The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

[SuperFemme]

i am in incredible pain right now but feel compelled to post.

i thank everyone for participating, its an important conversation.

i want to reiterate AGAIN that giving a pass is not about erasing empathy and compassion. people don't seem to be getting that message....

a "pass" is a different set of rules for DA people and a complete lack of personal responsibility.

as the Disability Ambassador for the site, i can assure you that the planet goes out of it's way to take into account peoples DA's.

what the planet is not going to do (i'm pretty sure) is to make DA people a special class that is not responsible for their own behaviors.

i also find it SO incredibly dismissing that as a DA person asking to be treated that same as everyone else, that i am hearing over and over (by non DA'd people no less) how important it is for me to be treated differently.

christie, you assumed snow was talking about a specific member and claimed you knew because of specific interactions you had witnessed. she told you it was not. i found your responses to snow incredibly dismissive.

after reading this thread, i worry that a woman who has been raped, stalked, harassed, etc. will come to this thread and read that if a DA person is the perp that they are not protected. in fact it really feels like some people have twisted it into a "blame the victim" kind of thing, by shaming the offended person. saying it is up to the offended person to not be offended is beyond the pale IMO. and i'm not talking about hurt feelings or simply not getting along. i am talking about the rules that are in place here to make it safe for everyone.

some of the examples given as reasons for a different set of rules are really really a far stretch.

for instance the example of somebody being 25 but congnitively 13. Even 5 year olds know the difference between right and wrong. this is an adult website and when i first came to the b/f online community 9 years ago?
i was about 5 or 6 on a cognitive level. i was banned about 3 times during that period. i was not able to exist in an adult environment, and when i was able to? i came back.

i don't even want to get into how damaging it would be for members to go around assigning age, cognitive level, and diagnosis for our DA membership. can you imagine?

i also was really upset by the poor example of a drunk driver killing somebody vs. a person having a heart attack and killing someone. seriously? drunk driving is a fucking choice that kills thousands every year. i was almost one of those. to compare it to a medical emergency and attempt to assign "intent" to it is a red herring. there is no such thing as DWCA (driving with clogged arteries) is there? there is absolute intent when a person gets behind the wheel drunk.

i'm running out of steam, but i want everyone to know that the mods and admins deal with issues on a case by case basis. that has been said many many times, and it is absolutely true.

so social blunder, awkwardness, cognitive issues and all other things attached to DA people is always taken into account.

the owners and mods must also take every single member into account and what is safe sometimes.

i AM DA'd. I want the same rules. When people who are not DA'd come along and purport to know what's best for me and then lower their expectations it sends me a message. that message is that i will never be like you.

when i am sent the message that i am responsible for my actions, you can bet that i am going to rise to the level of expectation that is given to me.

it's rare that i've run into a DA'd person who does not.

at rehab i'd see the over protective mom, wheeling her kid around, feeding her lunch, and even attempting to sit in classes such as social skills. once the staff banned the mom from the property the child improved by leaps and bounds. why? because they rose to the level of expectations that the rehab put upon them.

i am always going to treat all members as human beings. that means compassion and empathy being extended. will i make mistakes? you bet.
but i am not about to diminish the other DA'd members here by expecting nothing of them. we're a great bunch, and there are a LOT of DA'd members here who won't out themselves as DA'd because they don't want to be viewed through that lens.

i don't blame them.

i don't know if any of this makes any sense, i shouldn't even be posting the day after surgery and my pain level is about a 13 right now.

[adorable]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

i am in incredible pain right now but feel compelled to post.

I know you just got out of the hospital and I hope you feel better soon.

i thank everyone for participating, its an important conversation.

i want to reiterate AGAIN that giving a pass is not about erasing empathy and compassion. people don't seem to be getting that message....

a "pass" is a different set of rules for DA people and a complete lack of personal responsibility.

as the Disability Ambassador for the site, i can assure you that the planet goes out of it's way to take into account peoples DA's.

I agree.

what the planet is not going to do (i'm pretty sure) is to make DA people a special class that is not responsible for their own behaviors.

i also find it SO incredibly dismissing that as a DA person asking to be treated that same as everyone else, that i am hearing over and over (by non DA'd people no less) how important it is for me to be treated differently.

This is the discussion part that you mentioned earlier. And I assume why you started the thread.

christie, you assumed snow was talking about a specific member and claimed you knew because of specific interactions you had witnessed. she told you it was not. i found your responses to snow incredibly dismissive.



after reading this thread, i worry that a woman who has been raped, stalked, harassed, etc. will come to this thread and read that if a DA person is the perp that they are not protected. in fact it really feels like some people have twisted it into a "blame the victim" kind of thing, by shaming the offended person. saying it is up to the offended person to not be offended is beyond the pale IMO. and i'm not talking about hurt feelings or simply not getting along. i am talking about the rules that are in place here to make it safe for everyone.

I have been raped, stalked and harrassed and it happened when I was 9 months pregnant. That person was a sociopath which does make someone differently abled. He was given a pass for his behavior by society and sentanced to a mental hospital for 30 days of which he stayed 15whole days. Until he did the same thing again in another state to another woman and was sent to prison for six years. As a participant in this thread, I haven't read any posts or interpreted it to mean that I personally am not protected the same way I would be anywhere on the internet.

I also don't see the blame the victim thing since it's been said at least a dozen times that this thread isn't about any particular person or situation. I was having a discussion about whether or not people should be given a pass. If the answer is already clear and defined then discussing it is kind of moot, no?

some of the examples given as reasons for a different set of rules are really really a far stretch.

for instance the example of somebody being 25 but congnitively 13. Even 5 year olds know the difference between right and wrong. this is an adult website and when i first came to the b/f online community 9 years ago?
i was about 5 or 6 on a cognitive level. i was banned about 3 times during that period. i was not able to exist in an adult environment, and when i was able to? i came back.

I agree. That makes a lot of sense to me.

i don't even want to get into how damaging it would be for members to go around assigning age, cognitive level, and diagnosis for our DA membership. can you imagine?

I agree.
i also was really upset by the poor example of a drunk driver killing somebody vs. a person having a heart attack and killing someone. seriously? drunk driving is a fucking choice that kills thousands every year. i was almost one of those. to compare it to a medical emergency and attempt to assign "intent" to it is a red herring. there is no such thing as DWCA (driving with clogged arteries) is there? there is absolute intent when a person gets behind the wheel drunk.

Actually that is exactly what I said.

i'm running out of steam, but i want everyone to know that the mods and admins deal with issues on a case by case basis. that has been said many many times, and it is absolutely true.

so social blunder, awkwardness, cognitive issues and all other things attached to DA people is always taken into account.

the owners and mods must also take every single member into account and what is safe sometimes.

i AM DA'd. I want the same rules. When people who are not DA'd come along and purport to know what's best for me and then lower their expectations it sends me a message. that message is that i will never be like you.

when i am sent the message that i am responsible for my actions, you can bet that i am going to rise to the level of expectation that is given to me.


it's rare that i've run into a DA'd person who does not.

I have seen people who aren't DA be able to live up to other people's expectations. My experience is not everyone's experience and I don't feel that I should be the standard for others.

at rehab i'd see the over protective mom, wheeling her kid around, feeding her lunch, and even attempting to sit in classes such as social skills. once the staff banned the mom from the property the child improved by leaps and bounds. why? because they rose to the level of expectations that the rehab put upon them.

Good point.

i am always going to treat all members as human beings. that means compassion and empathy being extended. will i make mistakes? you bet.
but i am not about to diminish the other DA'd members here by expecting nothing of them. we're a great bunch, and there are a LOT of DA'd members here who won't out themselves as DA'd because they don't want to be viewed through that lens.

i don't blame them.

i don't know if any of this makes any sense, i shouldn't even be posting the day after surgery and my pain level is about a 13 right now.

Again. I sincerely hope you feel better soon.

[Apocalipstic]

Welcome back SuperFemme! xoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

I think this has been a great thread to open up a dialog on this important subject.

On the subject of form letter answers or emails from the Mods, I have received emails from mods that I thought were form emails too. However after discussing with June and really thinking about how many emails the Mods and owners have to send out, I suspect that they have a set answer (in their heads) to things, that is very professional and to the point and does, to someone who processes a little differently like me or Belle, look like a form letter.

I don't think anyone is saying that you need to be treated differently, just that someone AS or Autistic processes completely differently, and after a life of being told we are stupid and lazy and all sorts of things for not conforming to everyone else there often is an anger issue when we are asked to change that, if taken into account early in the interaction, can keep things from escalating into a big angry mess where people say a bunch of stuff they don't really mean in anger.

No one is saying that abusing and stalking should be allowed.

I think it is awesome that we have you to go to in cases where someone feels misunderstood. Is there a possibility that June or Medusa could serve as back up Ambassador in cases where you might need a day off? I am not the best at communicating, but I could even help contact June or Medusa or whomever you think would be good.

Hope you feel better!

[The_Lady_Snow]

Wouldn't the Ambassador's back ups be the Moderators or Admins?

Curious.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Wouldn't the Ambassador's back ups be the Moderators or Admins?

Curious.

I would think so, but it might help to have a specific person who understands the issue.

Not trying to be an ass.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I would think so, but it might help to have a specific person who understands the issue.

Not trying to be an ass.

Please help me understand

We have SF the Ambassador

then the rest of the Mods

which leads to the Site Owners

How are all these people not understanding the issues?

I am confused

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Please help me understand

We have SF the Ambassador

then the rest of the Mods

which leads to the Site Owners

How are all these people not understanding the issues?

I am confused

Say SF is unable to use the computer. Maybe someone with special issues might feel more comfortable going to the same mod who maybe is the one who looks over the mental health threads or is familiar with special needs issues.

Nothing against SF, she is wonderful and I am so thankful for her! She can't be around 24/7, no one can.

Does that make more sense?

[JustBeingMe]

I am a HUGE FAN of the Infamous IGGY BUTTON!! It works well and keeps me from acting like an idiot engaging in drama online. I just hate drama!! I want no part of it from ANYONE, abled or differently abled for that matter.

Signed,
IGGY USER