Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

SuperFemme · 07-15-2010, 10:47 AM

i am in incredible pain right now but feel compelled to post.

i thank everyone for participating, its an important conversation.

i want to reiterate AGAIN that giving a pass is not about erasing empathy and compassion. people don't seem to be getting that message....

a "pass" is a different set of rules for DA people and a complete lack of personal responsibility.

as the Disability Ambassador for the site, i can assure you that the planet goes out of it's way to take into account peoples DA's.

what the planet is not going to do (i'm pretty sure) is to make DA people a special class that is not responsible for their own behaviors.

i also find it SO incredibly dismissing that as a DA person asking to be treated that same as everyone else, that i am hearing over and over (by non DA'd people no less) how important it is for me to be treated differently.

christie, you assumed snow was talking about a specific member and claimed you knew because of specific interactions you had witnessed. she told you it was not. i found your responses to snow incredibly dismissive.

after reading this thread, i worry that a woman who has been raped, stalked, harassed, etc. will come to this thread and read that if a DA person is the perp that they are not protected. in fact it really feels like some people have twisted it into a "blame the victim" kind of thing, by shaming the offended person. saying it is up to the offended person to not be offended is beyond the pale IMO. and i'm not talking about hurt feelings or simply not getting along. i am talking about the rules that are in place here to make it safe for everyone.

some of the examples given as reasons for a different set of rules are really really a far stretch.

for instance the example of somebody being 25 but congnitively 13. Even 5 year olds know the difference between right and wrong. this is an adult website and when i first came to the b/f online community 9 years ago?
i was about 5 or 6 on a cognitive level. i was banned about 3 times during that period. i was not able to exist in an adult environment, and when i was able to? i came back.

i don't even want to get into how damaging it would be for members to go around assigning age, cognitive level, and diagnosis for our DA membership. can you imagine?

i also was really upset by the poor example of a drunk driver killing somebody vs. a person having a heart attack and killing someone. seriously? drunk driving is a fucking choice that kills thousands every year. i was almost one of those. to compare it to a medical emergency and attempt to assign "intent" to it is a red herring. there is no such thing as DWCA (driving with clogged arteries) is there? there is absolute intent when a person gets behind the wheel drunk.

i'm running out of steam, but i want everyone to know that the mods and admins deal with issues on a case by case basis. that has been said many many times, and it is absolutely true.

so social blunder, awkwardness, cognitive issues and all other things attached to DA people is always taken into account.

the owners and mods must also take every single member into account and what is safe sometimes.

i AM DA'd. I want the same rules. When people who are not DA'd come along and purport to know what's best for me and then lower their expectations it sends me a message. that message is that i will never be like you.

when i am sent the message that i am responsible for my actions, you can bet that i am going to rise to the level of expectation that is given to me.

it's rare that i've run into a DA'd person who does not.

at rehab i'd see the over protective mom, wheeling her kid around, feeding her lunch, and even attempting to sit in classes such as social skills. once the staff banned the mom from the property the child improved by leaps and bounds. why? because they rose to the level of expectations that the rehab put upon them.

i am always going to treat all members as human beings. that means compassion and empathy being extended. will i make mistakes? you bet.
but i am not about to diminish the other DA'd members here by expecting nothing of them. we're a great bunch, and there are a LOT of DA'd members here who won't out themselves as DA'd because they don't want to be viewed through that lens.

i don't blame them.

i don't know if any of this makes any sense, i shouldn't even be posting the day after surgery and my pain level is about a 13 right now.

07-15-2010, 10:47 AM	#140
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	i am in incredible pain right now but feel compelled to post. i thank everyone for participating, its an important conversation. i want to reiterate AGAIN that giving a pass is not about erasing empathy and compassion. people don't seem to be getting that message.... a "pass" is a different set of rules for DA people and a complete lack of personal responsibility. as the Disability Ambassador for the site, i can assure you that the planet goes out of it's way to take into account peoples DA's. what the planet is not going to do (i'm pretty sure) is to make DA people a special class that is not responsible for their own behaviors. i also find it SO incredibly dismissing that as a DA person asking to be treated that same as everyone else, that i am hearing over and over (by non DA'd people no less) how important it is for me to be treated differently. christie, you assumed snow was talking about a specific member and claimed you knew because of specific interactions you had witnessed. she told you it was not. i found your responses to snow incredibly dismissive. after reading this thread, i worry that a woman who has been raped, stalked, harassed, etc. will come to this thread and read that if a DA person is the perp that they are not protected. in fact it really feels like some people have twisted it into a "blame the victim" kind of thing, by shaming the offended person. saying it is up to the offended person to not be offended is beyond the pale IMO. and i'm not talking about hurt feelings or simply not getting along. i am talking about the rules that are in place here to make it safe for everyone. some of the examples given as reasons for a different set of rules are really really a far stretch. for instance the example of somebody being 25 but congnitively 13. Even 5 year olds know the difference between right and wrong. this is an adult website and when i first came to the b/f online community 9 years ago? i was about 5 or 6 on a cognitive level. i was banned about 3 times during that period. i was not able to exist in an adult environment, and when i was able to? i came back. i don't even want to get into how damaging it would be for members to go around assigning age, cognitive level, and diagnosis for our DA membership. can you imagine? i also was really upset by the poor example of a drunk driver killing somebody vs. a person having a heart attack and killing someone. seriously? drunk driving is a fucking choice that kills thousands every year. i was almost one of those. to compare it to a medical emergency and attempt to assign "intent" to it is a red herring. there is no such thing as DWCA (driving with clogged arteries) is there? there is absolute intent when a person gets behind the wheel drunk. i'm running out of steam, but i want everyone to know that the mods and admins deal with issues on a case by case basis. that has been said many many times, and it is absolutely true. so social blunder, awkwardness, cognitive issues and all other things attached to DA people is always taken into account. the owners and mods must also take every single member into account and what is safe sometimes. i AM DA'd. I want the same rules. When people who are not DA'd come along and purport to know what's best for me and then lower their expectations it sends me a message. that message is that i will never be like you. when i am sent the message that i am responsible for my actions, you can bet that i am going to rise to the level of expectation that is given to me. it's rare that i've run into a DA'd person who does not. at rehab i'd see the over protective mom, wheeling her kid around, feeding her lunch, and even attempting to sit in classes such as social skills. once the staff banned the mom from the property the child improved by leaps and bounds. why? because they rose to the level of expectations that the rehab put upon them. i am always going to treat all members as human beings. that means compassion and empathy being extended. will i make mistakes? you bet. but i am not about to diminish the other DA'd members here by expecting nothing of them. we're a great bunch, and there are a LOT of DA'd members here who won't out themselves as DA'd because they don't want to be viewed through that lens. i don't blame them. i don't know if any of this makes any sense, i shouldn't even be posting the day after surgery and my pain level is about a 13 right now.