I don't think she's out there

[lettertodaddy]

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

[pajama]

My Mom was 38, in a country she barely spoke the language when she met my divorced, alcoholic, Father. She had resigned herself to being single, taking care of her mother and mentally ill sister. Long story, short....they were married 34 years when he passed away.

You just never know when, where, or how love will find you. I have gone through times when I wasn't open to love, and who knows who has passed me by then...true. But at the time it's where I had to be, and I came out of it. I'm sure you'll come out of this stage where you will be open again to who may come your way.

Take this time to make friends. That's often the best place to start.

And you need waaaaaay more than one cat to become the crazy cat librarian.

A

[The_Lady_Snow]

Girl enjoy singlehood!! Find a sexy black dress accessorize and go out for NYE have yourself a good time being single does not equate dead!!!

[ButchEire]

You say single like it's a bad thing. If you feel alone, increase the number of friends you have. I've been single for nearly 5 years and I have no intention of going back. I have more friends than I could have ever imagined and don't feel a compulsion to get into a relationship for the sake of getting into a relationship. I recognize it's different for everyone, but honestly, being single probably shouldn't be the primary reason for getting into a relationship.

[scootebaby]

being single should be looked at as a choice,not a default! like Snow said--enjoy being single!

[Mtn]

I think many of us have felt like, that perfect someone wasn't out there. At sometimes in our lives, it's the perfect person for the moment, for a year or 8 or 10. Life, and love are fluid. Love yourself first, and be successful at that. You just never know what is around the next corner.

[clay]

VERY well spoken, MTN! Thanks brutha!

Originally Posted by Mtn

I think many of us have felt like, that perfect someone wasn't out there. At sometimes in our lives, it's the perfect person for the moment, for a year or 8 or 10. Life, and love are fluid. Love yourself first, and be successful at that. You just never know what is around the next corner.

[tapu]

Well, you're right. Your perfect partner isn't out there. A "perfect partner" doesn't exist.

I've had a tendency to get together with a lover after having known her for a long time, even a couple of years. I never thought of these women as potential partners when I met them but as I got to know them, we negotiated love and friendship and passion and comfort together in our two selves.

Someone who would make a loving partner for you is probably floating around out there (more than one, by my beliefs). You might miss her if you're just looking for the "perfect" one.

[tazz]

Originally Posted by ButchEire

You say single like it's a bad thing. If you feel alone, increase the number of friends you have. I've been single for nearly 5 years and I have no intention of going back. I have more friends than I could have ever imagined and don't feel a compulsion to get into a relationship for the sake of getting into a relationship. I recognize it's different for everyone, but honestly, being single probably shouldn't be the primary reason for getting into a relationship.

***ButchEire... i like you! i could not have said it any better.
*fist pump and a ^5 to ya!

[BullDog]

I know what I say here will just sound like a bunch of cliches but here it goes.

Over 10 years ago I left a long term relationship of 13 years because I knew in my heart it wasn't all that I wanted. We were a very good couple in many ways but the deep passion just wasn't there. It was a very big risk for me to take leaving that relationship because I could have stayed quite comfortable. After that it was more than 10 years of very ups and downs (mostly downs) and a lot of mistakes made along the way. I never regretted my decision, but I became increasingly pessimistic that I would not find what I was looking for and wanted. To top it off I am a stone butch woman, which is a bit of a rare combination, so I thought that would make my chances even smaller.

I definitely found my One when I was least expecting it and after all those years of mishaps and disappointments. I had just been focusing on myself and cutting the ties from negativity and negative people. I had just moved into a new apartment and was focused on that and my websites and work. I was determined that I was just fine by myself, but I think deep down inside I never gave up to the possibility. We met right here on BFP and since first talking have been inseparable ever since, and I can't imagine anyone more perfect for me. It really does seem like a miracle, but it would have never happened if I had totally given up or settled for something not right for me.

I think a lot of it was good fortune and I can't guarantee the same can happen for anyone else, but I would say focus on yourself and keep your heart open to the possibilities of true love. I have really enjoyed reading your posts here and I truly believe you will be just fine either single or coupled. Best wishes to you. Don't stop believing in yourself or true love. They are both incredible things to enjoy and savor.

[Strappie]

First off.. I truly believe there IS someone for everyone.

This is just the way I think, my 2 cents.....

I do think there is someone out there for you. But in this time in your life you are putting too much into it or thinking about it too much. When you say you might be alone for the rest of your life, this to me is you feeling sorry for yourself. It's being negative in your thinking. When we continue to have negative words/thoughts then that is what is going to happen. I believe in thinking positive because when you do, things become more positive.

Being single is a time to heal and reflect and regain self worth. It's not a bad thing!!

I know this all too well. I was single for over 6 years. It felt as though I would never find someone. I realized I was depressed and negative towards my thoughts about myself and about having a relationship. It wasn't until I truly believed (again) in myself that I could open my heart up again and allow someone in. I have found someone that I truly adore. We are still in the dating stages. Even if things don't work out to were we can be together I know I have given this relationship everything I can give. I will have NO regrets and the things it has taught me so far, I will not take for granted and use them to move forward.

I guess what I'm trying to say is.. Be positive get rid of the negative! Things will happen when you are truly ready to let them happen....

good luck to you.. you will find love again.. just don't settle for anything but the right one!!

[midwest chick]

She's out there...

Waiting to see you laughing over coffee,

Watching you smile at work,

Seeing how much fun you are having with your friends,

Watching you dance,


She's waiting on you---to be happy with yourself, active in your life and comfortable with your friends--then she's going to come out of nowhere.
She's more attracted to you when you're smiling, confident, and secure in
yourself. She wants this to have a great start, and is waiting for timing to be
better.

She's been looking for you, too.

[tazz]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

***i completely... completely... completely and totally empathize with you on this one!!!

do your very best in turning this downer into a positive by enjoying the friends you do have and will make along the way in your journeys.

this took courage to post for you i'm sure... i applaud you for sharing.

and know this one thing... if not anything else... You Are Not Alone In This...

~right there with you,
the tazzmeister

[justanolecowboy]

I've only been on this wonderful community a few times...with a long absence in between...but I know of where you speak... "the perfect person" ... do they exist?

I don't know...I thought so... "once upon a time" ...I understand about it being a tough year...and the holidays always have a way of reminding us "single" people of what we "don't" have in the way of a relationship...I mean you see the perfect Norman Rockwell commercials - you know the home and hearth and the perfectly wrapped gift from the one you love...all dressed up in your slippers and bathroom underneath the perfectly decorated tree...lights twinkling...fire crackling...

Nothing is perfect...not life, not love...I think we put to many expectations on ourselves...and on other people perhaps...perhaps I am guilty of that too... "expectations" ... even when you say you don't...God knows I am far from perfect...

I don't trust much myself anymore...my heart has beat and battered and ripped apart more than once this past year and half...but despite ALL of that and through all the hurt...I know that "love" is real...I know it isn't easy and I know it isn't perfect...but I know it is worth the effort...if you have courage enough to "try" again and put your heart out there...the bruises you have...just have enabled you to love in a deeper and kinder way...and someone out there needs that...and wants that and will show you the same...

Maybe what you seek is just around the corner...with the next spoken word or smile...or outstretched heart...don't give up...

Love is too precious a thing...hang in there...even though it hurts...even though it seems hopeless...maybe "you" are just the person someone else is looking for...and they are waiting for you to reach out ----open your heart and find them...

Until that time...cuddle with that kitty who will give so much love...and be thankful for blessings not yet received...yes, perhaps in the way of love ...

[Rockinonahigh]

Once I thought there may be something wrong with me if I didnt have a hot femme on my arm, but over the years I just have desided to injoy being single cause the worry was not doing any good.If Mrs.Right shows up great if not im ok with it...really.OH there are some I would like to get to know better but im not shure a ldr is good for either of us..they havent worked for me so im not shure it ever will...corse I wish it would but things are what they are.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Maybe ‘the One’ for you isn’t ready to find you, yet! She may need time to heal from past hurts or she could be rediscovering herself in readiness for meeting you!

I know it’s easy to say ‘find happiness with yourself/within yourself and you’ll attract love’, but, it’s true! Being comfortable and accepting yourself really does attract people.

There has been a time in life when I was down and felt as though there wasn’t anyone out there for me, but, then my whole world felt like it ended because of the events in my life at that time, and I wasn’t ready for or able to offer what another may need/want at that time from me….it wouldn’t have been fair to her/hym or me.

I’ve been single for 4 years….the first 2 through choice after nearly 8 years with my Ex. For the past 2 years, I’ve enjoyed dating a varied selection of Butches (from stone, metro sexual to Butch/Studs) with the occasional Femme/soft Butch.

I’m open to meeting ‘the One for me’ and being single and dating/going out with friends has given me the opportunity to do the things I’ve wanted to without having to consider anyone else….sounds selfish, I know, yet, I’ve been able to achieve something’s without the distraction of a relationship. Sometimes, being single is an unanswered prayer….

Also, the only snoring I have to put up with at this time, are the rhythmical ones of my 5 beautiful furbabies….Oh! And my cousin in the other room (whose snoring can be heard in the next street! I kid you not! ….Serves him right for breaking his nose whilst perving at a women….he was 7 years old at the time of ‘injury’! LOL!).

[WolfyOne]

I can group myself amongst the single.

Since my written words come easier than my in person words and there have been times when a few of you femmes here have peeked my interest, but I just haven't put me in a position to put me out there. I suppose I'm still working on me and I may or may not be a work in progress.

LTD, I have often wondered about that perfect person for me, the one that gets me, the one that doesn't want to change me, the one that will take me as I am...flawed. I don't have a list for what I seek in a person because I know when she comes into my life, we'll both know it. I'm not a dating site kind of person because I worry too much about who is really behind that monitor pounding away at those keys. Here on BFP, I can get a better idea of what a person is like by reading posts. Interesting to read through this thread and see there are already 3 of you in your area from this site that can go out and have a grand time if you plan it that way. Go out, have fun and know that the person you seek may just be out there looking for a fun person. Timing is everything, right place right time...make the time, make the plans and seek out happy. Everything will fall into place when it's supposed to happen.

Oh and there are others that live in areas where we feel isolated when it comes to making friends where we live. Some of us in bigger cities, others in smaller towns. One thing I've learned, if it is to be, it is up to me.

[sara-bera]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

I really think it does tend to happen when you stop looking and just start living. I haven't been searching for someone for the last two years now and I've had more dates than all the years I've been single before this! I don't go to places made for 'singles' either really (aside from popping into this thread because your post moved me) - you'll meet people in the oddest places.

Granted, I've not met a person that's perfect for me yet (I've gotten closer, however). But I have faith they're out there somewhere... and they looking for someone exactly like me. I think there is more than one 'soulmate' out there for everyone, too.

Love yourself, make yourself happy, and believe you will meet your significant other one day... but definitely live for yourself right now - go out, have fun. Take yourself out on dates. Learn a new hobby or take up yoga... whatever might make you happy. Happiness is incredibly attractive, in general (not just for getting dates). You'll make lots of friends along the way, if you're open to it.

I'm really very sorry about all of the false starts, but they're lessons and it's not always going to be that way. There are people out there who want exactly who and what you are. Eventually, you'll be drawn to one another. I wish you all the best.

[istolurboxers38]

You shouldn't get so down on yourself. My ex who is a dad dumped me on my ass. let me know I would never find anyone that would want me and if it weren't for them i wouldn't be where i was now. They finally moved away and I am now in a town that I really don't know. I am trying to accept that I will be alone and singe from now on. I though was looking at the good side of things. Noone to tel you u are doing wrong, no criticizing, no fights, and no more put downs. Yes it is lonely but I think that maybe when we heal and when God sees fit that we are ready that he might just bring someone along in our lives that fit.

[nicetgurl_30]

Don't feel that way, it will get better