Ask a trans person!

[psykftm]

"For example, I recently bought a swimsuit for the first time since I transitioned. I tried it out this past weekend, at the park pool. Unfortunately, I stayed too long at the pool and managed to obtain a sunburn (not too severe, fortunately). This suit happened to be a one piece swimsuit.

When I went to put on my bra, yesterday, I encountered one of those tiny little details, I'm afraid. As I'm sure that many of you know, it is absolutely NO fun to wear a bra over a sunburn. :P

Don't worry overmuch about the muting of emotions yet. First, hie thee to a gender therapist to help you sort things out. This will help you gain the information that you seem to need, right now. Then you can begin to make any decisions that are needed."

lol on the sunburn, very true. And yeah I wish I would stop stressing myself sleepless over stuff that is 50 steps ahead of myself right now. I looked up the wpath site, but only listed therapists are all the way out in tampa and places far like that, none close to cocoa. I'm hoping my regular therapist will be able to help me through some of it, at least a good vent.

thanks,
-psykbutch

[psykftm]

Hi there,

was curious if anyone went through this aspect of transitioning too...

I have someone in my life who is extremely supportive, and he is actively calling me "he", and "sir" and "young man". So for the first time I'm kinda experimenting with what that feels like for me.

Right now I feel "out of body" with it. I feel angry when someone refers to me as a women, but better and neutral when someone calls me he (unless they truly don't know I'm a female, then I'm really happy). I don't know if that makes any sense.

I guess my question would be, how did it happen that people would refer to you by your preferred/true gender? How did you feel when they started calling you he instead of she, or she instead of he? Who did you tell first? Very curious about anything to do with that experience.

I keep comparing myself to other ftm's I've been acquainted with, they've known since birth and always felt comfortable...from 0-18 though I was raised by grandparents that didn't allow for expression at all, so I'm just now getting to know myself. I actually feel a bit scared when this person calls me he. I don't want to let this person down when he's all sayin "I know your a man". It feels great to hear it, but it also makes me nervous too. Anyone who is now transitioned ever experience that?

There's 19million questions in here, don't think I can help it though lol.
Take care,
-psykbutch

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by psykbutch

"For example, I recently bought a swimsuit for the first time since I transitioned. I tried it out this past weekend, at the park pool. Unfortunately, I stayed too long at the pool and managed to obtain a sunburn (not too severe, fortunately). This suit happened to be a one piece swimsuit.

When I went to put on my bra, yesterday, I encountered one of those tiny little details, I'm afraid. As I'm sure that many of you know, it is absolutely NO fun to wear a bra over a sunburn. :P

Don't worry overmuch about the muting of emotions yet. First, hie thee to a gender therapist to help you sort things out. This will help you gain the information that you seem to need, right now. Then you can begin to make any decisions that are needed."

lol on the sunburn, very true. And yeah I wish I would stop stressing myself sleepless over stuff that is 50 steps ahead of myself right now. I looked up the wpath site, but only listed therapists are all the way out in tampa and places far like that, none close to cocoa. I'm hoping my regular therapist will be able to help me through some of it, at least a good vent.

thanks,
-psykbutch

Hey, psykbutch.

I would suggest contacting the WPATH therapists you found in FL. Ask them if they know of anyone in your area who has worked with transgender people. There are therapists out there who have experience, but don't specialize in gender therapy. The WPATH members may know about them.

Venting to your current therapist is good, but if you were to begin to really consider transitioning, I would strongly suggest seeing a gender therapist if at all possible. I have had/have clients who travel over 2 hours to see me because there is no one in their current area and they went as far as they could (their process), with their current therapist.

Good luck.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by psykbutch

I actually feel a bit scared when this person calls me he. I don't want to let this person down when he's all sayin "I know your a man". It feels great to hear it, but it also makes me nervous too. Anyone who is now transitioned ever experience that?


-psykbutch

I'm not exactly sure why it makes you feel anxious when he calls you that. Perhaps because that doesn't totally fit you and so it doesn't "feel right"? You need to listen to your discomfort and gut response.

I think it is important you don't jump to conclusions about yourself and ask that others don't also. There are lots of people that do not fit in the binary. This is one of the first things I say to clients when I first start working with them. People can come to therapy in angst feeling like they must choose. You don't have to choose. You may be neither. You also may be male or female (the opposite of your assigned birth gender), but it may not suit you to "transition". It is important that people do not see the whole process as linear.

A FTM may decide to not go on hormones. A female bodied person who defines as a female, but who is masculine identified, may decide to go on hormones. A butch may get top surgery, but not define as trans in the slightest.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there are variations of gender. Allow yourself to try ALL of them on.

/rambling pontificating

[Nadeest]

It takes time, psykbush. You are just at the very start of your transition, IF you choose to transition; although it sounds as if you are going to do so. This is NOT an instant or overnight process. Hormones do not magically change your body overnight, nor do you adjust to living as a male ( or female) overnight. It takes even longer for people that knew you as one gender, to begin to see you as another gender. This is a case where the safest thing to do is to take baby steps.

WPATH is not the only source of resources out there, to find a gender therapist, although they can certainly help find you a qualified one. You can also check http://www.drbecky.com/therapists.html , Susan's Place, PFLAG, and your local GLBT center.

Trust me, everyone who has transitioned, at least as an adult, has had to deal with people not recognizing us or accepting us, as our proper gender.

Not everyone knows, since birth, that they are a different gender, then what their bodies are. I didn't start figuring things out until I was in my 40's, although some people that were in my life had noticed that there was something about me, that was different from others.

It might be helpful for you to find a support group in your area. Also, feel free to contact me privately, if you wish to do so. I don't have all the answers, by any means, but I will endeavor to help you find them.

[Nadeest]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I'm not exactly sure why it makes you feel anxious when he calls you that. Perhaps because that doesn't totally fit you and so it doesn't "feel right"? You need to listen to your discomfort and gut response.

I think it is important you don't jump to conclusions about yourself and ask that others don't also. There are lots of people that do not fit in the binary. This is one of the first things I say to clients when I first start working with them. People can come to therapy in angst feeling like they must choose. You don't have to choose. You may be neither. You also may be male or female (the opposite of your assigned birth gender), but it may not suit you to "transition". It is important that people do not see the whole process as linear.

A FTM may decide to not go on hormones. A female bodied person who defines as a female, but who is masculine identified, may decide to go on hormones. A butch may get top surgery, but not define as trans in the slightest.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there are variations of gender. Allow yourself to try ALL of them on.

/rambling pontificating

I agree with Dapper on this. This ain't Pleasantville, and you don't HAVE to be either one or the other. Find out what works for you, please.

[DapperButch]

Nadeest, I didn't even think of other lists besides WPATH...duh!

http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/Therapists.html

http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I'm not exactly sure why it makes you feel anxious when he calls you that. Perhaps because that doesn't totally fit you and so it doesn't "feel right"? You need to listen to your discomfort and gut response.

I think it is important you don't jump to conclusions about yourself and ask that others don't also. There are lots of people that do not fit in the binary. This is one of the first things I say to clients when I first start working with them. People can come to therapy in angst feeling like they must choose. You don't have to choose. You may be neither. You also may be male or female (the opposite of your assigned birth gender), but it may not suit you to "transition". It is important that people do not see the whole process as linear.

A FTM may decide to not go on hormones. A female bodied person who defines as a female, but who is masculine identified, may decide to go on hormones. A butch may get top surgery, but not define as trans in the slightest.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there are variations of gender. Allow yourself to try ALL of them on.

/rambling pontificating

Precisely why I find the binary to be flawed. Humans are complicated creatures and no one human is going to be just like another. We all grow into our skin differently. Which is why I prefer the circle where we all come from and return to. The binary is too constrained to hold the vast array of human nature.

[Nadeest]

DrBeckysList has a lot of useful information and links in it, in addition to the lists of therapists, just so y'all know. I really like some of her articles that are linked there.

[harleycat]

Got a question for you, Leigh... why do you have down that you're femme but yet you posted that you are an out FTM?

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by harleycat

Got a question for you... why do you have down that you're femme but yet you posted that you are an out FTM?

Who are you talking to?

[harleycat]

Dapper butch... I edited it to add th name...it was too Leigh..I'm new here and getting used to this place..lol

[Corkey]

Genders being fluid, that circle thing. I've known Leigh thru several of her markers. I accept who ever she decides she is at anytime she declares who she is. I've known of her sense the dash site. I don't judge who she is, no matter her marker, she is a human being.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I'm not exactly sure why it makes you feel anxious when he calls you that. Perhaps because that doesn't totally fit you and so it doesn't "feel right"? You need to listen to your discomfort and gut response.

I think it is important you don't jump to conclusions about yourself and ask that others don't also. There are lots of people that do not fit in the binary. This is one of the first things I say to clients when I first start working with them. People can come to therapy in angst feeling like they must choose. You don't have to choose. You may be neither. You also may be male or female (the opposite of your assigned birth gender), but it may not suit you to "transition". It is important that people do not see the whole process as linear.

A FTM may decide to not go on hormones. A female bodied person who defines as a female, but who is masculine identified, may decide to go on hormones. A butch may get top surgery, but not define as trans in the slightest.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there are variations of gender. Allow yourself to try ALL of them on.

/rambling pontificating

Dapper, the portion of your post that I highlighted above is the one notion I disagree with. A butch can be Transgender. When you said "Trans"n did you mean Transexual? For me, I am unsure if top surgery and hormones, testosterone, qualifies everyone as transexual. I like some others here see the binary as "flawed." I think the word "inadequate" is a more appropriate word when speaking about the short comings of the binary.

[agape]

I don't know if I belong to this thread... I consider myself transgender of the "genderfluid variety" which basically means that my gender changes with time/situation/ppl I interact with etc...

I think it's great having a thread like that so that ppl can politely ask questions. Better to ask than to assume things, right?

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Greyson

Dapper, the portion of your post that I highlighted above is the one notion I disagree with. A butch can be Transgender. When you said "Trans"n did you mean Transexual? For me, I am unsure if top surgery and hormones, testosterone, qualifies everyone as transexual. I like some others here see the binary as "flawed." I think the word "inadequate" is a more appropriate word when speaking about the short comings of the binary.

Hi, Greyson. All I was saying is that there are butches that get top surgery that do not define as trans. I was not saying a butch can't be transgender (I am one of them!).

A person is who they tell us they are, not what they do or don't do to their bodies.

Meaning, I agree with you!

What I try to get across to clients is that they DON'T have to fit in the binary. Often gender questioning clients come into my office assuming that they have to fit.

Does this clarify things?

P.S. When I use the word "trans" I am including both transgender people and transsexual people (FTM/MTF). I believe that this is the current accepted meaning behind the use of the term trans in the queer community.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by agape

I don't know if I belong to this thread... I consider myself transgender of the "genderfluid variety" which basically means that my gender changes with time/situation/ppl I interact with etc...

I think it's great having a thread like that so that ppl can politely ask questions. Better to ask than to assume things, right?

If you feel like you fit into the thread, than you do!

I am seeing more and more people who define as genderfluid and genderqueer attaching transgender to their identity.

This thread is also a place for people of all identities to ask questions. In fact, that is the point of the thread.

[agape]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

If you feel like you fit into the thread, than you do!

I am seeing more and more people who define as genderfluid and genderqueer attaching transgender to their identity.

This thread is also a place for people of all identities to ask questions. In fact, that is the point of the thread.

Thank you so much DapperButch! You are always very helpful and kind

I don't know where I feel I fit in but I do feel welcome here, both the thread and the site in general. It means a lot to me cause I don't always feel so welcome in my real-life community...

The term transgender confuses me a bit... The way I understand it is as an umbrella term for many types of identities when someone doesn't feel they fit into their at birth assigned gender. I would be most grateful to hear how ppl from the site read that.

[agape]

Originally Posted by Leigh

I guess I have a few questions that I will start out with, since I know that we have all started somewhere. I'll begin with just a few basic ones:

1) When did you begin feeling like you were different?

2) Did you always know that you should have been born the opposite sex, or did that come abit later though you always knew you were different?

3) When did you decide to come out, and how did you come out?

Questions asked a while ago but I would like to answer them from my perspective...

1) When did you begin feeling like you were different?

I've always been treated in ways that made me feel different but didn't really know why. I couldn't tell why I was being called a tomboy, as a kid I didn't think about gender at all...
When I became a teenager I started thinking about gender and how I felt different amounts of boy/girl, different days. At first I assumed that everyone felt like that lol. I couldn't really grasp the idea of having "only" one gender...
Then it has gotten harder the older I became...

2) Did you always know that you should have been born the opposite sex, or did that come abit later though you always knew you were different?

I've always wanted to be treated like the opposite sex. I don't only mean when it comes to gender equality, I mean for example as a kid wanting to have the same toys as the boys, to play with boys rather than girls etc... I often feel I should have been born a boy, the older I get the more often I feel that... But most of the time I feel I don't truly fit in in the gender binary in general. I feel I'm in between genders...

3) When did you decide to come out, and how did you come out?

I didn't really decide to come out, it sort of happened... I was coming out as gay and realized that there was more to the whole thing... It was really a crisis, it's still not easy at times...
I tried telling some friends I trust but felt pressured to transition and judged about my feminine looks and behavior. It seems hard to explain the concept of "gender-mixture" and "feminine-man" to someone who hasn't experienced it... I have found it can be a bit easier on the internet, but not always...

*posting post keeping fingers crossed hoping that I haven't -without realizing it- said anything that might be offensive to anyone...

[Nadeest]

Originally Posted by agape

I don't know if I belong to this thread... I consider myself transgender of the "genderfluid variety" which basically means that my gender changes with time/situation/ppl I interact with etc...

I think it's great having a thread like that so that ppl can politely ask questions. Better to ask than to assume things, right?

You belong here, agape, and welcome.