Stealth or Out
 

I'm not sure that it is an age thing, since I have photographs older than Theo.

so I saw my aunt, uncle and cousin recently and the whole situation was sort of cute.

The night before i went over to see them I was talking to my aunt and I started to say well there is something you need to know ... She said "Hun it's okay, your dad sent us an email. Barry(her son) keeps telling me to watch my pronouns.

She did her best ... it was funny cause my uncle who just had some issues where his thinking process was impaired didn't miss a single pronoun and I could tell that he was proud of that fact!

When I was leaving my cousins ... my cousin paused ... stared at me and said "damn you look like your dad!"

i knew they'd be good and it's nice to have some of the family that now knows. Don't know what will ever happen with my moms side but i'll cross that bridge if it ever comes!

I'm actually in a process of taking all my old photographs some that I am in and some that I am not in and scanning them into my computer.

I hope to make some themed murals with them to display in my hallway.

I'm not sure what I am going to do with the ones that i am in yet. I'm going to leave those for last! If nothing else I will probably make something then decide whether or not to display. I figure when i get to that point I will know what is right for me. At this moment it would be weird, but by the time I get there and maybe in the manner that I display them it might be okay.

I do have some albums and my yearbook out but really not anywhere that someone is going to grab them and look at them.

Some of my not displaying them has to do with others reactions but the other part has to do with me. It's just weird to see them. It's a different person that I am so disconnected from and even though it's a part of my past it's weird to look at this person that existed yet didn't exist.

I'm glad that things went well with your family. :)

Shaving Cream
 

I don't know about that, pajara; but I do know that washing with hot water (or do the hot towel thing like they do in salons/barbershops) opens the pores and softens the hair for a closer shave.

The shaving creams can certainly help, however, putting a hot damp washcloth on one's face, immediately before shaving really helps a lot. To my mind, the shaving creams help protect the face, and give you a smoother shave by providing lubrication for the razor's movement across your face.

For many years before I transitioned, I could not use shaving creams due to problems with my body. Just putting a hot wet washcloth over my face for a few minutes, prior to shaving, did the trick for me, in giving me a close shave.

What they said, and a sharp blade! :)

Exfoliate, Exfoliate, and Exfoliate again. It helps to remove the dead/dry skin that builds up. I use a puff thingy and Aveeno has a great exfoliating cleansers. This can be used on whatever you are shaving. :blush:
I use my Aveeno every other day and it makes for soft skin and a closer shave. Also not letting your razor sit in the shower and stay wet keeps the edge longer. Good luck!

I have found the best shaving "cream" to be the old fashioned round of soap that sits in the bottom of a mug and requires a brush to apply. As for razors, I have discovered that a straight edge razor, yet another old fashioned item, gives me the closest shave yet. The ritual of sharpening with a stone, and then using the leather strop to tweak the edge, do not lend themselves to hurried mornings, but the results are most satisfying.

I've been contemplating bottom surgery. At the very least a hysto and metoidioplasty but was curious what others have considered or have had done. PMs welcomed if that is more comfortable for you.

What I'm curious/concerned about are:

• costs (this is why I've ruled out phalloplasty)
• recovery time (metoi likely has the fastest recovery)
• ability to pee standing up without additional device.
• at what age did you do this

Hey Everyone

I recently reconnected with my Mom again after 16 years of her
cutting me off. Mom is very conservative Jehovahs Witness.

My life choices were just unceptable to her. While my siblings, childhood friends, friends ofbthe family and High School friends all had no trouble with my gender evolution, my Mom is in denial and does not want to discuss this.

I am very out and visible as a volunteer with 2 Narional groups. One is religious the other political. It would be impossible to avoid my male identity if she wanted to. When my sister refers to me in male pronouns or my nephews call me Uncle, Mom gets upset.

Everyone who saw me grow up gets me and can see a natural evolution.

I find myself wondering how to engage with my Mother in an authentic way.

Has anyone been through anything similar?

Thank you.

...........my parents had been "promote to Glory" as they say in the salvation army when they die, so i never had this problem, however i did have grown children, 2 sons and it wasnt easy and took a lot of time/patience. as you rightly quote on the bottom of your posts "choose love" - your mum loves you and wants the best for her child - however old you are, a parent still sees their offspring as their child and is protective of him/her. I feel the best way through this type of situation is to understand that whilst you are undoubtedly eager for acceptance, your mum has beliefs and feelings which dont allow her, at this moment in time, to see it from your view. I have found that patience, time and love helps enormously. Its not easy I know and your mum may never be able to accept who you are, which doesnt mean she doesnt love you - your own acceptance of her feelings would help. Unfortunately, we cant always have it the way we would wish but understanding that can help you deal with your own feelings.............

Sun, I feel for you. The family stuff, gender and sexual orientation status may put many dynamics into play. My family (parents and siblings) are a mixed bag of liberals to ordained clergy conservatives.

To be authenic or to strive to be authenic does not rquire buy in from others. It is not easy to bare rejection, and disrespect from our family, it can hurt. However, you can continue to be authenic and live your life according to your values and choices.

It is not easy. Please do not think I am suggesting that to you. I myself do not have much contact with my brothers because of their response to my transistion. I believe they have always personalized my queerness expressed primarily in the masculine form, as some sort of personal threat to their own sense of masculinity or what it means to be a man. (I digress.)

If you would like to talk about your situation with me, one to one, pm me.

I don't know if this relates to you Sun or would help, but with my family I addressed the issue on how it effects them. I've made no claim that they need to accept me this way or that way but if they are going to be around me there are things they need to be aware of. That others do see me as a man and them calling me she will get them weird looks, them showing pictures of me and saying may daughter will get them weird looks ... etc. I suggested they at least start with gender neutral things. Like calling me lynd, calling me their child.

My brother has never given me a chance. He will only be around me if I'm the way he expects me to be. I've never said he had to do anything, call me he, koop or anything but he has chosen to not have me in his life the way I am.

With My parents I have taken baby steps. Until this winter I hadn't been home for about 4 or 5 years. They travel a lot and we would meet up places. I let them get to see me in areas where they didn't have to be concerned about others reactions. They've grown to accept me the way I am. Mom still isn't great with the pronouns but has gotten really good and calling me by a shortened version of my given name. Dad has called me son.

For me by not demanding anything from them I feel I've gotten more then I could imagine.