Being female within Butch

[Ascot]

Watching TV the other night I was once again bombarded with commercials for the next miracle anti-aging cream aimed at/for women. Some were replete with "Blah, blah gift included with your purchase of $XX or more, Estee Lauder, blah, blah...". Come to think of it, I don't know that I've ever seen skin care ads for anything other than those to do with shaving that were geared for men. But I digress. First, I was irked by all the messages implying that looking one's age was a horrible thing. God forbid a laugh line or a crow foot. (Wouldn't that be the singular? Don't get me started on the whole blue tooths vs. blue teeth thing.) Then I found myself thinking about how it feels when I am pressed to consciously choose products specifically because I am female. Yes, I am a woman. I've never had discomfort with that fact. The thing is, it just doesn't usually cross my mind. My gender is Butch; I embody female masculinity. When I interact with someone, anyone, I'm not thinking about doing so as a woman, but rather simply as a person. Having said that, when engaging with someone of the Femme persuasion, I am quite aware of the lovely frisson that courses through my Butch veins.

With the exception of bras, very much a necessity for me, literally every article of clothing I wear comes from the men's department. The paste I use in my hair-guy stuff. My deodorant-definitely not girly.My bath soap-cool smelling green tea stuff from Trader Joe's. My toothpaste-okay, that's probably gender neutral. So, when I recently decided to once again start taking a multivitamin, it was an odd and rather foreign experience to read labels and find the product best suited for me, a woman. It's been several years since I've had to purchase tampons, so I suspect that's part of the reason the feeling was stronger than it might have been when I was younger. Regarding the whole tampon thing; I eventually got over my discomfort with plunking them down in front of the cashier, but it still always made me squirm a bit to be standing in that aisle with all that pink and turquoise and whatever other colors marketers deemed most attractive to those in need of FEMININE hygiene products. It does my heart good to see that some company is now packaging their wares in pretty groovy black boxes.

It's entirely possible that I started this thread prematurely because I'm still sussing out my own thoughts/feelings on the subject, but I am curious to hear what others experience in regards to being reminded of one's femaleness while inhabiting butch skin. Is it no big deal? Does it suck for you? Is it just kind of weird or a little annoying? Does it make you want to leap with joy?

[randrum]

I'm not sure if I'm the best person to respond to this. In a lot of ways, I'm still sorting out my identity. But I relate to a lot of what you said.

Everything from my clothes to personal hygiene products in primarily "men's". That being said, I still need to buy tampons. And that's a struggle every time I go. I absolutely hate having to buy them. Whenever I can, I send my sister to buy them for me. Or I go to Sam's and buy a huge box so I don't have to worry about it for a while. And when I do buy them, my anxiety spikes and I can't even meet the cashiers eye. I pray no one sees me.

In terms of multivitamins, I take women's one a day. Because, well, I don't know all the differences between the men's and women's. And biologically I am female. That doesn't bother me so much, for some reason.

Bras. Ugh. That's another push button topic for me. I hate wearing them, in any form. I either wear a sports bra or a frog bra. Thankfully I can order those online now, and don't experience the nervousness and anxiety in the store.

[Ascot]

While I posted this in the "Butch Zone", I invite input from everyone.

Yeah, the whole tampon thing...blech. I don't think I was comfortable with it until I was in college. Eventually I got to the point where the pendulum swung far to the other side, and if I was in the mood for a little dose of schadenfreude, I would intentionally seek out a young male cashier just to watch him squirm. What can I say, I come by my sadism naturally.

The thing about choosing specifically women's vitamins, it didn't discomfit me, but I did find myself having an, "Oh, hmm, yeah, I suppose I should factor that in." moment.

[TruTexan]

I'm a butch , I'm female, I'm a woman (I Love who I am) and I get what you're saying here. Good thread by the way. I think it's worth talking about.
When I was younger, like 17 and early 20's, it used to bother me to buy tampons at the store, completely would get embarrassed. If I could send my gf to get them, I did. I hated buying them. Bra's on the other hand, never bothered me wearing them, I have boobs, I"m a woman, and it's a must have.
I could shop in the under wear dept in the stores and purchase women's jockey underwear cause they don't ride up my ass crack, I hate that, and I could purchase bra's no problem. Never embarrassed me about that. But the Tampon thing? OMG hell to the NO until I got into my 30's and just accepted the fact that it wasn't going to change any time soon so I let it go and stopped being embarrassed buying them. I actually had to stop using them because I would get cramps so bad when I did, I started using pads instead, no cramping with that. I hated having cramps. I hated mood swinging too when I was on my period. I hated it hated it hated it.
As for my clothing, always male, always men's jeans, men's shirts, men's t-shirts, some boxers that fit like shorts, and boys socks cause I have small feet, and boys shoes for the same reason. I do however wear women's sneakers, I find them more comfortable then the boys sneakers.
Multivitamins, nah, I have to take Vitamin D though cause I have a deficiency with it in my older age now.

I see those wrinkle commercials daily and I don't even think twice about it til I see one. I use dove soap to bathe with. I use Aussie shampoo and it smells good. I use CK1 cologne when I do wear it on special occasions. And I use Degree for women deodorant because it works best. I like the baby powder or fresh scent.

On a daily basis, I don't sit around thinking about girl stuff. I usually have too much running amok in my brain to do that. LOL
As I get older and older, I could give a rats ass and don't put too much emphasis on women's things anymore like I did when I was younger. Who cares, I'm still butch, I'm still me. Like me or hate me, I'm still me, and I will always be just me.
I have however thought about using some type of skin protectant/nourishing on my face and hands. Just not sure what to buy. I don't like greasy feeling stuff and I want it to quickly dry. Maybe I will talk to the femmes I know and see what they recommend. I don't mind getting old, hell my hair is all silver now mostly and I don't plan on dying it. LOL I want to grow old gracefully. Thanks for the thread Ascot. I will continue to read and post most likely. I hope more of the butches post responses too.

[bright_arrow]

I just wanted to chime in that even as a femme identified woman, buying tampons is awkward, though not so much as before. It's a fact of life, we don't feel uncomfortable when we buy toilet paper do we? Okay maybe some of us do, but come on.. basic necessities :-\

I've often been the tampon buyer for partners and now I don't really care. Tampons, condoms, underwear, toilet paper... If people want to judge my purchases they can have at it!

[JDeere]

I am glad you want input from everyone!

I am trans, pre T, pre surgeries so I still go through what you have mentioned.

I am the one who buys the tampons, pads, etc for myself as well as my partner (when I have one). I have no issues with that.

As far as bras go, yeah I still wear one, then a binder. Almost all my clothes are men's as well.

I do agree with the others, this is a great topic to be discussed.

[Tuff Stuff]

Yeah,I can relate to alot of these post.I always wear mens clothes,undies,socks ect.As a kid i'd wear boys clothes "shrug".Never had a problem buying feminine nappies,it was like a diaper to me.
I never wore make-up are used womens beauty products,although I do see myself as a woman/a female.
I seem to want the latest men products that I see in magazines or on tv.
I like being in my skin,I know what I am and who I am blah blah blah.

Interesting thread.

[Celtglen]

I have to say that the years (10) I spent in technology were the worst for me being an out Butch Dyke; it got worse when Seattlegf and I got together and I put some framed pictures of us on my desk.
Jealousy is a green monster.

Before those years I ran my own businesses (photography and video production, landscaping and auto repair) so what I wore or who I was fucking never was an issue. My clothing has always been mens clothing - I was 6' by the time I was in High School.

As far as the feminine products (bras included) I have always had an issue - the bras were and still are uncomfortable especially when repairing cars - I am rather well 'endowed' and took to not wearing a bra so I could flop my girls off to my arm pits so I would shimmy under cars - otherwise it were a lost cause.

In my 30s I wore a bit of lipgloss and bought L'oreal, designer mens clothing and wore Channel #5. Once I got sick (38) and the bucks stopped coming in those fell by the wayside.

In my instance, Butch is what I am by society's definition (strait and queer), I have reclaimed the word Dyke, taken it back from Society and have made it my own and a positive description -- my strait friends cannot figure that out and they still say I shouldn't say that about myself...which makes me cringe because we have an incredible number of Dykes of Distinction in history.

Hygiene products; I buy no aluminum Tom's of Vermont, L'oreal Blue for greying hair (why look at the sparkle!) and Dial mountain fresh because I love the Mtns.

I stopped bleeding a decade ago (YAY!) but I hated every cycle for 30 years and the bulky nappies and impossible Tampons of "old"; be happy someone finally got them right--you youngens have no idea how it felt to ride a horse w/o a saddle every frickin month!

Celtglen

[Ascot]

I had a funny moment yesterday that made this thread come to mind.

My buddy Jake has two young sons, one 4 and the other a cutie pie of 2. I met them for the first time yesterday when we all got together for lunch. Near the end of our meal, the older little guy leans close to his father and in a stage whisper asks, "Is she a dad?" Jake and I shared a look and then burst out laughing. I think it was kind of a genius question, full of insight that a lot of adults lack. This wee being seemed fully aware of the fact that I am female, even as I exhibit a degree of masculinity that had him go with 'dad' instead of 'mom'. More to the point, it seemed very much as though that was a completely reasonable and acceptable thing to him.

It gives me hope that perhaps we are finally starting to get to a place of such things truly not mattering. (I'm not entirely certain that 'mattering' is a real word)