Ask a trans person!

[Dylan]

I have a question for the transguys. I'm NOT asking anyone but transguys.

I'd like to know what y'all think about a transguy who is read as male, who wants to be read as male, who has had top surgery, and who is on hormones...but yet uses the women's restroom (on occasion), and who gets ticked off when women in the restroom get upset that he's in there.


Thanks,
Dylan

[Billy]

Originally Posted by Dylan

I have a question for the transguys. I'm NOT asking anyone but transguys.

I'd like to know what y'all think about a transguy who is read as male, who wants to be read as male, who has had top surgery, and who is on hormones...but yet uses the women's restroom (on occasion), and who gets ticked off when women in the restroom get upset that he's in there.


Thanks,
Dylan

I haven't been in the womans room in almost 4 years ....And to Me this person should stay out of the womans room as well . This person is male and there will come a time when someone is really going to get upset with him using the womans room ..And why bring on the attention...I wonder about folks sometimes ..

[weatherboi]

hey Dylan

I think he is setting himself up for failure with the inconsistency. What is his reason for using it...safety?

Had one bad bathroom experience in South Carolina!
Grant

Originally Posted by Dylan

I have a question for the transguys. I'm NOT asking anyone but transguys.

I'd like to know what y'all think about a transguy who is read as male, who wants to be read as male, who has had top surgery, and who is on hormones...but yet uses the women's restroom (on occasion), and who gets ticked off when women in the restroom get upset that he's in there.


Thanks,
Dylan

[Rufusboi]

Originally Posted by Dylan

I have a question for the transguys. I'm NOT asking anyone but transguys.

I'd like to know what y'all think about a transguy who is read as male, who wants to be read as male, who has had top surgery, and who is on hormones...but yet uses the women's restroom (on occasion), and who gets ticked off when women in the restroom get upset that he's in there.


Thanks,
Dylan

Dylan - I have not been in a women's restroom in years. I'm not on T but have had top surgery. I pass as male and my presence in the women's restroom causes huge problems for me. I've been confronted, accosted, grabbed and slung and had security called on me. I finally just stopped going in many many years ago. Men don't make eye contact and never confront or question. They are all so homophobic they just keep their heads down. So I disagree with his choice to use the women's bathroom even on occasion because 1. I think it has to cause problems for him and 2. it upsets the women who are in there. Women are very protective of that space.

Rufus

[Liam]

Originally Posted by Dylan

I have a question for the transguys. I'm NOT asking anyone but transguys.

I'd like to know what y'all think about a transguy who is read as male, who wants to be read as male, who has had top surgery, and who is on hormones...but yet uses the women's restroom (on occasion), and who gets ticked off when women in the restroom get upset that he's in there.


Thanks,
Dylan

I think he is asking for trouble.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Dylan

I have a question for the transguys. I'm NOT asking anyone but transguys.

I'd like to know what y'all think about a transguy who is read as male, who wants to be read as male, who has had top surgery, and who is on hormones...but yet uses the women's restroom (on occasion), and who gets ticked off when women in the restroom get upset that he's in there.


Thanks,
Dylan

I think this transguy is getting some sort of pay off out of his choice to use the women's restroom. I cannot read his mind, be sure of his intention. Does he do it to stir it up or perhaps he finds some sort of perceived safety in using the women's restroom?

Frankly, he may not even be aware of why he does it. Is he struggling internally with his gender identity? Is he is still trying to figure out where his gender identity fits, lands? I do not think it is okay to use hostility when taking unwilling, participants in pursuit of one's perceived safety, gender journey, and/or need to stir it up.

[CamBAMF]

Originally Posted by Dylan

I have a question for the transguys. I'm NOT asking anyone but transguys.

I'd like to know what y'all think about a transguy who is read as male, who wants to be read as male, who has had top surgery, and who is on hormones...but yet uses the women's restroom (on occasion), and who gets ticked off when women in the restroom get upset that he's in there.


Thanks,
Dylan

I think hes scared. I mean I was scared too, girlfriend at the time had to push me to use the guys bathroom. I started doing so, but only if it was empty and I had a switch blade on me. I've ease up a bit since the T and I also have a MANGO product called a Pack-N-Pee...

The reality is trans hatred is one of the biggest (if not the biggest) portion of hate crimes committed against the LGBT. Statistics show that when a hate crime is committed agaisnt the Trans is typically physical, and very often fatal. and we're not talking simple either... like decapatated, burned, beaten, stabbed forty time, dragged by a vehicle kinda deaths. now most often this happens to MTF transgenders (maybe because there is more of them, or because it is less socially accepted) You can read the names, country, and how they died on Trans Rememberance website. These hate-crime more often then not take place in gendered areas (bathrooms, lockerooms, etc.)

So for a FTM its far easier, in my opinion, to reason with females. Worst case senrio T makes it easier to fight off a female also. But there is less fear of rape and/or death in a female bathroom

[Linus]

Originally Posted by CamBAMF

So for a FTM its far easier, in my opinion, to reason with females. Worst case senrio T makes it easier to fight off a female also. But there is less fear of rape and/or death in a female bathroom

Cam, I think I will have to disagree with you on this paragraph. I don't know if it is easier to "reason with females". I think like most people, if someone is open they will be easier to reason with (female, male or purple-people eater). Additionally, from what I have seen/heard most females, if a male is found in the bathroom will call on big <insert male figure> to come in and either attempt to enforce "gender bathroom mores" or drag the offending male out. Don't forget, as well, that some women can kick your ass. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean they are weak.

Lastly, the idea that there is less fear of rape and/or death in the female bathroom -- do you mean this for the FTM or the woman? I think I can understand it from an FTMs point of view but from a woman's point of view, based on the stuff that is happening here in America, there is this long standing idea that the bathroom is safe as long as it's all women. If a man's there, he's there only to rape/kill. And since, what seems to be a large segment of America, believes that MTFs are not women but men.. well, then them being there is to rape/kill or perv on kids.

[CamBAMF]

Originally Posted by Linus

Cam, I think I will have to disagree with you on this paragraph. I don't know if it is easier to "reason with females". I think like most people, if someone is open they will be easier to reason with (female, male or purple-people eater). Additionally, from what I have seen/heard most females, if a male is found in the bathroom will call on big <insert male figure> to come in and either attempt to enforce "gender bathroom mores" or drag the offending male out. Don't forget, as well, that some women can kick your ass. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean they are weak.

Lastly, the idea that there is less fear of rape and/or death in the female bathroom -- do you mean this for the FTM or the woman? I think I can understand it from an FTMs point of view but from a woman's point of view, based on the stuff that is happening here in America, there is this long standing idea that the bathroom is safe as long as it's all women. If a man's there, he's there only to rape/kill. And since, what seems to be a large segment of America, believes that MTFs are not women but men.. well, then them being there is to rape/kill or perv on kids.

Good Point!

[Liam]

Originally Posted by CamBAMF

I think hes scared. I mean I was scared too, girlfriend at the time had to push me to use the guys bathroom. I started doing so, but only if it was empty and I had a switch blade on me. I've ease up a bit since the T and I also have a MANGO product called a Pack-N-Pee...

The reality is trans hatred is one of the biggest (if not the biggest) portion of hate crimes committed against the LGBT. Statistics show that when a hate crime is committed agaisnt the Trans is typically physical, and very often fatal. and we're not talking simple either... like decapatated, burned, beaten, stabbed forty time, dragged by a vehicle kinda deaths. now most often this happens to MTF transgenders (maybe because there is more of them, or because it is less socially accepted) You can read the names, country, and how they died on Trans Rememberance website. These hate-crime more often then not take place in gendered areas (bathrooms, lockerooms, etc.)

So for a FTM its far easier, in my opinion, to reason with females. Worst case senrio T makes it easier to fight off a female also. But there is less fear of rape and/or death in a female bathroom

I won't dispute your fear—it is after all, yours, but I must confess that I am far more comfortable in the men's room, than I am in the women's.

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by CamBAMF

These hate-crime more often then not take place in gendered areas (bathrooms, lockerooms, etc.)

So for a FTM its far easier, in my opinion, to reason with females. Worst case senrio T makes it easier to fight off a female also. But there is less fear of rape and/or death in a female bathroom

I agree with many things you've said here, but I disagree that most often hate crimes take place in gendered areas. This would mean most hate crimes against MTFs take place in women's restrooms and locker rooms, and I just don't buy that, because most hate crimes against trans-individuals (as I hate hate hate the terms 'The Trans' and 'transgenders') are not perpetrated by women.

Most hate crimes committed against the trans community are perpetrated by men against MTFs (and there's not more MTFs, the actual guesstimate is closer to 50/50) in public areas like on the street, or they were followed home, etc.

Also, I personally, don't find it any easier to "reason with females". I don't even really know what you mean there, honestly. I've always had the absolute worst time in women's restrooms, and I can't imagine ever going back in there. There's no 'reasoning' with anyone when you've scared them...especially when it comes to women being in fear of a man in the restroom. But I don't even know how I *would* 'reason' with a woman in the restroom that I *belong* there at this point. And if I *were* to end up in the women's restroom, I really wouldn't be 'fighting them off'...because I just don't belong there, and they have a very valid reason to protect themselves. But this also means that MTFs would have an easier time 'fighting off' women (if it were women committing most of the violent crimes against MTFs) in the restroom, being that MTFs have 'had all those years sharing their bodies with testosterone'. But as we all know, women aren't going to stand in the restroom and 'fight off' an intruder. Instead, they're going to go find a security guard, police officer, etc (as many of us here can attest to having had done to us when women think 'there's a man in the bathroom).

And again, I don't want to dispute your fear, because it's yours, but I wish I'd have started using the men's farrrrrrrrrr earlier than I did. If I'd had known how much less crap I was in for in the men's room, I'd have done it 20 years ago. I'm wayyyyyyyyyyy less apprehensive about using the men's room, because no one even looks at you. I've only had one experience where any man ever even bothered to look at me, and he was just a chatty old guy who sidled up to the urinal next to me and started carrying on about his day. Even when I didn't pass, men didn't say a word. For me, personally, I am MUCH less 'afraid' in the men's room. For ME, I DO think being able to use the urinal helps a lot with any apprehension.


My Thoughts,
Dylan

ETA: I find it incredibly privileged and just...gross...that an FTM would use the women's restroom if they pass and live as male.

P.P.S. I also find it attention seeking

[Rufusboi]

I've been using the men's bathroom for about 9 years now. And it was mostly because of the bad reactions I received in the women's bathroom. I was getting hassled too much, confronted, grabbed, had security called on me (I was in line for the bathroom and the security guard reached and grabbed for me to pull me out of line). I don't have problems in the men's bathroom. Men don't make eye contact. It took me a lot of years to get the nerve up to use the men's bathroom because I thought I would have problems in there and get hurt. Once I finally got the nerve up and learned that men don't even look up, then I started using the men's room exclusively.

I think women are very protective of the bathroom space. As Melissa says, its more of an event in there. Women are talking, changing their kid's diapers, taking their kid's to the bathroom, putting on make up, brushing hair, checking clothes.

Men just pee and leave. I don't use the urinals. Every men's room has a stall with a door and a lock.

Rufus

[TCB]

Originally Posted by Dylan
I have a question for the transguys. I'm NOT asking anyone but transguys.

I'd like to know what y'all think about a transguy who is read as male, who wants to be read as male, who has had top surgery, and who is on hormones...but yet uses the women's restroom (on occasion), and who gets ticked off when women in the restroom get upset that he's in there.


Thanks,
Dylan

I couldn't find the original post, so I just had to copy and paste the question.
To be quite honest, it's beyond me why any trans male (particularly that far into transition) would want to use the women's restroom. It defeats the purpose of everything he is doing if you ask me.
It actually frustrates me and is very disrespectful. Unless he feels he has some sense of privilege, that on it's own is very concerning.

Not to mention, why in the hell would you look to create a problem like that?
You can be damn sure those women in the restroom will not like him being there. UNDERSTANDABLY
It's beyond me.

[The Oopster]

I have to say I think I used a woman's restroom once out of desperation. We were at a gay bar and the men's bathroom had a urinal and a stall without a door. I wasn't equipped to pee standing up so I used the woman's. Fortunately I was still on the cusp at the time of passing and I also just used it way before the night got started and just made sure I didn't have to pee til we wer out of there.

Another time I was somewhere and the men's was out of order and I really had to go ... but just went and looked for another one. At this pt I just wouldn't be comfortable using the woman's no matter what unless it is a single locked door and the men's is broken and I really really really have to go.

Now I've also learned how to pee sitting down in a matter that no one would be the wiser. Some of the stalls i frequent don't lock well so I have learned how to sit so no one can tell. I need to come up with a new stp .... I have one piece ... just need to get the medical tubing next ... then figure out the best way to contrive the thingy. Right now I'm just lazy ... I drive a lot so try to get a 2fer when I can.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by The Oopster

I have to say I think I used a woman's restroom once out of desperation. We were at a gay bar and the men's bathroom had a urinal and a stall without a door. I wasn't equipped to pee standing up so I used the woman's. Fortunately I was still on the cusp at the time of passing and I also just used it way before the night got started and just made sure I didn't have to pee til we wer out of there.

Another time I was somewhere and the men's was out of order and I really had to go ... but just went and looked for another one. At this pt I just wouldn't be comfortable using the woman's no matter what unless it is a single locked door and the men's is broken and I really really really have to go.

Now I've also learned how to pee sitting down in a matter that no one would be the wiser. Some of the stalls i frequent don't lock well so I have learned how to sit so no one can tell. I need to come up with a new stp .... I have one piece ... just need to get the medical tubing next ... then figure out the best way to contrive the thingy. Right now I'm just lazy ... I drive a lot so try to get a 2fer when I can.

I really need to work on that part. I've tried it a couple of times only end up with my leg wet. I think my biggest concern is the strength of the stream being too forceful and thus overflowing.

[Jet]

I think id have to have more than peach fuzz to use the men;s room.

Originally Posted by Rufusboi

I've been using the men's bathroom for about 9 years now. And it was mostly because of the bad reactions I received in the women's bathroom. I was getting hassled too much, confronted, grabbed, had security called on me (I was in line for the bathroom and the security guard reached and grabbed for me to pull me out of line). I don't have problems in the men's bathroom. Men don't make eye contact. It took me a lot of years to get the nerve up to use the men's bathroom because I thought I would have problems in there and get hurt. Once I finally got the nerve up and learned that men don't even look up, then I started using the men's room exclusively.

I think women are very protective of the bathroom space. As Melissa says, its more of an event in there. Women are talking, changing their kid's diapers, taking their kid's to the bathroom, putting on make up, brushing hair, checking clothes.

Men just pee and leave. I don't use the urinals. Every men's room has a stall with a door and a lock.

Rufus

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by Jet

I think id have to have more than peach fuzz to use the men;s room.

So, does that mean you're going to wait until you have a full beard before you stop using the women's restroom?


Dylan

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Dylan

So, does that mean you're going to wait until you have a full beard before you stop using the women's restroom?


Dylan

I'll never wear a beard

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by Jet

I think id have to have more than peach fuzz to use the men;s room.

We might have gotten the idea you were talking about restrooms and using the women's restroom from this post where you state you'd have to have more than peach fuzz to use the men's room


Dylan

[theoddz]

Originally Posted by Dylan

We might have gotten the idea you were talking about restrooms and using the women's restroom from this post where you state you'd have to have more than peach fuzz to use the men's room


Dylan

I know I'm responding kind of late to this, but I know exactly where Jet's coming from with his remark.

There was a time before I started T and pre chest surgery where I didn't feel very comfy using either gendered restroom. I'd try to either find a unisex bathroom or hold it until I could or I'd hold it until I got to a private restroom. It's a horrible position to be in, but I think all of us have been there at one time.

I think Parker wasn't meaning that he'd "invade a women's restroom" at all. He just doesn't feel comfy using the men's room until he's a little further down the road of physical transitioning. For my part, I completely understand this. It's that "in between" spot that's so difficult.

Oh, and I'm not trying to put words in Parker's mouth. I'm just saying I understand what he meant and this is why.

Theo...on the cell phone.