What is your fondest coming out memory?

*Anya* · 07-20-2011, 05:28 AM

All of us can relate to the difficult times of coming out-regardless of our gender ID or our dynamic. There also are some fond, happy memories of coming out for many of us.

I knew I always was attracted to girls. My mom found me in the back seat of an old, junked 1940 car that was in the backyard of a friend's house in NJ. I must have been 7-8, She was 8-9. We were playing doctor or something of that nature-pants were off (haha). My mom had been looking for me, found us in a "compromising" act of some sort & dragged me home.

Fast forward to 1979 (yes I am old). My best friend & I had flirted for a year before we finally bedded each other. But we told ourselves we were really straight, maybe bi. We thought it would be fun to go to a gay bar-male, on New Years eve, a bar called Ripples.

My fondest memory of coming out to myself, totally, with my whole heart and soul was that night in Ripples. It was absolute joy for me that night! Dancing with her, with our tribe of men & women. It was the time of disco, blowing whistles, "Shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah" and we did! We danced constantly, fast and slow songs. You haven't seen anything until you have seen an entire club do "The Hustle" as one (younger folks-Google it). At midnight we joyously kissed, looked at each other & nearly the same time said: "I guess we are really gay"!

I will always remember that night fondly, when the New Year became 1980! It made all the rest of my coming out a little easier to recall the fun we had that night.

Postscript: after that, we only went to lesbian bars, we both realized we actually were attracted to butches, not femmes and within that year, went back to being best friends.

I thought of this thread because yesterday on the radio heard "Shake your Groove Thing" & smiled with the memories of that night.

What is your fondest, happy memory of coming out?

Dominique · 07-20-2011, 05:58 AM

My first real exposure was when I went to a school of professional art. Keep in mind, I grew up Rural and my father was a farmer. I had zero exposure to gay folks. LOL. Life change in one day, the first day of school.

The gay men, were very obvious. I was captivated by them (and the wonderful art they produced) Quickly and with amazing ease, I befriended them. They were a tri mester or two ahead of me, but some classes co mingled, and I saw them in what was called free time....not study hall, free time was time to work on projects in the labs you needed extra time in.

They sensed things about me that *I* didn't know, and they were very gentle in spoon feeding me information. Looking back, I'm sure they didn't want to freak me out. Eventually, I started understandng what they were sensing and was comfortable enough to talk to them about it. Learning curve applied. We had two years, no rush.

We had a class, it was called anatomy. We sketched nude models in conte. Conte is *something like a soft chalk*. Some of the models, I often thought were there for money for their next drug fix, and were hard to sketch. Others, were excellent. It didn't take long to see, from my sketches, when I saw a beautiful body, my art work reflected the beautiful anatomy of the model. My Gay male mentors pointed out to me how some of my sketches were truely pieces of art, others were (lol) garbage.(garbage would be non woman art) There was a time line here. I realized, I loved the body of women, my eyes, to my brain, to my hands was able to transform some magical things.

The gay men opened my eyes to Art, and its many forms. I can see art in so many things (especially women) and that is where it all began for me. They took me to the bars, introduced me to the gay scene....also dating myself, the gay scene was still a bit *underground*...but ever changing.
Then I became involved with my first woman. My male friends mentored me
with every question I had, (and I talked so freely with them) That first relationship lasted quite a few years.

You never forget your first love. There is somethng that remains extra special about it. I'm so glad I went to Art school, met those two men.....and realized, I didn't fit into that old box any longer......AND, it's ok!

Chancie · 07-20-2011, 06:28 AM

Years ago, when I lived and taught in New York City,

I worked in a welfare-to-work program.

For the sake of this story, ignore my anger and disappointment when I realized

The program wasn't going to help women prepare for real job opportunities.

Because the women were adults,

There were plenty of conversations about children and families.

I wore a traditional wedding ring with a diamond band and

My students always wanted to know if I was married.

I would give some corny answer, like, Oh, yeah, to mathematical concepts, but

One day, I decided, enough with this crap, and when someone asked my husband's name, I said,

I have a partner, and her name is 'fill in the feminine name'.

The students were so moved by my 'realness' that

I had the most incredible relationship with them, and maybe I felt different too.

Sachita · 07-20-2011, 07:46 AM

I was 16 and lied about my age to get into this lesbian club in South Florida. Up until that point I had only been with 2 women, nothing but heavy petting and experimenting. So I took my fake ID and hitched a ride to another part of town. I was so stupid but I just had to figure out what was going on with me. I remember going to a gay bookstore to find a listing of places. This one sounded good and wasn't as far as the others.

My heart was racing. I had long hair down to my waist pulled back in a pigtail. I had on a short denim skirt and a cropped top, pair of cowboy boots. This big Dyke approaches me, pushes me against the wall and kisses me deeply on the mouth. My head was spinning.

I went every weekend after that until they closed the place.

*Anya* · 07-20-2011, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sachita

I was 16 and lied about my age to get into this lesbian club in South Florida. Up until that point I had only been with 2 women, nothing but heavy petting and experimenting. So I took my fake ID and hitched a ride to another part of town. I was so stupid but I just had to figure out what was going on with me. I remember going to a gay bookstore to find a listing of places. This one sounded good and wasn't as far as the others.

My heart was racing. I had long hair down to my waist pulled back in a pigtail. I had on a short denim skirt and a cropped top, pair of cowboy boots. This big Dyke approaches me, pushes me against the wall and kisses me deeply on the mouth. My head was spinning.

I went every weekend after that until they closed the place.

Oh, so hot, so awesome! I am smiling at your memory!

Lord, love our butches! Hey just thought of a new thread for femmes! Thanks for your memory

Glenn · 07-20-2011, 09:52 AM

I became a musician in a lesbian/feminist band when I was eighteen. We played in local gay clubs, coffee houses, private parties, etc.

Kenna · 07-20-2011, 08:06 AM

After not dating for MANY years while I was raising my son (I didn't want a "revolving door" of dates or mates in his life) ...
Right after I finally came out...my first "date" is my fondest memory... she was my mom's neighbor that I'd had a crush on for several years. (I still get tickled when I remember her saying "don't tell your mom! She'll meet me at the door with a shotgun!)
She was very out and proud and helped me gain self-confidence and self-esteem.
We took a carriage ride along the Susquehanna river and City Island at sunset with our dogs riding shotgun and my date flirting with everyone (I always LOVED how she would flirt and make "the girls" swoon over her...)...then we ended the evening with a wonderful home cooked meal. I still have the pictures of the stunning sunset as our carriage crossed the Walnut Street Bridge.
That date was our celebration of me coming out...and it felt so good to be free while she protected me that evening from the harsh comments of others.

tapu · 07-20-2011, 08:23 AM

Like Anya and perhaps others, my best memory is coming out to myself. I was in college and had the proverbial epiphany (through having a brief affair) and once I was fully aware and accepting, I ran around campus for weeks with a smile on my face and a chant in my head: I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay....

JAGG · 08-05-2011, 01:59 PM

I don't think I've actually ever came out. I think just by looking at me its no secret. But I think the first and only time I ever said I'm gay was about 5 yrs ago. I'm usally a private person and don't feel like I want share personal info with total strangers. Also you should know,nothing irritates more than someone trying to sell me something that I hadn't inquired about.
I was working in my garage one day, with the door up. This woman (obviously selling something) just walks into my garage without an invitation or greeting. Which instantly rubs me the wrong way. She then says I'd like to ask do you own or rent this house. I said I own it. A surprised tone in her voice she said , you do ? Then asks, well is your husband home? I had a million things I wanted to say to her, and trying to curb my growing anger, I just said HUSBAND? I don't have a husband, I'm GAY! She stood there for several seconds, trying to digest what she just heard me say. Then her mouth opened wide and this alarmed expression crossed her face, and all she said was OOh. Then she stood there silently for what seemed like 10 seconds speachless. I call that cracking their face. Like a statue that just cracks in a million peices and crumbles to the ground. Visibly shaken, she said , you have a nice day, and practically ran out of my garage. Who knew 2 little words could have such an effect. Hahaha I thought to myself, bet I never see her again. And busted up laughing.

deb_U_taunt · 08-05-2011, 07:21 PM

I was 14 and going to group counseling. There was this flannel shirt, work boot, crew cut, 501 wearing handsome butch in the group. I was smitten and she didn't have a chance.

girl_dee · 08-05-2011, 07:29 PM

Joining lesbian softball.

a team of dykes and me!

07-20-2011, 05:28 AM	#1
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,790 Times in 7,290 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	What is your fondest coming out memory? All of us can relate to the difficult times of coming out-regardless of our gender ID or our dynamic. There also are some fond, happy memories of coming out for many of us. I knew I always was attracted to girls. My mom found me in the back seat of an old, junked 1940 car that was in the backyard of a friend's house in NJ. I must have been 7-8, She was 8-9. We were playing doctor or something of that nature-pants were off (haha). My mom had been looking for me, found us in a "compromising" act of some sort & dragged me home. Fast forward to 1979 (yes I am old). My best friend & I had flirted for a year before we finally bedded each other. But we told ourselves we were really straight, maybe bi. We thought it would be fun to go to a gay bar-male, on New Years eve, a bar called Ripples. My fondest memory of coming out to myself, totally, with my whole heart and soul was that night in Ripples. It was absolute joy for me that night! Dancing with her, with our tribe of men & women. It was the time of disco, blowing whistles, "Shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah" and we did! We danced constantly, fast and slow songs. You haven't seen anything until you have seen an entire club do "The Hustle" as one (younger folks-Google it). At midnight we joyously kissed, looked at each other & nearly the same time said: "I guess we are really gay"! I will always remember that night fondly, when the New Year became 1980! It made all the rest of my coming out a little easier to recall the fun we had that night. Postscript: after that, we only went to lesbian bars, we both realized we actually were attracted to butches, not femmes and within that year, went back to being best friends. I thought of this thread because yesterday on the radio heard "Shake your Groove Thing" & smiled with the memories of that night. What is your fondest, happy memory of coming out? __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

07-20-2011, 05:58 AM	#2
Dominique Member How Do You Identify?: Female/Lesbian/half the athlete I used to be Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: Dates Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: So proud to be a Pittsburgher Posts: 1,484 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,645 Thanked 3,735 Times in 1,168 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	My first real exposure was when I went to a school of professional art. Keep in mind, I grew up Rural and my father was a farmer. I had zero exposure to gay folks. LOL. Life change in one day, the first day of school. The gay men, were very obvious. I was captivated by them (and the wonderful art they produced) Quickly and with amazing ease, I befriended them. They were a tri mester or two ahead of me, but some classes co mingled, and I saw them in what was called free time....not study hall, free time was time to work on projects in the labs you needed extra time in. They sensed things about me that I didn't know, and they were very gentle in spoon feeding me information. Looking back, I'm sure they didn't want to freak me out. Eventually, I started understandng what they were sensing and was comfortable enough to talk to them about it. Learning curve applied. We had two years, no rush. We had a class, it was called anatomy. We sketched nude models in conte. Conte is something like a soft chalk. Some of the models, I often thought were there for money for their next drug fix, and were hard to sketch. Others, were excellent. It didn't take long to see, from my sketches, when I saw a beautiful body, my art work reflected the beautiful anatomy of the model. My Gay male mentors pointed out to me how some of my sketches were truely pieces of art, others were (lol) garbage.(garbage would be non woman art) There was a time line here. I realized, I loved the body of women, my eyes, to my brain, to my hands was able to transform some magical things. The gay men opened my eyes to Art, and its many forms. I can see art in so many things (especially women) and that is where it all began for me. They took me to the bars, introduced me to the gay scene....also dating myself, the gay scene was still a bit underground...but ever changing. Then I became involved with my first woman. My male friends mentored me with every question I had, (and I talked so freely with them) That first relationship lasted quite a few years. You never forget your first love. There is somethng that remains extra special about it. I'm so glad I went to Art school, met those two men.....and realized, I didn't fit into that old box any longer......AND, it's ok! __________________ As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be??

07-20-2011, 07:46 AM	#4
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,994 Times in 2,249 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I was 16 and lied about my age to get into this lesbian club in South Florida. Up until that point I had only been with 2 women, nothing but heavy petting and experimenting. So I took my fake ID and hitched a ride to another part of town. I was so stupid but I just had to figure out what was going on with me. I remember going to a gay bookstore to find a listing of places. This one sounded good and wasn't as far as the others. My heart was racing. I had long hair down to my waist pulled back in a pigtail. I had on a short denim skirt and a cropped top, pair of cowboy boots. This big Dyke approaches me, pushes me against the wall and kisses me deeply on the mouth. My head was spinning. I went every weekend after that until they closed the place. __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

07-20-2011, 08:23 AM	#8
tapu Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Understated butch. Preferred Pronoun?: I Relationship Status: Party of One Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Maine Posts: 1,654 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,324 Thanked 3,112 Times in 1,103 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Like Anya and perhaps others, my best memory is coming out to myself. I was in college and had the proverbial epiphany (through having a brief affair) and once I was fully aware and accepting, I ran around campus for weeks with a smile on my face and a chant in my head: I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay.... __________________ Really? That's not funny to you?

08-05-2011, 01:59 PM	#9
JAGG Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: JAGG Relationship Status: =) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tulsa (cat free zone) Posts: 6,093 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,651 Thanked 17,543 Times in 4,141 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	man of the house I don't think I've actually ever came out. I think just by looking at me its no secret. But I think the first and only time I ever said I'm gay was about 5 yrs ago. I'm usally a private person and don't feel like I want share personal info with total strangers. Also you should know,nothing irritates more than someone trying to sell me something that I hadn't inquired about. I was working in my garage one day, with the door up. This woman (obviously selling something) just walks into my garage without an invitation or greeting. Which instantly rubs me the wrong way. She then says I'd like to ask do you own or rent this house. I said I own it. A surprised tone in her voice she said , you do ? Then asks, well is your husband home? I had a million things I wanted to say to her, and trying to curb my growing anger, I just said HUSBAND? I don't have a husband, I'm GAY! She stood there for several seconds, trying to digest what she just heard me say. Then her mouth opened wide and this alarmed expression crossed her face, and all she said was OOh. Then she stood there silently for what seemed like 10 seconds speachless. I call that cracking their face. Like a statue that just cracks in a million peices and crumbles to the ground. Visibly shaken, she said , you have a nice day, and practically ran out of my garage. Who knew 2 little words could have such an effect. Hahaha I thought to myself, bet I never see her again. And busted up laughing. __________________ I don't want to spend my life with someone I can live with, I want to spend my life with someone I can't live without.

07-20-2011, 06:28 AM	#3
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,708 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,248 Thanked 14,389 Times in 2,680 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Years ago, when I lived and taught in New York City, I worked in a welfare-to-work program. For the sake of this story, ignore my anger and disappointment when I realized The program wasn't going to help women prepare for real job opportunities. Because the women were adults, There were plenty of conversations about children and families. I wore a traditional wedding ring with a diamond band and My students always wanted to know if I was married. I would give some corny answer, like, Oh, yeah, to mathematical concepts, but One day, I decided, enough with this crap, and when someone asked my husband's name, I said, I have a partner, and her name is 'fill in the feminine name'. The students were so moved by my 'realness' that I had the most incredible relationship with them, and maybe I felt different too.

07-20-2011, 09:52 AM	#6
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dear Ol Butch Bones Preferred Pronoun?: Old Thing Relationship Status: Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: :rolleyes: Posts: 1,546 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,597 Thanked 3,732 Times in 1,096 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I became a musician in a lesbian/feminist band when I was eighteen. We played in local gay clubs, coffee houses, private parties, etc.

07-20-2011, 08:06 AM	#7
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,786 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,613 Thanked 12,118 Times in 3,759 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	After not dating for MANY years while I was raising my son (I didn't want a "revolving door" of dates or mates in his life) ... Right after I finally came out...my first "date" is my fondest memory... she was my mom's neighbor that I'd had a crush on for several years. (I still get tickled when I remember her saying "don't tell your mom! She'll meet me at the door with a shotgun!) She was very out and proud and helped me gain self-confidence and self-esteem. We took a carriage ride along the Susquehanna river and City Island at sunset with our dogs riding shotgun and my date flirting with everyone (I always LOVED how she would flirt and make "the girls" swoon over her...)...then we ended the evening with a wonderful home cooked meal. I still have the pictures of the stunning sunset as our carriage crossed the Walnut Street Bridge. That date was our celebration of me coming out...and it felt so good to be free while she protected me that evening from the harsh comments of others.

08-05-2011, 07:21 PM	#10
deb_U_taunt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: ........ Join Date: May 2011 Location: ....... Posts: 1,748 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,324 Thanked 5,259 Times in 1,362 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I was 14 and going to group counseling. There was this flannel shirt, work boot, crew cut, 501 wearing handsome butch in the group. I was smitten and she didn't have a chance.

08-05-2011, 07:29 PM	#11
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,958 Times in 13,923 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Joining lesbian softball. a team of dykes and me!