Butches: how do you like to be treated on a date?

[tiaras-and-books]

There's a thread asking femmes how we like to be treated on dates, but I didn't see one for the butches to chime in on how you like to be treated on dates. Inquiring minds want to know!

What makes a good date for you?

[ForeverMe]

I am interested in hearing the responses on this. I am so glad that you asked.

[bokster]

On a first date, I'd expect some jitters on my part when I pick up my date. EVEN if I tell myself to play it cool.

I would really appreciate it if you greet me with a warm smile to let me know that you're relaxed around me - that would help.

Or you can give me a naughty smile. I'd appreciate that, too.

[MysticOceansFL]

I would have to say both parties on the first date shouldn't really be expecting anything from each other except polite and honesty.

[Hey You]

I like to do the gentleman thing- opening doors and stuff. I like to pay, even though I'm not exactly rich. I feel uncomfortable if anyone who isn't a really good friend or well-established girlfriend pays for anything for me. But I enjoy paying on dates and stuff. So I like to do that.
Some physical contact. Just spending time and talking is nice, but it's not enough. I want to cuddle if we're in a cinema or sitting somewhere close together. Hold hands while walking or across the table. A kiss goodnight if it went well.
The whole dinner and stuff is nice but I also really like simple dates. A couple of the nicest dates I've ever been on we walked along the walkway by the river after dinner.

As for specifically how I like to be treated- As an equal but with an acknowledgement that I am at the butch end of the scale. Don't try to 'treat me like a lady', I want to do that for you and I will be annoyed and probably offended if you try it on me. I'm not going to mother you, but let me take care of you a bit. Let me pull my phone out for the purpose of showing you pictures of my animals and probably my motorbike. I love those things. Pull your phone out to show me pictures of the things or people you love the most. Have an intellectual conversation with me, challenge me mentally. Give me something to think about after the date. I will enjoy your presence more if you stimulate my mind as well as my body. Having said that, discussions about sex (although probably not the real thing on the first date) are welcome at any time. Lol. People with dirty minds are much more interesting than people with clean minds.

It's really late. Depending how this thread goes I may come and contribute again. But I hope this much helps

[Hey You]

Anyone else care to comment? This is actually a really interesting question.

[Angeltoes]

Recently I had a butch tell me they felt like a 'loser' when I opened the door for them. I honestly wasn't trying to prove a point. I got to the door first, so I opened it and held it open. I'm totally out of practice and don't remember the 'rules' anymore. How do other butchers feel about the door thing?

[Chad]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Recently I had a butch tell me they felt like a 'loser' when I opened the door for them. I honestly wasn't trying to prove a point. I got to the door first, so I opened it and held it open. I'm totally out of practice and don't remember the 'rules' anymore. How do other butchers feel about the door thing?

If you opened the door for me I would think you were very sweet and we may even chuckle about it later.

[JDeere]

With some respect even if we don't agree on everything!

[Tuff Stuff]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Recently I had a butch tell me they felt like a 'loser' when I opened the door for them. I honestly wasn't trying to prove a point. I got to the door first, so I opened it and held it open. I'm totally out of practice and don't remember the 'rules' anymore. How do other butchers feel about the door thing?

I like to be the one to reach the door first and open it for her..i've always did that for women and I will do it for men also...its a habit of mine.*shrug*

I don't know why it is but I just don't like people opening doors for me.

[Angeltoes]

Originally Posted by Tuff Stuff

I like to be the one to reach the door first and open it for her..i've always did that for women and I will do it for men also...its a habit of mine.*shrug*

I don't know why it is but I just don't like people opening doors for me.

I don't mind people opening doors for me, but it's definitely a habit for me to reach for it as well. I hold the door for men, women, and children.

There is another thing. Some guy was staring at us holding hands in a department store and the butch started to chuckle and stare him down. I mean, don't you think that's a dangerous thing to do? I don't feel like getting assaulted or worse because someone was staring at us.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Recently I had a butch tell me they felt like a 'loser' when I opened the door for them. I honestly wasn't trying to prove a point. I got to the door first, so I opened it and held it open. I'm totally out of practice and don't remember the 'rules' anymore. How do other butchers feel about the door thing?

It would make me/has made me, uncomfortable, but I know that it shouldn't.

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

I don't mind people opening doors for me, but it's definitely a habit for me to reach for it as well. I hold the door for men, women, and children.

There is another thing. Some guy was staring at us holding hands in a department store and the butch started to chuckle and stare him down. I mean, don't you think that's a dangerous thing to do? I don't feel like getting assaulted or worse because someone was staring at us.

I don't know exactly how the butch did it, but I would just smile at the guy as if I didn't notice he was staring...but he would also know on some level that I knew that he was staring and that I thought he was a douche. It is kind of hard to explain.

Was it dangerous? My experience as a butch over the last 25 years is that I am very good at quickly deducing if it is a safe situation to "stare back", or an unsafe situation. You were in a department store. More likely than not, the guy was not going to come at your butch, right? It is all situational what you can do and still be safe. NOW, if my partner did not feel safe if I gave back a big ole, "fuck you" kind of smile, then I would not do it, and just pretend like I didn't notice the guy. There are really a number of variables to the "butch response" to people looking at them with disgust/anger they are with a femme.

[dykeumentary]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

I don't mind people opening doors for me, but it's definitely a habit for me to reach for it as well. I hold the door for men, women, and children.

There is another thing. Some guy was staring at us holding hands in a department store and the butch started to chuckle and stare him down. I mean, don't you think that's a dangerous thing to do? I don't feel like getting assaulted or worse because someone was staring at us.

I was taught to open doors for everyone-- but that is because I was raised as a workingclass girl -- taught to serve everyone. When I am dating a Femme and open doors for her, that is just ONE of MANY ways to show her I see her, and want to please her. It's one of many ways, so I don't have to get to weird about that one piarticular action.

Regarding the incident in the store, I believe part of power dynamics is: Who gets to decide WHEN there is a power dynamic happening? I wouldn't choose to engage in a power struggle with some unstable fool in a store. I would ignore him (probably not even notice him.) i do think it could get dangerous to upset someone who is threatened by other Shoppers in a STORE. An unwell person like that needs professional help. I would also caution you, Angeltoes, how much reinforcement does this butch need, and are you willing/able to give it?

Remember that scene from Game Of Thrones, where Joffrey says "I am THE KING!" And his father the badass Lannister says "Anyone who really IS the king would NEVER feel they have to say that." That can be applied to butches, transmen (and performed masculinity by cis men) - if someone has to earnestly draw attention to all that they are trying to be, and all the ways they "prove" it, they arent really secure in whatever it is. That's unattractibve.

[Tuff Stuff]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

There is another thing. Some guy was staring at us holding hands in a department store and the butch started to chuckle and stare him down. I mean, don't you think that's a dangerous thing to do? I don't feel like getting assaulted or worse because someone was staring at us.

If some guy stared at me & the wife like he wanted trouble..believe me,he found it.My stare is loooong and hard...actually,my wife is the dangerous one.

[homoe]

bumping this because I see so many femmes posting in theirs

[TL1]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Recently I had a butch tell me they felt like a 'loser' when I opened the door for them. I honestly wasn't trying to prove a point. I got to the door first, so I opened it and held it open. I'm totally out of practice and don't remember the 'rules' anymore. How do other butchers feel about the door thing?

People are quick to get hung up on roles and how things should be. We all have our ideas... Even I do.
of course my natural instinct is to open a door for my date but it doesn't define who I am if someone opens the door for me. To each their own but I find it a bit petty when someone has a fit over such things.

[Angeltoes]

True. I don't think a couple has to stick to their so-called roles to be romantic with each other.

This butch also likes to pull out my chair when we're going to eat and that's very sweet, but I think it may get old after awhile. Sometimes a girl just wants to pull out her own chair and sit down...

[NitroChrys_Butch]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Recently I had a butch tell me they felt like a 'loser' when I opened the door for them. I honestly wasn't trying to prove a point. I got to the door first, so I opened it and held it open. I'm totally out of practice and don't remember the 'rules' anymore. How do other butchers feel about the door thing?

I would be a gentleman and thank you. I am confident enough to let a woman open a door for Me. And even if I did feel annoyed about (not happening), I sure wouldn't tell her about it.

[NitroChrys_Butch]

Do you like being flirted with? Of course. It lets Me know she is into Me.
How much? I like My women classy.
How forward? If she decides that she needs to lace everything sexually or come on strong to get and keep My attention, she is wrong. Sometimes it is all in what she doesn't say that keeps My attention.
Do you prefer someone to go all out in their own way or do you prefer a girl that just is completely casual? I want her to be her. I don't want to wonder on a second date where that woman went. There was a reason I asked her on a date and if she feels like she has to "up her game" to keep Me interested, that never lasts for too long and then it jig is up. It also depends on the date. I will admit a first date might be a 4 star restaurant so I expect her to know how to behave there. OR it might be a picnic on the beach looking for sea glass. Bottom line: she should just be her. I wouldn't have asked her out if she was someone else.
Do you like to be asked out? I am confident enough to be flattered.
Do you like your arm being touched and leaning in or do you prefer to do all the work? I don't want to do all the "work" ... she should let Me know she is glad to be with Me. That calls for interaction and engaging Me in conversation and by her actions.
Do you like her to be agreeable or do you like her playful and sassy? Can I choose both?
How would she behave on a date that would pop your clogs? All depends on if I want My clogs popped. LOL. I have no idea what that means so I will need clarification.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

True. I don't think a couple has to stick to their so-called roles to be romantic with each other.

This butch also likes to pull out my chair when we're going to eat and that's very sweet, but I think it may get old after awhile. Sometimes a girl just wants to pull out her own chair and sit down...

Given the initial post about the holding of the door, it sounds like this butch may be old school. If so, that's a part of them and is likely not going to change. If you don't like it or can't deal with it, then you need to have that discussion with them.