Everything you wanted to know about dating...

[*Anya*]

...but were afraid to ask/share/discuss.

A couple of folks have brought up that we really did not have a thread to talk about the art and science of dating.

Not a hook up thread but a place to ask questions, get tips from each other or trade dating positives as well as dating horror stories.

Hopefully, this can be a positive and encouraging thread.

What would you like to talk about?

We are interested.

[homoe]

Here’s something I’m willing to share on this thread! If someone has caught your eye and piqued your interest and you’re willing to take the risk and ask them out, my advice is to be specific and get the word ‘date’ in at some opportunistic moment. Being too vague is a mistake I think occurs all too often in the dating world

[*Anya*]

Since I have been doing a bit of dating the last 6-8 weeks, I am more than happy to share my success stories as well as my not-so-successful stories.

I always meet first for coffee. I like having my car in case it does not turn out well and I always pay for myself.

Even though I never say yes without reading profiles first, one never knows what one will find.

The most stable appearing people may not be so much in person. I never let anyone know where I live until I have that first meeting for coffee and never if I don't want to see them again.

I have downed a cup in 30 minutes (when I knew it was not going to work) and have taken 2-hours (when I thought there was potential).

It's kind of like a job interview....disguised as a date.

[homoe]

I have to admit I’ve never been fond of the coffee thingy. It is indeed like a job interview and we all know how nerve wracking one of those can be! I think another reason I avoid the coffee date is because I always get the feeling the clock is ticking and I’ve only got a limited amount of time to make a good impression or they are out the door!

[genghisfawn]

I generally like to chat for a little while first... when someone says, "I don't like to chat and e-mail endlessly - I just want to ask you out and see where it goes," I know we're not going to be a match. I'm introverted and meeting someone new burns my energy and attention up at an alarming rate, so unless there's something that catches my attention and I really *want* to meet within a few communications, then fine.

I think my worst date ever was with someone who was outright disgusted that I'd ever had a relationship with a man (he was my unicorn, and I genuinely loved him.) She berated me at the table, then excused herself to the "bathroom" (and by that, I mean "never to be seen again.) Cripes.

[macele]

sometimes i can trust my first impression sensor deal i have in my 455 rocket LOL, ... and sometimes i need to chill and come back around for a second "whatchoo got up under that hood!".

i miss things. i really do. i'm the nervous type, even though there's no telling what i might say, say just what i'm thinking, ... i'm still so nervous. i like to think she is too.

but i'm not one to give advice on dating lol. you all just give away! i like reading.

[Dude]

I love that you started this and I think it will help people
if nothing else than to see other perspectives.

Back in my twenties I had a therapist who told me to go on
practice dates to help me with my non datearound er stuff.
I even told these dates that they were practice dates and
they did not seem to mind. I only had three of them (different
people) and none made me want to pursue a second date.
Then I stopped the experiment ,my ex came back into the picture
and said I needed to date her more , so I did. :]
I still would date her more and again which is why I went
to therapy to begin with. If only we had met later in life , I think
things would have been very different and we would likely still be
together.

Then a few years later I dated two women at the same time. My ego
got big ,thinking I had to choose between them and poof
I ended up with no choice at all.

I used to roll my eyes seeing ads talking about "friends first"
but now I sooo fucking get it.
For me, you have to first be my friend and then stay my friend
or I gotta go.

So, I gotta wonder if that's a reasonable request and if I am
crazy for thinking that maybe a long (?) friendship is the way to
begin. Then , I have also been in situations where it
has been a friendship so long you cant even imagine being
with that person romantically. No sparks.
friendly sparks
is that asking too much?

Then comes the internet stuff , web-caming and what-nots (snort)
I've had woman cam me without even asking
being more than a bit suggestive to get my attention.
oy
and it worked
I was reeled in but I was younger and didnt know jack.
I dont want that for myself , these days.

I think if it is the "right"
someone it will just flow and there will be an equal infatuation
(a desire to learn ALL about each other)
and no rush to consummate things. (Owning "my stuff" as
well here.)
I see things happening at warp speed online and that is
not for me at all. (although I have done the warp speed lust,
I would never be able to say that I loved someone on the
second or third meet up)

sparky , lusty friendship with a heaping dose of kindness
and patience is what I genuinely want


I wont put myself in a position to compete for anyone
nor do I think the person who is "right" for me would
tolerate competing for me.

I've seen many sad endings by people thinking they
have won the prize but it was all just about the winning
and they really didnt even want the prize.

[*Anya*]

I do love reading about other experiences and perspectives.

I am an introvert too but find it relatively easy now (other than the first hello) meeting women on a 1:1 basis.

Before that coffee date, some emails and texts are exchanged-I don't go in cold.

This may sound terrible but I don't have a lot of time or energy these days. I want to meet sooner rather than later. Honestly, if I do not have any sexual attraction for the person-I don't get dragging it out.

If I have sexual attraction, then yes, I want to invest the time and attention to get to know them better.

Having sexual attraction does not mean jumping in bed with her but knowing it has the potential to have it all-love, intimacy, companionship and sex.

I'm no nun. I have jumped.

That is a story for another day...

[Greco]

Anya,

Your thread has come just in time. I've tried this once before but now can see how it went the wrong way, you live and learn.

Yes, I have put down my walls and am going to date. For me its been several years, and no not looking for anything but having great talks, fun outdoors, sharing quality time.

Greco