*The women i mention have never been part of this site, i highly doubt they know that there is such a site*
I've only been in 2 serious relationships, well 3 if you count my first lover. Yeah, I guess she was a real relationship, I met her at work, (hence the rule I live by now...'ya don't shit where ya eat'!!).
I'd never been with a woman before, I'd never even allowed my mind to think about it! But damned if I didn't fall head over heels in love with her. Long story short i told her how I felt and for the next 3 months she "teased" me. It wasn't 'mean' kind of teasing..it was VERY sexual..damn!!
We FINALLY 'got together' and in a week she was gone, she couldn't deal with it. Iwas absolutely crushed. That was 28 years ago, she's been in 2 long term relationships with women and is now married to a man..
It turns out my bff is a very close friend of hers so due to this, we have become very good friends! And now it's MY turn to tease her! LoL!! Just like she did me! IF ya catch my drift!
My next relationship (about 3 years and MANY AA meetings later!) lasted for 7 years. We should have just been friends. I should have never had that kind of relationship with her. She was so loyal and generous! She was so generous that she bought me my first PC. She told me, "there's these things called 'chat rooms' and you can talk with people all over the world! You're gonna LOVE it!!"
She was right. I loved the chat rooms! I eventually found gay.com and I was off and running! I managed to meet someone and had an affair. I ended up leaving my partner for her. I'm so ashamed I did that to her!! I'll NEVER do that again!! I still haven't forgiven myself for that I'm so not sure that I ever will.
From what I understand, she has moved out of state and had twins with her partner. I've heard she is still very venomous when it comes to the subject of me.
I was with the 3rd one ("the affair"), for 14 years. We raised her 2 boys together and then karma raised it's ugly head, she is now with my ex best friend. I really thought we were "till death do us part". We had been married in our church! We were a family!
No, I'm not friends with her. I don't know if i ever will be.
I understand the venom that my second partner had! I feel the same way about the 3rd one and her current partner. I'm having a REAL hard time letting go of the anger I have towards both of them. Thinking about them everyday...being pissed.
Then a couple weeks ago, I was driving home from my mom's, she lives about 45 mins away by highway. The song "American Pie" was on and I had it turned up and was singing along when suddenly, I heard a voice..wait, I'm just gonna cut and paste what I posted about this incident on facebook..
i've been wrestling with a pretty big resentment and as the years go by...i seem to get more and more angry and resentful....today...i was driving south on 23...heading home from my moms...."american pie" by don maclean was on my ipod and i was singing along and suddenly...i had one of those..."God moments"...i actually heard myself reciting this:
...He said, in effect: "If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love."
seriously WHILE i was singing along with american pie!! where in the world have i heard that particular piece?
this is page 552 in the "Big Book of Alcoholics Annonymous"....
so now...i will pray....
So I did what it said, I prayed for them everyday. I asked that they have a loving, long lasting relationship. I haven't forgiven them but, I go 3 or 4 days without thinking about them! I'm begining to feel some peace...