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02-19-2012, 06:08 AM

Day 20

My word don't the days build up...just not quickly enough; although there was a time in the very recent past where I couldn't even manage one day. Who wants to run before they can even walk huh? *puts hand up*

I must have consumed over 6/7 litres of liquid yesterday

After playing the addict fear, avoidance, self-hating game (posting here mostly) for most of the day yesterday and intermittently staring at a blank Word document I got myself along to an early evening meeting which is about 400yards from my front door - how cool is that? There was only 4 of us and a rather noisy child (I was the only person who doesn't have kids and found it really hard to shut out the racket he made all through the meeting but stuck in there anyway). I shared about how many benders this particular essay has led me to indulge in and how I'm still doing the same thing but sober. It's sick, sick thinking; something to beat myself up about but then I remember that I'm only just about 3 weeks sober and the first week of that was spent flat out in bed sleeping for 20hrs a day.

One of the guys at the meeting had really thought about my essay question as I'd mentioned it on Wednesday. We had a great conversation about it and he challenged me to go home and put down some words, any relevant words, on virtual paper. Walking the 400 yrds home was enough time to have a wee chatette with God and ask for some words. No bargaining though; no if you do this for me I'll do 'that' - God doesn't make bargains. I managed 106 words! Better than nothing and I'm grateful that my Word document is no long blank.

I need to email my wonderfully supportive 'kick-yer-butt-lady' today and let her know what's going on.

I was a good lil addict again last night and switched off my computer at 12.30am and went to bed to rest even if sleep didn't come for a while. I'm rather liking making this a regular routine, it feels 'normal' - jeepers I've never aspired to be 'normal', how bizarre.

Today, I'm really grateful to be sober.

02-19-2012, 06:08 AM	#1129
Daktari Guest Tournaments Won: 1 Posts: n/a My Photo Gallery	Day 20 My word don't the days build up...just not quickly enough; although there was a time in the very recent past where I couldn't even manage one day. Who wants to run before they can even walk huh? puts hand up I must have consumed over 6/7 litres of liquid yesterday After playing the addict fear, avoidance, self-hating game (posting here mostly) for most of the day yesterday and intermittently staring at a blank Word document I got myself along to an early evening meeting which is about 400yards from my front door - how cool is that? There was only 4 of us and a rather noisy child (I was the only person who doesn't have kids and found it really hard to shut out the racket he made all through the meeting but stuck in there anyway). I shared about how many benders this particular essay has led me to indulge in and how I'm still doing the same thing but sober. It's sick, sick thinking; something to beat myself up about but then I remember that I'm only just about 3 weeks sober and the first week of that was spent flat out in bed sleeping for 20hrs a day. One of the guys at the meeting had really thought about my essay question as I'd mentioned it on Wednesday. We had a great conversation about it and he challenged me to go home and put down some words, any relevant words, on virtual paper. Walking the 400 yrds home was enough time to have a wee chatette with God and ask for some words. No bargaining though; no if you do this for me I'll do 'that' - God doesn't make bargains. I managed 106 words! Better than nothing and I'm grateful that my Word document is no long blank. I need to email my wonderfully supportive 'kick-yer-butt-lady' today and let her know what's going on. I was a good lil addict again last night and switched off my computer at 12.30am and went to bed to rest even if sleep didn't come for a while. I'm rather liking making this a regular routine, it feels 'normal' - jeepers I've never aspired to be 'normal', how bizarre. Today, I'm really grateful to be sober.