Cultivating Joy - How To

[Nat]

A thread for articles, studies, personal experiences, etc in the pursuit of cultivating joy.

[princessbelle]

Great thread Nat!!!!!

I've always considered myself an optimist. Like many, i try to always see the bright side of things. It can backfire when you are around negative people however and come across as being silly or immature or an airhead. I have no doubt that my journey of being a joyful and happy person gets on many nerves. LOL. That's ok, i can live with that.

My mom, for instance, says i'm too optimistic and refers to me as an ostrich putting my head in the sand when things are not so great. I don't see it that way and of course there are times when i am hateful, pissed, angry and my temper gets the best of me.

I believe everything we do and how we impact others' lives is a choice and we can choose whatever we want. In other words, i CHOOSE to be joyful. I certainly don't have to be. I also believe anyone can choose it as well. Meditating, of sorts, can lead me back to this "place" when i've faltered and let negative energy into my life. I just sit and honestly feel that place inside of my psyche that smiles. I let her grow and grow until she consumes me and i feel whole again. I have no doubt it is endorphins that allow me to feel wonderful.

Being joyful in life is a wonderful place to be. Even if i regress and my surroundings or people lead me to that darker existence, i am aware that i can reach that wonderful home of happy and will climb any mountain to reach it.

I found the link provided while looking around on the webs. Even though it is one of those "company" paid events that promise your employers a much happier work place, it does examine how that joyful place in our minds has a lot of positive effects and not just for the smile we wear on our faces. It helps with fighting disease and so on.

Also being around sick folks most of my time, i have found so much that being joyful can do when we share it. A soft touch, a smile even in our darkest, scariest times in life can really do much more than medication and can help people achieve a better life, even if it is just for a little while.

I remember i had a patient who was dying of cancer. His kidneys had already failed and he knew he only had a few days left. Holding his hand and praying with him one day, he said to me "You are the only person that has been around me in weeks that has smiled. People just seem to look at me and cry. You have no idea what that means to me." That really was a huge impact on my life and i hope on his.

I believe, one day, we will find that being joyful and happy can be much more important than any medication any man can produce.


http://www.emotionalhealthcentre.com...eak%20Peek.pdf

Endorphin Effect Strategies and EFT – Martine Moorby
Endorphins are the natural feel good hormones that every cell of our body is capable of producing. Their function is to relax tissue, eliminate pain, create feelings of pleasure and facilitate healing.
It is possible to produce endorphins deliberately. Attitude and focus are as important as the activity that you choose to undertake to release endorphins. When we educate ourselves and our clients to become more aware of our bodies and its sensations, when we and they understand how our attitudes support or undermine our relationship with our body, we can make healthier choices that increase our resilience and allow us to flourish in times of stress.
One way we trigger our chemistry is through the thoughts we have. You can easily check this for yourself.
-Imagine holding a lemon, feel its waxy, smooth, cool shape in your hand. Contemplate its bright yellow colour. Imagine cutting through it. See the cool juice squirting as the knife cuts through.
Now imagine biting into the lemon. Take a generous open-mouthed bite into the half you have just cut... and tune into your body.
You may be surprised by your chemical response.
In the same way, now recall a pleasurable memory. Tune into your body and give yourself permission to enjoy any pleasurable sensations that may have arisen.
Many people do not stop long enough to enjoy the endorphins they are producing in that moment. If anything, many of my clients find it harder to feel and allow pleasure to land and linger in their body, than to experience the immediate discomfort of the taste of tart lemon in their mouths.
This is where EFT is a wonderfully helpful tool, helping remove the blocks to allowing pleasure to land. These blocks are often what Gary Craig refers to as “the Writing on our Walls”, or the beliefs that have arisen from our history and the stories we tell ourselves. By changing our thoughts, we can change our experiences, and allow deep healing and transformation to take place.
Combining the Endorphin Effect Strategies with EFT allows you to take powerful, empowering transformative steps on your journey to wholeness.

[Gráinne]

I keep a "Joy Journal". Instead of bitching and complaining (OK, so I do write of those things too ), I set maybe 10 minutes and try to list as many things-however small-gave me joy. Whether it was laughing at the cat, a hug from the kids, or a funny TV show, I put it down. I think joy is a habit, just like being a sourpuss.

[Nat]

Designing your life

Step 1: Have a clear picture of the life that you want. You can look at books, you can go on the internet, you can do anything that's going to help you get a clear picture of your life. Once you get a clear picture of your life, you're going to begin to set a goal. As you set your goal, you are going to have unlimited thinking because you're training your mind to create the desires of your heart. When you have unlimited thinking, you will be concentrating on the things you desire, not the things that others want from you. You're going to silence the critic in your head. As you silence that critic, you set your goals. Questions that you ask:

1. What do I want for my life?

2. What do I want to experience?

3. What do I want to learn?

When you get these answers clear, this is going to give you a complete target for you to start on.

Step 2: Be aware of the moment. We know that the only time that we have is the moment right now. Be aware of the moment. This is the only moment. The future isn't here yet; the past has already happened, so let's have this moment. Your visions, your imaginings of the future of your life, the life that you desire, happen in this moment. Knowing this is your point of power, this moment, powerfully visualize the life that you desire. Powerfully visualize and imagine feeling yourself having that life, being in that life, having the person in that life that you desire. Powerfully see that.

Step 3: Trust. Trust what's happening. Trust yourself. Trust God, the Source, the Universe - whatever you use. Trust to know that by allowing and accepting, being in a space of receiving and giving, your life will take on new meaning.

Step 4: In order to start training your mind to create the desires of your heart, it's going to take some initiative on your part. I don't think anyone is going to come up to you and put you into action for the desires of your heart. You will have to do that for yourself.

So as we look at initiative, the questions that I ask are:

1. Do you move into action or do you wait for others to move you into action?

2. Do you design your life based on decisions others made for you?

3. Do you live your life based on what you think others want from you?

Imagine what would happen if you took the initiative in designing your best life. Designing your life relieves you of the stress of always having to be right and live up to others' expectations. Designing your life can be easier than you think with a little attention and initiative. Taking the initiative to rejuvenate your life on purpose gives you the opportunity to live your best life by giving you the freedom to discover who you are and the greater truth of why you're here. You can achieve your best life based on what you desire. Move into action today, design the life you desire.

- Cathy Hughes, owner and CEO of Radio One, Inc. and recipient of the NAACP Chairman's Award

[Soft*Silver]

I have a horticulture therapy Facebook page called The Garden of Joy...it brings people together who use the garden as a tangible and spiritual metaphor for the life we have and the life we want. Its based on acknowledging we have forgotten about joy. We tend now to focus on short term happiness: impulse buys; twitter words; latest fashions; buying books but not taking time to read them; etc. In TGOJ we explore what is in our "gardens" literally and figuritively

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by guihong

I keep a "Joy Journal". Instead of bitching and complaining (OK, so I do write of those things too ), I set maybe 10 minutes and try to list as many things-however small-gave me joy. Whether it was laughing at the cat, a hug from the kids, or a funny TV show, I put it down. I think joy is a habit, just like being a sourpuss.

I love this and am going to do it as well! Thank you for sharing, guihong!

[Medusa]

At least once a day, I wiggle my toes and give thanks that I can feel my feet and am not in a wheelchair as a paraplegic.

Sometimes more than once a day, I am thankful that my body works mostly the way I want it to.

Many times a day, I am thankful for having a job, for feeling safe, for having people who love me.

Often, I am thankful to know who I am as a woman and what my heart is about.

Giving thanks for very small things gives me an inner joy that reverberates loudly when I am having pity parties with myself.

There is a little story that I sometimes retell myself to help me remember my joy:

When I was 16, I worked at a dairy bar and we always had a bunch of strays dogs and cats around the back door.
One day, a very pregnant beagle came up by the back door and was obviously hungry and homeless. She was covered with fleas and was dirty as hell and stunk to high heaven.
I have her a hot dog and watched her trot off happily in the rain toward the open field behind the restaurant.

The image of that dog with biggo floppy ears trotting happily in the rain with a hot dog hanging from her snout reminded me that nothing I have ever been through is the same as a homeless pregnant dog in the rain scrounging for food. Even that dog was in survival mode.
Sometimes survival mode is all we've got.

[JAGG]

Great thread Nat thanks !
Every night before I go to sleep I think of 3 good things that happened to me that day. I guess I'm very lucky , I have a wonderful life, with so many things that bring me joy, that it's never hard to find joy. Even in the saddest of times , I can always find something to be happy about and something to look forward to.
I trust the universe will always take care of me and it always does.
Even when I think back at some tough times I realize the universe was doing me a huge favor, I just didn't know it at the time.

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by Medusa

At least once a day, I wiggle my toes and give thanks that I can feel my feet and am not in a wheelchair as a paraplegic.

Sometimes more than once a day, I am thankful that my body works mostly the way I want it to.

Many times a day, I am thankful for having a job, for feeling safe, for having people who love me.

Often, I am thankful to know who I am as a woman and what my heart is about.

Giving thanks for very small things gives me an inner joy that reverberates loudly when I am having pity parties with myself.

There is a little story that I sometimes retell myself to help me remember my joy:

When I was 16, I worked at a dairy bar and we always had a bunch of strays dogs and cats around the back door.
One day, a very pregnant beagle came up by the back door and was obviously hungry and homeless. She was covered with fleas and was dirty as hell and stunk to high heaven.
I have her a hot dog and watched her trot off happily in the rain toward the open field behind the restaurant.

The image of that dog with biggo floppy ears trotting happily in the rain with a hot dog hanging from her snout reminded me that nothing I have ever been through is the same as a homeless pregnant dog in the rain scrounging for food. Even that dog was in survival mode.
Sometimes survival mode is all we've got.

Thank you for every inch of this <3 Especially that last sentence!

[aishah]

i've been meaning to post in this thread for weeks and i keep forgetting nat...thank you so much for starting this thread. and thank you to everyone who's posted.

one of my favorite devotional writers says that gratitude is the basis of joy...so i've been trying to make a more conscious effort to write out what i'm grateful for. i made the "gratitude" thread my bookmark for bfp so i can remember to write in there more often

i've found brene brown's books extremely helpful for facilitating deeper connections with people in my life...and with myself. for me that's a big part of cultivating joy. her books i thought it was just me and the gifts of imperfection go into the roots of shame and how shame can create disconnection between people, and how to build resilience against shame and build connection with one another. she writes a lot about empathy and how to practice/develop our empathy skills. she also has two awesome ted talks

http://www.ted.com/speakers/brene_brown.html

[Metro]

I like to include comedy in my day... Molly Shannon, in particular, cracks me up -- I love it!


http://www.hulu.com/watch/282504/sat...-pretty-living

[Nat]

Something I heard today as a side-note on a podcast today:

Dwell on the good things.

Rumination is one of the things that I tend to do which kills my crop of joy (going with the cultivation theme here).

Consulting the oft-maligned and even-more-oft reference tool Wilipedia:

Rumination is a way of responding to distress that involves repetitively focusing on the symptoms of distress, and on its possible causes and consequences.[1] Rumination is more common in people who are pessimistic, neurotic, and who have negative attributional styles. The tendency to ruminate is a stable constant over time and serves as a significant risk factor for clinical depression. Not only are habitual ruminators more likely to become depressed, but experimental studies have demonstrated that people who are induced to ruminate experience greater depressed mood.[2] There is also evidence that rumination is linked to general anxiety, post traumatic stress, binge drinking, eating disorders, and self-injurious behavior.[1]

Rumination was originally believed to predict the duration of depressive symptoms. In other words, ruminating about problems was presumed to be a form of memory rehearsal which was believed to actually lengthen the experience of depression. The evidence now suggests that although rumination contributes to depression, it is not necessarily correlated with the duration of symptoms.[1]

Rumination is similar to worry except rumination focuses on bad feelings and experiences from the past, whereas worry is concerned over potential bad events in the future. Both rumination and worry are associated with anxiety and other negative emotional states.

It may not be so simple to just decide to dwell on the good things, but knowing this is either a cause or symptom of not-joy makes me think it's worth a try.

I used to think that pop-psych dogma of focusing on the positive or trying to *not think* about bad stuff was basically asking people to delude themselves and dwell in a sort of forced ignorance and disengenuity (sp?). But recognizing rumination as a crop-killer of joy gives me a better handle on the reasoning behind trying to change one's thoughts. I am believing more and more that thoughts are a type of behavior or action or habit - even if they seem relatively inconsequential if they remain unspoken.

My grandmother and her sister both have maintained a lifelong determination to be cheerful and positive and encouraging after having grown up in the depression and losing their brother when he was a young adult. I have to think its a survival skill.

[Nat]

"The intention in the beginning is to give enough attention and care to get to know our suffering. Just that movement itself is very powerful if the usual tendency is to avoid it or attack it or get angry or put your head in the sand: in a very adult and mature way, to sit up right, to stand up on your own two feet in a sense, and turn around and look at your suffering in an honest way. And to learn to do that without succumbing to despair, upset, anger, blame, self-pity - all the things that can get in the way.

Really looking at it - here, I am suffering, this is what's going on, let me look at it. Then the idea is not so you can just suffer better...This is only the entry point. If we look at it long enough, we can actually see the action, the thing that we're doing that's bringing about the suffering. What the Buddha said was that the action is attachment or clinging."

- Gil Fronsdale, Audio Dharma podcast

[Tcountry]

snip:

Originally Posted by guihong

...I think joy is a habit...

Exactly...
It is the every day choice to take time to remind ourselves.
A journal, garden, gratitude sayings, posts, waking up in the morning and being thankful that you were given another day...
Constant daily reminders...pets, people, stories...that no matter how bad it gets we are not alone, and we are not the only one who has been through this or worse.
Take as much negative out of your life as you possibly can...
Example...I really don't like hearing, reading, saying the word "hate"...was even hard to type it. You limit the negative and you cannot help but notice the positives.
Animals, people, smiles, sunshine, having a roof over your head and clothes on your back...not being hungry...being able to communicate with a loving family-like community. Take time to enjoy and delight in even the smallest simple things...
Then when bad things do happen, they are easier to handle. They are mistakes we won't make again. Bad choices we learn from. Circumstances that are beyong our control. We can handle it and move on. Everything happens for a reason, and leave it as that. What's meant to be will be.

Don't get discouraged...it takes 4 weeks of daily reminders to create a habit. But a lifetime of living with a more positive outlook is most definitely worth it.

*tip hat*

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by aishah

i've found brene brown's books extremely helpful for facilitating deeper connections with people in my life...and with myself. for me that's a big part of cultivating joy. her books i thought it was just me and the gifts of imperfection go into the roots of shame and how shame can create disconnection between people, and how to build resilience against shame and build connection with one another. she writes a lot about empathy and how to practice/develop our empathy skills. she also has two awesome ted talks

http://www.ted.com/speakers/brene_brown.html

I've just recently discovered this author as well. Currently reading her latest; "Daring Greatly" and finding it very helpful in defining specifics around feelings that can derail joy in order to build resilience against them, reclaiming happiness.

[Kätzchen]

My grand daughter awakens the joy in me: she’s spontaneously exploring the ‘world’ with curious eyes on everything and anything her eyes see. She’s so danged cute 🥰

Thanks for your thread ((( Nat ))) I hope you’re safe and well!

Here’s an article I found today that I think expresses important insights into how we can develop joy in our lives.

LINK: https://livehappy.com/mindset/how-to...llenging-world



Enjoy,

— K. ☺️

[easygoingfemme]

I got my first foster dog yesterday I had just started opening my mind to the idea and twice this week we had situations at work where we thought we were going to need to have a foster for a dog in our domestic violence shelter. The first one was worked out but the second was not so... last night I picked up a 3 year old Shih Tzu.

He is coming from a REALLY bad situation and I hope his mom is able to turn some things around soon so they can be reunited. He was very traumatized for his first 24 hours. Would just stand still, not making a sound, or sleeping in his crate. I was able to walk him a little. But he was hardly eating and hadn't had a drink in 24 hours. Stayed quiet in his crate all night. Today after work I soaked some of his dry food in chicken broth and was able to hand feed him some. Then... I never do grocery delivery but I was desperate for this boy and had some wet dog food delivered (and threw in other groceries to justify) and omg he inhaled it. Then he got the zoomies and brought me one of his toys and we played fetch until he tired out. Then we took a walk and he drank a bunch of water. It's a joy seeing him be able to relax and play.

[GeorgiaMa'am]

Originally Posted by easygoingfemme

I got my first foster dog yesterday . . .

Good for you for fostering a dog! Dogs are such an important part of people's families. I don't know what I'd do if I were in a situation where I became unhoused (Goddess forbid) and none of my friends or family could take me and/or Brittany.

There's an unhoused family living in our small town and they have a service dog who got away from them one day. They posted on our town's Facebook group. I never did find out what happened, but I'm worried about them.

[easygoingfemme]

Originally Posted by GeorgiaMa'am

Good for you for fostering a dog! Dogs are such an important part of people's families. I don't know what I'd do if I were in a situation where I became unhoused (Goddess forbid) and none of my friends or family could take me and/or Brittany.

There's an unhoused family living in our small town and they have a service dog who got away from them one day. They posted on our town's Facebook group. I never did find out what happened, but I'm worried about them.

Ugh, I hope they found their dog...

Our domestic violence shelter has a Red Rover grant, which gives us funding for things we needed to open our shelter for people to come in with their pets. It covers food, crates, leashes, medical expenses, boarding when needed, etc. It has made such a difference in people being able to leave unsafe situations because they can bring their animals. Unfortunately the family of the dog I am fostering had to flee because their abuser found them and the police needed to relocate them quickly. Now they are working on finding safe shelter where they can have the dog again. In the meantime, he is my sweet little visitor. He's really opening up and being a sweet silly little boy.