Beyond the blues...The Mean Reds.

[WolfyOne]

I go through bouts of depression. I already know the signs of my highs and lows. For me, I think it's more now than ever in my past. Moving to a state where I have no friends and being a pretty private person for the most part about my personal life increases my bouts. I think burdening anyone else with things going on in my life is something I'm not programmed to do. I know I have plenty of friends that will listen. Just not any that live close by and phone calls aren't always the same when needing someone.

I do like to be alone sometimes, but not secluded. Changing some things in my life will stop the depression and I know this. But, if it is to be, it is up to me. I can pull myself out of this.....what I call, funk. After all, I'm the one that put me in it.

[always2late]

Posting a link for Dysthymia Depression

http://www.depressionplace.com/dysthymia.html

[cinderella]

Thanks for the link Always2Late. It is a very interesting article.

Originally Posted by always2late

Posting a link for Dysthymia Depression

http://www.depressionplace.com/dysthymia.html

[Heart]

Cinderella, have you thought about some therapy to help with those mean reds? It could be very helpful. Or maybe some kind of fellowship - like Alanaon? Do you live alone? Would it help to live with someone or in more of a community? There are very interesting senior cooperative communities around the country these days. There's also SAGE and other organizations for queer seniors. Reducing the isolation you feel is important in alleviating the mean reds I think. Wishing you the best.

http://www.sageusa.org/index.cfm

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

I go through bouts of depression. I already know the signs of my highs and lows. For me, I think it's more now than ever in my past. Moving to a state where I have no friends and being a pretty private person for the most part about my personal life increases my bouts. I think burdening anyone else with things going on in my life is something I'm not programmed to do. I know I have plenty of friends that will listen. Just not any that live close by and phone calls aren't always the same when needing someone.

I do like to be alone sometimes, but not secluded. Changing some things in my life will stop the depression and I know this. But, if it is to be, it is up to me. I can pull myself out of this.....what I call, funk. After all, I'm the one that put me in it.

I can so relate to this. I've been up here in the PNW for more than 4 years. Though I initially moved up here with someone and there ARE lovely members of our community here, that person is no longer in my life (of my own choice) and the site members are over an hour away and have their own lives to lead. I often feel very isolated.

So, how does one 'fix' this? Well, sometimes you can't. Sometimes you have to do what your Momma said and just lie in it for a while. For myself, that only works for so long. So, I'm starting over again, nearly from scratch.

It's a frightening, humiliating experience and I'm sure there will be quite a few down days before I find my balance, but it's what I feel is best for me.

I have S.A.D. and the winters up here are brutal, not only on my delicate senses (the usual cracked hands, runny nose, etc) but they are LONG and GRAY and I've given not only pieces of myself to it these years I've been up here but pieces of others that I didn't have permission to give.

I can't change the disorder, but I can change my circumstances.

[cinderella]

I am so sorry, Gemme. I can so understand your situation, it mirrors mine...

I wish you only the best, and I know you will conquer this. I know how painful it is. I am here if you ever want to talk and get to know each other better. We can be company for each other. I extend this gesture to any and all who need/want a friend. We may not always agree on issues, and ways of thinking, but I'm sure we can always benefit from a kind and understanding heart...

Originally Posted by Gemme

I can so relate to this. I've been up here in the PNW for more than 4 years. Though I initially moved up here with someone and there ARE lovely members of our community here, that person is no longer in my life (of my own choice) and the site members are over an hour away and have their own lives to lead. I often feel very isolated.

So, how does one 'fix' this? Well, sometimes you can't. Sometimes you have to do what your Momma said and just lie in it for a while. For myself, that only works for so long. So, I'm starting over again, nearly from scratch.

It's a frightening, humiliating experience and I'm sure there will be quite a few down days before I find my balance, but it's what I feel is best for me.

I have S.A.D. and the winters up here are brutal, not only on my delicate senses (the usual cracked hands, runny nose, etc) but they are LONG and GRAY and I've given not only pieces of myself to it these years I've been up here but pieces of others that I didn't have permission to give.

I can't change the disorder, but I can change my circumstances.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by cinderella

I am so sorry, Gemme. I can so understand your situation, it mirrors mine...

I wish you only the best, and I know you will conquer this. I know how painful it is. I am here if you ever want to talk and get to know each other better. We can be company for each other. I extend this gesture to any and all who need/want a friend. We may not always agree on issues, and ways of thinking, but I'm sure we can always benefit from a kind and understanding heart...

Thank you, cinderella.

[cinderella]

Thank you, Heart, for your thoughtful and kind words. You've made some excellent suggestions, many of which I have already entertained. However, I live in a very isolated place where this no gay community at all. The nearest would be Philadelphia or NYC. Both are approximately 2 hours more or less from me. Both would include a stay-over if I ventured there, and I have financial issues which would make staying at a hotel/motel impossible. A day trip would involve leaving before dark, as I have trouble seeing clearly at night, so I don't drive at nightfall.

As for therapy, I can't afford it for one, and for another it's just not for me. I have tried it several times in the past, and it's done nothing for me.

I do want to find community, but there is none in The Poconos that I know of, or any members of this site nearby that I'm familiar with.

As for a seniors organization - I have heard of Sage. They have weekly meetings and social gaterings. But again, the nearest Sage I know of is located in NYC, and the social events are usually in the evenings.

But you are correct - it's the isolation and lack of contact with the gay community that is causing me this depression. I do have friends on here I speak on the phone with occassionally, and that assauges the pain somewhat, at least for the time we're speaking, but once the phone is hung up, the lonliness comes back. It is difficult to say the least - and I'm in pretty good shape considering. I have no friends or family that are close, so yes, the isolation and seperation is acute.

But I don't want this thread to be just about me...I want others to come here to share their experiences and feelings as well.

Originally Posted by Heart

Cinderella, have you thought about some therapy to help with those mean reds? It could be very helpful. Or maybe some kind of fellowship - like Alanaon? Do you live alone? Would it help to live with someone or in more of a community? There are very interesting senior cooperative communities around the country these days. There's also SAGE and other organizations for queer seniors. Reducing the isolation you feel is important in alleviating the mean reds I think. Wishing you the best.

http://www.sageusa.org/index.cfm

[cinderella]

Tho said in a different way, Wolfy, your words echo mine - we are so on the same page...

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

I go through bouts of depression. I already know the signs of my highs and lows. For me, I think it's more now than ever in my past. Moving to a state where I have no friends and being a pretty private person for the most part about my personal life increases my bouts. I think burdening anyone else with things going on in my life is something I'm not programmed to do. I know I have plenty of friends that will listen. Just not any that live close by and phone calls aren't always the same when needing someone.

I do like to be alone sometimes, but not secluded. Changing some things in my life will stop the depression and I know this. But, if it is to be, it is up to me. I can pull myself out of this.....what I call, funk. After all, I'm the one that put me in it.