Quote:
Originally Posted by Martina
This sounds fine, but that's not the way it works. Often the DEFAULT is male pronouns. Some people's default is "she," but on the previous site anyway, that was much less common. So that's the situation. It's not sometimes -- randomly someone gets called by the wrong pronoun.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AtLastHome
I totally appreciate what you are saying here. However, it isn't working. I was jazzed to see the pronoun spot because I thought it would really help out with this whole matter.
I inserted she, her right off when joining. There have been more than a few times that I have been addressed as he or him just as it was on the dash site. And every single time this has happened it has been by a femme. I don't get it! We have the place to clearly state what we want, yet, this keeps happening. And I keep seeing statements about most butches identifying as female. What is this based upon? Are there some site stats around that I don't know about? I have no idea what the breakdown is. I honestly don't believe this to be true, but could certainly be wrong. And there are butches that (as you state) don't list pronouns or don't care which are used. My guess is that in those cases, pronouns default to male. Again, I have no data to support this and probably should not make this assumption- could just be a personal sensitivity.
Something I have thought about is that perhaps we butches might just have more of a sensitivity about this. Again, I have no idea. I do know that it is important to me to use the pronoun(s) that another butch prefers.
Now, to be fair, I would think that the same thing has happened for male-identified butches. I have no idea. I want to believe this is so.
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I appreciate you both responding to my post. I guess I must live under a rock to be surprised by this happening to AtLast? I truly am surprised that with this system in place, and knowing the sensitivities of many male and female idetified butches to pronouns, that people wouldn't take a simple minute to glance at the avatar. People make mistakes and newbies may not think things through, or people post quickly without thinking based on their internal default (that is created by the "world" that they grew up in, I think), but since we have a place for pronouns here?Come on..take a minute to look! I mean, again, I can see mistakes, but.....
Anyway, I really think that if more butches used the spot maybe people would begin to naturally look before posting.
Does anyone else see this as a potential solution to our pronoun default problem...or that it could at least decrease the problem? We can talk about being upset about the default, but here is something people can start doing to try to change the default to there no longer being a default
Last thing is that yes, it does make sense to me, AtLast, that butches might be more conscious of using the preferred pronouns of other butches because for many of us, pronouns are important. Butches have felt the sting of being called "she" or "he". So, it makes sense.