[Bit]

Dear Kansas,

When did you change your name, and why wasn't I notified 72 hours in advance?

I spend my days with my skin as wet as if I had just gotten out of the shower, and I wear clothes as wet as if they had just come out of the washer. I cannot breathe when I go outside and my dining room is back up to 84 degrees, even with four fans, an air cleaner, and two air conditioners running non-stop.

You lured me in with a summer so cool and rainy it out-Seattled Seattle. You then teased me with Autumn signs in July and August. For three summers, you sheltered me with storms and clouds and lovely coolness. And now that I am settled in, Kansas, you have pulled a bait-and-switch on me? From out-Seattling Seattle, you expect me to accept out-Floriding Florida?

I call false advertising, Kansas! I cry foul!

Give me my money back.

Disgruntled Summer Consumer