Kannon, I have been living as a straight man for over 35 years. Other than this sight, there are less than a handful of people that know I am trans. There are plenty of women whom I dated that don't know. The "reveal" is a delicate situation. For me personally, I don't want people knowing. My family has been supportive of me since my teens, but I don't feel the need for people I won't be involved with long term to know. Because of the type of lifestyle I lead this is just safer for me, in my opinion. Ultimately, only you can make those decisions for yourself within your own comfort zones and mindsets.

Thanks Cocky. It really is up to each individual to decide for themselves. I guess I'll play it by ear and wait for the right moment to reveal that part of myself.

I agree with Cocky, you have to do what you think is right and comfortable to you.

I am upfront about being trans, I believe in honesty and if women run off, well as my friends say often, it's their loss.

Hey, J. Mason. I am just thinking out loud here....but, I am wondering if it would be different for you if you were taking hormones and were read as male?

Isn't it kind of a different situation from those who are taking hormones? They are read as male and have to tell someone that they were assigned female at birth. You are seen as female and have to tell someone that inside you are male. The women that each of you are coming out to are coming from opposite places.

Make sense? No disrespect meant, I am just thinking outloud here and wondering your thoughts on this.

I am read as male to most people, to some I am not. It would prolly be a different situation but I can only speak for myself, when I do get everything done (surgeries and hormones, etc) I will still be open and honest about who I am, no holds barred.

The ladies that I have told about myself knew me when I ID'ed as butch, have been pretty accepting about it, maybe it is because they have taken it upon themselves to educate themselves about transmen and the things it encompasses.

Again I can only speak for myself.

Got it. Thanks for your thoughts.

I believe in honesty as well. I'm not sure what you mean by being upfront. Do you tell women the day you meet them?

For me, I will not share personal information with someone until I've developed a certain level of trust. I've met some women that proved to be very untrustworthy. I've learned to take my time and watch people's behavior rather than listen to their words. After a period of time I really get to know what that person is made of. I don't listen to what other people say about them. I base my opinions on my own observations and experiences with them.

I will share this aspect of myself after I've developed a bond with someone.

I've always wondered about that! (the guys 'revealing' themselves bit)

My husband met all his women online where they were able to discuss his gender before meeting, so has no idea how other guys do it.

Not long before my current relationship began, a friend of mine had a similar experience with an MTF who wasn't honest prior to them falling into bed. At the time I was shocked, wondering why anyone would deceive another human being in such a way. Now I can kinda understand how hard it would be to say the words, 'I like you but..'

You are welcome!


Yeah pretty much I tell em upfront so I do not have to deal with any issues that may arise from not telling them sooner. I have heard many horror stories from some transguys about how the ladies react if they are not told sooner.

I guess it depends if you continue to maintain ties with the lgbtq community/if that's where you're looking for relationships/sex or not, or how you view your own status as a trans person. Personally, I don't see it as something that one would go out of their way to hide from someone unless you might be putting your safety at risk, as it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I can understand if someone is strictly living stealth as some choose to and is looking for relationships with straight women rather than queer women. That would make it more difficult, imo, since often straight women don't have the same experiences and are pretty tied to certain rigid worldviews. I guess it all depends on the person you're interested in.

It really depends on a lot of different factors.

For my personal situation, I'm not going out of my way to hide and I'm not going out of my way to reveal it. I'm being me. I don't think I need to tell strangers that I'm trans just like I don't feel compelled to tell them that I'm of Scottish decent or any thing else that's not relevant to the moment. The "moment" being the early stages of a relationship. I choose to introduce acquaintances to my sense of humor and my laid back nature. I reveal more as I develop trust and feel more comfortable around them.

So I was recently in a situation at work, that I felt was some what relevant to the current topic at hand about revealing yourself to another person. Now I am in no way pursuing anything with this woman at my work, just to put that out there, so it makes it slightly different.

I had noticed a few times that this woman had made a reference to the men's room and my having the right parts to go in there (she wanted me to go in there for one reason or another), and it finally occurred to me, was she just referring to me in the way she felt I wanted, or did she really not know? So yesterday I worked up the courage to ask her, and well, I can be pretty direct at times, so I simply asked..."You do know that I am not a biological male right?" She looked very shocked to say the least, her and I had been working right next to each other for at least 3 months, and she had no idea that I was not born with male parts. She apologized of course, I let her know that was not necessary, and explained my situation to her. Sure, it was awkward, but for me personally, I feel it needed to be done. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea, especially since I do not use the men's room at work for a multitude of reasons and I did not want her to be uncomfortable if we ran into each other in the restroom.

So, while it does make me uncomfortable to have to out myself to people, I think there is also times where it might be necessary to do so. I don't think its deceiving to not tell someone right up front, or dishonest. I think depending upon the situation, especially if there is going to be any sort of intimacy involved though, that it is only right I tell the person before it gets to the point of us being intimate. That is just how I feel though, and what I feel is right for me. It of course could be very different for someone else and they may not feel it necessary at all to tell someone, and that is their choice as well.

Ok guys need opinions, should I start a thread of images of transguys, like the images of women thread on here? Who would yall want to see pics of and in any particular stages of transitioning?

Any suggestion and such are welcome.

I agree with you as well, I just wanted to get some more opinions on the matter.

I guess I'm putting this in the framework of dating members of the queer community. If I'm dating a femme, she's probably going to know quickly that I'm trans, not because I've announced it through a loud speaker or tattooed it on my forehead, but because queer dating usually comes with the assumption that the other person is also somehow queer. Especially if we met in a queer environment, which is most likely. That's what I'm talking about when I'm talking about it depending on whether you're living stealth or not. I would understand if a guy is living stealth and dating non-queer women why the subject wouldn't come up. But in a queer atmosphere where someone isn't stealth, then "queer" is still going to be an unspoken factor unlike in the hetero world where the assumption is that you're straight.

Hopefully that makes more sense.

kannon mentioned that the woman was straight. Wasn't that kind of the point of the question?? He was talking non-queer context. right? :confused:

please help a butch chick understand!
 

I have a question that I hope is not impolite but Im not sure. OK so firstly here are my assumptions. Please, please please correct me if I'm wrong!
1. Trans guys are born female but feel male/masculine inside and therefore change the outside to match their 'inner man'. 2. This can be achieved with or without surgery and/or with or without T. 3. This is a big assumption - when you identify as a trans male you are either a straight man or a gay man. Now to my question which I hope will make sense ..... Can body dysphoria be different to sexual/gender identity? I have been watching youtube and have been following some of the trans guys, and one guy's latest update (he has been on T and had top surgery) stated that he identifies as trans but also female and femme. I just can't seem to get my head around it and thought you guys might be able to help. If you want the link let me know and I'll PM it for you if that will help. Thanks guys.

I would like the link. Please and thank you! :)

Well the kid seems to have a very strong sense of self and that's awesome. I don't identify as femme or female so I can't wrap my mind around that either but maybe Jude is a case where body dysphoria can be different to sexual/gender. Anorexia is about body image and it crosses sexual and gender lines as well. Jude feels very human to me and appears to see a lot of things as constructs (I agree with Jude). Thanks for sharing the video.