07-07-2011, 09:30 PM | #1 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her, hey you! Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 514
Thanks: 204
Thanked 687 Times in 224 Posts
Rep Power: 5173240 |
Stone Femme?
After reading the Stone Butch thread, I decided that maybe we could open the door to discuss what it means to be a Stone Femme. And if the guys wish to participate, tell us what it is about a Stone Femme that gets you. I will start by copying and pasting my post from the Stone Butch thread.
The very first time I heard the term, I thought, "OK. They must smoke a lot of weed." I asked that question, and was very fortunate to have someone in my life who gently laughed and said, "No." When hy explained things to me, it made sense to me, but I also felt a curious mixture of excitement and repulsion. I told hym that I needed some time to digest what hy said. I understood why I was excited, but I couldn't wrap my head around why I was repulsed. After a couple of days and some serious searching, I came to the conclusion that it was too hetero. I was dedicated to my lesbian sex. I explained all of this to hym, and we agreed friends would be best. There was a nagging, deep feeling I couldn't shake about it all, though. I approached hym and asked hym to show me. And good God-Almighty, did hy ever! Things were so profound that I could no longer say that I was lesbian. I had been "flipped," as it were. It has been many years since that story, and I have learned that there is no predescribed definition. I have met stones who are hardcore no you don't touch me except for my back to stones who don't look at their biological sex as something other than a mini cock that should be worshiped. I think the point for me is that I am who I am. I am a pleaser and giver and a receiver. What all those mean depends on the relationship and what is agreed to and at any point agreements can change because there are no set rules for me.
__________________
now how can you ignore a dancing pink elephant? and how i so wish it would rain here. |
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to lillith For This Useful Post: | AlexHunter, Ben, Canela, DamselFly, DapperButch, fatallyblonde, gaea, Gemme, Greyson, Kent, PaPa, StoneOne, TenderKnight, tiggs, WingsOnFire, WolfyOne |
07-07-2011, 10:18 PM | #2 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Stonefemme lesbian Preferred Pronoun?:
I'm a woman. Behave accordingly. Relationship Status:
Single, not looking. Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,467
Thanks: 9,474
Thanked 7,144 Times in 1,206 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
My answer, copied and pasted from the Stone Butch thread:
Because I'm a stonefemme my ideal partner would be a stone butch. My late gf was nearly stone, so it worked out very well for us. She allowed a certain amount of touching under some rare circumstances, but it wasn't common for her to be very interested in that sort of thing. Quote: Originally Posted by lillith "... There was a nagging, deep feeling I couldn't shake about it all, though. I approached hym and asked hym to show me. And good God-Almighty, did hy ever! Things were so profound that I could no longer say that I was lesbian. I had been "flipped," as it were. ...I have met stones who are hardcore no you don't touch me except for my back to stones who don't look at their biological sex as something other than a mini cock that should be worshiped." I don't see why being a stonefemme, or a stone butch for that matter, means that we aren't lesbians. My late gf IDed as such, and I certainly do, too. She was an old school butch who IDed as a lesbian, stone butch, butch dyke, and/or leatherdyke top. All of those IDs were female to her, and she didn't feel compelled to call herself anything other than a woman. A very, VERY butch woman. She had a vagina and a clit, just like any other woman. Being stone meant that she was the pitcher. My stonefemme nature means I'm the catcher. No more, no less. I'm a lesbian and my sex is stone sex. I assume that no one on this site is going to be foolish enough to tell me that I'm not a lesbian because I'm a stonefemme. ******************************* Lilth, I'm not devaluing your experience, but I have to say that I'm persistently astonished that there are so many people who think that stone can't be lesbian. I agree that many have a vision of 'typical' lesbian sex which involves taking turns doing the same things to each other in an egalitarian way. I don't think I know many lesbians who actually have sex based on that model. Each person and every combination of people tends to do 'it' and each other however they most enjoy it. The sex act doesn't define who is a lesbian, but the gender of the participants in said act might.
__________________
Cheryl |
The Following 21 Users Say Thank You to CherylNYC For This Useful Post: |
07-07-2011, 10:28 PM | #3 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her, hey you! Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 514
Thanks: 204
Thanked 687 Times in 224 Posts
Rep Power: 5173240 |
Hey, Cheryl. Lets move this discussion here? I, again, agree with you. There are many variables to defining any kind of ID, including one's gender. Like I said in the Stone Butch thread, I simply wanted to express my experience and what I can encountered.
__________________
now how can you ignore a dancing pink elephant? and how i so wish it would rain here. |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lillith For This Useful Post: |
07-07-2011, 10:40 PM | #4 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femmesensual Transguy Preferred Pronoun?:
He, Him, His Relationship Status:
Dating Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Rio Vista, CA
Posts: 1,225
Thanks: 3,949
Thanked 3,220 Times in 757 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
I have heard various definitions of stone femme, so I am wondering what it means for you ladies.
|
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to atomiczombie For This Useful Post: |
07-07-2011, 11:01 PM | #5 | |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Stonefemme lesbian Preferred Pronoun?:
I'm a woman. Behave accordingly. Relationship Status:
Single, not looking. Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,467
Thanks: 9,474
Thanked 7,144 Times in 1,206 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
Quote:
My own manifestation of stonefemme is very much a part of my leather sexuality. I'm a masochist, and sexually submissive. As I noted above, I'm strictly a catcher, never a pitcher. That's very much tied up with sexual submission for me.
__________________
Cheryl |
|
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to CherylNYC For This Useful Post: |
07-07-2011, 11:08 PM | #6 | |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femmesensual Transguy Preferred Pronoun?:
He, Him, His Relationship Status:
Dating Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Rio Vista, CA
Posts: 1,225
Thanks: 3,949
Thanked 3,220 Times in 757 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
Quote:
|
|
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to atomiczombie For This Useful Post: |
07-08-2011, 05:15 AM | #7 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Stone Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
her/she Relationship Status:
single Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 2,271
Thanks: 717
Thanked 2,452 Times in 1,270 Posts
Rep Power: 11496122 |
I'm a stone femme and am very proud of it. I never realized that I was a Stone Femme untill I was in a relationship with a Stone Butch. When I found out what a Stone Butch was and what a Stone Femme was, I suddenly felt comlete. It seems to be hard to find a single Stone Butch, but I keep hoping that one will come along
|
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to cuddlyfemme For This Useful Post: |
07-08-2011, 07:21 AM | #8 | |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
human femme spitfire Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her Relationship Status:
it's official! Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: east coast USA
Posts: 1,167
Thanks: 3,758
Thanked 3,219 Times in 753 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Quote:
Many of the transmen I know are "stone" while exploring their sexuality in relation to their transition. Although they may not identify as such, their behavior and discomfort with manipulation of their genitalia suggests a stone mindset.
__________________
The joy of discovery is certainly the liveliest that the mind of man can ever feel. - Claude Bernard (1813-78) |
|
07-08-2011, 07:23 AM | #9 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
human femme spitfire Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her Relationship Status:
it's official! Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: east coast USA
Posts: 1,167
Thanks: 3,758
Thanked 3,219 Times in 753 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Okay, so I'm going to come right out and be blunt about this since I"m confused and need a straight answer about this. I apologize for any discomfort my brevity may cause, but I can assure you I am coming from a place of curiosity and not animosity.
So, a stone butch is one who does not want physical stimulation of their genitals, and a stone femme is someone who receives genital stimulation but does not stimulate their partner genitally. Is this correct? What if there is a butch or a femme who doesn't want to give or receive stimulation?
__________________
The joy of discovery is certainly the liveliest that the mind of man can ever feel. - Claude Bernard (1813-78) |
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to ScandalAndy For This Useful Post: |
07-08-2011, 07:55 AM | #10 | |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The roads are narrow here
Posts: 36,631
Thanks: 182,485
Thanked 108,779 Times in 25,691 Posts
Rep Power: 21474887 |
Quote:
For me, Stone means that there are boundaries in the way one likes to be touched (and not always just sexually). For some, those boundaries are finite and do not and will not change. For others, it depends on their partner as to what they are and are not comfortable with. For still others, they have some touch that do not allow and some that they do and still more that is fluid. Stone is not something that you can look up in the dictionary and say "Aha! This is it EXACTLY!" because it is individualized and just doesn't work that way. There are general guidelines, but it always comes down to the person. ASK him/hym/hir/her/ze what they do and do not allow. If you had 100 Stones in a room and asked each of them what Stone means to them in terms of touch and what is and is not allowed, you will get some repeat answers but there will be far more highly individualized answers, I assure you. |
|
The Following 27 Users Say Thank You to Gemme For This Useful Post: |
07-08-2011, 08:01 AM | #11 | |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The roads are narrow here
Posts: 36,631
Thanks: 182,485
Thanked 108,779 Times in 25,691 Posts
Rep Power: 21474887 |
Quote:
Stone is not attached to my partner, though they may claim it as their own. Stone is me. My boundaries. My choices. My love. My sex. Last edited by Gemme; 07-08-2011 at 08:03 AM. |
|
The Following 24 Users Say Thank You to Gemme For This Useful Post: |
07-08-2011, 08:27 AM | #12 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Girly girl femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She; Ma'am; Miss ;) Relationship Status:
Pitbull protected. Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 2,204
Thanks: 6,892
Thanked 7,685 Times in 1,608 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
I agree 100%. I have always employed this practice when I begin to explore things with a new partner. I would rather ask than possibly insult. Besides, I think it takes the stress off someone when you say "please tell me how you prefer for me to touch or not touch you" rather than wait for them to broach the subject. There are ways to ask that are not mood breakers and I think those few moments spend make for a more fulfilling experience.
__________________
There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible. |
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to LaneyDoll For This Useful Post: | *Anya*, AlexHunter, atomiczombie, Ben, Canela, Gemme, Julie, lillith, MrSunshine, Orema, PaPa, PumaJ, sleeplessdancer, T D, WingsOnFire |
07-08-2011, 09:07 AM | #13 | |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
human femme spitfire Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her Relationship Status:
it's official! Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: east coast USA
Posts: 1,167
Thanks: 3,758
Thanked 3,219 Times in 753 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Quote:
Thank you for this response. Admittedly, I ask and explore with partners as that ends with less disappointment and frustration so don't worry, I promise I'm not tromping all over people's comfort levels. As I was reading this thread I kept seeing over and over people saying "when I found out I was a stone femme" or "when I learned what these words meant" but there wasn't any sort of explanation of what that meant for those of us who weren't quite sure. I didn't know if there was some magical definition out there that I hadn't found yet.
__________________
The joy of discovery is certainly the liveliest that the mind of man can ever feel. - Claude Bernard (1813-78) |
|
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to ScandalAndy For This Useful Post: |
07-08-2011, 09:22 AM | #14 | |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The roads are narrow here
Posts: 36,631
Thanks: 182,485
Thanked 108,779 Times in 25,691 Posts
Rep Power: 21474887 |
Quote:
*grin* You ever work at something really hard.....a task at work or maybe a word problem in school....and you can feel yourself getting closer to the answer but you are still confused about the process and are just not there yet? You kinda get it but not really? And then...out of nowhere...it comes to you? A moment that changes how you see things and brings things into focus that had been fuzzy? For a lot of us, that's how it is. We're too close to be objective or maybe just ignorant of the verbiage but when we figure it out, it just "fits* and the Universe gives us a cosmic high five. For me, it kind of felt like being able to take deep, full breath after years of shallow breathing. I don't know of anyone that looked it up or heard about it and just said "Yep, that's it" casually without it bringing their world into focus a bit more and/or creating a moment in their life that they would remember for all time. Personal identity is, well, personal and I have no idea how that kind of discovery could not change someone at their very core. Last edited by Gemme; 07-08-2011 at 09:24 AM. |
|
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to Gemme For This Useful Post: |
07-08-2011, 09:24 AM | #15 | |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Stonefemme lesbian Preferred Pronoun?:
I'm a woman. Behave accordingly. Relationship Status:
Single, not looking. Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,467
Thanks: 9,474
Thanked 7,144 Times in 1,206 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
Quote:
As Gemme mentioned above, there are also femme women who are stone just as a butch would be stone. They are the pitcher, and they don't catch. They are Stone Femmes. Yes, this is terribly confusing, and I've been agitating for a change in nomenclature for years.
__________________
Cheryl |
|
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to CherylNYC For This Useful Post: |
07-08-2011, 09:28 AM | #16 | |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The roads are narrow here
Posts: 36,631
Thanks: 182,485
Thanked 108,779 Times in 25,691 Posts
Rep Power: 21474887 |
Quote:
|
|
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Gemme For This Useful Post: |
07-08-2011, 09:52 AM | #17 | |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
human femme spitfire Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her Relationship Status:
it's official! Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: east coast USA
Posts: 1,167
Thanks: 3,758
Thanked 3,219 Times in 753 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Quote:
Okay, so in this particular context, what are you using "pitcher" and "catcher" to connote? Thank you all for being so patient. I know it can be frustrating or uncomfortable to try and explain something as individualized as interpretation of one's sexual tendencies in the context of a label.
__________________
The joy of discovery is certainly the liveliest that the mind of man can ever feel. - Claude Bernard (1813-78) |
|
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ScandalAndy For This Useful Post: |
07-08-2011, 10:26 AM | #18 | |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The roads are narrow here
Posts: 36,631
Thanks: 182,485
Thanked 108,779 Times in 25,691 Posts
Rep Power: 21474887 |
Quote:
Play. Ha. ba dum BUM Basically, instead of a baseball, the partners are throwing pleasure balls. One receives the pleasure in an active manner. That's the catcher. By active manner, I mean the other person (the pitcher) is consciously doing things to create pleasure for their partner. The receiver provides pleasure to the pitcher in what could be referred to as passive or inactive manner by showing him/hym/her/ze that their initial actions have created a pleasureable reaction and the cycle builds from there. I don't particularly care for terms inactive or passive, because it goes back to the whole 'being a pillow princess' thing. For some, that's a compliment. For others, an insult. And it's just wrong. If I'm enjoying my honey and what he's doing, I'm not just laying there. My innards are contracting, my hips moving, my nails digging into his skin, and he's going to hear it too. Although, I AM a princess and I AM often on pillows. Hmmmm..... I think I just made this waaaaay more complicated than it needed to be. Let's try again, yes? The dance that so many talk about is most evident during Stone sex to me. As is Newton's law. One action (pitching) creates an equal and opposite reaction (catching) and it goes on and on from there. The partners feed off of one another's enjoyment of one another and their shared pleasure until...ideally....kaboom. |
|
The Following 21 Users Say Thank You to Gemme For This Useful Post: | *Anya*, Apocalipstic, Ben, chai~, CherylNYC, ConCrtAnge1, DamselFly, DapperButch, Guy, Jess, Julie, Kätzchen, lillith, Midnight, PaPa, PumaJ, sabotage, ScandalAndy, spritzerJ, TickledPink, WingsOnFire |
07-08-2011, 10:30 AM | #19 |
Timed Out - Permanent
How Do You Identify?:
decidedly indifferent Preferred Pronoun?:
other Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Patrick Springs, VA
Posts: 2,812
Thanks: 9,247
Thanked 5,702 Times in 1,684 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
I am so stealing "pleasure balls"... very enlightening thread, sorry for the derail.
Thank you |
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Jess For This Useful Post: |
07-08-2011, 10:31 AM | #20 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 8,258
Thanks: 39,306
Thanked 40,720 Times in 7,286 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
No more beating around the bush ( so-to-speak!)
As always, I speak for myself & my own experiences:
For 10 years my Stone Butch would not allow me to perform oral sex on her. Fucking her or touching her breasts were out of the question. She did feel comfortable masturbating in front of/with me. I guess during this time I could have been considered a stone femme but it was not my own true sexual identity. Oh god, here goes: I love to eat pussy & I missed it somewhat but there were other obvious benefits in my relationship. During our 11th year, she was a little tipsy & somehow I wound up fucking her & she liked it but it was a very, very rare experience thereafter and she never wanted to discuss it. It just did not fit with her own sexual identity or self-image. That was OK with me. Did I love doing it-yes I did! Maybe I have a smidgen of femme top in me but that does not feel comfortable for me at all in my own self-image. I am open to just about anything but am not overtly aggressive sexually. I feel very shy sexually really and have to feel totally comfortable and safe with my sexual partner in order to let myself go. That letting go is very, very hard for me. Stems from my puritanical, rigid upbringing I am sure. How can I be open to anything on one hand but am never the one to "make the moves"? I have no idea, if you can figure that one out, I'd be glad to know. I really do hope it is OK to be so honest. I have no idea why I am-scares me a little. The Internet is forever. I just have not found so many like-minded souls before & at least for now, it is bubbling out of me. I think I better put a cork in it.
__________________
~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner |
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to *Anya* For This Useful Post: |
|
|