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Old 01-05-2012, 03:38 AM   #1
iamkeri1
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Default VANILLA THREAD Who can initiate sex in your relationship? VANILLA THREAD

This thread is NOT for the discussion of control as it ebbs and flows in a BDSM relationship. Please do not post about BDSM practices .. there are many threads available for these discussions.

This is, as it says in bold print above, a vanilla thread. Power dynamics also occur in vanilla relationships, and that is what I want to talk about.

So what is most comfortable/easiest/essential for you to function well in sexual relationships? I couldn't figure out how to post a poll, so I'll just list some options. If your personal option is not listed, please forgive me, and just post about what is comfortable for you.

I am femme
I am butch
I am ftm
I am mtf
I have a different gender designation

I wish to initiate all sexual encounters.
I wish my partner(s) to initiate all sexual encounters.
I prefer a relationship where either (or all) partners may initiate sex.

None of these choices infer that you are the "top" during sex, only that it your preference to be the one to say "Hey lets ****."

Here's my answer:
I prefer a relationship where either (or all) partners may initiate sex. Why? Well I want my partner to let me know I am desired, so I think it is good to let them know I desire them as well. Also, just as a matter of practicality, sometimes one wants to have sex, but finds that it has not (yet) occured to one's partner. Therefore the necessity of expressing one's desires.
Smooches,
Keri
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Old 01-05-2012, 10:52 AM   #2
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Morning Keri,this is a good subject.For me im a stone butch but prefer that in a relationship that both are free to initiate sex,its not that I havent thought of it but to be truthfull I have to be really she isnt just playing games cause for me in tired of kid games that often are pulled but some women just to have fun at someone elses expence.Butch thay get stone butch, well is someome with a prob for people who just dont get it or care to.
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Old 01-05-2012, 06:12 PM   #3
Quintease
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I'm femme and I like to initiate!

Actually I like us both to initiate but I think I tend to do it more. I love initiating and I know he'll never turn me down, it's perfect

I've been in relationships where my gf's have resented me being highly sexed and that was awful, frustrating for me and really damaging for the relationship. For that reason if my hubbie wants sex and I don't, I'll at least consider it. I'd hate for him to feel he can't ask.
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Old 01-05-2012, 06:23 PM   #4
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I am femme. I prefer a relationship where either (or all) partners may initiate sex -- often and spontaneously!
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Old 01-05-2012, 11:56 PM   #5
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Stone-Butch Top Dominant. A fighting b**** got the job done.
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Old 01-06-2012, 12:21 AM   #6
Iamjustagirlwhocantsayno
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I am femme and love to initiate. I think it takes him by suprise.... but he likes it I haven't always been the initiator in past relationships, but I sometimes think that's why they didn't last long, I wasn't willing to assert what I needed and just took what was offered. I love for him to initiate too, but I feel powerful when it's me!
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Old 01-06-2012, 01:17 AM   #7
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Great question and answers. I am TGButch and I liked it when my lover let me know she wanted me. I prefer a relationship where either one can innitiate. Jean
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Old 01-06-2012, 06:25 AM   #8
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Communication in a relationship of any type is critical. How can I initiate a sexual encounter if I can't talk about the little, mundane things of life, as well as all of those big things that may come up?

I thrive in a relationship where communication is open, honest, a two-way street, safe, trusting and I am encouraged to express my needs-including sexual needs.

When all of those pieces are in place: yes, I enjoy the freedom to be able to initiate sex.

I am femme
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Old 01-06-2012, 07:45 AM   #9
Kobi
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I am a butch who prefers a relationship that is a partnership. So either initiating according to their needs and desires works best for me.

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Old 01-06-2012, 08:43 AM   #10
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Initiation by either partner works best for me. I don't want roles, rules or any other prescriptive assumptions with sexual initiation. As a butch, it is hot when a femme lover initiates and I feel hot myself when I initiate.

The main thing for me is communication about sex with a lover.

Thanks for the thread!
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Old 01-06-2012, 12:17 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Anya* View Post
Communication in a relationship of any type is critical. How can I initiate a sexual encounter if I can't talk about the little, mundane things of life, as well as all of those big things that may come up?

I thrive in a relationship where communication is open, honest, a two-way street, safe, trusting and I am encouraged to express my needs-including sexual needs.

When all of those pieces are in place: yes, I enjoy the freedom to be able to initiate sex.

I am femme
You've said it beautifully!
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Old 01-06-2012, 01:14 PM   #12
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I agree with Anya communicate is extremely essential in any relationship...and I prefer one when both initiate...I adore the look on Hys/Her face that little gleam in their eye when they know you want them..give me that same sexy/desired/wanted tingle when I see them making the advances that they need me NOW..lol...and if you and your lover know one another well enough, sometimes all it takes is a glance and a smirk and you both know. I remember one time with an ex..I was vaccuming..and all of sudden it stopped..I turned to look at the socket to see if it was still plugged in and there Hy stood..nekky..with the cord in Hys hand twirling it with that look in Hys eyes and that smirk lmao.
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Old 09-01-2015, 04:38 PM   #13
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I am a Butch,9 out of 10 times I initiate sex with strangers.With me and my gf its about 50/50.I usually tell her do you "wanna fuck?" or I press up against her from behind and grab her breasts..or I grab her ass.If i'm behind her and she bends over,oh its on

If I see cleavage,its on...if I just see her walk through that door,its ON!

If she's in the mood,of course *sigh*
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Old 09-04-2015, 08:38 PM   #14
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We both do. But more often it's her more then me and I am very okay with that.
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Old 10-03-2017, 11:45 PM   #15
Deborah*
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I believe both can initiate sex, that's just natural and honest in my opinion.

Deborah
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