What Is A Crush?

imperfect_cupcake · 10-29-2013, 02:38 AM

Everyone has different words for different ideas. And we certainly have different meanings for each word.

I often get confused by the word "crush" because it seem to be a wide range of things as well as people being able to develop feelings, where I could not (baffled!!) and not have feelings where I can...

So I'd like everyone to define those attractions for me, including the words that you use to define. I'll start.

the words I use are: "attracted to" "I'm sweet on her" "I have a crush on her" "I'm falling for her" "I'm in love with her" "I love her"

those all mean different things to me.

"attracted" - means I have a sexual response in my body in seeing them or talking to them. I also enjoy their conversation a lot. nothing else. would like to have sex with them and a laugh. nothing more. Attracted very rarely leads to crush. usually skips sweet on.

"sweet on" - means I don't spend much time thinking about them sexually.romantically and if they have zero feelings for me sexually/romantically I couldn't care less. But they make my skin smile to see them and I feel a tad mushy about em when we are talking. I favour them a bit. I feel this way about some of my exes as well as a couple of my friends - sweet on can lead to crush.

"Crush" - like "sweet" but amplified quite a bit. I like fatasizing about the sometimes, I've really happy to see them, if they tease me I blush, I lose bits of my personality around them, I'd like to date them and I'd like them to grab various parts of my body and show me what for. crush progresses to falling for if sex occurs, it's brilliant and it continues for 3/4 months. In some cases, 3/4 weeks...

"Falling for" - that daze of reciprocal crush, good sex, really good chemistry and up all night story telling. I start feeling like we are hanging out in a tree fort together (this always happens) or being kinds in some way together.

"In Love" - obsessive thoughts, the need to make dinner for them, spoil them rotten, constant sex, three day snuggle/fuck fests. miss work and get in trouble. I start to trust them.

"Love" - full trust, adoration of who they are. rolling my eyeballs. wanting to throw them off a fucking bridge really badly but I make them a love card instead. less afraid of fights ending anything, future planning together. Cats.

What are your words and your definitions???

Luv · 10-29-2013, 03:10 AM

Thanks for posting this

I don't have a crush on anyone but I am sweet on a few people. I think we all have people in our lives that when we hear their name we smile..for me I smile because I'm thinking..that's my friend..and I'm happy to have them in my life

pajama · 10-29-2013, 05:11 AM

"attracted" - My definition is similar to the OP. Attracted is typically a physical reaction. It may, or may not, actually be sexual. It may be aesthetic mostly. Just that they are "easy on the eyes". For me, this is the first step toward being in-love.

"sweet on" - not a descriptor I use

"Crush" - For me, a crush is someone that, if the circumstances were different, I would actively pursue to date. My crushes have typically started because I was attracted to someones personality or brains, seldom does it start as a physical attraction. I may fantasize about dates or outings, but not sex. I tend to get "stupid" when my crush is around.

(Side definition - stupid - I will become quiet. I will stammer over ideas when I speak to them. I will jump at their every anticipated need. I will thread stalk them to learn more about them. I may stare at them across the room when they aren't looking. LOL)

"Falling for" - that daze of reciprocal crush, good sex, really good chemistry and up all night story telling. <== Yep, basically the same for me.

I changed the order on the following two because I wanted to keep this list in order of progression, in my head/heart.

"Love" - A more deep caring. I'm starting to day dream about "the next step" whatever that may be (moving in, moving closer, going on vacation together, etc). Funny though, because I don't give trust easily, at this stage I don't necessarily trust them 100%. Just one of MY shortcomings, not necessarily anything they have done. At this point conversations start getting deeper, we start talking more about feelings and what molded us or scared us, what we want out of life/love.

"In Love" - This to me is the culmination of the process, where there is full intimacy and trust. But few have gotten this far. It's where I'm actually willing to give up of myself for you. Not in the "you pick where we'll have dinner way", but in a way that changes the course of my life. (I'm an only child, a Sagittarius, and an egomaniac, so this is a BIG step for me.)

I've also been known to use smitten and courting. These are terms that apply to the very early on dating time.

Thanks for asking Honeybarbara and getting this dialogue started.

Nic · 10-29-2013, 06:20 AM

My girl talks about having a "person crush" on a couple of friend. Not sexual or romantic, but there are still butterflies in the tummy and some special kind of happiness involved. I've felt this way about my sister-in-law for almost 25 years. We've literally been best friends since the day we met. Never felt about her the way I did about my wife (her sister) but when her name shows up on the caller ID I still smile.

JAGG · 10-29-2013, 07:10 AM

Wait what? CATS????? Geez not another cat lover ! *rolling eyes*

Gemme · 10-29-2013, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Everyone has different words for different ideas. And we certainly have different meanings for each word.

I often get confused by the word "crush" because it seem to be a wide range of things as well as people being able to develop feelings, where I could not (baffled!!) and not have feelings where I can...

So I'd like everyone to define those attractions for me, including the words that you use to define. I'll start.

the words I use are: "attracted to" "I'm sweet on her" "I have a crush on her" "I'm falling for her" "I'm in love with her" "I love her"

those all mean different things to me.

"attracted" - means I have a sexual response in my body in seeing them or talking to them. I also enjoy their conversation a lot. nothing else. would like to have sex with them and a laugh. nothing more. Attracted very rarely leads to crush. usually skips sweet on.

"sweet on" - means I don't spend much time thinking about them sexually.romantically and if they have zero feelings for me sexually/romantically I couldn't care less. But they make my skin smile to see them and I feel a tad mushy about em when we are talking. I favour them a bit. I feel this way about some of my exes as well as a couple of my friends - sweet on can lead to crush.

"Crush" - like "sweet" but amplified quite a bit. I like fatasizing about the sometimes, I've really happy to see them, if they tease me I blush, I lose bits of my personality around them, I'd like to date them and I'd like them to grab various parts of my body and show me what for. crush progresses to falling for if sex occurs, it's brilliant and it continues for 3/4 months. In some cases, 3/4 weeks...

"Falling for" - that daze of reciprocal crush, good sex, really good chemistry and up all night story telling. I start feeling like we are hanging out in a tree fort together (this always happens) or being kinds in some way together.

"In Love" - obsessive thoughts, the need to make dinner for them, spoil them rotten, constant sex, three day snuggle/fuck fests. miss work and get in trouble. I start to trust them.

"Love" - full trust, adoration of who they are. rolling my eyeballs. wanting to throw them off a fucking bridge really badly but I make them a love card instead. less afraid of fights ending anything, future planning together. Cats.

What are your words and your definitions???

Quote:

Originally Posted by pajama

"attracted" - My definition is similar to the OP. Attracted is typically a physical reaction. It may, or may not, actually be sexual. It may be aesthetic mostly. Just that they are "easy on the eyes". For me, this is the first step toward being in-love.

"sweet on" - not a descriptor I use

"Crush" - For me, a crush is someone that, if the circumstances were different, I would actively pursue to date. My crushes have typically started because I was attracted to someones personality or brains, seldom does it start as a physical attraction. I may fantasize about dates or outings, but not sex. I tend to get "stupid" when my crush is around.

(Side definition - stupid - I will become quiet. I will stammer over ideas when I speak to them. I will jump at their every anticipated need. I will thread stalk them to learn more about them. I may stare at them across the room when they aren't looking. LOL)

"Falling for" - that daze of reciprocal crush, good sex, really good chemistry and up all night story telling. <== Yep, basically the same for me.

I changed the order on the following two because I wanted to keep this list in order of progression, in my head/heart.

"Love" - A more deep caring. I'm starting to day dream about "the next step" whatever that may be (moving in, moving closer, going on vacation together, etc). Funny though, because I don't give trust easily, at this stage I don't necessarily trust them 100%. Just one of MY shortcomings, not necessarily anything they have done. At this point conversations start getting deeper, we start talking more about feelings and what molded us or scared us, what we want out of life/love.

"In Love" - This to me is the culmination of the process, where there is full intimacy and trust. But few have gotten this far. It's where I'm actually willing to give up of myself for you. Not in the "you pick where we'll have dinner way", but in a way that changes the course of my life. (I'm an only child, a Sagittarius, and an egomaniac, so this is a BIG step for me.)

I've also been known to use smitten and courting. These are terms that apply to the very early on dating time.

Thanks for asking Honeybarbara and getting this dialogue started.

Attracted to: usually involves a visceral sexual response to a person but can be a brains only kind of attraction too. It's the initial lighting of a match for me; the hiss and spark of it all.

Sweet on: like Ana, it's not something I usually use to describe my feeling or 'level' of attraction to a person but if I did, my definition would be close to what Babs described. I have used smitten as well and this would apply here.

Crush: I can understand the confusion regarding this word because it does mean so many different things, even to the same person. I can have femme or female crushes, which are crushes on my friends and other femmes/straight females I admire. It is never sexual at all in nature. It usually involves a warm 'n fuzzy feeling when I communicate with the person or think of them and/or a defined similarity in thoughts/feelings/ideas/etc regarding any number of topics. I can have crushes on butches/Transguys/straight guys that are or are not sexual in nature.

Crushes, for me, are that rush of feelings when you see someone that floats your boat. For the intellectual and/or non-sexual crush, it's the smile that comes across my face and the urge to squish them in a big bear hug. For the sexual crush, it's the butterflies in my stomach and the sideline fantasies of doing naughty deeds together, whether that would become a reality or not. Crushes are the way I tease myself, although I don't think I could control them. At least, not the initial flicker. Where I go from there is fully in my control though. Depending on the circumstances, I let the feelings go or I act on them.

Falling for: This pretty much the same for me as described by the two of you. It's the opening of myself to them and being vulnerable with them. We've begun dating and having some serious conversations and have begun to share our lives with one another. Feelings of possession may begin to emerge. Like the phrase implies, I feel like I am literally falling for this person. If I'm lucky and the feeling is reciprocated, they will catch me. If not, then I fall into the abyss and begin the grieving process for 'what could have been'.

I'm also switching the order between 'love' and 'in love' because, for me, I can love someone without being in love with them but I cannot be in love with someone without loving them.

Love: It's the same as the falling stage, but everything's 'more'. Stronger, deeper, and more intense feelings. Keeping with the lit match analogy, it's the holding of the match while the flame fully develops and begins to devour the wood. There's good sex and good, deep conversations and trust bridges are being built. It's the smile that slides over my face when I think of them unexpectedly during the day or when I watch them do something absolutely ridiculous or mundane, like cutting vegetables. Possession is complete. "Mine"

In Love: For me, this is the ultimate pinnacle of feelings for a person. I have handed the essence of myself, good and bad, over to this person with faith that they will care for it appropriately. Trust is given, complete with pretty wrapping and blingy doo bobs. We discuss the future, not as a 'maybe' but as a 'known'. Plans are made accordingly with the knowledge that our futures are intertwined like a knotted chain (but hopefully less frustrating). Feelings are deep and swing the pendulum from happiest to most sad because I'm wide open to them and I've given them power. Ideally, it's an equal exchange of power, not only in the bedroom, but in day to day life. I'll carry you today and you'll carry me tomorrow or vice versa. The flame matures and I'm holding the match, praying to make the light last as long as possible before it fully engulfs the match.

At this point, the flame signifies the love. It heats cold nights and sad hearts and, if mishandled, it burns. Sometimes a little burn is a good thing but a big burn is never good. The flame needs to be nurtured and cultivated. Love is a living, breathing entity between people. It needs to be fed and watered and cared for and, if it's not done so by all involved, it can die.

Sweet Bliss · 10-29-2013, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JAGG

Wait what? CATS????? Geez not another cat lover ! *rolling eyes*

*snickering *

I warned you. You might want to pick up catnip and a scratching post next time you are shopping.

Cin · 10-29-2013, 11:08 AM

"attracted" – to me means they caught my eye. I like their looks. However, the people who I am initially attracted to before getting to know are not usually the people who I end up falling for. It happens very rarely but if it does progress then it moves to crush.

However, if attracted is something I begin to feel slowly during the getting to know the person process it will often turn into a crush and then I begin to fall for them feeling smitten.

I certainly don’t believe in love at first sight, but for me not even attraction at first sight works out well. I don’t usually fall in love with people whose looks initially turn me on. As time passes in a relationship the attractiveness of the person either increases or decreases for me. It usually turns out that those who initially attract me don’t hold my attention as a potential partner.

But the people who I am initially attracted to usually make great friends. I always believed there is a sort of attraction that plays into friendships. Not a sexual attraction but a kind of physical even sensual attraction that has us drawn toward one person over another to form a bond. Of course after the physical attraction part (non sexual with friends of all sexes and genders), like in all relationships from our primary to our friends to our work buddies there is a lot more involved in the process. There are types of people whose company we enjoy over other types. But I believe initially there is an attraction of sorts between all sexes before the friendship seed is planted. And I don’t mean a sexual attraction.

"sweet on" – I think I use the phrase “I enjoy them” in the way the OP has used “sweet on”. They move me in some way and I really enjoy their company. It could turn into something more but usually it is the place where those who initially attracted me live before we become good friends.

"Crush" – It is the place where possibilities exist. Or where the decision IF it’s possible is made. It is also the place where a possible potential relationship might live for a little while.

If it seems as though it is something worth pursuing you spend some time feeling each other out and seeing if the crush is mutual and if both parties want to take the next step. Maybe a date or two might happen. Once sex happens then it ramps up a bit or you move on. If it ramps up I usually move to smitten. Which means I am “interested in pursuing this” – that’s the period before actually falling for someone. During this time a lot of different kinds of exploration takes place.

"Falling for" – For me is the time when I forsake all others. My attention is focused and I am getting serious about this thing we have. This is the make or break time. The border between maybe and I’m all in.

"In Love" - I put “in love” here before love because I think ‘in love” is a sort artificial feeling.

Love is love is love. The feeling is the same. The way we express our love for people is very different depending on who they are in our lives. I’m sure most people feel differently and that’s fine. But this is how I look at it. Love is an emotion. It doesn’t change as an emotion. It is a feeling. How you express your love defines the experience, not the love. You love your mother, your sister, your wife, your daughter. The emotion that is love is the same emotion. The expression and the depth differs with the individual you love. No one in their right mind expresses their love for their mother the same way they express their love for their wife. Nor do they express their love for their child the way they express their love for their partner. But love is the same emotion.

Falling in love on the other hand is specifically a sex linked erotic experience. And the experience of falling in love is temporary. Sooner or later we will fall out of love if the relationship continues long enough. I didn’t say we cease to love the person. I am saying the feeling of ecstatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling in love always passes over time. The honeymoon always ends and the bloom always fades. And a good thing too or we wouldn’t be able to get on with our lives. I am simply saying that the feeling we experience as falling in love is not the same as actual love. It is a lowering of ego boundaries to allow another person in and that is the feeling of euphoria we feel. I believe if we could accept that we wouldn’t be so disappointed and surprised when it changes over time into something with less heat ( I didn’t say no heat, just less heat) but more real emotion, more actual love.

Love – is a verb. It is an action. To love. It is an intention. Love is as love does. If one uses the word love without loving actions then it is just a word and is not love at all. If we love someone then it is an act of will and implies a choice as well as an action. Loving someone even sounds like we are doing something, engaging in action. Not the silly sex induced erotic heady feelings we call “in love” but something much deeper much more willful. If we choose to love it is an intention that requires action. We love so we act with love toward the one we love. We show love by acting in a loving way even when it takes effort (like when you’re really pissed). That is the action part, the verb part. Love as a noun is abstract and meaningless.

JAGG · 10-29-2013, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet Bliss

*snickering *

I warned you. You might want to pick up catnip and a scratching post next time you are shopping.

All stocked up on cat repellant.

imperfect_cupcake · 10-29-2013, 11:43 AM

interesting!

I use "sweet on" to imply sexual attraction with the mental/emotional attraction. as in "I'd go there" if circumstances were different (they weren't an ex that things would get complicated and rediculous with; they are friends I enjoy but they just don't live close enough; or I believe for one reason or another it wouldn't work out in a way that one of us would be unhappy, so I don't go there; I have a partner that I love so the bulk of my feelings are else where and I can't get more interested (not as in a choice, but as in I'm emotionally just unable).

I do get scared or confused if people bounce up to me and say "I have a crush on you!" because it obviously means something different to them than it does to me. But then maybe not and they are just insane. that's the thought process. More than likely they mean something different but I can't help the fear response because of course my meaning is my go to meaning in my head.

I cannot get a crush on someone I don't know. I used to be able to, long ago. LONG ago. But now I just can't. crushes for me can start before sex or after we've had sex.

and I understand in love as Miss Tick does - it's something that is temporal. for me it comes and goes. If I'm in a life long commitment, I fully expect I won't be in love with me partner at times. I've been told this over and over by people who have been together for 15+ years. But you do get the bliss of falling in love all over again.

it confuses me when people say "I'm not in love with you anymore" after 2-3 years. well duh. of course not. that's limerance for you. the average life span of limerance is two years. I don't feel for them like I first did either. but I personally have reached a higher level of love. and the "in love" bit fades in and out. I m of the opinion that this is normal. And good. I do have lovely things like getting excited they are coming home from work - not every day, but most days. and I like to watch them sleep. little things that give me the "feeling" of being in love. but if I've reached a higher level of loving them, of course I won't feel in love with them all the time.

For me that kind of love requires trust, real trust, proven trust and making it through hard things together. That's why I put "love" (in the sexual/romantic sense) higher than in love.

I am finding this an interesting conversation... I think... this is something I'll have to talk about with someone if I am serious minded about them. I think it could show where we are fundamentally different in ways that won't work.

please keep coming with your own words and own orders. This is a great lesson for me...

ETA - for those feelings of romance I have for people but with NO sexual feelings of attraction, I call "romantic friendships" ... but these are not minor friendships. I think they come from a deep sorral feeling towards others. and I have been confused by having sorral feelings, in love feelings and sexual feelings for the same person (on of my exes) not only was I falling in love with her but she also reminded me of my dead brother in the nicest of ways, so it kinda did my head it at times.. lol...
but without sexual attractions I call those my romantic friendships. I know people who call me their "twin" and they flirt with me (but they don't mean it) and we have a deep friendship. that is a romantic friendship.
Lust is the other side of that coin. I just have pure animal lust for someone and I want them to use me in every way possible. then have a cup of tea a chat and a laugh and then we part ways. that's the bootycall... lol but there's already a thread on that...

Cin · 10-29-2013, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

and I understand in love as Miss Tick does - it's something that is temporal. for me it comes and goes. If I'm in a life long commitment, I fully expect I won't be in love with me partner at times. I've been told this over and over by people who have been together for 15+ years. But you do get the bliss of falling in love all over again.

When I pick up Truly Scrumptious at work and I catch my first glimpse of her after not seeing her all day, my stomach no longer drops into my groin. It’s been over ten years. No one could sustain that much dropped into his or her groin. But my heart smiles when I see her. And a heart smile reaches all the way from your toes into your brain. You’re whole body is happy. I promised her at our wedding that I would always be happy to see her and so far that has been the easiest promise I have ever made to anyone in my entire life. And for the record I would trade a groin drop for a heart smile any day of the year.

Nic · 10-29-2013, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

interesting!

I use "sweet on" to imply sexual attraction with the mental/emotional attraction. as in "I'd go there" if circumstances were different (they weren't an ex that things would get complicated and rediculous with; they are friends I enjoy but they just don't live close enough; or I believe for one reason or another it wouldn't work out in a way that one of us would be unhappy, so I don't go there; I have a partner that I love so the bulk of my feelings are else where and I can't get more interested (not as in a choice, but as in I'm emotionally just unable).

I do get scared or confused if people bounce up to me and say "I have a crush on you!" because it obviously means something different to them than it does to me. But then maybe not and they are just insane. that's the thought process. More than likely they mean something different but I can't help the fear response because of course my meaning is my go to meaning in my head.

I cannot get a crush on someone I don't know. I used to be able to, long ago. LONG ago. But now I just can't. crushes for me can start before sex or after we've had sex.

and I understand in love as Miss Tick does - it's something that is temporal. for me it comes and goes. If I'm in a life long commitment, I fully expect I won't be in love with me partner at times. I've been told this over and over by people who have been together for 15+ years. But you do get the bliss of falling in love all over again.

it confuses me when people say "I'm not in love with you anymore" after 2-3 years. well duh. of course not. that's limerance for you. the average life span of limerance is two years. I don't feel for them like I first did either. but I personally have reached a higher level of love. and the "in love" bit fades in and out. I m of the opinion that this is normal. And good. I do have lovely things like getting excited they are coming home from work - not every day, but most days. and I like to watch them sleep. little things that give me the "feeling" of being in love. but if I've reached a higher level of loving them, of course I won't feel in love with them all the time.

For me that kind of love requires trust, real trust, proven trust and making it through hard things together. That's why I put "love" (in the sexual/romantic sense) higher than in love.

I am finding this an interesting conversation... I think... this is something I'll have to talk about with someone if I am serious minded about them. I think it could show where we are fundamentally different in ways that won't work.

please keep coming with your own words and own orders. This is a great lesson for me...

ETA - for those feelings of romance I have for people but with NO sexual feelings of attraction, I call "romantic friendships" ... but these are not minor friendships. I think they come from a deep sorral feeling towards others. and I have been confused by having sorral feelings, in love feelings and sexual feelings for the same person (on of my exes) not only was I falling in love with her but she also reminded me of my dead brother in the nicest of ways, so it kinda did my head it at times.. lol...
but without sexual attractions I call those my romantic friendships. I know people who call me their "twin" and they flirt with me (but they don't mean it) and we have a deep friendship. that is a romantic friendship.
Lust is the other side of that coin. I just have pure animal lust for someone and I want them to use me in every way possible. then have a cup of tea a chat and a laugh and then we part ways. that's the bootycall... lol but there's already a thread on that...

(in blue)
Brilliant. Well said.

RockOn · 10-29-2013, 08:54 PM

h.b.,

I love this (in your opening post) I am typing on a cell phone, please forgive, the best I can do is enclose it in asterisks.
********************
"Love" - full trust, adoration of who they are. rolling my eyeballs. wanting to throw them off a fucking bridge really badly but I make them a love card instead. less afraid of fights ending anything, future planning together. Cats.
********************

It is splendid ... And then you abruptly end it with "Cats."

Gemme · 10-29-2013, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

h.b.,

I love this (in your opening post) I am typing on a cell phone, please forgive, the best I can do is enclose it in asterisks.
********************
"Love" - full trust, adoration of who they are. rolling my eyeballs. wanting to throw them off a fucking bridge really badly but I make them a love card instead. less afraid of fights ending anything, future planning together. Cats.
********************

It is splendid ... And then you abruptly end it with "Cats."

Well, cats are the end all, you know.

Girl_On_Fire · 10-29-2013, 10:55 PM

One of my favorite things about the OPs post is the "in love" comes before "love". I agree with the description. Being in love can be almost obsessive and all-consuming and it graduates to love over time. The more stable, honest form of being in love. At least that's how I see it. I know I have a crush when I grin from ear to ear upon seeing the person (or seeing them online even). It's a giddy sort of "I'm happy to see you and would like to squeeze you" sort of feeling. It's fun.

RockOn · 10-29-2013, 11:38 PM

Well, "cat" by the "other name" is the end all, this is what I know.

It was right there ... I could not help myself ... you know I could not stand not saying it ... had to go for it.

Truly Scrumptious · 10-30-2013, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

When I pick up Truly Scrumptious at work and I catch my first glimpse of her after not seeing her all day, my stomach no longer drops into my groin.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Cin · 10-30-2013, 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

LOL. I'm sorry baby, of course it does. I don't know what I was thinking.

Did you read the rest? There was more ya know.

Gemme · 10-30-2013, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Oooooooh.

Backtracking commences NOW....

kittygrrl · 10-30-2013, 05:02 PM

crush-I like you (maybe more)

10-29-2013, 02:38 AM	#1
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,711 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	What Is A Crush? Everyone has different words for different ideas. And we certainly have different meanings for each word. I often get confused by the word "crush" because it seem to be a wide range of things as well as people being able to develop feelings, where I could not (baffled!!) and not have feelings where I can... So I'd like everyone to define those attractions for me, including the words that you use to define. I'll start. the words I use are: "attracted to" "I'm sweet on her" "I have a crush on her" "I'm falling for her" "I'm in love with her" "I love her" those all mean different things to me. "attracted" - means I have a sexual response in my body in seeing them or talking to them. I also enjoy their conversation a lot. nothing else. would like to have sex with them and a laugh. nothing more. Attracted very rarely leads to crush. usually skips sweet on. "sweet on" - means I don't spend much time thinking about them sexually.romantically and if they have zero feelings for me sexually/romantically I couldn't care less. But they make my skin smile to see them and I feel a tad mushy about em when we are talking. I favour them a bit. I feel this way about some of my exes as well as a couple of my friends - sweet on can lead to crush. "Crush" - like "sweet" but amplified quite a bit. I like fatasizing about the sometimes, I've really happy to see them, if they tease me I blush, I lose bits of my personality around them, I'd like to date them and I'd like them to grab various parts of my body and show me what for. crush progresses to falling for if sex occurs, it's brilliant and it continues for 3/4 months. In some cases, 3/4 weeks... "Falling for" - that daze of reciprocal crush, good sex, really good chemistry and up all night story telling. I start feeling like we are hanging out in a tree fort together (this always happens) or being kinds in some way together. "In Love" - obsessive thoughts, the need to make dinner for them, spoil them rotten, constant sex, three day snuggle/fuck fests. miss work and get in trouble. I start to trust them. "Love" - full trust, adoration of who they are. rolling my eyeballs. wanting to throw them off a fucking bridge really badly but I make them a love card instead. less afraid of fights ending anything, future planning together. Cats. What are your words and your definitions???

10-29-2013, 06:20 AM	#4
Nic Member How Do You Identify?: Male (FtM) Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: I am her North and she is my Star. Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Northampton, MA Posts: 195 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,029 Thanked 765 Times in 131 Posts Rep Power: 16841396	My girl talks about having a "person crush" on a couple of friend. Not sexual or romantic, but there are still butterflies in the tummy and some special kind of happiness involved. I've felt this way about my sister-in-law for almost 25 years. We've literally been best friends since the day we met. Never felt about her the way I did about my wife (her sister) but when her name shows up on the caller ID I still smile. __________________ "Trust is a verb." Street Buddha.

10-29-2013, 07:10 AM	#5
JAGG Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: JAGG Relationship Status: =) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tulsa (cat free zone) Posts: 6,093 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,651 Thanked 17,531 Times in 4,137 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Wait what? CATS????? Geez not another cat lover ! rolling eyes __________________ I don't want to spend my life with someone I can live with, I want to spend my life with someone I can't live without.

10-29-2013, 11:43 AM	#10
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,711 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	interesting! I use "sweet on" to imply sexual attraction with the mental/emotional attraction. as in "I'd go there" if circumstances were different (they weren't an ex that things would get complicated and rediculous with; they are friends I enjoy but they just don't live close enough; or I believe for one reason or another it wouldn't work out in a way that one of us would be unhappy, so I don't go there; I have a partner that I love so the bulk of my feelings are else where and I can't get more interested (not as in a choice, but as in I'm emotionally just unable). I do get scared or confused if people bounce up to me and say "I have a crush on you!" because it obviously means something different to them than it does to me. But then maybe not and they are just insane. that's the thought process. More than likely they mean something different but I can't help the fear response because of course my meaning is my go to meaning in my head. I cannot get a crush on someone I don't know. I used to be able to, long ago. LONG ago. But now I just can't. crushes for me can start before sex or after we've had sex. and I understand in love as Miss Tick does - it's something that is temporal. for me it comes and goes. If I'm in a life long commitment, I fully expect I won't be in love with me partner at times. I've been told this over and over by people who have been together for 15+ years. But you do get the bliss of falling in love all over again. it confuses me when people say "I'm not in love with you anymore" after 2-3 years. well duh. of course not. that's limerance for you. the average life span of limerance is two years. I don't feel for them like I first did either. but I personally have reached a higher level of love. and the "in love" bit fades in and out. I m of the opinion that this is normal. And good. I do have lovely things like getting excited they are coming home from work - not every day, but most days. and I like to watch them sleep. little things that give me the "feeling" of being in love. but if I've reached a higher level of loving them, of course I won't feel in love with them all the time. For me that kind of love requires trust, real trust, proven trust and making it through hard things together. That's why I put "love" (in the sexual/romantic sense) higher than in love. I am finding this an interesting conversation... I think... this is something I'll have to talk about with someone if I am serious minded about them. I think it could show where we are fundamentally different in ways that won't work. please keep coming with your own words and own orders. This is a great lesson for me... ETA - for those feelings of romance I have for people but with NO sexual feelings of attraction, I call "romantic friendships" ... but these are not minor friendships. I think they come from a deep sorral feeling towards others. and I have been confused by having sorral feelings, in love feelings and sexual feelings for the same person (on of my exes) not only was I falling in love with her but she also reminded me of my dead brother in the nicest of ways, so it kinda did my head it at times.. lol... but without sexual attractions I call those my romantic friendships. I know people who call me their "twin" and they flirt with me (but they don't mean it) and we have a deep friendship. that is a romantic friendship. Lust is the other side of that coin. I just have pure animal lust for someone and I want them to use me in every way possible. then have a cup of tea a chat and a laugh and then we part ways. that's the bootycall... lol but there's already a thread on that... Last edited by imperfect_cupcake; 10-29-2013 at 11:58 AM.

10-29-2013, 10:55 PM	#15
Girl_On_Fire Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her Relationship Status: On Hiatus Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Connecticut Posts: 690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,020 Thanked 2,684 Times in 562 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	One of my favorite things about the OPs post is the "in love" comes before "love". I agree with the description. Being in love can be almost obsessive and all-consuming and it graduates to love over time. The more stable, honest form of being in love. At least that's how I see it. I know I have a crush when I grin from ear to ear upon seeing the person (or seeing them online even). It's a giddy sort of "I'm happy to see you and would like to squeeze you" sort of feeling. It's fun. __________________ "Quit trying to reason with unreasonable people. It's like trying to have a meaningful conversation with an end table." ~ Girl_On_Fire

10-29-2013, 03:10 AM	#2
Luv Member How Do You Identify?: .... Relationship Status: .. Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: ..... Posts: 753 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,199 Thanked 1,217 Times in 367 Posts Rep Power: 12549741	Thanks for posting this I don't have a crush on anyone but I am sweet on a few people. I think we all have people in our lives that when we hear their name we smile..for me I smile because I'm thinking..that's my friend..and I'm happy to have them in my life

10-29-2013, 05:11 AM	#3
pajama Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Klingon Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Just South of Nashvegas Baby Posts: 3,115 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,546 Thanked 7,476 Times in 1,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	"attracted" - My definition is similar to the OP. Attracted is typically a physical reaction. It may, or may not, actually be sexual. It may be aesthetic mostly. Just that they are "easy on the eyes". For me, this is the first step toward being in-love. "sweet on" - not a descriptor I use "Crush" - For me, a crush is someone that, if the circumstances were different, I would actively pursue to date. My crushes have typically started because I was attracted to someones personality or brains, seldom does it start as a physical attraction. I may fantasize about dates or outings, but not sex. I tend to get "stupid" when my crush is around. (Side definition - stupid - I will become quiet. I will stammer over ideas when I speak to them. I will jump at their every anticipated need. I will thread stalk them to learn more about them. I may stare at them across the room when they aren't looking. LOL) "Falling for" - that daze of reciprocal crush, good sex, really good chemistry and up all night story telling. <== Yep, basically the same for me. I changed the order on the following two because I wanted to keep this list in order of progression, in my head/heart. "Love" - A more deep caring. I'm starting to day dream about "the next step" whatever that may be (moving in, moving closer, going on vacation together, etc). Funny though, because I don't give trust easily, at this stage I don't necessarily trust them 100%. Just one of MY shortcomings, not necessarily anything they have done. At this point conversations start getting deeper, we start talking more about feelings and what molded us or scared us, what we want out of life/love. "In Love" - This to me is the culmination of the process, where there is full intimacy and trust. But few have gotten this far. It's where I'm actually willing to give up of myself for you. Not in the "you pick where we'll have dinner way", but in a way that changes the course of my life. (I'm an only child, a Sagittarius, and an egomaniac, so this is a BIG step for me.) I've also been known to use smitten and courting. These are terms that apply to the very early on dating time. Thanks for asking Honeybarbara and getting this dialogue started.

10-29-2013, 11:08 AM	#8
Cin Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: In My Head Posts: 2,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,333 Thanked 10,436 Times in 2,476 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	"attracted" – to me means they caught my eye. I like their looks. However, the people who I am initially attracted to before getting to know are not usually the people who I end up falling for. It happens very rarely but if it does progress then it moves to crush. However, if attracted is something I begin to feel slowly during the getting to know the person process it will often turn into a crush and then I begin to fall for them feeling smitten. I certainly don’t believe in love at first sight, but for me not even attraction at first sight works out well. I don’t usually fall in love with people whose looks initially turn me on. As time passes in a relationship the attractiveness of the person either increases or decreases for me. It usually turns out that those who initially attract me don’t hold my attention as a potential partner. But the people who I am initially attracted to usually make great friends. I always believed there is a sort of attraction that plays into friendships. Not a sexual attraction but a kind of physical even sensual attraction that has us drawn toward one person over another to form a bond. Of course after the physical attraction part (non sexual with friends of all sexes and genders), like in all relationships from our primary to our friends to our work buddies there is a lot more involved in the process. There are types of people whose company we enjoy over other types. But I believe initially there is an attraction of sorts between all sexes before the friendship seed is planted. And I don’t mean a sexual attraction. "sweet on" – I think I use the phrase “I enjoy them” in the way the OP has used “sweet on”. They move me in some way and I really enjoy their company. It could turn into something more but usually it is the place where those who initially attracted me live before we become good friends. "Crush" – It is the place where possibilities exist. Or where the decision IF it’s possible is made. It is also the place where a possible potential relationship might live for a little while. If it seems as though it is something worth pursuing you spend some time feeling each other out and seeing if the crush is mutual and if both parties want to take the next step. Maybe a date or two might happen. Once sex happens then it ramps up a bit or you move on. If it ramps up I usually move to smitten. Which means I am “interested in pursuing this” – that’s the period before actually falling for someone. During this time a lot of different kinds of exploration takes place. "Falling for" – For me is the time when I forsake all others. My attention is focused and I am getting serious about this thing we have. This is the make or break time. The border between maybe and I’m all in. "In Love" - I put “in love” here before love because I think ‘in love” is a sort artificial feeling. Love is love is love. The feeling is the same. The way we express our love for people is very different depending on who they are in our lives. I’m sure most people feel differently and that’s fine. But this is how I look at it. Love is an emotion. It doesn’t change as an emotion. It is a feeling. How you express your love defines the experience, not the love. You love your mother, your sister, your wife, your daughter. The emotion that is love is the same emotion. The expression and the depth differs with the individual you love. No one in their right mind expresses their love for their mother the same way they express their love for their wife. Nor do they express their love for their child the way they express their love for their partner. But love is the same emotion. Falling in love on the other hand is specifically a sex linked erotic experience. And the experience of falling in love is temporary. Sooner or later we will fall out of love if the relationship continues long enough. I didn’t say we cease to love the person. I am saying the feeling of ecstatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling in love always passes over time. The honeymoon always ends and the bloom always fades. And a good thing too or we wouldn’t be able to get on with our lives. I am simply saying that the feeling we experience as falling in love is not the same as actual love. It is a lowering of ego boundaries to allow another person in and that is the feeling of euphoria we feel. I believe if we could accept that we wouldn’t be so disappointed and surprised when it changes over time into something with less heat ( I didn’t say no heat, just less heat) but more real emotion, more actual love. Love – is a verb. It is an action. To love. It is an intention. Love is as love does. If one uses the word love without loving actions then it is just a word and is not love at all. If we love someone then it is an act of will and implies a choice as well as an action. Loving someone even sounds like we are doing something, engaging in action. Not the silly sex induced erotic heady feelings we call “in love” but something much deeper much more willful. If we choose to love it is an intention that requires action. We love so we act with love toward the one we love. We show love by acting in a loving way even when it takes effort (like when you’re really pissed). That is the action part, the verb part. Love as a noun is abstract and meaningless.

10-29-2013, 08:54 PM	#13
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,304 Times in 2,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	h.b., I love this (in your opening post) I am typing on a cell phone, please forgive, the best I can do is enclose it in asterisks. ****************** "Love" - full trust, adoration of who they are. rolling my eyeballs. wanting to throw them off a fucking bridge really badly but I make them a love card instead. less afraid of fights ending anything, future planning together. Cats. ****************** It is splendid ... And then you abruptly end it with "Cats."

10-29-2013, 11:38 PM	#16
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,304 Times in 2,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Well, "cat" by the "other name" is the end all, this is what I know. It was right there ... I could not help myself ... you know I could not stand not saying it ... had to go for it.

10-30-2013, 05:02 PM	#20
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: witchy Relationship Status: just for fun Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: near the wild mushrooms Posts: 9,358 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,574 Thanked 21,948 Times in 7,074 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	crush-I like you (maybe more) __________________ "MAKE AMERICA THINK AGAIN"