[Julie]

I fell!
A couple days ago - I had a meltdown. A genuine meltdown directed at my three son's. I became hysterical (lol omg so dramatic) and stole one of Isa's (middle son's) cigs and smoked it, as if I had never quit. And then another. And then the next morning, snuck into his room and stole one out of his pack, and then another. Then yesterday same routine - except Isa left for the week and then some of Ben's friends came over who smoked and when they were not looking, I stole theirs!

How Pathetic!

I just charged my e-cig and at some point this morning will go get some mild filters. I am not sure why I cannot manage my emotions, except ---- I did just get my period, a week early and I am emotional for a variety of reasons -- But why the cigs? Why do we always reach for the cigs?

That is all - I am not ashamed, just a bit disappointed in myself. I am glad the kids left for a few days - I need to regroup and find some *me* time and get back on track. AND - I told Isa, you cannot come back home with cigarettes. I am not strong enough yet.

Julie