[spritzerJ]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I've been thinking about this a lot, I was wondering. How do we (Femmes) stop, handle, fight against the June Cleaver comparison? How do we stop it from happening within our own community?

The June Cleaver comparison is just floats by me. I don't know why I just don't expect that folks would compare me to June. So I am not looking for it. Seriously I could miss a giant elephant in a room if I was focused on something else. And most days I focus on just being me, taking care of those I love, doing a good job and continuing to think for myself.

In our own community I think we start by examining ourselves, and when it comes up we question the person making a comparison. We listen to people define for themselves and emphasize that folks tell their own story. Create their own narratives and delineate between group, family and individual thinking and identity.

If it happened in my community, I'd emphasize individual choice. People need to be able to make their own choices. And I expect to be given that latitude. If it isn't given I assume it is and act that way. Maybe that is blind faith or ignorance. I am not a huge fighter and I don't give up.

(What I mean by this, when someone references the "Cleaver" way being the right way, the superior way)
I snort. Honestly I can not be expected to behave like a fictional TV character. I say that. The closest example I can come up with of this type of reference being stated as the right/superior way is my sister thinking I should stay home with The General, not date cause I've messed up relationships in the past. To this I say you do what is right for your family and I will do what is right for mine. I explain it as individual choice and how I won't be beholden to group think about my life.

How does that affect you internally as a Femme?
Honestly I question my self. Am I making the right choices for myself and my daughter. And if IF if I think that the effects are hard on my daughter (or my relationship) I do what I do... gather resources, research and get assistance. I accept my limits and don't let them turn me from my path.

Does it hurt your feelings? Do you get defensive?
Sure at times it does. Especially if people persist. Honestly people are usually surprised by my reaction of you go your way I'll go mine. and why would you box me in question? Folks honestly don't think their statements through.
I get defensive when the assumptions come from inside my community. Yet I am learning, like any community, I speak up for myself.

Curious.


(I am not talking about those who choose the dynamics and enjoy being caregivers, caretakers, stay at home wives etc)

In my life I choose to be a working woman. I am a mom who balances leading, coaching and letting my daughter lead. I am submissive in the bedroom (90% of the time) and allow my natural mushy lovey girl side show for my sweetie. At work I am big on making peace, finding a shared focus but not just rolling over to the dominate way of being. I accept my dichotomies.

I enjoy entertaining, throwing a great birthday party and being a gracious host. Those are ways I show I care about people. That is as close to June Cleaver as I may get.

All and all I am just me. June Cleaver is just a TV show. The way culture, people, communities make her out to be some figure of femme perfection is a sad commentary on how easily some folks let their view of women and our world be distorted. And I won't be lazy about confronting that limited way of thinking.

At one time in my life, college, I swore off capri pants as I was certain I would not wear clothing that harkened the 50's view of women. I own many capri pants now. I like how I look in them.

As for do identify as Femme? I am still exploring. I think femme is the best expression of myself in dress, mannerisms and many parts of myself. I am still wrapping my mind around the whole "gender" thing.