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06-16-2010, 08:56 AM | #1 |
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A friend of Dorothys- how important is community?
I often see when reading the threads, comments from people who say that they are living in a place that has no community. And these comments often include expressions of feeling isolated. And it made me wonder- just how important is having r/t community?
I know for me it has been extremely important, to the extent, that from early teenage years I left home and family in the pursuit of being in a place where, as a Butch, I would be surrounded by the familiar. All through my adult life it has been the over-riding factor when deciding where to settle, and even when considering job offers/opportunities, access to community was always the final determiner. But I wonder does that “need” change over time, as we mature, as our priorities change? I know for me it did. When I had to make a decision to leave being in the midst of large and active Butch-Femme Community to be with the woman I loved, I worried about leaving what I had known since those early teenage years. But I shouldn’t have worried- I don’t hanker to be surrounded/submerged by the community as I once did. I feel comfortable and confident enough with who I am without having to be somewhere that is familiar, or in a place where str8 is the anomaly. In fact I’m quiet enjoying not blending in anymore. Have others gone through this- changed geography, what impact has being with/without r/t community had on you? Are there certain times in our lives when it’s more important than others? Is it important, if so, why?
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06-16-2010, 09:18 AM | #2 |
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Very interesting Converse....
I would actually say that my situation is just the opposite. Being born and raised in the deep south, I have known only bias, homophobia, predjudice, and shame on the note of being accepted here for being gay. I have had to hide my entire life. The older I get the more I want to be a part of a community that doesn't look at me as a freak. I lived for a short time last summer in New Mexico. Talk about a culture shock, and in a good way. No one gave a crap that I was gay and people there didn't get all "bug eyed" when I walked into a restaurant with my partner. I yearn for that freedom and peace. I live here because my family is here....simple truth. But, I won't forever and I can't wait until I can actually be part of a open community where I am no longer an outsider and freak. This site helps, online helps. But, isolated? you betcha....and I hate it. Someday though, maybe someday.....things will be different.
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06-16-2010, 09:27 AM | #3 |
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My priorities have definitely changed in this regard, but I have always lived places with queer communities even though I also live in Tennessee.
Now that I have queer RT friends all over and I have a partner, I seldom participate in the general "Gay and Lesbian" community events in my city. I used to be at the bar 65 nights a week, now I am a homebody.
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06-16-2010, 09:52 AM | #4 | |
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06-16-2010, 10:01 AM | #5 | |
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Every now and them when we are traveling we will pull in somewhere to eat, see a lot of big trucks with confederate flags, and just pull right back out and go somewhere more touristy. As I grow older I care less and less about what other people think though. What part of TN Princess? We cancelled a huge picnic when the flood happened, but will be rescheduling soon, maybe you could come and meet some people.
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06-16-2010, 10:04 AM | #6 | |
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06-16-2010, 09:39 AM | #7 | |
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06-16-2010, 09:49 AM | #8 | |
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Apocalipstic, you know, I am sure there are some gay social groups at least within driving distance of me and I know I should probably find a way to check them out. Without having any gay friends here, I just haven't...but it is a good idea.
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