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Old 11-05-2009, 07:51 AM   #1
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Default Ask a trans person!

Rather than make it specific to FTMs or MTFs, figured one thread should suffice. So, all those embarrassing questions you wanted to ask but figured or knew were kinda impolite, ask here. No guarantees you'll get an answer but you can ask.
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Old 11-05-2009, 08:26 AM   #2
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Thanks for starting this one, Linus. I think it's hugely important that we all find safe areas to discuss the hard questions. And for some, this is a really hard question.
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Old 11-05-2009, 11:50 PM   #3
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Thumbs up

I personally also want to thank you for starting this thread Linus. I have been going through alot lately when it comes to questioning My gender, and after going to an FTM group meeting at the local GLBT community center this past Tuesday I feel that I am more sure about alot of things than I was before. I sat among eight FTM's and listened to their struggles, their coming out stories, how they feel now and felt before about their change and even though most of them were on T and have been for awhile I felt Myself nodding and identifying with each of them.

I guess I have a few questions that I will start out with, since I know that we have all started somewhere. I'll begin with just a few basic ones:

1) When did you begin feeling like you were different?

2) Did you always know that you should have been born the opposite sex, or did that come abit later though you always knew you were different?

3) When did you decide to come out, and how did you come out?


I am out as trans (FTM) to certain people that I know online as well as those at the FTM group I attended but not to anyone else. A big part of Me wants to come out to family and friends so I can finally outright be who I am on the inside, but there is still that part of Me that is scared to do so. I am really looking to just connect with other FTM's (as well as MTF's) and relate to those who have gone through the journey, or perhaps those like Me really just beginning it, so that I can know that I'm not alone.
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Old 11-06-2009, 07:37 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by Braedon View Post


I guess I have a few questions that I will start out with, since I know that we have all started somewhere. I'll begin with just a few basic ones:

1) When did you begin feeling like you were different?

2) Did you always know that you should have been born the opposite sex, or did that come abit later though you always knew you were different?

3) When did you decide to come out, and how did you come out?


I am out as trans (FTM) to certain people that I know online as well as those at the FTM group I attended but not to anyone else. A big part of Me wants to come out to family and friends so I can finally outright be who I am on the inside, but there is still that part of Me that is scared to do so. I am really looking to just connect with other FTM's (as well as MTF's) and relate to those who have gone through the journey, or perhaps those like Me really just beginning it, so that I can know that I'm not alone.
1. I've always felt different but didn't have the language to describe it. When I was finally introduced to the concept of an FTM and what it entailed I began to wonder if that was my path. The more I investigated and heard the histories of other FTMs that seemed to flow along the same lines as mine, the more I thought that perhaps this was the path.

2. I suppose I knew but never admitted it to myself. It was something I hid deep down and was shameful of for many, many years.

3. I came out at age 37 and I used a well crafted email to friends. A year later I did the same to my work colleagues (I rarely see them other than a major gathering). Since I'm in IT, far from family and we use email as our main method of communication it worked and made sense as the method of communication.

I can't comment specifically for you but I know for me there was a point where living two lives didn't work any more for me. And I had to be one person finally, the person that my ID/Ego had been seeing itself as for a long time.

HTH
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Old 11-06-2009, 08:34 PM   #5
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Smile Chaz Bono & Answers to Braedon's Questions

Did anyone catch the interview with Diane Sawyer (I think it was her)? I loved what he said this was the first time he was living in his body for the first time. And he received shaving products for his 40th birthday. Now that would definitely put a huge smile on my face.

Braedon:

1. I always knew I was a boy. In fact, I used to get on my knees and pray to God to change me when I went to bed. I thought I would wake up with a penis and testicles. When that didn't happen, I took my older brothers jock strap and filled it up with my jock socks. I used safety pins to hold it up.

2. I was called by my male nickname since I was in elementary school. It was the only thing that could link my mind, body, and soul together at this point in time. I would always play with "male" toys like cars, trucks, guns, etc. I never was interested in Barbie, or girlie things. And clothes, I always wore masculine clothes, and when I was buying my own clothes they all came from the men's dept.

When puberty hit, it was nothing short of hell. I felt like I had a piano on my chest. Then the next blow wouldn't come until I had top surgery, which was botched.

3. I came out as gay first, then trans. It was a matter of time. Feeling things out for myself. As time went on, I knew I had to do what I always wanted too. Maybe selfish of me, but we only have one life to live. So, I say live and let live.

Alot of folks may not like me because I don't take "t", but then again, they don't have my body or my health. I don't feel like I have to explain my medical history online to explain my body. It is what it is. I have paid cold hard cash for the surgeries I have had so far.

Andrew
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Old 11-06-2009, 09:12 PM   #6
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Braedon proposes some great questions.

I felt different starting at the age of four.
I have never felt like a woman and I lived a double for about 35 years.
Misery.
I realize the community I'm in, but truth be told, I cannot make love or share headspace with other women as a woman. My attraction has to include that counterbalance of male to female energy. That's why I don't get being a lesbian, and I don't care for the word pertaining to me at all because that's not what I am.

Recently, I came out as a trans to one of my family members who didn't bat an eye.

I will commence with T in January provided there are no more hitches and there have been many. But transitioned or not I will always ID as male because of the person and how I'm wired within.
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Old 11-06-2009, 09:45 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Ol' Jet View Post
Braedon proposes some great questions.

I felt different starting at the age of four.
I have never felt like a woman and I lived a double for about 35 years.
Misery.
I realize the community I'm in, but truth be told, I cannot make love or share headspace with other women as a woman. My attraction has to include that counterbalance of male to female energy. That's why I don't get being a lesbian, and I don't care for the word pertaining to me at all because that's not what I am.

Recently, I came out as a trans to one of my family members who didn't bat an eye.

I will commence with T in January provided there are no more hitches and there have been many. But transitioned or not I will always ID as male because of the person and how I'm wired within.
Jet, good to see you guy. Congrats on making your decision to move forward. I started to take T 18 months ago at the ripe old age of just past 50. If you ever want to talk about it, hit me with a pm.

P.S. This is my maiden post on this site. I guess you could say I just gave you my innocence?
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Old 11-06-2009, 09:55 PM   #8
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Hey Greyson good to see you here. I'm interested in all kinds of input. I found my doctor and a therapist....well, the therapist..I'm trying to nail down btween a few of them because of location, insurance issues and so forth.

But I'd welcome input on the actual transition process from someone who is not clinical, but experiential. The other thing is i'm looking into support groups here in Atlanta.
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Old 11-07-2009, 07:29 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Braedon View Post


1) When did you begin feeling like you were different?

2) Did you always know that you should have been born the opposite sex, or did that come abit later though you always knew you were different?

3) When did you decide to come out, and how did you come out?

1. I have always always always felt different, and like many simply lacked the language. I too had prayed as a child to become the boy I know I am. Of course to no avail.

2. Yes. I remember being confused because I didnt understand the girls, and always hanging out with the boys. In my 20's I began to learn about trans stuff and I've slowly begun to grasp at the language to explain myself.

3. The only people who know me as trans are in my comfort zone. I can out queer to friends at 15, family at 18 and 20. I am hesitant to come out to family as trans even though I am fairly sure they will be fine with it. I'm pretty anti-emotion and I hate the idea that I *may* make my mother cry. I hope not, but still.

Linus.. thanks for the thread!
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Old 11-08-2009, 05:05 AM   #10
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Default Hi, just joined the site...............

Quote:
Originally Posted by Braedon View Post
]

Its always interesting to hear others experiences...........good thread


1) When did you begin feeling like you were different?.........

I didnt know i was different till as a kid people kept telling me i wasnt a boy...........

2) Did you always know that you should have been born the opposite sex, or did that come abit later though you always knew you were different?

.................never thought about it but felt i was male from very young, buried it, married, came out later in life, went through the stages of thinking im butch etc till the penny dropped..............

3) When did you decide to come out, and how did you come out?

l998 I began my "journey" and 4 yrs ago decided I had to carry on living as male, so with my partners encouragement, for which i will be eternally grateful, I saw a gender specialist and after telling him my background was immediately put onto T, l0 mths later I had my chest op.

I am out as trans (FTM) to certain people that I know online as well as those at the FTM group I attended but not to anyone else. A big part of Me wants to come out to family and friends so I can finally outright be who I am on the inside, but there is still that part of Me that is scared to do so. I am really looking to just connect with other FTM's (as well as MTF's) and relate to those who have gone through the journey, or perhaps those like Me really just beginning it, so that I can know that I'm not alone.
,,,,,,its never easy, i have two grown sons, one who accepts and the other who loves me, we have always been close, but finds it hard to see his "mother" change direction, as before i did look very feminine (purposely) so i respect his feelings and as i see him and his wife/grandchild once every 6 wks or so because they live quite a long way away, i shave closely.....

We all have things to deal with in life and i am lucky this is the only thing i have to think carefully about - I know there are many who have huge problems and that's why these threads are so useful.............
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Old 11-08-2009, 08:59 AM   #11
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{Linus, Braedon, Andrew, Parker, Greyson, Nick, Jaques}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Nice to see you all here! *smiling* It's good that we have the beginnings of a support thread already, a place for comparing notes and such!



{{{{{{{{{{{Arwen}}}}}}}}}}} Nice to see you here too, love--didn't want you to think I was ignoring you!
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Old 11-08-2009, 12:13 PM   #12
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Hi everyone,

I always knew I was different but, like Linus, never had the words. My journey has been gradual (to say the least). Though I will say, in hindsight, I gave every indication of gender dysphoria from a very early age. It was my mother who finally asked me if I wouldn't have been happier if I could have 'become male'. I can remember always wanting to do 'boy things' and wanting to wear 'boy clothes' and wanting 'guy jobs' but my family always seemed to pass it of as 'tomboy syndrome' that would one day pass. It never did. I loved Halloween and was always male; complete with stubble and a bulge. I went through periods of hyper-feminity trying to immerse myself in the feminine thinking I might find something of myself there. Although I made a very pretty girl/woman, I always felt like a drag queen (or worse, like a very queer queer). Over time my wardrobe had less and less female clothing until I only shopped in the men's department. My hair got shorter and shorter until only a barber would do. For younger people this all may sound absurd but being a young person in the 70s ...simple changes like these took tremendous courage (fear coupled with action). Each step was a personal achievement for me.

I started T 3 years ago and felt more 'in focus' within a few weeks. I am very happy with the physical changes I have experienced; i.e. weight redistribution, weight loss, increased strength and endurance, muscle density, and a general sense of emotion centeredness. On the flip side I am finding myself almost too focused and unable to walk away from something I am doing until it is done. It seems to be the opposite of ADD and makes multitasking sort of difficult unless I am able to synchronize the tasks into a logical flow. I used to start things and never got around to finishing them, switching proirities and scuffling from one task to another and would become emotionally overwhelmed ...now everything has to wait it's turn but I do finish everything eventually Anyone else having this experience?

Blue
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Old 11-08-2009, 12:27 PM   #13
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*snip*

For younger people this all may sound absurd but being a young person in the 70s ...simple changes like these took tremendous courage (fear coupled with action). Each step was a personal achievement for me.

*snip*

...now everything has to wait it's turn but I do finish everything eventually Anyone else having this experience?
Such a good point about how it used to be... Like you, I went through a period of time where I tried really hard to embrace being female and a "lesbian". Although I would not say I did it in a hyper-feminine way, I definitely made it a point to try and *not* "hide" my breasts........wore earrings.......stuff like that.

As for the other... I actually have had the opposite experience. I am more inclined to have a few things going on at the same time......spend a little time on refurbishing a dresser.......then work on the yard a little.......starting new little projects here and there.

That was not the case before. Not even close.

Interesting to think about.
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Old 11-08-2009, 12:40 PM   #14
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My responses are in dark red.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Braedon View Post


I guess I have a few questions that I will start out with, since I know that we have all started somewhere. I'll begin with just a few basic ones:

1) When did you begin feeling like you were different?

I've always felt I was different. My oldest sister tells of times as a *baby* when I resisted being put in dresses. As a toddler and kid, I recall loving the attention of women; I remember being in 2nd grade and absolutely hating the fact that the teacher responded to me and Dwayne in two very different ways........and it was obvious we both had a crush on her.


2) Did you always know that you should have been born the opposite sex, or did that come abit later though you always knew you were different?

What I do know is that I always *wished* I had been born the opposite sex. I don't recall thinking I should have been; I don't think my mind worked that way. I just know that my nightly prayers very often consisted of..."Please let me wake up and be a boy, and let it be that I have always been one so no one will notice."

3) When did you decide to come out, and how did you come out?

The decision to move forward took place just about 2-2.5 years ago. It was very gradual for me prior to that.......thinking about it, writing about it, wondering about it, talking myself out of it, talking to others about what it would look like, etc...

I guess the *official* coming out moment would have been when I told my therapist......"Hey, I'm gonna do this, and I might need some help from you along the way."


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Old 11-08-2009, 12:40 PM   #15
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Being a trauma survivor I lived 11 years in seclusion and tried to be a girl. It didn't work for me at all. Eleven years is a long time. Fast forward: I'm planning on starting T in January.
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Old 11-08-2009, 12:43 PM   #16
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Being a trauma survivor I lived 11 years in seclusion and tried to be a girl. It didn't work for me at all. Eleven years is a long time. Fast forward: I'm planning on starting T in January.
I wish you all the best.
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Old 11-08-2009, 02:53 PM   #17
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Being a trauma survivor I lived 11 years in seclusion and tried to be a girl. It didn't work for me at all. Eleven years is a long time. Fast forward: I'm planning on starting T in January.
Congrats and good luck. An exciting life adventure to begin.

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<snip> I used to start things and never got around to finishing them, switching proirities and scuffling from one task to another and would become emotionally overwhelmed ...now everything has to wait it's turn but I do finish everything eventually Anyone else having this experience?

Blue
Not that much because life interferes but I do feel more focused. I have also noticed that it's harder to cry. Some things (like the Humane Society's adoption commercials) used to have me near bawling. Now, barely a tear. In some ways, I don't like this because it makes me feel "unemotional" but perhaps it's more of a narrow set of emotions than before.
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Old 11-08-2009, 03:15 PM   #18
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Thanks for wishing me well. —Parker
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Old 11-08-2009, 04:53 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ol' Jet View Post
Thanks for wishing me well. —Parker
Hey Parker...

Where are you in the name change process (assuming you plan to legally change it)?

Are you pursuing testosterone therapy through your regular doctor or someone new? Or a clinic?

Any thoughts on any surgeries?

I'm not intending to be nosey. Just thought it might generate more conversation on the early stages and, ultimately, help others who mosey into this thread.

I certainly respect your position if you don't care to share that information here.
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Old 11-08-2009, 06:16 PM   #20
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Default trans less the transition

I relate fully to the stories recounted here of "otherness." At a very young age I felt I was miscategorized, and among my earliest memories are those of feeling I was simply not like other kids. Like Thinker, I can recall having the same crushes as the boys in my class - that new student teacher in third grade, my riding instructor when I was 9. Once I began to have sexualized thoughts, I simply knew that one day I would grow up and have a wife, that I would be somebody's husband. When I thought of sex I visualized myself with a penis, fucking a woman. It was tremendously confusing to me when it became apparent that was not the course I would be encouraged (or able) to follow. Moreso, that there was no other course to follow and for a long time that made me feel cheated.

There were the inevitable battles with my mother over hairstyle, clothes, the cowboy boots I never wanted to take off. I preferred to spend time with my dad learning to shoot, practicing archery, building tree houses and tinkering with our train set.

It was the early to mid 1970s and my only introduction to "alternative lifestyles" was through the feminist lesbians "of choice" friends of my parents. That was most decidedly not what I had in mind, because I never saw myself as a female lover of women.

Today, after almost a decade of soul searching, consideration of my history, my future and a plethora of other avenues (you know the drill) I have turned my focus toward embracing this trans creature that I am, as I am. I want to be seen as just what I am - neither man, nor woman in the *conventional* sense. I choose this liminal existence, between worlds. I used to see that to mean I was perpetually on the threshold to some undefined something else, but if transitioning can be seen as a process of aligning our insides and our outsides, then my personal transition has meant recognizing that, for me, there is no "something else," there is only this. And despite the nonsense I sometimes have to put up with - you know the story - most often it feels just exactly right for me.





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