Things you should never say on a date.

[cinnamongrrl]

Don't jump up, yell "Time to launch the torpedos!" and run for the bathroom.

I laughed SO HARD at this....it's more something you'd want to say if a date was going badly....or at least I would :sunglass:

[JDeere]

Can you do my laundry?

[Humanesque]

What's your name again?

[A. Spectre]

Oh My God! Check out our bartender. She is soooooo hot!"

Or tip the hot bartender so extravagantly it amounts to the same thing. *chuckle

[Evolved]

I'm looking for a new place to live, can my kids move in with you?

[Daniela]

I laughed SO HARD at this....it's more something you'd want to say if a date was going badly....or at least I would :sunglass:

FYI—I wasn't the one who did this (I feel the need to clarify)! :giggle: I saw this crime committed upon a friend of mine and she was definitely not impressed. lol

[cinnamongrrl]

must bump...its a fave and I never did date much...so its a vicarious thrill...

[homoe]

"Then my parole officer says..."

[Yanz]

Talk about what her ex like o dislikes...example..."hey...u don't eat broccoli?..my ex also don't like brocoli n etc......"....i dun like such comparison....its annoyed me....uhuhu

[homoe]

"Wow, you have a good appetite:chef:

[uglyboi]

"I've had a streak of dating frigid, ugly, evil women, and judging by you, my streak is still going"

[homoe]

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

[C0LLETTE]

"Could you please eat a little faster. I'm meeting my ex for drinks at 8 ."

[C0LLETTE]

"I don't wish to be rude but in the ad you said you were good looking"

[homoe]

Just how OLD is that photo on your profile:worried:

[homoe]

Can you give me a second? My ex is calling:blink:

[Sweet Bliss]

"I'll give you back your credit card if you have dinner with me tonight."


ummmm, that's called theft. (insert call to non emergency police number)

[homoe]

If you're at a restaurant NEVER ask the waiter how spicy a dish is, then turn to your date and clarify you had to asked due to the fact you have IBS! IBS is no laugh ting matter but it's a subject you might want to avoid on a first date just to be safe:eatinghersheybar:

[cinnamongrrl]

If you're at a restaurant NEVER ask the waiter how spicy a dish is, then turn to your date and clarify you had to asked due to the fact you have IBS! IBS is no laugh ting matter but it's something you might want to avoid on a first date just to be safe:eatinghersheybar:

Omg this totally reminded me of something...

when I first got to Asheville I went on a date with this girl. She KNEW she couldnt have anything remotely spicy (:|) and ordered a sandwich with salami and some other spicy meat...

well...she had a complete coughing fit (think Mrs Doubtfire when Pierce Brosnan has the pepper hes allergic to) complete with food flying from her mouth. I had already put her in the friend column....but...yeah...

Make sure you can always hold your liquor and handle your spice!

[C0LLETTE]

"Could you please put this bottle in your purse, I always find the vodka they serve in restaurants is so expensive."

[homoe]

IF you go out to eat on the first date..grab the check! IF it makes her feel uncomfortable you paying and she insists on paying her portion PLEASE don't pull out a calculator and figure it down to the last penny!

[JDeere]

Mentioning baby daddy or baby momma drama.

[A. Spectre]

I have my mother's eyes......


in my pocket."

[C0LLETTE]

I'm so depressed. My soul mate gf just dumped me last night. Can I move in with you? I promise not to talk about how much I still love her.

[Angeltoes]

The last date I had was over the Summer with someone who identifies as trans. After making several anti-lesbian/anti-female statements finally said, 'I don't believe in gay marriage.' Then he went on to say that gay people should call it something else, just not marriage. But that he could get married because he's not gay. I was speechless, so I just said I had to go...and he said...'I hope I didn't offend you.' I was like 'no, of course not.' :blink:

How dense can someone be? This is the sort of reason I've pretty much give up on dating. It seems like a waste of time.

[homoe]

never ever mention the date you had last night, even if it was spectacular! To do so would just be tacky and uncalled for!

[C0LLETTE]

try to remember your date's name.

[JDeere]

Talk about your sexual escapades of your past, that is a NO NO NO NO NO!

[kittygrrl]

my bedtime is 9 o'clock:confused:

[Bubala]

"... you're gonna be my retirement plan!" *puke*

[boioboi]

'I still live with my ex. Yeah, it's no big deal. We had post-break up sex last night....'

[Angeltoes]

Never say 'you're almost as pretty as my old girlfriend. God I loved her.' Someone said this to me once and that date ended quickly!

People have said so many dumb things to me on first dates or trying to pick me up... there must be something about me.

[Shystonefem]

On the first and last date, the conversation was all about her ex. She loved her but the ex was too (physically) sick to have around her son. She proceeded to take out a pic and show me. I said (politely) "oh, she's cute" to which she said "she's fucking beautiful". So I gave her the pep talk about if you love someone you can make it work then politely made up an excuse to leave.

Friend zoned immediately and if she is on this site, she will know who I am.

[imperfect_cupcake]

"You are a massage therapist and you used to be a cook? Fantastic! I would love someone to cook for me, keep the house nice and rub my sore muscles in the evening."

Mate, so would I. So would I. But that's not why I would date someone. How would you feel if I said "you make lots of money and you used to be a cabinate maker?? Fantastic! I would love someone to pay for all my shoes and dinners and come over and fix all the things that need fixing in my house." Kinda shit, hey? Yeah. That.

Seriously, this has been said to me wayyy too many times.

[RockOn]

Date # 4:

"That wine really lights you up."

She is an active alcoholic. I did not know this at the time I made the above comment. I dearly paid for it. She bitched me out about my love of Hamburger Helper for an entire week. After a week, I said "Take those 2 boxes I left in your kitchen cabinet and throw them in the trash."

I did not know WTF was happening until way way later.

Poor woman, cannot talk about what is really bothering her, especially if it has anything to do with her drinking.

Edit:
The reason I said it was because she was so "lively" the night before, she almost fell off my lap and would have surely cracked her head open on the stone tile floor. Then I said we need to move to the bedroom and it was difficult to get her there. With my best efforts, she still almost fell at least twice. I was honestly scared she would end up hurt very badly. Still, wish I could have talked to her about it in a different way. I sincerely cared for her.

sometimes femmes refer to me as a 2x4 butch
duh ... :(

[Chad]

After reading these comments about dates with other people I thought about myself. I have said some embarrassing things on a date not often but once after too much wine I said something complementary about her breasts. Well that relationship lasted over 5 years and was good til the end. Sometimes it is okay to make a mistake.

Ladies have asked me about my salary and my home but those are easy to see and eliminate. Ladies that go on about exes are also a red flag.

[Shystonefem]

Ladies have asked me about my salary and my home but those are easy to see and eliminate. Ladies that go on about exes are also a red flag.

I don't really care about the salary thing. At least they know that I don't need them for their money. My house is pretty modest so, lol, that proves I am not mega-rich.

[Nattih]

"oh yeah, I used to be very successful and i spoiled my ex wife. She never had to lift a finger. *proceeds to pull out proof*"

"Can we just share an entree?"

- same person

[Shystonefem]

Oh, I know your ex, I know all about you.

UGH!!!

[MsTinkerbelly]

Other than a few strange first dates, the one thing that used to irritate the heck out of me was something being mentioned by quite a few people here.

Please stfu about your ex....get over her before you start dating again, and then leave her in the past where she belongs. One person I dated talked about their ex in EVERY conversation we had during the time we dated.

I hope they didn't do that with the next gf :blink:

[imperfect_cupcake]

I surf that one. I don't think there is anything wrong talking about your exes (or am I the only one with several exes in my life?) in regards to talking about *your* life. Like if you are telling a story about a vacation you took and you were married for 9 years, it's likely much of your recent life is going to have stories that include ones ex. Fact of life. I don't want people to never talk abut the stories of their life because they fell in love and had sex before dating me. I *love* stories about people's lives. And if people edit their exes out of them, that's just weird.

But *pining* about ones recent ex in front of a new date is bad form. So is endless ranting.

There is a difference in talking about your life with exes in it, and talking about one recent ex in particular in an obsessive manner.

I want to get to know people, their lives, their histories, their stories... That's going to have stories with exes in them as characters that are part of the play about their lives.

Obsessing about someone you've just broken up with while meeting another is poor form. Maybe just look for casual date sex while going through that.

[MsTinkerbelly]

I surf that one. I don't think there is anything wrong talking about your exes (or am I the only one with several exes in my life?) in regards to talking about *your* life. Like if you are telling a story about a vacation you took and you were married for 9 years, it's likely much of your recent life is going to have stories that include ones ex. Fact of life. I don't want people to never talk abut the stories of their life because they fell in love and had sex before dating me. I *love* stories about people's lives. And if people edit their exes out of them, that's just weird.

But *pining* about ones recent ex in front of a new date is bad form. So is endless ranting.

There is a difference in talking about your life with exes in it, and talking about one recent ex in particular in an obsessive manner.

I want to get to know people, their lives, their histories, their stories... That's going to have stories with exes in them as characters that are part of the play about their lives.

Obsessing about someone you've just broken up with while meeting another is poor form. Maybe just look for casual date sex while going through that.

Our lives include experiences with other people, and they are a part of my conversation if appropriate to the situation...but we all know the difference between mentioning an ex in a conversation, and making every conversation a conversation about an ex.

I believe we agree about that :hangloose:

Although i have to say, I love the way you put your thoughts into writing! (f)

[imperfect_cupcake]

Our lives include experiences with other people, and they are a part of my conversation if appropriate to the situation...but we all know the difference between mentioning an ex in a conversation, and making every conversation a conversation about an ex.

I believe we agree about that :hangloose:

Although i have to say, I love the way you put your thoughts into writing! (f)

I have done it though. And I feel bad for the woman I did it to. She was very empathetic and we had a couple fabulous dates and really fun sex but it was too soon and I didn't realize it till I was curled up in her bathroom having a cry. I think most people are too distressed about their break up understand they are being a giant twat.

I think I was very lucky after my wife to find someone who had just been left by *their* wife so we could get together for friendship, , dates, sex and mutual bitching and crying. We certainly weren't looking for "the one".

I wish the was a "recently been dumped" website where you could find mutual support, sex and fun without trying the patience of the general dating public lol

[homoe]

BUMP BUMP BUMP

[homoe]

NEVER NEVER NEVER haul out a coupon on a first date:seeingstars:

[JDeere]

Mention bad things about your childrens biological father. That's a huge no no for me, I have to see the dude and how he behaves before I give my opinion.

[imperfect_cupcake]

NEVER NEVER NEVER haul out a coupon on a first date:seeingstars:

Hmn. For me that depends. I've been dirt poor where I couldn't even afford something without a coupon. But if someone said "hey, you mind if we go to X? I've got a 50% off for it."
I'd be totally agreeable! In fact I'd think they were kind of on the ball and be a bit impressed.

But t then I've been a student the past three years and have had to buy all my veg from the dollar bin, so I'm likely viewing fro, a different angle.

Different folks, different boats....

[CyberStud]

1. "My therapist tells me (fill in the blank)" Any sentence that starts with this, definitely is a concern for me. I'm all for self improvement and discovery but when someone you pay has to tell you what to think and/or do...I'm worried! :bolt:

2."You’re not the type of person I usually go for!" Then why are we on a first date...actually I don't want to know! :blink:

3. "My ex always used to say…" Do I need to say anymore!? :eek:

4. "I’m about to go on a trip for the next six months" Well adios amigo! :byebye:

[C0LLETTE]

Personally, I'd avoid asking my date if they preferred Clinton or Sanders.

[boioboi]

(Second date on a walk through the woods) Date pointed to a spot and said: 'My ex and I had sex right here.'

.......:blink:

[kittygrrl]

Personally, I'd avoid asking my date if they preferred Clinton or Sanders.

I'd ask :)

[meridiantoo]

"We're going on a double date with my recent ex and her new girlfriend. Guess who your date is?!"

[homoe]

(Second date on a walk through the woods) Date pointed to a spot and said: 'My ex and I had sex right here.'

.......:blink:

No doubt the second date was the last?????

[Brooklyn]

Bottom line - I do not want to hear about anyone's ex's - huge red flag for me.

[JDeere]

Ex talk can be too much but if your current partner is still in communication with an ex due to children then that should be said up front.

[Blade]

How about you pick up the tab. I don't get paid til next week. Sorry I ordered all those shots.

[nina03]

On a first (and last) date with someone about ten years ago, she told me I'd outgrow my spiritual beliefs.
I've also heard stuff about not usually being into fat women, but my personality is just so great, they couldn't resist. (That one didn't get a second date, either.)

[CherylNYC]

"(eyeroll) I'm sorry I crashed your bike, OKAY? I'll fix it."

True story.

[Prudence]

OH... so her screen name is the same as mine on another site.

[kittygrrl]

i'm carrying (just in case):fastdraq:..................:byebye:

[Bubala]

Once upon a time this person I went on a date with referred to my ("way to small", B cup breasts) in the following statement: "Well, I don't want to be with them (the breasts), but you..." So I walked away and changed my number, nope, no thank you, I am better, know batter and can do better than that! lol

[C0LLETTE]

If your date flirts with the waitress, discretely take the waitress aside and tell her that your date would like to take the cheque (especially if you are in a large group).

[A. Spectre]

You don't mind if I videotape our date do you? Just relax, act normal.

[homoe]

"Just in case this date goes south, do you have someone we can call for bail money?"

[girl_dee]

*Let me see who is texting me*

[C0LLETTE]

Nice restaurant. Hey, let's break the ice. Want to see me balance the steak knife on the tip of my nose?

[C0LLETTE]

I hear this is a great movie. Ohhhhh damn I dropped my popcorn all over the floor! Can you help me pick it up, I didn't bring enough cash for another bag.

[C0LLETTE]

Happy you asked:
Gosh, that was long ago...yeah, I think she was the ex of my ex who was the ex of the woman I dated last year who was the ex of her cousin's ex when her ex was dating the ex i had dated before this ex when her ex started dating my cousin's ex before her ex got involved with this straight woman who had 6 kids, some of whom i dated last year because I had no idea they were the ex' ex ex ex's.
Gosh, I really like you. Are you free tomorrow?

[C0LLETTE]

Tell me your thoughts on birth control, abortion and the immaculate conception....oh look, the appetizers and salad are coming!

[*Anya*]

Happy you asked:
Gosh, that was long ago...yeah, I think she was the ex of my ex who was the ex of the woman I dated last year who was the ex of her cousin's ex when her ex was dating the ex i had dated before this ex when her ex started dating my cousin's ex before her ex got involved with this straight woman who had 6 kids, some of whom i dated last year because I had no idea they were the ex' ex ex ex's.
Gosh, I really like you. Are you free tomorrow?

You remind me so much of my ex.

I never said this.

[C0LLETTE]

Waiter's coming:
Please don't order anything for me that has red meat, pink meat, fish, poultry, wheat product, corn product, any kind of oil ( I don't care if it's olive or avocado ),vegetables that grows above or below ground or any fruit that has seeds and pits bigger that.0001 mm, anything that may have come out of a cow, including milk, cream, butter, yoghurt, also no cheese of any kind.

I'll just give you the list when the waiter comes.I'm really sorry I had no time to tell you before you picked the restaurant.

[2qt]

Where do you work, like what part of town & what address?
Does it pay good money?
What's your mothers name?
Have you ever had sex on a 1st date?
Do you fall in love easily?
So tell me about yourself? (Whilst telling me their entire life story without taking a single breath)
Do you wanna to do a selfie together because I wanna show my friends who i'm on a date with?

Then after all those questions comes the famous last question...

So what do you see in me & would you like to go on another date?

Uhhh..... Let me get back to you on that....

[imperfect_cupcake]

When I date, I don't expect to be the only woman the person is dating. it's *dating* after all, we aren't in a relationship. And hopefully people are honest about that.

so I don't mind people telling me they are dating/screwing/whatever other people - this is honest and I appreciate honesty. I also feel less pressure knowing I'm not going to be expected to give them full monogamy and my life's attention after one meeting of 2 hours - and that's been asked of me A LOT.

But there is a way to do it and a way NOT to do it, eh?

for example, the way *not* to do it, is to tell me how awesome hot the other person they are shagging is, but how fucked up the dynamics are, that there is tons of drama around it (wow, stop, you are totally winning me over, here by talking about your other dates and how you can't draw boundaries with people) till I interrupt the soliloquy and announce my need for the bathroom.

When I come back, they are staring at the phone fondly. Then say "She wants to know how my date is going" Then promptly shows me a pic of her and says "isn't she hot?"

"Sure. I was super hot at ... 28? too. Weren't we all?"

She then sort of woke up from what she was doing, put the phone face down, and talked to me about her health problems.

We had talked for weeks and she was a friend of a mutual friend, so I knew she wasn't dangerous and she had driven a long way (3.5 hours) to have dinner. I had promised her the couch.

That is where she slept.

You know... tell me you don't promise monogamy in the beginning, or that you are dating others, or that you don't do monogamy ever, even. But ffs, have some fucking manners: if you are out on a date with me, you are out on a date with *ME*.

Bullet dodged, anyway.

one of the many past reasons I don't "date" anymore!

[JDeere]

Ask about financial status!

[nycfem]

"My therapist gave me an assignment to go on 50 dates, and you're #36." This actually WAS said to me on a date back in the day.

[Chad]

"Do you mind if my 18 year old daughter joins us" true...and she did.

I decided that one date was enough.

[Abigail Crabby]

What's your financial status.....

[WheatToast]

"Don’t Google me."''

It's a red beauty mark, not a cold sore. Hey, mind if I use your Chapstick?

or

Smell this--does it smell infected?

or

I wish this place served mutton. Ever try it? I could eat it 7 days a week.

or

I don't smoke cigarettes, they're gross. I like cigars! Want a puff?

[WheatToast]

Waiter's coming:
Please don't order anything for me that has red meat, pink meat, fish, poultry, wheat product, corn product, any kind of oil ( I don't care if it's olive or avocado ),vegetables that grows above or below ground or any fruit that has seeds and pits bigger that.0001 mm, anything that may have come out of a cow, including milk, cream, butter, yoghurt, also no cheese of any kind.

I'll just give you the list when the waiter comes.I'm really sorry I had no time to tell you before you picked the restaurant.

"You know, I hunt and kill all my own meat. If you come home with me tonight (and do right by me), I may be willing to let you try some of my homemade squirrel jerky. It's an aphrodisiac, ya know. I'll even let you have the lil' squirrel's chitlins!"

or

"Wow. I never been with a live lady before."

or

"You know, prison sex ain't so bad as long as you're quick about it, and don't try nothin' too fancy."

[kittygrrl]

"I really hate going on blind dates, don't you?" (this is a blind date)

"What's your sign?".................long pause "Oh.....that's usually not a sun sign i'm into"

Blank stares

"Do you mind if i blog this?"

"I usually date blondes" (You're a dark brunette)

"Do you like me?" (Literally, 10 minutes into a date)

[WheatToast]

Tell me your thoughts on birth control, abortion and the immaculate conception....oh look, the appetizers and salad are coming!


Say, have you heard the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ of Nazareth?

[WheatToast]

Nice restaurant. Hey, let's break the ice. Want to see me balance the steak knife on the tip of my nose?


"Hey! Let's sneak over to the bar near the dance floor and steal drinks from the people dancing! God, I got sooooo crunk doing that last night!"

[WheatToast]

Say, have you heard the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ of Nazareth?

I apologize if this offended anyone. It was intended to describe the kind of ultra conservative Christian who thinks being a lesbian should be punished by death. And she's on a date with a lesbian.

[FireSignFemme]

What now I have to pull out your chair for you just because you decided to wear a dress? What next we meet up for a barbecue in hell and you show up in a bathing suit? Well (great big eye roll) if I have to. Just make it quick. I'm not standing here all day.


Well I suppose since I'm the butch I'm the one who's going to have to pay. So what will it be then, the lobster I suppose? They didn't even serve lobster at the place we were at. I don't even care for lobster!


Him - Oh you're in a dress you should have told me, if I'd known you were going to wear a dress I'd have worn one too.
Me – Well I just, when you told me you were transgender...
Him – Transsexual!!!
Me – Oh of course well when you said you were a transsexual...
Him – I am a transsexual!
Me – Okay, when you told me you are a transsexual I guess it just never occurred to me that you might want to show up in a dress so we could match. Um would you like to go home and change? I can wait.


I'm so glad I'm not young any more.

[WheatToast]

What now I have to pull out your chair for you just because you decided to wear a dress? What next we meet up for a barbecue in hell and you show up in a bathing suit? Well (great big eye roll) if I have to. Just make it quick. I'm not standing here all day.


Well I suppose since I'm the butch I'm the one who's going to have to pay. So what will it be then, the lobster I suppose? They didn't even serve lobster at the place we were at. I don't even care for lobster!


Him - Oh you're in a dress you should have told me, if I'd known you were going to wear a dress I'd have worn one too.
Me – Well I just, when you told me you were transgender...
Him – Transsexual!!!
Me – Oh of course well when you said you were a transsexual...
Him – I am a transsexual!
Me – Okay, when you told me you are a transsexual I guess it just never occurred to me that you might want to show up in a dress so we could match. Um would you like to go home and change? I can wait.


I'm so glad I'm not young any more.



That was hysterical!
Here's mine.
Blind date, running late, so I waited for her in the restaurant foyer. She had said before we met, "I 'spose I'm more femme than butch, whatever that means..." (Uh oh).
So, in she comes, with a face like Al Franken only more masculine, and a bobbed, moppy Tony Home perm that had lost its spring months earlier, dyed a putty-ish beige.
She wore a black cowboy shirt tucked into black Wranglers, super pointy black cowboy boots and a thick black leather belt with a giant cowboy belt buckle. It was spring, so the all-black was a rookie mistake for this big old gal, an Ohio native. I didn't mention it.
She also wore about a pint of generic sandalwood oil, covering each pulse point from her ankles to her ears. I could see the scent waves, it was so strong.
She was gruff, another trait I rarely seek in a lady friend, and when the waitress came to take our drink orders, she announced in her booming bass voice, "SEPARATE CHECKS, PLEASE."
(Really? :::eyeroll::: )
She had ordered some kind of boiled shrimp thing, served with the heads on. She made a dramatic presentation out of yanking the heads off, tipping the brains toward her lips and slurping them up so loud, I cringed and gagged at the same time.
By then, I was chugging down a dirty gin martini so fast, the observant waitress didn't have to ask if I wanted another.
Besides her non-stop talking about her ex-lover, "the horrible witch who done her wrong" (yes, she said done, not did) I finally jumped in and asked how recent their break up was. "Seven years," she said. "No, wait, it'll be eight years on the 27th of next month."
By then I was gin-brave and annoyed, so I sighed and said, "Jeeze, lady, maybe you ought to consider hypnosis or something."
She kept forgetting to stop talking about the ex, so I said, "When I raise this finger, it means you're back on your ex."
Finally, she looked up from slurping her remaining shrimp guts and eyeballs, looked me over and said, "Heyyyy, you look pretty dern muscular, that's great. You can help me move some heavy furniture upstairs in my new place."
I did not request a second date, nor did I visit her new place with a dolly and winch.

Years later, I was browsing through a lesbian dating site, looking to see if anyone had poked me.
Yep, there she was again, she'd poked me with her massive, sandalwood soaked finger.
I wrote and said we'd already had the pleasure, and she (probably) grunted as she typed, "Yeah, well, okay then, never mind."

I never saw Ms. Slingblade again. Yet.

[imperfect_cupcake]

One of my last dates was tomboy-ish and I have found a few very lovely closeted what *I* would consider "butch" in that category so I'm usually ok with a date or two but hesitant because it can go horrifically wrong very quickly.

She was an instructor up at UBC, very smart, witty, fun... but not quite grasping the femme thing though I could see it rocked her boat. Her ability to dress herself had obviously stalled in the 80s. Which is hard for me because I like well dressed people, but because I live in a crunchy west coast city these days, I am willing to over look certain things and focus on more important things.

Though the fanny pack, birkenstocks with socks, and mullet-y hair was a hard swallow for the first couple of minutes till her actually charming personality and fun sense of humour shone through.

We hung out a few times and then she got drunk-ish at her neighbour's house ("a girly straight house wife that loves to flirt with the boyish lesbians!" - that she got very overly excited about - radar hint #1 there's quasi-butch in there...) and started sending me pics of this wine party her neighbour was having. "Look at what they are showing me! hey hey!"
and of course straight girls getting their cleavage out for the lezzo to take phone pics of, because that's what drunk straight girls do.

I responded to none of them. But the next day when she was sober, sent a text saying "I appreciate that you may have had partners that were also into girls tits and would have liked the above. As I have said before, tit shots interest me about as much as elbow shots. Possibly less as elbow shots likely have sexy biceps attached to them. If you want to send me sexy pics to interest me, go take some photos a butches in tight-ass sailor costumes with them looking backwards over their shoulders. Maybe send to boob shots to your mates next time, OK? Please don't make me repeat myself again about this."

I got a text asking to take me to my graduation from college dinner. A big deal (2.5 ish years ago, I went back to full time school). Nice! OK. when it rolled around I told her 2 weeks in advance, and the response was "Oh. well... I am dating someone else a bit more seriously. But I can ask her if she minds if I take you."
"no, that's fine. Best of luck."

*eye ROOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL*

Don't text pics of people's cleavage between dates, either unless she *SPECIFICALLY* asks you to.

[FireSignFemme]

That was hysterical!
Here's mine.
Blind date, running late, so I waited for her in the restaurant foyer. She had said before we met, "I 'spose I'm more femme than butch, whatever that means..." (Uh oh).
So, in she comes, with a face like Al Franken only more masculine, and a bobbed, moppy Tony Home perm that had lost its spring months earlier, dyed a putty-ish beige.
She wore a black cowboy shirt tucked into black Wranglers, super pointy black cowboy boots and a thick black leather belt with a giant cowboy belt buckle. It was spring, so the all-black was a rookie mistake for this big old gal, an Ohio native. I didn't mention it.
She also wore about a pint of generic sandalwood oil, covering each pulse point from her ankles to her ears. I could see the scent waves, it was so strong.
She was gruff, another trait I rarely seek in a lady friend, and when the waitress came to take our drink orders, she announced in her booming bass voice, "SEPARATE CHECKS, PLEASE."
(Really? :::eyeroll::: )
She had ordered some kind of boiled shrimp thing, served with the heads on. She made a dramatic presentation out of yanking the heads off, tipping the brains toward her lips and slurping them up so loud, I cringed and gagged at the same time.
By then, I was chugging down a dirty gin martini so fast, the observant waitress didn't have to ask if I wanted another.
Besides her non-stop talking about her ex-lover, "the horrible witch who done her wrong" (yes, she said done, not did) I finally jumped in and asked how recent their break up was. "Seven years," she said. "No, wait, it'll be eight years on the 27th of next month."
By then I was gin-brave and annoyed, so I sighed and said, "Jeeze, lady, maybe you ought to consider hypnosis or something."
She kept forgetting to stop talking about the ex, so I said, "When I raise this finger, it means you're back on your ex."
Finally, she looked up from slurping her remaining shrimp guts and eyeballs, looked me over and said, "Heyyyy, you look pretty dern muscular, that's great. You can help me move some heavy furniture upstairs in my new place."
I did not request a second date, nor did I visit her new place with a dolly and winch.

Years later, I was browsing through a lesbian dating site, looking to see if anyone had poked me.
Yep, there she was again, she'd poked me with her massive, sandalwood soaked finger.
I wrote and said we'd already had the pleasure, and she (probably) grunted as she typed, "Yeah, well, okay then, never mind."

I never saw Ms. Slingblade again. Yet.

Oh wow. Yes some of that behavior would be pretty off putting to me. Other parts like the clothes, not so much, but at least the only complaint you have about footwear is cowboy boots. I went on a date once with a man who showed up in clown shoes. I tried to act nonchalant, pretend I hadn't seen it. He was in a suit, a nice suit, he was dressed in predictable fashion from ankle on up. It's just he had these clown shoes on.

[girl_dee]

Oh wow. Yes some of that behavior would be pretty off putting to me. Other parts like the clothes, not so much, but at least the only complaint you have about footwear is cowboy boots. I went on a date once with a man who showed up in clown shoes. I tried to act nonchalant, pretend I hadn't seen it. He was in a suit, a nice suit, he was dressed in predictable fashion from ankle on up. It's just he had these clown shoes on.

OMG. ..... just wow!

[WheatToast]

One of my last dates was tomboy-ish and I have found a few very lovely closeted what *I* would consider "butch" in that category so I'm usually ok with a date or two but hesitant because it can go horrifically wrong very quickly.

She was an instructor up at UBC, very smart, witty, fun... but not quite grasping the femme thing though I could see it rocked her boat. Her ability to dress herself had obviously stalled in the 80s. Which is hard for me because I like well dressed people, but because I live in a crunchy west coast city these days, I am willing to over look certain things and focus on more important things.

Though the fanny pack, birkenstocks with socks, and mullet-y hair was a hard swallow for the first couple of minutes till her actually charming personality and fun sense of humour shone through.

We hung out a few times and then she got drunk-ish at her neighbour's house ("a girly straight house wife that loves to flirt with the boyish lesbians!" - that she got very overly excited about - radar hint #1 there's quasi-butch in there...) and started sending me pics of this wine party her neighbour was having. "Look at what they are showing me! hey hey!"
and of course straight girls getting their cleavage out for the lezzo to take phone pics of, because that's what drunk straight girls do.

I responded to none of them. But the next day when she was sober, sent a text saying "I appreciate that you may have had partners that were also into girls tits and would have liked the above. As I have said before, tit shots interest me about as much as elbow shots. Possibly less as elbow shots likely have sexy biceps attached to them. If you want to send me sexy pics to interest me, go take some photos a butches in tight-ass sailor costumes with them looking backwards over their shoulders. Maybe send to boob shots to your mates next time, OK? Please don't make me repeat myself again about this."

I got a text asking to take me to my graduation from college dinner. A big deal (2.5 ish years ago, I went back to full time school). Nice! OK. when it rolled around I told her 2 weeks in advance, and the response was "Oh. well... I am dating someone else a bit more seriously. But I can ask her if she minds if I take you."
"no, that's fine. Best of luck."

*eye ROOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL*

Don't text pics of people's cleavage between dates, either unless she *SPECIFICALLY* asks you to.

According the dyke manual, "tomboy" is from babyhood to age 16. From age 17-21 the term is Baby Butch. From 22-100 the term is Butch

[Gemme]

According the dyke manual, "tomboy" is from babyhood to age 16. From age 17-21 the term is Baby Butch. From 22-100 the term is Butch

Not always. There are many flavors and expressions of butch, thank goodness.

[homoe]

That was hysterical!
Here's mine.
Blind date, running late, so I waited for her in the restaurant foyer. She had said before we met, "I 'spose I'm more femme than butch, whatever that means..." (Uh oh).
So, in she comes, with a face like Al Franken only more masculine, and a bobbed, moppy Tony Home perm that had lost its spring months earlier, dyed a putty-ish beige.
She wore a black cowboy shirt tucked into black Wranglers, super pointy black cowboy boots and a thick black leather belt with a giant cowboy belt buckle. It was spring, so the all-black was a rookie mistake for this big old gal, an Ohio native. I didn't mention it.
She also wore about a pint of generic sandalwood oil, covering each pulse point from her ankles to her ears. I could see the scent waves, it was so strong.
She was gruff, another trait I rarely seek in a lady friend, and when the waitress came to take our drink orders, she announced in her booming bass voice, "SEPARATE CHECKS, PLEASE."
(Really? :::eyeroll::: )
She had ordered some kind of boiled shrimp thing, served with the heads on. She made a dramatic presentation out of yanking the heads off, tipping the brains toward her lips and slurping them up so loud, I cringed and gagged at the same time.
By then, I was chugging down a dirty gin martini so fast, the observant waitress didn't have to ask if I wanted another.
Besides her non-stop talking about her ex-lover, "the horrible witch who done her wrong" (yes, she said done, not did) I finally jumped in and asked how recent their break up was. "Seven years," she said. "No, wait, it'll be eight years on the 27th of next month."
By then I was gin-brave and annoyed, so I sighed and said, "Jeeze, lady, maybe you ought to consider hypnosis or something."
She kept forgetting to stop talking about the ex, so I said, "When I raise this finger, it means you're back on your ex."
Finally, she looked up from slurping her remaining shrimp guts and eyeballs, looked me over and said, "Heyyyy, you look pretty dern muscular, that's great. You can help me move some heavy furniture upstairs in my new place."
I did not request a second date, nor did I visit her new place with a dolly and winch.

Years later, I was browsing through a lesbian dating site, looking to see if anyone had poked me.
Yep, there she was again, she'd poked me with her massive, sandalwood soaked finger.
I wrote and said we'd already had the pleasure, and she (probably) grunted as she typed, "Yeah, well, okay then, never mind."

I never saw Ms. Slingblade again. Yet.

Gee Wheat and here I thought I had handled myself so well on this date...........:giggle:

[WheatToast]

Gee Wheat and here I thought I had handled myself so well on this date...........:giggle:

God, wouldn't that be embarrassing!

[WheatToast]

Not always. There are many flavors and expressions of butch, thank goodness.

It could be from a different dyke manual. I used the 2014 edition, bound in red leatherette. You?

[WheatToast]

"Could you please eat a little faster. I'm meeting my ex for drinks at 8 ."

Egads!
There was a woman I chased for months before she'd go out with me. The date was fun, and when she asked me to stay over at her place that night, I was thrilled. She tells to me to make myself at home while she's in the bathroom, so I shucked off all my clothes and got into her bed.
When she crawled in next to me, she said, "I hope you're not expecting any hanky panky."

S H I T.

I waited till she fell asleep, then I very quietly got dressed and got the hell out of there.
Twenty years later, I hooked her up with my recent ex who didn't like hanky panky much, either. They really hit it off...I guess.
When I hit it off with someone, there's plenty of hanky AND panky--that's why we hit it off!

[JDeere]

LOL

This one takes the cake for me.....

Just so you know, I am on probation/parole.

[Gemme]

It could be from a different dyke manual. I used the 2014 edition, bound in red leatherette. You?

lol

That must be it. I'm more of a pamphlet given with a flower in an airport kind of girl.

[WheatToast]

lol

That must be it. I'm more of a pamphlet given with a flower in an airport kind of girl.

Oh, that must be it. You got the Hari Krishna guide to butch designations. They are indeed more fluid than the official guide.

[Mel C.]

LOL

This one takes the cake for me.....

Just so you know, I am on probation/parole.

Which begs the question...what for?

[Mel C.]

According the dyke manual, "tomboy" is from babyhood to age 16. From age 17-21 the term is Baby Butch. From 22-100 the term is Butch

There's a dyke manual? I detest the word dyke so maybe that's why I'm not in the know. I was never a baby butch. I can accept that I was a tomboy, but not the baby butch.

[WheatToast]

There's a dyke manual? I detest the word dyke so maybe that's why I'm not in the know. I was never a baby butch. I can accept that I was a tomboy, but not the baby butch.

I understand.
I don't use the word dyke around straight people, but I've read several lesbian articles and spoken to many more, and they agree that we queers should take the word 'dyke' and make it our own--like Dykes on Bikes in the San Francisco Pride parade, or Alison Bechdel's iconic comic strip, "Dykes to Watch Out For (started in 1983!).
If you want a similar case of a disenfranchised group reappropriating an offensive word, look at the African American community, when they turned the N word into "n*gga" which is used in music, as a term of endearment, etc.
A black friend of mine once asked me if I was her n*gga.
I said sure, but can I ask you if you're my n*gga?
She said, "Yes, but not around anyone else. And don't use that word around black people, you'll get your ass kicked."
I hope that helps you, buddy.

[MaddieRobbie]

Let's see...

There was the "Let's meet for a drink" where the conversation at the bar in this very nice restaurant was going really well, the flirting was lively, and just after my date made a break for the bathroom the bartender leaned over the bar to tell me my charming date was here just last weekend and celebrating her 10th Anniversary...with her very pregnant wife.

(Phone rings) "I have to take this. It's my ex and she has the kids". I think to myself "OK, that seems reasonable". I soon find myself sitting there in front of my date who's saying threatening things to her ex about lawyers, custody, and restraining orders. The phone call ends abruptly. "So, what looks good...besides you?"

"I'm packing. Can you feel it under the table?" I said, yeah...that's kind of sexy...and guide my hand under the table to my date's pants and she says "No. I unzipped already and something happened. It fell out under the table. I think it's near you." (that was actually kind of funny...and my date was adorably horrified.).

[Lyte]

For the most part and for at least the first few dates... I avoid all the topics that one should avoid in the workplace: religion, politics, sex or past relationships, money, and family or health issues.

Conversely ... I don't usually date someone until I've known them for a little while (ala friendish first) so by the time we get around to dating one or more of the above topics has already come up in conversation. :p