

Why Has Sensitivity Been So Confused with ASDs?

Sometimes--not always--children with an ASD show acute sensitivity to noise, touch, or other sense modalities. Others are impervious to what most people would find uncomfortable, even to serious pain. Sometimes sensitivity and ASDs are confused because the child with an ASD may have little or no ability to regulate emotions, and sensitive children, too, are more emotional than other children. But with ASDs, these behaviors are due to incorrectly processing perceptual stimulation all the time, not just when overstimulated.

For a good sense of ASD from the inside you might enjoy The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, a novel by Mark Haddon, who works with autistic children. He writes the story from the viewpoint of an autistic boy. Among other things, this child is intensely, miserably sensitive--but in a far different way than HSPs describe themselves. Remember, HSPs process information more thoroughly and thus gain more meaning from their observations. Our states of overstimulation arise from too much to process at once. Those with an ASD are always processing the wrong things and always experiencing chaos unless they are able to shut themselves off from the world entirely.

In brief, you can best sort out sensitivity from ASDs by keeping in mind two differences. First, social perception--HSPs are generally more skilled at observing what's going on in a social situation, even when they are not joining in. Second, HSPs have intense imaginations and varied interests rather than narrow preoccupations.

The Unsocial Man--Sensitivity or Asperger Syndrome

Sometimes the bigger problem of distinguishing sensitivity from an ASD is seen with adult men. Even professionals often have trouble sorting out sensitivity from those with Asperger's because both can lead to social withdrawal or poor social skills. Again, as yet there is no way to make a certain diagnosis looking at brains or genes, so one has to look beneath these behaviors--being socially withdrawn and unskilled--to the underlying reason. Men with either issue may have, as boys, holed up in their rooms to work with computers, read, or watch TV. As teenagers they may not have dated due to fearing rejection for being a nerd or seeming less manly than the boys getting the most attention. Then they may have chosen careers such as engineering or accounting in which they could avoid the discomforts of socializing. But again, those with Asperger's lack social skills because they cannot perceive what is going on and never could very well. HSMs might do all of the above for several reasons. One is not fitting the masculine stereotypes in our culture. Another is having been more affected than others would have been by social traumas such as rejection or betrayal. Yet another reason is that they want to avoid over arousing emotional encounters with strangers or in groups merely because they have learned that in these situations they become too overstimulated to function well. So they focus instead on what they do best (for which they are often paid well, too).

Whatever the reason for social withdrawal, their families often want some explanation for all of this that they can understand in simple, scientific language. Why did he always retreat to his room as a boy? Why is he still not married? Everyone may be relieved to find a biological explanation, an ASD, especially since it absolves the parents of any blame. Alas, such a diagnosis also reduces the hope of changing, of developing stronger social connections with practice.

There are ways, again, to sort this out. Suspect an ASD if the problem was noticeable even in infancy, and as much at home as at school. Are the social problems now due to a real problem with recognizing social-emotional cues, such as a bland response when others would have empathy? On the other hand, suspect sensitivity if only other people are concerned, or if there is a reasonable explanation behind the behavior--the desire to reduce stimulation, a history of social traumas, or a wish to avoid working or living in environments that require boisterous or highly competitive behavior, which is most of our culture. Remember it also could be neither an ASD nor sensitivity if the man withdraws due to serious wounds from previous social rejections. In all of these cases except an ASD, the man might have rusty social skills, leading to more social anxiety, and then even less confidence in social situations and more and more withdrawal, all while fully aware of social cues. If anything, these men see too much. Research has found that shy people usually know very well what is happening and how to behave in a social situation--watching a video they can identify or suggest good social behavior--but they perform poorly in the actual situations due to low self-confidence.

On the other hand, some adults decide they are highly sensitive when they actually do have an ASD. They want to find a normal explanation for something that is not normal. Again, there is no blood test or other way of diagnosing ASDs, so if you are unsure, read all that you can about them and then try to decide for yourself (you being the person who probably knows you best). Pay particular attention to how others remember you in childhood. If still unsure, get a professional evaluation from someone who will consider all of the possibilities. If one person says you have Asperger's, get a second and a third opinion. You want the truth. Don't be afraid--there's help for adults with ASDs. But none of us can begin to change until we know from where we are starting.

[christie]

Thank you for starting this thread.

I'm a proud Momma... I can't imagine my son, aka Bratboy, to be anything but an Aspie.


http://s109.photobucket.com/albums/n45/christie0918/Autism/?action=view&current=aspie.jpg

[Rockinonahigh]

I scored 22..is that bgood or bad?
Rockin

[atomiczombie]

I scored 17. Can't stand loud noises or bright lights. I get overwhelmed easily. Too much stimuli makes my brain burn. I get headaches and feel like shutting out the world. I also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Depression too. I guess that makes me "sensitive". I just call it my brain being wired differently than others.

[weatherboi]

I scored 22..is that bgood or bad?
Rockin

I don't think any result is either good or bad.

[Rockinonahigh]

I always knew I was wired a bit diffrently and have been checked by a doc when I was a grade school kid,he didnt find anything but the mild hyperactivity I deal with.I just do what feels comfy for me to deal with and try not to overwhelmed by the rest of life,it make me a bit of a hermit at times.Im a chef by trade..in dealing with the public taked a big dose of geting hold of my ass and just doing the work as best as I can,I can decompress when its over.
Rockin

[Darth Denkay]

I recently read an article that indicated there is some thought that autism, asperger's syndrome, PDD, and one other (can't think of it right now) may all be collapsed into a single diagnosis of autism. I think I've got the article bookmarked at work. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Right now diagnoses are based on visible symptoms so we differentiate between diagnoses that might physiologically be the same but express themselves differently in individuals based on other neurological factors. I think (when we have a better grasp on neurological causes) we will likely find a lot of similarities between diagnoses than are necessarily apparent now.

On the other hand, there are some differences in how different diagnoses are treated - are these differences significant enough for separate diagnoses to be useful?

FInally, should diagnoses be based on symptoms. Basically three different ways that mental illness could be categorized (physiological basis, treatment, expression). I also don't know what impact changing diagnoses will have on individuals with those diagnoses. What will it be like to be told that now you don't have asperger's, you have autism.

As much as we want to believe that the DSM provides an objective classification system that simply isn't true. Another diagnosis that is also being debated is GID - should it be a diagnosis at all - if so do criteria need to be changed.

I guess this is a bit (a large bit) of a derail. Let me know if anyone is interested in the article.

[violaine]

:sheep::anothersnowman:

hallo :)

i just finished a bunch of work for the committee i belong to [part of the humane society]. the last several days have been kind of trying in the sense of dealing with a totally inconceivable situation involving an animal [will spare details!] - coupled with the mind blowing fact that it was all utterly unnecessary, as i'd already offered intervention.

space was in order as i was trying to decompress - and so i mentioned to a friend what i was doing. a few hours later he contacted me - saying straightaway- "i know you asked for space, and you said you could not be upset by anything, but ......"

what followed from him was indeed terribly anxiety inducing. i could have avoided the call, but not the issue he delivered so, brink of meltdown happened although the actual MD was a few days later.

essentials for me to get back on track are [always] the main three: space, sleep, and schedule. maintaining the latter two help with more of a cush coping skills-wise, and of course, routine = a predictable route with less interference of stressful scenarios. not always realistic, however.

i know what you mean, urs- people often comment that i must only have "a little bit of autism", or that i seem "so normal", et c. i find the words insulting because they are based on assumptions of what is acceptable behaviour in their mind. very telling on their part, and not usually going to get a smile from me- which really doesn't go over famously with the individual ;) another topic all together- whenever i have some rest !

hope you are all having a great new year!

belle
ox

[Ursy]

i know what you mean, urs- people often comment that i must only have "a little bit of autism", or that i seem "so normal", et c. i find the words insulting because they are based on assumptions of what is acceptable behaviour in their mind. very telling on their part, and not usually going to get a smile from me- which really doesn't go over famously with the individual ;) another topic all together- whenever i have some rest !



Lovely Belle! xx

It doesn't exactly encourage one to strive to appear "normal" in order to fit in, does it? Though I can, and do... it makes me so tired, I wonder if it's worth maintaining. I mean really, the bottom line is that we do it so that the average person isn't made to feel uncomfortable, right? Not that I resally want to make anyone feel uncomfortable but - why is it always me that has to end up paying for it?

[Lynn]

Wow. I came in here to read and learn. I have always felt that my daughter might be somewhere on the spectrum. She's now 22, pursuing a promising creative writing career, and doing well. I always thought she was a bit eccentric--there was a book I read, "The Out of Sync Child," that fit her perfectly. That book talks about neurological differences in children.

What is especially interesting is that I took that sensitivity test. I scored a 24. There were only one or two I could really say don't apply to me, but that's only because I have learned to overcome some social difficulties to become better in certain situations.

I need to learn more, but first I have to stop procrastinating and get to work!

Thanks for posting this thread!

[Jess]

Hmm.. I scored a 26.. the only thing that didn't apply was the movie question. I tend to like mystery and suspense and often they have a good deal of violence.

I'm not really getting the whole crux of the HSP issue. I will continue reading more about it. I think that yes, sometimes I am hindered in social settings because of feeling "overwhelmed".

How does this play out for other folks who may be HSP? Can it be debilitating? Genuinely interested. Thank you.

[amiyesiam]

Hmm.. I scored a 26.. the only thing that didn't apply was the movie question. I tend to like mystery and suspense and often they have a good deal of violence.

I'm not really getting the whole crux of the HSP issue. I will continue reading more about it. I think that yes, sometimes I am hindered in social settings because of feeling "overwhelmed".

How does this play out for other folks who may be HSP? Can it be debilitating? Genuinely interested. Thank you.


HSP can outwardly look like Aspergers, especially in children. The S, sensitive doesn't necessarily mean that a person is sensitive like caring/nice sensitive. It is more about being very sensitive to stimulus that is coming in from the outside world through all 5 senses and how you process it.

HSP can be intoverts or extroverts

[Jess]

Thanks. I'll keep reading :)

[violaine]

[QUOTE=urs;30094]Lovely Belle! xx

It doesn't exactly encourage one to strive to appear "normal" in order to fit in, does it? Though I can, and do... it makes me so tired, I wonder if it's worth maintaining. I mean really, the bottom line is that we do it so that the average person isn't made to feel uncomfortable, right? Not that I resally want to make anyone feel uncomfortable but - why is it always me that has to end up paying for it?

major fatigue- agreed ! plus, i don't feel as if i "have" something "wrong" - i just am... differently wired... :bigladybug:

interesting take on " are you neurotypical"? = scroll 3/4 way down page:

http://www.corante.com/brainwaves/archives/are_you_neurotypical.php

taken from -

http://www.neurodiversity.com/main.html

[violaine]

page 69, Effort & Attention-

keith: "i like the physical contact, not in a definable sense. i just enjoy it. also, what touching offers is the chance to be close without needing to articulate it. surely not everything has to be spoken about and analysed to death. just a held hand or a spoon in the night says a lot..."


http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/book/9781843105404

[Bit]

Gryph and I ordered The Highly Sensitive Person and Making Work Work for the Highly Sensitive Person (two different authors). I found them at Borders online--received an unexpected gift certificate at just the right time--and they just arrived.

These self tests are beginning to scare me; I just scored 30 out of 31 on the one in the beginning of Making Work Work... then I noticed it's one of those where you rate each question either zero, 5 or 10 points. Going that way, I scored 300 out of 310. :blink: The only question I didn't answer "high" for was the one about other people calling me "intense" but hey... if by every other measure I'm so high on the scale, why aren't people calling me intense? *wry look*

So I'm thinking that a HSP could be someone with Aspergers as well, but if the two coincide, it must make things so very difficult!

Ursy and Belle talked about the effort of fitting in, of not making the people around them uncomfortable. This is something that I struggle with also. Sometimes I wonder just how I made it this far; but then the next logical question, "and what would happen if I stopped trying so hard anyway?" reminds me that I learned the hard way that I have to fit in or people get pretty angry with me, and then they go away. Ooops. Not what I want at all.... but yes, sometimes I do wonder why all the effort has to be mine, and why other people can't make allowances for me sometimes.

One of the things I adore about Gryph is that he has never ever once chastised me for being "too sensitive" nor ever once said those hated words, "grow a thicker skin." Too much information comes in, yes, and it does sometimes cause emotional overloads or a need to hide from everyone and everything--but he cherishes me for the sensitivity anyway. We each try to give the other the space we need to cope with the world.

Anyhow, thank you Ami for telling us about the book. I think it'll help a lot, and I'm glad to understand why we all have so much in common.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I'm a Aspi, and I feel like a misfit.

[violaine]

do any of you get to spend time around other aspies? i know it's really a good time to me- just letting go of things-

hugs to you, andrew (f)

[christie]

do any of you get to spend time around other aspies? i know it's really a good time to me- just letting go of things-

hugs to you, andrew (f)

My son attends a special needs HS in Nashville. I can say that its been really important for his social development to be around "peers" as opposed to being in mainstream where he felt so very out of place.

I also think that its been good for him to see that different truly is ok. That even differently abled doesnt have the same definition for everyone.

We are so very fortunate that he is such a great young man. I remember what I was like at 16 - and trust me, if the worst thing he has going is that he doesn't like to take a shower, well, I will take stanky over the other things anyday! LOL

[Ursy]

do any of you get to spend time around other aspies? i know it's really a good time to me- just letting go of things-


I don't, but my daughter Bek has found her twin - who is also an aspie, and loves - ok, is obsessed with - pretty much all the same things that Bek is - Kingdom Hearts, anime, drawing, etc... and even likes the same kinds of foods.

In fact, they are so similar that it's really, really spooky (like, really really really). For example, Bek chose Luna for her facebook name because she didn't want to use her real name. In fact, she would probably like it if this was her real name. Bek's twin changed her name to Luna some time ago (long before meeting Bek).

Anyway, it's been really nice for her to have a friendship like that. Bek's twin "gets" her in a way that nobody else ever has. They are incredibly lucky to have found each other.

[Ursy]

We are so very fortunate that he is such a great young man. I remember what I was like at 16 - and trust me, if the worst thing he has going is that he doesn't like to take a shower, well, I will take stanky over the other things anyday! LOL

Lol - I could say the same thing about my girl (she turns 15 on Monday).

She is truly a beautiful little soul, but also one hell of a grot!

She is getting better at taking showers, even if she doesn't care for them. It's getting her to wash her hair that's the problem. Once she gets in there, her mind wanders, she goes on autopilot, and before you know it she's finished her shower and has forgotten to wash her hair AGAIN!

It doesn't seem to bother her that it's like a dirty mop on her head... now that would just drive me crazy...

[christie]

Lol - I could say the same thing about my girl (she turns 15 on Monday).

She is truly a beautiful little soul, but also one hell of a grot!

She is getting better at taking showers, even if she doesn't care for them. It's getting her to wash her hair that's the problem. Once she gets in there, her mind wanders, she goes on autopilot, and before you know it she's finished her shower and has forgotten to wash her hair AGAIN!

It doesn't seem to bother her that it's like a dirty mop on her head... now that would just drive me crazy...

Its just getting Bratboy IN the shower... once he's in there, its FOREVER before he comes out.

I am really glad that he has learned moderation with the "Axe" body spray.

When he was about 8, his stepfather gave him part of a Halston z14 cologne gift set. Stepdad drove him to school every morning and I will never forget seeing Mel (stepdad) arriving back home, all four windows down and his head stuck out the window much like a dog riding in the car. It was February and much too cold to have windows down.

Mel came into the house, eyes red and watery. I asked if he was ok. He looked at me and said, "We HAVE to teach that boy some moderation... I feel like I have been maced!" :pointing::pointing:

The moderation lessons took a while, but at least he wasn't stanky!

[violaine]

http://www.creative-minds.info/index_files/Social.htm

”There is a double standard in communication between those that hold the most common views and those who do not:

“When I do not understand other people that is perceived as being my fault.
“When other people do not understand me, that is somehow my fault as well.”

- Ilah, adult probable Aspie from USA

[Andrew, Jr.]

Violaine, I can relate to that quote by Ilah. Thank you for posting that.

[Bit]

That's a GREAT Bratboy story, Christie! Made me laugh pretty hard.

That quote you posted pretty much sums up how I feel, too, belle.

Soooo, I'm almost halfway through The Highly Sensitive Person. I hit a hard place, the part about going to school. I'm surprised that I got this far through the book without it pushing any buttons for me, since everything applies to me... guess that means I managed to forget most of my early childhood, which is probably a blessing.

It's real hard not to be mad at my mom right now, which is very uncomfortable since we're pretty close. *sigh* But hey, maybe having another way to understand what happened to me will help me to finally come to peace with it all. I mean seriously, how many times do I have to DO this work, anyway? I think this is the fifth or sixth time dealing with it all; there's always something more to deal with, sheesh. It's time to let it go for good and get on with my life.

[violaine]

there was a mystery for a long time as to something happening with departures, not all of them, but still, i was not quite able to put my finger on what it was. an awkwardness of some sort was there beyond abruptly leaving [no 20 minute lingering goodbyes for me- i'd rather just take off without saying a word sometimes], but a friend explained a recent interaction observed between me and someone saying our goodbyes. during the drive home, i mentioned that i sensed the person with whom i was talking wanted to hug me, but what happened? apparently, he tried to hug me several times- and i pulled completely away from the hugs and stepped back.

:farmtree:

urs, i am so happy for your daughter- :wateringgarden:

[violaine]

do any of you have an awareness of overloaded in the act or does the realisation come only afterwards ?

:farmtree:

i am asking because i know specific things that can get me to the point of overload or a potential MeltDown - but if i'm going through the motions of transitons/sensory issues, et c- i'm not sure i recognise the overload is happening until i'm on the other side of it.

how i might present to someone experiencing me in overload = short, frustrated, different tone, not quite as communicative or able to find the words, et c.

thank you!

:guitar:

[Bit]

{{{{{{{{{{{{belle}}}}}}}}}}}}

Both happen to me, love; I am slowly coming to understand when I am overloaded while it's still happening. The worst for me is when I am at a really big store with a LOT of noise, like a Home Depot with the forklifts backing up and beeping, those extra loud announcements they make, and the echoes of everything (including customer noise) off the hard surfaces; also in a Walmart, with lots of people making noise, kids crying or screaming... sometimes that happens to me in the regular grocery store, too, if kids are screaming and the muzak is playing and announcements are being made... *shudders*

I've noticed that fluorescent lights and concrete floors are also a bad combo for me.

BUT if I'm not in one of those places, I don't usually recognize that I'm overloaded until afterwards... and then I finds myself thinking, "well, duh! no wonder" and feeling kind of sheepish about not recognizing it while it was happening.

I stopped reading the hsp book, btw... she was talking a lot about social cues and responding appropriately and it's really valuable--I found myself wondering if it might be as valuable to someone who has Asperger's as to people who are highly sensitive because of the emphasis she puts on setting appropriate social boundaries and on responding appropriately; it's really gentle and full of information--but life itself suddenly got overwhelming to me and I put the book down. I have to finish it soon.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I have partial complex seizures. One of the things that set me off are lights. For example, going thru a long tunnel, fluoresence & strobe lights. That is why when going out to a nightclub are sometimes uncomfi for me. No amount of medicine can stop seizures or their intensity. I hate them with a passion.

Another thing I really try to avoid is large crowds and noises if possible. For example, I can handle going out every now and then, but not every weekend. I would have a total meltdown afterwards. I always feel on edge. Plus with civility that has gone down the tubes these days, I really feel defensive at times (Wal-Mart, Target, Home Depot, Sam's Club, and such). It is like I have to explain myself repeatedly to the same people. I am not sure of what words to use or what to say. I have tried and tried.

I no longer work because of my disorders. It has been a welcome relief. Now, I am focusing my attention on my furkids. They love unconditionally. I just wish people would do that.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I forgot to mention my Aspi symptoms. I hope this helps too.

I have a routine that I stick with. If that is changed or altered without my knowing, I get upset.

I go thru stages of collecting things. For example, I am still in my religious stage where I collect religious icons. When my older sister died, I received so many. It was overload. Rosie had to help me with this. It was just wayyy too much.

Then there is my obsession with the weather. I even have a chart for hurricanes. I focus in on just 1 thing of the weather. That is it. Anything else is boring to me.

The one thing I cannot stand is when someone refers to me as retard or asks me if I am schizophrenic. I am at a loss of what to say. I have ocd, and depression from being constantly frustrated. I am just not good with words. They tangle me up.

[violaine]

http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20327191.300-food-allergies-get-curiouser-and-curiouser.html

since so many of us have different types of sensitivities/allergies-

bit, thank you so much for your thoughtful response! i hope that you keep the snow prints at bay ;) :snowman:

andrew, i get what you mean on some areas- the crowds, especially ~

:bandkiss:

[Andrew, Jr.]

Oh yes, the crowds. :overreaction:

I do have numerous allergies too. It is always something. :titantic:

[violaine]

andrew,

i cannot think of anyone asking me the questions people have asked of you in such a personal manner! :sigh: however, i do believe there may have been some rude people on the other end of a telephone conversation- when i could not get my words/sentences collected quickly enough! actually, during calls i've placed to businesses, i've heard comments that i'm taking too long, could i hurry up, what is my point- et c.

oh well.

if anyone spends enough time around me, something will be detected - either mannerisms/quirks - or phraseologies! something surfaces eventually. i have learned to sort of notice wheels turning- a wondering of what a finger cannot be placed on - with regard to my "condition!" ha. it can be comical- probably on both ends!

hang in-

belle
ox

[Spirit Dancer]

I forgot to mention my Aspi symptoms. I hope this helps too.

I have a routine that I stick with. If that is changed or altered without my knowing, I get upset.

I go thru stages of collecting things. For example, I am still in my religious stage where I collect religious icons. When my older sister died, I received so many. It was overload. Rosie had to help me with this. It was just wayyy too much.

Then there is my obsession with the weather. I even have a chart for hurricanes. I focus in on just 1 thing of the weather. That is it. Anything else is boring to me.

The one thing I cannot stand is when someone refers to me as retard or asks me if I am schizophrenic. I am at a loss of what to say. I have ocd, and depression from being constantly frustrated. I am just not good with words. They tangle me up.

I've highlighted the part that sends me screaming, until people can learn to stop judging others based on what they precieve and instead get to know a person, learn about their condition before placing judgement, it truly looks bad on society. At times it's a if we're in the 50's where Aspie's and MR people were locked away.
Shoyuld it be in passing that you meet an Aspie person don't judge them try to understand or merely zip it and walk away.
Andrew so sorry this happened to you. Hugs

[amiyesiam]

{{{{{{{{{{{{belle}}}}}}}}}}}}

Both happen to me, love; I am slowly coming to understand when I am overloaded while it's still happening. The worst for me is when I am at a really big store with a LOT of noise, like a Home Depot with the forklifts backing up and beeping, those extra loud announcements they make, and the echoes of everything (including customer noise) off the hard surfaces; also in a Walmart, with lots of people making noise, kids crying or screaming... sometimes that happens to me in the regular grocery store, too, if kids are screaming and the muzak is playing and announcements are being made... *shudders*

I've noticed that fluorescent lights and concrete floors are also a bad combo for me.

BUT if I'm not in one of those places, I don't usually recognize that I'm overloaded until afterwards... and then I finds myself thinking, "well, duh! no wonder" and feeling kind of sheepish about not recognizing it while it was happening.

I stopped reading the hsp book, btw... she was talking a lot about social cues and responding appropriately and it's really valuable--I found myself wondering if it might be as valuable to someone who has Asperger's as to people who are highly sensitive because of the emphasis she puts on setting appropriate social boundaries and on responding appropriately; it's really gentle and full of information--but life itself suddenly got overwhelming to me and I put the book down. I have to finish it soon.



Oh how I relate. Walmart is painful. The lights are bad bad bad. We usually go late at night when it is empty. Walmart is 1 mile away so we are lucky there. The grocery store has lower lights and is much better. In walmart I usually know and can feel myself reaching my breaking point.

At work I just try to go find something to do (I work in a group home) in another room for a while. I usually need to veg when I get home. I want to focus and not deal with things for a while. Interestingly, 99.9% of the time the individuals I work with don't impact me negatively. Staff is a different story. LOL

And there are the times I reach my breaking point when I don't know it is coming. The tv can do that to me. Almost like a switch.

Sometimes I feel bad, like I can not handle things, yet I am most excellent at handling things, getting things done, doing the right thing, and being responsible.

I do not like to see to much of the news cause it will stress me out.

If I have to many projects I will want/need dedicate time to getting them caught up. Actually this goes for getting behind on anything.

[Bit]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Andrew, belle, Spirit Dancer}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} group hug!

Time for me to run some errands while the sun is still shining... tomorrow I'll be hibernating in the snow!

[Bit]

Aaaaaack, I didn't see your post! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ami}}}}}}}}}}}}

Oh how I relate. Walmart is painful.

Yanno something, darlin, I don't think there could be a better way to describe it! By the time I come out of the store, my legs, my back and my head are usually all screaming at me... and my nerves are SO jangled. It's pain on every level for me.

I usually need to veg when I get home. I want to focus and not deal with things for a while.

Gryph and I both react this way also. Sometimes it's torture trying to get the groceries or laundry put away before I can sit down.... and when Gryph gets home from work, he sits at the computer. That's his time; it's how he decompresses.

And there are the times I reach my breaking point when I don't know it is coming. The tv can do that to me. Almost like a switch.

Oh! I never thought of that!

I find that television hypnotizes me, and I hate that, resist it with all my might--but it happens anyway. So I just simply don't watch tv. Thinking about it, though, yes, I have overloaded from a television on!

The only place I'm forced to endure it now is the laundromat---and I always overload at the laundromat. The lights flicker and whine, the ceiling fans whir and cast flickering shadows, the machines grind and whine and roll and beep, the television blares... ohhhhhhh it is torture just as painful as Walmart is!!

Sometimes I feel bad, like I can not handle things, yet I am most excellent at handling things, getting things done, doing the right thing, and being responsible.

I find that feeling goes along with overload and meltdown too, that "I am incompetent, I cannot even handle life" feeling.... not at all pleasant! And also, yanno, not ordinarily true.

Right now I'd better handle those errands. *smiling* Talk to everyone later.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I am use to be called retard or schitzophrenic. I was always referred too as this since I was in elementary school. I was different. I learned differently, I was a boy locked in a girl's body, and so on. It is like a long playing record with a deep scratch on it. It gets tiring after a while. And no matter what I say, or how I try to defend myself, there is always someone who will continue to bagger me. They enjoy it. Trolls is my label for them. I hope this makes sense.

Bit, I would recommend playing a walkman or ipod while doing laundry. Another thing you could do is to wear the noise cancelling headphones. I have a set, but they still allow some noise in. Bose is the best you can buy. I got mine from Greek Music online. They are by Coby.

[Bit]

Thank you for the headphone advice, Andrew! I appreciate it!

[Spirit Dancer]

Temple Grandin, Ph.D., is the most accomplished and well-known adult with autism in the world. Now her fascinating life, with all its challenges and successes is being brought to the screen. HBO has produced the full-length film Temple Grandin, which premieres on Saturday, February 6th on HBO. She has been featured on NPR (National Public Radio), major television programs, such as the BBC special "The Woman Who Thinks Like a Cow", ABC's Primetime Live, The Today Show, Larry King Live, 48 Hours and 20/20, and has been written about in many national publications, such as Time magazine, People magazine, Forbes, U.S. News and World Report, and New York Times. Among numerous other recognitions by media, Bravo Cable did a half-hour show on her life, and she was featured in the best-selling book, Anthropologist from Mars.

Dr. Grandin didn't talk until she was three and a half years old, communicating her frustration instead by screaming, peeping, and humming. In 1950, she was diagnosed with autism and her parents were told she should be institutionalized. She tells her story of "groping her way from the far side of darkness" in her book Emergence: Labeled Autistic, a book which stunned the world because, until its publication, most professionals and parents assumed that an autism diagnosis was virtually a death sentence to achievement or productivity in life.

Dr. Grandin has become a prominent author and speaker on the subject of autism because "I have read enough to know that there are still many parents, and yes, professionals too, who believe that 'once autistic, always autistic.' This dictum has meant sad and sorry lives for many children diagnosed, as I was in early life, as autistic. To these people, it is incomprehensible that the characteristics of autism can be modified and controlled. However, I feel strongly that I am living proof that they can" (from Emergence: Labeled Autistic).

Even though she was considered "weird" in her young school years, she eventually found a mentor, who recognized her interests and abilities. Dr. Grandin later developed her talents into a successful career as a livestock-handling equipment designer, one of very few in the world. She has now designed the facilities in which half the cattle are handled in the United States, consulting for firms such as Burger King, McDonald's, Swift, and others.

Dr. Grandin presently works as a Professor of Animal Science at Colorado State University. She also speaks around the world on both autism and cattle handling. At every Future Horizons conference on autism, the audience rates her presentation as 10+.


(as stated on her website http://www.templegrandin.com/)

[christie]

Many thanks for posting this.

When Bratboy was first dx 14 years ago, I read quite a bit about her and her life. It was fascinating to me that she developed the "Hug machine."

In looking at her website, I see that she has some upcoming conferences - Nashville April 2nd and Richmond April 16th. I think that I will have both Jess and I attend the Richmond one.

Thanks again - I would have hated to miss the show!


Temple Grandin, Ph.D., is the most accomplished and well-known adult with autism in the world. Now her fascinating life, with all its challenges and successes is being brought to the screen. HBO has produced the full-length film Temple Grandin, which premieres on Saturday, February 6th on HBO. She has been featured on NPR (National Public Radio), major television programs, such as the BBC special "The Woman Who Thinks Like a Cow", ABC's Primetime Live, The Today Show, Larry King Live, 48 Hours and 20/20, and has been written about in many national publications, such as Time magazine, People magazine, Forbes, U.S. News and World Report, and New York Times. Among numerous other recognitions by media, Bravo Cable did a half-hour show on her life, and she was featured in the best-selling book, Anthropologist from Mars.

Dr. Grandin didn't talk until she was three and a half years old, communicating her frustration instead by screaming, peeping, and humming. In 1950, she was diagnosed with autism and her parents were told she should be institutionalized. She tells her story of "groping her way from the far side of darkness" in her book Emergence: Labeled Autistic, a book which stunned the world because, until its publication, most professionals and parents assumed that an autism diagnosis was virtually a death sentence to achievement or productivity in life.

Dr. Grandin has become a prominent author and speaker on the subject of autism because "I have read enough to know that there are still many parents, and yes, professionals too, who believe that 'once autistic, always autistic.' This dictum has meant sad and sorry lives for many children diagnosed, as I was in early life, as autistic. To these people, it is incomprehensible that the characteristics of autism can be modified and controlled. However, I feel strongly that I am living proof that they can" (from Emergence: Labeled Autistic).

Even though she was considered "weird" in her young school years, she eventually found a mentor, who recognized her interests and abilities. Dr. Grandin later developed her talents into a successful career as a livestock-handling equipment designer, one of very few in the world. She has now designed the facilities in which half the cattle are handled in the United States, consulting for firms such as Burger King, McDonald's, Swift, and others.

Dr. Grandin presently works as a Professor of Animal Science at Colorado State University. She also speaks around the world on both autism and cattle handling. At every Future Horizons conference on autism, the audience rates her presentation as 10+.


(as stated on her website http://www.templegrandin.com/)

[violaine]

i just listened to a review of the film, based on temple grandin's life-

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2010/02/05/2010-02-05_claire_danes_performance_keeps_hbos_temple_gran din_from_becoming_sentimental.html


when temple visits the farm of a family member, the director turns up the volume to make everything louder, and everything - even visuals more frightening -


"inspirational movie" & temple certainly shows the connection between animal/human behaviour.

i think she has done such amazing work with the hug machine, humane treatment for farm animals [even though i'm total vegan], i appreciate that she can put herself in slaughterhouse to educate/promote her services and products- due to her inherent realisation about cows "cattle" as she calls them, being hyper.sensitive loud sounds, things out of place - a shadow, thread, chain, train, lighting, hook, [all of which signal to cows danger out in wild], et c.

she is with a keen awareness to surroundings = senses/sensory issues/overload, and that's exactly how i am, too.

[violaine]

not so crazy about how she responded to question asked of her by terry gross on npr- "do you think over time you become less autistic?"

temple said she was becoming "closer to 'normal' "

bah.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I with you on that Violaine. I'm 46.

[Semantics]

not so crazy about how she responded to question asked of her by terry gross on npr- "do you think over time you become less autistic?"

temple said she was becoming "closer to 'normal' "

bah.

I was just listening to that interview.

John Elder Robinson said something similar in Look me in the Eye. He explained that he didn't learn how to express emotion until he was in his forties. Robinson actually mentions Temple Grandin in his book, saying that she experienced a similar evolution.

My oldest (16) is in intensive social training and one of the things he studies is understanding body language and facial expressions. If it works and he can eventually do this, I imagine that he will feel differently and closer to "normal", as Grandin and Robinson mentioned.


I know that it can be annoying to hear people talk about being normal (and I have to say it does make me :twitch: a little, too). It implies that anything other than typical is wrong or bad, but I've tried to adjust my thinking about it. My children are unique and I love them as they are, and I don't have them in therapies because I expect them to be "fixed" -but because if it helps them live an easier life by having the ability to understand other people, and appropriate social behavior, I'm all for it.

[violaine]

semantics :snowballfight:

thank you for writing here :bouquet: good on you for being so involved in making life easier on your 16 year old :bouquet: the part you wrote about 'adjusting your thinking' is a h.u.g.e. dealio :nixon:

loved 'look me in the eye' and robison [and the work of his brother!].

support groups with parents, gparents, aunts, partners, et c. of people somewhere on the spectrum mixed with aspies can really open the eyes/minds of one another. parents [et c] open to 'adjusting their thinking' really stand a chance of being less fault-finding, having more patience, less pressuring of aspie to 'go outside and play like everyone else' and/or 'be normal'. acceptance of wiring differences really is essential- and i, too, always need to work on having some more patience/understanding for NTs!! ;)

i can pull out the annoying bits and pieces from any source- dog behaviour, guinea pig books, neurological writings, spirituality, on and on- and take away the really stunning parts/words. temple grandin has accomplished so much, that i admire her for all of that passion, education, educating, and honesty.

:anothersnowman: :bunchflowers:

[violaine]

http://www.johnrobison.com/

[Andrew, Jr.]

Just dropping by to say hello. I am sick with pneumonia. And I am just exhausted. I hope everyone is doing well, and life is being kind to everyone.

Andrew

:tango:

[violaine]

[QUOTE=Spirit Dancer;43908]Temple Grandin, Ph.D., is the most accomplished and well-known adult with autism in the world. Now her fascinating life, with all its challenges and successes is being brought to the screen. HBO has produced the full-length film Temple Grandin, which premieres on Saturday, February 6th on HBO. She has been featured on NPR (National Public Radio), major television programs, such as the BBC special "The Woman Who Thinks Like a Cow", ABC's Primetime Live, The Today Show, Larry King Live, 48 Hours and 20/20, and has been written about in many national publications, such as Time magazine, People magazine, Forbes, U.S. News and World Report, and New York Times. Among numerous other recognitions by media, Bravo Cable did a half-hour show on her life, and she was featured in the best-selling book, Anthropologist from Mars.

Dr. Grandin didn't talk until she was three and a half years old, communicating her frustration instead by screaming, peeping, and humming. In 1950, she was diagnosed with autism and her parents were told she should be institutionalized. She tells her story of "groping her way from the far side of darkness" in her book Emergence: Labeled Autistic, a book which stunned the world because, until its publication, most professionals and parents assumed that an autism diagnosis was virtually a death sentence to achievement or productivity in life.

Dr. Grandin has become a prominent author and speaker on the subject of autism because "I have read enough to know that there are still many parents, and yes, professionals too, who believe that 'once autistic, always autistic.' This dictum has meant sad and sorry lives for many children diagnosed, as I was in early life, as autistic. To these people, it is incomprehensible that the characteristics of autism can be modified and controlled. However, I feel strongly that I am living proof that they can" (from Emergence: Labeled Autistic).

Even though she was considered "weird" in her young school years, she eventually found a mentor, who recognized her interests and abilities. Dr. Grandin later developed her talents into a successful career as a livestock-handling equipment designer, one of very few in the world. She has now designed the facilities in which half the cattle are handled in the United States, consulting for firms such as Burger King, McDonald's, Swift, and others.

Dr. Grandin presently works as a Professor of Animal Science at Colorado State University. She also speaks around the world on both autism and cattle handling. At every Future Horizons conference on autism, the audience rates her presentation as 10+.


(as stated on her website http://www.templegrandin.com/)

just found your post- :flyingweed:

great minds ;)

ox

[violaine]

http://aspergersquare8.blogspot.com/2009/07/neurotypical-privilege-working-document.html


The Checklist of Neurotypical Privilege

I have never been asked to prove that I am neurotypical.

I am allowed to use the word “we” without being accused of trying to speak for all neurotypical people.

I can share my opinions publicly without fear of being accused of not really being neurotypical.

I can assume that police officers will not become alarmed at my natural body language, and find it necessary to subdue me in advance of any wrongdoing.

I can reveal to my boss and coworkers that I am NT, without fear of losing my job.

I can assume that most restaurants, theaters, stores and other places I would like to go will not be so loud or brightly lit or crowded that I will become unable to function at a basic level.

I can easily find other NT people in movies or on television shows that are not explicitly about being neurotypical.

When people realize I am neurotypical, they do not ask me if I am like a particular character they have seen in a movie.

I do not have to fear that important decisions about my life will be made by autistic or other non-neurotypical people, just because I am neurotypical.

I am not expected to alter or suppress my natural ways of moving, interacting or expressing emotion in most circumstances.

If I fail to alter or suppress my natural ways of moving, interacting or expressing emotion, I do not fear public ridicule or exclusion because of this.

When seeking medical care, I am not expected to reveal that I am NT.

When attempting to purchase health insurance, I do not fear I will be rejected because I am NT.

The majority of people who make the laws of my nation share my neurology.
I am never or rarely asked to explain what it means or what it is like to be neurotypical.

I can talk about my life without being asked what I think may have caused me to be neurotypical.

If I have a medical problem, I do not worry that my doctor will dismiss it as part of my neurotypicality.

If I am happy with the way my mind works, no one questions this or argues that most people with similar brains would prefer to be different.

People don’t usually confuse me with another neurotypical person, or expect me to take responsibility for what the other person has said.

I am not assumed to be incapable of empathy or compassion.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Violaine,

You are lucky. I feel like I have to explain everything under the sun online. In real time, no - never. I think it is because I am lousy with words.

[AtLast]

I am so glad to see this thread! I know that I am not the only person that may have misread or interpreted online communications due to someone having a neurological issue (I don't like using disorder). I have a nephew with Asberger's that has certainly had a lot of negative stuff thrown at him and been very misunderstood. Certainly know a few stroke victims/survivors as well as other brain injured people.

Thinking a lot (for myself to pay attention to) about how it can be very difficult to communicate online anyway, but, if someone has a neurotypal dimension involved, it could be all the more difficult.

So, thank you all for making me aware!

[violaine]

:reader::farmtree:

asperger spectrum wiring = atypical / AT

non.spectrum wiring = neurotypical / NT

mostly, i think of others as being on a spectrum somewhere with something [hay! issues, quirks, ways of processing info, experiences, et c. cannot exclusive to me! ;)]- & so i believe people can meet in the middle to "see" each other-

however, when something happens - and it does/will !! it can be so small, and terribly clear to me, yet the "thing" whatever it is, causes confusion elsewhere, i realise, how a "whatever file" at times is just going to be necessary - between AT/NT ; NT/NT ; and AT/AT !

[christie]

I was just listening to that interview.

John Elder Robinson said something similar in Look me in the Eye. He explained that he didn't learn how to express emotion until he was in his forties. Robinson actually mentions Temple Grandin in his book, saying that she experienced a similar evolution.

My oldest (16) is in intensive social training and one of the things he studies is understanding body language and facial expressions. If it works and he can eventually do this, I imagine that he will feel differently and closer to "normal", as Grandin and Robinson mentioned.


I know that it can be annoying to hear people talk about being normal (and I have to say it does make me :twitch: a little, too). It implies that anything other than typical is wrong or bad, but I've tried to adjust my thinking about it. My children are unique and I love them as they are, and I don't have them in therapies because I expect them to be "fixed" -but because if it helps them live an easier life by having the ability to understand other people, and appropriate social behavior, I'm all for it.

Bratboy is now 16 and has learned to navigate social cues, body language, voice inflection and all the other things in nonverbal communication pretty well.

I rue the day that he mastered sarcasm. Now, he says something wise-assed and drips, "THAT, Mommmmm, was sarcasm."

Oh goodie.

[Semantics]

Bratboy is now 16 and has learned to navigate social cues, body language, voice inflection and all the other things in nonverbal communication pretty well.

I rue the day that he mastered sarcasm. Now, he says something wise-assed and drips, "THAT, Mommmmm, was sarcasm."

Oh goodie.



It feels weird to say that I'd love to hear sarcasm from my teenage son. :lol2:

[christie]

It feels weird to say that I'd love to hear sarcasm from my teenage son. :lol2:


:goodpost:

Or that something is a cause for celebration in age-appropriateness... like surfing internet porn.

:cracked:

[Semantics]

:goodpost:

Or that something is a cause for celebration in age-appropriateness... like surfing internet porn.

:cracked:

Before I had children I never imagined that I'd rather see porn on my son's computer than a bunch of highly ordered links on accelerator physics and whatever synchrocyclotrons and isochronous cyclotrons are. :blah:


He did tell his therapist that he is interested in dating at some point, and that he would take his date to a movie so that he didn't have to talk much. :stillheart: :lol2:

[Andrew, Jr.]

My godchild...she is 14 yo. And yes, she took nude pictures of herself, and posted them online for all to see. Within 3 hours of doing this the State Police and the FBI were at my Godmother's home. My godchild had to explain to the State Police and the FBI what was going on.

Next she was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Now we have to wait to see what charges she is going to be charged with, plus hire an attorney. And how we are going to pay for all of this...God only knows. This will stick with my 14 yo godchild forever, per both the FBI and the State Police. I just shake my head.

So please watch what your kids are doing online. It really is a nightmare. And whatever you do, do not let them watch porn online. If they get caught, their name and porn will always be associated with each other. Jobs are hard enough to find, and to have that label attached to your name, can you imagine how tough it will be then? As far as I am concerned, my godchild just blew away her future.

[christie]

Before I had children I never imagined that I'd rather see porn on my son's computer than a bunch of highly ordered links on accelerator physics and whatever synchrocyclotrons and isochronous cyclotrons are. :blah:


He did tell his therapist that he is interested in dating at some point, and that he would take his date to a movie so that he didn't have to talk much. :stillheart: :lol2:

Amen! and the taking her to a movie is JUST precious!!

[violaine]

:gimmehug: :bouquet: :cheer:

"... "people in our society identify too strongly with what they have, including how they look." Such insecurity-based pride really is at the basis of many of our defensive/hostile reactions. ... "


"... Focus -- I can focus for so long I forget to eat some days. Once I'm on the net researching new data, forget it. My stomach growls and I may or may not interrupt my research to shut it up. I'm not sure I ate yesterday, I'm trying to remember..."


"... I, and others, don't feel that Asperger's is a disorder. I feel it is a neurological difference. You can SEE the difference on a brain scan. We are literally hard-wired differently than a neuro-typical person... "

"... What can't be discounted, or so it seems to me, is that one person's experience of living in the world is one person's experience of living in the world, and perhaps the best we can do is tell our own experience honestly while listening to others with sensitivity, compassion, and occasional insight rather than passing judgment...."


http://jerobison.blogspot.com/2009/09/part-ii-of-females-view-of-aspergers.html

running with scissors/a wolf at the table/robison's brother:

http://www.augusten.com/site/index.php

[Andrew, Jr.]

Dearest Belle, :dog:: smladybug: :goat: :fishswim: :bulldog: :cluck:

When I am thinking or doing something, I never remember to eat, or take my meds, or do whatever I am suppose to do. I just get caught up in the activity I am doing. I have to write down lists every day. I have to have a priority of what I am doing and for how long, etc. If I don't, then forget anything that has to be done.

I have a yellow post-it on my front door that reads:
1. Turn off the coffee pot. :coffee:
2. Make sure all the furkids are inside with toys, food & water. :dogwalking:

If I don't then everything goes to he** in a handbag in a heartbeat.

You are so not alone in that. I am right there too.

Love,
Your brother, Andrew

:waterski: :frog:
:pipe:

[violaine]

changing plans - repeatedly, coupled with high speed communication of changes, can throw me into anxiety-

[Andrew, Jr.]

Word Jumbles...I don't need to buy them. I experience them all the time in real time. :pointing: :freak:

Andrew
:hanging:

[violaine]

i have not really wanted a separation of AS, because in my own experiences with living on the spectrum, i am in fact, all over the spectrum- exceptionally high functioning some areas, as well as medium to low.

Eliminating the Asperger's diagnosis won't mean that people in that category will lose access to services, Grinker says. That's because "almost anybody with an Asperger's diagnosis also could qualify for what is called autistic disorder," he says, adding that the change could make it easier for some parents to get help for a child with Asperger's.

Right now, states including California provide services to children with autism but not those with Asperger's, Grinker says. "So removing Asperger's really removes what is a false barrier to parents getting care for their kids."

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/s...ryId=123527833

[Andrew, Jr.]

Violaine,

I think that is why the medical community is behind eliminating this. That way they get their hands on more money for something else. I see it just as politics, pure and simple.

I am high functioning as well. I always get asked why can I be this way but have this disability. Like I would lie about my health. Sheesh. I would love for people to walk in my shoes for just one day. Then they would know how hard life is.

[PearlsNLace]

As both a member of the medical community who has spent long hours advocating for funds to be released for a patients care,

and as a foster parent who has struggled withing the constraints of a broken system to get care for a child underdiagnosed,

I am all for changes that give money to more people. Access to care is vital. I could care less what column the damn x needs to fall on what application to make it happen. What matters is that there is money to get the care needed.

Fighting for money to cover care is exhausting both for families/clients and for the healthcare team. It is exhaustive, repetitive, and often feels futile riddled with few results and occasional miracles when something gets pushed through.

[Jess]

Good article with links to other aspie related articles at bottom...

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=123567371&ps=cprs

[violaine]

http://wamu.org/programs/dr/10/02/16.php


The Latest on Aspergers and Autism
A move to include Aspergers within the definition of autism has raised concerns of families, physicians, educators and insurance companies. The latest on our understanding of Aspergers syndrome.

Guests
Dr. Fred Volkmar, professor of child psychiatry and director of the Yale University Child Study Center at Yale University School of Medicine and an international authority on autism spectrum disorders. Coauthor of A Practical Guide to Autism with his wife Lisa Wiesner.

Gardiner Harris, science reporter for "The New York Times"

Dr. Edwin Cook, an autism researcher at the University of Illinois Chicago and member of the American Psychiatric Association's work group proposing the changes to their diagnostic manual.

[violaine]

http://happyaspies.wordpress.com/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/my-life-aspergers

[violaine]

When you take a drug to treat high blood pressure or diabetes, you have an objective test to measure blood pressure and the amount of sugar in the blood. It is straight-forward. With autism, you are looking for changes in behavior.
Temple Grandin

sometimes parents/supporters will think a person on the spectrum might have behaviour 'coming out of the blue' - look closely - what situation[s] preceded any change?

several examples- changes: in environment- someone coming or going; remodeling at home/work-moved from or to another space; holiday seasons; diet; noises; dealing w/people who are argumentative/threatening; relocating; travel; and so on.

NPR show diane rehm is discussing asperger now.

[violaine]

http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=2427&a=19737

[Kimbo]

Autism and hormones

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/15/AR2010021501984.html (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/15/AR2010021501984.html)

[violaine]

about the spray :) i heard about it on the news/npr. thank you for posting the article :snowballfight:

here are some more really good autism news stories:

http://www.theautismnews.com/

why autism is different for girls = very interesting.

[StoneFinn]

stops in and says hello (and hello again to everyone)

[Andrew, Jr.]

Hiya StoneFinn!

:playingcat:

[Jess]

Driving back home a little while ago, I got to catch the Fresh Air interview with Temple Grandin. What an amazing spirit! I recorded the HBO special for Christie and I to watch. I look forward to it even more now.

Hope everyone gets to catch it!

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2010/01/temple_grandins_improbable_jou.html this is the fresh air interview!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Thank you Jess. I don't have HBO, but I will look for it on that youtube.

You are the bomb!

Love,
Andrew

[StoneFinn]

Hiya StoneFinn!

:playingcat:

Heya Andrew :) Thank you, and you can call me finn or even han (tattooed_han)....

[Apocalipstic]

Hi there! :)

I was diagnosed with AS after suspecting it for a while a year or so ago...or maybe two, I am spun and not thinking clearly.

I really enjoyed the thread on the other website and will read all of this one and come back to chat!

Thank you Urs and Belle! :clap:

[suebee]

Cross-posting this from the animal rescue thread. It's an interview with Temple Grandin - some of the same quotes have already been posted here. It's a great insight into the different ways we perceive, process and use information. The interview is here (http://dogtime.com/temple-grandin.html).

I know I'm often puzzled by the way people perceive my words. At times I'm much more aware and able to communicate in a way that's easily heard. At other times I'm truly surprised at others' reactions, and the way I perceive others.

Life. It's a learning process. *sigh*

[Apocalipstic]

Cross-posting this from the animal rescue thread. It's an interview with Temple Grandin - some of the same quotes have already been posted here. It's a great insight into the different ways we perceive, process and use information. The interview is here (http://dogtime.com/temple-grandin.html).

I know I'm often puzzled by the way people perceive my words. At times I'm much more aware and able to communicate in a way that's easily heard. At other times I'm truly surprised at others' reactions, and the way I perceive others.

Life. It's a learning process. *sigh*

I am very amazed at how people perceive what I say, especially recently.

Life has been in an uproar for the past year or so, and I just can't seem to get calmed down and organized and back in my groove.

I will write or say things, and while it can seem quite clear to me, the opposite of what I am trying to say is perceived.....

I feel pretty lost and overwhelmed and sensitive.

When I am in meltdown, I have to cut the tags out of all my clothes, wear soft things, make sure my hair is not pulling, control sounds and light around me, even the scent.

I am going to order the sensitive book, maybe that will give me more ideas on how to cope.

Loving this thread.

:lips:

[violaine]

lovely jen,

hallo :cherry:

one of the most slaying situations ever for me is when i'm feeling open/vulnerable and seeking further clarification, but the response i receive is so over-the-top-over-correcting as if i'm being unkind! :( [then, to make matters worse, i cannot handle trying to figure out/deal with other possible angry behavioural issues all connected to the perceived need to 'over-correct' me in the first place !]. wears me out! why not just ask for more information before of lashing out?

whatever i said open/vulnerable becomes overlooked, and the person has seen me in a bad light, and is responding in a way that does not compute. sometimes trying to make the situation better for others sure narrows my own freedom to express verbally or emotionally a full range. that gets frustrating.

ps- my close aspie friend andrew just apologies mostly for misunderstandings. i would prefer to have dialogue and understand/be understood whenever possible.

[Apocalipstic]

lovely jen,

hallo :cherry:

one of the most slaying situations ever for me is when i'm feeling open/vulnerable and seeking further clarification, but the response i receive is so over-the-top-over-correcting as if i'm being unkind! :( [then, to make matters worse, i cannot handle trying to figure out/deal with other possible angry behavioural issues all connected to the perceived need to 'over-correct' me in the first place !]. wears me out! why not just ask for more information before of lashing out?

whatever i said open/vulnerable becomes overlooked, and the person has seen me in a bad light, and is responding in a way that does not compute. sometimes trying to make the situation better for others sure narrows my own freedom to express verbally or emotionally a full range. that gets frustrating.

ps- my close aspie friend andrew just apologies mostly for misunderstandings. i would prefer to have dialogue and understand/be understood whenever possible.


I have been experiencing this lately, being singled out as being unkind or pitting people against each other, when if I read the posts they make logical sense to me and the last think I want is to be unkind.

Am trying to not be so direct and short, but that seems to get me in even more trouble.

Sometimes I just apologize. But my friends all say I apologize way too much and that gets on people's nerves too. The other day, I walked into the kitchen and said to Cynthia "I apologize for anything I may have ever done or may ever do to irritate you".

I don't know.

[Bit]

*waves hello to everyone*

The other day, I walked into the kitchen and said to Cynthia "I apologize for anything I may have ever done or may ever do to irritate you".


OMG! I've been apologizing in advance for years!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jen}}}}}}}}}}}}} Honey, it's been an AWFUL year for you, and the one before it wasn't a whole lot better. Hang in there and give it time--things really will get better.

[Apocalipstic]

really???

I am not the only over-appologizer?

:happyjump:

[Andrew, Jr.]

I just apologize to just end it. Otherwise it tends to be like a long, drug out press conference where nothing comes out right for me. In other words, for me it is like this >>>:deadhorse:. Sometimes there are some who want to start or instigate a fight and I am so not like that. I walk right away. :byebye: Too many times I have been in a position of defeat, and coming from a childhood abuse situation...it just stirs up bad feelings for me. So I walk away. I am a practicing Buddist/Christain. I believe in forgiveness, turning the other cheek, and praying for other people.

I am not good with words or reading comprehension. It takes me literally hours to read and reread threads and posts. Some I grasp ok, and some I struggle with. Words tangle me up like fishing line. And some folks think its cute and funny, but really it isn't. It is very frustrating, and very upsetting. If you only could walk a day in my shoes. Just a day. Or go and volunteer at a neuro. rehab. center for a day. See how that is. Then you can criticize me all you want. Until that point, no. Nobody has a right to critize or put down anyone who has any neurolog. disorder or disease.

Love,
Andrew

PS: Belle, you are a doll! Big love to the piggies!

PSS: Apocalipstic, you are a doll too! It is in our DNA that we all share here. You, me, Belle, and I believe Bit is one of us too.

[Apocalipstic]

Andrew, I want to say that I never have a problem reading your posts. I think you are a very good writer.

[violaine]

i would like to touch on why people apologise so often, please- if anyone cares to explore deeper the topic? is it due to [or more/other than] feeling like words will come out all wrong in general [once a certain point in conversation has been reached]- or due to not wanting to take up so much time of another person, upsetting someone or even yourself further, past experiences, et c.

how can there be a happier medium, i wonder? where the communication chasm gets smaller, and frustrations lessen?

ohk. time for me to run some errands, and find out about some animal control related matters. hope you all have a wonderful afternoon. i'm crazy for people in this thread :)

:hanging:

[Andrew, Jr.]

Apocalipstic,

I actually start working on my writing before I post. I have to look up words. I even have people read what I am going to post beforehand. Unless I am angry. Then I let it rip. :explode: Thank you for your kind remarks. I appreciate it.


Belle,

I walk away. I talk to my furkids. I disconnect from here, and go onto my other hobbies. It is only when someone pushes me to the cliff. We all know the experiences. Or someone will say that we are hiding. No, it is a matter of protecting ourselves from jerks.

[Apocalipstic]

i would like to touch on why people apologise so often, please- if anyone cares to explore deeper the topic? is it due to [or more/other than] feeling like words will come out all wrong in general [once a certain point in conversation has been reached]- or due to not wanting to take up so much time of another person, upsetting someone or even yourself further, past experiences, et c.

how can there be a happier medium, i wonder? where the communication chasm gets smaller, and frustrations lessen?

ohk. time for me to run some errands, and find out about some animal control related matters. hope you all have a wonderful afternoon. i'm crazy for people in this thread :)

:hanging:



I think for me it is a combination, but mostly due to past trauma and not wanting to take up anyones time or space or disturb anyone.

I appologize all over myself when frustrated.

Apocalipstic,

I actually start working on my writing before I post. I have to look up words. I even have people read what I am going to post beforehand. Unless I am angry. Then I let it rip. :explode:


Belle,

I walk away. I talk to my furkids. I disconnect from here, and go onto my other hobbies. It is only when someone pushes me to the cliff. We all know the experiences. Or someone will say that we are hiding. No, it is a matter of protecting ourselves from jerks.

protection is a great thing! :)

[Andrew, Jr.]

Yes it is. I never understood why people would say that to me that I was hiding. Sheesh.

[Apocalipstic]

Yes it is. I never understood why people would say that to me that I was hiding. Sheesh.



Ha, I do hide.

[violaine]

maybe sometime down the road, we could have a chat night? there is a group [WLS- weight loss support ] who meet once a week.

what do you think?

[Kimbo]

Apocalipstic I am very curious about how you came about being diagnosed later in life. I have been really struggling for quite some time now, because I am in full blown butch-o-pause everything is getting blamed on that. I read in here and am amazed at how much I relate to things. I know that many are diagnosed earlier in life. I have ADD, diagnosed by my clinical Dr but I am considering seeing a Psychiatrist. When I had my physical last month my Dr again keeps wanting to prescribe meds for some of the pausal symptoms I am having but every time I do something like this is makes my head worse. I have lost much of my reading comprehension, my thought process is really garbled, I struggle communicating and keeping my head from going in circles and if I am tired, forget communication. This is really becoming an issue for me—and the frustration I feel trying to communicate just makes things worse and adds to my anxiety level. My retention of data is nonexistent and people often have to tell me things several times before it sticks in the ol’ gray matter. It feels like I am losing the battle. How did your diagnosis come about and by who, if I may ask? I do IT for a living—data and detail are mandatory parts of my job and I’m really struggling at work and they have noticed. I went from getting the employee of the month 3 months in a row to the worst evaluation I’ve had in 30+ years of employment.

I don’t mind taking meds if needed but I need to know that I am taking the right meds for what is going on in my head—taking meds normally given to treat people with bipolar for my night sweats just doesn’t seem right. Due to past health issues I am unable to take any HRT but I see the impact of my hormones on my ADD and really I am wondering if there isn’t something deeper in my brain that should be evaluated. When I spoke with my Dr about this her response was—call your insurance company and see what they say. That response was quite frustrating to me.

I’m very curious as to how you all came about your diagnosis.

And the apologizing thing---oy vey! Raising my hand!

[Kimbo]

maybe sometime down the road, we could have a chat night? there is a group [WLS- weight loss support ] who meet once a week.

what do you think?

Great idea!

[Apocalipstic]

Apocalipstic I am very curious about how you came about being diagnosed later in life. I have been really struggling for quite some time now, because I am in full blown butch-o-pause everything is getting blamed on that. I read in here and am amazed at how much I relate to things. I know that many are diagnosed earlier in life. I have ADD, diagnosed by my clinical Dr but I am considering seeing a Psychiatrist. When I had my physical last month my Dr again keeps wanting to prescribe meds for some of the pausal symptoms I am having but every time I do something like this is makes my head worse. I have lost much of my reading comprehension, my thought process is really garbled, I struggle communicating and keeping my head from going in circles and if I am tired, forget communication. This is really becoming an issue for me—and the frustration I feel trying to communicate just makes things worse and adds to my anxiety level. My retention of data is nonexistent and people often have to tell me things several times before it sticks in the ol’ gray matter. It feels like I am losing the battle. How did your diagnosis come about and by who, if I may ask? I do IT for a living—data and detail are mandatory parts of my job and I’m really struggling at work and they have noticed. I went from getting the employee of the month 3 months in a row to the worst evaluation I’ve had in 30+ years of employment.

I don’t mind taking meds if needed but I need to know that I am taking the right meds for what is going on in my head—taking meds normally given to treat people with bipolar for my night sweats just doesn’t seem right. Do to past health issues I am unable to take any HRT but I see the impact of my hormones on my ADD and really I am wondering if there isn’t something deeper in my brain that should be evaluated. When I spoke with my Dr about this her response was—call your insurance company and see what they say. That response was quite frustrating to me.

I’m very curious as to how you all came about your diagnosis.

And the apologizing thing---oy vey! Raising my hand!


I began to research after my G/F pointed out how much I fall. She wondered if something was wrong. Things just jump out of my hands and off shelves around me. As I read I noticed other things like I have ticks and stims (like flapping when I get overwhelmed or rubbing my thumb and index fingers together in circles and other things.)

A Urologist suggested it might be MS, based on some other symptoms and I visited an neurologist who thought it might be just being fat or could be neurological. I then visited a psychiatrist who had me take some tests and talk for a really long time (hours) with a Nurse Practitioner and together they thought based on my past and so forth that AS. fibromialgia and PTSD might be the explanation (I had been diagnosed with PTSD in my 20's).

It did not seem like a very exact science for me and to be honest, I am still unsure if that is an accurate diagnosis. I sort of think everyone is at a different place on the neurological scale and we all experience things differently.

I do take medication and have found it very helpful. I also have significantly changed my footwear and clothing which helps with stability/mobility and am in therapy. I'm sure being Butch you have not been wearing unstable shoes, but for me it was a huge deal to change to solid sensible footwear (ugh).

Without medication I am a huge mess.

I hope this helps, feel free to ask me anything on this thread or in PM.

:)

[Andrew, Jr.]

Per Belle, This is what I have come up with when I know I am out of control. Now, please bear with me because this is sort of a rush job.

Those who torment me, and others who have neuro. diseases/disorders I believe they do so because they have some resentment or envy of me/others. Why? I have no clue. Who really knows what is going on in anyone's mind these days. Why don't children help the elderly cross a busy road anymore?

Those who are master manipulators like my bio-father, who also torments me, I believe it gives him/them a "one up". Like a power ranking on earth or something. It boosts his/their ego to put someone down. He/they are very demeaning, and aggressive about how he/they go about it. It can be with the words used, repetition of a certain behavior, or knowing that what he/they are doing is intentionally inflicting emotional pain on me or another human being. For example, my father always telling my sisters that they were fat, ugly, and stupid. To this very day, they always remember that those 3 horrible words he uttered. So when I say words hurt. I mean, words hurt.

We all see this by military hazing, political slams, and workplace bullying, even in school bullying now. Heck, kids today now carry knives and guns. I never thought I would see this during my lifetime.

The effects of this are social isolation, constant criticism to the point of believing what your tormentors are saying to and about you (Stockholm Syndrome), the lies and rumors become true to you. You loose sight of who and what you are. For example, in some sick way my father thought that beating me, and locking me in a closet were going to make me a straight woman. Boy was he wrong. :boxers:

The end result can be more isolation, loneliness, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even suicide. And nobody deserves that. Nobody.

I take meds on a reg. basis. I also have some ticks. All are doable. Life is good. But when someone threatens me with criticism, or demons, it sends me right over the edge. I also find it quite rude when someone bad mouths my late sister and late younger brother. They are not here to defend themselves. I can only do the best I can. I think until you yourself bury your own siblings, you have no room to talk.


Kimbo,

I was diagnosed very early with my learning disabilities thanks to my oldest sister. I failed in school. In fact, I failed anything that was organized. It made no sense to me. I also am colorblind. I would make an appt with a neurologist, and also have testing done by a therapist. See what the results come out to be. Mine were pretty much the same as Apoc.

I wish you peace.

Andrew

[ruthie14]

Ok ...Deep breath.. I just took that sensitive test and scored a 25. Is this a surprise to me, no.. I have been told I am an empath...so yes I feel things greatly. That it relates to asbergers and the autism spectrum. Yes and no. Wow.. a lot to process for me right now. The funny thing is, is that I have been working with children who have asbergers and autism for more than 20 years. It always seems I have had a connection to the children in my care that is a rare gift. I seem to understand what they need without words... and with all kids for that matter, but in particular with my clients,students and friends with this "different wiring." I hope you don't mind if I join your group here.. I find your openess and honesty a wonderful gift. You all are very inspiring to me. Thanks for who you are..

[suebee]

Reading through the posts - such a jigsaw puzzle understanding ourselves! It's all overwhelming at times. Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm following along. Don't post often 'cause quite frankly I find it too much to deal with. But I'm lurking. Like the idea of a chat night.

Sue

[violaine]

has anyone ever told you during a heated moment that you have a 'mental deficit" ?

[Liam]

has anyone ever told you during a heated moment that you have a 'mental deficit" ?




I was told that I was, "damaged goods," I think they were inferring that.

[violaine]

[QUOTE=Andrew, Jr.;57809]Per Belle, This is what I have come up with when I know I am out of control. Now, please bear with me because this is sort of a rush job.

Those who torment me, and others who have neuro. diseases/disorders I believe they do so because they have some resentment or envy of me/others. Why? I have no clue. Who really knows what is going on in anyone's mind these days. Why don't children help the elderly cross a busy road anymore?

thank you, mr. andrew :theisland: for opening up a discusson about people who do not understand where AT wiring/needs/coping-skills, et c may be coming from- and do not get it [or may not ever get it].

Those who are master manipulators like my bio-father, who also torments me, I believe it gives him/them a "one up". Like a power ranking on earth or something. It boosts his/their ego to put someone down. He/they are very demeaning, and aggressive about how he/they go about it. It can be with the words used, repetition of a certain behavior, or knowing that what he/they are doing is intentionally inflicting emotional pain on me or another human being. For example, my father always telling my sisters that they were fat, ugly, and stupid. To this very day, they always remember that those 3 horrible words he uttered. So when I say words hurt. I mean, words hurt.

yes, they do for a lot of people. i've heard name-calling and/or been accused of having a- 'mental deficit' ; heard phrases like - 'what is 'wrong' with you? and 'you know what you are doing. does that mean there is an insinuation of deliberation on my end of playing a game? ha. i am like a big yellow school bus coming down the road - nothing is hidden with my intentions. however, when my truth is disputed, there's physical/bodily over-reaction, and comments made like 'mental deficit', and so on, i think that's going into a serious button-pushing zone.

We all see this by military hazing, political slams, and workplace bullying, even in school bullying now. Heck, kids today now carry knives and guns. I never thought I would see this during my lifetime.

The effects of this are social isolation, constant criticism to the point of believing what your tormentors are saying to and about you (Stockholm Syndrome), the lies and rumors become true to you. You loose sight of who and what you are. For example, in some sick way my father thought that beating me, and locking me in a closet were going to make me a straight woman. Boy was he wrong. :boxers:

that's really sad, andrew. i'm sorry. you are correct, no one deserves that kind of abuse either.
The end result can be more isolation, loneliness, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even suicide. And nobody deserves that. Nobody.

I take meds on a reg. basis. I also have some ticks. All are doable. Life is good. But when someone threatens me with criticism, or demons, it sends me right over the edge. I also find it quite rude when someone bad mouths my late sister and late younger brother. They are not here to defend themselves. I can only do the best I can. I think until you yourself bury your own siblings, you have no room to talk.

constructive criticism is one thing to learn from, but not the kind attacking who you are, or 'misperceptions' of who you are/what you are doing wrong. open-discourse is always a desirable option to me - to agree to disagree !


Kimbo,

I was diagnosed very early with my learning disabilities thanks to my oldest sister. I failed in school. In fact, I failed anything that was organized. It made no sense to me. I also am colorblind. I would make an appt with a neurologist, and also have testing done by a therapist. See what the results come out to be. Mine were pretty much the same as Apoc.

I wish you peace.

Andrew

[violaine]

[QUOTE=Liam;58262]I was told that I was, "damaged goods," I think they were inferring that.

liam,

hi there :) friend :listening:

interesting choices for us are the phrases 'damaged goods', and 'mental deficit' -

:sermon:

beyond :pacman:careless:pacman:

[violaine]

[QUOTE=Kimbo;57798]
[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=teal]I don’t mind taking meds if needed but I need to know that I am taking the right meds for what is going on in my head—taking meds normally given to treat people with bipolar for my night sweats just doesn’t seem right. Due to past health issues I am unable to take any HRT but I see the impact of my hormones on my ADD and really I am wondering if there isn’t something deeper in my brain that should be evaluated. When I spoke with my Dr about this her response was—call your insurance company and see what they say. That response was quite frustrating to me.

I’m very curious as to how you all came about your diagnosis.

And the apologizing thing---oy vey! Raising my hand!

:ohm::reader::smelling-flower:

hallo dear kimbo!

i was diagnosed many years ago by an ASD expert in her field, and the medication i take has been wellbutrin xl 150 one time a day, forever. this one helps take the edge off anxiety. i'm drug [chemically] sensitive, and do not tolerate very meds in general.

hope you have a stellar weekend :) ~~> :sushi: <~~ for your bella kitty

more links:

http://www.proedinc.com/customer/productLists.aspx?idCategory=11


http://autismbulletin.blogspot.com/2007/08/autistic-kids-score-better-on.html

http://www.enotalone.com/article/6866.html

This team generally includes a psychologist, neurologist, psychiatrist, speech therapist, and additional professionals who have expertise in diagnosing children with AS.

The comprehensive evaluation includes neurologic and genetic assessment, with in-depth cognitive and language testing to establish IQ and evaluate psychomotor function, verbal and non-verbal strengths and weaknesses, style of learning, and independent living skills. An assessment of communication strengths and weaknesses includes evaluating non-verbal forms of communication (gaze and gestures); the use of non-literal language (metaphor, irony, absurdities, and humor); patterns of inflection, stress and volume modulation; pragmatics (turn-taking and sensitivity to verbal cues); and the content, clarity, and coherence of conversation. The physician will look at the testing results and combine them with the child’s developmental history and current symptoms to make a diagnosis.

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/detail_asperger.htm

*asperger syndrome is on a spectrum- not all of the behaviours will look the same/manifest in everyone * several of them kill me - like lack of empathy, and/or obsessions. i have interests, thank you ;)

[Outlaw]

[COLOR=black][COLOR=teal].....I have lost much of my reading comprehension, my thought process is really garbled, I struggle communicating and keeping my head from going in circles and if I am tired, forget communication. This is really becoming an issue for me—and the frustration I feel trying to communicate just makes things worse and adds to my anxiety level. My retention of data is nonexistent and people often have to tell me things several times before it sticks in the ol’ gray matter. It feels like I am losing the battle. How did your diagnosis come about and by who, if I may ask?

[FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"]I would encourage anyone who has medical/psychiatric/cognitive/neurological concerns to do some internet research on Lyme disease. Folks with Lyme are often misdiagnosed with a plethora of other diseases and syndromes that don't quite fit and therefore delay diagnosis and the onset of treatment. Lyme is often called the great imitator because upon initial consultation, it can present like MS, ALS, Depression/Anxiety/OCD, ADD, Fibro, Mono, Chronic Fatigue etc.

Keep an open mind, as most people with Lyme don't recall ever getting bit by a tic and as few as 35% report Lyme's "signature" bullseye rash. If the bull's-eye rash (erythema migrans) does appear, it can present years after getting bit and infected

Here are a few links to get you started: Lyme MD, (http://lymemd.blogspot.com/)
Canadian Lyme Fundation, (http://www.canlyme.com/bottom.html) and the NIH (http://lymemd.blogspot.com/)

There is a lot of information out there and it can be overwhelming, there is also a considerable amount of controversy around diagnosis and treatment. If I can be of any support in the process, or if you're interested in more information and inks I have found helpful, please PM me.

O

[Bit]

Hi Ruthie, welcome! Isn't taking that test amazing? I think that some people are highly sensitive, and some people are Aspies, and some people are both--there seems to be a lot of overlap, yanno?


PSS: Apocalipstic, you are a doll too! It is in our DNA that we all share here. You, me, Belle, and I believe Bit is one of us too.


I'm highly sensitive, Andrew, and I have Fibromyalgia, but I haven't been diagnosed with Asperger's. There are some criteria that I don't fit for the diagnosis.

really???

I am not the only over-appologizer?

:happyjump:

Really... as a matter of fact, I had apologized in advance to Gryph--for EVERYTHING, no matter what I might say or do, lol---just a couple days before I read your post.

i would like to touch on why people apologise so often, please- if anyone cares to explore deeper the topic? is it due to [or more/other than] feeling like words will come out all wrong in general [once a certain point in conversation has been reached]- or due to not wanting to take up so much time of another person, upsetting someone or even yourself further, past experiences, et c


For me, it's more an emotional control kind of thing... when I get overwhelmed and frazzled I don't always have the control to avoid being cranky. I had it well under control for a long time, but once I couldn't take anti-inflammatories anymore it came back, so I think being in physical pain must contribute a lot to it.

Also, taking on the puppy has made it worse; he's a very demanding and overwhelming creature, testosterone-laden teenager that he is now... hm... now that I think about that, I'm most likely to get overwhelmed after a day when he's been misbehaving, especially if he's pulled really hard on the leash and my shoulders are sore.

Sometimes I misinterpret what Gryph says, but sometimes I just get so overwhelmed that I can't keep from.. um... well, let's be polite and call it "cranky griping." When I feel myself getting overwhelmed and I know that's coming on, I apologize to him in advance (for everything, a blanket apology!) so that he'll know not to take ANYTHING personally.

Apocalipstic I am very curious about how you came about being diagnosed later in life. I have been really struggling for quite some time now...........my Dr again keeps wanting to prescribe meds for some of the pausal symptoms I am having but every time I do something like this is makes my head worse. I have lost much of my reading comprehension, my thought process is really garbled, I struggle communicating and keeping my head from going in circles and if I am tired, forget communication. This is really becoming an issue for me—and the frustration I feel trying to communicate just makes things worse and adds to my anxiety level. My retention of data is nonexistent and people often have to tell me things several times before it sticks in the ol’ gray matter. It feels like I am losing the battle..........

Kimbo, correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought you got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia a while back... do I remember that right?

The things you're describing are classic symptoms of Fibro brain fog; that sounds like a really bad Fibro flare (if that's what you have).

The classic treatment for brain fog is an SSRI like Prozac/Zoloft. It regulates your brain and the fog lifts. When I took Prozac for my Fibro, I started sleeping properly right away, my pain lessened, and my brain came back to normal for me--I felt like I was thinking sharply again for the first time in years--and my short term memory started working again.

If you don't have Fibro, I would urge you to see another doctor, a neurologist if you can.

Ooops, time for me to go offline, good night everyone!

[Andrew, Jr.]

For me, I have to focus on what task it is I am doing. If I get interrupted or side tracked by one of my furkids, I have to re-group. I cannot multi-task. No way no how.

Sometimes I say or use words that do not fit the dialogue going on. Then I get strange looks. Or I will be asked like what in the world is your problem? Are you a retard? What is your your problem? Sometimes they walk away from me, which I find very rude.

My bio-father always is insulting me. He just has no idea of how horrible his tongue is. For example, he belittles me for stuttering. Or if I have to repeat words in 3's he looks at me like I'm crazy. He just has no clue.

If I am in a social setting, and those who know of my disabilities, they tend to help me. I hang around them, and I try to listen for key words or jestures (face, hands). Online is so much harder.

Lyme Disease is something that we all should be checked for. I was many times. But I was also diagnosed when I was younger. Good thinking Outlaw.

[Kimbo]

Outlaw..Thanks for mentioning Lymes disease. It was a rheumatologist who diagnosed my Fibro. On initial visit she tested for lymes as well as a plethora of other possible things. I am neg for lymes.

Bit..yes I do have fibro, you are not mistaken. I've tried many of the drugs. I was diagnosed with fibro 12 years ago and as each of the meds were recommended I took them. I have had some ugly reactions to some of them..prozac about killed me. It is because of some of the reactions that I've had that I am very hesitant to try new drugs. Throughout the years my fibro has been for the most part controlled. I had one bad year where I had to take an extended leave from work due to fibro. I have bad days here and there but for the most part I feel that what is going on has gone beyond fibro fog.

[Apocalipstic]

Belle, Yes, I have been called stupid. Yeay. I am not stupid, just I communicate differently and sometimes oddly.

Kimbo, I hated Prozac too, Lexapro has worked best for me.

I can multitask, I have to at work. A lot. But it wears me out. I do get to pick my music and have dim lighting in the room and candles which really helps. Some days when I get home I am just empty. Cynthia has started putting the animals up for 30 minutes when I get home so I can just sit, because otherwise all 4 of them are all over me and I get all confused and overwhelmed even trying to put my work bag down.

Andrew, my father yelled at (and sometimes threatened) me for stuttering too. Now I have weird pauses in my speech during which people assume I have forgotten what I am saying, but really it is so I won't stutter.

[violaine]

dear jen,

i, too, get the pauses or locked verbally,, during communication with people - most awkward on the telephone with strangers [work related]. sometimes, the check out is not very amusing. probably due to feeling somewhat rushed. people are in line behind me while i'm fumbling- handling payment/transaction, & putting items back in purse, et c. if an employee comes over to say hallo, or talk to me, there's too much going on at once!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Apocalipstic, :givingarose:

Oh yes. My father has a razor sharp tongue. Plus he was always good at being highly critical of me. And it was nothing for him to hold a knife at my throat and threaten me. Even when I see him today, in his 80's, he hasn't changed much at all. His tongue is still sharp. And he still calls me derrogatory names, and when I stutter, well, that just seems to add fuel to his belittlement of me.

Someone once asked me if I had chemo. I said no. I asked why they thought that. I was told that I stop talking totally when I start stuttering or saying the same word over repeatedly. It is known as "chemo brain".

[Apocalipstic]

dear jen,

i, too, get the pauses or locked verbally,, during communication with people - most awkward on the telephone with strangers [work related]. sometimes, the check out is not very amusing. probably due to feeling somewhat rushed. people are in line behind me while i'm fumbling- handling payment/transaction, & putting items back in purse, et c. if an employee comes over to say hallo, or talk to me, there's too much going on at once!


I try to send Cynthia to the store when I can, but this weekend at Trader Joe's I did some slow breathing exercizes and was able to avoid getting too overwhelmed.

I make lists and try to be as organized as possible. If I have to fumble for my stuff I am a disaster. It is usually clear what state of mind I am in my how much of a mess my purse and work bag are.

[Apocalipstic]

Apocalipstic, :givingarose:

Oh yes. My father has a razor sharp tongue. Plus he was always good at being highly critical of me. And it was nothing for him to hold a knife at my throat and threaten me. Even when I see him today, in his 80's, he hasn't changed much at all. His tongue is still sharp. And he still calls me derrogatory names, and when I stutter, well, that just seems to add fuel to his belittlement of me.

Someone once asked me if I had chemo. I said no. I asked why they thought that. I was told that I stop talking totally when I start stuttering or saying the same word over repeatedly. It is known as "chemo brain".


As you know my Dad died last January, he was also very abusive. But in 1998 I wrote him a letter stating that I could only have anything to do with his as long as he treated me with respect. We never spoke again.

I still have his voice in my head, but it is getting better thanks to Bit and Gryph, medication, therapy and a lot of great friends listening to me and helping me.

Have you considered walking away? I think I would not be alive now if I had not just walked away.

[Bit]

Awww, Kimbo, I am so sorry that it's gone beyond fibro fog for you! I'm also sorry that the meds cause such problems.

I'm back in fibro fog, myself. Been fighting it off for over a year and thought I had it well at bay, but the signs are unmistakable and undeniable now. Gryph and I are trying to make changes so that I can come back to normal--well, as close as I ever get to "normal"--and the major one is that he walks the dogs in the morning. That's extremely physically difficult for me, especially since the puppy's usually frantic and pulls really hard on the leash; I'm always afraid I'll fall down the steps because he's pulling so hard.

I also have to sleep more. There's just no way around it, even with caffeine. I have to sleep more.

Andrew, I agree with Jen that sometimes it's just better if a person can walk away from someone as difficult as your father is. I hope things get better for you!!

Oh! I'm also one who gets flustered at the cash register, so I set myself up a sort of system. The coupons are in the front of my cart (you know, where the kids sit?) with my bag, and the shopper's card is on my keychain in my pocket--I always carry my keys in my jeans pocket--so I choose a line with someone ahead of me, to give myself time to unload the cart; I give my card to the cashier first; and I give the coupons at the end. Then I pay with a debit card--never a check, and only rarely cash.

I still get flustered but not as much.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{everyone}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Love to you all!

[Bit]

ps---I check my bank balance every day online, to make sure I don't forget to enter the debits in my checkbook. That's a lesson I learned the hard way, oy--so glad now for the convenience of online access!

[Andrew, Jr.]

I can't walk away because of something he said to me. I feel like I let down my sisters when I was a youngster. And I just cannot do that again. No. Not ever. I know that my greatest joy will be the day he is no longer walking this earth.

I have been in therapy before, but all of my therapists betrayed me. They went to my father and told him what was going on in our sessions. This is long before HIPPA and all the other legal documents were done and made law. I look at it this way, he got away with it here, but not from his maker. He will be held accountable. Trust me.

[Bit]

I'm sorry, Andrew; that sounds like a very difficult situation. I wish you peace.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Cath, :rrose:

Thank you kindly. Just say your prayers for me.

I want to be the man I am today. I am not afraid of him any longer. He no longer physically torments me like he once did. And I will always stand up for my sisters. Always. Now everything is just mental and emotional with him.

[Apocalipstic]

The automatic checkout at the grocery store gets me, I just can't get it right. It is always yelling at me telling me to put something in my bag when I have not rung anything thing up. I get so tense.

Every now and then I get freaked out when checking out at a restaurant. If I don't have my glasses on I can't see the receipt well, so I am trying to focus on the numbers, then sometimes I just go blank. Yes, I can do percentages in my head, but with the people behind me and not being able to see...if I am having a bad day, I have been known to just freeze. So embarrassing.

Andrew, maybe he said what he said to control you. Try and do what is best for you! Not to prove anything. I had to learn that too. My Dad would tell me I never loved my mother (who died when I was 13 and we think he killed) and that I failed my sister (who does not agree). Controlling people know our triggers and use them.

[Bit]

Hey yanno what Jen, I don't use the automatic check-out. I figure I might save a cashier's job by insisting on having a person check my groceries out. Voila, less stress for me and I get to feel virtuous, too. :cheesy:

[Apocalipstic]

Hey yanno what Jen, I don't use the automatic check-out. I figure I might save a cashier's job by insisting on having a person check my groceries out. Voila, less stress for me and I get to feel virtuous, too. :cheesy:


True! :) I like that :) I am saving someonme's job! Grin!

Does anyone else feel guilty for having to say no to social activities for weeks at a time?

[Andrew, Jr.]

Sometimes I have to have "space" from others. And this does mean I need to be away from others. It means no to night clubs, no to comedy clubs, no to dinners out, and so on and on. Sometimes I just enjoy being on my deck, grilling, and looking at the natural habitat behind my house, bird watching, doing word searches, smoking a cigar or two, or smoking my pipe. It is "me" time. Some get it, and some call me a bump on a log. But then again, they don't have my disorders. Until you walk in my shoes, don't tell me how to live my life or tell me what I should or should not be doing.

Jen,

Yes, my father is a huge control freak. That is his weapon. He used guilt and fear too.


Bit & Jen,

I cannot figure out the self-scan checkout things at all. I just keep getting a recording and the belt rolls back after I scan the item on the belt. It is beyond frustrating. And I do cause a line whenever I use this. Now, I have learned to have someone check me out. It is just much easier for me, and faster. Plus I am not 3 shades of red.

[Apocalipstic]

I have to have down time too. I love being home with Cynthia and our dogs and cats, it's the best.

Now that I don't drink like a fish the bar is more than I can stand, unless we go on an afternoon and I leave when the crowd starts to arrive.

Maybe if my job were not as social as it it, being around people the rest of the time would be easier?

Even at parties at our house, I get overwhelmed and try to escape to outside to chill, but people follow me. I need a better plan.

I do find that living in a city is better because it is anonymous and I am not expected to hang out with neighbors and no one cares what I do.

[violaine]

regarding the u-scan-

i'll have a lot of items and go through. people give me the stink eye.

took me a while to get the hang of it- coordination / speed. being rushed is not always so good for me.

i figure i owe it to myself now as it's my victory with the u-scan lane ;) have a good laugh & a buggy full- try it.

oh. and hide inside of the circular garment racks too once in a while.

:clap: :rainsing: :superfunny:ox

[Liam]

I now check the circular garment racks to see if Violaine is in there.... :p

I definitely need my solitude, I always have. If I don't take it, I know it will be a very frustrating day.

[christie]

I have to have down time too. I love being home with Cynthia and our dogs and cats, it's the best.

Now that I don't drink like a fish the bar is more than I can stand, unless we go on an afternoon and I leave when the crowd starts to arrive.

Maybe if my job were not as social as it it, being around people the rest of the time would be easier?

Even at parties at our house, I get overwhelmed and try to escape to outside to chill, but people follow me. I need a better plan.

I do find that living in a city is better because it is anonymous and I am not expected to hang out with neighbors and no one cares what I do.

If it makes any difference, I am becoming more people phobic than ever...

By the time Thursday afternoon rolls around, there is NOTHING I'd rather do than hop in the car, drive the four hours home and collapse with Jess and the critters.

There are weeks when I don't go out of the house from Thursday night till I leave on Monday asscrackofdawn.

I don't care what the expectation might be from the neighbors in our small town. They get too cozy and I WILL run that rainbow flag up next to the devil worshipping star! (its a joke)

I think that everyone should have that "recharge" time - neurodiverse or not :)

That being said, there must be a cup of coffee when we are in Nashvegas at the end of the month!

[Andrew, Jr.]

I think most people assume that others want to "talk" or to "socialize". There is something definitely off when it comes to that. I know I had a neighbor who used to sit and wait for me or Rosie to come home to socialize with us. It drove us nuts. We ended up moving. It was a welcome relief. She was a major pain in the butt. And I mean MAJOR. There is a time for everything, and she seemed to jump out just when it was not the right time.

:seesaw:

[violaine]

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/autism_world/96900

jen, christie, and andrew-

i completely get you all with regard to lots of socialisation! lots of sneaking off stories, not answering the bell, avoiding events, et c.!!

liam, watch out ;)

thought i'd post the face blindness article because i have experienced it a time or two.

best,
belle

[[[you all]]]

[Andrew, Jr.]

Face Blindness hits me once and a while. And it is very frustrating. I have word blindness (Dyslexia). So, it is pretty much the same sort of thing - a visual perception disorder as the lady told me who tested me. I was like, oh ok. :wallbreak:

[Apocalipstic]

If it makes any difference, I am becoming more people phobic than ever...

By the time Thursday afternoon rolls around, there is NOTHING I'd rather do than hop in the car, drive the four hours home and collapse with Jess and the critters.

There are weeks when I don't go out of the house from Thursday night till I leave on Monday asscrackofdawn.

I don't care what the expectation might be from the neighbors in our small town. They get too cozy and I WILL run that rainbow flag up next to the devil worshipping star! (its a joke)

I think that everyone should have that "recharge" time - neurodiverse or not :)

That being said, there must be a cup of coffee when we are in Nashvegas at the end of the month!

Absolutely, what days are you all here? :)

Thank you for saying that about recharge time, I feel bad about what a recluse I can be. Some days, all I can manage is work....like today. :) BUt I have lunch with a friend and dinner with another and I have no idea how I am going to do it. I am in a complete fog and have a gianr headache.



I think most people assume that others want to "talk" or to "socialize". There is something definitely off when it comes to that. I know I had a neighbor who used to sit and wait for me or Rosie to come home to socialize with us. It drove us nuts. We ended up moving. It was a welcome relief. She was a major pain in the butt. And I mean MAJOR. There is a time for everything, and she seemed to jump out just when it was not the right time.

:seesaw:


I am picturing Mrs. Kravitz on Bewitched! I totally get that.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Jen - That is the perfect example! :runforhills:

Now I have a revolving front door it seems. Once someone comes in, another person leaves. Sometimes this is fun, and sometimes it is too much for me. I just need my space. When someone unannounced shows up, who I have never met in real time before, nor has Rosie, then it is another issue. I think people who don't have neurological disorders or diseases really do not understand this at all. They just don't grasp the concept of routines, and personal/public business. It is a fine line. Everyone has that line, but it is harder for those of us who are disabled to function and to express ourselves that others don't negate.

I am the one person that the kids in the neighborhood trust. So, I was "elected" to be the house that they go to if they get in trouble or if they needed help fast. I have no issues with that at all. In fact, I find it quite a gift that I was asked to do this for the children. :present: I think that my late dog, Lil, would walk the kids to the bus stop, wait with them until they got on the bus, and then come home. And then like clockwork, at 3pm would walk down the street and sit and wait for the kids to come home from the school bus. I never saw anything like it to this very day. I got Lil when she was a few weeks old. I have no clue where she picked this up from. None at all.

[Apocalipstic]

I never even answer the door :)

[Andrew, Jr.]

I have learned.

[christie]

I never even answer the door :)


Having a 120lb dog who looks like a bear is a GOOD thing... it keeps the neighbors at bay!

We are probably gonna hit town on Thursday the 1st. My mom's 75th bday is the 31st but there is NO way we can make it there on Wed.

Maybe Saturday we can do coffee - you know my folks arent too awfully far from your house? I usually drive Jess thru Edgefield, Shelby Park and over by Stratford reliving my glory days...

I'm hoping to be over the pneumonia thing by then - I went back to the doc yesterday and was met with, "How do you feel about MCV? (our equilivent to Vandy) I responded that I hated to park there using valet because they lose your car. HA!!! The PA didnt realize that I knew he was talking about admitting me, but I am NOT a good patient and the last place I wanna be is inpatient - it would not bode well for my social skills (or lack thereof).

Anyway, we are hoping to take bratboy to the Autism Conference on Friday the 2nd while we are in town - he is interested in hearing Temple Grandin speak.

Hope ya'll all have a grand day - I'm hiding in my office, door closed and a note on it that warns all to enter at own risk. :hanging:

[Apocalipstic]

Having a 120lb dog who looks like a bear is a GOOD thing... it keeps the neighbors at bay!

We are probably gonna hit town on Thursday the 1st. My mom's 75th bday is the 31st but there is NO way we can make it there on Wed.

Maybe Saturday we can do coffee - you know my folks arent too awfully far from your house? I usually drive Jess thru Edgefield, Shelby Park and over by Stratford reliving my glory days...

I'm hoping to be over the pneumonia thing by then - I went back to the doc yesterday and was met with, "How do you feel about MCV? (our equilivent to Vandy) I responded that I hated to park there using valet because they lose your car. HA!!! The PA didnt realize that I knew he was talking about admitting me, but I am NOT a good patient and the last place I wanna be is inpatient - it would not bode well for my social skills (or lack thereof).

Anyway, we are hoping to take bratboy to the Autism Conference on Friday the 2nd while we are in town - he is interested in hearing Temple Grandin speak.

Hope ya'll all have a grand day - I'm hiding in my office, door closed and a note on it that warns all to enter at own risk. :hanging:

Saturday sounds perfect, there are cute new coffee places in East Nashville I have been dying to try :)

I hope you feel better, I have been sick for weeks too....UGH. The steroids makes me pretty crazy.

Inpatient sucks, I hate it too and hope you are avoiding it!

[Apocalipstic]

Having a 120lb dog who looks like a bear is a GOOD thing... it keeps the neighbors at bay!

We are probably gonna hit town on Thursday the 1st. My mom's 75th bday is the 31st but there is NO way we can make it there on Wed.

Maybe Saturday we can do coffee - you know my folks arent too awfully far from your house? I usually drive Jess thru Edgefield, Shelby Park and over by Stratford reliving my glory days...

I'm hoping to be over the pneumonia thing by then - I went back to the doc yesterday and was met with, "How do you feel about MCV? (our equilivent to Vandy) I responded that I hated to park there using valet because they lose your car. HA!!! The PA didnt realize that I knew he was talking about admitting me, but I am NOT a good patient and the last place I wanna be is inpatient - it would not bode well for my social skills (or lack thereof).

Anyway, we are hoping to take bratboy to the Autism Conference on Friday the 2nd while we are in town - he is interested in hearing Temple Grandin speak.

Hope ya'll all have a grand day - I'm hiding in my office, door closed and a note on it that warns all to enter at own risk. :hanging:

Oh and yes, huge dogs are a plus for keeping people away. :)
Mine looks like a 100lb wolf :)

[Apocalipstic]

Would someone with some time to spare, who is better at interpreting what is an is no OK socially take a look at the PTSD thread and let me know if it is OK to have such a thread and if I am being unreasonable?

I don't want to have to have a secret password to get to discuss PTSD. I really am not hung up on secrecy, should I be?

[Liam]

Would someone with some time to spare, who is better at interpreting what is an is no OK socially take a look at the PTSD thread and let me know if it is OK to have such a thread and if I am being unreasonable?

I don't want to have to have a secret password to get to discuss PTSD. I really am not hung up on secrecy, should I be?

Confidentiality is one of the key aspects of any support group—basically what is said in group, stays in group. I suppose having a password protected room for support group meetings prevents someone from blundering into a meeting.

A password is not needed to discuss PTSD issues in your thread, I think many folks have discovered that they are not alone in dealing with this issue, in their lives. I appreciate the presence of your thread here.

[Cyclopea]

Would someone with some time to spare, who is better at interpreting what is an is no OK socially take a look at the PTSD thread and let me know if it is OK to have such a thread and if I am being unreasonable?

I don't want to have to have a secret password to get to discuss PTSD. I really am not hung up on secrecy, should I be?

I'm not a better judge than you of what is or is not socially acceptable but I did have a few thoughts so I thought I would offer them.
Of course it is perfectly acceptable to have an open thread on PTSD where members can post whatever thoughts they have on the topic without editing themselves. If some would feel more comfortable in a discussion with clearly outlined rules of engagement where certain types of discussion which don't feel safe to them are forbidden, that sounds good too. There's always room for two threads. I wonder if it might be a good idea to have an area of the forum that is kind of the opposite of the "Red Zone" - like a "Safe Zone" for threads that are limited in the ways posters are to interact. Not that they would be heavily moderated by official moderators, but by members or the thread creator. Not sure how that would work but it's a thought.
I hope your need to share and have fellowship around what you want to discuss is respected.

Confidentiality is one of the key aspects of any support group—basically what is said in group, stays in group. I suppose having a password protected room for support group meetings prevents someone from blundering into a meeting.

This is what I thought the purpose was of the password system for directed chat as well. Not exclusion. I suppose the mere existence of a password would suffice, not a secret one, since the act of entering a specific password to enter a specific chat discussion implies that one is acting purposefully.
A password is not needed to discuss PTSD issues in your thread, I think many folks have discovered that they are not alone in dealing with this issue, in their lives. I appreciate the presence of your thread here.

Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts, hope everyone dealing with PTSD or trauma is able to get their needs met and facilitate coping and healing.
:cheer:

[Apocalipstic]

I guess for me secrets are what caused most of my problems and it is important to me to be able to share openly. I think telling our truth is important.

I certainly get the need to have therapy and AA type groups with facilitators and the promise of anonymity....for those who feel the need to keep things hidden. I have been though so much, I genuinely do not care any more.

I think having the closed PTSD group, when when you click it asks you for a password, but you can see who is in there seems exclusive and hurtful to those who have not rated an invitation to said PTSD group, which I think would be further triggering.

I want people to blunder in and feel free to say or not say what they want to.

I am just saying NO to secrets. :)

[Andrew, Jr.]

Now that is one of my issues...the secrecy issue is a main issue of PTSD. So, how do we do this? :batman:

[Apocalipstic]

I refuse to be shamed into hiding any more.

[Apocalipstic]

I wonder sometimes if I were neurotypical I would see things the same way and the same things would seem blaringly obvious.

I have a difficult time with what feelings are and how they differ from thoughts.


Cyclopea, I really like the idea of a Safe Zone as long as everyone is welcome. :) Then, people who might be triggered by certain types of discussions could just avoid the Safe Zone?

[Andrew, Jr.]

To me, right now, I am in a place where I feel like my favorite show, "The Sopranos". They conspired against anyone who stood in their way. I am that man who stood in their way.

[Apocalipstic]

To me, right now, I am in a place where I feel like my favorite show, "The Sopranos". They conspired against anyone who stood in their way. I am that man who stood in their way.

Read what I posted in the PTSD thread to you.

Everything is OK, really!

The PTSD is kicked in for you. Maybe spend the day with your babies and really notice petting them and how much they love you.

That is what is important, not a group.

I promise.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Jen,

Yes, I am. I think a day away will do wonders for me. My twich is back, and I had night terrors last night. It is going full force. :twitch:

Thanks.

:bouquet:

[Apocalipstic]

Jen,

Yes, I am. I think a day away will do wonders for me. My twich is back, and I had night terrors last night. It is going full force. :twitch:

Thanks.

:bouquet:

Yeah, take a day off for you! I do that often.

Hell, recently I took a week off from everyone. :)

[violaine]

[QUOTE=apocalipstic;60705]I wonder sometimes if I were neurotypical I would see things the same way and the same things would seem blaringly obvious.

what seems blaringly obvious to me is when NT's possess some odd sense of 'loyalty' to one another - even if all of the facts are not there , or even when another model is readily available to them. thinking outside of the box is not something i have experienced with many NT's.

i am writing about various family dynamics, friendships, and work environments - Sticking Together Policy- on unhealthy levels, for the sake of sticking together! like that is more important than opening up a mind to potential growth - or at least not ruling it out.












I have a difficult time with what feelings are and how they differ from thoughts.


Cyclopea, I really like the idea of a Safe Zone as long as everyone is welcome. :) Then, people who might be triggered by certain types of discussions could just avoid the Safe Zone?

[Apocalipstic]

[QUOTE=apocalipstic;60705]I wonder sometimes if I were neurotypical I would see things the same way and the same things would seem blaringly obvious.

what seems blaringly obvious to me is when NT's possess some odd sense of 'loyalty' to one another - even if all of the facts are not there , or even when another model is readily available to them. thinking outside of the box is not something i have experienced with many NT's.

i am writing about various family dynamics, friendships, and work environments - Sticking Together Policy- on unhealthy levels, for the sake of sticking together! like that is more important than opening up a mind to potential growth - or at least not ruling it out.



I have a difficult time with what feelings are and how they differ from thoughts.


Cyclopea, I really like the idea of a Safe Zone as long as everyone is welcome. :) Then, people who might be triggered by certain types of discussions could just avoid the Safe Zone?

Yes, sometimes the loyalty seems to be to those they perceive have power somehow. Even if it is blatantly obvious that said persons are operating in their own toxic self interests.

Maybe it is fear of being perceived as an outcast or feeling alone?

There is the feeling word again. Are "feelings" and "feeling nauseated" or "feeling alone" the same thing?

[violaine]

NT and AT wiring [aspies, for example]- are so different in socialisation/survival areas. if an NT is hard wired for socialisation- peer pressure-being 'normal' and whatever schedule to follow from the Book of Codes for Normals, it makes sense that feeling like an 'outcast' would not be so good for an NT - it might mean that less people find [I]forgiveness for being human. making mistakes- and if one NT person turns their back on someone, how many times have you seen others do the same?

there are NT's who are less judgmental, not quick to take sides, or who do not follow the schedule from Book of Codes for Normals, et c. and there are also AT's who do obsess on being 'normal' - but where does that come from?

[Andrew, Jr.]

Belle, I have no idea. Good idea to think about. :rose:

[violaine]

there's so much i could write about how communication could go smoother between NT's/AT's, from my own ideas/observations- but if one party is unwilling to see there will be differences [both ways !]- in use of phraseologies/tone/timing/pacing of conversation/body language, what difference does it make ?

immediate judgments, & accusations- could possibly be avoided, and the issue[s] survivable if there's room for lots of patience, a willingness to go there and stay the course, and support-

a space made for the person talking at the time to be fully heard, and respected for their feelings/thoughts -without immediately mowing the person down by connecting the words of the speaker to previous experiences, expectations, learned from wherever/whomever-

but that's hard work. how does one unlearn decades of learning/being conditioned - or living sort of on your own island with AT wiring ?

AT's can get stuck in a mode of thinking they are right just as easily as NT's; AT's could think of an NT in unfavourable light, as quickly as an NT could do the same-

[Apocalipstic]

there's so much i could write about how communication could go smoother between NT's/AT's, from my own ideas/observations- but if one party is unwilling to see there will be differences [both ways !]- in use of phraseologies/tone/timing/pacing of conversation/body language, what difference does it make ?

immediate judgments, & accusations- could possibly be avoided, and the issue[s] survivable if there's room for lots of patience, a willingness to go there and stay the course, and support-

a space made for the person talking at the time to be fully heard, and respected for their feelings/thoughts -without immediately mowing the person down by connecting the words of the speaker to previous experiences, expectations, learned from wherever/whomever-

but that's hard work.

It is hard work. Very hard work.

I know in my case almost all of my socialization behaviors did not come naturally. I learned them from experience and observation. I am learning to be flexible with what I think I know, or have learned. But it is indeed hard work (exhausting).

Expectations. The Dalai Lama says that to have true happyness we must give up expectations and how true this is.

I do still want to be understood though. I keep hoping.

[Apocalipstic]

More on thinking we are right.

I guess maybe everyone does to an extent?

I wonder if my thoughts are reasonable to other people....easy to understand. It amazes me when I write post after post and someone reads it and reacts to 4 words I said which to me are not interconnected....and I wonder is it my inability to communicate, or is it their reading comprehension.

Likely somewhere in the middle. :)

[christie]

I just wanted to take a moment to thank each of you for sharing on this thread. As the mom of an Aspie, it gives me a very unique perspective to read your thoughts from the "me" space that I have to work so hard to get from my son.

Your sharing always makes me take pause to reflect upon how I might better communicate with bratboy and I daresay its helped me be a better mom.

As he reaches legal manhood, my heart gets all caught up in how he will be able to fare in the world. You all make me very hopeful that he will be most successful.

Thank you.

Much love,
C

[Apocalipstic]

I just wanted to take a moment to thank each of you for sharing on this thread. As the mom of an Aspie, it gives me a very unique perspective to read your thoughts from the "me" space that I have to work so hard to get from my son.

Your sharing always makes me take pause to reflect upon how I might better communicate with bratboy and I daresay its helped me be a better mom.

As he reaches legal manhood, my heart gets all caught up in how he will be able to fare in the world. You all make me very hopeful that he will be most successful.

Thank you.

Much love,
C

Ohhhh for a parent who even wants to know her child's thoughts! :)

Actualy it is so difficult for me to separate what I think and what I feel and what the difference is and how to put it into words...especially in person.

I still at my age and unclear as to what the difference in thoughts and feelings really is. My therapist is always trying to give me examples...but I still am all over the place.

Your son is lucky to have you!

xoxo

[Spirit Dancer]

Just wondering how a Neuro Pediatric Doctor could be so uneducated
I want to scream she isn't mentally challenged she's on the spectrum, but I remained calm, listened to the babble and lists of medications he will give her; then my reply you're more of an azz than most you can take your medication and shove it to the sun never shines again, i'll take my beautiful, talented, empathic child home where she is love and understood. sorry i needed to vent

[Apocalipstic]

Just wondering how a Neuro Pediatric Doctor could be so uneducated
I want to scream she isn't mentally challenged she's on the spectrum, but I remained calm, listened to the babble and lists of medications he will give her; then my reply you're more of an azz than most you can take your medication and shove it to the sun never shines again, i'll take my beautiful, talented, empathic child home where she is love and understood. sorry i needed to vent

So sorry this happened, and so glad she has you!

[christie]

Just wondering how a Neuro Pediatric Doctor could be so uneducated
I want to scream she isn't mentally challenged she's on the spectrum, but I remained calm, listened to the babble and lists of medications he will give her; then my reply you're more of an azz than most you can take your medication and shove it to the sun never shines again, i'll take my beautiful, talented, empathic child home where she is love and understood. sorry i needed to vent

((((((SD))))))))

This is one of the MOST frustrating parts of being the parent of my Aspie. Educating the educators, teaching the teachers, etc...

I don't know if its a matter of uneducated or more a matter of "this is what I think and I am a doctor and I am GOD" situation.

Depending on where you live, there are physicians/institutes specifically for autism/spectrum. Vanderbilt in Nashville has TRIAD and while I had dreamed of such a place when bratboy was young and Aspie's were relatively unheard of, I did use them once they came into existence and he loved, LOVED going to summer camp with other spectrum kids. It was pricey, but worth it.

The only thing I know to tell you is to keep "doctor shopping" - you will eventually find one who makes you comfortable and confident.

As an aside, I was yahoo'ing with bratboy last night. The conversation went like this:

Him: "Mom, does anyone at your work know iPhones?"

Me: "Yep. Why? Is yours broken? It has a warranty."

Him: "Can you see if they know how to jailbreak one?"

Me: (in my techy ignorance I wasnt about to let on that I didnt know what in the HELL he is talking about) "Sure, bugs. Turn on your yahoo when you get home from school tomorrow and I will let you know."

Now, my IT fella explained it to me, but I still dont know why bratboy needs to do this to a $400 phone. Today's conversation went a lil like this:

Me: "Why do you need this?"

Him: "So I can turn it into a modem for my laptop"

Me: "You have a wireless connection - why do you need a modem?"

Him: "So I can have internet at school."

Me: "You have access at school. Why do you need this?"

Him: "Cause they block crap I am trying to look at like youtube and myspace."

Me: :overreaction:

These are the times when I call Jess and say, "Honey!! You aint gonna BE-LIEVE what YOUR son did now!" Poor Jess - not only inherited the bratboy, but now has to take ownership when the bratboy does some crackheaded crap! LOL

[Jess]

((((((SD))))))))

This is one of the MOST frustrating parts of being the parent of my Aspie. Educating the educators, teaching the teachers, etc...

I don't know if its a matter of uneducated or more a matter of "this is what I think and I am a doctor and I am GOD" situation.

Depending on where you live, there are physicians/institutes specifically for autism/spectrum. Vanderbilt in Nashville has TRIAD and while I had dreamed of such a place when bratboy was young and Aspie's were relatively unheard of, I did use them once they came into existence and he loved, LOVED going to summer camp with other spectrum kids. It was pricey, but worth it.

The only thing I know to tell you is to keep "doctor shopping" - you will eventually find one who makes you comfortable and confident.

As an aside, I was yahoo'ing with bratboy last night. The conversation went like this:

Him: "Mom, does anyone at your work know iPhones?"

Me: "Yep. Why? Is yours broken? It has a warranty."

Him: "Can you see if they know how to jailbreak one?"

Me: (in my techy ignorance I wasnt about to let on that I didnt know what in the HELL he is talking about) "Sure, bugs. Turn on your yahoo when you get home from school tomorrow and I will let you know."

Now, my IT fella explained it to me, but I still dont know why bratboy needs to do this to a $400 phone. Today's conversation went a lil like this:

Me: "Why do you need this?"

Him: "So I can turn it into a modem for my laptop"

Me: "You have a wireless connection - why do you need a modem?"

Him: "So I can have internet at school."

Me: "You have access at school. Why do you need this?"

Him: "Cause they block crap I am trying to look at like youtube and myspace."

Me: :overreaction:

These are the times when I call Jess and say, "Honey!! You aint gonna BE-LIEVE what YOUR son did now!" Poor Jess - not only inherited the bratboy, but now has to take ownership when the bratboy does some crackheaded crap! LOL


The boy is BRILLIANT! I say, BRILLIANT! and may need minor medical attention if he breaks that phone... jus sayin :furious:

actually, I will introduce him to the groovy old school phone this summer.. two cans and a string.. jailbreak THAT schmart guy :rofl:

[violaine]

no more of this: :snowballfight:
[except i'll toss them at andrew once in a while ;) = oxox ]

now it's time for motorbikes!

i hope you all have a safe and interesting weekend.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Oh Belle,

Love you can hit me with snowballs anytime! :hangloose:

Love,
Andrew
oxoxox

[violaine]

i am spending time away from the state of indiana, with an amazingly intelligent and beautiful little aspie girl of nine years :artist:

:heartbeat:[she walks on her toes too!!]

:listening:

[Spirit Dancer]

i am spending time away from the state of indiana, with an amazingly intelligent and beautiful little aspie girl of nine years :artist:

:heartbeat:[she walks on her toes too!!]

:listening:

Two peas in a pod:deepthoughts::girleating::love1:love at first sight

[Andrew, Jr.]

Just dropping by to say hello to everyone here. I hope you all are well, and enjoying your day!


:danceparty:

[violaine]

hallo to everyone from tennessee-

tomorrow, i will be leaving a beautiful family and state for home [indiana]. we have had a great time together, and being around another aspie girl- who is similar to me in some ways [exact in others!] is just the best.

listening to people discuss how alike we are brings a big smile to our faces.

oh! and she loves vegan fare :)

hope you are all doing well, and have a peaceful week.

andrew, i am looking for a snowball to toss your way ;)

belle

[Andrew, Jr.]

Belle,

You can toss one anytime, day or night. If I am zzzz I am sure Mr. Dino will be ready to catch it and play catch with you. He is like that. Just a lovebug!

Today is hard. I am struggling with words. I feel like I am in a void. Does anyone else feel like that?

[Apocalipstic]

Belle,

You can toss one anytime, day or night. If I am zzzz I am sure Mr. Dino will be ready to catch it and play catch with you. He is like that. Just a lovebug!

Today is hard. I am struggling with words. I feel like I am in a void. Does anyone else feel like that?


Yes, I get this feeling where it's like my brain is in a wind tunnel and sounds and pressure seem to go in and out. Kind of like a cooling unit? Not sure how to describe it.

I hope you feel better!

[Apocalipstic]

Belle, how cool that you got to spend some time with yoru friends, it sounds perfect!

:cheer:

[Andrew, Jr.]

A cooling unit - that is it perfectly. I just cannot stop it. What do you do? I have tried my migrain meds...nothing. I used my reading glasses...nope. I just have no clue. I tried to watch TV...it made it worse.

[Butterbean]

13 years I was diagnosed with:

Hyperprolactinemia- an extremely low grade cancerous brain tumor of the pituitary. In my case, the hypothalamus is affected.

No surgery for its removal. It was successfully shrunk down to micro size with synthetic dopamine, known as "Parlodel." I'll take this for the rest of my life.

Before it was shrunk down, I experienced 3 grand mal seizures while on vacation. The seizure was in my left temporal lobe and the area right behind it,speech, was damanged.

The ability to look at picture type instructions/perform with hand direction is also damaged.

During the first year of the diagnoses, I experienced blinding migraines and was ultra sensitive to light and movement.

I required a surgery immediately after the diagnoses to remove a grapefruit dermatoid cyst from my right ovary. It was peeled off as I refused to allow the remove of my ovary.

I was also diagnosed with fibromyalgia that year. I take 10 medications a day to help my brain along.

Most people have no idea anything is "wrong" with me. That's a blessing and curse depending upon the situation.

I've had about 20 surgeries. I guess the bottom line is the little tumor leaves me with a compromised immune system, weak muscles, light memory loss, asthma, sensitivity to cold and light, light impared speech that worsens with fatigue, and nasty insomnia.

Geesuz, I just accidently turned on my web cam while writing this. That was scary. My new laptop freaks me out sometimes.

But I digress. If anyone has any questions about pit tumors, I'd be happy to try to answer them. Ditto with any of the other diagnoses.

[Apocalipstic]

A cooling unit - that is it perfectly. I just cannot stop it. What do you do? I have tried my migrain meds...nothing. I used my reading glasses...nope. I just have no clue. I tried to watch TV...it made it worse.

I have no idea how to make it go away. Deep breathing and getting away from people seems to help.

I was wearing my MP3 player in public places that freak me out...like the grocery store and crowded airports...but my G/F says that is dangerous. So I don't know.

[Apocalipstic]

So, does anyone have numbness in parts of their body other than hands?

There is a place on one of my thighs which goes numb or gets tingly sometimes and parts of my back. Sould I be concerned?

[violaine]

sent from a friend:


".. There are just relationships between two people -- two complex people -- and in some cases, some of these people have Asperger's. If a relationship fails between an AT and a NT, there are too many factors to say for sure that the cause was Aspergers. Of course, if Aspergers (or ADD or whatever is present), it's easy to point to that and claim (and really feel like) that's the cause. But you can't know that.

In any relationship, both people have their problems. I'm sure that, even as an NT, you're not 100% easy to live with. Relationships work because both people are willing to work on, work through, solve, live with or overlook problems. An Aspie is no different. Aspies may have to work harder at certain things, but they can do the work if they choose to. So once again, it's not about Aspergers, it's about the individual.

So the real question is, can you and your boyfriend/girlfriend -- two PEOPLE -- make it work? No one here can answer that for you. But even if you can't work it out, that says nothing about whether you could have a happy relationship with some other Aspie. It just says you can't have a happy relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend..."

-

[Liam]

sent from a friend:


".. There are just relationships between two people -- two complex people -- and in some cases, some of these people have Asperger's. If a relationship fails between an AT and a NT, there are too many factors to say for sure that the cause was Aspergers. Of course, if Aspergers (or ADD or whatever is present), it's easy to point to that and claim (and really feel like) that's the cause. But you can't know that.

In any relationship, both people have their problems. I'm sure that, even as an NT, you're not 100% easy to live with. Relationships work because both people are willing to work on, work through, solve, live with or overlook problems. An Aspie is no different. Aspies may have to work harder at certain things, but they can do the work if they choose to. So once again, it's not about Aspergers, it's about the individual.

So the real question is, can you and your boyfriend/girlfriend -- two PEOPLE -- make it work? No one here can answer that for you. But even if you can't work it out, that says nothing about whether you could have a happy relationship with some other Aspie. It just says you can't have a happy relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend..."

-

I think about this often. I've worked very hard on my communication skills, and I have done a great deal of personal work, yet the happy/healthy partnership eludes me. My close aspie friends bring much joy into my life, and I appreciate them ever so much. There are times when I think that is the group women that I need to be looking at for a partner.

[violaine]

liam,

yes. dating someone else who is on the spectrum/AT does seem [at first glance] to present fewer complications communication-wise. a lot of the time, i really believe that i can only make sense to the other person when we are no longer involved. here is something i've been considering of late, please-

we are taught that honesty is the best policy ; psychology books, therapists, parents, friends, partners, siblings, et c- sugget that we 'say what's on our mind' and 'don't hold feelings/thoughts in for it's unhealthy to do so' .

ohk.

outside of times being 'light/happy' i've certainly known conflicts to arise whenever i do speak my truth, and am able to freely admit how i feel [all across the board], answer questions honestly, and communicate 'matter-of-fact' without a hidden agenda, why does it more often than not backfire ? ?

several NT's have told me that AT's [by wiring] do try the right communicative efforts- [ironically, this comes from phrases and books mostly coined / written by NT's!]- yet, NT's are not 'used to it being so easy/uncomplicated/natural/open" and are expecting a host of unsavoury layers- because a lot of insecurities/triggers - already in place from ... ?

much too much to wrap my head round. seems to make relationships set up for failure at the onset then.

i would like to think that there are NT's out there who can have The More Serious-type of conversation [serious does not = Negative!!]. are there NT's who do not personalise to a huge extent ; are not defensive as hell ; and when things turn difficult, matters do not get made worse by adding stuff unrelated to 'issues', and honesty/vulnerability/trust/the relationship/people = can remain intact.


is that asking for the moon?

[Apocalipstic]

Cynthia and I are both on the Spectrum, but still we have huge differences in communication.

We both have to work hard to communicate and have to ask a lot of questions and be patient with each other.

In a way I think AS helps, in that we are both so self absorbed we know more about ourselves than most people do? and can explain ourselves to each other.

Great post Belle!

Best of luck to you Liam, she is out there somewhere :)

[Apocalipstic]

liam,

yes. dating someone else who is on the spectrum/AT does seem [at first glance] to present fewer complications communication-wise. a lot of the time, i really believe that i can only make sense to the other person when we are no longer involved. here is something i've been considering of late, please-

we are taught that honesty is the best policy ; psychology books, therapists, parents, friends, partners, siblings, et c- sugget that we 'say what's on our mind' and 'don't hold feelings/thoughts in for it's unhealthy to do so' .

ohk.

outside of times being 'light/happy' i've certainly known conflicts to arise whenever i do speak my truth, and am able to freely admit how i feel [all across the board], answer questions honestly, and communicate 'matter-of-fact' without a hidden agenda, why does it more often than not backfire ? ?

several NT's have told me that AT's [by wiring] do try the right communicative efforts- [ironically, this comes from phrases and books mostly coined / written by NT's!]- yet, NT's are not 'used to it being so easy/uncomplicated/natural/open" and are expecting a host of unsavoury layers- because a lot of insecurities/triggers - already in place from ... ?

much too much to wrap my head round. seems to make relationships set up for failure at the onset then.

i would like to think that there are NT's out there who can have The More Serious-type of conversation [serious does not = Negative!!]. are there NT's who do not personalise to a huge extent ; are not defensive as hell ; and when things turn difficult, matters do not get made worse by adding stuff unrelated to 'issues', and honesty/vulnerability/trust/the relationship/people = can remain intact.


is that asking for the moon?

No, it is not.

I agree that I often get along better with my exes once we break up, beacsue then they can see that there is no hidden agenda.

So,

Cynthia and I, after a 5 year break up where we learned more about ourselves, decided to give it another shot becasue other than the attraction we share many interests, goals, morals, etc. I has been way hard work, but after 5 years back together this June I can say that we are happy and well suited.

It's not perfect and we do have to work at communicating a lot, but we are closer than we have ever been. Every day is a learning experience.

It was not like that from day one. We have had really rough patches, but we both are committed to do everything we can to make this work.

[violaine]

my aspie friends do not get so angry [with me or in general] . forgive quickly and have great bounce-back . see a glass half-full . appreciate the little things . acceptance is in abundance with aspies i've known .

it doesn't matter about looks, $, words tumbling out all wrong, being locked inside for a few moments, space-missions, holding someone's space in sitting with difficult emotions/thoughts is possible any hour!, and the kid at heart:playingcat: is ever-present <3

[Apocalipstic]

my aspie friends do not get so angry [with me or in general] . forgive quickly and have great bounce-back . see a glass half-full . appreciate the little things . acceptance is in abundance with aspies i've known .

it doesn't matter about looks, $, words tumbling out all wrong, being locked inside for a few moments, space-missions, holding someone's space in sitting with difficult emotions/thoughts is possible any hour!, and the kid at heart:playingcat: is ever-present <3

Very true!

I pretty much have eliminated anyone who does get angry with me a lot from my life. I have been way happier since.

To forgive quickly is a virtue as is acceptance! :)

and

The ability to not take things personally when I am in meltdown. For me to be able to say I am freaked out and just leave or take some time to myself.

[Darth Denkay]

I hope I'm not intruding, but I read over this thread regularly. I guess you would call me an NT - although I hate using the term 'normal' for anything. The reason for my post is that I just wanted ya'll to know how brave you are for putting yourselves out here like you do. I have learned a tremendous amount on this thread, and admire each and every one of you.

[Liam]

I hope I'm not intruding, but I read over this thread regularly. I guess you would call me an NT - although I hate using the term 'normal' for anything. The reason for my post is that I just wanted ya'll to know how brave you are for putting yourselves out here like you do. I have learned a tremendous amount on this thread, and admire each and every one of you.

The N in NT stands for neuro, not normal; NT is the acronym for neuro-typical.

[violaine]

i love to write [poetry/haiku/iambic pentameter/screenplay] , draw-pencil, ink , charcoal ,& india. photography is a huge passion . while i was in art school [photography], i decided that social commentary was my responsibility. documenting [image+story] chained dogs began years ago, and i use the photos today in order to better serve outside dogs [the ones we all notice who are 24/7 tethered miserably, and basically forgotten souls.] not glamourous work by any means, like portraiture/wedding photography, but connected are two of my main loves: dogs/photography.

i have so many interests from ants to zoological parks [scheduling lecture series!]. ha. i bet many of you are similar?
:walking-poodle:

[christie]

I have no idea how to make it go away. Deep breathing and getting away from people seems to help.

I was wearing my MP3 player in public places that freak me out...like the grocery store and crowded airports...but my G/F says that is dangerous. So I don't know.

I'm not sure how C thinks that its dangerous to wear your MP3 in public places. I use mine in stores all the time - I seem to have a "please come talk to me and tell me your life story in 12 minutes" energy I emit, so I find that if I am jamming out with earphones in, people tend to NOT do that.

I've been known to have the earbuds in and the player off - it keeps the Momma in law from being chatty patty :dance2:

I would be interested in how C perceives this to be a personal safety issue.

[Apocalipstic]

I hope I'm not intruding, but I read over this thread regularly. I guess you would call me an NT - although I hate using the term 'normal' for anything. The reason for my post is that I just wanted ya'll to know how brave you are for putting yourselves out here like you do. I have learned a tremendous amount on this thread, and admire each and every one of you.


Thank you and I love the new screen name! :)

i love to write [poetry/haiku/iambic pentameter/screenplay] , draw-pencil, ink , charcoal ,& india. photography is a huge passion . while i was in art school [photography], i decided that social commentary was my responsibility. documenting [image+story] chained dogs began years ago, and i use the photos today in order to better serve outside dogs [the ones we all notice who are 24/7 tethered miserably, and basically forgotten souls.] not glamourous work by any means, like portraiture/wedding photography, but connected are two of my main loves: dogs/photography.

i have so many interests from ants to zoological parks [scheduling lecture series!]. ha. i bet many of you are similar?
:walking-poodle:



I love animals, my fav part of the zoo is the bats. Bats are so cute. I really want a bathouse :). I often think I communicate better with dogs and cats than I do humans...(WAY BETTER, we have talks) One time I sat at the Knoxville zoo and looked at a lady bug while my friends walked around.

I like trains, history, maps, art, music, literature. I do write poetry too, and often rhyme even when I don't mean to. I like geeky stuff like what airlines are from which country, stops on train routes, history of man made lakes...information. What year a song came out, label and other info. Diseases. I drew all the time when I was little, I need to do more of that now. I love color.

I'm not sure how C thinks that its dangerous to wear your MP3 in public places. I use mine in stores all the time - I seem to have a "please come talk to me and tell me your life story in 12 minutes" energy I emit, so I find that if I am jamming out with earphones in, people tend to NOT do that.

I've been known to have the earbuds in and the player off - it keeps the Momma in law from being chatty patty :dance2:

I would be interested in how C perceives this to be a personal safety issue.


I am not sure either, maybe that I won't be paying enough attention? or maybe that she herself is nto able to multitask, so she assumes I can't? Must ask. :)

[Darth Denkay]

Thank you for the correction Liam, and my apologies to everyone.

The N in NT stands for neuro, not normal; NT is the acronym for neuro-typical.

[violaine]

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124698825

[Jess]

http://www.edweek.org/ew/index.html?intc=ml

Full of info regarding education needs and progress for "special needs".

[Butterbean]

"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease."

-Buddha

[Apocalipstic]

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124698825

This was very interesting.

There are so amny times that things seem so obvious to us, when other people don't see. TU for posting! :)

"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease."

-Buddha


I agree to an extent, except it is so simplified as to almost suggest blaming the victim.

Yes, every thought we have influences us and our health and if we give up all expectations and devote ourselves to meditation and prayer and someone else is paying our bills so we can...then Yes, we will have less stress induced illness.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Butterbean,

I disagree with your quote from Buddha. I know for me it doesn't fit. I was dropped on my head by my brother when I was a day old. There is nobody to blame, it was an accident, pure and simple.

I think pretty much most of us here are not responsible for their neurological disorders. They are inherited, or caused by disease, or an accident such as an in my case.

Peace,
Andrew

[Apocalipstic]

"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease."

-Buddha

Do you think your tumor was your fault? I am a bit confused as to why you chose this quote?

[Liam]

"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease."

-Buddha


Butterbean,

I disagree with your quote from Buddha. I know for me it doesn't fit. I was dropped on my head by my brother when I was a day old. There is nobody to blame, it was an accident, pure and simple.

I think pretty much most of us here are not responsible for their neurological disorders. They are inherited, or caused by disease, or an accident such as an in my case.

Peace,
Andrew


Do you think your tumor was your fault? I am a bit confused as to why you chose this quote?


I don't think this quote from Buddha is assigning blame at all, rather it is about what we do with our lives—how we choose to respond to what comes our way, whether it be illness, events that traumatize us, or our inherited genes. We do make choices; regardless of things we have no control over, there remain some, which we do. Despite the challenges we may have in life, we can write our own story.

[Apocalipstic]

I don't think this quote from Buddha is assigning blame at all, rather it is about what we do with our lives—how we choose to respond to what comes our way, whether it be illness, events that traumatize us, or our inherited genes. We do make choices; regardless of things we have no control over, there remain some, which we do. Despite the challenges we may have in life, we can write our own story.

I do not agree with that completely.

Yes, we can have a great attitude and we can live right and healthy but some things are out of our control.

My opinion.

[Liam]

I do not agree with that completely.

Yes, we can have a great attitude and we can live right and healthy but some things are out of our control.

My opinion.

Well, I said there are somethings we have no control over.

[Apocalipstic]

Well, I said there are somethings we have no control over.


Cool! Then we agree :)

PS, I meant I do not agree entirely with Buddha, but agree with you that he was likely not trying to assign blame.

[Butterbean]

Exactly, Liam. Your explanation is so perfect, I'll leave it at that. Why meddle with perfection? LOL





I don't think this quote from Buddha is assigning blame at all, rather it is about what we do with our lives—how we choose to respond to what comes our way, whether it be illness, events that traumatize us, or our inherited genes. We do make choices; regardless of things we have no control over, there remain some, which we do. Despite the challenges we may have in life, we can write our own story.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Everyone has their own story to tell, not just the sick. What about the poor, the needy, the wealthy, the independent, the dependent, and so on and on?

[Liam]

Everyone has their own story to tell, not just the sick. What about the poor, the needy, the wealthy, the independent, the dependent, and so on and on?


Andrew, have you heard of the expression, "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade?" This quote Butterbean shared, is saying the same thing. It isn't leaving anyone out, because people are either healthy or not.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Hi Liam, :smelling-flower:

I have heard of that saying, but didn't know it was the = to Buddha's quote. Now, I am more confused than ever. My apology if what I stated came out wrong or confusing. That was not my intent.

Peace,
Andrew

[violaine]

'it's not what we're dealt, it's how we deal'.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Belle,

Thank you! As always, you are good with this for me.

ox,
Andrew
:bbq:

[Apocalipstic]

and, we don't have to agree to still like each other! :)

[Andrew, Jr.]

I always, forever, and a day tangle up words in sentences. It is just how it is with me. Like salt on chips. :heartbeat:

[Apocalipstic]

It especially happens when I speak aloud. My words can get all jumbled, or I pause to not stutter and people think I don't know words.

Ehhhhhhh....

But hey, its SPRING!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Yes it is. :cowboihorse:

[Apocalipstic]

I find it worth noting how differently we all process things even though we are all on the spectrum.

Like for me, I process historical details like Buddha lived around 2600 years ago, was allegedly the son of royalty and left his family for monastic life after seeing how things were outside his sheltered existence. People back then knew nothing of germs, viruses (or virii...I ponder this too. lol) then I am on to DNA. From DNA I jump to how easy it is to make pronouncements like say the Dalai Llama does...about giving up all expectations to be happy, when you are hanging out at the Ritz Carlton with Richard Gere and all of your needs are taken care of...so you have no day to day stress other than wanting to get back to Tibet, where you have really never lived....and on and on I spin...

When really, all that is meant is do your best with what you have.

I am sooo too literal. :annoyed: with myself.

[violaine]

jen,

for me it's usually 'patterns and connections' processing. i can do what you are describing as well, and tend to learn [from previous experiences] by patterns and connections. maybe lots of people process like that- but it might not be as rigid as it could possibly be for some aspies?

i met with some friends last evening, and we were watching film. there was someone crying in a scene, and i asked why he [the character] was so upset? one of my friends said it was because the character had to do something very unpleasant, and he did not wish to carry out the act.

well, i watched and waited for a few moments for the 'unpleasant act' to appear, and when it did not happen, i really felt convinced that i'd missed something kind of big. my friend looked over and said to me, 'oh, it hasn't happened yet! ;)

working for a tree committee years ago, i was driving the little truck and the founder was passenger. he said to me, 'you will need to turn ... ' and i guess he had a spot picked out in his line of sight [some sort of invisible unspoken indicator?] but i didn't know what he meant, so i turned the wheel immediately.

afterwards, he commented to me- 'i know now how this [aspergers] works.

ha.

i think for me sometimes, the time frame is different than NT's- i feel like i am in the moment right then of the crying scene or the turn, et c.

hope this is helpful and makes sense!

ox

[Apocalipstic]

Belle, that totally makes sense, I have almost driven into someones yard that way. :)

And yes, I base my behaviours on previous similar situations. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. Or, I wayyyyyy over think.

On another note, Saturday I met your 9 year old Aspie friend. GRIN. We talked about books and reading. What a beautiful girl. She reminded me of me at that age in thought.

[violaine]

well, then she is ever so lucky to have made your acquiantance, sweet jen :)

i adore her, and cannot wait to see her again :writer: [her mom too!]

what does your week look like? things are fairly quiet here with the animal control, humane society, and the committee work. sometimes, i check the phone to see if it's still working. other times, it rings like mad.

love to you!

liam, where are you? do you want to fly a kite later this afternoon? just come over! ;)

belle
ox

[Liam]

liam, where are you? do you want to fly a kite later this afternoon? just come over! ;)

belle
ox

Hey Belle!

I'm in Park County! After spending two days kicking rocks, I'm taking it easy today. Kite flying would be better here, I think, come on over!!

[Apocalipstic]

Flying kites sounds wonderful, the sky is blue and there is a nice breeze.

No too busy of a week, work and stuff.

In 2 weeks I get to go see my sister and her 2 kids in LA. I am so excited!

I hope I will get to see our friend and her Mom again soon too. :)

[Spirit Dancer]

Belle, that totally makes sense, I have almost driven into someones yard that way. :)

And yes, I base my behaviours on previous similar situations. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. Or, I wayyyyyy over think.

On another note, Saturday I met your 9 year old Aspie friend. GRIN. We talked about books and reading. What a beautiful girl. She reminded me of me at that age in thought.

she adored you too:peacelove:

[Spirit Dancer]

well, then she is ever so lucky to have made your acquiantance, sweet jen :)

i adore her, and cannot wait to see her again :writer: [her mom too!]

what does your week look like? things are fairly quiet here with the animal control, humane society, and the committee work. sometimes, i check the phone to see if it's still working. other times, it rings like mad.

love to you!

liam, where are you? do you want to fly a kite later this afternoon? just come over! ;)

belle
ox


:praying::D

[Andrew, Jr.]

Peace and all good, just for today. :praying::cigar::gimmehug:

[christie]

I hope you are all having a fabulous week. We will be hitting Nashville on Thursday afternoon.

My Aspie son is in what I am refer to as a meltdown. Its just not a good situation and I am finding that the older/more mature he becomes, the more rigid and resolute he is in his way of thinking/viewing a situation than ever before.

I don't know how much of this is just his growing up and how much of his inability to listen to other points of view is attributed to his wiring. (Or that it even matters which it is)

Please keep us in your thoughts as we try to navigate the situation and hope we make the best decision for him. Its already been a long week and its just Tuesday. :wallbreak:

[violaine]

dear christie,

my thoughts are with you and your family, during this time of your son experiencing meltdown issues. :smelling-flower:

not a very amusing situation at all for anyone involved [aspie/family/friends], and i do hope the reason[s] for the upset resolves quickly.

best,
belle

[Apocalipstic]

Meltdown. I get that.

I think I am dancing on the edge of one myself.

I hope he and you feel way better way fast! :)

[violaine]

this happened to me today during a phone conversation;

i was wondering if any of you have ever been in the presence of someone who couldn't understand meaning of your words, and so their voice raised at you [question mark- my keyboard is acting strange].

that makes me upset, and i realise that i've been frustrated too, during conversations with nt's [caps not working either], whenever i must repeat myself multiple times. after a while, i am really worn out-

patience, even tone, and consistency work best for me.

belle

[Apocalipstic]

i was wondering if any of you have ever been in the presence of someone who couldn't understand meaning of your words, and so their voice raised at you [question mark- my keyboard is acting strange].

that makes me upset, and i realise that i've been frustrated too, during conversations with nt's [caps not working either], whenever i must repeat myself multiple times. after a while, i am really worn out-

patience, even tone, and consistency work best for me.

belle

Yes, yes and YES.

and yes I am so very worn out.

I hope everyone feels better! Hugs!

PS, and I hate it when people raise their voices for pretty much any reason.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Belle,

My answers are YES, YES, and YES. I am over-cooked now. At 46yo I am done. Society doesn't care, families are worn out, and there isn't too much help in terms of the medical community. Plus I have no faith in the medical community at all. Zero.

When people raise their voices to me like I am stupid, lazy, deaf, or whatever, it makes the situation worse. I am not deaf, lazy, or stupid. I have a delay in how I process verbal communication. :flasher:

[christie]

Thank you all for the warm thoughts :) We really appreciate your support. Its been a very, very trying time and the manipulation techniques Bratboy is utilizing is just wearing us out.

I had a lil retail therapy tonight at BooksAMillion - I picked up this one:
Amazon.com: Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum: A Parent's Guide to the Cognitive, Social, Physical, and Transition Needs ofTeenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorders: Chantal Sicile-Kira, Temple Grandin: Books

Have any of you read it?

[Kimbo]

A friend of mine and I were out to dinner last night and she said to me that she felt that something was different with her grand baby. She is not quite 2 years old. Some of the things that she mentioned made me wonder if she was somewhere in the autistic spectrum, she feels the same. Do any of you have a recommendation of books or resources that she could read up on especially about young children? The easiest read possible the better.

[moxie]

A friend of mine and I were out to dinner last night and she said to me that she felt that something was different with her grand baby. She is not quite 2 years old. Some of the things that she mentioned made me wonder if she was somewhere in the autistic spectrum, she feels the same. Do any of you have a recommendation of books or resources that she could read up on especially about young children? The easiest read possible the better.


A lot of states have a program called First Steps that provides early intervention services for children between birth and three years old. It's for a child that is not developing typically in at least one of the following skill areas: communication, cognition, physical, social and emotional or self-help.

I will find the information for Washington and PM you. I am having a hard time finding it right now as First Steps in WA is something else.

[christie]

A friend of mine and I were out to dinner last night and she said to me that she felt that something was different with her grand baby. She is not quite 2 years old. Some of the things that she mentioned made me wonder if she was somewhere in the autistic spectrum, she feels the same. Do any of you have a recommendation of books or resources that she could read up on especially about young children? The easiest read possible the better.

Kimbo -

When Bratboy was diagnosed an aspie, AS had only been in the DSM for right at two years. Resources were unheard of and the OASIS site and community provided answers for me. The community went on to publish a book The Oasis Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. While your friend's grandaughter might not be an aspie, I would start with this link http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/ and then look at the other Spectrum diagnoses from there.

I also think that the suggestion for First Steps is a good one. You might also check with the local children's hospital to see if they have a Department specializing in assessment and diagnosis.

I think the blessing in having a young child diagnosed on the spectrum today as opposed to 1995 is the amount of resources, information, advocacy and awareness present. Many of the challenges I faced would be mere blips on the radar today.

Best of luck to your friend.

Christie

[always2late]

A friend of mine and I were out to dinner last night and she said to me that she felt that something was different with her grand baby. She is not quite 2 years old. Some of the things that she mentioned made me wonder if she was somewhere in the autistic spectrum, she feels the same. Do any of you have a recommendation of books or resources that she could read up on especially about young children? The easiest read possible the better.

I am chiming in to agree with the previous posts about First Steps, or early intervention. Tell your friend to contact the school district that the grandchild is in. Early intervention was invaluable to me when it came to diagnosing and treating my son. After pulling my hair out, and going to doctor after doctor trying to convince them that something was not quite right with my son....having that resource was a life-saver. I don't know where either of us would be now without it.

[Kimbo]

I think First Steps is perfect for them. They are not readers or the kind to research something. I also think that they have the same thought process that I have which is start with a Dr and then a possible onslaught of drugs or misdiagnosis. It is grandma who is seeing the behaviour and mom is a bit touchy about the topic. To know that First Steps can help them evaluate her behaviour first without a Dr is really perfect. Thank you all.

[christie]

Thank you all for your support during what has probably been one of the most trying weeks as a parent.

We arrived in Nashville yesterday and I think I have effectively diffused the situation. Bratboy isn't happy with me right now, but as I learned long ago, sometimes being a good parent isn't always rainbows and butterflies. I am certain he will be just fine and it won't be long till he needs $ for internet clothes for his avatar and I will be his newest best friend again. LOL

[violaine]

leaving home- where everything is more or less predictable, to go on a trip- even the planning of one, or being witness to other people arranging details, can initiate anxiety. when i was a bratgirl [ha] puzzle piece went missing as to why i would encounter such anxiety/touchiness round the time of some sort of big event - other than the juncture itself.

a mind works incredibly fast, yet i believe noteworthy / situational links also can get overlooked with such a rapid firing of certain neurotransmitters. of course, there are neurotransmitters involved in and responsible for producing anxiety and depression.

each time i pull out of the drive, the world becomes fickle. i cannot access knobs for immediate protection to all of the senses, should that need arise- volume, being the one of most concern.

[Jess]

volume, being the one of most concern.

sometimes the "volume" is deafening... thanks!

[violaine]

agreed, jess. covering my ears is something i still do to shield from jarring environmental offences.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Belle,

One of the things you can use is the noise reducing headsets. I have a pair that I got at a Church bazzaar. It works miracles for me.

[violaine]

“The last thing I want to clarify is that no matter how much social interaction one has, one will never be free of autism. The tendencies to be and act in certain ways may subside but I will always be autistic.” - sue rubin

http://www.stateart.com/works.php?workId=27

i found this film at the library last year, and did enjoy watching it because in my mind, the process going into filmmaking, as well as support system to sue rubin [family and friends], seemed to embrace and honestly represent the 'spectrum' of traits associated with autism.

kiriana cowansage-

'The media still has a very long way to go, apparently, before autistic people are written about in a maximally balanced manner. However, it is at least encouraging that some people are recognizing that no, not all of us on the spectrum are male, and that yes, we understand that other people have minds, and that no, we are not schizoid or sociopathic, and that yes, we are capable of learning, having feelings, and leading happy and productive lives.'


http://www.existenceiswonderful.com/2007/01/of-persons-and-apparent-paradox.html

wishing everyone a happy friday and weekend - :flowers:

belle

[Jess]

There are a couple films running on the premium channels this month. One is called Mozart and the Whale ( an autism love story) and one is about a mother with an autistic child ( I think Kate Winslett is in it). I can't recall the name of the second one.

Have any of you seen either? We have set up the recorder to tape them so we can watch, but have missed the beginning when scrolling through , so it may be next week before we get to see them.

Will let ya know how they are/ were when we do :)

[violaine]

''... Sharing a language of what society terms social dysfunction does not in and of itself mean that two people with Asperger's share an entirely common language, way of being, or even way of easily connecting... '

http://www.aspergeradults.ca/mozartwhalereview.html


jess,

i have seen mozart and the whale, and enjoyed it [albeit a somewhat sad film]. radha mitchell starred in a very intense and dark movie, not asperger autism related, 'p u 239 / the half life of timofey berezin'.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0472156/


have you seen snow cake / this is autism, but not asperger syndrome -

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0448124/

i really loved how well-suited linda and alex were for each other. his sense of humour- dry/sarcastic - was perfect for her style. the scrabble game is the b.e.s.t. scene.

great quotes-

Linda Freeman:

Neurotypical people are obsessed with having friends. I'm only trying to help you get some.

He stops for one second and he's totally overwhelmed by how big the world is and how small and unimportant he is. And as he turns around, we see his face look to the sky. And he says, very quietly, so that no one can hear him: "Dazlious".

[violaine]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0289992/

[DapperButch]

http://www.delawareonline.com/article/20100418/HEALTH/4180332/

:)

[violaine]

what do you think about her survival skills, which ultimately saved her life in the [not so tame] environment for five days? i've tried to explain to people that living with heightened sensory issues are for me, perhaps how an animal perceives his/her world- noticing so much visually: tiny pieces of paper, glass, insects, movement, and that is only one of the senses. i have spent enough time around different kinds of animals to notice what they notice, and recognise a similarity or being connected, to the external environment in a likewise manner.

less wired than NT's for [the stuff i do not 'get'], including the need for heavy socialisation, group think, and fitting in with the 'crowd'.

i remember when lake jesup was spelled lake jessup. the girl was lucky to have not been eaten by alligators! i grew up in the area. thank you for sharing the story, Dapperbutch- how are you feeling?

happy for the girl and her family :) love florida, do not miss the alligators and giant mosquitoes!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Belle,

I watched the David Gale movie with my adopted family. It was amazing. Afterwards they all just were quiet.

For me, I have ocd. I obsess on certain things. For example, when I was younger it was my camera. Then on a fishing trip my bio-father threw it in a rage on the boat, breaking it. It confused me more than baiting the lures. We were out deep sea fishing for yellow fin tuna, dolphin, and marlin. And my father was in one of his moods.

Now with being an aspi, my therapist from years ago thought it was a dual diagnosis.

As for friends, I am different. I am not into having oodles. I would rather have a few that have my back at all times. My adopted sister owns her own home building company. I can see how people try to manipulate each other to befriend her. And it isn't for friendship either. They are looking at what she can do for them. I tell her that she has to really watch who is in her life and why. Some see her for her money, and others she her for her spirit. Money is the root of all evil, & believe you me, that is the truth. I have watched that happen over repeatedly.

Andrew

[violaine]

“Contrary to the expectations associated with the label of ‘genius’,” the study noted, “they tended to hold modest goals for themselves …”

To Allan Snyder, however, a genius is someone who changes the way humanity thinks, a path that requires not just a high IQ but the ability to withstand adversity and take on conventional wisdom. Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, he points out, were college dropouts who changed the world by creating the personal computer revolution.

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/features/beautiful-minds/story-e6frg8h6-1111114147837