The Maturing FtM: Topics on Aging & Wellness

[Joe Mario]

Thought this thread would be good!

How is everyone carrying on?

Please post any helpful tips, strategies, questions or concerns regarding life/financial planning, aging, health, medical care, wellness, legal issues/ laws, retirement, wills, Insurance Policies, etc. as it relates to FtM's/ Gender Queers and those who love them.

[DapperButch]

Thought this thread would be good!

How is everyone carrying on?

Please post any helpful tips, strategies, questions or concerns regarding life/financial planning, aging, health, medical care, wellness, legal issues/ laws, retirement, wills, Insurance Policies, etc. as it relates to FtM's/ Gender Queers and those who love them.


Hi, Joe. This is a great idea for a thread!

Something for people to remember is that if you legally change your name and/or sex, make sure all your documents/policies are updated with the changes.

[Linus]

Ah yes. Aging.. It's actually somewhat on the corner of my mind. I wonder what will happen when I get into my 70s and 80s and what kind of help/assisted living options will be available for me at that point (with the plan to build and own our own small house with some land, I'm hoping that I won't need assisted living until mid-80s, like my grandmother). I'm hoping that society might have moved a bit more supportive at that point (it has thus far at my current stage of life).

I've always double-check policies, usually around tax time and adjust beneficiaries and the like.

[DapperButch]

Ah yes. Aging.. It's actually somewhat on the corner of my mind. I wonder what will happen when I get into my 70s and 80s and what kind of help/assisted living options will be available for me at that point (with the plan to build and own our own small house with some land, I'm hoping that I won't need assisted living until mid-80s, like my grandmother). I'm hoping that society might have moved a bit more supportive at that point (it has thus far at my current stage of life).

I've always double-check policies, usually around tax time and adjust beneficiaries and the like.

I am sure things will be much better in terms of dicrimination and such by then.

I wonder if Nursing homes/assisted living facilities are required to give hormonally transitioned trans* people their HRT? Some patients in those homes only see the general practitioner who is employed by that facility. I suppose that if that physician is a jerk and the patient cannot advocate for themselves/has no one else to, the physician could conceiveably take the person off hormones.

God, that is horrid to think about. I can't imagine what it is like for the person who can become suicidal when they go without treatment.

I would assume that if the person has legally changed their sex, they would have to treat them by that sex when it comes to room assignment, though.

-------------

ETA:

I am quite worried about discrimination in such a facility, as well. I have had top surgery, but I am not on hormones. I will be placed in a female room. No doubt this will be quite disturbing to many who would be taking care of me. I can see how there might be more discrimination for a true "he-she", than a person who has fully transitioned.

It was actually something I thought about more than once prior to surgery. It gave me pause for many years, actually.

Too, I even wonder how it will be when/if I go into the hospital again. Assuming I have my wits about me, it should be ok. If not, I do have a partner/mother here. I doubt my local hospital would have a problem, anyway. Any disgust they may have won't be shown to my face, I don't think.

[VictorianDenise]

The single most awful thing about aging is; loss of dignity. Documents, perceptions of the gender we present notwithstanding; If we are unable to speak, act, or react to negativity we are truly at the mercy of others as we age..THAT, bothers me allot.

[Nadeest]

Discrimination, at that point, is extremely worrisome to me, as well, especially because I have no idea whether I will have had SRS by that point, or not. At the moment, I am a preop MTF, and being forcibly taken off of hormones would be utterly horrendous to me. Nor do I know if I would be forced to live with men or not. That, also, is scary to me. I don't think that I would be able to deal with it, at all.

[Corkey]

There is a LGBT older folks housing that just opened in Philly.

[*Anya*]

I will never be able to afford to live here when I get old(er) but it is beautiful.

Maybe, as time goes on, there will be more choices, in more budget ranges.

http://fountaingrovelodge.com

[Jet]

Thought this thread would be good!

How is everyone carrying on?

Please post any helpful tips, strategies, questions or concerns regarding life/financial planning, aging, health, medical care, wellness, legal issues/ laws, retirement, wills, Insurance Policies, etc. as it relates to FtM's/ Gender Queers and those who love them.


Good thread. Good luck.

[DapperButch]

Discrimination, at that point, is extremely worrisome to me, as well, especially because I have no idea whether I will have had SRS by that point, or not. At the moment, I am a preop MTF, and being forcibly taken off of hormones would be utterly horrendous to me. Nor do I know if I would be forced to live with men or not. That, also, is scary to me. I don't think that I would be able to deal with it, at all.

Hi, Nadeest. Exactly. You are the type of person I was referring to. When I was in the hospital for surgery some time ago, I was able to be in a private room. I have no idea why my insurance paid for it, but they did.

It would have been hard for me to be with a female and I was planning to pay for it out of pocket, so I did not have to room with a female/anyone. I suspect that for you, being with a male, would have been twice as hard as it would have been for me with a female, as I live my life in the gray already.

I hope (and expect), that things will continue to improve and change and that by the time you (and me/others) come to a place of needing assisted living, that discrimination will have been significantly reduced.

[julieisafemme]

Great thread. There are a number of places in California dealing with LGBT seniors.

http://gleh.org

http://openhouse-sf.org

There is also the Village movement across the country where people get together and create a supportive environment to age in.

http://www.vtvnetwork.org

None of them are exclusively LGBT. I think it is a great model though.

I worry a lot about Greyson being in a facility. Openhouse conducts trainings on LGBT cultural competentcy for hospitals and assisted living facilities. This is a great step in helping ensure we get adequate care with diginity. Our interactions with the hospital during his heart surgery were good, but not perfect. The most important thing is to be vocal! Advocate for yourself or assign an advocate for you. I was like a pit bull in the hospital so much so that Greyson had to tell me to simmer down!

I am hoping to work with seniors in my second career. I will certainly be advocating for LGBT people as a queer femme!

[Jet]

Great thread. There are a number of places in California dealing with LGBT seniors.

http://gleh.org

http://openhouse-sf.org

There is also the Village movement across the country where people get together and create a supportive environment to age in.

http://www.vtvnetwork.org

None of them are exclusively LGBT. I think it is a great model though.

I worry a lot about Greyson being in a facility. Openhouse conducts trainings on LGBT cultural competentcy for hospitals and assisted living facilities. This is a great step in helping ensure we get adequate care with diginity. Our interactions with the hospital during his heart surgery were good, but not perfect. The most important thing is to be vocal! Advocate for yourself or assign an advocate for you. I was like a pit bull in the hospital so much so that Greyson had to tell me to simmer down!

I am hoping to work with seniors in my second career. I will certainly be advocating for LGBT people as a queer femme!

Very nice post with great information. Tell Greyson I said hello. He's one of my favorite people.

[~baby~doll~]

i have been dealing with health issues for a number of years already. Six of us live here four upstairs and two downstairs. Three of us are senior citizens. we have gone over finances and legalities with an attorney and accountant.
All looks good until i have run into memory issues and care may be difficult. Long term care is way expensive.
The legal issues are the most important so all of your belongings and partners are protected from so rogue relative. Make sure all of the documentation is in order.
we are not certain which way the wind will blow but have tried to cover all of our bases
There are a number of LGBT facilities in the Chicago area and if that would be the case we could and would move for each other. Nice thread

[Joe Mario]

SO glad folks are finding this a useful thread! I am now over 50 and just want an

~> INDEX of RESOURCES<~

in order to get some wellness health testing (like a colonoscopy!) without a bunch of unnecessary awkwardness and drama. I'd also like to find an LGBT-friendly Notary Public for some document changes ( I have access to FREE Notaries, but for same reason as above.)

There are big, new Spa-like hi-tech medical facilities nearby to me, but no list to be found of LGBT-friendly docs. But still I am having to schlep away from where I live and go into the nearest city to the LGBT clinic.

The local LGBT resource indexes here in Philly/NJ have old, stale lists, bad links or no information listed in the category!?

WHAT, did every body MOVE??

[Joe Mario]

There is a LGBT older folks housing that just opened in Philly.

Saw that in the news recently, Corkey. Really great!

[Joe Mario]

Hi, Joe. This is a great idea for a thread!

Something for people to remember is that if you legally change your name and/or sex, make sure all your documents/policies are updated with the changes.

Indeed, Dapper.
I was wondering if anyone had issues with Passports stating your TG name, but with the 'F' marker in the gender box(?).
I think there are probably more FtM's than MtF's who are biologically Trans GENDER, not Trans SEXUAL, so the 'F' gender marker must remain.

Also, with Insurance Policies: If the (Coroner's Exam) Death Certificate reads 'F' and ones documents, health and life Insurance Policies read 'M', do Life Insurance Policies become void? I'm sure they would try every measure to screw a beneficiary out of their payment.

[Joe Mario]

Another thing I have been pondering:

Many T/G folks have arrived into the LGBT Community from an ID/ history with the straight community.

Since (what I call) the Turn-of the-Century TransGender Surge, does anyone have stats on if the "10%" traditionally attributed to as the number of L/G/B folks in the population, has increased?



Thanks!

[Corkey]

SO glad folks are finding this a useful thread! I am now over 50 and just want an

~> INDEX of RESOURCES<~

in order to get some wellness health testing (like a colonoscopy!) without a bunch of unnecessary awkwardness and drama. I'd also like to find an LGBT-friendly Notary Public for some document changes ( I have access to FREE Notaries, but for same reason as above.)

There are big, new Spa-like hi-tech medical facilities nearby to me, but no list to be found of LGBT-friendly docs. But still I am having to schlep away from where I live and go into the nearest city to the LGBT clinic.

The local LGBT resource indexes here in Philly/NJ have old, stale lists, bad links or no information listed in the category!?

WHAT, did every body MOVE??



I leave that question blank. After all an ass is an ass is an ass.

[nycfem]

Hey, Corkey, this post was reported as a possibly hostile response, and I'm wondering if you could please clarify it on the thread. Thanks, Jennifer, Moderator

I leave that question blank. After all an ass is an ass is an ass.

[Corkey]

Hey, Corkey, this post was reported as a possibly hostile response, and I'm wondering if you could please clarify it on the thread. Thanks, Jennifer, Moderator

As I sent a message to Joe, in Colonoscopies I leave the gender blank as a colon is a colon is a colon. Same organ in male and females. It has nothing to do with a person, people or anyone here on the site. A metaphor, the ass.

[C0LLETTE]

As I sent a message to Joe, in Colonoscopies I leave the gender blank as a colon is a colon is a colon. Same organ in male and females. It has nothing to do with a person, people or anyone here on the site. A metaphor, the ass.

Ok that was a lovely funny exchange of posts. I reread several times with raised eyebrow, saw the mod's query, and then saw the response that an ass really is a colon. I just burst out laughing that I hadn't gotten it first time through. Thanks Corkey

[Corkey]

It's quite alright, I'm an acquired taste....:|

[DapperButch]

SO glad folks are finding this a useful thread! I am now over 50 and just want an

~> INDEX of RESOURCES<~

in order to get some wellness health testing (like a colonoscopy!) without a bunch of unnecessary awkwardness and drama. I'd also like to find an LGBT-friendly Notary Public for some document changes ( I have access to FREE Notaries, but for same reason as above.)

There are big, new Spa-like hi-tech medical facilities nearby to me, but no list to be found of LGBT-friendly docs. But still I am having to schlep away from where I live and go into the nearest city to the LGBT clinic.

The local LGBT resource indexes here in Philly/NJ have old, stale lists, bad links or no information listed in the category!?

WHAT, did every body MOVE??



I'm assuming you mean the Mazonni Center when you talk about LGBT clinic?

Indeed, Dapper.
I was wondering if anyone had issues with Passports stating your TG name, but with the 'F' marker in the gender box(?).
I think there are probably more FtM's than MtF's who are biologically Trans GENDER, not Trans SEXUAL, so the 'F' gender marker must remain.

Also, with Insurance Policies: If the (Coroner's Exam) Death Certificate reads 'F' and ones documents, health and life Insurance Policies read 'M', do Life Insurance Policies become void? I'm sure they would try every measure to screw a beneficiary out of their payment.

In terms of the passport, if the license and passport matches both name (no matter what the name) and gender marker (no matter what the gender marker), I would think the person would be good to go.

Yes, unless your sex is changed legally, you should always use your birth sex on any legal documents (life insurance, car insurance, etc). Your death certificate will state whatever legal sex you are, not what is inbetween your legs.

[Joe Mario]

As I sent a message to Joe, in Colonoscopies I leave the gender blank as a colon is a colon is a colon. Same organ in male and females. It has nothing to do with a person, people or anyone here on the site. A metaphor, the ass.

Hey, Corkey, let me understand your response:


Do you know about colonoscopy procedures? Have you had one recently?

When I was in college, I worked in a hospital in the department where they did colonoscopies. Forgive the graphics folks, but fact is; the anus is about an inch away from the genitals. Unless there have been some changes in the procedure, there is no hiding the genitals from being exposed to the tech staff during a colonoscopy. Technicians might get freaky if the bits don't match the rest of the persona. Regarding colonoscopies, how might you think leaving the gender question 'blank' on paper keeps ones TG status private?


I had a technician create drama and discomfort for me regarding my gender during another wellness procedure I had in the past. Friends have had similar unpleasant experiences in medical test centers. Because of this, I kinda sorta thought my concern was obvious.

An LGBT-friendly/ trans-aware facility might alleviate some of the awkwardness one might experience, so I was looking to see if anyone might know of such place/s.

I think I have my answers, though, so thanks every one!

[DapperButch]

Joe,

Did you see my response? Have you gone to the Mazonni Center for medical care?

I wonder if they could suggest a GI person to do the colonoscopy that is used to working with trans people.

[Joe Mario]

Your death certificate will state whatever legal sex you are, not what is inbetween your legs.

Is there some way to have your sex legally changed without a surgeon's letter stating one has undergone GRS? Birth Certificate changes require this letter. Drivers Licenses changes require Birth Certificate changes first. Does it depend on the state? Is there some other Document one can acquire that doesn't depend upon others like the two aforementioned?

Do Coroners look at Documentation before filling out their physical examination findings for a Death Certificate? What if the Certificate is signed before papers are brought forth?

[Jet]

What about non-invasive endoscopies...scopes via the "pill Camera.? I worked for the manufacturer here.

[DapperButch]

Is there some way to have your sex legally changed without a surgeon's letter stating one has undergone GRS? Birth Certificate changes require this letter. Drivers Licenses changes require Birth Certificate changes first. Does it depend on the state? Is there some other Document one can acquire that doesn't depend upon others like the two aforementioned?

Do Coroners look at Documentation before filling out their physical examination findings for a Death Certificate? What if the Certificate is signed before papers are brought forth?



To my knowledge, for FTMs, you can change your sex based on top surgery. MTFs have to have bottom surgery. I don't know if this is based on state or not, but most top surgeons expect to write a letter saying you are male after they perform your surgery.

In DE and MD you can change your driver's license gender marker with just a lettter from your therapist and/or hormone prescriber. Those are the only two states I have looked into. Look up your state's motor vehicle website and it will tell you.

I don't know the answer to the coroners. I tried to google the information for you and couldn't find anything. I did see that someone could get the deceased person's death certificate adjusted if needed. Meaning, they can fill out a form to get it changed. I understand why you would be concerned about this. If a FTM is laying on the table fully masculinized with T, but with no surgeries, the coroner would take pause. I assume they would look to find out the person's legal sex at that point.

[Jet]

Is there some way to have your sex legally changed without a surgeon's letter stating one has undergone GRS? Birth Certificate changes require this letter. Drivers Licenses changes require Birth Certificate changes first. Does it depend on the state? Is there some other Document one can acquire that doesn't depend upon others like the two aforementioned?

Do Coroners look at Documentation before filling out their physical examination findings for a Death Certificate? What if the Certificate is signed before papers are brought forth?



Your gender has to be legally changed by the court—in some states—through documentation of irreversable surgeries signed off in affidavits by the surgeon as proof that your gender has been surgically changed. (about 20 pages worth that I've seen.)

[Corkey]

Hey, Corkey, let me understand your response:


Do you know about colonoscopy procedures? Have you had one recently?

When I was in college, I worked in a hospital in the department where they did colonoscopies. Forgive the graphics folks, but fact is; the anus is about an inch away from the genitals. Unless there have been some changes in the procedure, there is no hiding the genitals from being exposed to the tech staff during a colonoscopy. Technicians might get freaky if the bits don't match the rest of the persona. Regarding colonoscopies, how might you think leaving the gender question 'blank' on paper keeps ones TG status private?


I had a technician create drama and discomfort for me regarding my gender during another wellness procedure I had in the past. Friends have had similar unpleasant experiences in medical test centers. Because of this, I kinda sorta thought my concern was obvious.

An LGBT-friendly/ trans-aware facility might alleviate some of the awkwardness one might experience, so I was looking to see if anyone might know of such place/s.

I think I have my answers, though, so thanks every one!




I've had 3 since I turned 50. Yep ones genitals are bared to the doctor. On the form in most procedures I leave it blank. It's high time the medical field changes to suit their patients needs not the other way around. If colonoscopies were done robotically I'd have a problem, but they are done by human beings who are (assumed) intelligent enough to know the difference in human beings. The ass isn't as far as I know a genital, so I would propose it has nothing to do with my gender.
In my experience I advise the medical professionals of my gender prior to any procedure and how I am to be addressed. It is up to me to be proactive. Guess what, they pay attention. I have never had an issue with any medical professional being rude or indifferent to me. If I found they were to be, they wouldn't be on my medical team. I, me, the patient have the responsibility of my own being and care. As such I take care of the details.
Your milage may vary.

[Jet]

FYI: Non-invasive (capsule) colonoscopy. Don't know insurance guidelines, depending.
http://cdn.intechopen.com/pdfs/21087/InTech-Non_invasive_endoscopy_technique_virtual_colonosco py.pdf (http://cdn.intechopen.com/pdfs/21087/InTech-

Non_invasive_endoscopy_technique_virtual_colonosco py.pdf)

[Nadeest]

Each state has their own set of rules for this, I'm afraid. Worse yet, some states won't change a person's gender, on their birth certificate, after SRS, at all. :(