Couples together 5 or 10 or 20+ yrs or better

[morningstar55]

how do you do it????
what is your secret??
im sure not every day is a bed of roses......
how do you work thru disagrements??
i am 54 and i so long for a long term relationship... everyone in my family has been with there other halves 20 yrs and more... and i ask myself what is my problem???
I know my flaws and own up to them.... im not perfect yet so many out there are looking for that Mr or ms PERFECT person.
and im sure there others here that may have the same thought and ?.
now I am attracted to the hard type butchies... be it stoner or not.. or TG .. i never dated someone FTM.but im not going to rule them out. heh :wink:
but it seems like most of them all like them foofoo type of girls...
i long for someone to grow old with, be my friend, companion, lover, soul mate.
anyways........ soo tell us .... long term couples.....
how do you all make it work??

[morningstar55]

hmmmmmmmm heh . welllllll ....... was hoping for a couple responses of some sort..... lol
guess there r .....no......... couples here 5 yrs or better.... together.

[Rockinonahigh]

Ahh Morningstar,ya know I have ask my self the same question a lot over the years and for the life of me I still am asking it today.I dont know if its me or was I looking to hard in the past,btw I now figure if its ment to be it will.One thing for shure is that ppl must be ble to connect in some way to see if they can have a friendship first cause with out a solid friendship I dont see anyone staying together for long.Personaly I dont care if the femme is a high femme or how ever she Id's her self just as long as we fit as a couple.

[theoddz]

Hello Morningstar,

I know you addressed your question to the couples who've had 5, 10 and 20+ years together, and Tabs and I have only hit the 4 year mark. I've had 2 other long term relationships in my life, one that lasted 5 years and the other nearly 8, both wonderful, even though they didn't last. Looking back on it, however, I know why they failed, so I'm just going to throw my 2 cents in on this thing, and just say a couple of things from my own perspective.

I think that many people who have longevity in their relationship would probably agree with my broad, generalized statement that, in order for a relationship to survive, you have to continue to grow together. If you don't, you grow apart. When you grow apart, you lose interest and then you lose communication. I do think that compatibility is a big necessity, but that certainly doesn't mean that you always have to see eye to eye on everything. You just have to be able to communicate your differences and be able to listen, hear and understand your partner, and take action to work things out in a lasting, meaningful, mutually accepted way. Mind you, some people, G-d love them, are just pissy communicators. When you get into a relationship with one of these folks, you/they either learn to communicate with them/you or you're doomed. I used to be one of these kinds of folks, but my problem with communication was due to other issues I had going on that I should have worked out before trying to become involved with someone.....anyone, for that matter. That might be the case with some people, too.

It's the little things that break a lot of folks up, I think...the little annoyances and failings and disappointments that are not communicated and worked on that split people up. It's the lack of interest and complacency of accepting the slow spiraling down of communication. In my own experiences, the lack of love was never the issue. There was always plenty of love. It was the communication breakdown that killed the relationship, and this is what is meant, I think, by the phrase "when love is not enough". I think this is what happened to both of the failed long term relationships in my own past. Because of the lack of that communication, we grew complacent (though comfortably so) and thus failed/stopped growing together.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents, for what it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. I, too, am interested in hearing what the other folks have to say on this.

~Theo~ :bouquet:

[morningstar55]

Hello Morningstar,

I know you addressed your question to the couples who've had 5, 10 and 20+ years together, and Tabs and I have only hit the 4 year mark. I've had 2 other long term relationships in my life, one that lasted 5 years and the other nearly 8, both wonderful, even though they didn't last. Looking back on it, however, I know why they failed, so I'm just going to throw my 2 cents in on this thing, and just say a couple of things from my own perspective.

I think that many people who have longevity in their relationship would probably agree with my broad, generalized statement that, in order for a relationship to survive, you have to continue to grow together. If you don't, you grow apart. When you grow apart, you lose interest and then you lose communication. I do think that compatibility is a big necessity, but that certainly doesn't mean that you always have to see eye to eye on everything. You just have to be able to communicate your differences and be able to listen, hear and understand your partner, and take action to work things out in a lasting, meaningful, mutually accepted way. Mind you, some people, G-d love them, are just pissy communicators. When you get into a relationship with one of these folks, you/they either learn to communicate with them/you or you're doomed. I used to be one of these kinds of folks, but my problem with communication was due to other issues I had going on that I should have worked out before trying to become involved with someone.....anyone, for that matter. That might be the case with some people, too.

It's the little things that break a lot of folks up, I think...the little annoyances and failings and disappointments that are not communicated and worked on that split people up. It's the lack of interest and complacency of accepting the slow spiraling down of communication. In my own experiences, the lack of love was never the issue. There was always plenty of love. It was the communication breakdown that killed the relationship, and this is what is meant, I think, by the phrase "when love is not enough". I think this is what happened to both of the failed long term relationships in my own past. Because of the lack of that communication, we grew complacent (though comfortably so) and thus failed/stopped growing together.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents, for what it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. I, too, am interested in hearing what the other folks have to say on this.

~Theo~ :bouquet:

..... thats a awsome post....... and i absolutly belive that .... communication . is the no#1 thing in any relationship...

..btw.. your frogs are soo cute:)

[cinderella]

Kudos to Theoddz for that awesome post. I am in complete accord with what you've said here.

My usual cutting points in LTR's has been 5 years. My last one the exception - that lasted 12 years. Talk about non-communication, and complacency! That relationship should've ended after the 3rd year. The sex & romantic love had flown out the window by then. We stayed together for all the wrong reasons -financial, fear of being alone (her fear), co-dependency on may levels, and a myriad of other reasons. I stood it for as long as I could, then one day walked out.

I have always been a very independent, self-sufficient person - relying on no one for anything. Those defences broke down during that relationship, and I found myself being dependent on her for many things that were begrudingly given. I guess I finally picked myself up by my own bootstraps, and said 'no more'. I took myself out of it, and never looked back. That was 8 years ago, and since I've had many dates, and 'online' romances, but nothing ever came of any of it. So I am alone, and believe dating & romance is something for others and not for me...and please, I'm tired of the old cliche - "when you stop looking, it'll happen." Really, that's gotton very old now...

Anyway, M'Star, I don't have anything constructive or enlightening to add to the thread - just a story of failed relationships, but I too came in here hoping to find the 'magic' formula, lol.

[blush]

I don't think that longevity is necessarily the lifeblood of any relationship. How many of us know very many long-term couples that are truly happy?

Happy is simply happy. I've been in relationships that were happy and complete for just a little while. I've had relationships change into friendships. I've had relationships that just needed to end. All had various lifespans.

It isn't a contest to be the "last couple standing." It seems short sighted if our only barometer for a successful relationship is longevity. Isn't the overarching question, "What makes a relationship successful?"

[Lynn]

A long-term relationship may not be everyone's goal, but it sure is the desire of a lot of people. It speaks to stability, and implies reliable love, companionship, and sex. The fact that it often doesn't turn out the way we hope doesn't mean it isn't a worthy desire. So many people, after the ending of a bad relationship, pull away from relationships at all, at least for a time. It takes courage to keep putting yourself out there.

I was in a long-term relationship for over 20 years. That was my marriage, and it was not very happy or satisfying to either of us. I learned a lot, though. I learned that what I thought when I was 12, what my mother ridiculed, is really the truth. Love and happiness are the most important things to me, and that's what a relationship should be based upon. At least, my relationships.

After a number of short relationships, I met my present partner. We will have been together five years in June. Our relationship is not perfect, but we keep getting better together. One thing I learned years ago is that relationships do not continue to exist unless you keep creating them together. It's not hard to grow stagnant, stop communicating, and take each other for granted. We promised each other that we would always be open and honest, that we would keep the romance, and that we would put each other first. So far, that is working for us. We both feel that we love each other more today than yesterday, and we both are still having fun. We laugh all the time.

I guess I'd say that honest communication and treating each other the way we'd want to be treated are the keys in this relationship.

All the best!

[TheBellyBionic]

I would say that longevity and happiness are the two major hallmarks of a successful relationship. For me to consider a relationship successful, both would have to be there. We're coming up on our four year anniversary, and we just keep getting happier.

[nycfem]

BB and I are going on 5 years this summer, and I've never felt happier with our relationship or in any relationship.

I stayed in a lot of unhealthy relationships for too long, and I think that the first thing to do is to not waste time in bad relationships. I know it sounds obvious but how many of us see ourselves or our friends using up precious days/months/years of lives in unhealthy relationships? If there is not room for the right one to come in, then the right one could pass you by. We can't do much about who we meet but what we can do is end it right away when it's apparent that we are not being treated with love and decency. I emphasize this because I think it was my problem for a long time.

Some of it, I think, is pure luck! At the beginning, the scary part of all relationships is that it feels so good because there's a lot of lust and not much knowledge of who the real person is. It's over time that we find out if we've found a true gem who is our missing puzzle piece or if we've become attached to something that's leading down a toxic spiral. Luckily in BB I learned that I was with someone who has a truly good heart. BB is mature, kind, caring, funny, stable, interesting, and committed to bettering the world.

BB values our relationship and has taught me that there is a fair way to argue, and that low blows are never okay. For those of us who have never had a healthy, truly joyous relationship, the first one can take a lot of getting used to! It was disorienting not to have the drama, and I feel like each year I relax more into the bliss of a happy relationship! It almost feels surreal to me to be settled into a relationship where I am more deeply in love and happy every year. It's not what I grew up with, and it actually took awhile to accept that I deserve this, as everyone does, and that it's real.

True commitment is another aspect of our relationship that works for us. We don't go back and forth about "forever" ever. It's only within that safe cocoon of "I'm never giving up on us" that we are able to take the risks in sharing our wants and needs, knowing the other will not laugh or run and that if we argue, it's part of the process as opposed to a possible path to an end. I grew into that mindset slower than BB, but once I was there, our relationship was able to go to new levels of depth because we both felt safe.

I've also noticed that ridding the relationship of others, whether family or friends, who for whatever reason do not support the relationship or contribute toxicity to it helps our relationship to thrive. When I am wondering whether someone belongs in our life, I imagine that individual in the audience at our wedding, and I ask myself, what would that person be thinking. Would they be truly happy for us and support us through times when we had conflicts? Do they respect one of us but not the other? It's the people who I know in my heart support each of us as individuals as well as our union that I want in our inner circle.

To me this long-term, happy relationship gets easier over time, not harder. A great relationship is not one that is a constant struggle. Yes, there is always work to keep a relationship thriving, but by far the majority of our time is spent enjoying each other and being at peace. We stay up too late on work nights laughing as we joke around and cuddle. We are both elated when we have a snow day off from work to spend the whole day together. I tear up when I think about how much each moment together means to me.

I think it's possible for all of us to find the love we dream about, the kind that grows over the years. Have faith, never settle, and when you find it, :welcome:

[MsTinkerbelly]

What are the secrets to a long-term relationship...

My Kasey and I have been together for nearly 8 years; married in California during the 2008 Summer of love when it was legal.

We nearly lost each other during a very rough time...my mental illness (BPD) and outside influences nearly ended us for good. For better or for worse....that thought makes you work HARD on yourself and your relationship. Constant work on communication, and endless days of laughter and loving together, are a receipe for much happiness.

We live a very full life together, and the most important thing for us both is remembering we are the core unit of our family. If the core unit is not taken care of and nurtured, there is no possibility of growing and changing together. I have great examples of long loving marriages in my live...and frankly some really bad ones as well. In all of the failed relatinships there is a consistant theme of broken communication and the lack of nurturing of the "Us".

[redrose]

I don't know if my relationship would count. We've been together for 15yrs but she died last 2009, so we're no longer together, does that count?

Secret for a long term relationship? I really don't know. Probably it would be respect, honesty, communication and the decision to love each other. And if you had disagreements or fights, never end the day not talking about it. Make each day as if it is the last day that you'll be together. My butch and I, knew that our relationship was not accepted by society so we were always thinkin that it would end somehow. We were so scared, that we kept holding on to each other each day. The lucky part is that no one did judged us or did say anything against us. Probably because we both respect each other that much. The world realized that I love my butch that much because she was the only relationship that I had. What ever was the secret of our long term relationship, I think my butch was the one responsible for that, because if it was me, I could find another and have a relationship again like that, but I don't think I can find another one like her.

I hope I did answer your question partially, because I really don't know what was her secret. I just felt that I was the most important person in her life and even now that she's gone, I know she never left me.

[Medusa]

Jack and I have been friends for 11 years and in a relationship for 6 of those 11 years.

Our particular secret is that we were friends first. That before the physical attraction was even given space we truly enjoyed each other's company. We make each other laugh on a daily basis and we also have autonomy which means I get to have my "me" space when I need it and she goes fishing.

We have argued with one another like any other couple does and had to work on arguing in the most humane way possible but both of us being committed to having the arguement without emotionally damaging the other person is the #1 thing that helps us along the rough spots.

Even after all this time we still laugh, dance with one another, have lots of sex, and go exploring together with the same energy and passion we had when we first met.

The secret is that when you figure out that loving someone isn't just about making yourself feel good, but really and truly being concerned and invested in the other person's emotional health and happiness, everything else just falls into place.

<3

[Daywalker]

We are going on 8 years now.
:rose:

Yesterday we laughed very hard together.
:rofl:

At each other, of course...but still.

:|

I'll be back tomorrow to expand,
gotta get ready for Robert Plant this evening.

:guitar:

:daywalker:

[Toughy]

I had a 16 yr marriage and we broke up. It was great, but it was also time for us to part. I consider it a very successful relationship even though it ended. I learned a couple of things:

* Never go to sleep pissed off at each other.

* You must do at least one (mostly two) of 'the Ps' at all times. The Ps are: picking up after yourself, paying your part of the bills, and putting out (sex).

[betenoire]

There is no secret. There just isn't. Things work out until they don't work out any more. And it's okay for things to stop working out - it happens. Sometimes when a relationship ends it isn't because the relationship went bad - sometimes it's just because the relationship went...over.

People are agents of constant change - that doesn't stop happening after your mid 20s. Sometimes people change together, and sometimes they change in different directions. And that's okay, too.

But this much I do know: If you want a hope in hell of things making it passed the 2-3 year mark you -have- to have similar life priorities. City mouse can only stay with country mouse for so long. Simple-life mouse can only put up with materialistic mouse for so long. Wants to throw down and work shit out mouse can only deal with sweep it under the rug until it goes away mouse for so long.

[PapaC]

I'm into my 9th year, soon to be 5 years married, and still very much a long distance relationship.

Right now, it's very tough. very tough.

But there's something to be said when one can still see the love, and still feel the magic in the middle of the toughest times of a relationship.

Any pearls of wisdom I may have to add, have already been expressed by my friends who previously posted.

cheers folks. I rarely come on here, but grateful when I do.

xoxo

[FR]

at this point in my life i just want one of the pointy hats

[lionpaw]

hmmmmmmmm heh . welllllll ....... was hoping for a couple responses of some sort..... lol
guess there r .....no......... couples here 5 yrs or better.... together.

Oh, I misunderstood what I perceived this thread was all about....I thought it was for other long term couples interacting with one another.....Sorry folks....

[Tcountry]

I'll try to summarize my 7 yr past relationship & my folks almost 35 yrs I currently use as my guide.

-Be friends, do stuff together, enjoy eachother, and always have "us" time
-Be ok with doing stuff apart, hobbies & "me time"
-Communicate, be honest & fight fair, don't assume any big decision
-Trust, not only eachother...but also don't be so afraid of loosing them that u end up pushing them away
-Compromise...always
-Keep the sparks & romance alive...don't ever take eachother for granted
-Don't be afraid to be affectionate or silly together... any time any where

[DamselFly]

i've had 3 long-term relationships. the first was my with my first real love, in undergrad and grad school. it ended badly, through no fault of our own. her father, a powerful judge, found out about us, put her into a mental heal institution against her will, and, when she got out, virtually imprisoned her. she eventually committed suicide. i grieved for a long time before being able to love again.
my 2nd was with an abusive alcoholic. we were together 10 years, the last part of which was b/c i was too scared to leave. we tried therapy several times, but hy wasn't willing to change in any way. hy insisted that our problems were all w/me, and if i'd just do everything the way hy wanted me to, we'd be just fine. eventually hys control turned into outright physical abuse and threats to kill me if i tried to leave. when i DID leave and went two states away, hy found and stalked me. that's one reason i didn't return to VA-i am concerned that hy still might be there and now am no longer under the protection of my last ex.
my last ex and i were also together for 10 years. that relationship went extremely well. unfortunately, it eventually fell apart under the weight of our combined illnesses. in the end, i felt more like hys caretaker than hys partner. i was exhausted and almost at the point of dying so had to leave in the end, with hys blessing and good will. we still talk regularly and write. we are best friends and still part of each other's "family".
i'd say that in my experience, the best glue for a relationship is a firm foundation of friendship, which includes communication, communication, and communication. this level of communication involves both self-knowledge and trust and other-knowledge and other-trust. i agree that some basic shared ground is also important. for example, i doubt an avowed environmentalist devoted to the simple life would be happy with a materialist devoted to the acquisition of more and more. there has to be shared common ground. another example, if one had camping and living an active life as priorities to do with a loved one, then getting involved with one who could not or was not interested in this would not make a good match. yes, i know that sometimes opposites DO attract. but unless they develop a very strong friendship and find some shared values, then i don't give the relationship much chance of long-term survival. for me, in a relationship, romantic love waxes and wanes, wanes and waxes, but if a strong friendship is there to keep things going during the waning times, and communication to say, "i'm still here", and trust in each other to stay during the waning times and wait or make a waxing time, the relation will likely last.
my 2 cents.
namaste,
DamselFly :moonstars:

[Scorp]

LaDivina and I have been in our relationship for 9 years. I can't believe it's already been 9 years. Seems like yesterday that we got together.

Let me begin by saying this:

My parents had a very, very rocky marriage from the time I was 4 years old. I grew up in a home of constant arguing and remember the silence days on end. I was 16 years old when they finally divorced. I always vowed that whomever I ended up with, I would never, ever want this to happen in my relationship. I've always been conscious of not taking someone for granted.

For those of you who know us, we are VERY opposite. And, as the saying goes, "opposites attract" so very true. I'm the savage beast with a temper and who is outspoken and bounce of the walls with hyperactivity and I swear like a truck driver. I love to laugh and make people laugh. I'm just an overall crazy bastid.

My honey knows how to handle me. When I'm a bear she makes me see the beauty in things and calms this savage beast. She also keeps me grounded and just a loving soul who I adore, very gentle, very kind. I've been blessed! I mean c'mon people if I were with anyone like myself, lord have mercy, run for the hills!

Anyway.....Of course we have disagreements, very heated debates and argue. I admit it, I can be a real fucker and you know what, she accepts me for me and knows once I vent, it's over and done with. I tell ya the woman is a saint. Bottom line, we know how to say i'm sorry and move on and accept each other for who we are.

We truly have a wonderful relationship and we love life with one another. First and foremost, we're best friends, love hanging out with each other, and give each other our independence. We're very supportive of one another when it comes to ideas, situations and communication. It's never a one way street and we respect each other. And I'm not going to discuss our bedroom stuff. All I'm saying is that we 'ahem' are both Scorpios. :sunglass:

Lastly, I/we know what we have in our relationship and I will continue to say: When you have something good DON'T FUCK IT UP!

P.S. One small detail: WE'RE GETTING MARRIED MAY 14TH!

[Toughy]

damn Scorp................9 years already????????? I remember when you two got together..........

congratulations and best wishes

[Scorp]

Yep Tough. Hard to believe it's been 9 years already. Seems like so long ago.

Thanks for the congrats and well wishes. :hangloose:


damn Scorp................9 years already????????? I remember when you two got together..........

congratulations and best wishes

[bigbutchmistie]

LaDivina and I have been in our relationship for 9 years. I can't believe it's already been 9 years. Seems like yesterday that we got together.

Let me begin by saying this:

My parents had a very, very rocky marriage from the time I was 4 years old. I grew up in a home of constant arguing and remember the silence days on end. I was 16 years old when they finally divorced. I always vowed that whomever I ended up with, I would never, ever want this to happen in my relationship. I've always been conscious of not taking someone for granted.

For those of you who know us, we are VERY opposite. And, as the saying goes, "opposites attract" so very true. I'm the savage beast with a temper and who is outspoken and bounce of the walls with hyperactivity and I swear like a truck driver. I love to laugh and make people laugh. I'm just an overall crazy bastid.

My honey knows how to handle me. When I'm a bear she makes me see the beauty in things and calms this savage beast. She also keeps me grounded and just a loving soul who I adore, very gentle, very kind. I've been blessed! I mean c'mon people if I were with anyone like myself, lord have mercy, run for the hills!

Anyway.....Of course we have disagreements, very heated debates and argue. I admit it, I can be a real fucker and you know what, she accepts me for me and knows once I vent, it's over and done with. I tell ya the woman is a saint. Bottom line, we know how to say i'm sorry and move on and accept each other for who we are.

We truly have a wonderful relationship and we love life with one another. First and foremost, we're best friends, love hanging out with each other, and give each other our independence. We're very supportive of one another when it comes to ideas, situations and communication. It's never a one way street and we respect each other. And I'm not going to discuss our bedroom stuff. All I'm saying is that we 'ahem' are both Scorpios. :sunglass:

Lastly, I/we know what we have in our relationship and I will continue to say: When you have something good DON'T FUCK IT UP!

P.S. One small detail: WE'RE GETTING MARRIED MAY 14TH!

You sound like me. Im an beast as well. I have a temper too cuss like a sailor and am very high strung. I ain't met a femme yet that can tame this beast lol Thanks for your story.

[bigbutchmistie]

My stupid phone wouldn't let me add it on my post above lol But many congrats Scorp :)

[Scorp]

Heh..Yeah but i'm sure you have some great qualities too. Trust me, there's someone out there for you. Like I keep saying, it happens when you're not looking and when you least expect it. Corny saying, but true.

Thanks for the Congrats.

You sound like me. Im an beast as well. I have a temper too cuss like a sailor and am very high strung. I ain't met a femme yet that can tame this beast lol Thanks for your story.

[bigbutchmistie]

Heh..Yeah but i'm sure you have some great qualities too. Trust me, there's someone out there for you. Like I keep saying, it happens when you're not looking and when you least expect it. Corny saying, but true.

Thanks for the Congrats.


Thanks but I'm soooooooo not looking

[DamselFly]

congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, Scorp! after all the hard work you two have already done to make your relationship work, i know it will be a good one!
namaste,
DamselFly

[Daywalker]

This is what Long Term Love looks like for Us:

:rose:


http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/gallery/data/500/Us6.jpg

:rrose:

:daywalker:

[FR]

How's that workin' for ya? ;)

-working fine thanks-i sit with my point hat in my underwear and socks and watch porn on computer and 5 minutes later things are fine-no one gets upset-no morning awkwardness and i still look good in my hat.

[FR]

LaDivina and I have been in our relationship for 9 years.

P.S. One small detail: WE'RE GETTING MARRIED MAY 14TH!

--po po LaD- I MEAN CONGRATS!(smirk)

[Glenn]

30+years.
Were friends first.
Comittment-Pledged non-legal loyalty in a private ceremony
Freedom and Respect for each other's lifepaths.
Attraction-Good to look at, fun in bed.
Truthfulness
Trust
Financial Security-we contributed what we could/had.
And that's all it takes (if she/he doesn't drive you totally f****** crazy)!

[Scorp]

--po po LaD- I MEAN CONGRATS!(smirk)

Froogle, with a crotchety attitude like that, no wonder why your relationship is "dead" as you have noted in your "relationship status"! :cracked:

[morningstar55]

congrads.. Scorp
and tooo the
Daywalkers you 2 are an awsome couple.:).
:wine: :)

[FR]

Froogle, with a crotchety attitude like that, no wonder why your relationship is "dead" as you have noted in your "relationship status"! :cracked:


-scorp u know i kid-congrats to u 2-i just cant believe its been 9 years! i missed something.. oh wait i'm dead i forget
---love FR(confirmed butchlor)

[Tawse]

this thread has been dead for a bit but here I am anyway lol

There has been a lot of good thoughts and tips given thus far and I don't really have too much to add - just maybe in a different phrasing.

Find someone who compliments your neuroses / issues. LOL for example, Gillian is an absolute control freak - so look at me, I don't want much control at all. We go well.

I am (not as much now due to meds, yay!) very stubborn and aggressive minded when it comes to pushing my point of view. She is very calm cool and collected, and speaks to me in my language so I can get it.

I have issues sometimes with my moods (BiPolar) and she can let me know in a way that doesn't strike me as patronizing or threatening - that maybe I need to talk to the shrink about my meds - or maybe what I'm feeling as a "hard cold truth" is more in the chemicals in my brain. I trust her unconditionally. Even if we argue there is no doubt that she would never do me intentional harm.

She has some issues with low level hoarding - I keep that in check by asking her politely if she really needs said item. She also has a box that she puts her "I'm going to scrapbook this" items into - only one box. Also - if I get her ok, I will "get rid of" stuff she has a problem with getting rid of - when she goes to work.

You just have to find that right person who keeps your insanity in check - and doesn't make you feel less of a person when they acknowledge you're a bit insane...

also...

Gillian read an article once that suggested that the thing you were attracted to the most in your partner - would eventually become the thing that annoyed you the most in later years.

It's a fun point to ponder and holds some truth (though not entirely) in ours.

[Estella]

Gillian read an article once that suggested that the thing you were attracted to the most in your partner - would eventually become the thing that annoyed you the most in later years.

That's a scary thought.

My wife and I have been together now for eleven years; we were legally married on our 7th anniversary, so we didn't bother starting the count over. Our thought was that if we could have been married sooner, we would have been.

But people who are just meeting us are stunned that we've been together for more than ten years. Superficially, we are nothing alike at all. The little woman is butch to the point of routinely being "sir-ed" pretty much everywhere. I take it for granted at this point that she'll need me to run interference in any public ladies room. She is a union carpenter with a high school education who doesn't read books and gets offended if the waiter places the napkin on her lap for her. I am a power-suit Femme working in a Five-Star hotel with a Masters Degree and a weak spot for luxury and intuitive service. So what gives.

If I had to try to identify what has kept us together for so long, I'd have to say that we just really really like each other. We laugh - a lot. Mostly at one another, but neither of us take ourselves too seriously. We share a sense of humor, a similar value system, and a complementary world view. We both see the good before the bad; our glasses are always half-full. We both love animals, action movies, and sushi. And yes, she's learning to appreciate life's little luxuries - and I'm always up for a snog in the truck.

[Tawse]

That's a scary thought.

My wife and I have been together now for eleven years; we were legally married on our 7th anniversary, so we didn't bother starting the count over. Our thought was that if we could have been married sooner, we would have been.

But people who are just meeting us are stunned that we've been together for more than ten years. Superficially, we are nothing alike at all. The little woman is butch to the point of routinely being "sir-ed" pretty much everywhere. I take it for granted at this point that she'll need me to run interference in any public ladies room. She is a union carpenter with a high school education who doesn't read books and gets offended if the waiter places the napkin on her lap for her. I am a power-suit Femme working in a Five-Star hotel with a Masters Degree and a weak spot for luxury and intuitive service. So what gives.

If I had to try to identify what has kept us together for so long, I'd have to say that we just really really like each other. We laugh - a lot. Mostly at one another, but neither of us take ourselves too seriously. We share a sense of humor, a similar value system, and a complementary world view. We both see the good before the bad; our glasses are always half-full. We both love animals, action movies, and sushi. And yes, she's learning to appreciate life's little luxuries - and I'm always up for a snog in the truck.

Yeah we have been together 14 - married for 4 and yeah I'm not starting over - for pretty much the same reasons.

completely agree with everything you say... except the half full thing.. I have a cup called the "pessimists cup" that has a line drawn half way down - and well I'm sure you get the rest.

You can't take away my pessimistic world view! ;) lol


That being said - I think the answer to longevity and probably even world peace is "Sushi".

[Estella]

That being said - I think the answer to longevity and probably even world peace is "Sushi".

Truer words were never said.

[Gemme]

this thread has been dead for a bit but here I am anyway lol

There has been a lot of good thoughts and tips given thus far and I don't really have too much to add - just maybe in a different phrasing.

Find someone who compliments your neuroses / issues. LOL for example, Gillian is an absolute control freak - so look at me, I don't want much control at all. We go well.

I am (not as much now due to meds, yay!) very stubborn and aggressive minded when it comes to pushing my point of view. She is very calm cool and collected, and speaks to me in my language so I can get it.

I have issues sometimes with my moods (BiPolar) and she can let me know in a way that doesn't strike me as patronizing or threatening - that maybe I need to talk to the shrink about my meds - or maybe what I'm feeling as a "hard cold truth" is more in the chemicals in my brain. I trust her unconditionally. Even if we argue there is no doubt that she would never do me intentional harm.

She has some issues with low level hoarding - I keep that in check by asking her politely if she really needs said item. She also has a box that she puts her "I'm going to scrapbook this" items into - only one box. Also - if I get her ok, I will "get rid of" stuff she has a problem with getting rid of - when she goes to work.

You just have to find that right person who keeps your insanity in check - and doesn't make you feel less of a person when they acknowledge you're a bit insane...

also...

Gillian read an article once that suggested that the thing you were attracted to the most in your partner - would eventually become the thing that annoyed you the most in later years.

It's a fun point to ponder and holds some truth (though not entirely) in ours.

Gillian and I might be related.

:blink:

[bbdoll]

subscribing....im learning so much from u guys.

[Ravenouss]

21 years here.

Our secret: patience and a certain dose of mutual freedom

Remember that a kingdom might have many princesses/princes, but only one Queen/King...

[stephfromMIT]

Mandy and I have been together 8 years. We do it by loving and honoring our differences, but accentuating what we have in common.

[Mrs Arcstriker]

Easy enough...

Arc and I are the center of our family. We adore one another, and we are a really united front.

That said,

We have two amazingly fantastic adult daughters. They were mine by a previous marriage to my beloved ex-husband. When I went out to look for a life-partner, the deal-breaker would have been the person that didn't consider the father of my children as a huge part of our family...

To this day...My ex-husband usually interacts with Arcstriker more than he does with me (because of logistics). At our Maureen's college graduation, Arc and I were sitting in wait to see Maureen in her cap and gown after 4+ years of supporting her through college...and the ex-husband came up to us and clapped Arc on the back and said "You two owe yourselves a pat on the back for this..."

My point is this...In our marriage, Arc had the task of meeting us where we grew, and of accepting that this was a really unconventional family...and Arc took the bait and stepped up to the plate to put Maureen through college and to accept our Katie (disabled) as his his own.

Fast-forward to day-to-day life. Arc and I both work ridiculously hard. Financial gain is a family value for us both (and for our kids), and to that end, we are very careful to carefully care for one another. As a couple we both work every second that we can in order to have the things that we want, and not just the things that we need. I am sure that for some this might seem strange but we cherish the fact that we have the means for a rich life, not only emotionally, but also physically.

That said, when we work our asses off, we do so with the promise of reward as a couple. Our work-life renders us pretty well spent, but we take our time as a family enjoying amazing down-time. That means great vacations for the kids, and gifting them with all the things that we never had growing up.

As a couple, we travel once a month ALONE with one-another, and in between times we just enjoy being US...Beloved friends, smokingly hot lovers, and partners in crime. After 8 years we have had COUNTLESS grown-up trips where we enjoy one another without our children...and if it all fell down tomorrow, we would still have the smouldering passion that comes from being new to eachother in that back bedroom.

As I read all I just wrote, I wonder how many people think this is totally fucked-up, but in the end I really don't care. Our day-to-day life survives on the fact that we are always working for the next great adventure. While we wait for the next trip as a couple, the sex only gets hotter, the plans only get bigger, and the LIFE that we have only seems to get sweeter.