[Gemme]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

I go through bouts of depression. I already know the signs of my highs and lows. For me, I think it's more now than ever in my past. Moving to a state where I have no friends and being a pretty private person for the most part about my personal life increases my bouts. I think burdening anyone else with things going on in my life is something I'm not programmed to do. I know I have plenty of friends that will listen. Just not any that live close by and phone calls aren't always the same when needing someone.

I do like to be alone sometimes, but not secluded. Changing some things in my life will stop the depression and I know this. But, if it is to be, it is up to me. I can pull myself out of this.....what I call, funk. After all, I'm the one that put me in it.

I can so relate to this. I've been up here in the PNW for more than 4 years. Though I initially moved up here with someone and there ARE lovely members of our community here, that person is no longer in my life (of my own choice) and the site members are over an hour away and have their own lives to lead. I often feel very isolated.

So, how does one 'fix' this? Well, sometimes you can't. Sometimes you have to do what your Momma said and just lie in it for a while. For myself, that only works for so long. So, I'm starting over again, nearly from scratch.

It's a frightening, humiliating experience and I'm sure there will be quite a few down days before I find my balance, but it's what I feel is best for me.

I have S.A.D. and the winters up here are brutal, not only on my delicate senses (the usual cracked hands, runny nose, etc) but they are LONG and GRAY and I've given not only pieces of myself to it these years I've been up here but pieces of others that I didn't have permission to give.

I can't change the disorder, but I can change my circumstances.