Changing last names

[stephfromMIT]

Amanda and I were in bed the other night. She was lazily stroking my pit hair and said,"Hun, I've been thinking." I got scared, and she smiled,"Baby, don't worry, we're still getting married." I calmed down and asked,"Then what is it?" She told me,"When we get married, I'm taking your last name." I smiled,"Amanda Thompson does sound nice."

So, did/will you or your SO change their last name if/when you marry/have commitment ceremony?

[Blaze]

That's really terrific for the both of you...
In the islands, I had 5 couples that are my friends, and they all did legally change their last names, be it to their butches last or their femme's last name. And only 1 broke up years later. It's not legal to marry in Hawaii so they did the Holy Union style. They complained of it being costly, but they did what they felt best for their needs. Wishing both of you happiness and congratulations!

[Canela]

I have always thought I might hyphen my name with his...I like the idea of having his name.

[Corkey]

Yes she did. So we went to LegalZoom.com got the package, filled out all the forms, did the local paper, went to court and voila, then we went to Canada and got married legally.
Came back and filed all the paperwork with creditors, drivers license, W4...etc. It cost us more than a heterosexuals marriage would, but it is still worth it. I would seriously look up what hoops you have to jump through, and I would seriously recommend Legal Zoom for the paperwork, it all went smoothly.

[thedivahrrrself]

I'm thinking "de (insert his last name)" sounds good

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

Amanda and I were in bed the other night. She was lazily stroking my pit hair and said,"Hun, I've been thinking." I got scared, and she smiled,"Baby, don't worry, we're still getting married." I calmed down and asked,"Then what is it?" She told me,"When we get married, I'm taking your last name." I smiled,"Amanda Thompson does sound nice."

So, did/will you or your SO change their last name if/when you marry/have commitment ceremony?

Nope i have not and would not do this. Just not for me.

[DapperButch]

tantalizing says that if we marry/civil union, then she will take my last name.

[Kobi]

I wouldnt take a partners last name and I would be reluctant for them to take mine.

It's a highly personal thing, partly steeped in history i.e. the name change indicated the shift of "ownership" from father to husband. That dynamic isnt me in any way, thus it is not appealing.

Symbolically, even a hyphen indicates a "belonging to" in a way that makes me twitch.

I prefer thinking of marriage, which is legal here, as a partnership of two individuals who have chosen to be together, mindful that each brings their own history, individuality, and legacy to the whole. To me, each retaining their own name and own historical legacy reflects this.

[Bard]

Desd took my last name it meant a lot to me one thing I could give to her that I have never given to anyone

[cinnamongrrl]

This brings up and interesting line of thinking....I DO want to take Teddy's name when we get married....but then I will have a different name than my children. I suppose, their being both girls...its inevitable that this will occur at some time...I guess it would be silly of me to hold on to an old name for this reason. And truly, I dont have a name to go back to that's really mine....long story there....
';

[nekohl]

my last name is too awesome to give up.

[starryeyes]

Well, since my partner (Justin) and I both have the same name, (Lisa) it would be even more confusing if I took her last name.... Haha! People can barely keep us straight now.... Butch Lisa or girly Lisa!? Haha :-)

And all hell is still breaking loose after trying to change my last name back to my maiden name after my divorce. So no, never changin my name again. I might not even go back to my maiden name. Not sure. Ugh. The headaches of name changes. Just say NO! Haha :-)

[Little Fish]

I've thought about this a lot actually....

In my family's tradition, we each get a new name as we cross the threshold of adulthood. After a lengthy period (years) of spritual work etc, we relinquish our "baby" names to embrace one which is more fitting of who we are as adults. (but really, your Grandmother is always going to be calling you by your baby name so don't even think you're gonna escape that! Yes Gram I'm looking at you....) Some family members have elected to have this be their new legal name while other family members use this new "adult" name only among family and during ceremonial occasions.

My name is as unique to me as my fingerprint, it fits me perfectly. I hope my future partner would consider taking my name but it's not a deal-breaker at all. We each have different cultural traditions and opinions about names and certainly I respect Hers, whatever they are....

Having said that, it would be an immense honor if she chose to share my name. It's only in the receiving, that the gift is given.

[Reader]

A number of years ago I worked at an actively feminist agency. A straight woman got divorced from her husband, bought a new house and got an advanced degree all in the same year. These were big milestones in her life and she decided to have a naming ceremony/party to celebrate.

She invited people and instead of bringing gifts folks were to bring new names for her to consider, both first and last.

At the end of the night she chose both a new first and last name for herself and legally changed her name. She chose something with a feminist flavor that also "seemed" like her.

Pretty cool.

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

D and I have discussed this a little bit, and haven't really come to any decision yet. I would be open to taking her name, only with a hyphen to mine.

I first got married when I was 16 yrs old. I was married to him for 27 yrs. When I married my second husband, I took his name. When he and I split, I wondered what name to change to.... my maiden name? I didn't know that girl anymore, I had been so far removed from HER I wouldn't have recognized her if I saw her on the street, you know? Then would I change it back to my first married name? That didn't seem to make any sense either, even though that was my 2 son's last name. But they were adults, so that really wasn't an issue. So I decided to just stay with my name I had from husband #2. I was used to the name.

Now, 11 yrs later, I have a business, and a career, and an identity of ME, with "that" name. I have kinda just grown into it, and it is just ME.

So when D and I get married next year, the question is whether I will just retain my name different from hers, or take hers, or do the hyphen thing. I think we need to discuss it more. I do like what someone said in an earlier post here about having something to give that no one else can give (paraphrasing). I would like that, I think.

APG

[Soft*Silver]

my sweet nephew, when he married his wife, took her name and she took his and they hyphenated them. Legally. Everyone was so pleased with this!

After my divorce, I kept my married name so my daughter would not have a different name than I.

When I was married to my butch husband we talked about taking names. Instead, he took an internet affair and away he went...

I am not in position to worry about taking anyone's name but I do still have my "married" name. My daughter is married so why do I keep it? Like someone said, I have a business, several degrees, etc that have that name and I have indeed grown into it.

But I also want to not have that name. I havent decided WHAT name I want. I cant remember the girl I was with my maiden name. In fact, my first name has long been forgotten and I go by my nickname, so all of that name is gone.

I chanced upon my nickname...I think I need to chance upon the last name too

IF I were to get married...I would take my SOs last name..but he would have to take mine too. So...I need to know what that is...lol

[Canela]

Originally Posted by Little Fish

We each have different cultural traditions and opinions about names and certainly I respect Hers, whatever they are....

Having said that, it would be an immense honor if she chose to share my name. It's only in the receiving, that the gift is given.

I loved what you said here, Little Fish, thank you. I couldn't have put it any better.

I just want to explain why I feel the way I do:

I am a hispanic (latina) queer stone femme...I prefer partnering with a TG/FtM individual. I am from a very culturally submissive background (in my world/region/family). However--

I come from very activist parents (Chicanos ala Gloria Anzaldua)--my mother a feminist, my father a union organizer/steward--but that's another story...trust me, I am NOT a pushover...I am a strong, smart, honest, opinionated, independent, loving, amazing woman...I will not lower my head nor my standards for anyone...I do what I want, how I want, when I want, (hopefully in a very fair and loving way, but sometimes not)...

When I marry I would like to give something very precious and important to my partner. Not my power or voice, but my heart and my commitment to the relationship.

Even if I didn't partner with masculine identified personalities, and I chose to be married/civil union to someone other than that, to me--I would want to retain my own heritage/culture/traditions while adopting those of my partner, even if he/she is not of the same culture.

So, the hyphen comes from my consenting to take his name as a partner to our union--a gift of myself to him. He is my other half at that point, hence the hyphen. Half me, half him...

[stephfromMIT]

Originally Posted by Corkey

Yes she did. So we went to LegalZoom.com got the package, filled out all the forms, did the local paper, went to court and voila, then we went to Canada and got married legally.
Came back and filed all the paperwork with creditors, drivers license, W4...etc. It cost us more than a heterosexuals marriage would, but it is still worth it. I would seriously look up what hoops you have to jump through, and I would seriously recommend Legal Zoom for the paperwork, it all went smoothly.

We live in MA, so I'm 99% sure all we have to is indicate our "married name" on the marriage license.

[Leigh]

If I ever do get married, which I hope one day that I will, I would like to take my SO's last name

[laruss]

I still have my married name, which I only took so I would have the same name as my children it meant nothing to me. I was not property, it was just easier to have the same name.

My children are grown and are taking on new names. I have kept my last name because I would not go back to my maiden name. And quite frankly I like the energy of my name, it is who I am.

I changed my first name a few years ago so I know the importance of names. I know what it means to change your name and thus your identity.

I never thought I would change my last name again.

And then... something changed.

For the right person, a person I decided to share a family with, a life with; if their name was important to them I would change. I would gladly take their name and share a common bond within our family. It would be our commitment to each other, to our family, to our lives together.

Yes, I will gladly take your name.