Original Bad Prose or Stories!

*Anya* · 09-23-2011, 04:57 PM

SoNotHer and I enjoyed the Bad Bar Lines so much, we talked about starting a thread with our own, original prose or stories.

It can be a take off on Bad Hemingway or Dark and Stormy night or whatever you would like. My first attempt is very, very bad and I hope you enjoy it!

*Anya* · 09-23-2011, 04:59 PM

It was a dark and stormy night...the wind blew cold and then it blew as hot as a sandstorm across the desert in Morocco or the hot breath of her former lover that always seemed to smell as though she bathed in a vat of onions.

She didn't know if she should put on a heavier coat or take off her dress. It was very confusing to her and it did not take too much to trouble her mind or to wrinkle her brow...though having just had her latest series of Botox injections; it was not exactly a brow wrinkle.

She almost looked as she did the one time a rabid bat flew into her tiny, one-room apartment and startled her so much that she dropped a pot of spaghetti sauce and it appeared just like it was fresh, dripping blood splashed up to the ceiling on her yellowed, kitchen wall, right next to the stove, heavy with grease that she never washed off because grease made her sick.

Her BFF told her what had happened to her when the unlicensed plastic surgeon injected her with Botox. It appeared he *"Spocked" her! She shrugged off that thought because thinking about it upset her and upsetting thoughts would only beget more wrinkles. It was a vicious circle really and a circle of hell as vivid to her as Dante's 7th.

She decided she would take off her dress to cool off. It was a lovely shade of purple that she had bought at a thrift shop because it had a wide, black leather belt that went perfectly with her red patent leather tennis shoes that she picked out because they helped her sprint like a tornado when she last ran with the bulls on a trip to Spain the summer her father married for the 3rd time.

Much better she thought. I am now comfortable. Her smooth and untroubled forehead, though relaxed from the injections, smoothed out further and life was good.

*” As in brows that go up at the ends like Spock.

SoNotHer · 09-24-2011, 02:04 AM

OMG

This is laugh out loud stuff, A/G!

I love it and the gauntlet has indeed been thrown down.

Time to get cooking....

SoNotHer · 09-24-2011, 09:57 AM

Beulah had long suffered the fact that her attempts to capture the coveted “Perfect Peaks” award for the 'gazooms that garnered the longest and most genuine gawking' were for naught, especially when Tussy LaMare was in the running and threatening to fire candy corn from a whirly gig mounted to her devils dumplings, if she lost. Nevertheless and consequently, her sense of good sportsmanship challenged to its absolute limit, Beulah decided that this year, “Second Best Breasts” was simply not good enough.[/SIZE]

*Anya* · 09-24-2011, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoNotHer

Beulah had long suffered the fact that her attempts to capture the coveted “Perfect Peaks” award for the 'gazooms that garnered the longest and most genuine gawking' were for naught, especially when Tussy LaMare was in the running and threatening to fire candy corn from a whirly gig mounted to her devils dumplings, if she lost. Nevertheless and consequently, her sense of good sportsmanship challenged to its absolute limit, Beulah decided that this year, “Second Best Breasts” was simply not good enough.[/SIZE]

Oh my sister! LOL

OK, I will work on a shortie, a one paragraph one but doubt I can top yours for a sheer, sheer wonderful use of words and turn of phrase!

But, I will try!

SoNotHer · 09-24-2011, 01:04 PM

Eagerly awaiting the next entry, A/G

Laissez les mal mots rollez!

Elijah · 09-24-2011, 01:47 PM

*snickers @ devils dumplings

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoNotHer

Beulah had long suffered the fact that her attempts to capture the coveted “Perfect Peaks” award for the 'gazooms that garnered the longest and most genuine gawking' were for naught, especially when Tussy LaMare was in the running and threatening to fire candy corn from a whirly gig mounted to her devils dumplings, if she lost. Nevertheless and consequently, her sense of good sportsmanship challenged to its absolute limit, Beulah decided that this year, “Second Best Breasts” was simply not good enough.[/SIZE]

Cin · 01-02-2012, 05:57 PM

Not sure exactly what works in here but I think this fits the bill for very bad prose:

I had been waiting for this moment for all eternity and would have waited for a thousand forevers if it came to that and consider myself fortunate for the speed of it all and now that it was here I planned to slow down time and make it last that eternity that I had waited so patiently for and as my sword of plenty entered her vacuum of need I wondered just how long forever could be.

chai~ · 01-28-2012, 11:38 PM

Suddenly, she quickly yet slowly opened the car window, inhaling...then exhaling, then inhaling........then exhaling again, the crisp but freakishly muggy foggy air that covered the light fading into bright blue sky.

The random livestock meandering somewhat haphazardly directly accross the paved and gravelly road, boardered on both sides by deep and shallow ditches, were over grown, jacked up on steroids and looking for a fight.

Between the smell of farmer's fields, sidewalk commando livestock and a "new car scent" air freshener hanging from the cigarette lighter knob of her 1978 Gremlin, she knew she was home!

Hollylane · 01-29-2012, 03:41 AM

Plugging it in, she knew joy.

09-23-2011, 04:57 PM	#1
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,540 Times in 7,283 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Original Bad Prose or Stories! SoNotHer and I enjoyed the Bad Bar Lines so much, we talked about starting a thread with our own, original prose or stories. It can be a take off on Bad Hemingway or Dark and Stormy night or whatever you would like. My first attempt is very, very bad and I hope you enjoy it! __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

09-23-2011, 04:59 PM	#2
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,540 Times in 7,283 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Dark & Stormy Night by Anya:) It was a dark and stormy night...the wind blew cold and then it blew as hot as a sandstorm across the desert in Morocco or the hot breath of her former lover that always seemed to smell as though she bathed in a vat of onions. She didn't know if she should put on a heavier coat or take off her dress. It was very confusing to her and it did not take too much to trouble her mind or to wrinkle her brow...though having just had her latest series of Botox injections; it was not exactly a brow wrinkle. She almost looked as she did the one time a rabid bat flew into her tiny, one-room apartment and startled her so much that she dropped a pot of spaghetti sauce and it appeared just like it was fresh, dripping blood splashed up to the ceiling on her yellowed, kitchen wall, right next to the stove, heavy with grease that she never washed off because grease made her sick. Her BFF told her what had happened to her when the unlicensed plastic surgeon injected her with Botox. It appeared he "Spocked" her! She shrugged off that thought because thinking about it upset her and upsetting thoughts would only beget more wrinkles. It was a vicious circle really and a circle of hell as vivid to her as Dante's 7th. She decided she would take off her dress to cool off. It was a lovely shade of purple that she had bought at a thrift shop because it had a wide, black leather belt that went perfectly with her red patent leather tennis shoes that she picked out because they helped her sprint like a tornado when she last ran with the bulls on a trip to Spain the summer her father married for the 3rd time. Much better she thought. I am now comfortable. Her smooth and untroubled forehead, though relaxed from the injections, smoothed out further and life was good. ” As in brows that go up at the ends like Spock. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

09-24-2011, 02:04 AM	#3
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,736 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	"..as vivid as Dante's 7th" OMG This is laugh out loud stuff, A/G! I love it and the gauntlet has indeed been thrown down. Time to get cooking.... __________________ "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." ~ Albert Camus

09-24-2011, 09:57 AM	#4
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,736 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Beulah had long suffered the fact that her attempts to capture the coveted “Perfect Peaks” award for the 'gazooms that garnered the longest and most genuine gawking' were for naught, especially when Tussy LaMare was in the running and threatening to fire candy corn from a whirly gig mounted to her devils dumplings, if she lost. Nevertheless and consequently, her sense of good sportsmanship challenged to its absolute limit, Beulah decided that this year, “Second Best Breasts” was simply not good enough.[/SIZE] __________________ "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." ~ Albert Camus Last edited by SoNotHer; 09-24-2011 at 09:57 AM. Reason: font size yikes!

09-24-2011, 01:04 PM	#6
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,736 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Eagerly awaiting the next entry, A/G Laissez les mal mots rollez! __________________ "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." ~ Albert Camus

01-02-2012, 05:57 PM	#8
Cin Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: In My Head Posts: 2,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,333 Thanked 10,523 Times in 2,486 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Not sure exactly what works in here but I think this fits the bill for very bad prose: I had been waiting for this moment for all eternity and would have waited for a thousand forevers if it came to that and consider myself fortunate for the speed of it all and now that it was here I planned to slow down time and make it last that eternity that I had waited so patiently for and as my sword of plenty entered her vacuum of need I wondered just how long forever could be. __________________ The reason facts don’t change most people’s opinions is because most people don’t use facts to form their opinions. They use their opinions to form their “facts.” Neil Strauss

01-28-2012, 11:38 PM	#9
chai~ Member How Do You Identify?: Self possessed Aquarian Preferred Pronoun?: Don't call me baby~ Relationship Status: Deliciously single and loving it. Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: lotus land Posts: 1,173 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,937 Thanked 3,383 Times in 864 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Suddenly, she quickly yet slowly opened the car window, inhaling...then exhaling, then inhaling........then exhaling again, the crisp but freakishly muggy foggy air that covered the light fading into bright blue sky. The random livestock meandering somewhat haphazardly directly accross the paved and gravelly road, boardered on both sides by deep and shallow ditches, were over grown, jacked up on steroids and looking for a fight. Between the smell of farmer's fields, sidewalk commando livestock and a "new car scent" air freshener hanging from the cigarette lighter knob of her 1978 Gremlin, she knew she was home!

01-29-2012, 03:41 AM	#10
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,362 Times in 5,877 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	Story in 6-words or less... Plugging it in, she knew joy.