Relating To Your Parent(s)

Cuddles · 02-21-2012, 07:50 PM

I am tired and worn out but I feel like sharing so I'm gonna post, then go to bed.

I went for a regular walk with my dear mother(62) tonight and I brought up some sensitive topics for the first time in a very long time with her. My nerves are totally wracked because I felt so very vulnerable. I've managed to form an extremely close bond with my mother and she's become my best friend in the whole world, but for years I would avoid certain topics because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

Kind of silly on my part and she let me know as much. I came out to her when I was 18 and was fortunate to have no backlash but over the years I wouldn't share things with her and we eventually settled into a don't ask-don't tell relationship. Her not asking because she thought I wanted privacy and me not telling because I wanted her to not be uncomfortable.

Thankfully I feel so much better now, except I can't help the nerve-shot feeling in me right now.

I'm curious though.... has anyone else had or having this kind of relationship with a parent? Where you're close and share with them or where you're close but don't? I know it's all relative to the relationship but maybe I just need to keep the lines of communication open for it to begin to feel 100% normal because as of right now it still doesn't completely?

Mr Nice Guy · 02-21-2012, 07:57 PM

I've never had a relationship with my mom. That's why I took her in, I thought she might want that with me but nope. It's been hell, but I know she will get her housing and move. I wish and have always wished for a mom who cares.

SugarFemme · 02-21-2012, 08:18 PM

My mother and I are VERY close. We have always been there for each other. There is only one area that is taboo between us. You guessed it. My being queer. She has a very hard time with it. Pretends it does not exist, so it does not in her mind. It is very frustrating for me. It is a huge part of who I am that I cannot share with her. Honestly, I don't like it. But I get so much other good stuff from her I am willing to tolerate it.

Cuddles · 02-22-2012, 07:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneOfAKind

My mother and I are VERY close. We have always been there for each other. There is only one area that is taboo between us. You guessed it. My being queer. She has a very hard time with it. Pretends it does not exist, so it does not in her mind. It is very frustrating for me. It is a huge part of who I am that I cannot share with her. Honestly, I don't like it. But I get so much other good stuff from her I am willing to tolerate it.

Wow... that is pretty close to what I've had with my mom. She just never spoke of it b/c she thought I was a very private person. I'm hoping to change all that over time. Thanks for sharing! =)

*Anya* · 02-22-2012, 08:14 AM

I was raised by two cold, withholding, rejecting and abusive parents. My mother told me once how my father sobbed when I was born because I was a girl and not the son he had hoped for. Not a good omen for sure.

My coming out lesbian was the icing on the cake. Neither spoke to me for 15 years after I told them.

My life was actually easier during those years- no expectations, no criticism. I reconnected with them as they were aging and my brothers had moved away. I was still trying to be the good daughter I guess-even though it was the unachievable.

They do not ask question one about me or my life. It is all about them. I listen, ask them about themselves and they talk on, oblivious.

It is what it is. They are who they are.

Glenn · 02-22-2012, 09:44 AM

My parents Had butch-femme friends/couples as close friends for years (since the fifties) They were very supportive and communicative. There were never any problems or disruptions in relating/interacting with them.

Sassy · 02-21-2012, 08:22 PM

I was raised by a pair of open-minded hippies. I am loved. I am accepted. And I'm so aware of just how blessed I am for it.

Okiebug61 · 02-22-2012, 07:50 AM

I think one of the hardest things for a child to understand is that just because someone carried you for 9 months and brought you into this world doesn't mean they ever bonded with you or themselves.

My mom and I talk but it's like we are neighbors needing to borrow a cup of sugar. I use to think I was close to her, but then after 42 years of marriage she divorced my dad and she became this person I can't recognize anymore.

She's happy and I am happy for her. I never really felt any grave pain with her changing so much, but all the what if's came up.

I decided to settle my mind and heart on the matter and moved on.

02-21-2012, 07:50 PM	#1
Cuddles Junior Member How Do You Identify?: A romantic butch who loves to cuddle... and steal your french fry when you're not looking! Preferred Pronoun?: No preference. Relationship Status: Single, always looking to mingle and maybe be tamed one day Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Northern Florida Posts: 61 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 117 Thanked 191 Times in 36 Posts Rep Power: 1805812	Relating To Your Parent(s) I am tired and worn out but I feel like sharing so I'm gonna post, then go to bed. I went for a regular walk with my dear mother(62) tonight and I brought up some sensitive topics for the first time in a very long time with her. My nerves are totally wracked because I felt so very vulnerable. I've managed to form an extremely close bond with my mother and she's become my best friend in the whole world, but for years I would avoid certain topics because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. Kind of silly on my part and she let me know as much. I came out to her when I was 18 and was fortunate to have no backlash but over the years I wouldn't share things with her and we eventually settled into a don't ask-don't tell relationship. Her not asking because she thought I wanted privacy and me not telling because I wanted her to not be uncomfortable. Thankfully I feel so much better now, except I can't help the nerve-shot feeling in me right now. I'm curious though.... has anyone else had or having this kind of relationship with a parent? Where you're close and share with them or where you're close but don't? I know it's all relative to the relationship but maybe I just need to keep the lines of communication open for it to begin to feel 100% normal because as of right now it still doesn't completely?

02-22-2012, 08:14 AM	#5
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,460 Times in 7,283 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I was raised by two cold, withholding, rejecting and abusive parents. My mother told me once how my father sobbed when I was born because I was a girl and not the son he had hoped for. Not a good omen for sure. My coming out lesbian was the icing on the cake. Neither spoke to me for 15 years after I told them. My life was actually easier during those years- no expectations, no criticism. I reconnected with them as they were aging and my brothers had moved away. I was still trying to be the good daughter I guess-even though it was the unachievable. They do not ask question one about me or my life. It is all about them. I listen, ask them about themselves and they talk on, oblivious. It is what it is. They are who they are. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

02-22-2012, 07:50 AM	#8
Okiebug61 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Light Butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Hitched to Red Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 1,528 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,261 Thanked 5,377 Times in 1,245 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I think one of the hardest things for a child to understand is that just because someone carried you for 9 months and brought you into this world doesn't mean they ever bonded with you or themselves. My mom and I talk but it's like we are neighbors needing to borrow a cup of sugar. I use to think I was close to her, but then after 42 years of marriage she divorced my dad and she became this person I can't recognize anymore. She's happy and I am happy for her. I never really felt any grave pain with her changing so much, but all the what if's came up. I decided to settle my mind and heart on the matter and moved on. __________________ "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawake." ~ Anatole France

02-21-2012, 07:57 PM	#2
Mr Nice Guy Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Kind, sweet, loving, romantic and a rare Butch. :) Relationship Status: I don't drive a Uhaul. :) Join Date: May 2011 Location: Another New Englander Posts: 1,768 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,035 Thanked 4,894 Times in 1,307 Posts Rep Power: 0	I've never had a relationship with my mom. That's why I took her in, I thought she might want that with me but nope. It's been hell, but I know she will get her housing and move. I wish and have always wished for a mom who cares.

02-21-2012, 08:18 PM	#3
SugarFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Fierce Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Southwest Posts: 1,029 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 650 Thanked 4,460 Times in 854 Posts Rep Power*: 21474851	My mother and I are VERY close. We have always been there for each other. There is only one area that is taboo between us. You guessed it. My being queer. She has a very hard time with it. Pretends it does not exist, so it does not in her mind. It is very frustrating for me. It is a huge part of who I am that I cannot share with her. Honestly, I don't like it. But I get so much other good stuff from her I am willing to tolerate it.

02-22-2012, 09:44 AM	#6
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dear ol butch bones. Preferred Pronoun?: Old G Relationship Status: Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: :rolleyes: Posts: 1,547 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,601 Thanked 3,729 Times in 1,095 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My parents Had butch-femme friends/couples as close friends for years (since the fifties) They were very supportive and communicative. There were never any problems or disruptions in relating/interacting with them.

02-21-2012, 08:22 PM	#7
Sassy Member How Do You Identify?: Female Relationship Status: Together Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: In the sunshine Posts: 598 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 815 Thanked 1,929 Times in 460 Posts Rep Power: 19641164	I was raised by a pair of open-minded hippies. I am loved. I am accepted. And I'm so aware of just how blessed I am for it.