What are your life basics?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Some people need to be in an own house with lots of land, some people need dogs, some people need to be physically close to family, some people need to travel.

Aside from Maslow's hierarchy of need - which ever human need the basics of (food, shelter, heat, safety... Please see here http://convene.com/wp-content/uploads/MaslowsHiearchyofNeeds.png if you have no idea what I'm talking about...

But after the basics of human survival are met, we all have different *personality* based needs that we have tried doing without and just can't.

What are yours?

I'll start will mine for example...

~ I need to be in an urban space, with lots of shops, good grocers, restaurants and cafes, and community events.

~ I need my friends to be in my neighbourhood, so if I move to a new city and as I make friends I will move to the neighbourhood in which most of them are.

~ I need to be constantly learning. My brain needs to be busy. So I will always be signed up for one course or another.

~ I need easy sociability (see urban and local friends) - I need daily contact with people and I need it to be easy.

~ I need cats

~ I need my own space. Badly. I may be an extrovert but I need my private me space that is wholey mine, only mine and where in I can ask people to leave or invite people in. Where I don't have to have discussions about what goes on in them or what I do with it.

~ If I absolutely positively *have* to live with a partner I will need a large bedroom (something that can be made into a bed-sitting room) with my own bathroom attached. And there will have to be a house cleaner. There might be the odd day I do not come out of my own space. And that's gonna have to be ok. If my partner wants company, they have to have friends they can ask for company and be happy with. Some days I just need to be on my own.

~ I need queer friends, not just straight ones. I need butch and trans* friends not just femme ones.

~ I need independence. I'm not fond of answering to people (even though I prefer my partner to "be the boss" that has fairly tight limitations lol) I even get arsey with my mom if she gets too "fussy" or controlling for my comfort. I'm good with taking care of my own needs, so when I'm questioned in certain ways, I can get spikey. This is always why some employment and I don't get along. I HATE micromanagement of any sort and will mentally drive tent pegs through someone's eyes if I feel micromanaged.

~ I do need green space that isn't over crowded. So being 10/15 minute walking distance to a park or beach that doesn't get jammed with people.

~ ideally, I'd love to have a car. I'm not sure I can be arsed. I live next to the sky train and have a bike. I might opt for a scooter. Less hassle.

[clay]

I will answer later...thanks for making me "think harder" and see more than B/W views!

[C0LLETTE]

I need pretty much what I_c needs except for the cat, separate bathroom ensuite, and I can be "arsed" about my car. However, in addition, I need someone to help me figure out how to get those things and not compromise on them cause that's where most of my anxieties and guilt feelings root. So, I guess I'd add a really really good psychotherapist.

[cricket26]

i am a simple person with simple needs...

food, shelter, clothing, some sort of work that makes me feel like i have accomplished something everyday, a way to get to that work, and human contact...however much or little life affords me :)

[homoe]

I lead a simple life as well! Of course the two materialistic items I need would be books and movies!

[imperfect_cupcake]

That's pretty cool. I can survive just about anywhere, but to be happy, relaxed, content and at my best I've learned I'm not as simple as I thought I was. For example, I've learned:

I can't live in the booneys or suburbs and not get depressed.

I definitely can't live with more than two other people and I really do need my own room, not share a house with others *and* share a bedroom with a partner.

I can't live so far from green space that I can't take a break...

I have learned that I'm OK with not living near my family, but I do need to be near friends

Surely people have learned other life basics for happiness?

[Uli]

I think the things I need for happiness can vary greatly based on life circumstance, but here's what I've got off the top of my head:

-good coffee (and this is not a random order list) - I use coffee to manage my mental health, at times. I find peace in my coffee making rituals. The first sip of hot coffee in the morning makes me happy to be awake and alive. I am unhappy and actively using coping skills if I am financially in a position to have to drink pre-ground coffee rather than whole bean.

-furry friends - i'm sure i would be sad and bored all the time without at least one pet to babble at and snuggle with

-a functional kitchen with enough counter space on which to knead bread dough by hand - making bread is my version of prayer or meditation

-quiet time away from other human for at least a little while everyday

-someone smart and interesting to talk to for at least a little while almost every day

-meaningful physical contact - i can cope without this for lengths of time, but i find i'm much more emotionally stable if i can,at least, melt fully into a good hug relatively often

[flapdoodle]

I can go on and on about the word "need" yada yada, but will go with it instead.

I need my own life, aside from my friends and J (my hubby), this includes thoughts, interests, spiritual/religious beliefs, hobbies, and so on

I need art supplies and all of my own forms of expression.

I need to be me, I cannot live in a closet or in an area where i feel I must hide.

I need to feel understood even if you disagree.
I need a king size bed, I need pictures of the past, I need the love of friends and family.
I need to learn as often and as much as I can.
I need to be kind, understanding and everything I want in return.
I need my morals and ethics.
I need my Past.
I need my animals
I need my "J"

[MsTinkerbelly]

I need to feel secure; Secure in my home, my marriage...Secure in my role as mother, sister, wife, friend.
Losing the ability to do meaningful work nearly made me lose my mind, but I've been able to substitute Church activities, housework, and e-bay sales for my need to be productive and not a burden.
I need quiet time alone every day
I need the mountains around me
I need good books to stimulate my mind
I need to be listened to, and not have my problems solved
I need laughter...big heaping doses of laughter.
I need to be silly, crazy, loving, nurturing, needed, wanted, loved.... I need to be first in someone's life.

[Martina]

My friends
My cats
Books, TV, Art, Music
A sense of purpose -- that I am making a difference
Occasional opportunities for fun
Some physical pleasure of some kind
Being near the ocean
Being around people with progressive politics -- really important
Quiet time and my own space
Bacon

[Shystonefem]

Wow, great question.

I need my animals and to always have animals around.

I need to live in a place that is semi-rural yet close to water and a city... preferably a place on the water that is fairly close to a city.

I need time to myself for meditation, etc.

If I am coupled, I need that person to respect me and I would do the same.

I need to read, write and learn.

I need to live in a peaceful environment, without stress inside the home.

I need to have close friends that I trust.

[princessbelle]

I also believe "need" and "want" are way different, but i'll join in and think of it more in a "want" way.

Love. Unconditional, from family, friends.
Security. Feeling safe and out of harms way.
To feel needed. Helping people that reach out or those that can't but should.
Laughter. A day without laughing is a day wasted.
Sunshine. It warms my bones and my spirit.
Acceptance. To be who i am from my friends without judgement or prejudice.
Independence. Some of the time.
Quiet time. To think thoughts through, especially early in the day or when something is on my mind.
Understanding. That i goof up. I make mistakes. But, hey, we all do.

Last, but certainly not least, and something that has been on my mind more and more the past few months.....

Community. Without community i feel isolated, alone and strange in a foreign land where no one really understands my heart. (thank you planet)

[imperfect_cupcake]

Sorry. I meant like stated in the OP with Maslow's "hierarchy of needs". Taking out the bottom level. The link is up there if it's helpful for clarification on the word use of "need"? :/

[JDeere]

Food, water, shelter and clothes. But also friends and family. I try not too think too hard on things and keep it simple. Want and need are two different things for me. I will never get what i want but will almost certainly have what I need.

[clay]

~I need arts &crafts supplies and space ~~I need quiet time/space of my own daily....and am afforded that regularly. ~~I need my furbaby. She is a huge part of me and my world........for 10 years. ~~I need to view and enjoy the ocean regularly and seeing my dolphins! ~~I need social time with a select group of trusted friends. ~~I need social time for my most intimate of friends on this Planet! I love them each uniquely. ~~~I need my smudging rituals to cleanse my space and myself. ~~~I need my beloved crystals and healing stones, and my salt rock lamp. ~~I need my incense burns daily. ~~~I need, and do humbly appreciate my life, health, and wonderful partner all the time. ~~~I need to share my love for my very closest chosen family and friends often!

[imperfect_cupcake]

For those not clear about what I mean and you think I'm confusing wants with needs.... Ok sorry. I'll try again but I'll make sure I put the picture here:

http://www.robertsoncomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/maslows-hierarchy-of-needs.jpg

(Edit to add: won't let me put an image in so I'm afraid you'll have to actually click it and look at it)

This is what I linked to. This is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

I'm sayin' aside from the bottom layer oF listed physiological needs, HOW or WHAT things bring you the rest of your (as *Maslow* defines "needs") needs? How or what makes you content and happy, not just surviving. Like I'd never be content and happy living in a cement mixer even though it would keep the rain off me. I need to live where I have control over my own personal space or I get stressed out.

Thank you For your patience.

I've made a pigs ear of this thread, trying to articulate. But I hope I've done a better job now.

[imperfect_cupcake]

~I need arts &crafts supplies and space ~~I need quiet time/space of my own daily....and am afforded that regularly. ~~I need my furbaby. She is a huge part of me and my world........for 10 years. ~~I need to view and enjoy the ocean regularly and seeing my dolphins! ~~I need social time with a select group of trusted friends. ~~I need social time for my most intimate of friends on this Planet! I love them each uniquely. ~~~I need my smudging rituals to cleanse my space and myself. ~~~I need my beloved crystals and healing stones, and my salt rock lamp. ~~I need my incense burns daily. ~~~I need, and do humbly appreciate my life, health, and wonderful partner all the time. ~~~I need to share my love for my very closest chosen family and friends often!

Thank you clay!

[clay]

you are so very welcome!

[MsTinkerbelly]

I thought i got it, but i guess not.

Sorry!

[Miss Scarlett]

Our warm, loving home.

Shoes on my feet and clothes on my back.

Healthy food in our kitchen.

Our furbabies.

Our families and friends.

My job.

Laughter.

Our love and the mutual respect we have for each other.

As far as I'm concerned, anything else is a bonus.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I thought i got it, but i guess not.

Sorry!

Tinks! You did indeed get it. It's just before people ran off with "need" vs "want" I'd clarify. You were one the money. :)

[cricket26]

maslows pyramid is a great visual tool used to explain our needs as human beings...the pyramid explains that the basic needs are at the bottom and the more intellectual needs are at the top....the pyramid implies that once our basic needs are met, we can move on to the needs higher up in the pyramid...unfortunately in an economy that allows people to live in poverty some people never reach a level beyond basic needs of survival...and if finances arent the reason keeping some from moving up the pyramid, isolation and discrimination can keep some from moving up the pyramid...one has to learn to adapt to ones circumstances....

[imperfect_cupcake]

Absolutely. I lived in poverty for quite a long time.
I had to make do with things like no heat, $10 a week grocery shopping for two people, no transport money to get to work, so it was walk or cycle, no ability to meet people etc etc etc. and I was surviving. Not living in way I could gain comfort from.

That's why I was asking about needs beyond that level. I learned a lot about where I could live and couldn't, what I could do without and still be happy, and what I couldn't.

Thus my question.

[Blade]

I need my me space
I need my critters, they vary from time to time
I need spiritual time
I need to be close to the mountains but not to far from the ocean
I need time with family and watching the little ones grow
I need my home and the security it gives me
I need good neighbors and friends
I need a challenging job
I need short trips and travel, visiting
I need to help others, it's ingrained in me
I need to be understood

[Daniela]

I need to follow my own set of ethics so that I can look at myself in the mirror at the end of the day.

I need to have private space and the ability to take alone time, because social interaction can drain me.

Conversely, I need to have social interaction (in moderate and controlled doses).

I need my family - though that can be long distance. :D

I need to be able to be creative in some way.

I need a small group of friends.

I need to feel in control of my life.

I need to be able to laugh at things, and surround myself with people WHO (it wont let me uncapitalize WHO...WTF!) don't take life too seriously.

And last, but certainly not least, I need my iPhone.

[TruTexan]

I need to be loved and love in return intimately.
I need to be around people in moderate doses.
I need more good trustworthy friends in real time.
I need to feel secure in my home and basic needs.
I need to be myself and loved for just being myself.
I need to be needed and wanted and accepted.
I need to be respected.
I need to know my feelings matter and not just to myself.

Just a few things I need.

[cricket26]

Absolutely. I lived in poverty for quite a long time.
I had to make do with things like no heat, $10 a week grocery shopping for two people, no transport money to get to work, so it was walk or cycle, no ability to meet people etc etc etc. and I was surviving. Not living in way I could gain comfort from.

That's why I was asking about needs beyond that level. I learned a lot about where I could live and couldn't, what I could do without and still be happy, and what I couldn't.

Thus my question.


some say the days you live in poverty are the happiest of your life...think of young married couples just starting out....the times i have had less are the times i have been the happiest :)

[imperfect_cupcake]

They were most certainly not the happiest. Real poverty where you are hungry and cold and isolated are not very happy at all.

[Gemme]

Agreed, cupcake.

There were days in my childhood that I had a choice between no food or dry cat food. Or when my mother dragged me across several states to sleep in homeless shelters. We were broke as a joke but those were not the happiest times for me. Not even close.

For my basics, this is what I need to thrive:

*community and a sense of knowing where I belong and what pack/pride/gaggle I belong to
*personal safety, in home and heart
*stable employment and home life
*unlimited time to myself (I may not take a lot some days, but I don't like limitations placed upon time I spend with myself)
*an abundance, even an over abundance, of food in the house (leftover from that whole no food/cat food thing)
*a firm bed for whole body health
*regular exercise for physical and mental health and pain management for health issues
*I need to be seen. Really and truly seen and accepted and loved. No filters, no fillers. Good, bad and ugly.
*Support, professionally and personally.

I can certainly still exist missing some or all of these things but it's just that; existence. I want to do more than just breathe air in and out. I want to live; truly so. These are some of the things I require to do that.

[Uli]

some say the days you live in poverty are the happiest of your life...think of young married couples just starting out....the times i have had less are the times i have been the happiest :)

There is a giant difference between 'we are on a tight budget, but will definitely probably not run out of ramen noodles before next pay day' and actual poverty. That notion of 'ahhh, the salad days, when we were young, broke, and happy' (which is a pretty specifically middle class notion) is not at all similar to actual poverty where you're stomach hurts and there's not even a cracker on which to squirt your last bit of ketchup.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Agreed, cupcake.

There were days in my childhood that I had a choice between no food or dry cat food. Or when my mother dragged me across several states to sleep in homeless shelters. We were broke as a joke but those were not the happiest times for me. Not even close.

For my basics, this is what I need to thrive:

*community and a sense of knowing where I belong and what pack/pride/gaggle I belong to
*personal safety, in home and heart
*stable employment and home life
*unlimited time to myself (I may not take a lot some days, but I don't like limitations placed upon time I spend with myself)
*an abundance, even an over abundance, of food in the house (leftover from that whole no food/cat food thing)
*a firm bed for whole body health
*regular exercise for physical and mental health and pain management for health issues
*I need to be seen. Really and truly seen and accepted and loved. No filters, no fillers. Good, bad and ugly.
*Support, professionally and personally.

I can certainly still exist missing some or all of these things but it's just that; existence. I want to do more than just breathe air in and out. I want to live; truly so. These are some of the things I require to do that.

Gosh, indeed. Having a home that I don't have to wear a wool hat to bed and shiver, my face be ice cold and watch my breath mist in front of me, take two hours to get to work, in order to dodge train fare, steal cat food from the vet practice so I can eat (dry frozen fifth grade fish fillets), shop lift food and barely make rent, constantly worried if I'm going to be able to the next month, while not being a citizen, is very frightening.

Now, I am on a tight budget. I have no milk for my tea Till the 30th, I'm living literally on rice and beans but I am not scared about being on the street. I'm not hungry and I'm warm :D this is poor. Not poverty.

I think you used a better word: thrive.
The basics I need to thrive. Thank you for understanding what I mean.

Gosh, isn't it great to have the opportunity to know :) <3

[Jesse]

Gosh I can relate to many of the posts here, some more than others.

I need to feel safe physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I need healthy, locally grown food that has not been modified or drowned in pesticides.
I need friends from all walks of life.
I need to be heard.
I need to matter to the people that I allow in my space.
I need for my personal boundaries to be respected.
I need to know what my friends expect and need from our relationship.
I need time and space in which to be still and just be me without expectations from others.
I need time for learning.
I need my creative outlets.
I need to maintain an intimate relationship with nature.
I am a huge fan of dogs in general and would be lost without my dog.
I need healthy interpersonal communication
I need laughter, sunshine, & warmth.
I need to know that I am loved.

I feel that I thrive when these needs are cared for.

[Gemme]

Gosh, indeed. Having a home that I don't have to wear a wool hat to bed and shiver, my face be ice cold and watch my breath mist in front of me, take two hours to get to work, in order to dodge train fare, steal cat food from the vet practice so I can eat (dry frozen fifth grade fish fillets), shop lift food and barely make rent, constantly worried if I'm going to be able to the next month, while not being a citizen, is very frightening.

Now, I am on a tight budget. I have no milk for my tea Till the 30th, I'm living literally on rice and beans but I am not scared about being on the street. I'm not hungry and I'm warm :D this is poor. Not poverty.

I think you used a better word: thrive.
The basics I need to thrive. Thank you for understanding what I mean.

Gosh, isn't it great to have the opportunity to know :) <3

I got what you were saying. Maybe it was some similarities in life experiences or that I had a teacher who practically lived and died for Maslow (I mean, REALLY loved him.), but I heard you. I just needed a bit of time to get some thoughts in order.

:)

Jesse brought up a good one. Boundaries! For me and everyone else. That can possibly fall under the umbrella of seeing me; knowing me truly but it can more than that as it's not just the knowledge of the boundaries but the adherence to them and the respect for them.

Excellent point, Jesse.

[cricket26]

at the risk of sounding like my poverty was worse than your poverty...i will spare the details of my childhood, suffice to say that i know poverty...it may not have been "happy" times...but i thought the question was "what are your basic needs"


in times of hardship and poverty we depend on each other more and form closer bonds....meeting more emotional needs :)


the bonds formed during hard times...last a lifetime

[imperfect_cupcake]

at the risk of sounding like my poverty was worse than your poverty...i will spare the details of my childhood, suffice to say that i know poverty...it may not have been "happy" times...but i thought the question was "what are your basic needs"


in times of hardship and poverty we depend on each other more and form closer bonds....meeting more emotional needs :)


the bonds formed during hard times...last a lifetime

My wife ran off with someone else because of the stress of that stretch poverty and the depression when her dad died. My best friend has just gone through two years of really hard poverty with her husband they fought more, almost got divorced and barely made it through because of the stress.

Cricket, if poverty has brought you closer together with your partner, I think that's great. and I promise I'm not trying to have a go at you. I like you, but please... can you please not assume your experience with poverty is like everyone's.

you did say "some say the days you live in poverty are the happiest of your life"

and now you are saying "it may not have been "happy" times"

then why aren't street people jolly? Why aren't people living in shelters absolutely full of joy and support for other humans?

I'm glad that being impoverished was once of the best times of your life. Really. But it's actually rather hurtful, at least to me, to hear that I should have been happy and bonding with people when what happened was that when I was that way, no one wanted to know. And I lost people.

That was my experience. I never, ever want to go there again. ever. that's why I did some dodgy things to get a plane ticket and come home, so I could at least be poor and a citizen, instead of in poverty, lonely and with no way out, and not a citizen.

Please, cricket. I'm not trying to be mean or compeditive. You are obviously a good person. but please stop telling me how poverty should feel or play out. Your experience is yours. And I'm glad it was a real positive for you.

[imperfect_cupcake]

And perhaps I haven't been clear enough. I'm sorry if I haven't. It's not "what are your basic needs." But "what are your basic *to be happy* (or as gemme put it, "to thrive, not just exist") needs according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, given that your needs in the bottom row have been met"

When you live in poverty, the bottom row of Maslow's pyramid is not met. I mean, beyond

"Air, food, water, clothing, shelter, sleep"

I mean how or what are the things that bring you the other levels:
How or what brings you a sense of Safety and security
How or what brings you a sense love and belonging
How or what brings you a sense Self esteem
How or what brings you a sense of Self actualisation

What does that for you? What are all the things or situations that bring that for you.

I apologise if it's been unclear. I did try with posting the link twice for people to click on to look at what I ment and try to explain a couple of times but I know I'm not the most articulate of people. I hope this is more clear to those I have have found me confusing.

[cricket26]

i too apologize for posting in a thread that is an obvious trigger for me...so ....i will gracefully decline commenting further :)

[TruTexan]

I have a need to belong in my family
I have a need to know where I belong in life.
I have a need to feel like I'm not the only one dealing with the things I cope with daily.
I have a need for my friends to understand where I'm coming from when I speak
I have a need to be able to understand what I'm reading.....it sucks i have trouble with this.
I have a need to be more in control of my feelings, emotions, anger, love,etc.
I have a need to be more forgiving.
I have a desperate need to control my own thought processing, which is running amok almost daily and tends to interfere with reading and understanding what I've just read.
I have a need to get my ptsd and anxiety more under control.
I have a need to be heard, listened to, and have something done about it, not just leave me with my emotions and my heart in my lap holding them all alone.

I've been working on a lot of these with my therapist.

[Katniss]

A fast car
A full tank
Wi-Fi



http://rjnello.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/maslows-new-hierarchy-of-needs.png?w=636


Katniss~~(A simple girl with simple needs....)

[Cin]

For those not clear about what I mean and you think I'm confusing wants with needs.... Ok sorry. I'll try again but I'll make sure I put the picture here:

http://www.robertsoncomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/maslows-hierarchy-of-needs.jpg

(Edit to add: won't let me put an image in so I'm afraid you'll have to actually click it and look at it)

This is what I linked to. This is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

I'm sayin' aside from the bottom layer oF listed physiological needs, HOW or WHAT things bring you the rest of your (as *Maslow* defines "needs") needs? How or what makes you content and happy, not just surviving. Like I'd never be content and happy living in a cement mixer even though it would keep the rain off me. I need to live where I have control over my own personal space or I get stressed out.

Thank you For your patience.

I've made a pigs ear of this thread, trying to articulate. But I hope I've done a better job now.

Do you have to go from one layer to another in order? Can you jump to Self Esteem without first meeting your social needs? Can you skip safety and go right to self actualization? Is it only the needs of the bottom layer that must be met before you can move on to other layers?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Good question.

I don't know. I do know that when I didn't have the bottom row, other things like my gay rights, seemed fucking trivial.

Only recently have I gotten the second row in place. Ish. And I know in planning for my future, the second row is my highest priority. I have love and belonging. Not romantic love, but I am most certainly loved and I do belong in my little group of friends. I probably have more self esteem than ever before in my life. But that comes with age, usually. And I suppose self actualisation... That's taking me a life time to understand. And will continue till I croak no doubt.

So perhaps some things come in, in pieces, at different levels. But perhaps the general interest in developing them, the priority is most often given from lower to higher? I dunno.

What do you think?

[Tuff Stuff]

Yep,I think as we do grow older and probably become more maturer our priorities in life change.What was important to us at 17 is not so at age 47.

Oh there's the same ol' things in life I can't do without.Like having a roof over my head,because being homeless sucks,and it probably be a lot harder on my back these days.

Having money,which i see as security,you can buy necessities with it.

And having someone to live for..because I need to "watch over" another person.

Oh,I can live alone,but the idea of waking up everyday and doing things to survive not just for myself but for another,appeals to me.
Its a reason for me to live on.

I am also a very hard headed person and I usually do things my way.I think i'll be like that till my dying day.

I'm a survivor...hearing the Survivor theme "Ancient Voices" in my head *snort*

[Daisy Chain]

Liking this thread....OK...

To know my children are safe, well and happy.

To know the mortgage and bills are all paid up to date.

A well stocked larder.

Time...having time to laugh and chat with anyone who passes through my day.

Furry beings with whiskers.

Gentle smiles, eye contact, softly spoken words, hand holding, cuddles, huddles and snuggles.

Quiet moments of reflection alongside giddiness and giggles.

Hot water, soapy bubbles, clean sheets and warm blankets.....oh and teddy bears of course.

Safety.

Books, pens, paper.

Cups of Tea.

added extras.....fresh flowers, sunshine, music, perfume, craft supplies, a garden and rain.

Daisy :bouquet: