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Lolol, it's so fun making people just cringe. Chill out, I know what I do and you can believe whatcha want to, I'm just explaining what I meant, don't shoot the messenger. I didn't make it up. Oooh, it doesn't "self-fulfill" me, I'm perfectly happily sexual sexual sexual. :P
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I'd take a pass on the cow pie, though.
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There's definitely some kind of horse parts up in here.* Sheep dip, anyone? http://spencerfield.files.wordpress....tage-13web.jpg *My apologies to actual horses. |
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Cute Widdle Wesbian, Welcome to the site! I don't know if your intent in this thread is to, indeed, "make people cringe" but I've had a couple of complaints from folks who think you are a troll looking to stir up trouble on this site. I really hope that isn't the case and that your humor just isn't translating well. Either way, please review the Terms of Service for this site so that you will have a clear idea of how we would like the membership to interact with one another: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/inde...20of%20Service Thanks, Admin |
Hmmm, as a biologist and scientist, when some "facts" are stated, I'm always curious about the source, the methodology behind the statements and who made the research and in what year... just saying, that if someone has blanket statements and claims it to be science, give me the source... Thanks, end of my rent (and no, I'm not PMSing), any scientist, male or female, would wonder the same thing!
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I had bed death in a relationship once. It was with my boyfriend (xy male) at the time. We were both young and the best of friends. There was nothing "wrong" with our relationship to each other (no trust issues broken, we loved each other tons etc) but I think that our extremely high level of intimacy without the frission of sexual adventure made it just melt into a friendship only thing. The last year we were together, we had sex about four times, I think. It was pretty clunky the last two times. If you don't use it, you lose it - and what I didn't know back then was: you have to put aside times to just have a go anyway. and do it while doing something new and what both turns you on.
I like diiiiirty sex. And it wasn't dirty any more so I lost my desire for it. Not for him, really, just for the calm, intimate sex that is nice as a topping but I just can't get into as a main course. I also didn't know that then. I do know better now. stressors still happen and I have highly intimate relationships (which can put stress on your love life). But I know now to say, "I want my hands tied if you are going to do that" or "how bout here on the couch instead of in bed" - having sex in bed every single time in exactly the same way because we are both super tired most of the time and want to have sex but have 20 minutes to do so cause we need sleep... is a killer for me. I'd rather not have sex for an extra week then have it on a weekend afternoon we've put aside (regardless of if I'm in the mood or not - I can be stirred into the mood if it's different, novel, dirty or nasty in some way) because repetitiveness will get me to "neh, I think I'm too tired. lets sleep" And from what I hear from my other friends, that's a common complaint that does lead to het/homo bed death. |
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I have never experienced lesbian bed death.
During the first 7-years of my long-term relationship, we had sex virtually every night. After I found out that she cheated on me, it did decrease for a while but did not die until the 19th year when I just could not deal with her final betrayal. Until that last year though, there was just something between us that was so electric that all she had to do was touch me and I wanted her. No matter what. I would have a very hard time accepting the death of a great sex life. It would be a real loss. |
My last round of Chemo seriously effected my sex drive. It wasn't that I lost interest.....I tried to explain to my wife it must be how men feel with E.D. You want to.....you just can't.
I did lose interest in even trying when it became obvious she was getting her needs met elsewhere. She moved out in August after 10 years together. I have a "tentitive" date for NYE.........but will I be expected to do the NYE kiss?? I know this may sound odd, but I've been faithful to the ex since our first kiss in 2001. Even now....casual sex just doesn't interest me at all anymore. Maybe I'm just being gun shy. Suggestions.....comments.... |
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Like you and some others here, I cannot say that I have experienced a diminished sex drive over the course of my lifetime. Even with exiting a perio-menopause state: which, technically, if how I understand menopause, it's the state of being that follows the perio-menopause state. What I was going to say is that for me, even now, my sex drive feels like it always has - I have strong libido, even after going through a very tough, albeit short, perio-menopause state. I think my time was shorter than most maybe because my active menses state began when I was very young (right after I turned 9 years old) with my active menses years extending to when I turned 50. It's just been lately, since summer, that I have been free of my active menses state. Even when I entered into an perio-menopause trajectory, which was the worst ever time of my life (a menses cycle that lasted longer than 8 weeks, then disappeared for several months), my sex drive raged more. Sometimes, when it comes to diminished sex drives, I have to wonder whether there are other elements that come into play (health issues, for example) or even unresolved relationship/communication issues, because I have to agree with you and others (take Jo's post, for example), that for me too, I think my sex drive would falter if there were unresolved issues or communication barriers impeding upon a person's sex drive... I do believe my sex drive is spark driven. For the most part, I'm terribly grateful that I feel sparkly (sparky) and that my sex drive seems to be in tact; especially since my own experience with having made it past the perio-menopausal state. |
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i second dis emotion... |
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Since when does almighty sex trump everything else in a couples life? Of course sex is a good thing, but if that i the string holding it together that is a sad thing. If that is all i mean to you, you are not for me. |
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This term "lesbian bed death" is one that has been around for forever, it's unfortunate that negativity prevails over all. I can only speak to my experiences, and I have been in relationships where the sex was plentiful and waned and regained momentum. The reason mostly is not because you lack the physical desire but that we are emotional beings and therefore when our emotions come into play all aspects of our life are affected.
I am in agreement that sex is not the be all and end all in a relationship but it is important and to me can be the glue...if I am physically separate from someone for any length of time I feel disconnected. Of course, if my partner has some ailment that presents a challenge that is a whole different ballgame and I would stay by her side. The "death" in my opinion is much like "making love" it starts long before you reach the bedroom, and therefore each moment and each day should be one that nurtures the soul of each of you so that your "bed" can flourish. |
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Lesbian Death Bed......
I know it’s always been associated with lesbians but really isn’t “death bed" prevalent with all relationships whether heterosexual or homosexual? What nincompoop had to assoicate it just with lesbians?
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sex is over rated. now affection, lesbians know affection better than anybody LOL.
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stating what is obvious to me.......
I have been the cause of lesbian bed death and I have received the same result by another.
When I have caused it, on more than one occasion it was directly in relation to my emotions over a period of time while in the relationship. After attempts to work through couples issues that normally come up......I start drifting into the I am losing my desire for you space. That is to say the longer these issues take to address, or get ignored, or attempted to get through only to fall back, the less I want to be intimate with her. I can only do part of what is needed in the relationship at this point, there has to be effort on the other side. SO when that effort is non existent, or seriously lacking over a period of time, that speaks to my emotions and rather than be conditional, my libido kicks in at some point and slowly ebbs away. I won't fake it or pretend either way. It is not easy to go through, and what was wanted was the emotional substance that was lacking. I am a patient woman, but if I feel used and issues are not addressed, the ebbing starts. Sex is not the most important thing in my idea of a relationship, but it sure is pretty important. Let me add that intimacy most of the time for me does not always involve sex. And said intimacy will and can help carry the non-existence presence of sex, again tho, there are two people who need to participate in this...... |
Even if you haven't heard of "IT," you most likely have experienced it. Lesbian Bed Death is a phrase coined by Pepper Schwartz and Phillip Blumstein in 1983 from a study they conducted on diminished sexual activity in long-term relationships.
Basically, it’s the term used to describe the death knell of the monogamous sex life of a couple. Their study included monogamous lesbian, gay and heterosexual couples. http://www.shewired.com/lifestyle/na...eath?page=full All long-term couples have a decrease in sexual activity. Lesbian bed death is a myth that will not die. "You Can Tell Just By Looking": And 20 Other Myths about LGBT Life and People By Michael Bronski, Ann Pellegrini, Michael Amico A totally irritating myth specifically about lesbians. You don't hear a catchy phrase called"heterosexual bed death" do you? :bedfuck: |
No, with heterosexuals, it's just called "bed death." there is no sexuality qualifier on it. My het friends bitch about it. The women, usually.
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call it what you will.......
Call it by any name or label that you choose (people in general and no one specific). It is not a bed death sentence, but a term used to give or lead to information/discussion. This can apply to relationships over all and not exclusive to lesbians. I would not begin a statement saying I have lived/done this lesbian bed death in relationships with my boyfriend for example....LOL I have never even had a boyfriend. What I apply it to is me...being a lesbian. So yea, the following stands true, and the terminology for me is fine. The interpretation over the course of 20 years or so has been askew no doubt from the original usage. Something is told over and over again and we all know what happens, how that info changes and even the intent of the info or how it is used. There have been many times that I have felt trounced upon by words for being a lesbian, this set of words does not phase me negatively. This post is the first time I have heard the term, and it is not something I would adopt into my language usage. Just because I would rather more fully describe what it means to lose desire than use the "slang" .
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