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Quote:

Originally Posted by Martina (Post 458834)

What do you think of the glitter bombing of Dan Savage?

I thought it was a very sparkly moment.

That said, I don't know if he realizes that the very things that he doesn't like that happen against the GL community he may be very well doing to the trans community. Terms (at least for me) like "shemale" or "tranny" doesn't sit well with me. Granted it was 2003 in one piece in particular that he did this but I don't know if he's really acknowledged it or what he's done.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martina (Post 458834)

What do you think of the glitter bombing of Dan Savage?

Honestly, the whole "glitter bombing" thing is not something I really understand. I'm not really sure where it came from or why it seems so popular now. In many respects I feel like it detracts from the seriousness of the forms of discrimination that people are speaking out against. On the other hand, it attracts more attention to it, where people would have otherwise ignored it.

From everything I've read, Dan Savage is an unapologetic transphobe, and I think it's important to point out why since he's a popular public figure. A lot of people espouse similar beliefs to his on trans folks, while still claiming to be "trans allies," just as he does. Whether glitter bombing him will help raise awareness or not on why certain behaviours and statements are transphobic remains to be seen.

I liked this take on it, though: http://www.bilerico.com/2011/11/dan_..._transphob.php

Quote:

Yesterday evening Dan Savage visited the University of Oregon campus in Eugene as a part of his tour filming his show Savage U for MTV. While the details are not entirely clear, apparently a representative from the "Dan Savage Welcoming Committee" rushed the stage to glitter bomb the celebrity sex columnist along with the statement "Dan Savage is a transphobe!"

As they turned tail, they added, "Glitterbomb courtesy of the Dan Savage Welcoming Committee," and just before they got out the door, "He's a racist and misogynist and a rape-apologist, too!" The operative then fled the scene.
--Statement by Dan Savage Welcoming Committee

Dan Savage has made it clear that he intends to be an ally to trans people, but he's certainly been a very inconsistent ally. Sometimes he apologizes for his transphobic actions, such as when he was criticized for saying that a Republican politician was trans as a way to insult him. Other times, he ridicules those who point out his transphobic actions, depicts them as over-sensitive, irrational, and so forth. He occasionally uses the power of his popularity to bring attention to important trans issues, but he refuses to listen to trans people when they tell him what he is doing is causing harm.

It's interesting to see the response to all this in a public glitter bombing. Savage has yet to release any statement on the matter, but it's likely to be pretty similar to his statement in an interview with David Badash last month.

"How do you disprove a charge like you're transphobic? I'm not afraid of trans people." Savage then goes into a mimicking voice, knowing not to say, "One of my friends is trans," but does say that he has a friend who is trans who comes to his house for Christmas. "We hang out all the time," Savage says. "I certainly have had a journey in the last 20 years--as have we all--on trans issues. When I started writing Savage Love 20 years ago, and you can yank quotes 15, 18 years ago and flat them up today and say, 'You know, that's transphobic,' I'd probably agree with you. 15 years ago I didn't know as much as I know now--nor did anybody."

The problem I see here is that an ally in any anti-oppression movement should not be focused on disproving the fact that they are influenced by prejudice. In doing so, he paints himself into an adversarial relationship with the trans activists who he tries to discredit in order to prove his worth. I would argue that it's probably impossible to avoid internalizing prejudicial messages. The best thing any ally can do is take responsibility for those influences and seek to be accountable for them. Yet Dan Savage is too busy dodging responsibility to actually internalize an understanding of what he is doing that is wrong.

Because while it was 8 years ago that he titled a column "Bad Tranny" where he admonished a trans woman for coming out, it was only two years ago that he used the term "shemale" to refer to trans women. Just one year ago, several weeks in succession, first when a caller discusses watching trans porn, he admits that he knows he shouldn't use either derogatory term, but declares that it's okay to do so when referencing porn and proceeds to joyfully sling around the word "tranny" ten times in about two minutes and tosses in "shemale" a few times for good measure. Then repeats his previous assertion that men who are attracted to trans women cannot be considered completely straight. A week later he verbally thrashes a trans person who got upset at being mispronouned. Then finally, he reassures a man who likes women with strap-ons that he is 100% straight as long as the cock that he's attracted to is attached to a woman - which apparently means he doesn't consider trans women to be women, or else he would have said the same thing to the guy who watches trans porn.

I have to wonder, with all that Dan Savage claims to have learned in the past 15 years, has he learned how to be less transphobic or has he only learned how to sound less transphobic while still putting out equally damaging statements?

I could go on, but his behavior has already been well documented by other bloggers, such as Masculine Toast, Bi Furious, Greta Christina, and FuckNoDanSavage. The bottom line is that when challenged on his various prejudicial influences, Dan Savage tells his critics to patiently wait for him while it gets better. This glitterbomb is one of many responses that demand, "Make it better."

Hi there,

For the transmen,

I've seen many of you for a long while now on the boards, through your journeys, and I've always wondered about something.

If you are transitioning or already transitioned, what affect did it have on your relationship if you were, or are in one? I recently watched a documentary that showed the femme deciding she could not stay with her partner because he was going to start T, and transition. She truly loved him, but felt she would lose her lesbian card and truly did not want to be with a man. In the end she did stay, but her fear was that the change would change her partner so much, she would not be able to stay.

Someone earlier asked if anyone has dealt with being questioned as to why a lesbian would date a transman. I was just wondering if this happens often.

I am married to a queer identified woman... she knew I was transitioned when we met - I had been transitioned for years, so even though she didn't have to deal with the person she loved changing genders in the relationship, she did have to deal with how it affected her own identity. She still IDs as queer, she still thinks women are hot, she just happened to fall in love with a transman :)

As for why a lesbian would date a transman... I don't think we necessarily choose who to love, sometimes love chooses us.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan (Post 458890)

I am married to a queer identified woman... she knew I was transitioned when we met - I had been transitioned for years, so even though she didn't have to deal with the person she loved changing genders, she did have to deal with how it affected her own identity. She still IDs as queer, she still thinks women are hot, she just happened to fall in love with a transman :)

That's quite a woman ya got there!

*snipped*

Quote:

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan (Post 458890)

As for why a lesbian would date a transman... I don't think we necessarily choose who to love, sometimes love chooses us.

So very well said..everyone should be so blessed to find what you and your wife have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee (Post 458894)

That's quite a woman ya got there!

Thank you so much for that.... she is incredible, she is one of the most - ok, the most, honest person I've ever knowm. She's genuine, she's generous, she's funny and she's my whole world :)

Blows the dust off here!

Hey thought I'd throw something out there!

In a week I'm going to meet up with an Aunt and Uncle and their son and his family.

As far as I know they have no clue of my trans status! Right now I'm just figuring to just show up and make no big deal of it! I don't foresee any issues with them or I would address it before hand. In this case it just seems easiest to handle it as it comes.

When I came out as gay 10 years ago they were very very excepting! Even my tough navy officer uncle!

I'm staying with the cousin but I have hotel reservations for that night that I can cancel up til 4 pm that night and will hang onto them til that day. That's also partly due to health issues my uncle and aunt have. Figure it's just easier to hold onto it and cancel it when i'm sure I don't need it!

any thoughts?

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Oopster (Post 549227)

I'm always amazed at how well my family receives me. The biggest challenge with distant relatives (my aunts and uncles live in Canada so I only see them maybe once or twice a year) is that they forget pronouns. Personally I don't make it a big deal because I see them so rarely. They try and still love me for who I am (the more important fact, IMO).

I think you have a plan and if things don't go well, you have an out if need be. Just be positive and open to any questions. Do you think they know? (say from other family members)

It sounds like a good plan to me. I'd also have a way to get out of there quickly, just in case. Then again, I'm not particularly trusting, either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus (Post 549352)

They possibly could but the only people the would hear it from would be my parents and I just don't see my parents having said anything because they are pretty private.

Certain people get passes on the pronouns and name game, that's really not an issue for me, I just really try to be sensitive to the other people involved and the best way to deal with it for them. Some of my other relatives I would definitely deal with it before hand but this side of the family is pretty laid back.

When I started my transition, I didnt expect my family and those that had known me for large numbers of years to automatically start calling me by my new name. Mind you, these people are few in number, but I do have to try to cut them some slack. It has got to be hard for them to adjust to referring to me by my new name, and thinking of me as a different gender then what they are used to.

So I hope this is the right place.

The Boy and I are watching Girls will be Boys. And we started discussing something that I have noticed before and wondered about.

While I understand that trans people feel/look/genitally are one gender, chromosomaly they are of another gender. So I would think chromosomes are what determines hair pattern. But obviously this is not so.....

How is it that FTMs end up with male hairlines, i.e. male pattern baldness? Is it the T that causes hair loss because of its steroid nature?

Thanks for any feedback.
A

Quote:

Originally Posted by pajara2 (Post 556624)

How is it that FTMs end up with male hairlines, i.e. male pattern baldness? Is it the T that causes hair loss because of its steroid nature?

Thanks for any feedback.
A

A male hairline does not necessarily equate to male pattern baldness, and yes, usually its the T that makes the male hairline. A female hairline is generally rounder than a male hairline. As for male pattern baldness, the general response is that genetics determine that, just like it does for female pattern baldness.

So I've run into an odd situation at work. First a bit of background (for those unaware): I started my transition back in 2007-2008. I've been on T since 2008 and had top surgery last year. I have not had my I.D. gender changed yet because of the whole visa/green card stuff (the US gov't doesn't seem to care so that's fine). For my company I'm a technical trainer and sometimes we do what are known as "onsites" where a customer pays for a trainer to come and train their employees at their facility.

Recently, we had one customer who wants me (specifically) to come and teach. They happen to be an airline and they wanted to book the ticket on their airline. That, in itself, isn't an issue. However, the person organizing it (and likely to be a student) wanted the necessary info, which (as per TSA), means name and gender being given out. This made me go "no, not doing it" and told my company that. The airline company finally agreed to let me book the ticket myself (it then ends up with some random stranger rather than the person booking the course) and I still book the flight with them.

I'll say it again: I love the company I work for. They protected my privacy while still meeting the needs of the customer.

I'm so glad for you, Linus, that you have an employer that is looking out for their employees as well as their customers. I hope that I get a job with a company like that.

What have you guys done with all of your old photographs?

For good or bad, they are part of my life, so I have kept them. I seldom show them to other people, however. Generally, I might show them to close friends or to show someone that is considering transition just how much that a person can change, physically, over the course of transition.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liam (Post 560111)

What have you guys done with all of your old photographs?

I have my old photos and I keep them. I don't think I show them to other people more or less than anyone else probably shows their old photos to others. I don't live my life, necessarily, in "stealth" mode, but that's because it's really not an issue, for the most part. I don't bring up the fact that I'm trans, as a general policy, and most people don't notice it and/or bring it up, in the course of everyday living. I guess I'm just not that uptight about it, for lack of a better word.

I am not hesitant to reveal or desirous of hiding my former (female-bodied) life. I am extremely proud of the fact that I served as a Woman Marine, and one of my pictures from that period in my life is displayed here in my gallery, as are several other pics from various times in my life, as well as a more recent picture. Like I said, it's just not that much of an issue. It is what it is. I think that only once....and it's been very recently, has anyone ever asked me what my previous (female) given name was, and I refused to answer. I figure it's none of anyone's business what that was and is totally irrelevent now.

I think everyone is different, for the most part. I lived most of my 51 years in my birth-assigned gender, and I'm not ashamed or wanting to hide that. It's in my past but is something I take with me.....a part of who I am. Sometimes it is the better part of me. It makes me a better man. Everyone is different, however, and I'm sure there are many other transfolk out there who feel differently than I do. That's what makes us unique, as human beings. :winky:

~Theo~ :bouquet:

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoddz (Post 562463)

i feel pretty much the same, i dont live stealth either, but if anyone wants to know i have no problem with that, im older than you, came out in the late 90's and transitioned 6 yrs ago - is it an age thing - i.e. as we get older and have lived most of our life in our birth gender,seen and been through a lot in life - it can seem less important than maybe to a younger person?