Instant Turn-Offs

[Girl_On_Fire]

Since my Instant Turn-Ons (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6932) thread seems to still be running along happily, I thought I would start one about instant turn-offs as well.

You see hym/her across a crowded room. You strike up a conversation. There's a spark and then...BAM...something ruins the mood so quickly you can't even believe you thought you were attracted to this person.

Is it their breath? A rude comment to the waiter?

What are your instant turn-offs?

[~ocean]

Since my Instant Turn-Ons (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6932) thread seems to still be running along happily, I thought I would start one about instant turn-offs as well.

You see hym/her across a crowded room. You strike up a conversation. There's a spark and then...BAM...something ruins the mood so quickly you can't even believe you thought you were attracted to this person.

Is it their breath? A rude comment to the waiter?

What are your instant turn-offs?

~This is a Good Thread as well, Girl.

I would have to say a huge turn off is negativity ~ I can't handle ppl w/ constant negativity , moody , unsatisfied behavior .

[candy_coated_bitch]

Dirty fingernails.

[Bèsame*]

big egos....I won't feed that!

[Diablo]

poor hygiene, rudeness, ignorance, rudeness and lacking compassion and rudeness

[Girl_On_Fire]

poor hygiene, rudeness, ignorance, rudeness and lacking compassion and rudeness

So rudeness, not a real problem for you then? ;)

[aishah]

arrogance, mainly. also sometimes i am just instinctively/physically turned off to folks for no reason whatsoever...they could be the nicest potential date in the world or whatevs and something just makes my skin crawl and i can't get over it.

[DanceFoolsDance]

Bad breath, dirty hair and nails, b.o... any stink! Hairy pits and legs on a woman. Big bush. Hearing about the exes. Foul language used in regular conversation. Cheesy lines you KNOW they've used on others. Dishonesty most of all.

[Martina]

Big bush.

People who think that the way some women are naturally made is disgusting.

[Duchess]

~Bad teeth
~Big ego
~Inconsiderate attitude

[Venus007]

Clinginess
An aversion to reading and learning
The inability to sit still and be silent
Boorishness
Soulless chameleons

[Femmadian]

http://www.fashionupevents.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/crocs.jpg

[RockOn]

harsh demeanor, harsh talking ... BOOM it's over

more later ... must shower for work

Girl_On_Fire, great idea for a topic! :)

[Femmadian]

-Sexist language
-Policing my behaviour with the idea that X, Y, Z isn't very "ladylike" (barf)
-Calling their exes psycho, crazy, a "total bitch", etc
-Someone who says they don't want "any drama" or "drama queens" (HUGE red flag - run!)

...

When typing this my phone autocorrected "bitch" to "butch" seven times in a row... Apparently my phone knows me better than I do. :lol2:

[candy_coated_bitch]

Bad grooming in general, but greasy hair is another bad one for me.

Also, chewing loudly. Cracking knuckles. Biting nails. Being inconsiderate and/or selfish, worse off if a person is downright mean.

Someone who never reads and is proud of that fact.

I find it interesting that I am able to much more specifically name what turns me off as opposed to what turns me on. o.0

[starryeyes]

Not friendly
Doesn't treat me how I deserve to be treated
Doesn't like animals

[Mel C.]

Overly negative...we all have bad days but if there are only bad days buh bye.
Overly needy...
Poor personal hygiene...
Insensitive to others...
Dislikes animals...
Overly harsh about exes...
Frequently catty or harsh gossiping...

I agree that turn offs are easier to define than turn-ons. There is a lot that doesn't work for me, but the stuff that does work is only a turn on when some people do it.

[Femmadian]

Someone who looks at their phone all the time instead of making eye contact or carrying on a normal conversation! :rant:

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/33/53/9b/33539b8d5fa878ec0ac5c96b976ad9bf.jpg

[imperfect_cupcake]

"I'm entitled to my opinion" will not only end all attraction for me, but also point out exactly where their jugular is.

[femmsational]

any type of drama

[Bèsame*]

the me me me syndrome

[cinnamongrrl]

slovenliness....

laziness....

not getting along with my family....especially my kids

dishonesty

a know it all attitude

[Femmadian]

This if you're out in public and not at a sporting event. Just... No.

http://www.slapshotsignatures.com/test/components/com_virtuemart/shop_image/product/Phil_Kessel_Toro_4f64cfa874b47.jpg

Also, this:

http://www.ablogabouthistory.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/sandals.jpg

:|

[Gemme]

Tar breath.

[DanceFoolsDance]

"People who think that the way some women are naturally made is disgusting."

I didn't say disgusting.

[Girl_On_Fire]

arrogance, mainly. also sometimes i am just instinctively/physically turned off to folks for no reason whatsoever...they could be the nicest potential date in the world or whatevs and something just makes my skin crawl and i can't get over it.

Never ignore those instincts. Sometimes, you can't put your finger on it but when you feel like you should get away, do.

My instant turn-offs:


Bad Breath
Drinking Problem
Rage Issues
Doesn't Drive
Impatience

[cinnamongrrl]

I thought of a couple more....

lack of compassion for living things

having no inclination to better themselves (education wise mostly)

and an Amen to drinking problem.....I dont care if youve had one....Id just like to be done with that....

rudeness.....

[skeeter_01]

A know it all, eating with their mouth open or smacking their lips while they eat.

Mean people, ignorant people, people who use texting "shorthand", (U no..cnt be bothered to rite out there hole thought) oh and the whole "there, their, they're" thing. People who can't be bothered to use spell check.

Maybe I'm too picky because, there are SO many more things!! :o

[*Anya*]

As kind of an OCD person, I have more than a few...

...dirty fingernails, toenails and dirty hands. Oh, please add toenails and fingernails that are too long.

...not showering before bed. Luckily my GF shares some of my traits so we both take one before bed and in the AM.

Sheets not changed weekly. Every Saturday is my day. Here is where the GF will say: "we've only been in them 3 days this week since we have been gone, we have not even been in them". Nope, I am compelled to change them anyway. She just shrugs and says ok.

I absolutely love that she is so tolerant of some of my cleaning "issues".

When we got together, I pushed for a housekeeper twice a month. She said: "but it is already clean". Uh, not enough honey.

I will stop now but I do have more...

Yes, I know.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I'm thinking bout the situation given... I liked them enough to go and hang out with them and something about them instantly turns me off. hmn. I'm going to say one that has actually happened a few times. They don't talk. It's a bit like pulling teeth to find out stuff about them. they don't want to talk about their exes, that's a big one. That puts me right off. I personally need to know what they thought about their old relationships. stories. thoughts. feelings. lessons. joys. bad dates. good dates. etc.

I even say in my dating advert that I don't want there to be subjects that are no go areas. and I have dated a few people, since coming home, who just don't really talk about themselves. And some will, but I have to ask direct questions about their past or they offer nothing to the conversation. It sucks. One person I really quite liked. but yeah. that did it for me. the lack of self in conversation.

I know there are oodles of people where they'd prefer to hike together, or play basketball together, or play video games together - than to share stories. that's cool. but it's not me. And I have dated people who are happy to go days without speaking to anyone. That would be me and them not working.

[CA_BabyCakes]

There isn't much physically except maybe poor hygiene or bad teeth....... Personality wise i have a list......low self esteem, over confidence, people with no passion, laziness, and most importantly, someone who cannot laugh at themselves.

[Martina]

I like Northern California. I think people are genuinely nicer out here. Happier, more low key.

BUT people in the Bay Area, especially, often have polished up some way of presenting themselves that they think makes them look attractive to others. It's a presentation that is practiced and just feels canned to me. I find it boring. And the kiss of death with me is if you bore me.

I have encountered some of the people more than once at events and heard the same exact shtick. I guess they forgot what they said to me before. Isn't it boring for THEM, too, to be saying the same things and telling the same stories? Some of these are intelligent people. Why they think being real is less appealing I don't know.

What's funny about it is that there is no way to puncture the balloon. You can either worship at their alter -- which they love. Or you can compete by presenting your own shtick -- which they are prepared for and also seem to relish. But if you try to derail the performance, for example with some East Coast self-deprecating humor, they don't get it. They feel sorry for you, as if you meant what you said.

The problem for me really is the canned conversation, the almost rehearsed forms of interaction that are supposed to send a message of coolness.

I have met some very real people in Northern California. And I can tell that beneath the presentations of the people who do perform these shticks, there are -- usually -- real people. But I am not going to work that hard to get to them. They are succeeding with these performances, so who am I to criticize, I guess. But they don't work with me. It's dull. What is sad (again, to me) is that some of these folks probably aren't dull at all. They just think they have to do these things to get attention. Maybe they do. I am probably the one who is out of step.

On a completely different note, HB was talking about people not sharing about their exes. We've already had that conversation on another thread. But I definitely have a problem with over-sharers.

I had an acquaintance who dumped EVERYTHING on her first dates and then wondered why she wasn't getting second dates. I want people to be real, but it worries me when it seems like they have been waiting an age to tell someone their hopes and dreams. Do be real, I guess, but don't tell me everything. I am not your shrink.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I am the queen of over sharing :D

to me, it's just right. cause telling stories and getting stories, is my big love in life.

but like I said, some people, it's not their thing. lots and lots of conversation is not how they reach their bonna. they'd rather do a jigsaw with someone in silence or walk with each other lost in their own thoughts, or play basket ball with their partner.

for me, my favourite game is Truth or Dare. Sincerely. and sitting on a blanket outside, playing it, or making a little crafty something together and playing it, is bliss to me.

I totally get that others don't like talking as much as I like to hear it, or sharing everything. My exwife and I shared everything from our pasts and I loved it. late night story telling, by the river story telling, etc. but it's fine that some people don't want that.

I do. and I feel lonely when I'm with someone who won't talk to me. I'm an extrovert. It's like food to me. It feeds me. I'd personally just rather be on my own if I'm not going to verbally interact with the person I'm with. I give people a lot of space and a lot of time on their own, I know people need it.

that's why when I was with someone who was really quiet and after five dates I knew almost nothing about her, we were talking about solitude and quietude and she said "...oh not me, I'm very happy to not talk for days at a time." I thought oh. thats sounds like me being very lonely *with* someone and winding up looking to connect emotionally (for me, that's verbally) with someone else...

So it ended right there.

I don't want people to be my shrink. I don't want people to solve my problems and I have heaps of other people I talk A LOT with. I think as I speak. It's how I sort things in my head. That's the difference between extroversion and introversion. Introverts think in their head and need time alone to recharge. Extroverts need to think as they speak and recharge by connecting to others. If I go out and just have a simple quick conversation with a stranger, I feel better and more energized.

I see a lot of misunderstandings on that level. :)

My exwife and I did tell each other everything. And by everything, I mean everything. We weren't each other's shrink though. A shrink I tell someone stuff in order to get feedback to sort out my problems. My exwife just shared all of our innermost thoughts and stories, cause that was just us.

some people just don't mix as a life long partnership. that's absolutely fine.

When I am casually dating someone for sex adventures, I don't really care about some things I would care about if I were looking at them for long term.

[Bèsame*]

Baby talk!

[CherylNYC]

Bigotry, especially racism.
Petty jealousy.
Stupidity.
Condescension.
Active addictions to drugs or alcohol.
Men, males, or people who actively emulate the most offensive straight male cultural norms.
People who don't like motorcycles.

[candy_coated_bitch]

Unibrows.......

[nycfem]

You scared me for a minute-- I thought you wrote unicorns were a turn off to you, and if that were the case, I'd really have to reevaluate our friendship.

Unibrows.......

[ProfPacker]

but where does that leave Frieda Kolho (sp). she was the major woman with the unibrow

[nycfem]

Celebrity exception perhaps

but where does that leave Frieda Kolho (sp). she was the major woman with the unibrow

[candy_coated_bitch]

but where does that leave Frieda Kolho (sp). she was the major woman with the unibrow

There is always that one special person that can pull something off in a way no one else can. Frida and Groucho Marx LOL.

[ProfPacker]

not looking me in the eye when talking to me is a big turn off
not having my sense of humor which is pretty dark and twisted
not interested in the world around them
not wanting to take on the status quo

but mostly, in my previous long term relationship and growing up I lived in a world of smoke and mirrors. I need to have someone be direct with me.

someone who doesn't say as I am talking, I'm not done, let me finish
belittling me
being emotionally abusive
If I even have a hint of that...I am out of here

I like to have fun. If someone can't be silly it is a turn off.

at this time in my life we must be sexually compatible. no more lesbian bed death, haha.

if they don't like that I have kids, it is a negatory (is that a word, no but I like it)

[candy_coated_bitch]

You scared me for a minute-- I thought you wrote unicorns were a turn off to you, and if that were the case, I'd really have to reevaluate our friendship.

NEVER that. On the contrary--I find unicorns very erotic.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

When she showed up wearing a GPS ankle monitor.

https://mymainstreetnews.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/img_03071.jpg

[candy_coated_bitch]

I am more turned off by those toenails, frankly. If you have an ankle monitor--at least show it off in style.

[ProfPacker]

I agree about the toe nails...but that means she is under surveillance. Well that gives you a lot of options regarding leaving the house...does she have to call her
PO first?

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

I am more turned off by those toenails, frankly. If you have an ankle monitor--at least show it off in style.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eZZqfmk49Jc/Ug2S4ekgbWI/AAAAAAAApVs/0JizfiJk8U8/s1600/laughing_cat.gif

[ProfPacker]

chains and shackles is a look too, good for the bedroom later on, lol

[Girl_On_Fire]

I am more turned off by those toenails, frankly. If you have an ankle monitor--at least show it off in style.

I was going to say the same thing! It would have taken me a minute to notice the GPS tracking device for those toenails. Dayum!

[deathbypoem]

Lack of intelligence and wit.

[gotoseagrl]

~ intellectual snobbery (or any kind of snobberies)
~ over-inflated egos
~ materialistic fluff
~ designer labels for sake of showing off
~ keeping up with the jonses
~ abnormal paranoia
~ ambiguity, in general
~ facades
~ more words than action
~ flakiness/inconsistency
~ over judgmentalness

[Duchess]

Weakness
Dishonesty
Lack of ambition

[aishah]

threads like this are fascinating and make me grateful there's a lid for every pot.

[Daktari]

Acting like a teen who's just discovered sex

Not liking Rocky Horror Picture Show

Numerous 'turn-offs'

[Degotoga]

Lack of integrity
Self-absorption
Know-it-Alls
People speaking for me, or thinking they know me better than I know myself
Lousy drivers

[Ginger]

Cleavage.

..

[kittygrrl]

don't tell me how amazing you are, let me find out for myself

[candy_coated_bitch]

Someone who WON'T. SHUT. UP.

[Daktari]

Self-absorption in conversation

[Shystonefem]

Being Mean
Drama
Dirty hygiene
not supportive
old before your time
complaining all of the time
putting more value on "stuff" than on those you love
Someone who argues all of the time

[canadianmusician]

Showing up drunk or high is definitely a turn off. This happened once.

Low self confidence.

Jumbled/compartmentalized communication styles. I like to hear it clear as a bell!

[Smiling]

And for me, these apply to anyone; friends, colleagues, acquaintances, dates, whomever....


The sound of forced laughter is an all-out auditory assault; if you don't find something funny, you really don't have to laugh. In fact, I beg you to please just stop unless it's genuine.

Obviously fake smiles; if you're gonna fake it, you had better make that performance count! Put some effort into it, for crying out loud, lol.

Limp handshakes; just ugh all the way around. I will always prefer an overly-enthusiastic hand pumper (lol, is that the correct term? - I don't know how else to describe it) to shaking hands with a overused dishrag. How do these people get jobs, anyway?

Halfhearted hugs. Either mean it; or just get offa me already, lol.

I can cope with pretty much anything else.

[Girl_On_Fire]

Showing up drunk or high is definitely a turn off. This happened once.

Low self confidence.

Jumbled/compartmentalized communication styles. I like to hear it clear as a bell!

Even calling me drunk or high is unacceptable to me. Bleh.

[Medusa]

Hygiene is a huge one - Dirty fingernails, teeth, hair, feet, or clothing is a huge turn off.

Name-dropping

Hypochondria

No sense of humor or having a stick up your ass

Mean-spirited bullshit or rudeness

Not being able to hold a conversation about current events or politics on even a small level

Interrupting

Not listening

Racism/Sexism

Owning an emu (LOL! I'm phobic!!)

[Gemme]

I think that someone who doesn't understand (at least not without a REALLY good reason.....like being raised by wolves in the forest or something) the fine lines that traverse and connect our social relationships.

For example, the lines between confident, cocky and arrogant. For me, I'm definitely okay with the first option and possibly the second option if there's humor in the equation but the last option is an instant switch flipper (and not in the ON direction).

The line between dominant and controlling is another example.

I like it when people....not just potential mates, but all people....toe the line of impropriety in one form or another but have enough sense to not fall off the deep end.

For the record, I have no ill will towards emus or those who love and/or own and/or farm them.

[Diablo]

People who are so self centered they seem to forget they are actually talking to another person. I like to be talked with, not talked AT.

[Violette]

A know it all, eating with their mouth open or smacking their lips while they eat.

I am with you on the eating with their mouth open and smacking their lips. That's a hard one for me to relax around.

Mean people, ignorant people, people who use texting "shorthand", (U no..cnt be bothered to rite out there hole thought) oh and the whole "there, their, they're" thing. People who can't be bothered to use spell check.

I used to be right there with you on the "there, their, and they're thing." That used to bug the hell out of me until a funny thing happened. I started to write on the internet. Then I would re read things that I had written, and wouldn't you know it. I do the same damn thing. In fact, I did it today in a post. I couldn't edit it anymore. I am well educated. I fully know the difference and how to use each word correctly, but alas, I make mistakes. I am not that careful when I am not writing for work. The internet is play time. I got over it.



As for my Instant Turn-Offs: treating strangers poorly (yes, I watch how a person treats the food servers), bad odor, long toe nails. Oh yeah, intolerance of differences (as in different cultures etc).

[Martina]

People who are way performative. I know it is just one way of being in the world, and it's kind of celebrated in our sub-culture. But it doesn't work for me. Wears me out.

[Kobi]

Biggest turn off for me is having never-ending lists of turn offs because:

1. It denies the reality of being imperfect human beings.

2. It takes away from the quirkiness and individuality of people expressing their diversity in their own way.

3. It indicates people should fit a check off list of what pleases each of us, rather than just accepting who they are.

4. It adds negativity to the world which seems to need a good healthy dose of positivity.

[Martina]

Well, I think you ought to know what you want and what you can and can't put up with. What's the value of all this experience if it isn't to learn from and prevent yourself from wasting time and hurting yours and others' feelings?

[Kobi]

Well, I think you ought to know what you want and what you can and can't put up with. What's the value of all this experience if it isn't to learn from and prevent yourself from wasting time and hurting yours and others' feelings?


Indeed, it behooves one to know oneself well.

Sometimes, it also behooves one to take a step back and ponder. Sometimes, some things we dislike is likeable with the right person. Sometimes, what we like can be horrific with the wrong person.

Sometimes we might need to think about whether we are seeking a real, live, imperfect human being, or if we are seeking an inanimate cardboard cut out of <insertpreferencehere> embedded in our fantasies.

And, I appreciate you raising this existential concept without rearranging my parts. I can see I am still growing on you and have graduated from "like mold on wet sheet rock", to "a mere allergen tickling your nose".

:cheesy:

[Martina]

And, I appreciate you raising this existential concept without rearranging my parts. I can see I am still growing on you and have graduated from "like mold on wet sheet rock", to "a mere allergen tickling your nose".


- - - - *Achoo* - - -

[candy_coated_bitch]

And, I appreciate you raising this existential concept without rearranging my parts. I can see I am still growing on you and have graduated from "like mold on wet sheet rock", to "a mere allergen tickling your nose".

:cheesy:

I find both mold on wet sheet rocks AND allergens tickling my nose instant turn offs. :cherry:

[Kobi]

I find both mold on wet sheet rocks AND allergens tickling my nose instant turn offs. :cherry:


So much for the candy coating. :)


And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

[Girl_On_Fire]

Biggest turn off for me is having never-ending lists of turn offs because:

1. It denies the reality of being imperfect human beings.

2. It takes away from the quirkiness and individuality of people expressing their diversity in their own way.

3. It indicates people should fit a check off list of what pleases each of us, rather than just accepting who they are.

4. It adds negativity to the world which seems to need a good healthy dose of positivity.




This thread was not started with the intent to put anyone down or ask others to come up with a 20-page laundry list of faults other people have that they can't abide.

However, there is something to be said for knowing what you can and can't put up with. Some habits, attitudes, etc. are simply deal-breakers, even if the person can't help it.

Even I have been a bit taken aback by some of what I've read on here because the poster is not only describing traits I have, but traits I can't help or "fix" (and some of them, I wouldn't necessarily want to). Still, it's better to know these things up front before investing any time in a relationship that is destined for failure.


I think it's a good idea to be clear both about what does it for you and what doesn't so you can select a mate that best matches you, rather than suffering in silence with someone who really does have 20-plus unacceptable qualities or habits that you can't stand because you've decided to settle.

[Charmingbutch21]

Smoking (Cigarettes, not as in being smoking hot or the very attractive type of smoking)

[MysticOceansFL]

Just one word , Dishonesty

[Teddybear]

Ppl who think they can bully the other person into whatever they want
Ppl who cant take thank you but NO thanks
Ppl who r so into themselves
Ppl who say one thing but are another

Omg i could keep on

[starryeyes]

Lacking self confidence
Not able to carry an intelligent conversation
Passive
Pessimistic
Boring
Jealous
Not willing to take risks
Can't laugh
Hung up on the past
Not self-sufficient
No goals, ambitions or dreams
Not a sushi fan
Doesn't treat my dogs well
Doesn't treat me like a lady

[Duchess]

~Pessimism
~Sloppy appearance
~No imagination

[bobbi46]

most things everyone has covered ...

just like to add pity party ppl.
poor me ..stuff.

(suck it up.. move on we all have stories)

Be well :)

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Judgmental people
People that have that better than tho attitude
As for possibly partners always answering I don't know when asked what they want to do or where they want to go. I mean some times it's understandable nut are you really that boring that you never know?
People that are always PC
Finally people that assume others ate ignorant because the person does not spell every word correctly after all this is not a class room.

[Bèsame*]

Wishy Washy

Are you in or are you out?
Make up your mind!

[AnAwkwardAccident]

People that are self-centered and believe the world revolves around them. People that make other's struggles their 'own'. People that lie. People that think money makes the world go round.

[homoe]

Anyone who feels the need to be loud and obnoxious out in public! Being loud and drawing attention is the main thing that'll send me running for the hill!

[Tuff Stuff]

What do you mean?(not just a bieber song)..people who do not know how to make up their mind.First you wanna go,then you wanna stay..then you want to go left,then you want to go right(damn,it is that JB song)..I hate that! drives me crazy!!..how about this one,how about I leave your indecisive a** by the roadside.

That'll work for me. :D

[homoe]

A loud drunk obnoxious woman!

[imperfect_cupcake]

Inflexible traditionalism. Doing things by the rules for the sake of the rules. Massive turn off.

Basically, people who lack critical thinking skills and depend on rules of thumb instead. There are exceptions to everything. What are they? Why?

Rigidity.

I do like decisiveness, but people who make up their mind very quickly, without clear reasoning scare me. People who make decisions quickly, often change them very quickly without clear reasoning too. Without notice.

Capriciousness. Believing absolutely in one thing one day, and emphatically going on about it, then when their emotions change, changing direction and dismissing their past opinion as just something they were going on about. I can't trust their enthusiasm or their will.

It takes a long time for me to make a decision about bigger issues. But I won't go back and forth on something. I'll be very clear I haven't made my mind up, and it will be some time before I do. I want a lot more information before I: buy a flat, purchase a car, go on a six week holiday, get a pet, or get involved in a relationship with someone.

So when I watch people rushing headlong into something, I watch just how long they stick with that decision before they say "meh, that wasn't for me." And walk away from it. Big fat clue that if they do that with other things, they will do that with me. I'd rather someone took their time and didn't make promises before they knew for certain what they wanted long term, not what they want now now now.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Are you running into shouty drunk people a lot, homoe?

[homoe]

Are you running into shouty drunk people a lot, homoe?

Yes, unfortunately the last few times I've gone out to a bar/pub for food!

[giggleluver]

Yes, unfortunately the last few times I've gone out to a bar/pub for food!

Speaking of pub, a turn off for me is the smell of beer on the breath, yuck

[Nattih]

elusiveness - I value someone who is direct about their intentions at all times

being occupied - If they cant give me their undivided attention, I immediately want to walk away

[giggleluver]

Hygiene, especially not washing your hands after you go to the bathroom, :|ewww

[MysticOceansFL]

Yes , hygiene & smokers are a huge turn off for me.
Among a few others.

[Vincent]

lack of manners,my Dad always said manners are free use them,and this includes how you speak and relate to others around you,if you think a homeless person is less than you,we just won't get on.
being secretive,someone who getting information out of is like pulling teeth,I don't want to know your bank details but I think communicating is very important,and I mean a dialogue.
This sounds judgemental,but believing Fox news is actually news,I just know I will drive you nuts.

[kittygrrl]

A person insists they never lie, but then you catch them in several
A person who insists they are always right

[storyspinner70]

An instant turn off/on for me is someone's voice

You can look like Selma Hayek (my lifelong lust) or Monica Bellucci, Big Boo or even like Jensen Ackles (my man lust) but you sound like a squeaky toy or Nanny Fine, I just can't. Can't. Conversely, you're not the least bit "conventionally attractive" but you have a voice like roughened velvet or smooth like glass? I'm so there. That's like major for me.

The other big one is if we just don't click intellectually or in our humor. Those are deal breakers. I value cleverness above almost everything else.

[*Anya*]

Dirty fingernails.

Yes!! This!!

Dirty nails gross me out. I even notice if someone on a TV show has dirty nails.

[job]

No matter how good someone looks, if they belittle someone else FOR NO REASON, it's a done deal. Not only will you be unattractive, I will also instantly dislike you as a person...and trip you when you walk by....just kidding. 😃

[homoe]

A person insists they never lie, but then you catch them in several
A person who insists they are always right

YES, nothing more of a turn off than a "know it all"!

[C0LLETTE]

YES, nothing more of a turn off than a "know it all"!

I'm not big on "know nothings" (deliberating if I should add an "lol" here)

[Chad]

I would not pursue any type of reationship with someone that is rude, cruel, arrogant, pompous, and or disrespectful.

Although....... I do agree with my buddy Homoe, loud and obnoxious is really up there on my list.

[JDeere]

A smoker. Anyone who smokes cigarettes or e cigs or vape.

Really bad hygiene. That poonanny better be clean and smell good.

Someone who is insistent on trying to change any aspect of me before I can try to change myself.

[giggleluver]

Nasty teeth, not brushing and flossing, Halitosis

[homoe]

Someone who can NEVER NEVER EVER admit if they're wrong!

[homoe]

A "know it all" personalty type!

[homoe]

Someone who is rude and condescending to waitstaff or anyone in the service industry!

[Chad]

Inexperienced lovers.

[homoe]

Inexperienced lovers.

BUT BUT BUT Chad, that way you get all the "fun" of teaching them :cheer:

[Chad]

BUT BUT BUT Chad, that way you get all the "fun" of teaching them :cheer:

I did find it fun in my 20's but not anymore. It irritates me.

[homoe]

I'm not big on "know nothings" (deliberating if I should add an "lol" here)

True I get what you mean, nobody wants to date an air head or dummy..LOL

[Chad]

True I get what you mean, nobody wants to date an air head or dummy..LOL

Oops pardon me.

[Soft*Silver]

people who set standards higher for others than they set for themselves. People who judge others but cant and dont live up to their own judgemental ideals.

overindulgers of any kind, from drink to eats to shopping to gambling

naysayers. People who are NEVER happy, and are always seeing them in a pessimistic light/darkness

poor hygiene. GOD I hate that!

people who make fun of others, and especially when they justify it

I dont care how much education people have..but its a huge turn off when they make fun of me for having college degrees. I am NOT an egg head without common sense just because I spent years in college. Dont tear me down if you are insecure, in other words.

religious yankers. I am so offended with people who shove religion down my throat.

I also agree I dont like inexperienced lovers. Taught enough. Now I bask in my husband's experience.

Insensitive people. Thick headed daft emotionally immature folks. Man, getting hit by them is like a 2 x 4 hitting you in your core.

[Gemme]

True I get what you mean, nobody wants to date an air head or dummy..LOL

Sexual inexperience does not equate stupidity.

[easygoingfemme]

Sexual inexperience does not equate stupidity.

I *think* Homoe's comment was in response to a different turnoff...

Turnoffs:

Rude folks.
Lack of independence.
Lack of confidence.
Passive aggressive personalities.

[*Anya*]

A conversation monopolizer- talks non-stop and does not know the give and take of actual conversation.

A gossiper. Someone that talks trash about other people.

Prudes. Though I may look like one (dress modestly, do not like my cleavage to show in everyday life, do not swear in general -yes, I know I have been saying the F word more here since Trump has been pushing my buttons but not really in the world...) I am not a prude.

A Trump supporter. That is one potential relationship that would be doomed from jump street.

Forgot one of the biggest: heavy drinkers and druggers. About green meds, no judgment. I don't use green meds and know that they help a lot of people but I am unsure about that. I know I am allergic to the smoke. This would have to be some kind of compromise.

[NavyButch]

Being close minded

Rudeness

Passive aggressive

Cheaters

Emotional drainers

When someone monopolizes the conversation and does not let you speak

When someone interrupts you while you are talking

When someone goes on and on about their ex's (which makes you surmise they have not worked through their past)

Bad hygiene

Constant negativity (where every conversation is all negative to the point that you have to ask is there anything good that goes on in your world?)

Drama, drama, drama

[~ocean]

ppl who are showy ~ attention seekers that have all the characteristics of all the above descriptions ! I tend to be quiet at first while I am adjusting to the enviorment .

[cathexis]

the first BIG one has to be liars. Geez, I hate liars!

People who cheat on anything.

Hypocrisy.

People who constantly judge people.

Bright folks who've chosen not to seek higher education.

Sorry, I know this is not PC, but people with lower IQs.

Rude people.

People who violate my privacy...logging on my computer, searching my apt., etc.

Anyone Right Wing whether in office or not.

Those are the ones I can think of right now...sure there are more.

[Breathless]

Assumptions..
When other people try to comment as to my or other people's 'label' and where I or they 'fit' based on their assumptions or label descriptors. -- kind of makes me wanna say "You dont know me!!!"
Huge turn off.. unbrushed teeth, and B.O.. worse is poured on cologne like it elimates the yuck BO smell..

[homoe]

I *think* Homoe's comment was in response to a different turnoff...

Turnoffs:

Rude folks.
Lack of independence.
Lack of confidence.
Passive aggressive personalities.

Correct and thank you easygoingfemme! It was in response to a totally different post indeed :hangloose:

[MsTinkerbelly]

Yes your ex was part of who you are, but talking about them in nearly every conversation? Not cool

[girl_dee]

Aggressive driver... not a fan

[Witch]

Bad teeth for sure but cocky Spoiled rotten Butches who think nothing but thereself like get over yourself grow the F up:canoworms:

[Soft*Silver]

its a sad situation when you are out on a date and the person you are dating wont get off the damn phone.....

[girl_dee]

its a sad situation when you are out on a date and the person you are dating wont get off the damn phone.....

BIG pet peeve of mine..

i love to check in when i go somewhere, but why i like to dine out is because that is the one place where you can have one on one convo... and i want that one on one!

[nina03]

Selfishness in bed or in general, poor hygiene, rudeness to anyone at all, endless name dropping, no awareness of social justice issues and why they matter, entitlement, humor that relies on mocking people to be funny, and probably several others, but those are the things I notice right off the bat.

[JDeere]

Wishy washy people

Narcissistic people

[Chad]

Wishy washy people

Narcissistic people


Agreed buddy.

[CherryWine]

Braggarts.

[JDeere]

People who talk about politics 24/7. That will make me run off really fast.

[cathexis]

Ignorance with refusal to become educated on a major issue.


Do people really go on dinner dates refusing to get off the phone? Amazingly rude.

[PlatinumPearl]

Bad table manners. One of the quickest and fastest way to turn me off.

[easygoingfemme]

Narcissists. Sometimes you can peg them instantly. Sometimes they take a while.

[homoe]

Anyone mean spirited at another's expense!

[Bèsame*]

Those who are quick to judge.

[Mel C.]

Arrogance...not nearly the same as confidence.

[*Anya*]

One-sided "conversations". Someone that never stops talking and never listens.

[JDeere]

Body odor, in this day and age please use deodorant!

[homoe]

Anyone constantly bragging about all their "material" possessions!

[Gayandgray]

Anyone constantly bragging about all their "material" possessions!

I have a friend that does this and it's so annoying! I asked her just last week when she died was she gonna be able to fit all her crap in her coffin? Because you can't take all your stuff with you when you die!

[Kätzchen]

Dirty cars.... or ..... tardiness.


Please, PLEASE, for the love of Johnson & Johnson Wax and chamois cloths, clean your car, get it detailed, make sure the floor boards and under the seats are vacuumed, and for the LOVE of Windex, please make sure the windows are spotless, mirrors too. Also, make sure the interior seats are well groomed. Make sure the car smells divine (synonym for clean).



Be Clean. Bee On Time.


Bonus points for making sure all tires are properly aired and balanced... :blush: :eyebat:

[cinnamongrrl]

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[PlatinumPearl]

Profanity. You can be absolutely amazing but if you use foul language consistently to express yourself it's an instant turn-off for me.

However, with that being said there are time where it can be appropriate though...

[~ocean]

When someone with a negative assumption and comments on something you say, that's not needed. That type of rudeness is a huge turn off . I'm very attracted to a classy person as a friend or date .

[RockOn]

emotionally cold personality

[cutegrrl]

Stupidity and ignorance.

[*Anya*]

I just saw a guy do this on TV and it reminded me of this: a winker.

Someone that winks at me in the middle of a conversation. People that are winkers tend to do it no matter how serious the conversation. I don't even like it if someone is flirting and does this.

I think it is kind of creepy.

*wink, wink*

Ooh.

[Ascot]

Weird presumptions. You're butch, so you must blah, blah. You're well educated so you must think this way. You're white so of course you feel the same way I do, etc.

Major timidity about trying new things. Trepidation is okay if we don't let it cripple us.

The classic chestnut, bad hygiene.

[RockOn]

winkie blinkie at *Anya*
Heh Heh!
Only joking around ... but you knew because you are smart like that.
:)

[Lyte]

*mental note ... nix the wink if ever you meet Anya* :p

A wink is a very delicate expression ... gesture ... whatever. I can go very easily wrong ... or pretty darn right! It should be used with the utmost of caution and with much forethought!

Yes, I've been known to wink on occasion ... on occasion. :blink: <-- not winking! :)


I just saw a guy do this on TV and it reminded me of this: a winker.

Someone that winks at me in the middle of a conversation. People that are winkers tend to do it no matter how serious the conversation. I don't even like it if someone is flirting and does this.

I think it is kind of creepy.

*wink, wink*

Ooh.

[Lyte]

Lacking even the minimum ... a modicum of social grace ... aka manners! I don't expect her to know what fork goes with what course but I do need her to be attuned to when "please" and "thank you" are appropriate.

[Ascot]

Treating anyone in a service capacity with anything less than respect. That's a major no-no with me!

[EnchantedNightDweller]

Here's my top 3:
You're a racist.
You don't like kids.
You don't like animals.

[*Anya*]

winkie blinkie at *Anya*
Heh Heh!
Only joking around ... but you knew because you are smart like that.
:)

Oh my gosh! We have a winking smilie!

:winky:

:lol2:

[*Anya*]

*mental note ... nix the wink if ever you meet Anya* :p

A wink is a very delicate expression ... gesture ... whatever. I can go very easily wrong ... or pretty darn right! It should be used with the utmost of caution and with much forethought!

Yes, I've been known to wink on occasion ... on occasion. :blink: <-- not winking! :)

Ha!

:cheesy:

[Gemme]

Winks can turn into twitches and ticks surprisingly fast.

:|

[Sweet Bliss]

being rude then pretending they were "just kidding"

being dismissive to ANYONE (including pets)

failure to communicate, covers HUGE area.

[Lyte]

See! A good wink requires a serious workout regimen! Winking is not for amateurs! :p


Winks can turn into twitches and ticks surprisingly fast.

:|

[Medusa]

Instant turn-off = Fakery and disingenuousness. Like, that thing where you meet people who are bullshit artists. They aren’t even themselves, just bits and pieces they’ve gleaned as “special” from other people’s experiences or personalities.

No no no!

[cathexis]

Lying is something I despise (the main offense).
Excessive swearing (especially when unnecessary)
Impolite behavior to anyone. I don't care if it's the janitor, they deserve acknowledgement.
An individual is not equal only to the job they hold. Even professors can be schmucks.

[clay]

Someone who "plays" others

Racism


Disrespecting others who may be differently abled (superficial/shallow mindedness)

[RockOn]

someone at work ...

their every existance at work is very calculated ... they MUST do everything possible to underhandedly (smoke and mirrors effect) encourage others to always view them in a favorable light

undetectable unless you work very close to this person and pay very close attention ... then you can see this hand-crafted personality ... person will have perfect timing in displaying modesty, can also throw out believable lies on the fly with no hesitation

very well practiced in the art of deception ... (Rolling Stones song quote)

also, brings "social engineering" to my mind since I am a software developer ...

Social engineering can be defined as using deception and manipulation to obtain confidential information. I have found that is an interesting topic to read about. (google: books by Kevin Mitnick .... techniques are disclosed)

[VintageFemme]

The list seems to grow as I age. Not sure how I feel about that. Goddess, I hope I'm not becoming a crotchety old intolerant spinster! :blink:



Arrogance
Pretentiousness
Apathy
Self Centered
Religion
Emotional Immaturity
Disrespect
Lack of Manners

[Martina]

People who try to gross you out or are crude and disgusting without caring that they might be offensive.

[candy_coated_bitch]

Loud chewers.

[cathexis]

A person who arrives EARLY for a date or appointment is so rude especially
when they expect me to ready with shoes, socks, coat and any other outer-
wear on.
Even if they're on time, must be willing to stay and visit my family or any
friends who may be present. If I chose to have someone in my apartment
when going out, you better bet it's to form an opinion to talk about when I get
home or the next day.
The obvious, rudeness to anyone.
Any physical violence other that defense to an/impending attack
Poor table manners. You don't need to be raised wealthy to have proper basics. I'll show you about using your fork for ice cream, and how to pick a lobster.
Act/look like you care about yourself.

[kittygrrl]

the word..maybe
do say yes, or no

[*Anya*]

Loud chewers.

Oh gosh, yes.

Also: people that chew with their mouth open.

I die a little death inside.

[Lyte]

The one and only time such behavior was acceptable... dare I say... almost cute! :p

CHYbbHaOBIs

Oh gosh, yes.

Also: people that chew with their mouth open.

I die a little death inside.

[JDeere]

Smokers sorry no can do.

[Lyte]

Me neither. I don't even have friends who smoke. I've tried!

Smokers sorry no can do.

[JDeere]

Me neither. I don't even have friends who smoke. I've tried!

I quit back in 2014 and my ex quit not long after we got together. It aggravates my allergies really bad now and oh man the smell, I just can't.

[Lyte]

Good for you! It's incredibly hard to quit! :koolaid:

My bro finally quit too recently... like after 30 plus years.


I quit back in 2014 and my ex quit not long after we got together. It aggravates my allergies really bad now and oh man the smell, I just can't.

[JDeere]

Good for you! It's incredibly hard to quit! :koolaid:

My bro finally quit too recently... like after 30 plus years.

Thanks and congrats to your bro on quitting as well, his health might improve too since he stopped smoking.

[cathexis]

I quit back in 2014 and my ex quit not long after we got together. It aggravates my allergies really bad now and oh man the smell, I just can't.

Just 6 months ago, I quit smoking cold turkey a few days after a phone
call to my plastic surgeon. The nurse told me that my surgeon would not
operate if I was using tobacco of any sort.
That scared me into quitting cold turkey from 1-1.5 packs per day.

No meds, gum, lozenges, vapes Just incredible will! You can do it too.

Wanted Top Surgery more than lung disease.

[JDeere]

Just 6 months ago, I quit smoking cold turkey a few days after a phone
call to my plastic surgeon. The nurse told me that my surgeon would not
operate if I was using tobacco of any sort.
That scared me into quitting cold turkey from 1-1.5 packs per day.

No meds, gum, lozenges, vapes Just incredible will! You can do it too.

Wanted Top Surgery more than lung disease.

Yup... I watched my godfather and one set of grandparents die from smoking related cancers. My doc won't even consider surgery unless i quit. I smoked even after my near death deal in 2010 but last straw was seeing what it does.

[Martina]

I have met some very nice over-sharers who turned out to be wonderful people whom I liked very much.

BUT, I still have to say, over-sharing. If I don't know you well, or even if I do, there are things I do not need to know.

[Kätzchen]

Being chased or stalked. Big deal breakers, to me.
Instant turn off.

[Lovely]

Pushy and passive aggressive personalities.
Manipulative personalities.
People pleasers.

[JDeere]

Religious zealots who try to throw stuff in my face, ive had a date do this.

Folks who cant text back.

[homoe]

I think I've posted this before but it bears repeating!


A "know-it-all" personality and those who can NEVER admit they were wrong!

[imperfect_cupcake]

seeing *all* femmes as being of one mind:

ie: what do femmes like?
what do I do to make femmes happy?
what will make a femme turned on?
how do I treat a femme on a date?
etc.

Glad you asked. We at Femme Hive Mind Head Quarters Appreciate your interest and intent.

the worst one of all
"how do I talk to a femme?"

Oh I dunno, pretend she's a human and talk to her like you would other humans? If she doesn't respond to human interaction you might accidentally be talking to a store manikin.

if what you actually mean is "I'm afraid of talking to people who present feminine because I think we actually have nothing in common because of that femininity so I don't know how to converse with them - and I'll get rebuffed in my awkwardness"

Then maybe you need to go back and re-think the assumptions that femininity = nothing in common with you because femininity = the opposite of you.

You need to go way, WAY back. Back up. Cause you are living in the wrong venn diagram. And in that venn diagram, no femmes cross with that. They are separate circles. Life is FULL of venn diagrams. How about the other ones you reside in? As in, the other things you are, the other interests you have, other than being butch.

Fishing? Cosplay? Rock collecting? Your dog? Knitting? Researching your family background? Movies? Recent Podcasts you really like? Things you talk about to other humans besides femmes? talk to femmes about those things.

things you talk to humans about
femmes are humans
therefore you can talk to femmes about them

Will ALL femmes be interested?
NO.

I'm a gonna circle you back to the Hive Mind joke.
Are all humans interest in the shit you talk to them about? No. Some find that shit pretty boring.
Since femmes are human, I'm gonna say they are going to be about the same.

"What can I talk to femmes about so they don't reject me and I get the magic response I'm looking for?"

a) I'm going to refer you to the Hive Mind sarcasm point.

b) We all get rejected, we all have to learn how to deal with rejection - it's a part of growing up and being a healthy adult. If you can't deal with rejection of an initial conversation (it sends you into a precarious tail spin), you might want to look into that and maybe get some support to explore that. You need to deal with that first. As a shy extrovert, I know what I'm talking about. Don't make *other* people do your work.

c) There is no magic harry potter way in, except with people who like you for you being you because they find it charming. Those are the people (ie people who are also femme) that its easier with.


- Administrative Control Officer 89674 of Femme Hive Mind

[Orema]

People who are habitually late.

[homoe]

people who treat waitstaff as their personal servants....

[girl_dee]

People who are habitually late.

BIG one for me!

[CherryWine]

Someone who blows hot and cold. Either you’re in or you’re out. It’s just one early indicator of controlling behavior. In some instances, it’s indicative of a narcissistic personality. Regardless, it’s a sure-fire way to get me to run in the opposite direction.

:byebye:

[JDeere]

Someone who is not sure of what they are.

[clay]

Someone who blows hot and cold. Either you’re in or you’re out. It’s just one early indicator of controlling behavior. In some instances, it’s indicative of a narcissistic personality. Regardless, it’s a sure-fire way to get me to run in the opposite direction.

:byebye:

Agree, Cdoodles! Watch my azz as I go out the door.....:)

[imperfect_cupcake]

"Blows hot and cold"

yeah, that does drive me a bit batty but also it brings to my attention what *I* believe is the attention I want. I've been accused of that since and I was very confused - I was enthusiastic about their company while they were with me, which is what *I* would want, but did not want daily contact because that's just not who I am in my life. I still felt exactly the same. They assumed I was blowing hot and cold. They argued with me about this and accused me of not wanting them, of being cold, of having walls...
So I put an end to it immediately. As much as I really, really liked them, and was sad about stopping it, actually fairly bummed out, I could see there was a huge discrepancy between our own ways and needs to demonstrate affection and closeness.

To them, they wanted frequency of quality time together, which was something I just couldn't give, along with the enthusiasm I showed when I was present.

I didn't want either of us to be hurt by a battle of very different needs and disappointments. I was already being accused of being cold. I thought it best to just stop there.

So be careful of accusing people of controlling or narcissistic behaviour. It may be your needs are just vastly different and it feels hot/cold to you - to them, they have the same feelings for you the whole time. But it will drive you nuts regardless - end it.

but it doesn't always have nefarious reasons.

[CherryWine]

I understand what you are saying, imperfect cupcake, and I think we are talking about two separate things. I am not confusing individual differences in needs regarding frequency of quality time with controlling and narcissistic behavior. I am very much an introvert and need time to myself between interactions to truly appreciate quality time spent with anyone. That goes for friends, family, and lovers. I definitely get that.

What I’m referring to is someone who...for example....immediately withdraws affection, seemingly without reason, but usually as a result of the fact that he or she felt slighted in some manner. When approached about the matter, they typically shut down and refuse to communicate. Then, once they decide that their feelings are no longer hurt (or you have served your due “punishment”), they are back to showering you with affection like nothing ever happened. I’ve discovered, unfortunately, that this typically comes from a place of deep insecurity and is a prelude to future controlling and manipulative behavior - hence, the reason I run in the opposite direction when I notice this behavior.

I’m definitely not talking about someone who is mature enough to say...”Hey, I need some alone time (space), so I’m going to spend this week doing such and such and we’ll catch up later.”

Come to think, this is not actually an “instant” turnoff per se, as it usually does take a bit of time knowing someone before it happens....but it is indeed a turnoff!

[Kätzchen]

I totally get what imperfect_cupcake and CherryWine are talking about. Thank you for articulating succinctly about controlling behaviors and what I call the 'push me/pull me' game (ie, manipulation ).

--- --- --- --- --- ---

Here's a few more Instant Turn Off behaviors that will turn me off:

Lack of compassion. Lack of honesty. Being unwilling to honor mine or another's boundaries. Those three things I've talked about many times over the years here in certain posts I've made in various forum threads..... As well as being chased or stalked. If I'm not talking to you, it's because I'm not interested in talking to you. I am very introverted, and I keep to myself. Also, Unwanted Contact is a huge deal breaker in my world.

[homoe]

I had a therapist once who explained the whole 'push me/pull me' thingy!

I've never been a victim, but I did have a close friend who played that game with women all the time!

[Signmypapyrus]

I number of things have already been mentioned, and I think to echo the push me/pull me, people who want a quick fling after a breakup.

People who are not kind or compassionate.

[homoe]

I number of things have already been mentioned, and I think to echo the push me/pull me, people who want a quick fling after a breakup.

People who are not kind or compassionate.

No good can ever come of being the "rebound" girlfriend!

[imperfect_cupcake]

I understand what you are saying, imperfect cupcake, and I think we are talking about two separate things. I am not confusing individual differences in needs regarding frequency of quality time with controlling and narcissistic behavior. I am very much an introvert and need time to myself between interactions to truly appreciate quality time spent with anyone. That goes for friends, family, and lovers. I definitely get that.

What I’m referring to is someone who...for example....immediately withdraws affection, seemingly without reason, but usually as a result of the fact that he or she felt slighted in some manner. When approached about the matter, they typically shut down and refuse to communicate. Then, once they decide that their feelings are no longer hurt (or you have served your due “punishment”), they are back to showering you with affection like nothing ever happened. I’ve discovered, unfortunately, that this typically comes from a place of deep insecurity and is a prelude to future controlling and manipulative behavior - hence, the reason I run in the opposite direction when I notice this behavior.

I’m definitely not talking about someone who is mature enough to say...”Hey, I need some alone time (space), so I’m going to spend this week doing such and such and we’ll catch up later.”

Come to think, this is not actually an “instant” turnoff per se, as it usually does take a bit of time knowing someone before it happens....but it is indeed a turnoff!

That I understand, and I've had people who were *very* emotionally mercurial in personality drive me round the fucking bend with it - again, with them, they weren't intentionally trying to be a complete dick, but they were *very* hard to take. I had to walk off.
And I watched a succession of following gfs walking off.
I stayed friends because she is hella funny and fun to be with and I have ZERO expectations as a friend.

I also didn't mean you, in particular.

I sort of meant general "you".

Because I *have* been accused of blow hot and cold when the differences are just compatibility. Mainly because the other person wants compromise ( of myyyyyy end lol) and they haven't grasped that I don't follow a romance novel form of lesbian love.

I don't rush stuff, I don't want to live with *anyone*, I don't get immediately emotionally involved. However, I can enjoy the shit out of people I like while things cook to see what happens.

This confuses people who follow more mainstream ideas of romance and I get accused of things, no matter how clear I am.

because the whole "controlling/narcissistic personality disorder" thing has rather exploded and they skip the part about "love bombing" - to ME what "regular" romance feels like is "love bombing" its too intense, there's no room, and it freaks me out. But I know it's just perspective on my part. Its not *actual* Love bombing.

So I don't accuse them of doing it.

so it was just a general caution, really. :)

[kittygrrl]

maybe..no politics or religion..current events are ok:hangloose:

[homoe]

People who constantly brag about what all they have!

[cathexis]

Not willing to experiment with new ideas and activities.

[Happyfemme]

Someone who is focused only on themselves, manipulative behaviors, lying, pretending to be someone else, pretending to exude attributes such as being kind and caring, always making negative comments, putting others down, and attempting to make every situation about themselves.

[VintageFemme]

Apathy.
Low self esteem.
Arrogance.
Self centeredness, not to be confused with self worth and esteem. I think it's great when someone has a healthy sense of self worth and takes pride in that, however those who can't see beyond themselves and their world and are oblivious to you and yours; that to me is such a drag. I move on immediately.
Mean people.
Those who want to tell you about how much money they have, who they know, etc. I'm never impressed.
Close minded people and those who say, "I can't" when they really mean, "I won't"
No sense of humor. That's probably the biggest turn off and alternatively, the biggest turn on when someone does make me laugh. You know that laugh that lingers long after it's over and you remember and laugh again.

[Tuff Stuff]

A mother cat who eats the head off her new born kitten.:eek:

Ya know if a human mother did the same..that would definitely be an instant turn off for me.

I think people are human beings with many faults and they don't always get it "right".
I can't tell others they better be perfect, because I know for a fact that I'm not.

Just don't eat your kids head off, cause that's like,not cool..and I wouldn't want to be around you after that.

[clay]

Really self centered people

Mean people who hurt others unjustly!

Arrogance...I say I am cocky confident, but am NOT cocky arrogant...BIG diff!

Alcohol excess

Cruelty to others & animals

Not being true to your core values

Conceit

[Reach *BANNED*]

When out on the date- and my date's phone rings- in the middle of the meal- and she answers- only to tell me that it is her ex asking advice about something.

Seriously?

Oh, and she continues to eat while talking to said ex.

Did I mention that was the ONLY date?

[homoe]

...

Negative & jaded, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, folks.............

[homoe]

...

A killjoy...............

[FireSignFemme]

Whiners. Whining, pleading learn the difference. One gets you not invited to parties and the other, with any luck, gets you laid.

[WheatToast]

Whiners. Whining, pleading learn the difference. One gets you not invited to parties and the other, with any luck, gets you laid.

Now, that was funny!

I'll choose:

Dishonesty
Blame Game & never wrong
Cheapskate/selfish/stingy
Bad hygiene
Hates sex & affection
Too moody
:eek:

[easygoingfemme]

Lazy. Don't be lazy- like as your default setting. Lazy days should be treats.

[cathexis]

LYING
" " deserves 2 lines
poor hygiene
low intelligence
Gain detergent, dryer sheets or anything else reeking of Gain
Misogyny
Any and all bigotry
Intolerance

[homoe]

...

A Debbie Downer.............

[PlatinumPearl]

Bossy people.

Especially Domme's that are power tripping thinking they can boss anyone and everyone around.

There's a difference between asking someone to do something and telling someone to do something. Learn the difference!!

[Orema]

Testers ... people who like to test you to see what you'll do. Often the test is doled out in passive-aggressive actions.

[CherylNYC]

Inability to apologize when wrong. I'm turned off by that now more than ever.

[WheatToast]

Someone who is rude and condescending to waitstaff or anyone in the service industry!

That is a major turnoff! Also, people who work waitstaff to death.
Ex: I once had lunch with a potential new g/f and she asked about salad dressings.
The waitress named off the usual- ranch, bleu cheese, thousand island, vinegrette and the house dressing. I can see asking to sample the house dressing, but this woman asked the waitress to bring her samples of ALL of them--during the lunch rush.
Then she chose ranch. On a small side salad.
She also asked questions about the rolls, the ingredients of several entrees and the entire dessert list.

Being overly late. After 15 minutes is bad. At 30 minutes, I cancel.

Another turn off is bad grammar. Supposibly and irregardless are the worst.

Borrowing without returning, returning things in wrecked condition--basically everything my pushy new next door neighbor says or does. :blink:

One quirky turn off I have is people making "air quotes" with the fingers.

Sharing details of our sex life in a group of people, in an attempt to be funny.

Needless to say, nose-picking, intentional belching and farting, or doing the usual bathroom things with the door open. I don't need to see anyone on the toilet, flossing, or otherwise spoiling the mystery of her beauty.

Finally, the silent treatment or ghosting without any explanations.

[Martina]

I don't need to see anyone on the toilet, flossing, or otherwise spoiling the mystery of her beauty.

I don't want to see flossing or other gross things either, but if a Butch wanted me to create some mystery around my allure, I'd immediately resort to wearing sweats, face cream, and do rags.

[homoe]

That is a major turnoff! Also, people who work waitstaff to death.
Ex: I once had lunch with a potential new g/f and she asked about salad dressings.
The waitress named off the usual- ranch, bleu cheese, thousand island, vinegrette and the house dressing. I can see asking to sample the house dressing, but this woman asked the waitress to bring her samples of ALL of them--during the lunch rush.
Then she chose ranch. On a small side salad.
She also asked questions about the rolls, the ingredients of several entrees and the entire dessert list.

Being overly late. After 15 minutes is bad. At 30 minutes, I cancel.

Another turn off is bad grammar. Supposibly and irregardless are the worst.

Borrowing without returning, returning things in wrecked condition--basically everything my pushy new next door neighbor says or does. :blink:

One quirky turn off I have is people making "air quotes" with the fingers.

Sharing details of our sex life in a group of people, in an attempt to be funny.

Needless to say, nose-picking, intentional belching and farting, or doing the usual bathroom things with the door open. I don't need to see anyone on the toilet, flossing, or otherwise spoiling the mystery of her beauty.

Finally, the silent treatment or ghosting without any explanations.

If I had a neighbor like that, I'd learn real fast to say to whatever she wanted to borrow "Oh I just ran out of that myself"
"I could care less" vs "I couldn't care less" are my grammar irritations!

[WheatToast]

I don't want to see flossing or other gross things either, but if a Butch wanted me to create some mystery around my allure, I'd immediately resort to wearing sweats, face cream, and do rags.

If a butch really loves her partner, then sweats, face cream and do-rags wouldn't change a thing. I just don't need to see, or be seen, conducting certain bodily activities. It's got nothing to do with what she wears.
Just like you said--flossing and other gross things, I'd rather not see.
And I like a little mystery surrounding my love's allure. *Who doesn't?


*A rhetorical question
:wallbreak:

[Martina]

That mysterious woman thing is sexist. Nothing that we do is so baffling that it can not be understood by another human being. Implying so puts pressure on women to maintain sexist standards of behavior.

Women are fucking ashamed of their sweat or the shape of their labia. Fuck that crazy shit. We are fully human, not fairies or aliens. We sweat, belch and excrete like everyone else. And if we choose to use beauty products or even to get cosmetic surgery, it is not magic. It's expensive, time-consuming effort that I hope most of us do primarily for ourselves, not to maintain the "mystery."

Some people do this mystery femme thing playfully and by choice. All power to them.

But saying everybody feels like this is sexist. Women are not mysterious, unless they want to be.

[MrSunshine]

Testers ... people who like to test you to see what you'll do. Often the test is doled out in passive-aggressive actions.

What about taste testers?

[MrSunshine]

[QUOTE=Martina;1239683]I don't want to see flossing or other gross things either, but if a Butch wanted me to create some mystery around my allure, I'd immediately resort to wearing sweats, face cream, and do rags. QUOTE]

Do rags and sweats are hot.

[homoe]

...


Those who go on and on about their ex....

[Gemme]

Personally, someone that doesn't floss or practice oral hygiene is a turn off so I don't mind seeing them get down to it. As long as they don't spit toothpaste on me, I'm good.

[kittygrrl]

i don't want to see her bathroom routine and i'm glad not to share mine, unless it's bathing/showering together

[Orema]

I don’t mind flossing and oral hygiene, provided it’s not done at the dinner table, but I’m instantly turned off by bathroom humor.

[PlatinumPearl]

People that suck their teeth or pick their teeth with a toothpick, napkin or something else while having dinner at a restaurant or while walking out of a restaurant... :blink:

[C0LLETTE]

I don't care how often you floss ( brushing is nice ) but I do want you to be able to name 5 European countries ( at a minimum ).

[C0LLETTE]

Gays who support or vote for Trump...and I don't give a flying "f" what the rationale is.

[JDeere]

Judgemental people

People who assume without asking questions first

People who judge a book by it's cover

[cathexis]

Bigots
LIARS, worst of all
People who claim to support a cause without fully understanding what it's
all about.
Blind Faith in any human endeavor(politics, history, economics, religion, etc.)

[kittygrrl]

condescending..cruelty, for no good reason..natural grace turns me on

[charley]

Bullying, control freaks, liars, wilfulness

[~ocean]

Bullying, control freaks, liars, wilfulness

you just described TRUMP !

[charley]

you just described TRUMP !

chuckling... I watch too much news (lol)

However, I have interacted with others who are like that..., and discovered that because of the criteria to do meditation as I do, they can't do it :)

There is always a price/consequence resulting from the choices that people make... Then again, if they had intelligence/goodness in them, they wouldn't make those "choices", and they would see the difference between choice and right/correct action. It is relatively easy now for me to discern those kinds of people.

[Vincent]

Is there an instant turn ons thread?


I find ,that I would rather just think,"not my type"

As I'm pretty odd and tend to annoy people,"not in a I'm a jerk way"just I tend to think outside the box a lot :)

[JDeere]

Is there an instant turn ons thread?


I find ,that I would rather just think,"not my type"

As I'm pretty odd and tend to annoy people,"not in a I'm a jerk way"just I tend to think outside the box a lot :)

Yes there is a turn on thread but im not quite sure where its hidden on the board!

[Chad]

Being invited to a home that is filthy and gross.
Cheaters
Liers
Druggies
Thieves

[JDeere]

Cheaters
Liars
Players you know the more than one woman deal
Wimp ass folks who couldnt bust a grape in a fruit fight

[kittygrrl]

uncertain
indifferent
spiteful

[RebelDyke]

these are all really good ones.. I could add these to the long list

over-dramatic
doesn't take accountability
twists your words
makes everything your fault
they are too stubborn to talk about problems
cannot compromise
always makes it about them
and always wants it their way
or does not care about your milestones or pivotal moments of life
has double standards
then if they hide things...like stupid little things about themselves and blow it off like it was none of your business... ya have to think ...hmm if they lied about that.. what else they lyin' bout?

but i think most importantly on having all these traits.. they still believe they are nice people.

(these are the short list of traits I have experienced over the years of dating...)

[Gemme]

these are all really good ones.. I could add these to the long list

over-dramatic
doesn't take accountability
twists your words
makes everything your fault
they are too stubborn to talk about problems
cannot compromise
always makes it about them
and always wants it their way
or does not care about your milestones or pivotal moments of life
has double standards
then if they hide things...like stupid little things about themselves and blow it off like it was none of your business... ya have to think ...hmm if they lied about that.. what else they lyin' bout?

but i think most importantly on having all these traits.. they still believe they are nice people.

(these are the short list of traits I have experienced over the years of dating...)

Yes, yes and yes a few other times! Where was this post when I could have used it a few years ago?

[Chad]

these are all really good ones.. I could add these to the long list

over-dramatic
doesn't take accountability
twists your words
makes everything your fault
they are too stubborn to talk about problems
cannot compromise
always makes it about them
and always wants it their way
or does not care about your milestones or pivotal moments of life
has double standards
then if they hide things...like stupid little things about themselves and blow it off like it was none of your business... ya have to think ...hmm if they lied about that.. what else they lyin' bout?

but i think most importantly on having all these traits.. they still believe they are nice people.

(these are the short list of traits I have experienced over the years of dating...)

Agreed.
People lie about the funniest things like eating candy. Then you find 4 candy wrappers in the car. Makes me scratch my head.

[Chad]

Being invited to a home that is filthy and gross.
Cheaters
Liers
Druggies
Thieves

When I was 18 years old I found my GF's mother in my garage trying to break into my Camero at 6:00 am to steal my gas card from the console. It is funny now but it was a good lesson about trust.

[RebelDyke]

Agreed.
People lie about the funniest things like eating candy. Then you find 4 candy wrappers in the car. Makes me scratch my head.

for me it is things more sensitive like 420. I am an advocate for it. I do not partake. I believe it helps some people but every time people have NOT been honest with me on that... it turns out.. it is because they are an addict. SO, people get major major kudos, points, and RESPECT for being up front and honest on that one! if i am going to have that in my life on a daily basis... i think it is something i should know.

know thyself

[Chad]

for me it is things more sensitive like 420. I am an advocate for it. I do not partake. I believe it helps some people but every time people have NOT been honest with me on that... it turns out.. it is because they are an addict. SO, people get major major kudos, points, and RESPECT for being up front and honest on that one! if i am going to have that in my life on a daily basis... i think it is something i should know.

know thyself
I get that.

I was young and very social in the 70's and 80's. I knew a lot of folks addicted to drugs and booze. I held more than one human all night that eventually died from drugs. I have been shot at more times then I care to remember and seen the faces of crying parents. It is that lifestyle I hate it is very dangerous to all.
That is also why I hate the smell of patchouli a lot of druggies use that smell to hide the smell of drugs. Been there done that and survived it.

[Vincent]

Yes, yes and yes a few other times! Where was this post when I could have used it a few years ago?
Yeah,I dont get people who lie,like you're gunna get caught out eventually and I hate liers.
Also a red flag is people who go from one I'm in love to the next I'm in love in 6 weeks,how is that possible?
Ive only loved 2 women,so If I hear that,I'm out of there.
I just left a FB singles group,pretty scary lol

[JDeere]

PSYCHOS not the good kinda crazy women but the actual PSYCHOS who will try to kill you or take the transmission out of your truck.

Narcissicts

[homoe]

PSYCHOS not the good kinda crazy women but the actual PSYCHOS who will try to kill you or take the transmission out of your truck.

Narcissicts

Yikes JD you need a different source or venue for meeting women......:|

[Chad]

PSYCHOS not the good kinda crazy women but the actual PSYCHOS who will try to kill you or take the transmission out of your truck.

Narcissicts

Been there done that. Watch your back buddy. I have spent too many nights worried that a femme would stab me in my sleep.

[QueenofSmirks]

People who feel the need to tell/show/explain to me how clever they are. Instant turn-off!

[homoe]

Been there done that. Watch your back buddy. I have spent too many nights worried that a femme would stab me in my sleep.


Yikes, thankfully I've never experienced this concern....