Platonic vs Romantic relationships

Ender · 11-17-2018, 11:58 PM

I don't really know how to say this, but I've been considering whether or not I'm gay or bi, or if my attractions to guys are purely platonic. I can notice a good-looking dude, but part of me isn't sure if I like him, want to be him, or if it's just one of those things where I just notice good-looking people. I don't imagine myself with guys in any way, nor do I imagine myself sleeping with them.

The one piece of advice I have gotten a while ago, was from a person who said (not in these words, but) the best way to know of an attraction is to experiment, essentially.

I can imagine myself with women, and pleasing a woman, but I just can't do the same with men. When I try and imagine myself with a man, it just doesn't feel right. Then again, I don't know if it's just the stereotypes around men and women that I don't like.

I feel like I answered my own question, but I do want to know if other people also experience platonic feelings for the opposite sex.

~ocean · 11-18-2018, 12:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ender

I don't really know how to say this, but I've been considering whether or not I'm gay or bi, or if my attractions to guys are purely platonic. I can notice a good-looking dude, but part of me isn't sure if I like him, want to be him, or if it's just one of those things where I just notice good-looking people. I don't imagine myself with guys in any way, nor do I imagine myself sleeping with them.

The one piece of advice I have gotten a while ago, was from a person who said (not in these words, but) the best way to know of an attraction is to experiment, essentially.

I can imagine myself with women, and pleasing a woman, but I just can't do the same with men. When I try and imagine myself with a man, it just doesn't feel right. Then again, I don't know if it's just the stereotypes around men and women that I don't like.

I feel like I answered my own question, but I do want to know if other people also experience platonic feelings for the opposite sex.

speaking for myself only ~ I like men as friends.. They can be handsome or not or just a really nice person ~ I don't want to sleep w/ them or seduce them ~ I am a very femme woman and of course men are very attracted to me ~ it's just not a mutual feeling I have ~ I've always been attracted to masculinity in a woman only .. ender you can be appreciate a mans looks and their personality ~ but who ( female or male ) u fall in love with defines if your gay or straight ~ if u can fall in love w/ both sexes ~ hell go for it lol enjoy life ~ live life ~ don't be so worried about having a partner like who you are first ~ life is fun . I don't agree with the saying I need someone to complete me ~ no one can complete u ~ those relationships are just a hair away of a break up ~ self love then share who you are ~ personally I could never be attracted to someone who didn't like themselves enough to be strong on their own . Don't think so hard ,live life !!

Ender · 11-18-2018, 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~ocean

speaking for myself only ~ I like men as friends.. They can be handsome or not or just a really nice person ~ I don't want to sleep w/ them or seduce them ~ I am a very femme woman and of course men are very attracted to me ~ it's just not a mutual feeling I have ~ I've always been attracted to masculinity in a woman only .. ender you can be appreciate a mans looks and their personality ~ but who ( female or male ) u fall in love with defines if your gay or straight ~ if u can fall in love w/ both sexes ~ hell go for it lol enjoy life ~ live life ~ don't be so worried about having a partner like who you are first ~ life is fun . I don't agree with the saying I need someone to complete me ~ no one can complete u ~ those relationships are just a hair away of a break up ~ self love then share who you are ~ personally I could never be attracted to someone who didn't like themselves enough to be strong on their own . Don't think so hard ,live life !!

I'm not in a rush to be in a relationship or anything, but sometimes I get worried if I'm making a mistake or trying to hard to be attracted to a certain sex.

~ocean · 11-18-2018, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ender

I'm not in a rush to be in a relationship or anything, but sometimes I get worried if I'm making a mistake or trying to hard to be attracted to a certain sex.

there has to be a support group for questioning bisexuals ~ even on line there is ~ if u have to try and it don't come natural then that's a hint !

Gemme · 11-18-2018, 07:31 AM

I can appreciate an attractive person, and definitely do, regardless of their gender or sexuality. It doesn't mean that I want to be bedded by them. Sometimes I just like their swag.

If you notice an attractive man but don't feel sexually drawn to them, then that's your answer. You are just appreciative of their attractiveness, be it physical, emotional or just their vibe. For me, there's no need to try to push the envelope or put my acknowledgement of their attractiveness under a microscope. If I don't feel something, it's not real. If I do, it is. Life is complicated enough so I try not to second guess my feelings or find any secret meanings in them and I don't try to force something that isn't there.

Breathless · 11-18-2018, 10:28 AM

I had this discussion with my daughter a few years ago, she wasn't sure if she was a lesbian, bi or just curious. I told her the label doesn't matter, and should never be to focus. To some extent, fall in love with your eyes closed, fall in love with someone for who they truly are on the inside, because really all those other things fade and gender shouldn't be part of the decision process. And you are allowed to be wrong, and you are allowed to change your mind, very important. We only get this one life, live it like it's yours! Doesn't matter what other people think or want for you, because if they are friends~~~ then your happy heart will be their goal too.

~ocean · 11-18-2018, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breathless

I had this discussion with my daughter a few years ago, she wasn't sure if she was a lesbian, bi or just curious. I told her the label doesn't matter, and should never be to focus. To some extent, fall in love with your eyes closed, fall in love with someone for who they truly are on the inside, because really all those other things fade and gender shouldn't be part of the decision process. And you are allowed to be wrong, and you are allowed to change your mind, very important. We only get this one life, live it like it's yours! Doesn't matter what other people think or want for you, because if they are friends~~~ then your happy heart will be their goal too.

beautifuly put Breathless ~

Blade · 11-19-2018, 07:27 AM

Interesting topic.

Chained Daisy · 11-19-2018, 08:49 AM

I have an extended family friend, he is a bio male, married for a long time. He is older than me, softly spoken, intense eyes with a gentle gaze and has a type of under stated, protective, Daddy energy about him, he is old school, well mannered and attentive. I feel very at ease in his company, he is both charming and engaging and I am very fond of him. Some years ago I momentarily pondered if I was attracted to him but instantly knew I wasn't as the mere thought of any intimacy with him flipped the off button for me. I realised it wasn't him I was drawn to but the traits that he possesses that I find attractive. They are all traits I have truly seldom found clustered together in a bio guy and yet often found in Butches.

JDeere · 12-27-2018, 01:13 AM

I have many cis male friends in real life, there is no attraction to them whatsoever, it is definitely a buddy deal.

I also have platonic friendships with the ladies, however my circle is very close knit and "my people" know I don't go after every lady I look at or am attracted to every lady I look at.

So yes you can have platonic friendships with men even if you see an attraction which may be attributes you may like in a partner.

homoe · 01-30-2021, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breathless

I had this discussion with my daughter a few years ago, she wasn't sure if she was a lesbian, bi or just curious. I told her the label doesn't matter, and should never be to focus. To some extent, fall in love with your eyes closed, fall in love with someone for who they truly are on the inside, because really all those other things fade and gender shouldn't be part of the decision process. And you are allowed to be wrong, and you are allowed to change your mind, very important. We only get this one life, live it like it's yours! Doesn't matter what other people think or want for you, because if they are friends~~~ then your happy heart will be their goal too.

.....

Stone-Butch · 01-30-2021, 11:51 AM

Personally I think both types of relationships are important. I have a couple of male friends that I am very close to and it is totally platonic both ways. I also have platonic relationships with women, have had all my life. I have found that many romantic relationships can start out platonic and grow into a romantic relationship. I think we will definitly know when the love bug hits us. Meantime I am happy having platonic relationships and will wait till the romantic feelings come along. Best to make sure it is felt by both people involved before we start having romantic feelings and perhaps spoil a good platonic relationship.

11-17-2018, 11:58 PM	#1
Ender Member How Do You Identify?: Male (trans) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him Relationship Status: Single Join Date: May 2017 Location: Canada Posts: 198 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 226 Thanked 463 Times in 162 Posts Rep Power: 3629296	Platonic vs Romantic relationships I don't really know how to say this, but I've been considering whether or not I'm gay or bi, or if my attractions to guys are purely platonic. I can notice a good-looking dude, but part of me isn't sure if I like him, want to be him, or if it's just one of those things where I just notice good-looking people. I don't imagine myself with guys in any way, nor do I imagine myself sleeping with them. The one piece of advice I have gotten a while ago, was from a person who said (not in these words, but) the best way to know of an attraction is to experiment, essentially. I can imagine myself with women, and pleasing a woman, but I just can't do the same with men. When I try and imagine myself with a man, it just doesn't feel right. Then again, I don't know if it's just the stereotypes around men and women that I don't like. I feel like I answered my own question, but I do want to know if other people also experience platonic feelings for the opposite sex.

11-18-2018, 07:31 AM	#5
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,496 Thanked 108,174 Times in 25,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	I can appreciate an attractive person, and definitely do, regardless of their gender or sexuality. It doesn't mean that I want to be bedded by them. Sometimes I just like their swag. If you notice an attractive man but don't feel sexually drawn to them, then that's your answer. You are just appreciative of their attractiveness, be it physical, emotional or just their vibe. For me, there's no need to try to push the envelope or put my acknowledgement of their attractiveness under a microscope. If I don't feel something, it's not real. If I do, it is. Life is complicated enough so I try not to second guess my feelings or find any secret meanings in them and I don't try to force something that isn't there. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

11-18-2018, 10:28 AM	#6
Breathless Brat Extraordinaire How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Happy Tournaments Won: 23 Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Alberta Canada Posts: 1,412 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,549 Thanked 4,099 Times in 958 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I had this discussion with my daughter a few years ago, she wasn't sure if she was a lesbian, bi or just curious. I told her the label doesn't matter, and should never be to focus. To some extent, fall in love with your eyes closed, fall in love with someone for who they truly are on the inside, because really all those other things fade and gender shouldn't be part of the decision process. And you are allowed to be wrong, and you are allowed to change your mind, very important. We only get this one life, live it like it's yours! Doesn't matter what other people think or want for you, because if they are friends~~~ then your happy heart will be their goal too. __________________ *BE the change you wish to see in the world. Gandhi*

11-19-2018, 07:27 AM	#8
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,418 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Interesting topic. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

11-19-2018, 08:49 AM	#9
Chained Daisy Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: May 2017 Location: Usually underneath a cat Posts: 827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,673 Thanked 1,812 Times in 531 Posts Rep Power: 21474844	I have an extended family friend, he is a bio male, married for a long time. He is older than me, softly spoken, intense eyes with a gentle gaze and has a type of under stated, protective, Daddy energy about him, he is old school, well mannered and attentive. I feel very at ease in his company, he is both charming and engaging and I am very fond of him. Some years ago I momentarily pondered if I was attracted to him but instantly knew I wasn't as the mere thought of any intimacy with him flipped the off button for me. I realised it wasn't him I was drawn to but the traits that he possesses that I find attractive. They are all traits I have truly seldom found clustered together in a bio guy and yet often found in Butches. __________________ Formerly known as Daisy Chain I am half agony, half hope, Jane Austen

12-27-2018, 01:13 AM	#10
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,845 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474864	I have many cis male friends in real life, there is no attraction to them whatsoever, it is definitely a buddy deal. I also have platonic friendships with the ladies, however my circle is very close knit and "my people" know I don't go after every lady I look at or am attracted to every lady I look at. So yes you can have platonic friendships with men even if you see an attraction which may be attributes you may like in a partner.

01-30-2021, 11:51 AM	#12
Stone-Butch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stonebutch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 3,614 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,204 Thanked 9,274 Times in 2,994 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Platonic vs Romantic Relationships Personally I think both types of relationships are important. I have a couple of male friends that I am very close to and it is totally platonic both ways. I also have platonic relationships with women, have had all my life. I have found that many romantic relationships can start out platonic and grow into a romantic relationship. I think we will definitly know when the love bug hits us. Meantime I am happy having platonic relationships and will wait till the romantic feelings come along. Best to make sure it is felt by both people involved before we start having romantic feelings and perhaps spoil a good platonic relationship.